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THE BAWD'S BOOK
Being a Collection of Crass and Carious
LIMERICKS
AND
LINOLEUM CUTS
The Former Borrowed, the Latter Original.
PRINTED IN SAN MARINO, CALIFORNIA
SUMMER, 1965
There was an aesthetic young Miss,
Who thought it the apex of bliss
To jazz herself silly
With the bud of a lilly,
Then go out to the garden and piss.
"Balls"
Said the venerable Dean of St. Paul's:
"Concerning them cracks in the walls
You suppose it would do,
If we filled them with glue?"
The Bishop of Lincoln said: "Balls".
THE LIFE OF KING WILLIAM
The First
SIRNAMED CONQUEROR
mftOBERT DUKE OF NORMANDY
4fm c^e s'xt^ *n descent from Rollo, rid-
<^^* ing throvgh Falais, a towne in Nor-
mandie, espied certaineyong persons davncing
neere the way. And as he stayed to view a
while the maner of their disport, he fixed his
eye especially vpon a certame damoseii nam-
ed Arlotte; of meane birth, a Skinner's
davghter, who there davneed among the resr.
The frame and comely carriage of her body,
the natvrall beavtie and graces or her covnten-
ince, the simplicitie of her rvrall both
behaviovr and attire pleased him so well,
that the same night he proevred her to be
brovght to his lodging; where he begate of her
a sonne, who afterwards was named William.
3 will not defile my writing with mem-
ory of some lasciviovs behaviovr which
she is reported to have vsed, at svch
time as the Dvke approached to embrace her
And dovbtfvll it is, whether vpon some
speciall note of immodestie in herself, or
whether vpon hate towards her sonne, the
English afterwards adding an aspiration to
her name (according to the natvrall maner
of their pronovncing) termed every vnchaste
woman Harlot.
The preoeeding is an excerpt from
THE LIVES GF THE III NORMANS,
KINGS OF ENGLAND:
WILLIAM the first
WILLIAM, the second
HENRIE the first
by Sir John Hayward, at London, 1613
I dined with the Duchess of Lee,
Who asked: "Do you fart when you pe?
I said: "Not a bit!
Do you belch when you shit?"
And felt it was one up to me.
There was a young lady of- Lynn,
Who tho •• :hat to fuck was ;». sin:
Buc when she was tight.
She thought it all righ~.
So everyone plied her with gin.
There was a yawig max 6/ fl?l;r,,-;.v/,
Who cand nt'iiher / •/• C'J m.r hi- S.rtnur.
H: U'fJLJ Sua tk S.,::kJ
Wiiu on htt'Ji in hh <•.;;;</.
And was had up far iuUtf-.nt hhaiu.ur.
"PAGAN LOVE SONG"
There was a young pagan called Caiy,
Who got fucking the Virgin Maiy.
And Christ was so bored
At seeing Ma whored,
That He set Himself up as a fairy.
'THAT OLD TIME RELIGION
There was a young man of f.nJ; l..--
Who went for a walk about seven.
He fell into a psf
That was bnnifnl of slut.
And now the poor Kiln's m llcr-r;
A PATRIOTIC AIR
There was a voung Rov.il \!,ir::r
Who tried to fart ' Gtvl si.r 1 he i.' r<«
When he re.urhed ihz m*;:.*:-"
Out came all the s;i\- o,
And his breeches weren't ht id t<r vrrn
Word has come down from the Dean,
That by use of a teaching machine,
Oedipus Rex
Could have learned about sex
Without having to bother the Queen.
There was a young girl of Penzance,
Who boarded a bus in a trance.
The passengers fucked her,
Likewise the conductor;
The driver shot off in his pants.
There was a young man of Kildare,
Who was having a girl in a chair.
On the sixty-third stroke
The furniture broke,
And his rifle went off in the air.
There was a young monk of Siberia,
Who of frigging grew weaiy and wearier.
At last with a yell,
He broke out of his cell,
And buggared the Father Superior.
The girls who frequent picture palaces
Set no store by psychoanalysis.
And though Mr. Freud
Is greatly annoyed,
They cling to their old-fashioned phalluses.
FPITAPH FOR A BAWD
ROOM, room for a Blade of the Town,
That takes delight in Roaring,
And daily Rambles up and down,
And at Night in the Street lyes snoaring.
That for the noble name of Spark,
Dares his Companions rally;
Commits an Out-rage in the dark,
Then slinks into an Alley.
To ev'ry Female that he meets,
He swears he bears affection,
Defies all Laws, Arrests, and Feats,
By the help of a kind Protection.
Then he intending further wrongs:
By some resenting Cully,
Is decently run through the Lungs,
And there's an end of Bully.
FROM: POEMS ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS
BY: the EARL OF ROCHESTER
ANTWERP, 1680
Limericks compiled and linoleum cuts by
the creator of Michel Durand.
14 copies printed on vellum, 2 on papyrus, and
169 on paper.
Printed unobtrusively and privately at the
Leaping Jesus Press & Pickle Works,
SAN MARINO 9, CALIFORNIA.