Below is the plain text version of the Unofficial Fighter Pilot's Songbook. Please download the original MS-Word file to verify the formatting and see the images.
A Lightning Flash Production:
Unofficial Fighter Pilots Songbook
A compilation of songs, poems and quotes from Messes, Officers Clubs and
Crewrooms.
1. IF I WAS A JAG MATE
(Fiddler on the roof)
IF I WAS A JAG MATE
dida dida dida etc
ALL DAY LONG I'D STICK IT UP YOUR BUM
IF I WAS A JAGUAR MAN
I-, WOULDN'T HAVE TO WORK HARD
dida dida etc
ALL DAY LONG I'D STICK IT UP YOUR BUM
IF I WAS A JAGUAR MAN
I'D BUILD A GREAT BIG HOUSE
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TOWN
FILL IT FULL OF JAG MATES
WITH THEIR TROUSERS DOWN
AND SOME OF THEM WITH NOTHING ON AT ALL
I'D TAKE THEM ALL UPSTAIRS
AND STAND THEM IN A LINE
SOME OF THEM ERECT
ALL ARE LOOKING FINE
AND THEN I'D TAKE THEM ALL
ONE AT A TIME
OOHHHHHHHHH IF I WAS A JAG MATE...... ETC
2. SWEET MOLLY MALONE (trad)
IN DUBLIN'S FAIR CITY,
WHERE THE GIRLS ARE SO PRETTY,
I FIRST SET MY EYES ON SWEET MOLLY MALONE.
AND SHE WHEELED HER WHEEL BARROW
THROUGH STREETS BROAD AND NARROW
SINGING: ( Clap, clap, clap etc)
YOU'RE GONNA GET YOUR FUCKING HEADS KICKED IN.
3. DON'T BEND DOWN
(My old man)
DON'T BEND DOWN WHEN A JAG MATES AROUND
OR HE'LL STICK HIS WILLY UP YOUR BUM
HE'LL KEEP GOING, HE WON'T START SLOWING
TILL HIS KNOB END IS RED AND GLOWING
HE'LL TEASE YOU , HE'LL SQUEEZE YOU
DO ANYTHING TO PLEASE YOU
TRY AND FIND AN ORIFICE THAT FITS
BUT F3s ARE FIGHTERS
WE'RE NOT QUEER BLIGHTERS
AND THE JAG MATES ARE BUM BANDITS
JAGUARS YOU KNOW, THEY FLY SO LOW
SOME EVEN FLY INTO THE GROUND
THEY DROP BOMBS
AND TAKE NICE PICCIES,
SQUEEZE SOME BOTTOMS
AND SUCK SOME DICKIES
THEY'LL TEASE YOU.....etc
4. THERE IS A GREEN HILL FAR AWAY
THERE IS A GREEN HILL FAR AWAY
WITHOUT A CITY WALL
WHERE THE DEAR LORD WAS CRUCIFIED
HE DIED TO SAVE US ALL
2 3 4...FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW
FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW.....etc
"MONTHS OF PREPARATION, ONE OF THOSE FEW OPPORTUNITIES AND THE JUDGEMENT OF A
SPLIT SECOND ARE WHAT MAKES SOME PILOT AND ACE, WHILE OTHERS THINK BACK ON WHAT
THEY COULD HAVE DONE."
-PAPPY BOYINGTON
5. ARSEHOLE IN DISGUISE
(Devil in disguise Elvis)
(Sung to any obnoxious Jag/Harrier pilot etc)
YOU LOOK LIKE A PILOT
look like a pilot
YOU WALK LIKE A PILOT
walk like a pilot
TALK LIKE A PILOT
BUT I GOT WISE
YOU'RE AN ARSEHOLE IN DISGUISE
OH YES YOU ARE
AN ARSEHOLE IN DISGUISE
OH YES YOU ARE
6. WILD ROVER
I'VE BEEN A WILD ROVER FOR MANY A YEAR
AND IT'S REALLY FUCKING BORING
7. MY GRANNY
I'VE GOT A GRANNY
SHE'S HINDUSTANI
SHE'S MY HINDUSTANI GRANNY FROM BOMBAY
AND WHEN SHE FEEDS ME CHAPATTIES
WITH CURRIED MINCE AND TATTIES
I'M VINDALOO ALL DAY
8. SONG SUNG BLUE
SONG SUNG BLUE
EVERYBODY KNOWS ONE
SO SING YOU BASTARDS
SING YOU BASTARDS SING!!
9. SENGO'S SONG
SENGO WAS A LAZY COON,
WENT TO SLEEP IN THE AFTERNOON,
SO TIRED WAS HE,
SO VERY VERY TIRED WAS HE.
OFF TO THE JUNGLE HE DID GO,
SWINGING HIS CHOPPER TO AND FRO,
WHEN ALONG CAME A BEE,
A FUCKING GREAT BUMBLE BEE.
(BZZZ BZZZ BZZZ BZZZ)
FLY AWAY YOU BUMBLE BEE,
I AIN'T NO ROSE,
I AIN'T NO SYPHILITIC PRICK,
GET OFF MY FUCKING NOSE.
GET OFF MY NASAL ORGAN,
DON'T YOU COME NEAR,
IF YOU WANT SOME FANNY,
YOU CAN FUCK MY GRANNY,
BUT YOU'LL GET NO ARSEHOLES HERE,
NO FEAR,
JUST BEER.
ARSEHOLES RULE THE NAVY,
ARSEHOLES RULE THE NAVY,
ARSEHOLES RULE THE NAVY,
YOU'LL GET NO ARSEHOLES HERE,
NO FEAR,
JUST BEER.
BULLSHIT RULES THE ARMY etc
FUCK ALL RULES THE AIR FORCE etc
10. THE FLAG (WITH REVERENCE AND FEELING)
THE FLAG FLIES HIGH ON THE MAST HEAD
WE'LL DRINK TO THE FREEDOM OF THE REICH, ZIEG HEIL!
NO LONGER WILL WE TREMBLE
AT ENGLAND'S MILITARY MIGHT
SO GIVE TO ME YOUR HAND, FRAULEIN
YOUR LILLY-WHITE HAND, FRAULEIN
FOR TONIGHT WE MARCH AGAINST ENGLAND
ENGLAND, ENGLAND'S ISLAND SHORES,
ISLAND SHORES, ISLAND SHORES,
SIEG HEIL !
AND IF I FALL IN BATTLE
AND SINK TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA,
SPLISH SPLASH
REMEMBER THIS MY DARLING
MY BLOOD WAS SHED FOR THEE
SO GIVE TO ME YOUR HAND, FRAULEIN
YOUR LILLY-WHITE HAND, FRAULEIN
FOR TONIGHT WE MARCH AGAINST ENGLAND
ENGLAND, ENGLAND'S ISLAND SHORES,
ISLAND SHORES, ISLAND SHORES,
ZIEG HEIL !
"EVERY TIME YOUR OPPONENT ATTEMPTS TO
DIVE AT YOU OR ATTACK YOU IN ANY WAY,
THE BEST THING TO DO IS TO TURN ON HIM,
PULL THE NOSE OF YOUR MACHINE UP AND
FIRE."
-BILLY BISHOP
11. YANKEE SAILOR
ME NO LIKEE BLITISH SAILOR
YANKEE SAILOR COME ASHORE
CHORUS:
ME NO LIKEE BLITISH SAILOR
YANKEE SAILOR PAY FIVE DOLLAR MORE
YANKEE SAILOR CALL ME HONEY DARLING
BLITISH SAILOR CALL ME PLUCKING WHORE
YANKEE SAILOR PLUCK ME ON THE CARPET
BLITISH SAILOR PLUCK ME ON THE FLOOR
YANKEE SAILOR ALWAYS WEAR FRENCH LETTER
BLITISH SAILOR ALWAYS WEAR PLUCK ALL
YANKEE SAILOR PLUCK FOR JUST A MINUTE
BLITISH SAILOR PLUCK FOR EVERMORE
12. SIT ON MY FACE
OH, WOULD YOU LIKE TO SIT ON MY FACE
SPREAD YOUR ASS ALL OVER THE PLACE
PUT MY NOSE IN A FRAGRANT PLACE
OR WOULD YOU RATHER SUCK MY HOG!
13. JOY TO THE WORLD
JOY TO THE WORLD, THE BOMBS WILL COME
LET'S ALL GO JOIN THE FUN
THE BRIDGES, DAMS, AND POWER PLANTS
THE SCHOOLS, THE KIDS, AND EVEN ANTS
WILL KNOW THE AWESOME SOUND
OF BOMBS HITTING THE GROUND
THEY'LL SHIVER, THEY'LL QUIVER
GEE, WAR IS FUN
14. SON'S COMIN' HOME
SON'S COMIN' HOME IN A BODY BAG DO DA DO DA
SON'S COMIN' HOME IN A BODY BAG OH DADOO DA DAY
CHORUS:
MOTHER FUCKER'S DEAD, NEVER FOUND HIS HEAD
SON'S COMIN' HOME IN A BODY BAG OH DADOO DA DAY
GOT SHOT DOWN BY AN SA-2, DO DA DO DA
GOT SHOT DOWN BY AN SA-2, OH DADOO DA DAY
TRIED TO PUNCH OUT WAY TOO LATE, DO DA DO DA
TRIED TO PUNCH OUT WAY TOO LATE, OH DADOO DA DAY
NOW HE'S JUST A BLOB OF GOO, DO DA DO DA
NOW HE'S JUST A BLOB OF GOO, OH DADOO DA DAY
15. FUCK OFF TREBLE ONE
WHEN YOU'RE A PILOT ON TREBLE ONE, YOU'RE ON QRA
DROPPING ALL YOUR MISSILES IN THE FIRTH OF TAY
YOU DON'T NEED THEM, THROW THEM AWAY
YOU SIT ON YOUR BARSTOOLS DRINKING YOUR MILK,
WHEN YOUR WORK IS DONE. NOBODY HEEDS YOU
NOBODY NEEDS YOU---FUCK OFF TREBLE ONE!
"NO GUTS, NO GLORY. IF YOU ARE GOING TO
SHOOT HIM DOWN, YOU HAVE TO GET IN THERE
AND MIX IT UP WITH HIM."
-BOOTS BLESSE
16. THE BRIDGE AT MIDNIGHT
IT WAS ON THE BRIDGE AT MIDNIGHT
THROWING SNOWBALLS AT THE MOON
SHE SAID SIR, I'VE NEVER HAD IT
BUT SHE SPOKE TOO FUCKING SOON
CHORUS:
IT'S THE SAME THE WHOLE WORLD OVER
IT'S THE POOR WOT GETS THE BLAME
IT'S THE RICH WOT GETS THE PLEASURE
AIN'T IT ALL A FUCKING SHAME
IT WAS ON THE BRIDGE AT MIDNIGHT
PICKING BLACKHEADS FROM HER CRUTCH
SHE SAID SIR, I'VE NEVER HAD IT
I SAID NO, NOT FUCKING MUCH
CHORUS
IT WAS ON THE BRIDGE AT MIDNIGHT
SHE STOOD GAZING TO THE SOUTH
SHE SAID SIR, I'VE NEVER HAD IT
SO I WOPPED IT IN HER MOUTH
CHORUS
"WHEN YOU PASS THAT MIG DRIVER CANOPY TO
CANOPY, MANEUVER YOUR JET IN SUCH A WAY
THAT THERE WILL BE NO DOUBT THAT AFTER
YOU GUN HIS BRAINS OUT, YOU WILL STEAL
HIS WALLET, BURN DOWN HIS HOUSE, RAPE
HIS WIFE, AND SHOOT HIS DOG."
-UNKNOWN
17. SITTING ON QRA
(Dock of the Bay)
SITTING ON QRA, WATCHING THE TIME WASTE AWAY
SITTING ON QRA, WASTING TIME
I LEFT MY HOME IN LEUCHARS
HEADED FOR THE FIRTH OF TAY
WE'VE HAD NO BEARS OR BADGERS
SEEMS LIKE NOTHINGS GONNA COME OUR WAY
WE'RE JUST SITTING ON QRA...
LOOKS LIKE NOTHINGS GONNA CHANGE
EVERYTHING REMAINS THE SAME
I CAN DO WHAT TEN MEN CAN DO
BUT I JUST SIT HERE SINGING MY REFRAIN
JUST SITTING ON QRA...
18. FIGHTER PILOT'S TOAST
HERE'S TO ME IN MY SOBOR MOOD
WHEN I RAMBLE SIT AND THINK
HERE'S TO ME IN MY DRUNKEN MOOD
WHEN I GAMBLE SIN AND DRINK
BUT WHEN MY FLYING DAYS ARE OVER
AND FROM THIS WORLD I PASS
I HOPE THEY BURY ME UPSIDE DOWN
SO THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD CAN KISS MY ASS!
19. THE WHEEL
(AKA THE ENGINEERS SONG)
AN ENGINEER TOLD ME BEFORE HE DIED
A RUM TITTY RUM TITTY RUM TITTY RUM
AN ENGINEER TOLD ME BEFORE HE DIED
AND I HAVE NO REASON TO BELIEVE HE LIED
A RUM TITTY RUM TITTY RUM TITTY RUM
A RUM TITTY RUM TITTY RUM TITTY RUM
HE HAD A WIFE WITH A CUNT SO WIDE
A RUM TITTY RUM TITTY RUM TITTY RUM
HE HAD A WIFE WITH A CUNT SO WIDE
THAT SHE COULD NOT BE SATISFIED
A RUM TITTY RUM TITTY RUM TITTY RUM
A RUM TITTY RUM TITTY RUM TITTY RUM
SO HE BUILT A PRICK OF STEEL, ETC.
WITH TWO BRASS BALLS AND A BLOODY BIG WHEEL
THE TWO BRASS BALLS WERE FILLED WITH CREAM, ETC.
AND THE WHOLE BLOODY THING WAS DRIVEN BY STEAM
HE LAID HIS WIFE UPON THE BED, ETC.
AND TIED HER LEGS BEHIND HER HEAD
HE PUT THE MACHINE IN THE POSITION OF FUCK, ETC.
AND WISHED HIS WIFE THE BEST OF LUCK
ROUND AND ROUND WENT THE BLOODY GREAT WHEEL, ETC.
AND IN AND OUT WENT THE PRICK OF STEEL
UP AND UP WENT THE LEVEL OF STEAM, ETC.
AND DOWN AND DOWN WENT THE LEVEL OF CREAM
TILL AT LAST HIS WIFE SHE CRIED: ETC.
"ENOUGH, ENOUGH---I'M SATISFIED!"
NOW WE COME TO THE TRAGIC BIT, ETC.
THERE WAS NO WAY OF STOPPING IT
SPLIT HIS WIFE FROM ASS TO TIT, ETC.
AND THE WHOLE BLOODY KIT WAS COVERED WITH SHIT
AND NOW WE COME TO THE PART THAT'S GRIM, ETC.
IT JUMPED OFF HER AND JUMPED ON HIM
20. RED RED ROBIN
WHEN THE GEE ARR SEVEN COMES VIFF VIFF
VIFFING ALONG
SHOOT THE BASTARD!
SHOOT THE BASTARD!
SHOOT THE BASTARD!
21. MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB, LITTLE LAMB,
LITTLE LAMB. MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB, IT'S FLEECE WAS WHITE AS SNOW
EVERYWHERE THAT MARY WENT, MARY WENT,
MARY WENT. EVERYWHERE THAT MARY WENT,
THE LAMB WAS SURE TO GO
IT FOLLOWED HER TO SCHOOL ONE DAY, SCHOOL ONE DAY, SCHOOL ONE DAY. IT
FOLLOWED HER TO SCHOOL ONE DAY, AND A BIG BLACK DOG FUCKED IT!
"SPEED IS LIFE."
-FAVORITE FIGHTER PILOT AXIOM
22. THE SEXUAL LIFE OF A CAMEL (trad)
THE SEXUAL LIFE OF A CAMEL
IS STRANGER THAN ANYONE THINKS
AT THE HEIGHT OF THE MATING SEASON
IT TRIES TO BUGGER THE SPHINX
BUT THE SPHINX'S POSTERIOR ORIFICE
IS FILLED WITH THE SANDS OF THE NILE
WHICH ACCOUNTS FOR THE HUMP ON THE CAMEL
AND THE SPHINX'S INSCRUTABLE SMILE.
CHORUS:
TRA LA LA, TRA LA LA, TRA LA LA LA LA LA LAAA
SINGING BUM TITTY BUM TITTY TITTY BUM
BUM TITTY BUM TITTY EY
BUM TITTY BUM TITTY TITTY BUM
ARSEHOLES ARE HERE TO STAY
AND WE'RE ALL QUEERS TOGETHER
THAT'S WHY WE GO ROUND IN PAIRS
YES WE'RE ALL QUEERS TOGETHER
EXCUSE US WHILE WE GO UPSTAIRS
OH THE SEXUAL LIFE OF A BULLFROG
IS SOMETHING I CAN'T COMPREHEND
AND THE HEIGHT OF THE MATING SEASON
HE TRIES TO BUGGER HIS FRIEND
BUT THE BULLFROG'S POSTERIOR ORIFICE
IS FULL UP WITH JUICES AND SLIME
WHICH ACCOUNTS FOR THE WARTS ON THE BULLFROG
AND WHY HE GOES BLURK! ALL THE TIME
OH THE SEXUAL LIFE OF AN OSTRICH
IS DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND
AT THE HEIGHT OF THE MATING SEASON
IT BURIES IT'S HEAD IN THE SAND
WHEN ALONG COMES THE MALE OF THE SPECIES
AND SEES THIS ARSE UP IN THE AIR
DOESN'T KNOW IF IT'S MALE OR FEMALE
AND FRANKLY I DON'T THINK IT CARES
OH THE SEXUAL LIFE OF A RHINO
IS STRANGER THAN ANYONE KNOWS
AT THE HEIGHT OF THE MATING SEASON
HE HAS A HORN ON THE END OF HIS NOSE
BUT THE PLEASURE HE GIVES TO THE FEMALE
AS UP TO HER ANUS HE RUNS
IS MARRED BY THE FACT THAT THE RHINO
WEIGHS JUST OVER 25 TONS.
THE SEXUAL LIFE OF A BLUNTY
IS THE MOST UNUSUAL BIT
AT THE HEIGHT OF THE MATING SEASON
HE STANDS WITH HIS DONG IN HIS MITT
BUT THE PALM OF THE BLUNTY IS HAIRY
FROM PULLING HIS PUD ALL DAY LONG
WHICH IS WHY WE THINK YOU'RE ALL WANKERS
AND TAKE THE PISS WITH THIS SONG.
"POUND FOR POUND I'D RATHER HAVE GAS!"
-JEANSEY ON THE VIRTUES OF NAVIGATORS
"FOR THOSE WHO DO IT WELL, AIR COMBAT IS
LIFE, ANYTHING THAT COMES BEFORE OR ANYTHING
THAT COMES AFTER IS JUST WAITING."
-UNKNOWN
23. (My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean)
I FUCKED A DEAD WHORE BY THE ROADSIDE
I KNEW RIGHT AWAY SHE WAS DEAD
THE SKIN WAS ALL GONE FROM HER TUMMY
THE HAIR WAS ALL GONE FROM HER HEAD
AND AS I LAY DOWN THERE BESIDE HER
I KNEW RIGHT AWAY I HAD SINNED
SO I PUT MY LIPS TO HER VAGINA
AND SUCKED OUT THE WAD I SHOT IN
SUCKED OUT, SUCKED OUT,
I SUCKED OUT THE WAD I SHOT IN, SHOT IN
SUCKED OUT, SUCKED OUT
I SUCKED OUT THE WAD I SHOT IN
MY ONE SKIN LIES OVER MY TWO SKIN
MY TWO SKIN LIES OVER MY THREE
MY THREE SKIN LIES OVER MY FORESKIN
OH BRING BACK MY FORESKIN TO ME
BRING BACK, BRING BACK,
OH BRING BACK MY FORESKIN TO ME, TO ME
BRING BACK, BRING BACK,
OH BRING BACK MY FORESKIN TO ME
"WHY LET RANK LEAD, WHEN ABILITY CAN
DO IT BETTER?"
-DUKE CUNNINGHAM
24. BONDI PIER
I WAS DOWN ON BONDI PIER,
SIPPING TUBES OF ICE-COLD BEER
WITH A BUCKET FULL OF PRAWNS UPON MY KNEE
WHEN I FINISHED THE LAST PRAWN
I HAD A TECHNICOLOR YAWN
AND I CHUNDERED IN THE OLD PACIFIC SEA
CHORUS:
DRINK IT UP, (DRINK IT UP, DRINK IT UP)
BRING IT UP, (BRING IT UP, BRING IT UP)
CRACK ANOTHER DOZEN TUBES OF BEER WITH ME
IF YOU WANT TO THROW YOUR VOICE
MATE YOU HAVEN'T ANY CHOICE
BUT TO CHUNDER IN THE OLD PACIFIC SEA.
I WAS SWIMMING THROUGH THE SURF,
WHEN A MATE OF MINE CALLED MERV
ASKED IF HE COULD HAVE A TUBE OR TWO WITH ME
HE HAD HARDLY FINISHED IT
WHEN HE WENT FOR THE BIG SPIT
AND HE CHUNDERED IN THE OLD PACIFIC SEA.
I'VE HAD LIQUID LAUGHS IN CARS,
AND I'VE HURLED FROM MOVING CARS
AND I'VE CHUNDERED WHERE AND WHEN IT SUITED ME
BUT IF I HAD TO CHOSE THE SPOT
TO REGURGITATE THE LOT
THEN I'D CHUNDER IN THE OLD PACIFIC SEA.
25. SALLY IN THE ALLEY
SALLY'S IN THE ALLEY SIFTING CINDERS
RAISED UP HER HIND LEG AND FARTED LIKE A MAN
THE WIND FROM HER BLOOMERS
BROKE SIX WINDOWS
AND THE CHEEKS OF HER ASS WENT:
BAM! BAM! BAM!
26. FOX ONE IN THE FACE
(Strangers in the Night)
FOX ONE IN THE FACE, YOU NEVER SAW IT
FOX ONE IN THE FACE, YOU REALLY BOUGHT IT
AT THE MERGE TODAY, WE BLEW YOUR SHIT AWAY
THEN WE CAME BACK 'ROUND, YOU HAD NO SA
GCI WAS DOWN, WE CAME BACK TO PLAY
LIMAS AND GUNSHOTS, WE FINISHED OFF THE REST
FIGHTING COCKS AT NIGHT, OUR HAIR'S ON FIRE
FIGHTING COCKS AT NIGHT, HEROES FOR HIRE
BUT WHEN THE SUN GOES DOWN
WE'LL ALL BE DOWNTOWN
DRINKING WITH YOUR WIVES AND GIRLFRIENDS
WHILE YOU MEND YOUR LITTLE EGOS
NEXT TIME THAT WE MEET,
THERE'LL BE NO QUESTIONS
WHO YOU'LL HAVE TO BEAT, IN ANY ACTION
NO ONE FUCKS OR FIGHTS
LIKE FIGHTING COCKS AT NIGHT
27. THE HAIRS ON HER DICKIE-DIE-DUM
SHE CAME FROM GLAMORGAN
WITH TITS LIKE A BARREL ORGAN
CHORUS:
AND THE HAIRS ON HER DICKIE-DIE-DUM
HANG DOWN TO HER KNEES
ONE RED ONE, ONE WHITE ONE,
AND ONE WITH A BIT OF SHITE ON,
AND ONE WITH A FAIRY LIGHT ON
TO SHOW US THE WAY
SHE'D LAY ON A MOUNTAIN
AND PISS LIKE A BLOODY FOUNTAIN
SHE MARRIED AN ITALIAN
WITH BALLS LIKE A FUCKING STALLION
I'VE KNOWN IT, I'VE SEEN IT,
I'VE BED DOWN BETWEEN IT
28. THE WING CO'S DFC
ROLLING DOWN THE RUNWAY, THROTTLES OPEN WIDE,
SEE THE MIGHTY F4 SWAY FROM SIDE TO SIDE
AIRBORNE AGAIN WITH MANY A GLITCH,
IT'S JUST ONE MORE ABORTIVE TRIP,
BUT WE'LL CARRY ON REGARDLESS
FOR THE WING COMMANDERS DFC & BAR
WENT TO EARLY BRIEFING, CLIMBED INTO THE KITE,
OPENED THE THROTTLES AND ROARED INTO THE NIGHT
LEAVING THE RUNWAY FAR BEHIND
IT'S DARK OUTSIDE BUT WE DON'T MIND,
'CAUSE WE'RE PRESSING ON REGARDLESS
FOR THE WING COMMANDERS DFC & BAR
"A MIG AT YOUR SIX IS BETTER THAN
NO MIG AT ALL."
-UNKNOWN
29. BATTLE HYMN
WE FLY OUR FUCKING FIGHTERS AT TWO HUNDRED FUCKING FEET. WE FLY OUR
FUCKING FIGHTERS THROUGH THE RAIN
AND SNOW AND SLEET. AND THOUGH WE
THINK WE'RE FLYING SOUTH WE'RE
FLYING FUCKING NORTH, AND WE HAVEN'T
SEEN OUR WINGMAN SINCE THE FIRTH OF
FUCKING FORTH
CHORUS:
GLORY, GLORY, WHAT A HELLUVA WAY TO DIE
GLORY, GLORY, WHAT A HELLUVA WAY TO DIE
GLORY, GLORY, WHAT A HELLUVA WAY TO DIE
(LAST LINE OF VERSE)
WE FLY OUR FUCKING FIGHTERS AT ONE HUNDRED FUCKING FEET. WE FLY OUR FUCKING FIGHTERS THROUGH THE CORN AND RYE AND WHEAT. THOUGH WE THINK WE FLY WITH SKILL, WE FLY WITH FUCKING LUCK. BUT WE DON'T GIVE A DAMN OR CARE A FLYING FUCK.
WE FLY OUR FUCKING FIGHTERS AT FIFTY FUCKING FEET. WE FLY OUR FUCKING
FIGHTERS AND IT'S REALLY FUCKING NEAT.
THOUGH WE THINK WE'RE FLYING UP, WE'RE
REALLY FLYING DOWN. AND WE BUST OUR FUCKING ASSES WHEN WE HIT THE FUCKING
GROUND.
WE FLY OUR FUCKING FIGHTERS AT THE SPEED OF FUCKING HEAT. WE FLY OUR FUCKING
FIGHTERS AND IT'S QUITE A FUCKING TREAT.
WITH OUR BURNERS FUCKING COOKIN' AND OUR
STICK PULLED FUCKING BACK. AND THERE AIN'T A BLOKE AMONG YA WHO CAN CATCH OUR
FUCKING ACT.
NEWBOY "WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH A HIGH ASPECT BANDIT?"
SICKERS "SHOOT THE BASTARD DOWN!!"
30. SOUTH ATLANTIC HORNPIPE
(Drunken Sailor)
WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH THE ARGENTINIANS?
WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH THE ARGENTINIANS?
WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH THE ARGENTINIANS?
EARLY IN THE MORNING
NUKE, NUKE, NUKE THE BASTARDS
NUKE, NUKE, NUKE THE BASTARDS
NUKE, NUKE, NUKE THE BASTARDS
EARLY IN THE MORNING
WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH A MIRAGE 3?
SMASH HIM IN THE FACE WITH A SKYFLASH MISSILE
WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH AN A-4 SKYHAWK?
STUFF HIM UP THE ARSE WITH AN AIM-9 LIMA
WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH A PUCA-ARA?
GUN HIM ON THE GROUND BEFORE HE'S AIRBORNE
WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH THE ARGIE GROUND TROOPS?
STRAFE, STRAFE, STRAFE THE BASTARDS
WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH AN ARGIE WIDOW?
SHOOT HER SONS AND FUCK HER DAUGHTERS
"THEN MY DAMN GUNS JAMMED, MY MASK SLIPPED DOWN AND I COULDN'T TALK. I BROKE
RIGHT AND MY HELMET SLIPPED
OVER MY EYES AND I BLACKED OUT. WHEN I WOKE UP, TWO GUYS WERE KICKING ME WHILE A
THIRD HELD A GUN IN MY FACE."
-UNKNOWN
31. SWING LOW SWEET CHARIOT
(1ST RENDITION-SING/GESTURES
2ND RENDITION-HUM/GESTURES
3RD RENDITION-GESTURES ONLY)
SWING LOW, SWEET CHARIOT (PTOOEY!)
COMIN' FOR TO CARRY ME HOME
SWING LOW, SWEET CHARIOT (PTOOEY!)
COMIN' FOR TO CARRY ME HOME
I LOOK OVER JORDON AND WHAT DO I SEE (AAA)
COMIN' FOR TO CARRY ME HOME
A BAND OF ANGELS (PTOOEY!)
COMIN' AFTER ME (PTOOEY!)
COMIN' FOR TO CARRY ME HOME
32. I DON'T WANT TO JOIN THE ARMY
OH, I DON'T WANT TO JOIN THE ARMY
I DON'T WANT TO GO TO WAR I'D RATHER
HANG AROUND PICADILLY UNDERGROUND
LIVING OFF THE EARNINGS OF A HIGH
CLASS LADY I DON'T WANT A BULLET UP
ME ARSEHOLE I DON'T WANT ME BUTTOCKS
SHOT AWAY I'D RATHER STAY IN ENGLAND
JOLLY JOLLY ENGLAND AND FORNICATE ME
BLOODY LIFE AWAY!
CHORUS:
MONDAY, I TOUCHED HER ON THE ANKLE
TUESDAY, I TOUCHED HER ON THE KNEE
WEDNESDAY, WITH SUCCESS,
I LIFTED UP HER DRESS
AND THURSDAY, I SAW HER YOU KNOW WHAT
FRIDAY, I HAD ME HAND UPON IT
AND SATURDAY, SHE GAVE ME BALLS
A TWEAK (TWEAK, TWEAK)
BUT IT WAS SUNDAY AFTER SUPPER, I RAN
THE 'OLE BOY UP 'ER AND NOW SHE WANTS
IT SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, GOR BLIMEY!
OH, I DON'T WANT TO JOIN THE NAVY
I DON'T WANT TO SAIL THE SEVEN SEAS
I'D RATHER FLY A JET, FUCK A TALL BRUNETTE
AND DRINK MY FILL OF GOOD SCOTCH WISKEY
I DON'T WANT SEAMEN IN ME QUARTERS
I DON'T WANT ME COCK TO ROT AWAY
I'D RATHER STAY IN ENGLAND
JOLLY JOLLY ENGLAND
AND FORNICATE ME BLOODY LIFE AWAY!
OH, I DON'T WANT TO JOIN THE AIR FORCE
I DON'T WANT TO SLIP THE SURLY BONDS
I'D RATHER HANG AROUND IN A PUB DOWNTOWN
DRINKIN' ME ALE FROM A HALF-YARD TANKER
I DON'T WANT ACK-ACK UP ME TAILPIPE
I DON'T WANT ME RUDDER SHOT AWAY
I'D RATHER STAY IN ENGLAND
JOLLY JOLLY ENGLAND
AND FORNICATE ME BLOODY LIFE AWAY!
SO, CALL OUT THE ARMY AND THE NAVY
CALL OUT THE AIR FORCE RANK AND FILE
CALL OUT THE ROYAL TERRITORIALS
THEY FACE DANGER WITH A BLOODY GREAT SMILE
CALL OUT THE BOYS OF THE OLD BRIGADE
THEY FOUGHT TO KEEP OLD ENGLAND FREE
YOU CAN CALL OUT ME MOTHER,
ME SISTER, AND ME BROTHER
BUT FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T CALL ME!
"YOU NEVER MAKE A TRUCK AND TOMORROW MAKE IT A RACE CAR. AND YOU NEVER CAN
MAKE A BOMBER AND THE NEXT DAY A FIGHTER. THE PHYSICAL LAWS MEAN THAT YOU NEED
ANOTHER AIRPLANE...YOU SHOULD DO ONE JOB AND SHOULD DO THIS JOB GOOD."
-BUBI HARTMANN
POETRY NICE!
RUB A DUB DUB, THREE MEN IN A TUB
BUTTFUCKING!
THERE ONCE WAS A LADY WHO LIVED IN A SHOE.
SHE HAD SO MANY KIDS HER CUNT FELL OUT!
JACK AND JILL WENT UP THE HILL TO FETCH A PAIL OF WATER. JACK FELL DOWN AND
BROKE HIS DICK, SO JILL HAD TO MASTURBATE!
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB, IT'S FLEECE WAS
WHITE AS SNOW. IT FOLLOWED HER TO SCHOOL
ONE DAY AND A BIG BLACK DOG FUCKED IT!
LITTLE MISS MUFFET SAT ON A TUFFET,
EATING HER CURDS AND WHEY.
ALONG CAME A SPIDER
AND SAT DOWN BESIDE HER AND
SAID "WHAT'S IN THE BOWL BITCH?" SO
SHE SMASHED HIM WITH HER SPOON!
OLD MOTHER HUBBARD WENT TO THE CUPBOARD
TO FETCH HER POOR DOG A BONE.
BUT WHEN SHE BENT OVER,
OLD ROVER DROVE HER, AND
GAVE HER A BONE OF HIS OWN!
LITTLE JACK HORNER, SAT IN THE CORNER,
EATING HIS SISTER AWAY.
HE STUCK IN HIS THUMB, AND PULLED OUT A PLUM,
AND SAID:
"WHERE'S YOUR CHERRY BITCH!"
HICKORY DICKORY DOCK, THREE MICE RAN
UP THE CLOCK. THE CLOCK STUCK ONE AND KILLED THE LITTLE FUCKER!
ROCK A BYE BABY ON THE TREE TOP. YOUR
MOTHER'S A WHORE, AND I'M NOT YOUR POP!
MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY, SHAVE THAT
PUSSY, 'CAUSE IT'S JUST TOO HAIRY!
MARY HAD A LITTLE SHEEP,
AND WITH THIS SHEEP SHE DID SLEEP.
BUT THAT LITTLE SHEEP WAS A RAM,
SO MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB!
HICKORY DICKORY DOCK, THIS CHICK WAS
SUCKING MY COCK. THE CLOCK STRUCK TWO,
I BLEW MY GOO, AND DROPPED HER OFF ON
THE NEXT BLOCK!
JACK AND JILL WENT UP THE HILL,
EACH WITH A BUCK AND A QUARTER.
JILL CAME DOWN WITH TWO FIFTY. THE WHORE!
MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY,
HOW DOES YOUR GARDEN GROW?
SILVER BELLS AND COCK-A-SHELLS,
AND A GREAT BIG FUCKIN' CUCUMBER!
THREE BLIND MICE, THREE BLIND MICE
SEE HOW THEY RUN, SEE HOW THEY RUN
WHERE THE FUCK DO THEY THINK THEY'RE
GOING?
JACK BE NIMBLE, JACK BE QUICK
JACK'S A FAG, 'CAUSE HE SUCKS DICK!
LITTLE BOY BLUE. HE HAD TO, HE NEEDED THE MONEY!
"FIGHT TO FLY, FLY TO FIGHT, FIGHT TO WIN."
-USN TOPGUN MOTTO
LIMEREICKS
THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN FROM SPARTA
WHO WAS THE WORLD'S CHAMPION FARTER
ON THE STRENGTH OF ONE BEAN
HE PLAYED GOD SAVE THE QUEEN
AND BEETHOVEN'S MOONLIGHT SONATA
THERE ONCE WAS A QUEER FROM KHARTOUM
WHO TOOK A LESBIAN UP TO HIS ROOM
THEY ARGUED ALL NIGHT
AS TO WHO HAS THE RIGHT
TO DO WHAT, WITH WHICH, AND TO WHOM
AN ARGENTINE GAUCHO NAMED BRUNO
SAID FUCKING IS ONE THING I DO KNOW
ALL WOMEN ARE FINE, AND SHHEP ARE DEVINE
BUT LLAMAS ARE NUMERO UNO
THERE ONCE WAS A YOUNG MAN NAMED WOODY
WHO SAID THAT HE WOULDN'T BUT WOULD HE?
IF CAUGHT IN THE NUDE
WITH A GIRL IN THE MOOD
THE QUESTIONS NOT WOULD HE BUT COULD HE?
THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL NAMED GAIL
BETWEEN HER TITS WAS THE PRICEOF HERTAIL
AND ON HER BEHIND, FOR THE SAKE OF THE BLIND
WAS THE SAME INFORMATION IN BRAILLE
THERE WAS A PROFESSOR FROM THE MALL
WHO POSSESSED A CYLINDRICAL BALL
THE CUBE ROOT OF ITS WEIGHT
PLUS HIS PENIS PLUS EIGHT
WAS 1/2 OF 2/3S OF FUCK ALL
THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL FROM PERU
WHO SAID AS THE BISHOP WITHDREW
THE VICAR IS QUICKER HE'S ALSO A LICKER
AND CONSIDERABLY THICKER THAN YOU
THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL FROM ST PAUL
WHO WORE A NEWSPAPER DRESS TO A BALL
HER DRESS CAUGHT ON FIRE
AND BURNED HER ENTIRE
FRONT PAGE, SPORTS SECTION, AND ALL
THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN FROM RANGOON
WHO WAS BORN BY THE LIGHT OF THE MOON
HE HAD NOT THE LUCK TO BE BORN BYA FUCK
BUT WAS A WET DREAM SCOOPED UPIN A SPOON
THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN FROM NEW BRIGHTON
WHO SAID MY DEAR YOU'VE A TIGHT ONE
SHE SAID ON MY SOUL
YOU HAVE THE WRONG HOLE
IT'S THE ONE UPFRONT THAT'S THE RIGHT ONE
THERE ONCE WAS A YOUNG GIRL NAMED ALICE
WHO USED DYNAMITE FOR A PHALLUS
THEY FOUND HER VAGINA IN NORTH CAROLINA
AND BITS OF HER TITS IN DALLAS
THERE ONCE WAS A YOUNG MAN FROM NANTUCKET
WHOSE DICK WAS SO LONG HE COULD SUCK IT
HE SAID WITHA GRIN AS HE WIPED OFF HIS CHIN
IF MY EAR WERE A CUNT I WOULD FUCK IT!
THERE WAS AN OLD HERMIT NAMED DAVE
WHO KEPT A DEAD WHORE IN HIS CAVE
HE SAID I'LL ADMIT I'M A BIT OF A SHIT
BUT THINK OF THE MONEY I'LL SAVE
THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN FROM ST CLAIRE
WHO MADE LOVE TO A GIRL ON A STAIR
WHEN THE BANNISTER BROKE
HE JUST TRIPLED HIS STROKE
AND FINISHED HER OFF IN MID-AIR
IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN SAT ADAM
WITH HIS HAND ON THE BUTT OF HIS MADAM
AND HE CHUCKLED WITH MIRTH
FOR HE KNEW THAT ON EARTH
THERE WERE ONLY 2 BALLS AND HE HAD'EM
THERE WAS A YOUNG COUPLE NAMED KELLY
WHO ALWAYS WALKED BELLY TO BELLY
BECAUSE IN THEIR HASTE
THEY USED LIBRARY PASTE
INSTEAD OF PETROLEUN JELLY
THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN FROM GODIZES
WHO'S BALLS WERE 2 DIFFERENT SIZES
THOUGH ONE WAS SO SMALL
IT WEIGHED NOTHING AT ALL
THE OTHER WAS BIG AND WON PRIZES
THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY FROM WEAVER
WHO HAD AN AFFAIR WITH A BEAVER
THE RESULT OF THE FUCK
WAS TWO GEESE AND A DUCK
AND AN OFF-COLOR IRISH RETRIEVER
THERE ONCE WAS A PILOT FROM K-2
WHO BUGGERED A GIRL IN TAEGU
HE SAID TO THE DOC, AS HE HANDED HIM HIS COCK
WILL I LOSE BOTH MY TESTICLES TOO?
THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN FROM KEITH
WHO SKINNED BACK PRICKS WITH HIS TEETH
IT WASN'T FOR PLEASURE
HE ADOPTED THIS MEASURE
BUT FOR THE CHEESE HE FOUND UNDERNEATH
THERE WAS A YOUNG LASS NAMED ALICE
WHO PEED IN THE ARCHBISHIP'S CHALICE
IT WAS NOT FOR RELIEF AS WAS THE BELIEF
BUT PURELY FROM PROTESTANT MALICE
THERE WAS A JOUNG LADY FROM RANSON
WHO HAD IT THREE TIMES IN A HANSON
WHEN SHE CRIED FOR MORE A VOICE FROM
THE FLOOR
CRIED MY NAME IS NOT SIMPSON, IT'S SAMPSON
THERE WAS A JOUNG BISHOP FROM BIRMINGHAM
WHO DIDDLED THE NUNS WHILE CONFIRMIN 'EM
HE BROUGHT THEM INDOORS, SLIPPED DOWN THEIR DRAWERS
AND SLIPPED HIS EPISCOPAL WORM IN 'EM
THERE ONCE WAS A LADY NAMED LIL
WHO SWALLOWED AN ATOMIC PILL
THEY FOUND HER VAGINA IN NORTH CAROLINA
AND ONE OF HER TITS IN BRAZIL
THERE ONCE WAS A GIRL FROM ST PAUL
WHO WENT TO A MASQUERADE BALL
SHE HAD THE AFFRONT TO GO AS A CUNT
AND GOT SCREWED BY A DON IN THE HALL
THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN FROM DAKOTA
WHO WOULDN'T PAY A WHORE WHAT HE OWED HER
SO WITH GREAT SAVOIR FAIRE
SHE CLIMBED ON A CHAIR
AND PISSED IN HIS WHISKEY AND SODA
THE BRIDE OF A FARMER NAMED ZAKAR
WAS POKED IN HER BED BY THE BAKER
THE BAKER CRIED WHAT YOU CALL THIS A TWAT
WHY THE ENTRANCE IS MORE THAN AN ACRE
"I NEVER WENT INTO THE AIR THINKING
I WOULD LOSE."
-DUKE CUNNINGHAM
FIGHTER PILOT'S NUMERICAL CODES
(FALCON CODES)
99 -HOT SCREAMING SHIT
100 -SHIT HOT
101 -YOU'VE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME
102 -GET OFF MY FUCKING BACK
103 -BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF ME
104 -WHAT THE FUCK OVER
105 -IT'S SO FUCKING BAD, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT
106 -I HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE
107 -THIS PLACE SUCKS
108 -FUCK YOU VERY MUCH
109 -BEAUTIFUL, JUST FUCKING BEAUTIFUL
110 -THAT DAMNED O'CLUB
111 -HERE COMES ANOTHER BUTTER BAR
112 -FUCK, SHIT, HATE
113 -I JUST GOT FUCKED AGAIN
114 -HAIR PIE, FUR BURGER
115 -BIG FUCKING DEAL
116 -STICK IT IN YOUR FUCKING EAR
117 -GET BENT
118 -WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK
119 -YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF FUCKING BALLS
120 -MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS
121 -FUCK IT, JUST FUCK IT
122 -GO SHIT IN YOUR MESS KIT
123 -STRICTLY AN ASSHOLE
124 -YOU MUST HAVE ME CONFUSED WITH
SOMEONE WHO GIVES A SHIT
125 -FUCK YOU
126 -BEND OVER, HERE IT COMES, ANOTHER
GOOD DEAL
127 -NICE ASS, NICE CHIN TOO
128 -GODDAMN SHIT FUCK
129 -I LOVE IT SO FUCKING MUCH I COULD SHIT
130 -THOSE SHITHEADS FUCKED UP AGAIN
131 -THE FUCKING MAID WOKE ME UP
132 -YOUR SHIT IS WEAK
133 -YOU SLIMEY FUCKER
134 -FUCK THE FUCKING FUCKERS
135 -I'M GOING TO BLOW YOUR SHIT AWAY
136 -STUD HORSE PISS WITH THE FOAM FARTED OFF
137 -FUCK USAF, FUCK ACC, FUCK ME
138 -THOSE FUCKING OPERATORS
139 -EVERYBODY NEEDS A FUCKING HOBBY
140 -HAPPINESS IS A WARM PUSSY
141 -YOU SHITHEAD
142 -FUCK A RED-ASS DUCK
143 -EVERYTHING I TOUCH TURNS TO SHIT
144 -YOU JUST STEPPED ON YOUR DICK
145 -HANG IT IN YOUR FUCKING EAR
146 -I LOVE THE FUCKING AIR FORCE AND
THE AIR FORCE LOVES FUCKING ME
147 -SHOW US YOUR TITS
148 WHAT'S THE POINT OF HAVING A RADIO IF YOU
CAN'T SPEAK FUCKING ENGLISH
"THE FIGHTER PILOTS HAVE TO ROVE IN THE AREA ALLOTTED TO THEM IN ANY WAY THEY
LIKE, AND WHEN THEY SPOT AN ENEMY THEY ATTACK AND SHOOT HIM DOWN; ANYTHING ELSE
IS RUBBISH."
-MANFRED VON RICHTHOFEN
STANDARDIZED BREVITY CODES
We are sorely lacking in standardised brevity codes to be used when TDY to an alien O club. The following concise and standardised transmissions may be used by all fighter jocks when manoevering south of the brass footrail:
AUTONOMOUS INTX MOVING IN ON A CHICK WHILE WEARING A TDY NAMETAG
BINGO YOUR BEER CAN'S EMPTY
BREAK AGGRESSIVE MANEUVER TO BE USED WHEN YOU'VE GOT A "PIG" AT 6
O'CLOCK AND CLOSING
BANDIT UNESCORTED FEMALE
BUGOUT LAST DITCH MANOEUVER TO BE USED
IF BREAK WAS INEFFECTIVE
BULLSEYE THE ONLY FEMALE IN THE BAR
CHEAP SHOT A GLASS OF WEED ON THE ROCKS
CHECK FUEL SHAKE YOUR BEER CAN
CONTACT SHE GAZES UP INTO YOUR EYES
CONTACT LOST YOU BREATHED ON HER
CORNER VELOCITY THE MAXIMUM SPEED AT WHICH YOU CAN RUN 'EM WITHOUT YOUR GIRL
FINDING OUT
ENGAGED WHAT SHE THINKS SHE IS IF YOU GIVE HER YOUR SQUADRON PATCH
FOX 1 THE FIRST GOOD-LOOKING FEMALE IN THE BAR
FOX 2 THE SECOND GOOD-LOOKING FEMALE IN THE BAR
FOX 3 N/A AT ACTIVE UNITS
GRAPE A BLIND, DEAF, 82 YEAR OLD PARAPALEGIC WHO'S HOT TO TROT
IN ENGAGED FIGHTER IN HOT PURSUIT, IMPLIES THAT FREE FIGHTER EITHER SUPPORT OR
GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY
JINKOUT REQUIRED MANEUVER WHEN THE SPOUSE SNEAKS UNOBSERVED INTO DEEP 6 WHILE
YOU'RE IN. SHOULD BE UNNECESSARY IF FREE FIGHTER IS PROPERLY SUPPORTING
KNOCK-IT-OFF CALL MADE BY A BANDIT WHEN SHE THINKS THE ENGAGEMENT HAS GONE FAR
ENOUGH. COMM OUT SIGNAL IS A WELL PLACED KNEE
SHACK RESULT OF A WELL PLACED KNEE
ON THE DECK CRAWLING UP TO THE BARSTOOL
ON TOP ONE OF TWO CHOICES A BANDIT HAS FOR TERMINATING AN ENGAGEMENT
PIREP A LIE TOLD IN THE BAR BY A JOCK JUST BACK FROM XC
REATTACK WHEN YOU ARE UNSUCCESSFUL ON YOUR FIRST ATTACK AND THERE'S NOTHING
BETTER IN SIGHT
SCISSORS A SERIES OF QUICK, CLEVER STATEMENTS DESIGNED TO NEGATE THE BANDIT'S
DEFENSIVE MANOEUVERING. TO BE USED ONLY IF A QUICK KILL IS NOT FEASIBLE
SNAP SHOT "HI, I FLY JETS. HOW DO YOU LIKE
ME SO FAR?" (OFTEN FOLLOWED BY A KNOCK-IT-OFF)
"ONE MUST NOT WAIT TILL THEY COME ACROSS, BUT SEEK THEM OUT AND HUNT THEM
DOWN."
-OSWALD BOELKE