The Boudoir
No. 5
VOLUPTUOUS CONFESSIONS OF A
FRENCH LADY OF FASHION
[Translated from the French.']
PART 11 —Continued from page 153
I could not answer, but I could not help opening my thighs,
and lifting my nightgown in secret, he got over me, and I
held him fast in my embrace, waiting and impatiently desiring
the supreme moment.
I soon felt the head of his instrument. A shivering fit
seized
me, during which I took care to introduce it as far in as pos-
sible. I still felt a tolerably severe pain, but that did not
stop
me; the happy fire that circulated through my veins made me
support all. Already I felt the advance symptoms of enjoy-
ment. I tried all I could not to speak; I wanted to cry out, and
tell all I felt. I now perfectly understood my aunt's words,
but the silence of Charles, who seemed wrapped up in him-
self, prevented me giving vent to my feelings.
He continued his movements, and kissed me, but he did
not seem beside himself, as I should have wished. I could not
resist the impulse to push up my bottom, and cry out! Then
I remained perfectly still... I was spending... so that I
almost lost my senses.
Charles stopped for a second, and seemed astonished at
my transports. I curbed myself, and he still pursued his
career . . . what more can I say?
He was a long while performing his sweet duty, and I
poured out the sweet dew four times! At last I felt him shud-
der and sigh, and a fiery, flaming jet inundated my entrails.
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We both remained quiet. I, exalted, in a fever, but ready to
begin again; he, broken down, and only requiring rest. So
we fell asleep.
Next morning, on awakening, I found myself once more
alone. I was not sorry, and my brain recapitulated the scene
of the night, till I felt a curiosity that impelled me to
examine
my body. I sat up on the pillows, my legs well apart, and with
my hands opened the lips of my crack. I found a great change;
the interior was much more rosy, the opening was made,
and my entire finger easily plunged within. This examination
amused me, and would have produced certain consequences,
but a discreet rap at my door made me cover myself up
hastily, and take a natural position in the bed.
'Twas Bertha, who found me fresh and gay, and who
smiled as she kissed me. We gossiped like sisters as I dressed.
I was a real woman now, and my pretty aunt treated me as
one. She drew certain secrets from me that seemed to interest
her greatly and questioning me, I told her what took place.
She seemed much surprised when I said that I had felt great
pleasure four times, while Charles had only done it to me
once. Evidently the slight amount of my husband's virile
strength, compared to the vigour of hers, surprised her
greatly.
The day passed away, and, as my husband was a great
sportsman, he went out shooting. I took a walk with Bertha.
We all met at dinner, and passed the evening with a little
music.
Night arrived, but how different from the two preceding
ones; Charles popped an ugly silk handkerchief on his head,
chatted about our early departure, about our new house,
&c. but never a word about love, not even a caress; he em-
braced me coldly, and slept.
I awoke on the morrow before he did, and a terrible
longing seized me to look at the instrument that I had only
felt twice, and which did not much resemble Monsieur B.'s
in size or strength. I was favoured by circumstances. It was
warm, and Charles had thrown off the sheet, that only just
hid the particular part. Luckily, his shirt had been pulled up;
I had only to draw down the sheet a little, with infinite
172
prudence, and I caught sight of the sad tool which was to be
my only consolation.
What a difference, indeed, to that of Monsieur B.! Small,
wrinkled, and in a shrivelled skin, one could hardly guess at
the presence of its limp head, that reposed on his thigh.
Henceforward, I believe, my destiny was fixed.
Charles stirred, I made haste to turn round and pretended
to sleep, and he left the bed first, as was his habit.
The limit fixed for our sojourn at granny's house drew near.
I was far from being unhappy, as my husband was good to me
and loved me as heartily as his cold nature allowed him. He
was proud of my beauty and refused me nothing, but all this
did not suffice. It was not what I had so much desired —
namely, a voluptuous, lascivious, ardent love, for which I
would have sacrificed everything, for which I was capable of
real devotion! I could see laid out before me, a gentle mo-
notonous life, probably without the birth of a child, but too
difficult to support for a temperament like mine.
Charles did it to me once or twice a week, and always in the
same despairing reserved style. He only kissed my cheeks or
my forehead, my young firm breasts received no caresses, his
hand seemed to flee that charming place that would have so
gladly welcomed its touch. I too felt that I dare not try to
feel
him, as instinctively I knew he would have repulsed me.
We had already been married two years, I was twenty!
My temperatment now in full blast had increased in passion,
instead of growing calmer! My husband did it less and less,
and as I feared I had no child, and a baby would have changed
my one fixed idea.
My grandmother had been dead a year. We dwelt in the
town of Z —, where my husband occupied an exalted po-
sition that obliged him to be frequently absent, and these
little journeys suited his taste for hunting and shooting.
Therefore I was often alone, and in spite of music, that I
continued to love and successfully cultivate, my brain was
always at work, my excited senses continually pictured scenes
of delirious love. What fearful nights I used to pass alone,
writhing between the sheets in lascivious positions that I
instinctively invented!
173
My finger was powerless to satisfy me now. I would take
my bolster, and embrace it with twisted legs and twining
arms, as if it could realize my desires. I would rub against it
and reach a degree of comparative spending enjoyment that
drove me still madder. I would change my position, and get
astride on it, rubbing myself, till the sluices of pleasure,
swol-
len to the uttermost by this stimulant, burst open, and
procured me some relief.
These nervous fits brought on hallucinations, that mani-
fested themselves by an inconceivable state of hysteria. My
calm and gay temper became unequal and capricious. I
resisted as well as I could, but at last I avowed myself van-
quished, and fell! Was I very, very guilty?
I was very friendly with Madame D., wife of the principal
magistrate of the town, a slight blonde, who may have been
pretty once, but who was already beginning to fade, and I
think that she had had many intrigues when young.
One day, when visiting her, she informed me that Mon-
sieur F. had come to take command of the garrison. He was
a young officer, who had been much talked about. He had
fought with rare courage on the battlefield, and had rapidly
earned the epaulettes of lieutenant-colonel. He was about
thirty-six and unmarried.
Madame D. told us that she had invited him to dinner and
my husband and myself were to meet him. Was it a presenti-
ment? I know not, but I returned home quite pensive, and
slightly jealous of Madame D.
I must confess, I got ready what I thought was a most
ravishing dress, and three days afterwards the dinner came
off. We entered the drawing room, Monsieur F. was already
there. In a moment, I had examined him. He was tall, vigor-
ous, and well-built, his countenance frank and open, and his
manner well-bred. He was introduced and his sweet per-
suasive voice charmed me. My heart grew cold, and then all
the blood in my veins rushed to my face. Oh! I was a captive
caught in the toils at last, and 1 did not even seek to combat
the influence that invaded my soul.
The dinner was served and it turned out a very gay one;
Monsieur F. was able to show his brilliant and cultivated
174
wit. He sat at Madame D.'s right hand ... I could have
killed her!
After dinner, he approached me, asked to be allowed to
pay me a visit, and talked to my husband, whom he pleased
vastly. Madame D. sat down at the piano and played a lively
waltz; Monsieur D. said that I was a good partner and asked
me to take a turn with him, but he was old and soon fatigued,
so Monsieur F. offered to take his place.
As I felt his arm encircle my waist I was taken with a
nervous tremor that evidently did not escape him.
I gave myself up to the charm of the hour. Monsieur F.
boldly profited by the embrace in which he held me, in spite
of the spectators. As he turned a corner of the drawing room,
he was able to press me so tightly to him that I felt for a
second against my belly a certain object so hard and stiff, that
I was nearly fainted.
That waltz was the signal of my defeat!
The happy evening was too soon over. Once more at home.
I undressed quickly, and pretending fatigue said good night
to my husband, jumped into bed, not to sleep, but to dream.
I was placed on my left side, my bottom turned to Charles;
a caprice seized him; I felt him softly lift my linen, and then,
pressing against me, he tried to get into me from behind. I
was vexed at first, but, my temperament overpowering me,
I gave way to his designs, but he could not manage it, and
he did not get in.
I lost all patience, and rapidly threw off the sheet by a
sudden movement, I passed my hand behind me, seized
the dart, which was useless without a guide, and stuffed it
into my body to the last inch. I was thinking of Monsieur F.
the whole time. I imagined that he was behind me, and that
he was doing it to me. Under my breath I addressed to him
all that I was burning to say at such a moment.
Three times the dew of love gushed out for him, for him
alone! My husband, profiting, unwittingly by the result of my
thoughts, did his duty a little better than usual, and refreshed
me with a copious ejaculation.
When he had retired, I feared that, with his habitual ridicu-
lous reserve, he would have made a fuss about the spontane-
175
ous movement that made me seize and imprison his instru-
ment myself, but he seemed, on the contrary, grateful to me.
I made a note thereof for the future.
The next day, Monsieur F. came to pay us a visit, but we
were out and I was really grieved when I found his card. He
returned on the third day, and his persistence pleased me
greatly; my husband was at home, we received him as cor-
dially as possible and pressed him to come often.
I fancied that he treated me with particular warmth of
feeling, and I was happy at the thought!
A gentle intimacy quickly sprang up between us, my love
grew greater each day, and I already saw that my adored
F. reciprocated the feeling. Although he had said nothing as
yet, I was sure of it —what woman ever makes a mistake?
We had, as yet, never been alone together; I ardently de-
sired and yet feared that moment. I did not wish to abandon
myself entirely at the first interview, and I felt that it would
be
impossible for me to resist one single instance! I resolved to
know more of him, to try him . . . but all my strength of will
melted away directly I saw him. In such a state of mind, how
could I resist his attack?
That was quickly proved! One day, he came at three
o'clock; my husband was away, but I had a visitor, a weari-
some female, who had no idea of getting up and going. I
I could see my dear F. waiting and suffering, but at last, not
being decently able to remain any longer, he took his leave,
giving me a supplicating look that I was powerless to resist.
I said to him: "Has not my husband promised you such and
such a book?"
"Yes, madam, and I had hoped to be able to take it with me
to-day/'
"I will give it you —Pardon me, madam," said I to my
eternal bore, "and permit me to leave you for an instant."
We were in a small reception room that served as my
boudoir. P., who understood me, went out and waited for me
in the big drawing room, whither I rejoined him, with an
odd volume in my hand.
In an instant, he declared his passion. What he said —what I
answered, I know not. I remember nothing.
176
I led him towards the hall, for fear we should be overheard.
There was a double door between the drawing room and a
little vestibule, where I could hear a servant. As we reached
there, Monsieur F., beside himself, seized me in his arms, and
a lingering kiss, a kiss of fire, a kiss that responded to my
soul,
arrested a shriek that I should not have been able to stifle.
At the same time, his prompt hand had lifted my petti-
coats, and was scientifically caressing my burning slit, that
quick as lightning poured out upon his fingers palpable
traces of the spendings that filled it to overflowing.
"Begone,... begone! .. . away," I said, with stifled accents.
"Go .. . To-morrow ... three o'clock"; and I fled in a state
which I cannot describe.
Happily, the lady who was waiting was not very clever, and
did not notice my disordered state.
I shall not undertake to narrate my feelings till the next
day.
All that I can remember is, that I firmly resolved to satisfy
my erotic longings.
My husband intended to absent himself for two or three
days, and I arranged so as to send my servants on different
errands. I dressed myself carefully and waited.
My dear F. arrived. I opened the door to him myself, and
led him to my boudoir.
We sat down, much embarrassed. He was very respect-
ful and asked my pardon for what he had done the day
before, saying that he was unable to master the delirious
rage that had seized him, and that his love for me was such
that he would die if he was unable to enjoy me.
I knew not how to answer. Both our hearts were too full.
He took my hand and kissed it. Shuddering, I rose. Our
mouths met. I confess I made no more attempts at resistance.
I had not the strength to do so.
I fully enjoyed this intense happiness. I felt that he was
carrying me along —but to where? What were we to do? In
my boudoir there were only a very narrow low sofa, some arm-
chairs, and ordinary seats without arms.
F., still holding me in his arms, sat on a chair, so that I
found myself in front of him, leaning over his head and face.
I felt one of his arms loose my waist; soon my clothes were all
177
up in front, and F. tried to pass his knees between my legs.
"Oh, no," said I, between two sobs. "No,... I pray you,
have pity."
F. made efforts to pull me down, so as to straddle across
him; but on instinctive feeling, although I longed for it, I
still
resisted, and stiffened myself against him. We soon became
exhausted. At last, having dropped my eyes a little, I saw
something that put an end to the struggle.
F. had taken out his instrument for the fray. Its ruby,
haughty head stood up proudly. In length and thickness really
uncommon, it vied even with that of Monsieur B. I had no
strength to resist such a sight; my thighs opened by them-
selves. I slid down hiding my face on my lover's shoulder, and
I gave myself up to him, opening myself as much as possible,
desiring, and yet fearing the entrance of such a handsome
guest.
I soon felt the head between the lips of my grotto, that the
thin tool of my husband had not accustomed to such a bounti-
ful measure. I made a movement to help him, and had hardly
introduced the point, when I felt myself flooded by a flaming
jet of loving liquor that covered my thighs and belly.
The prolonged wait, and his own passion, had made the
precious dew pump up too quickly, and I had not been able to
enjoy it as I should.
I could not help showing a little disappointment, but my
lover, covering me with kisses, told me that I need wait but
during a brief period of repose, and that I should soon be
more satisfied with him.
We sat on the sofa, entwined in each other's arms, telling
one another of our love and happiness; we had fallen in love
at first sight, and both had given way to irresistible passion.
In a few moments I saw that my lover was ready to begin
again, and I asked myself how we were going to do it. I did
not wish to try again that posture that had turned out so badly
for me, and I could see F. also looking about him.
An idea struck me. I rose, smiling, and toying with him; he
rose too, I retreated, and he eagerly pursued me, till at last
I went and leant with nonchalance upon the mantelpiece, pre-
senting my crupper, that I wriggled like a cat, and at the same
178
time I turned my head and threw him a provoking glance.
Ah! how he understood me. F. rushed upon me, and kissed
me, saying "thank you."
Then he got behind me, and threw my petticoats over my
back. When he saw the beautiful shape of my bottom, he gave
a loud cry of admiration. I expected as much, but did not
dream of the homage he paid to it.
F. threw himself onto his knees, and after having covered
my backside with kisses he drew them apart, just at the top of
the thighs, and I could feel his lips, nay even his tongue. I
shrieked out, and was overcome.
F. rose up, and began to put it in; his enormous instrument
could not easily penetrate, in spite of our mutual efforts, so
he
drew it out, put a little saliva on the head and shaft, and I
soon
felt myself stabbed to the very vitals, filled and plugged
tightly up, and in a state of unspeakable ecstasy.
My lover, leaning over me, glued his lips to mine, that I
offered to him by turning my head; his tongue dallied with
mine. I was beside myself. I felt myself going mad. The su-
preme moment arrived. I writhed about, uttering inarticulate
words.
F., who was reserving himself, was delighted at my joy; he
let
me calm down, and then I felt his sweet movement again.
Ah, how he knew how to distill pleasure, and double it by a
thousand delicate, subtle shades. Oh! that first lesson; I can
feel it, as I write, between my thighs.
"Dear angel," he said, "tell me what you feel; it's so nice
to
enjoy each other's soft confidence, when we form but one
body, as at this moment."
Oh, how his speech made me happy; I, who had always
wished to hear and say those words that had amost driven me
wild, when my aunt was at work! I did not hesitate an instant
longer.
"I must do it again," said I, "it's coming— push in —again —
right in —finish me —ah! I die!"
"My adored one, I'm coming too —it's bubbling up —Ah I
spend!"
F. gave a push, and fell upon me. I felt his ejaculation, and
nearly fainted under the jet.
179
How was it that I did not die during that embrace? Nothing
that I had imagined at the sight of my aunt's sweet struggles
could approach this reality! I remained overwhelmed, my
head in my arms, my bosom heaving, incapable of movement.
F. drew out. I still spent. I kept on spending. I stopped as
I was, without sense of shame, naked to the waist, trembling,
mechanically continuing the movement of my bottom, and
causing the overflow of liquid to fall to the ground.
F. took pity on me. After rapidly adjusting himself, he
pulled down my petticoats, and taking me in his arms sat by
my side on the sofa. I was delirious for a second. He calmed
me; his sweet voice brought me to a little. I begged him to
leave me to myself, and he went away.
I had at last regained full consciousness. I was in an extra-
ordinary state of disorder, and was obliged to change my
linen. My chemise and stockings were not only stained by
loving liquid but spotted by numerous spots of blood. I had
not had to do with such a full-sized member with impunity.
When I had set in order my toilette and my ideas, I went to
bed and slept soundly, my husband not intending to re-
turn till late in the evening. I awoke about seven, happy,
fresh as a lark, and stronger than I had felt for many a day.
I will not recapitulate all the thoughts that crowded in upon
my brain, as I have already said that I had been drawn on by
irresistible feelings, and above all a natural absolute craving
for the venereal act, that was as necessary for my life as
simple food.
Yet, I was far from depraved! I loved my husband as a
sure friend, as the companion of my existence, and if he had
possessed the manly vigour that was necessary for me, or if
even he had known how to subdue my clever caresses, I should
never have dreamt of being unfaithful to him! I resolved to
spare him all sorrow, and I have fully succeeded, as he has
never had the least suspicion!
This revolution demanded much care, trouble, and even
privation; the town I inhabited was much inclined to scandal,
and it was very difficult for me to hide my connection, so I
had to take endless precautions,
I warned my lover, who, wishing above all to save my repu-
180
tation, promised to do all in his power not to excite
suspicion,
and I knew I could rely on his honour.
A few days went by without our meeting; I suffered greatly
and he as much as I! A sign, a look during our walks was our
only consolation for eight long days!
At last, F. could bear it no longer, and came to pay us a
visit; we chatted in an ordinary friendly way; someone else
called, F. went away; my husband showed him out and re-
turned to the room. I know not what instinct warned me that
F. had not left the house! I got up, with some excuse that
seemed all the more reasonable as the visitor was keeping up
a technical conversation with my husband, and went into the
vestibule. I was not mistaken; F., seeing no servants about,
was waiting by the street-door.
As soon as he saw me, he threw himself upon me, clasped
me in his arms and with violent passion exclaimed: "Darling
angel, how I suffer!"
"And I? ..."
We were once again between the double doors. Before I
knew where I was, our mouths were glued together, my petti-
coats were up to my navel, his finger pushed itself into my
burning slit, that opened beneath its pressure. My hand had
seized the darling object.
What more can I say? In a second or two — a few movements
of our hands took place —I swooned with joy, and drew away
my hand, bathed all over with an abundance of the warm
liquid.
Yet a few moments went by without our being able to
meet, till at last a happy moment of liberty was granted to us.
A whole hour was ours.
Ah, how we profited by it! My lover came into my boudoir.
I rushed to receive him, and I devoured him with caresses.
"Let us do it quickly," we both exclaimed together, "let us
enjoy to the utmost our secret happiness."
I tore myself from him, pulled up my clothes behind, and,
getting onto the sofa on my knees, presented my bottom.
He put it in at once, and I very soon swooned beneath his
copious discharge.
We then sat down, but my lover was not satisfied, and
181
despite my fears I could not refuse. He went on his knees
between my legs, then he made me stretch wide apart. I took
his vigorous firebrand in my hand; it was already as hard as
ever. I stroked it a second, then pushed it gradually into my-
self, while I savoured slowly the delightful pleasure.
When the arrow had completely disappeared in its quiver,
F. leant over me, and lifting my two legs over his arms threw
me backwards, and went to work so lustily that soon a second
ejaculation became added to the first, with which I seemed to
be already filled.
I do not intend to retrace day by day all our delicious
interviews; I will limit myself to a description of the most
striking facts of this adorable liaison, that I wished would
last
out my life! My lover know how to vary our pleasures without
ever reaching satiety, he felt a singular pleasure in teaching
the art of enjoyment and emission, and he found in me a most
docile and willing pupil.
He taught me the names of everything, sometimes making
me say them, but only in the whirl of passion; he used them
himself in supreme moments of bliss, pretending and rightly
too, that such a high spice should never be too much hack-
nied, or it would lose its flavour! As I write on, I forget
myself
in these sweet recollections, but what matter after all?
What cunning caresses! What lascivious postures did he not
teach me! What whims, infantile play, and even prolonging
on both sides! What refinements of pleasure did we not
realise as soon as thought of! I made such progress, under such
a good master, that often I surpassed him.
I used to vastly like to change the way of doing it. For
instance, sometimes when plugged from behind, one of my
favourite positions, would unhorse my cavalier, turn round
quickly, give a kiss to my rosy conqueror, wet with my spend-
ings, and escape to the other end of the room, I would place
myself in an easy chair, my legs upraised, and my pussey quite
open, while I gave it a provoking twitching movement. My
lover was hardly in me again, when by a fresh whim I would
draw it out, make him sit on a chair, get on his knees, my back
turned towards him, and taking his courser, plunging in my
182
body to the very hilt, let his burning jet finish our sweet
operation.
My dear Minet, as I generally called the splendid instru-
ment of my joy, had become my passion, the object of real
worship. I was never tired of admiring its thickness, its stiff-
ness, and its length, all equally marvellous. I would dandle it,
suck it, pump at it, caress it in a thousand different ways, and
rub it between my titties, holding it there by pressing them
with both my hands, Often when captive in this voluptuous
passage, it would throw out its dew.
My lover returned all my caresses with interest. My
pussey was his god, his idol. He assured me that no woman
had ever possessed a more perfect one. He would open
it, and frig it in every conceivable way. His greatest de-
light was to apply his lips thereto, and extract, so to speak,
the quintessence of voluptuousness, by titillations of the
tongue, that almost drove me mad.
(Continued on page 211)
KITTYS DREAM
On her couch, one summer's day,
Beauteous, youthful Kitty lay;
Venus saw her from above,
Smiling Venus, Queen of Love;
Amaz'd at each celestial grace,
Her polish'd limbs, her blooming face —
"Come here, my boy," she said, "and see
"One you might have took for me."
Roguish Cupid, laughing, cries,
"O give me leave to quit the skies,
"And make that heav'nly maiden prove,
"The various mysteries of love:
"The close embrace, the juicy kiss,
"The raging, melting, dying bliss."
Venus consented: "Go, my boy,
183
"Make her know the height of joy."
Away the archer and his train,
Sport along th' ethereal plain.
Now around the sleeping fair
Thousand Cupids fill the air;
In her bosom some inspire
Tender wishes, fond desire;
Some in balmy kisses sip
Nectar from her glowing lip;
Her each heaving snowy breast,
Some with wanton ardour press'd;
Twining round her slender waist,
Some with eager joy embrac'd;
Whilst, at random, others rove
Through the fragrant groves of love.
Whilst thus the God his revels keeps,
Kitty, happy virgin, sleeps:
A pleasing dream her soul employs,
Rich with imaginary joys.
She thinks Sir Charles, upon his knees,
Beseeching her to give him ease;
That she, disdainful, looks awhile;
At length, with a complying smile,
His fears dispelling, lets him see
She burns with love as well as he:
That, folded in his eager arms,
He boldy rifles all her charms,
Whilst she returns the warm embrace,
Breast to breast, and face to face.
Sighing she wakes: "Ah! love," she cries,
"How vast must be thy real joys!
"When thus divinely great they seem,
"Tho' but imagin'd in a dream?"
Scarcely this reflection o'er,
A footman thunders at the door;
Kitty, disordered, leaves her couch,
And Betty tells the Knight's approach.
He enters with becoming grace,
Blushes overspread her face;
184
In a soft, persuasive strain,
He begs her to relieve his pain.
Nothing she says; but from her eyes
He learns that nothing she denies.
Encourag'd thence, her lips, her breast,
He tries, and wanders o'er the rest:
The glowing maid, no longer coy,
Gives an unbounded loose to joy;
Around him folds her snowy arms,
At once bestowing all her charms:
And now this happy couple prove
All the substantial sweets of love;
Till hast'ning to Love's destin'd goal,
True as the needle to the pole,
Raging and stung with keen desire,
In amorous swoonings they expire.
While thousand Cupids laughing by,
Assist their blissful ecstasy.
Loosen'd from his fond embrace,
"My dream," she cries, "is come to pass."
"And did my charmer dream of this?"
Sir Charles replies, and takes a kiss:
"Henceforth whene'er you dream, my dear,
"Let me be your interpreter."
THE BREECHES,
OR
ST. THOMAS-A-BECKET'S RELIC
Father Girard was a celebrated preacher in one of the most
noted cities of France; a man of ready elocution, handsome
person, and a lively eye, which was generally roving among
the female part of his audience. As he was one day preaching
and searching after hearts instead of God, and striving by
wanton ogles to make proselytes to love instead of religion,
he happened to fix his eyes on a beautiful young lady named
Agatha, wife to a physician called Bernard, and was immedi-
ately enamoured with her. The lady was so very devout, that
185
she had her eye constantly fixed on those of the preacher;
but
notwithstanding the zeal of her devotion, she could not help
perceiving that he was handsome, and secretly wished Mons.
Bernard, her husband, was not less agreeable. When the ser-
mon was ended, Agatha addressed Father Girard to give her
confession, who was not a little pleased at hearing so favour-
able an opportunity to discover his passion. Girard, seated in
the confessional chair, heard a short detail of her own sins;
but then she began a long account of those of her husband —
age, neglect, inability, and lastly jealousy, were reckoned up
as
cardinal vices. The father confessor, with an amorous grin,
replied: Jealousy, madam, is a passion which can scarce be
avoided by that happy person who possesses so divine a
creature as yourself. Agatha smiled, and, thinking it time to
return to some female friends, who were waiting for her,
desired absolution. The confessor sighed, and leering on her
with another languishing look: My fair daughter, cries he, who
can free her who is bound himself? I am captivated with the
irresistible power of your beauty, and, without your assis-
tance, can neither absolve myself nor you. Agatha was young,
and not well versed in such intrigues; yet by assistance of a
good natural apprehension, she was not at a loss to unravel
the meaning of these words; she had besides, to quicken her
wit, been strictly guarded, and not over well used by Dr.
Bernard; therefore she had not many scruples of conscience;
but soon let Father Girard perceive, that she was not so dull
as to mistake his meaning, nor was of so nice a virtue as to be
displeased at his declaration, and to find, notwithstanding the
sanctity of his character, he was made of flesh and blood. The
business of the absolution was entirely forgot; Girard began
to be very amorous, and openly professed his passion, and the
lady undertook to find some method to have another inter-
view. After some consideration she acquainted him she was
often troubled with fits, and that all the medicines her hus-
band could administer, procured her no ease: therefore, said
she, the next time he is sent for into the country I'll feign
myself ill of those fits, and send for you to bring with you
some relic for my relief. I suppose, Father, you'll not refuse
my summons, and my confident maid shall conduct you to
186
my chamber. Girard applauded her wit, embraced her with
some rapture, and then they parted.
Dr. Bernard, who apprehended no ill consequence from his
wife's religious zeal, was sent for next morning (very op-
portunely for our lovers) to a country patient. Scarce was he
gone, but Agatha was seized with one of her quondam fits,
and in the midst of her attendants called frequently for some
holy relic —some holy relic of Thomas a Becket.The confident
maid, who was intrusted with the whole affair, pressed some-
one to fetch some of that saint's relics from the next convent,
and that Father Girard, famous for his sanctity, should bring
it. They obeyed, told Father Girard of the accident, and he,
like a holy and pious man, cheerfully hasted away with the
utmost expedition.
Girard arrived, entered the room where the afflicted lady
lay, and with a becoming gravity and well acted sanctimony
approached the bed-side — Agatha prayed for help from
Thomas a Becket. Girard promised his own assistance, and
that of the saint also; but said it was necessary before the
relic
could have the desired effect, she should make her confes-
sion. This made everyone depart the room, and left our re-
ligious lovers to their private ejaculations.
The pious father had not long applied the sacred relic of
Thomas a Becket, before Dr. Bernard unfortunately returning
was heard coming upstairs. The ghostly father leaped from
the bed, hurried on his gown, &c, but unhappily forgot his
breeches, which lay as a useless garment at the bed's head. The
confidant, at the stair's head, bawled out her thanks to heaven
that her lady was recovered; Dr. Bernard entered the room,
and began to frown to see a priest had found the way into his
house, and began to suspect something from his wife's sudden
illness. Agatha with a cheerful smile, and with religious thanks
to heaven, told her husband of her dangerous fit, and her
miraculous recovery by Thomas a Becket's relic. The good
doctor, deceived by the sham innocence of Agatha, began to
correct his jealous thoughts; and Father Girard, after some
pious advice, and a few scriptural texts, wisely withdrew.
Father Girard had not gone far before he recovered from
his fright, and, at his recovery, missed his breeches—This put
187
him into another full as bad: What could he do? he dared not
go back; but, on consideration, hoped for the best; that
Agatha and the maid would convey them secretly away. In
the meantime, the careful uxorious Monsieur Bernard was
rejoicing at his wife's recovery, and saying a thousand things
to her; in the midst of his fondling, he flung himself on the
bed by her, and putting his hand back to take her in his arms
ran his arms into the breeches. Surprised at the greasy trow-
sers, the known appurtenance of the priest, he fell into a
worse fit than that his wife would have made him believe
she had been in. He stormed, he swore, he raved. Amid this
distraction, Agatha, with a ready wit, and an innocent face,
the peculiar attributes of a woman, replied, without the
least hesitation, that it was those breeches which had saved
her life (if she had said their contents, she would have been
nearer the mark): it is to them, says she, that I owe my cure.
O thou miraculous vestment of the divine Thomas a Becket,
which has shed a pleasing influence on thy adorer, still may
thou be the aid of weak woman! These, adds she, the holy
father left with me to strengthen me and prevent the return
of my fit; in the evening he is to come for them.
The readiness of this excuse, and the well feigned religion
of his wife, either deluded honest Monsieur Bernard; or
else, not knowing how to act, he seemed to believe her, and
so it passed off. Agatha's confidant, in the evening, was
sent to tell father Girard her mistress was entirely recovered,
and therefore he should come to fetch away his sacred relics:
she added to this commission, and acquainted her mistress's
confessor of all that had passed. Father Girard knew not
how to act, but, pressed by the necessity of the thing, he went
to the warden of the convent, the person who presided over
them, and was to punish their irregularity of manners, and
acquainted him with the whole affair. The warden reproved
him for his negligence; for, says he, fi non cafte, tamen caute;
if not chastely, yet cautiously, is the maxim of our convent;
however, some expedient must be found out to save the repu-
tation of the order. After some pauses, he ordered the chapel
bell to ring, and convened all the brothers of the convent.
When they were assembled, he told them of a miracle wrought
188
by the power of Thomas a Becket's breeches, in the house
of Dr. Bernard; acquainted them with the particulars, and
advised to fetch them back to the convent in solemn pro-
cession. The whole convent immediately marched out in
great order to Dr. Bernard's house. The doctor met them at
his door, and desired to know the meaning of so solemn a
visit. The warden, who was at the head of them, answered
they were obliged, by the rules of their order, to send their
relics to distressed people, who desired them, in a private
manner, and to fetch them back in a private manner, if through
the heinous sins of the person the relic had no effect; but
where there was a manifest miracle, they went to bring them
home again with solemnity, and to record the whole in the
archives of the convent.
Dr. Bernard conducted the warden and Father Girard up
to his wife's bed-chamber. The good lady held out the
breeches wrapped up in a clean napkin, which the warden
opened and kissed the sacred relic with a personal reverence;
then going down, each brother passed by in their turns and
paid it the same honours. After which being placed on a long
pole, like a military standard, the fraternity returned in
greater
solemnity, singing an anthem, and followed by vast crowds of
people. When they came to their convent, it was placed some
days on their altar as an object of devotion; and Dr. Bernard,
ostentatious of his wife's piety, told everybody the astonishing
miracle wrought on his wife by St. Thomas a Becket's
breeches.
THE THREE CHUMS:
A TALE OF
LONDON EVERYDAY LIFE
(Continued from page 134)
Harry took Alice, as Frank was Lena's cavalier, and the three
couples came to a crisis in a chorus of amorous ejaculations,
as the floodgates of love gave down copious streams of
mingled spunk.
189
Presently, when the first bout was over, they sat down to
supper, the gentlemen in their shirt sleeves, and the three
young ladies, who had dispensed with their dresses, were in
the most charming dishabille.
As soon as the game pie was demolished, each took a girl
on his lap, alternately pledging each other, glass in hand, or
groping and playing all sorts of larks with each other's
p — ks and c — ts.
Charles was anxious to elicit from each fair one the story
of her first seduction, but was met with the usual reticence in
such cases, till presently Lena, standing up, said she could
recite them some poetry, which exactly tallied with her first
experience of the forbidden fruit.
"Bravo, Lena! Go on," they all exclaimed.
"Yes, but only on one condition, and that these three
gentlemen shall have me all together, while you two girls
give their bums a touch of the twigs. Do you agree?"
"Yes, yes. Bravo, Lena! Go on,"
"Well then, here goes, The Maiden's Dream. But I
must recline upon the sofa, with nothing on but my chemise."
Then, suiting the action to the word, threw off her dress-
ing gown, laid down in a luxurious position, with her eyes
closed, feigning a tumultuously excited dream, one leg bent
up, the other hanging over the sofa, her chemise turned up,
exposing all the thighs and quim, one hand frigging gently,
she lay squirming in ecstasy, as she recited:
One night, extended on my downy bed,
Melting in am'rous dreams, although a maid,
My active thoughts presented to my view,
A youth, undrest, whose charming face I knew.
Stript to his shirt, he sprang to me in white,
Like a kind bridegroom on the nuptial night,
And tho' his linen dress ghost-like appear'd,
He look'd, alas! too harmless to be fear'd;
His wishful eyes express'd his eager love,
And twinkl'd like the brightest stars above.
Such modest blushes stain'd his comely face,
That sure no virgin-innocence could guess,
190
By his kind looks, of ev'ry grace possest,
That he could harbour evil in his breast.
"Bless me," said I, "Philander, what d'ye mean?
"How come you hither? —Pray, who let you in?
"Undrest! — Tis rudeness to approach my bed:
"Consider, dearest youth, that I'm a maid.
"You'll catch your death; for Heaven's sake retire;
"The weather's cold, and I have got no fire,"
With that between the sheets one leg he thrust,
Mix'd it with mine, and sighing said, "I must!"
Then clasp'd me in his arms: I strove to squeak,
But found I had no power to stir or speak;
My blood confus'dly in its channels ran,
My body was all pulse, my breath near gone;
My cheeks inflam'd, distorted were mine eyes,
My breast swell'd out with passion and surprise.
And still in vain I strove to make a noise,
Something, methought, I felt that stopp'd my voice,
And did at last such tides of joy impart,
That glided through each vein, and fill'd my heart,
Recall'd my dying senses back again,
And with a flood of pleasure drown'd my pain.
Thus, for a time, I lay dissolved in bliss,
As if translated into Paradise;
But as no drowsy virgin e'er could find
Delight so charming and a youth so kind,
And not awake, when on a sudden bless'd
With melting joys, too great to be express'd;
So I, unable to preserve so strong,
An impress of my dear Philander long,
— Awak'd, much frighted, felt about my bed,
But found, alas! my loving Ariel fled,
And all those luscious pleasures gone and past.
Which seem'd, indeed, too exquisite to last.
I mourn'd the loss, yet felt some small remains
Of the kind warmth still sporting in my veins;
Although my love was vanish'd, yet I vow,
I felt myself all o'er I know not how;
Thought I, if working fancy in the night
191
Can, in a dream, give me such sweet delight,
What must two lovers in a mutual flame
Possess, when waking they repeat the same?
Philander, come, for I'm resolv'd to try
The substance, since the shadow yields such joy.
Alas! one prick's a farce, 'tis not enough for me.
Come on, my boys, I'm game to take all three!
All now stripped to the buff, except the slippers and the
silk stockings, which added to the natural beauty of the ladies'
legs and feet.
"Ah! I had a delicious spend!" exclaimed Lena, springing
on the bed, "but not to be compared with what I expect
now, for I shall ride a St. George on Charlie, take Harry in
my bottom, and Frank in my mouth."
She was raging with voluptuous desire, and straddling over
our hero, as he lay on his back, impaled herself on his pego,
which previous efforts to please the ladies had now brought to
a chronic state of enormously stiff erection, it seemed to
fill her luscious quim to its utmost capacity, to judge from
the stretched appearance of the vermillion lips, as they
amorously clung around the staff of life, they so delighted to
suck in and out.
Harry was at, or rather in his post of duty as quickly as it
can be written; then Frank, kneeling over Charlie's face,
presented his prick as a bonne bouche for Lena to gamahuche,
her bottom and head now moved in slow and graceful undu-
lations, as she commenced this three-fold bout of enjoyment.
Alice and Clara, each provided with light birches, of about
three long sprigs, gently touched up the exposed bottoms, till
they fairly reddened under the smarting cuts, and quickened
the love canter into an impetuous gallop, so that, when
the emitting crisis came, the three young fellows fairly howled
and shouted with excess of delighted emotion, whilst Lena,
going into a fit of hysteria, laughed, cried, and stiffened
herself over Charlie, almost throwing Harry out of her
bottom, whilst her teeth closed so convulsively on Frank's
prick that his delight was considerably mixed with pain.
When they had a little recovered themselves, "After all,"
192
said Clara, "if you have ever read the 'Education of Laura,'
there is a scene there that beats you, Lena, for Rose finishes
off five young fellows at once, by frigging one in each hand,
as well as three, like you just had our friends."
"I could very soon do that," retorted Lena, "But I don't
want to be selfish. Now, which of you girls will volunteer to
let me birch you, to excite their three cocks to another
grand f—k."
Alice was agreeable, if someone would horse her on his
back and hold her firmly by the wrists. "I'm such a coward,
the first cut will make me wince, yet I know how nice and
delightful the finish is," she exclaimed.
Frank engaged to be the horse, as he felt rather spiteful
and wished someone to feel real pain, saying he should much
prefer to hold Lena on his back, and know her bottom was
being well skinned for biting his poor John Thomas.
I am very much obliged to you for your kind wishes, but
Alice's tender rump will give you just as much satisfaction,
poor boy, when I once begin to apply some of Mrs. Martinet's
scientific touches to it."
"This is a serious business," she continued, "so I shall just
take a double-sized switch of twigs, from the cupboard. Those
thin ticklers are only useful just to touch up a man in the act
of f—g. Alice's whipping must be much more severe in order
to stimulate the now languid tools of our friends, and rouse
them again to a state of lustful fury by the sight of the red
flesh, weals, and dripping drops of the ruby, as it is distilled
from the abraded skin."
"Oh, pray don't be so bad as that, Lena," said Alice, appre-
hensively, as she slightly resisted Harry and Charlie trying to
mount her on Frank's back.
"Now, Miss Pert, no nonsense, no drawing back, or I
really will make it worse for your bum!" exclaimed Lena,
standing up and looking fiercely at her helpless victim, now
firmly held over Frank's manly back, whilst Harry and Charlie
knelt down on either side to hold her legs, whilst the pretty
Clara promised to play with each of the gentlemen's cocks in
turn, so as gradually to work them up to a state of glorious
stiffness.
193
"Oh, it stings so! Ah, not quite so hard, Lena, dear," sighed
Alice, as the first two or three light touches made her buttocks
tingle under the smart.
"Is that better, you rude girl? Didn't I catch you frigging
yourself in bed this morning?" asked Lena, with a spiteful
smile on her face.
"Ah, ah, oh, no! My God, how you cut me! I shall die. I
never frigged myself. I should be ashamed to do such a thing,"
she sobbed, the tears trickling down her blushing face.
"Just listen to the hardened thing. It's as bad as saying I'm
a
liar!" retorted Lena, with two vicious cuts, which made poor
Alice scream in agony, and drew the blood up under the skin
of her rump.
"Ah, you bad girl, I'll whip the frigging fancy out of you.
Wouldn't it be nice to be frigged just now your fanny is
rubbing against Frank's back?"
"Oh! Oh!! Oh!!! I didn't!" screamed Alice, in dreadful pain.
The cuts fell in rapid succession on the devoted bum,
which now began to exhibit beads of blood just starting from
the broken skin. The victim was almost senseless, she still
struggled and writhed under Lena's scathing cuts, but her head
fell forward on Frank's shoulder, her face suffused with
crimson flushes, and eyes closed in a kind of voluptuous
languor.
Charlie had acted on the frigging suggestion, and, by his
light touches on her excited clitoris, had made her almost
faint under the combination of excitements, as she spent so
profusely that her thick, creamy emission trickled over his
busy fingers and down Frank's back.
"Lay her on the bed and f—k her," exclaimed Lena,
flinging down the rod, which was considerably worn by its
work. "Who'll have me on the horse-hair sofa? Will you,
Harry?"
"I'm randy enough for anything, my love!" exclaimed
Harry, flashing his pego. "Charles and Clara are not thinking
of us; see, he is into her on the hearthrug; look, how she
heaves her arse! It's just how Adam and Eve must have
shagged on the grass in Eden."
"Oh, it does prick the flesh so," exclaimed Lena, as she
194
plumped her bottom on the horse-hair, "but it's the finest
thing to stimulate a woman you can think of, the little prickly
ends of the stiff hair are like pins, and make your a—e
bound under every single stroke, it's simply delicious; no
one but those who try it can appreciate the delights of a horse-
hair sofa f— k."
How she bounded and writhed as Harry fairly and furiously
pounded his p —- k into her swimming c — t, which seemed
to be perfectly insatiable; she was spending again and again
every two or three minutes, till at last, with a perfect howl of
delight, she drew down his pent-up emission, which shot up
into her vitals like a stream of liquid fire.
Kissing and billing they lay entranced in each others arms
for a few minutes, till someone remarked that it would be soon
time for breakfast, if they didn't have a little rest.
Thus ended an ever to be remembered night of Charlie
Warner's student life, and after breakfast a few hours later
they left the three ladies with many expressions of gratifica-
tion, and promises to renew the pleasures of the past night
at an early opportunity.
(Continued on page 226)
AN OLD STORY, IN A NEW WAY
Not far from hence, a blunt old 'squire,
(Deem'd par amount by ev'ry bumpkin near him,)
While Hodge one night sat by a neighbour's fire,
Beseech'd his wife (a purblind foul), to hear him —
"Nanny," quoth he, slily, "since Hodge now is not here,
"Shall we divert ourselves betwixt the sheets, my dear?"
Nan soon submitted to the suppliant 'squire,
And up the stairs they vigorously ascended;
But ere she'd gratify'd his warm desire,
Or brought the key of nature to th' pitch intended,
Hodge loudly knock'd! —when, from their blissful station,
The am'rous couple rumbl'd —Ah! ponder now their luckiest
situation.
195
Nan now began to quake, and fight, and groan,
And begg'd of Hodge he would not be in haste,
For as she'd been so ill since he'd been gone,
Her petticoat must first be 'bout her waist;
Meanwhile the 'squire (luck'ly as he thought),
Caught up his clothes, and in the chimney got.
The door she op'd, and Hodge admitted in,
Who now her piteous case began to moan,
Supposing it a stoppage of the wind,
And as he smooth'd her down again she groan'd,
And faintly said, "Were you to fetch some gin now from
the Bear,
"You can't conceive the good 'twould do, my dear!"
Hodge with submission to his lovely spouse,
Grop'd for a bottle —found one, and did run.
But ere he'd gone five perches from his house.
He felt his purse for cash, and found he'd none,
Returning back to ask his wife a groat,
He soon, alas! found out the subtle plot.
The 'squire now was scamp'ring o'er the stairs,
Caressing Nanny for her skill and cunning,
When Hodge (poor mortal!) came in unawares,
And thus addressed them both (not unbecoming),
"You d-—d old letcher! and you infernal w — re!
"I'll" —"Hush!" quoth the 'squire, "here's twenty pounds,"
and Hodge gave o'er.
CHOICE LETTER FROM
THE GREEK OF ARISTENETUS
To see now what cunning gypsies these women are! The
other day a certain woman of my acquaintance, walking in
the market-place with her husband by her side, and a train
of servants at her heels, saw a gallant of hers at some distance
off, with whom she used to be familiar. She had a mighty
196
longing to whisper something in his ear, and if possible to
steal a kiss from him before her husband's face; so to bring
the matter about, she pretends to fall upon her knee, and
her gallant, who, as it seemed, understood her design, char-
itably lent her his hand to help her up; then down she tumbles
again, and our gentleman was forced the second time to give
her his assistance. "Oh! my poor wife," cried the cuckold,
in a strange consternation, "I hope thou hast not hurt thyself."
"Troubled with such cruel fits!" cried she, and then made the
third stumble. The gallant on one side, and the husband on the
other, did what in them lay to set her on her legs again, but as
her fits still increased, the husband, with the help of the kind
gentleman, was obliged to carry her to the next tavern; the
gallant chafed her hand, and rubbed her face; and all the while
the fellow thanked him for the great pains he took with his
wife; but finding her indisposition still increased, he ran
down-
stairs like lightning to fetch a physician of his acquaintance
to her, not daring to trust his servants with so important a
message. In the meantime, lovers were not wanting to ad-
minister mutual consolation to each other; so by the time
the husband came back with his doctor, his wife was exceed-
ingly refreshed. The gallant was complimented a thousand
times, for his civilities on this occasion: "Sir," says the man,
"I heartily beg your pardon for the trouble my wife has given
you." —"Lord, sir!" answered he, "if it was to do ten times
again, it would be no trouble." "But indeed it was too much,
Sir." "Ffaith," cries the other, "I don't think I can ever do
too
much for her." "I swear but you have," says the busband, "I
find she hath put you into a sweat, with helping her." In short,
they drank a loving glass together; the wife pretended she
was twenty per cent better than when she set out in the morn-
ing, the gallant was highly satisfied with what he had done,
and the husband the merriest man alive, to see his wife so
miraculously recovered.
197
ADVENTURES AND AMOURS
OF A BARMAID
A SERIES OF FACTS
(Continued from page 166)
As Mr. Capias finished the account of the seduction of the
milliner's girls, they were already entering London, and were
soon set down at the noted La Belle Sauvage Inn, Ludgate
Hill, a hackney coach was called and Capias easily per-
suaded Polly to go with him to his chambers in the Temple.
It was yet early in the day, so after a good breakfast provided
by the housekeeper they lay down to rest on his bed till the
evening, when he expected a friend to supper.
"Now darling," exclaimed the young barrister, throwing
aside his clothes, "undress yourself, and let us enjoy without
restraint those delicious pleasures which the accident to the
coach interrupted, and of which we afterwards in the gypsy
tent had only a rough taste. Ha, what exciting charms; let
me caress those swelling orbs of snowy flesh, which I see
peeping from your loosened dress. What a difference there
is in titties, some girls have next to nothing, others are so
full they hang down like the udder of a cow, and then again
some of the finest have no nipples to set them off. Yours, my
love, are perfection, let me kiss them, suck them, mould
them in my hands!"
This attack upon her bosom almost drove Polly wild with
desire, her blood tingled to the tips of the toes, as she heaved
with emotion, and sighed — "Oh! Oh! Oh!"
He had gradually pushed her towards the bed, and presently
when her back rested on its edge one of his hands found
its way under her clothes to the very seat of bliss.
"What a lovely notch. I had scarcely time to feel what a
beautiful fanny you had when I was so hot for the bliss in
the gypsy tent. Now, darling, we can enjoy everything in
perfection, and increase the delights of f—g, by such pre-
liminary caresses as these, which will warm the blood, till
maddened you beg me to let you have it at once, and my
198
excited p-—k revels in your spending gap. And to think
that I'm the first, that I took your maidenhead last night."
She was spending profusely, and begged with sighs of
delight for him to satisfy her irresistible longings.
"Not with your things on, dear, off with them quick — see
what a glorious stand I have got— there, caress it, press it in
your hand."
He had taken off every thing, and helped her to do the same;
then tossed her on the bed, and was between her open legs,
as they stretched wide to receive him, but he toyed with her
yet for a minute or two, letting the head of his engine just
touch between the warm juicy lips so anxious to take him in.
"Ah, you tease! Do let me have it!" she almost screamed,
heaving up her bottom, to try and get him further in. "Oh,
do; don't tease me so," with a deep sigh, "I'm coming again!
Oh! Oh!"
He awfully enjoyed this dalliance, but at length took pity
on her languishing looks, and slowly drove in up to the hilt,
till his balls flapped against the soft velvet cheeks of her
rump.
"I like to begin slowly," he whispered, "and draw out the
pleasure till we both get positively wild with lustful frenzy,
that is the only way to get the very acme of real enjoyment.
A young fellow who rams in like a stallion or a rabbit, and
spends in a moment, scarcely makes the girl feel any pleasure
before he finishes and is off.
"Many married women have stupid husbands of that
sort, who never f—k them properly, is it to be wondered
at that women get awfully spooney on a man who introduces
them to the real delights of love?"
"Yes — yes — you darling —but push it in faster now. Ah, I
feel its head poking the entrance to my womb at every thrust;
that's so delicious. Are you coming, I'm simply swimming in
spend. Oh, there it is, it's like warm lightning shooting into
me. Oh, oh; don't stop —go on a few more strokes. I'm coming
again. Ah, you darling. Ah —rre! Oh!"
After this they had a sound sleep till seven o'clock, when
the housekeeper knocked to say Mr. Verney had come. Thus
awakened Polly was delighted to find the young barrister's
199
p — k still tightly encased in her tightly contracted sheath
as
they had dozed off in each other's embrace.
She wanted another stirring up, but Capias declined the
retainer, and promised to make up for it at night.
"You're in luck my boy!" said Verney, as his friend Capias
introduced him to Miss Polly D-—; no other fellow ever has
such luck as you have in the field of Venus.
"Her action is better than her looks," replied Capias,
making Polly blush up to her eyes. "Nothing to be ashamed
of, my darling, I always tell Verney all my love affairs; but
don't you believe him, he's a devil for the girls himself, and
one to please them too. Now for supper, she's taken all the
strength out of me, and I want refreshing."
"Nothing like a refresher, after one good fee, is there,
Capias. Ah! I wish I was you, the very sight of Miss Polly
will make me uncomfortable all night, unless my landlady's
daughter takes pity on me, and slips into my bed when I
get home!"
At supper, and during the evening Verney scarcely took
his eyes off our heroine, who could easily see how she had
influenced him. Capias seemed anything but jealous, and paid
far more attention to the bottle than to his new love, which
rather chagrined her. Verney was a brilliant pianist, playing
and singing with great feeling, and casting his eye on Polly
when there was any suggestive point in the song. It was a
a dreadful night out of doors, so the housekeeper was asked
to make up a bed for Verney on a good wide sofa. He gave
Polly a significant glance as this arrangement was made, and
also looked at the spirit stand, to give her a hint of his
plans.
Capias when in convivial company was too much given to
whiskey and water, which he took like a fish, giving no heed
to the duties Polly would expect from him when they retired
to bed. At length she said she felt tired, and bidding Verney
good night asked Capias not to sit up too long, went into the
bedroom. Verney mixed his friend an awfully stiff glass for
the last, and as he swallowed it wished him pleasant dreams
and plenty of f—g, adding, "I shall have the horn all night
myself thinking of you."
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The sot scrambled into bed to be received in Polly's longing
embrace.
"Now, sir, you're almost drunk and sleepy, keep awake
till I'm satisfied, or my name's not Polly if I don't leave you,
and ask your friend to do your duty for you. You haven't taken
a bit of notice of me all evening. Ah! you don't even stand,"
as she groped with her hand, and found only a limp affair
for her trouble.
He was not so stupid, but he knew his deficiency, so taking
one of her nipples in his mouth tried to raise the requisite
desire, her fingers did their best to second the feeble effort,
whilst his fingers on her clitoris aroused her amorous flame
in all its intensity. At last he dropped into a sound drunkard's
sleep, just as she was spending and almost frantic with baffled
desire.
"You brute, you sot," she angrily exclaimed, pushing him
away from her, "you're sodden with Irish whiskey. See if I
don't keep my threat. Verney looks a fine fellow, who only
wants a chance."
Springing from the bed, with nothing but her chemise on,
she rushed into the other room, and threw herself into an easy
chair, sobbing as if her heart would break, as she covered
her face with her hands.
"By Jove, damn it, what's the matter," exclaimed Verney,
as he awoke from a real sleep, and could just make her out
by the light of the fire, so throwing off the bed-clothes, he
got off the sofa, and knelt at her feet on the hearthrug.
"What's he done, to turn you out of the room, my dear, do
tell me; I'd kick him into the street for your sake, Polly!"
"It's what he hasn't done!" she replied, sobbing, as he con-
tinued to ask the cause, and had put his arm round her waist,
till her head rested on his manly shoulder.
"Oh, oh; I couldn't bear it to lie all night in bed with a
drunken man. I'll get my clothes and leave this place!"
His hand was now up between her thighs, and his lips
imprinted hot warm kisses on her burning cheeks. Higher and
higher crept that insinuating hand, till he got fair possession
of her chink, all moistened as it was with warm creamy
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emissions. She still sobbed on his shoulder, as her legs
slightly
parted, whilst a perceptible shudder of suppressed emotion
told him too surely that his success would soon be complete.
Withdrawing his hand for a moment from that burning spot,
he lifted her naked foot till it rested on his rampant tool,
as stiff and hard as iron, as it throbbed under that caressing
foot which his hand directed, so that it gently frigged him.
From her face his lips found their way to her bosom, and
her sighs and oh's too plainly spoke her feelings, so taking
her boldly in his arms he carried Polly to the sofa, and
stretched himself by her side, with his tremendous truncheon
stiff against her belly; he placed her hand upon it, and open-
ing her legs she directed it herself to her c — t, and they
commenced a delightful side f — k, their lips glued together,
tipping each other the tips of their tongues; this made him
spend in a moment, but rolling her over on her back he
kept up the stroke, till she also spent in an agony of delight.
Resting for a few moments he went on again, her legs en-
twined over his loins as she heaved and writhed in all the
voluptuous ecstasy of her lascivious nature, spending every
few minutes a perfect flood of warm spunk, to the intense
delight of his p — k, which fairly revelled in the delicious
moisture, which excited him more and more every moment.
Their bounding strokes made the sofa fairly creak, and
anyone not in such a drunken sleep as Capias must have
been awakened.
"Ah!" sighed Polly, scarcely able to catch her breath.
"You beat him fairly, and I thought no man could possibly
have given me more pleasure than he did. Drive on, push it in,
balls and all —oh, f—k, f—k me. Oh! I'm coming again,
what a spend yours is, how you shoot it into me, you dear
fellow."
After this he promised to take care of her, and gave her an
address where she could get two nice rooms, but persuaded
her to lie down by the side of Capias again, saying, "And
when he wakes in the morning, dearest, don't let him touch
you —say *no! You couldn't f—k me last night, and now you
shan't again!' That will be a good excuse to leave him."
She acted up to this advice, and got clear of the Temple in
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a few hours, without the barrister suspecting his friend
Verney
had had a finger in the pie.
Polly drove to the address, where Mrs. Swipes, the landlady,
said she was always glad to welcome any friend of Mr. Ver-
ney's, who was such a very kind gentleman.
Her new lover called in the evening to renew his f—g,
much to the ever-randy Polly's delight, and left her several
bawdy books to read, including Fanny Hill, The Ups and
Downs of Life, The New Ladies' Tickler, &c; also three
large and especially interesting volumes, full of large coloured
plates, and every variety of erotic reading, tales, and songs,
&c, called The Pearl Magazine/' which he assured her cost
him £30. On taking leave after breakfast next morning, he
particularly advised her to be guided by Mrs. Swipe's advice
in everything.
"And you can easily be the best of friends with the old
woman by indulging her love of gin every day, half a pint
doesn't cost much, and I'll pay all your expenses. Be agree-
able to the other girls in the house, and you'll be as happy as
a queen; I'm not a jealous sort, and you'll get plenty of the
staff of life!"
By this Polly guessed she was in a gay house, but felt pretty
confident of taking care of herself, as she picked up a purse of
gold he left for her on the table.
"My dear," said Mrs. Swipes, as she lapped her Old Tom,
"gin gives one such an appetite, I can always eat well, but it's
too depressing for men, takes all the starch our of their p — ks
you know, so never offer anything so vulgar to gentlemen
friends, let them send out for champagne or brandy; whiskey,
even, is not bad. You know the saying, 'Whiskey makes the
love hot, and brandy makes it long.' For my part, dear, give
me a man who can keep his place well, and go on with his
f—-g, getting stiffer and bigger inside my c — t, till he stirs
my blood, raises all my passions to such a pitch, that when at
length both come together it is really the melting of two souls
into one, and leaves you to fall into that after blissful
ecstasy
which only true and experienced f-—s really understand."
Wetting her mouth with the gin she again went on, "Fel-
lows who are so hot that they no sooner get into a girl
203
than it is all over don't give a bit of pleasure — even some
old
men are so warm that they only require the sight of a pretty
leg and foot to make them come in their breeches. La, my
dear5 you couldn't think what a nasty lot of fellows there are
in London, both old and young men, who go about in crowds,
or ride in coaches, where they can feel girls' bottoms, or tread
on their toes, which is all they need to bring on a spend,
instead of having a straightforward honest f— k, and paying
for it, all the pleasure is had on the cheap. Never notice such
fellows, always slap their faces. Now, my dear, if you would
like to meet a real nice gentleman— such a handsome fellow
too, a real Lord— lots of money, plenty of fizz, and everything
jolly —why, my love, he likes to f—k me, old as I am, some-
times, as he says, plenty of good soup can be made in an old
pot. Bessie Jones is awfully spooney on him, and he is coming
to supper with us to-night if you like to make one of the
party —what do you say, dear?"
"But how will Bessie like you to introduce me?" asked
Polly.
"Do you think I'd have a jealous fool in my house? Why
his lordship always expects me to introduce him to every
new lady who comes into my house. Bessie and you will be
the best of friends."
Here there was a tap at the door of Polly's apartment.
"Come in," exclaimed Mrs. Swipes. "Oh, it's you, Bessie,
is it; let me introduce you to our new lady, Miss Polly— ahem,
what's your name, my dear?"
"Never mind that; what will Miss Bessie take to wet the
introduction?" said Polly.
"I know what I should like to give her, and that's a good
birch rod on her fat bum, for disturbing our quiet little con-
fab," said Mrs. Swipes.
"Would you, indeed, you dear old girl, you do like to see
a rosy bottom, getting redder under your strokes till the blood
fairly trickles down at last. Stand a bottle of fizz, and I
don't
mind lending you my a — e for a few minutes, it leads up to
such pleasant sensations, and may be a novelty for our new
friend Miss Polly; and I must apologize for my intrusion,
204
the fact is I heard your voice in the room, as I was going
down
stairs to ask if Lord Rodney is coming to supper this evening."
"Fudge!" exclaimed Mrs. Swipes, "why don't you honestly
say you guessed we'd got a drop of drink. I'll soon fetch the
fizz and take the price out of your arse, my impudent^ cheeky
beauty, although I know you enjoy the touch of the twigs as
much as I do the using them, the sight will give Miss Polly
here a new sensation, or I'm no judge of character, she looks
warm enough for anything!"
"Thank you for the compliment," replied our heroine. "I
own I'm not a lump of ice, but make haste, I'm curious to see
the birching!"
The landlady went to the cellar in person, and soon re-
appeared with a bottle of true Madame Cliquot, in which the
three ladies pledged each other "long life and plenty of
f—g."
Mrs. Swipes had also brought with her, from the lower
regions of the house, a long thin brown paper parcel, from
which she unrolled a beautiful little tickle-tail, composed
of a few long fine sprigs of birch, handsomely tied up with
blue velvet and red silk ribbons at the handle end, whilst
the tips of the twigs were so arranged as to spread out
and cover a considerable area of any devoted bum they might
be applied to.
"Lay me over the end of the sofa, and Miss Polly must hold
my hands," said Bessie, slipping off her dressing gown, which
at once revealed that she had only her corset, chemise, and
drawers to hide her person, which was set off to the best ad-
vantage by pink silk stockings, pretty gold buckled blue
garters, and elegant high-heeled French slippers.
"As hard as you like, Swipes, dear, but you know I expect
the gamahuche for a wind up at the finish."
"I'm all there when the tingling cuts make you spend, my
darling, I wouldn't miss sucking up every drop for the world,"
replied Mrs. S., taking up the switch, as Bessie kneeled up on
the sofa, and gave Polly her hands to hold tight, as she
reclined
over the round head of that piece of furniture.
The landlady now quickly unbuttoned the band of Bessie's
205
drawers, pulling them down to her knees, and tucking the
tail of the thin cambric chemise out of the way under her
corset, both before and behind, so as to give a full view of a
truly magnificent white rump, and all the stock-in-trade of a
handsome and pretty young whore as one could wish to see.
"I'll begin as I mean to go on!" said Mrs. Swipes, giving a
very spiteful swish to commence with.
"How do they feel Bessie, dear?" followed up with a suc-
cession of sharp cuts, which fairly reddened the flesh of her
posteriors, and made her writhe under the stinging sensation.
Polly could see as she held her hands how her face flushed
at the first smart of the rod, then how Bessie squirmed at each
cut, getting ever more and more flushed, as she bit her lips
to prevent crying out.
Polly could also very well see the reddening surface and
rising weals as they appeared under the ruthless and stinging
switches of the landlady, whose face flushed with delight
as the flagellation proceeded.
This made the blood tingle in the veins of our heroine,
who quite shivered with emotion, and an indescribable feeling
of voluptuous desire.
In about five minutes Miss Jones gave most evident signs
of the approaching crisis, she closed her eyes, and hung her
head over the end of the sofa, her bottom and thighs fairly
quivering with the excess of her emotions, till Mrs. Swipes,
throwing aside the now useless birch rod, rushed on her victim
with all the energy of an excited tribade, turning the girl over
on her back, and burying her face between Miss Bessie's thighs,
as she licked and sucked up every drop of spendings from her
victim's quivering q -—* m, to the great delight and excitement
of Miss Polly, who sat down and frigged herself in sympathy
at the voluptuous sight.
(Continued on page 237)
206
CURIOUS MILITARY LOVE-EPISTLE
Written by a Subaltern Officer to a young Lady
Dear Miss,
I have been informed by the secretary of the news, that the
fire of love was kindled among the faggots of your soul, and
that, as your father is a bricklayer, you had taken the trowel
of your senses, to build up the wall of our affections with the
mortar of constancy. It is on this account that I also would
light up the fire of my indifference, in order to cook the flesh
of my affection in the pot of your beauties. But if, when I
make my approaches, you should retire to the citadel of
indifference, I shall then arm myself with the panoply of
patience, till I can batter your covered way with double-headed
shot, backed with bombs and mortars — at least I shall not
desist
from my attack upon you, unless, after throwing my bombs,
I should be so fortunate as to spring the mine of multiplica-
tion, and blow you up with the powder of pregnancy and propa-
gation.
I am, dear Miss, yours, &c.
Ensign Flame.
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