Below is the raw OCR of the Hubert Canfield & Alan N Steyne Collection of
typescripts and manuscripts.
If you wish to verify the text below, please download the
PDF of the scanned pages.
Wanted: Barroom Balads
To the Editor of The Nation:
Sir: The cohorts of prohibition have many sins to carry
upon their shoulders. Not only have they ruined the quality of
our available liquor, but from a literary point of view they have
closed up an institution that was one of the few fertile sources
of our indigeneous American folk songs. Outside of certain
cowboy ballads and the mythical exploits of the lumbermen's
hero, John Bunyan--both products of frontier conditions--the
only place where the white American male gave vent to his
pent-up emotions was in the old-time barroom.
The old sagas born of good liquor and the need to express
everything that was suppressed at all other times and places
are rapidly being forgotten. This applies not only to the
legends of the barrom, but is also particularly true of the
songs and verse by the expeditionary forces in France.
Occasionally such an adage as "the need produces the man"
becomes true. In this instance two perspicacious young gen-
tlemen from the provinces have leaped into the breach. They
are gathering together for limited and carful distribution
among the "illuminati" all the old-time barrom and army
favorites without any Comstockian omissions.
We have to date glened the following gems, with many
more in the offing: "Franky and Johnny," "Lydia Pinkham,"
"Rollicking John Came Home One Night," "Lill," "Ring Dang
Doo," "Lulu," "Larry Turn the Crank" series, "The Old Sport,"
"In Movile," "Down the Lehigh Valley," "Christmas in the
Harem," "Speech of the Hon. Cassisus M. Johnson before the
Arkansas House of Representatives," Eugene Field's "Diabetic
Dog," Mark Twain's "Fireside Conversation of Queen Eliza-
beth," and many other twoo numerous to mention.
We, however, are writing to The Nation to notify your
readers that our versions of many of the songs are incomplete
or incorrect. We are requesting that they send us any material
that they possess. Typewriting costs will be gladly paid on all
such offerings.
we are articularly anxious to obtain all the verses of
"Hinky Dinky Parley Vous," especially the non-parlor ver-
sions, and also the numerous unpublished American Flying
Corps songs. With the hope that your readers will send offer-
ings to Alan N. Steyne, 164 St. Paul Street, Rochester, N.Y.,
we are sincerely,
Alan N. Steyne
Hubert Canfield
Rochester, N.Y., January 28
Published in The Nation, March 24, 1926.
From GMorgan675@aol.com Tue Jul 25 12:12:56 1995Return-
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<950725151219_40476437@aol.com>To: cray@mizar.usc.edu Subject:
Re: Your Grandfather's Collection Status: ROX-Status: AEd-Let
me first say that I am indebted to you for your response, as I
have greatly enjoyed MThe Erotic Muse." I believe it to be one
the finer books that I have read on the subject. My grandfather,
Hubert Canfield, collected most of this material in the
midl920,s by soliciting contributions in nationwide
publications. While the material itself is of interest, of
almost greater interest is the correspondance that is extant.
(There are several letters from Gordon.)I have taken the
precaution of xeroxing the material, as the acid paper on which
much of it is written is degenerating. I have it out of harm's
way. I would be happy to send you the complete xerox
collection on the condition that it be returned at some future
time so that the originals do not have to undergo further
stress.Jeff MorganBox 79Point Pleasant, PA 18950215 297-
0769From mollyh@voicenet.com Thu Jan 11 06:51:04 1996Return-
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<9601111450.AA25380@voicenet.com>X-Sender:
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text/plain; charset="us-ascii"To: Ed Cray
<cray@bcf.use.edu>From: mollyh@voicenet.com (Jeff
Morgan)Subject: Canfield papersX-Mailer: <PC Eudora Version
1.4>Status: ROX-Status: AEd, I was curious if you've had a
chance to look over these yet. As you can see, my email
address has changed. Hubert Canfield7s daughter is Mary Grace
Canfield, my aunt, and she would be willing to share whatever
thoughts and recollections she has on Hubert and the papers
with you. Her address is RR 1, Box 1400, Sedgewick ME 04676
Phone # 207 359-8565.She told me in some conversations that we
had, that the papers were often brought outafterdinner when
there was company, at which time Hubert used to say "Time to
send the brats off to bed."Jeff Morgan
July 29, 1995
Dear Ed,
Here they are, and I hope they are up to your expectations.I
had to print dark on some of them because the originals in some
cases had faded, and in some spots red ink was used.
When I received these in 1993, they were in no apparent order,
actually they were very much in disorder, my suspicion being that
the entire volume was produced at parties for entertainment
purposes and this resulted in pieces being misplaced ,and probably
some were lost as well.
I believe Hubert Canfield was quite serious about the
publication of this material, but I don't know what stopped him.
Perhaps it was financial, as one of the pages has some mathematical
figures on it. Much of the material is extant elsewhere, though
possibly not in these variations. Some of it is obscure.
The copies that you will find stapled together, I am almost
100% sure were meant to be together either as submissions, or as
rough drafts. I based these groupings on types of paper submitted,
handwritting, or subject matter, but I am by no means an authority,
and I have left as single sheets anything I wasn't sure of.
Some of the pages had notes on the back of them, and these I
have copied onto the backs of the copies in case there is any
relevance there.
In any case, if you have any questions about the originals, I
will be more than happy to double check for you.
The final disposition of the papers is a decision that I'm
going to have to get some family input on, but most likely they
will end up in the appropiate archive. I will also contact my aunt,
Mary Grace Canfield Bischof, and will arrange for you to speak with
her as her input on all of this will be invaluable. My father may
also be able to shed further light, and I will ask him as well.
Hope this letter finds you well,
I remain,
PHONE 1938 ,
HARLOW PEASE
ATTORNEY AND COUNSELLOR AT LAW
BUTTE, MONTANA
February 4, 19£6*
Dear Mr. Canfield:
I have put in another shift looking ib r
whatever archives of mine contain the Arkansas protest of
Cassius Johnson, and still no luck; but I have not abandoned
the quest; meanwhile I owe a reply to your letter of the 31st.
Regarding my suggestion concerning an additional
§eld of 'imericana1, I cannot now recall whether I limited
is to legal curios or something further* I will he most
glad to have you refresh my mind on this, and to furnish
what I can for the symposium.—It was the Montana supreme
court which rendered that judgment of Solomon I mentioned in
my last. The pure and mealy-mouthed opinion of the court is
found in State v. Griffith, 184 Pacific E19. The next time
you are in a Iwr library, read both that and State v. McGlynn,
one of my cases, 199 Pac. 708.
Your mentioned interest in the Red farmers of
Sheridan county is provocative. To whet your interest, §. will
not go further than to state that, save fter a holdover county
commissioner, every elective official including a district
judge went in on the Farmer-Labor ticket* The sheriff, one
member of the legislature and one county commissioner were
active members formerly of the I.W.W.---The 'Hation1 is a
bit weak on its western news service, I think---depends mostly
on volunteer stuff; about all Mr. Villard knows about Montana
is some warmed-over misinformation about two fakirs named
Walsh and Wheeler, who now constitute the left wing of the
Anaconda company.
I see you have me pegged as a lonesome accident
in an industrial despotism. You have the environment right,
but not so much the lonesomeness. Belligerent resistance is
always smoldering here, and the company never knows when
another bunch of trouble may break out either in Butte or
among the farmers. The local atmosphere (except in times of
extraordinary remedies, like the 1920 Massacre of Anaconda
Road) is one of cynicism on both sides, with mutual civility
and considerable respect. E.g., although I have represented
the I.W.W. both here and in Idaho since five or six years past,
and still do, I am on ordinary terms with the A.C.M. legal
staff. We are free, at least, from the domination of the
Babbit try, for whom there is a healthy scorn in most circles.
There are some odd contradictions: Many bootleggers are
radicals. The A.C.M. controls both Knights of Columbus and
Masons, but never contributes to the Y.M.C.A. The largest
denominational group in the "Y" is Catholic. And so on.--Of
course, this is Butte. Rural Montana, in particular the hick
towns, tends to Ku Klux, but almost anywhere you may meet a
retired rebel or modern philosopher. We get by, and enjoy
the show.
Sincerel:
A
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GREAT NORTHERN KAILWAY
PAHLOR CAR 8EHVICE
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JWROTJTB
^ —ifa fi<^**w^ /\ mi ?,
v COMING HOME FROM THE WAKE
If you £0 the wa&e, I111 tell you to beware.
If you g% to the wake, young Roger will be there,
And he'll take you\in his arms to shield fou from all harms,
In the mpwiing you'll be sorry coming dteom the wake,
The wake being ofrer, Vnd morning coming on,
Roger took Nellie through the field/ of oornf
Said Roger Mo Nellie, let's sit down and have a ohatf
And I'll show you the game that traey call,.Shoot the Oat*
They sat down on a rock as you/may suppose,
And pretty soon Roger beglan tor pull up Nellie's clothes;
Said Hellie to Roger, Nowwh^t are you at?
Said Roger to Nellief Why xmB Ifm going to shoot your cat.
Six months passed by, and/tlaree more a-coming on,
Nellie brought forth a cmarmsng sonf
We will name itt we will nameXit, we will name it fro his sakef
We will name it Shoot/the»Kitpen-Coming--Home-from-the-Wake.
And when this young bastard had\grown to be a man,
He went down town/with his cook in his hand,
And every lady ke met he'd give it a little shake,
And then he'dyehoot thieir kitten doming home from the wake.
CHBBUS OT THE SAILOR LAD
0hf it won't be in thfe kitchen,
It won't be in the halu, /
But it will be in the lack yard up against the wall,
It won't be by "the tinray, it won't be by the clown,
But it will by the sailer lad who sails the world around.
And now my pretty maiden,\take a little advice<from me,
And never trust a sailar md one inch above your knee,
For he will ran your dresses up and ran your colors down,
And then you'll have something underneath your apron.
FRAGMENT OP A.E.F. SONG
Capltan pafk cAnquan^ francs, e&nquante francs, cinquante francs,
Capitan payNcinquairfce francs,
m
Couches av^cNmoiflr;
Corporal pay cmiq francs, cinq francs, cinq francs,
Corporal paj/£:nra francs,
Couchez avetf moi\
With intermediate ranks and currencies.
IRISH FAVORITE DIT3JY
For Ireland was Ireland when England was a pup,
And Ireland will be Ireland when England's gobbled up, *
So get down upon your bloody knees upon the bloomin'm grass,
And stick your dirty English face right up my Irish ass.
IL , On
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Cravtf ordsvill*,Ind.
March 4th,1926.
Dear Mr.Canfield--
Perhaps I raised your hopes too high as to my
knowledge of the origin of The Bastard King--1 didn't know
tht author personally,or have any documentary evidence that
he was the author,but his story sounds a'good deal more logical
than the one to the effect that Kipling wrote it and was black-
balled for the job of poet laureat&for that reason--or for
that matter,than any one of the- other theories as to it's
parentage.
A college friend of mine who used to life-guard on
one of the New Jersey beaches by way of summer vacations be-
came acquainted with a semi~literary gentleman in the course
of his duties three years ago.The literary gentleman was at the
time continuing the good work of who ever started the Frank
Merriwell or Tom Swift or possibly Elsie DInsmore series--it
wasn't The Rover Boys,at least.He had been in & Middle T/estern
Officer's Training Camo during the early part of the war and
had been called upon to give some sort of entertainment at a
farewell for a departing batch of Second &isoa&&3&X]&±xx
Lieutenants.
According to his story he fille • up on-good training-camp mule
and produced The Bastard King &fter a couple of hours of agony.
The Shavetails departed to other camps and carried copies with
them.
Anyway it's a good story.The thing must hrve been
originated recently and circulated by comparatively intelligent
people as all the versions I've heard—-from widely separated
origins--have been almost Identical.My friend is alive and re-
motely connected with the City News Bureau in Nww York--I shall
write to him soon and get the name of the party'who made the
claim and he can be cornered and a confession wrung from him,If
he!s really responsible he should be doing something more than
As several "of the things you v/ant are to be found in the
enclosed pamphlet I'm sending it instead of copying them----
there may be something else in it that will interest you more
than those I recommended.
Blind Bone,the pamphlet's publisher,clayed the violin and
his oartner,Worth Youngblood played the guitarjboth of them sang
after a fashion.They used to make county fairs,picnics etc. thru
this nart of the country and olayed most of the ballads oopular
in the district.Bone added to his income by selling these booklets
----he seems to have had little regard for copyrights as several
of the selections are still protected.
Neither of them could write and the obvious errors in meter
and the misused words are probably due to misunderstandings when
they learned the songs and when they dictated them for oublication.
Pearl Bryan and Lazy Man are nrobably products of this dis-
trict.Pearl Bryn was a native of Greenc&stle,Indiana,and there is
at least one other commemorative poem to her.
Roving Gambler,The Widow's Daughter,and Jackie Frazer are of Eng-
lish origin and Lady Gay is reminiscent of the Twelth Century
Scotch ballad. I have marked, the songs which I am sure have been
published and I believe most of the others are authentic•Many of
them are of foreign origin but localized by the singers.
I suppose you have most of the old bar-room favorites but if
any of this list appeals to you I can send them----
Lydia Pinkham
TShen I Was A Youngster In Texas
The Bastard. King of England
Christopher Colotobo
Down in the Lehigh Valley
Our Liz
---however I imagine that even the ex-
press company would object if you published any of them.
furthering the at&rocities of literature I mentioned.How
sober he was when he told ray friend the story I can't say
but a man who could produce The Bastard King should be able
to hold his licker indefinitely,
I'm enjoying your communications very much and
certainly -want to get a look at the finished nroduct. If you
decide to use any of the stuff I've sent and want any historical
data on it let me know.
Very truly yours,
Sometime,when you re thru with them,I'd like to see
all the verses of Frankie and Johnny----1 haven't that many
myself.
I think I remember about twenty-five and have eight or ten more
stuck around somewhere.That ballad was my first love----at one
time I intended to publish(privately,of course,and a very small
edition)the whole thing with as much of its history as I could
gather. I d even gone so far as to sketch two or threu oen-a.nd-
ink illustrations for it----1 ran across the sketches the other
day and as orinting mu&$&n%Knx*in% is cheao in these carts I may
ao it yet,altho I don t know what I 11 do with it when I get it
printed.
3y the way, is your book to be illustrated?
The Allen A Company
ALtEN B, BROWN
Bracken^ Sldg., Kansas City, Mo;
MANUFACTURERS OF
Hosiery and (Kulilii) Underwear
Kenosha,WsconsintU.S.A.
~8-
The little black bull came down from the itiountain
Long Time ago J
His prick was long and his balls hung low.
Hooston, ^onny, Hooston.
His prick was lorg and his balls, hung low. ~
Long time ago*
Chorus as before, but in each case y'
substituing the l>ct im% fUriM jyu^6***
of the verse in question, in place.of'
"The little black bull came down froni the mountain"
as given above.
They turned hin loose in a field of heifers
Hooston, yo-ny,Hooston.
They turned him ldWe in a field of heifers
Long Time ago.
Chorus
|ie whet his tool on an ashen sapling.
Hooston Yonny Hooston .
He whet' his tool oh an as lien sapling .__
,.'■
Long Time ago. ^ %~ l
^Chorus.
Nine bull calves were born that season
Hooston,yonny,Hooston ' .
Nine bull alves were born that season ' *
Long Time ago.
Chorus.
The Little black bull went back to the mountain
Hooston,Yonny, Hooston.
The little black bull went back to the mountain
Long time ago.
Chorus.
His prick was bent and his ba<?k was broken
Hooston, Yonny, Hooston.
His prick was bent and his back was broken
Long time ago*
I have never heard the air to. the. above anywhere else, it is
quite good.
*
-7-
There once was & SRna^Jffc^iiWfoiica dll}<ii/caie^;biick)
Who lived in a great big castiliofeiicB: cliefc clifclf click)
He was proud of his* trol-lol-lol-liliQj >'■
And the works of his tweddle'-du:^ Uee t( ClTck?click1)
(Castanets and ClibtouSi)/
One day he went to, the theatrio
And he saw. there a pretty signora
So he showed her his tra-la-la-lilioJ
And the wor.rs of hfs tv/eedle-dum-deei
(Castanffls and chorus)
That nis;ht he took.^her to castilio
And he laid her uppn a Lbig pilly-o
And he thru.st up h|s tra-la-la-lilio
In thw works of he» tweedle-dum dee.
(Castanets and Chorus)
Next week he went %q the doctorio
%7s the Doctor ,fy§u have-the^syphilio11"
%n& he showed him^liis t'ra«*la--la«*lilio
In the works of your tweedle-dum-dee.
(Castanets and Chorus)
Now he sits all alqpe in Castilio .
With a big wad of aotton bactil io
And he swabs off Hji's tra-la-la-lilio
And. the works of his1, tweedle-durn dee*
O-
The air to the above is quite catchy, and panishy. . .good song<
There may be other verses, I don*t know..•;never heard them.
Of course you have that master of Spanish songs..Christopher
Columbo,
I do not know it, but can get it, advise if you do. I only recall
one verse, or fragment, of -verse....
In fourteen hundred and ninety two
Columbus crossed the Atlantic
^nd when he found there was no tail '
It almost drove him frantic.
I heard several more verses here in Kansas City only last week,
however, and can lay my hands on them, if you so advise.
It relates the whole story of what Christopher and his sailors
really did on the cruise".
Up in Wisconsin I heard a good songsome years ago, and'; it ran ,
like this, music on request, as I have said before.
The Little 3lack Bull
The little black bull came down from the mountain^'
Hooston, Yonny, Hoostoni
The little black bull came down f ."om the mountain
Long time ago.
Chorus, as follows,
Long time ago.1 •
Long time ago.1
38 V/ashin^ton Square,
New York, Llarch 30.
v^Nr
ft^
l~r. Alan tftevne,
Roehester,IT.Y.
Dear l.Ir. Steyne;
I ai.i in sympathy with your desire, to compile the-bar-
room ballads before it is too late; end want, of course, to make
sure
of getting a copy of the compilation. Perhaps some of these
fragments^
from memory.will help you a bit:
• UiJIDEi:! 1^121) CHORUS
!Tis a long-haired 'lut for a wol* hound,
fTis a" spotted sow for a boar,
'Tis a red-headed
'Tie a blue-eyed
Amen.
rl for a son of a bitch,
boy for a whore•
^USBHfc*
AHIEISIIC 1ITTY
ror . God made man
Ind man made money
And Go-d maiffe bees
And bees made honey
And God made a rabbit
And sent it thro-gr; the grass
And God made a dog
For to lick the ra^ : it's ass.
wnUAliJ.-v.;UoL uxiAJ^T
Chancres, blue-ball •■, erabs and lice,
I've had !em all an" some of 'em twice,
But the c—»k s—^er who cuts a whore's price,
Is a son of a'bitch, by J.esus ■ "hrist I
' CHORUM Or G0L0LI30 S01IC
He knew the world was round-of
ris balls hung to "he orround-o,
This God damned stinking son.of a bitch
Was Christopher Colombo.
p:uL-i.i£:rr 01 theming ;vhore
For 'twas first to the alehouse
And then to the dancehouse
And then to the whereftfcuse
And then to my srave.
CHORUM
Gh, play the fife ; lowly and beat the drum lowly
And play the whore's march as they carry me on,
And let six jolly rnortsmen carry a bunch of red roses
So they will not s::ell me as they carry mere on.
PARODY CHORUS
h, I stuck my nose up a nannygoat's ass
he stink was enough to blAnd men,
And I left my prior for a walking stick
"ith the .srirl I left behind me.
i
C^ri9^<JLcX
v 1)
WABASH 7828
®p> ^us ^Smik ^Jpp
NEW. OLD AND RARE BOOKS
INTELLIGENT SERVICE
434 So, Wabash Ave.
CHICAGO
February 2f 1926
Mr# Hubert Canfield
Pittsford, New York
Dear Sir:
I have your letter of January 28 in which you
acknowledge our order for 25 copies of THE GUTTER
SOSOS OF AMERICA*
You may be interested to know that Mr. John Mc
Ciuro of New Orleans once began to collect mate-
rial of a similar nature for precisely the same
kind of a volume• The proposed title was to have
been THE SUBMERGED FOLK BALLADS OF AMERICA,
Mr, McClure retained the material that we had, and
with his own/a good deal would probably be obtain-
able from him.
If you have not already a copy of THE BALLAD OF
SPEARMINT GUM, 1 suggest that you write to Mr. Jake
Zeitlin who will furnish you with a copy.
Let me know also whether you have all of the follow-
ing;
THE OLD MAN HE CAME ROLLING
THE CHISHOLM TRAIL
If there is any other metter in which I can help .
you, I shall be happy to do so.
Yours very truly,
BA:MT
MAIL ORDERS PROMPTLY EXECUTED
X
NEW YORK ATHLETIC CLUB
(foCf Mm* aC> yQz^> s+aj
^^oJ Jftr-t/ <£/— " ^ ■ ^ 7~fl <S*
W. I4.JinAiJi.KY
A Free Question and Answer Service Bureau of Infor-
mation on Outdoor Life and Activities Everywhere and
Upon the Various Commodities Required Therein, Con-
ducted for Adventure Magazine by a Staff of Experts
Spang and Macdougal Streets
New York
June 1, 1p26«
My'dear .Mr. Canftold:
.Thank you much for your promise of the collectanea
after you are through with it. It will be of decided interest and
value*
I would like the names of such people as in your opinion might add
to
my own side of the;work. For example, old sailors who might be able
to
give me chanties, etc.,etc. Many.who write you will, I imagine, be
of the underworld,- these too interest me, for many of the songs I'm
moot anxious to get.full information on - Frankie and Johnny - Brady
-
Stakerlee - Railroad Bill - Cocaine Sue' - belong to or ht.ve a
connection
with this class.
.'"■■ Your remarks on "Ohristopho Columbc" surprise me.
I had no idea that, any version of the.famous and notorious song
that
swept the country, about 1898rt906 went back so far. The original
words as I know them (entirely decent till the parody appeared) were
copyright in 18p4. -The chorus went in part:
He sailed the world around 0
He knew land could be found 0
This nagigator, hard and hoary
♦ ♦..♦,........... gyratory
Ohristopho Cojnumbo.1
This furnished the base f#r the parody.
during the-Civil War? .
One word escapes my memory.
What was the form that appeared
• On tvie other hand, "The Maid of Amsterdam" i£ old,
no one knows quite how old* Masef ie'ld in his "A Sailor's Garland"
and
his articles in Temple Bar jsqjills a bad boner, however, when he
says it
turns.up in Heywood's "Rape o^~tuerece,?( It does not, though there
is a
sfenewhat similar song there.•
■:.-■■••-■;,■ : ;v And; "have you many '-versions of the
"Soft-3ha41ed Crab"
also known as ttThe Sea.Crab" - "The Golden Crab" - "The Fisherman"
etc.?
This goes back intothe sixteenth century and is still a favorite.
\ Icould write a book on the subject were there time.
Id /be mighty glad if you1d keep in touch, and grateful for any aid
you
can giveWin my work. Ifve made over five hundred and sixty
phonographic
records so far, many of songs that have escaped all other
collectors.
Also have a mass of^manuscript collectanea. Think I £old you that I
got together in the last two years nearly 2000 versions of the old
deep
sea chanty. I shan't fear competition there for some time.
With all good wishes, and in the hope that I may
soon hear from Jrou again, I ,am,
Sincerely3
Mr. Hubert L. CanfieId
Care of J. P. Smith Printing Co.
Rochester/New York*.
Darien Georgia.
November 11, 1?26.
Sear Oanfields
Thanks for the information about "Sycamore Jail" - for the ver#»
5ions of aiyHspecial pet, 'Frankfe and Johnny" - for the promise of
aid in the
matter of Cocain Sue11 - in fact, for everything.1 And why the deuce
didn't
you tell me you were a perfectly good ~x6nian? { Yes, you guessed it
- Gordon
}f tr6) (,- But they have my address wrong in the new directory-) Jm
Gosh, it s a small world after all. Your reference to ^andbstrg
reminds me of a pleasant evening when he sat perched on a desk in my
office
at Berkeley, California - I was then an Assistant Professor 01
English - and
sang it to me, together with "^an Hall" and other songs of blessed
memory.
Condor if he remembers? I've been out of touch with him since. But I
still
nave tucked safely away in the Harvard Library the original
phonographic
cylinde -s I recorded,- the first tine he had ever hoard his own
voice.1
y Is Carl helping you with tiie book? I heard
indirectly, in fact
through W.C. of Los Angeles, whose word I don't put much faith
in, that >andbarg
was about to brin,; out a book of choice series himself. I .wondered
at the time
if in competition or colaboration with you. And what s his address?
runny
thing for m.s to ask, but I haven't any "Who's Who" that I can get
at here.
The particular,-version o2 F. & J," that he praises is a
composite,
no ne./ stanzas, but more than are to be found in any of the usual
versions.
-iome one has collected and then strung together. It's nearest
competitor in
print was in the "^'hiz-Bang Annual" of some four ye^rz ago. But
that was
edited to avoid the more frank expressions.
I'm all out of paper - hence this apology. I've 6ot a.grouch - .
hence the brevity of my note. CYour letter almost pulled :ao out out
not -uite.)
forgive ij.e this time.
-here did you go after Exeter? Just plain curiosity, that's all.
As ever,
Ur. Hubert Oanfield [f2©Vt, L^<1 /
Pittsford
.^ew j-ork.
(Aft '*)
PHONE 1938
HARLOW PEASE
ATTORNEY AND COUNSELLOR AT LAW
BUTTE, MONTANA
January 11, 1926,
Mr. Hubert I. Canfield,
Pitts ford, B.Y.
Dear Mr. Canfield:
J. . 'V ' »>*'
Your letter of the 7th interests me
so much that I am going to excavate to the best of my
opportunities in these parts. I learn from a friend that
there were 81 stanzas of 'Pr^^ie and Johnnie1 current
at the University of Montana some six years ago, and I
hope they can be salvaged.
I have the speech of Gassius TI,
down about 18 years since; it is
have half-heartedly
written
which I
since; I will try again.
at Wisconsin, then a rich
probably can acquire much
the present editor of the
Johnson myself,
written in sh orthand
tried to decipher once or twice
I got this among the law students
field. It occurs to me that you
material by getting in touch with
"Sphinx" student publication at
son. In particular, you should be able"to obtain the
eminent sea chantey "Christopher Colombo" from that source.
That song, and "There was a Priar in Our Town" both depend
so much on the music that my own scanty recollection will
have to be embroidered with sane notes of the air to make it
xkmm useful. Sydney S. Mudd, a classmate of mine at
Georgetown and since then a congressman from Maryland,
was an artist in the vocal rendition of the "Priar" and
other selections, but I am out of touch with him.
My authority for attributing M.D. 16011 in*part
to Mark Twain is one Bob Rose, who was once Seventh Assistant
Secretary of State under Bryan, or some such title. He was
a shorthand contractor at Helena, Mont., when I got the
"conversations" from him; his elder brother, Dave Rose, was
a celebrated mayor of Milwaukee in times past. I don't know
where he could be located at this time.
If I can work
inclose it herewith; if
How large an edition is
out anything of substance I will
not, you will hear from me further.
contemplated?
Sincerely,
c
{^Cl.
Ch^a^ou^
1
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(La
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ff^AA^
^7
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:.^-
This one is nameless 80 far as i know "bat it has an exquisite
Anglo-Saxon vigor and directness about it, It is, as Charles Lamb
remarked of John Websters land Dirge, "of the earth, earthy,*
ju The mountaineers have ragged ears,^
/// They slap their leather britches,
ifa They knock their cocks against the rocks
lit And laugh like sons of bitches,
a
| J They wipe their ass on broken glass,
h They do not care for trifles.
U They hang their halls upon the mils
1 \ And shoot at them with rifles,
Of course the above poem is Anconplete,' I doubt if it ever was
com-
plete, hut its frivolity saves it. Below is one o^ the- loveliest of
old folk songs,
It was Christmas on the island,
The convicts all were there,
Gathered around the table
To eat their Christmas fare,
Up spoke the dear old warden,
And his voice rang through the halls,
"'Merry Christmas, all ye convicts!1*
And the convicts answered, "Balls!"
Then again up spoke the warden,
And his voice v.^s choked with sobs,-
uPor that you'll get no dinner,
You god dam dirty slobs!"
And then spoke an ancient convict,
His face hard, and hold as bi*ass#
**Tlicn take your ^od dam dinner,
And shove it up your ass!"
The perfect little verse of Eugene Field's, called '7hen"?'illie
V'et whe
Bed, I can get here in Hew York* I am on the trail of a number of
^superb pieces that will make history in the publishing wox*ld, Jrom
New York I will send you a printed copy of Siley's, The Passing of
the
Old Backhouse,., lib greater exhibition of sentiment was ever seen
than
his feeling towards the family latrine. You know it, doubtless*
The beautiful, long poem, called, The V/ind IV Blew, follows*
There are
doubtless other stanzas, The first stanza is complete, In the
others,
the refrain is the same. It is better—indeed it is beautiful-sung to
^the tune of When'Johnny comes marching home again,
The wind blew up the railroad track, ')
It blew, it blew,
The vrinti. blew up the railroad track,
It blew, it blew,
The wind blew up the railroad track,
It blew way up and half way back,
And the wind it blew,
Holy Jesus, how it blew,
I
ESTABLISHED 1870
DRY GOODS & LADIES APPAREL
ALGONA , IOWA
t!archf25fI926#
Alan N. 3teynef
Rochester, IT. Y.. t
Dear Sir;
7/e note your letter in the Liarohf
24th issue of the II/ITIOH and while we cannot supply you with
information you desire, we hope you will advise us
T/hen you get out your book of poems; Back in' the old
college days, "Down the Lehigh Valley "used to he very
popular with the r,boys,f hut I have forgotten the
words and had all but forgotten the title* vou are
doinp* a **reat work in preserving these old folk-son^
for the future r-eneration# .Success to ^ou and do
not fail to let me lenow whenever your little
booklet comes to lif*ht«
rtespeetfullyf
TH30. H. 0H3I30HILU23
Algonaf Iowa#
WABASH 7828
%> £u$xz fWk ^0p
NEW, OLD AND RARE BOOKS
INTELLIGENT SERVICE
434 So. Wabash Ave.
CHICAGO
February 27, 1926
Mr. Hubert LtCanfieId
Pittsford, New York
Dear Sir:
*
Blease forgive my delay in answering your
letter of the 8th, but I have been away
from the city and have Just returned.
The adderss of John McClure is 509 Royal
Street, New Orleans, Louisiana, and the
address of Mr. Jake Zeitlin is 6534
Fountain Avenue, Hollywood, California,
Apparently THE OLD MAN HE CAME ROLLING
HOME is the same poem as ROLLICKING
JOHN.
If I run across any material, I shall be
happy to send it forward to you.
Please do not forget my order for 25
copies of the book when published.
Yours very truly,
THE ARGUS BOOK SHOP
BA:MT
i
MAIL ORDERS PROMPTLY EXECUTED
February 19 f 19$6*
Dear Mr* Caafleldf-
Your letter received and I em forwarding a few more
items, i can appreciate your difficulty In getting your
material, but nothing of any importance can be brought
out without considerable pains. A platitude, perhaps,
but quite truthful«
I an interested in the tan Gordon of Harvard* Pleaee
*dvise him* by all means, to look n» up If he comes this way*
Also invite your friend ifcsseaden to look me up. I shall
hunt up Brawn end have a talk with him*
Several things X had hoped to havo in before this
have not materialized. 3cupper-lip Snatch, Socratio
Love, Hinky SlnJfey Paries Toon qpd thi cowboy stuff* (There
must be a world of material among the boys at the stock-
yards, but I havenf t got hold of the right Individuals
yet, seemingly,
The irkeasaw speech and the King Darius thing haven't
reached me yet, either*
A friend told me he had heard some new stanzas to
Christofo Colombo, but he couldnft remember them and promised
to bring them in later*
Sr* Lyons is giving me loyal support and has dug up
a lot of the stuff I have sent yep*
Sincerely,
- r-JM&i
£.-'
A Free Question and Answer Service Bureau of Infor-
mation on Outdoor Life and Activities Everywhere and
Upon the Various Commodities Required Therein. Con*
ducted for Adventure Magazine by a Staff of Experts
Sim
February 6, 1?26.
Dear Canfield:
I'm late with letters while this trip lasts. It will
take me through every state east of the Mississippi and wfcll not be
over till I strike New Foundland some time next fall. Harvard Uni-
versity has sent me out to try to capture as much as possible of the
genuine American folk-song in all its branches. Adventure magazine,
too, is interested.
As a result all my collectanea is in storage till my
return, and my memory isn't dependable. Ifd like, however, to know
when the--book.: appears and to grab a copy before it's properly
suppressed
and the pricethereupon jumps beyond reason. Carl Sandburg is a
wonder. Had a memorable evening with him on the Pacific coast a
couple
of years ago.
And please save all the versions no matter how slightly
they differ one from another, together with as definite information
as
possible as to age, source, authorship, etc. I realize that you will
print but one version, and that in many oases this one will be made
up from several scraps. What I'm after is the certainty that all the
scraps in untouched form will bo saved if not printed. I'd be very
glad myself to be entrusted with them for permanent preservation at
the Harvard Library where all my own materials will eventually be
placed, I have no right of course to speak for the Library, but I'm
sure that they would be glad to take charge of them, Naturally they
would be placed in the "inferno" as it's called and not exposed to "
public view.
Wonder if you'd be willing to do this? At least I'd
be glad if you'd keep in touch, and I hope that we may be able to
get
together some time to talk things over. You can always reach me°
by letters addressed - Care of Adventure Magazine, Spring &
Macdougal
Streets, New York City.
With all good wishes, I am,
Sincerely,
Mr. Hubert L. Canfield
The DuBoia Press
Rochester
Slew York.
/? I//. ficnM.
WABASH 7828
% <&rgus $ook ^{jnp
NEW. OLD AND RARE BOOKS
INTELLIGENT SERVICE
434 So. Wabash Ave,
CHICAGO
February 2, 1926
Mr. Hubert Canfield
Pittsford, New York
Dear Sir:
I have your letter of January 28 in which you
acknowledge our order for 25 copies of THE GUTTER
SONGS OF AMERICA.
You may be interested to know that Mr. John Mc
Ciuro of New Orleans once began to collect mate-
rial of a similar nature for precisely the same
kind of a volume. The proposed title was to have
been THE SUBMERGED FOLK BALLADS OF AMERICA,
Mr. McClure retained the material that we had, and
with his own, a good deal would probably bp obtain-
able from him.
If you have not already a copy of THE BALLAD OF
SPEARMINT GUM, I suggest that you write to Mr. Jake
Zeitlin who will furnish you with a copy.
Let me know also whether you have all of the follow-
ing;
THE OLD MAN HE CAME ROLLING
THE CHISHOLM TRAIL
If there is any.other metter in which I can help .
^ou, I shall be happy to do so.
Yours very truly,
BA:MT
MAIL ORDERS PROMPTLY EXECUTED
o
>7t^
O^
aC cc-wuul, Jj tr^^ AJLaJl^ £^sict^ &
$jua,i) 'fi^ 3 tyfj' Tilery Liia isvLaU ) Ln^t ^
UJXo't- ~tv Ma t(J oO^L^u^ Ut^iCMM-
' j. u ^ -fijL u;lw-£^ J" v-^- J hJL£L^cJ tJT cM^-f
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» Uswj! *«g UiU, nv Atfft-ifcud- S^W, c<ruag»» 'ji^t;
c<jvu~ fo&btjL xArihvdUo wfkoo Sm^y, viM-d <U
(/-€^-<7 iA-£<&L JU^Ujl*) Itxj ~tfUZ V\TTU". CLsZAjZAjG
JhUeJfi^ ~f^ bJ Partus, Vru>
J/u 1t<z rVu&XoAvi flSu* 0vc at CuCooJam^p TAodi
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l\JL C Cc*<C SsJL*A/yJow^ k^t_ C>|tLc J**T> «^~<J <i^ ^^
H^tUx? /jdiu^O ~IL {j-vuvo. $Jol SmaJ \pj^ o^rk^
I
WABASH 7528
®fy> ^rgus JWk ^>\\$f
NEW, OLD AND RARE BOOKS
INTELLIGENT SERVICE
434 So, Wabash Ave.
CHICAGO
January 13, 1926
Mr. Hubert L# Canfie}.d
Pittsford, New York
Dear Mr• Canfield;
Will you kindly enter our order
for the 25 copies of the PROJECTED
GUTTER SONGS OF AMERICA; when, as
and if issued.
Yours very truly,
THE ARGUS BOOK SHOP
BA:MT
MAIL ORDERS PROMPTLY EXECUTED
/<f<
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AJtJL^V
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t^XLk^c-id. (y*
WALTER H. NEGBAUR, PRESIDENT
CORNELIUS ROACH, 1ST VICE-PRESIDENT
C. M. VINING, TREASURER
TO IMPROVE THE BUSINESS DISTRICT'*
The Business District League
ORA E. STARK,
EXECUTIVE SECRETARY
Z. ROBERT WELLS,
ASSISTANT SECRETARY
OF
Kansas City, Missouri
FOUNDED 1920 INCORPORATED 1929
400 RIDGE BUILDING
TELEPHONE
HARRISON USB
Directors
D. S. ADAMS
J, H. BRACKEN
B. J.BROWN
O. A* BURTON
SAM B. CAMPBELL
ALONZO B. CLARK
M. A. CHRISTOPHER
C, C. DANIEL
JT. NEWT. DANIELS
L. M. EMRICH
FRANK ENNIS
MYRON GREEN
P. H. HOPKINS
ALBERT B. HUTCHINGS
J. LOGAN JONES
F. WARNER KARLING
R. C KEMPER
GEORGE A. La RUE
THOMAS I. LEVITT
MILTON H. LUCE
EDGAR P. MADORIE
ROBERT M. MAXWELL
JAMES McQUBENY
ACE U. MORSE
BEN C. NATLOR
WALTER H. NEGBAUR
EDWARD S. NORTH
G. T. O'MALEY
CORNELIUS ROACH
ESTEL SCOTT
H. D. SEAVEY
L. H, SWISHER
C. M. TINING
C. M. WALBRIDGE
G. B. WOOD
Advisory Board
O. W. ARMOUR
R. KIRK ASKEW
H. A. AUBRBACH
THORNTON COOKE
HENRY FAXON
SIG. HARZFBLD
F. B. HEATH
WALTER M. JACCARD
W. T. KEMPER
JAMES KETNER
IRWIN KIRKWOOD
CHARLES O. La RUE
tt. A, LONG
JULIUS LYONS
W. S. McLUCAS
DR. W. EL MINOR
LOUIS OPPENSTEIN
C. C. PETERS
H. T. POINDEXTER
GEORGE B. RICHARDS
AL. ROTHBNBBRG
LOUIS P. ROTHSCHILD
ROOCO SARLI
W, 0. SCARRITT
C. J. SCHMRLZER
ALBERT SCHOENBERG
SOLOMON STODDARD
B» F. S WINN BY
WILLIAM VOLKBR
JOHN H, WILES
S. J. WHITMORE
FRED WOLFERMAN
ANDREW YOUNG
January 13 f 19 26.
Dear Mr* Oaaafiold*
Thanks for your letter of thd 10 th. I enclose such
memories of Larry as I possess. £his, as I recall ltf ^as
declaimed by various unregenerates and each announcement
followed by the chorus I have put dorm. In my previous
letter to you I referred to it ass the Asiiaal Fair, which is
of course wrong*
I also enclose The Rehearsal, filched from a booklet
printed in Japsn, wjricfe accounts for tfee numerous typographical
errors, and the Old Sport* I have been promised other efforts.
including Down in the Lehigh. Valldy*
Shore are also a few verses of Kinky Dinky parlez 7ous,
^hich others can probably add to.
The coqboy song I mentioned as Yip Ay Yaddy Ay;Ay should
be Ki Yi YIppiy Ippy Ayr* I believe* I shall try to get hold
of some one at the stock yards who knows th^t* It goes
My foot*s in the stirrup, my ass in the saddle
And Ifm always around these damnefi old cattle,
Sinking Ki Yi Yippy, Ippy Ay Ay Ay
Singing Ki Yi Yippy IPP? Ay#
With Ky Great Big Doodlewhacker is also a cowboy chantey which
I shall have to seek for among my stock yard friends*
I havenft seen the oration on changing the name of Ark$nsaw
for many years* Don't know anyone who has it*
May I su:jgest that JPou want for your non-musical section
the Tale of & Picture* It is credited to a former aditor of
Outing some twenty-five or thirty years back, whose name I canft
recall* It goes?
A gentle novice, who ne'or had strayed
Prom the convent walls since a tender maid ^
Of three bright summers they brought her there,
Had grown to womanhood, pure and fair*
She could ply the noedle with dainty skill.
Ajid to while the hours that were long and still
She had learned with simple art to paint,
jftid the picture of some grand old saint
Adorned the canvas fneath her hand*
But greater than these one day ahe palnned
A picture fairer than all beside,
FRANKLIN PRINTING COMPANY
Founded in 1728 by BENJAMIN FRANKLIN
514'520 LUDLOW STREET * PHILADELPHIA
January 5f 1926•
Sesqui'Cculennial
Dear Old Blasphemous Cans
Hfcppy New -Year!
What has become of your house organ?
I ainft seen it.
To that you will probably retort;
"Wherefs your*n?ft
Well here are a few of them.
■jfcmrs tr»Uy
C»JuH*Anderson/g
tl'jiy .-:; 5:9X6
ISO Years
Amcri caul; ukpcndcncc
"Profit is ever twofold: He who gains must profit him who buys"
benjamin franklin
Brexton Apartments
Park Avenue at Chase St
Baltimore January 2 1926
My dear Mr. Canfield.
I have yours of the 31st ult. It was mighty nice
of you to go to the trouble of writing out all the verses of
"Lydia Pinkham" and "The French they are a Funny Sace",and I
certainly appreciate your kindness;it really did not occur to
me what I was getting you in for,
The environment undoubtedly accounts for the dif-
ference between the maudlin mush of the Civil War verse and
the joyous heart throbs of the A. E. F. As you say,much
of the stuff that you have is meaningless without the music
and ,the really important thing is the personality in put-
ting the stuff over.
The only thing, I have in mind to send you is a
verse attributed to Bobby Edwards one time bard of Green-
wich Village; and this is flat unless you know the mournful
musical accompaniment.
" It's a sad world,and a weary world,
When you take to sleeping in the park.
It's a sad world,and a weary world,
When the dogs all follow you and bark,
WuffJWuff!
What's the use of fooling with the sword
of Damocles,
When you haven't the coin to buy a box
of Ramases,
It's a sad world,and a weary world,
Damn,
Damn,
Damn.
I hope you will let me know when your book is
issued. Thanking you most heartily,I remain
''Cordially yours,
PHONE 1938
HARLOW PEASE
ATTORNEY AND COUNSELLOR AT LAW
BUTTE. MONTANA
January 1, 1926,
Mr# ?/illiam Duncan,
Box 407,
Pittsford, xuY.
Dear Mr. Duncan:
Your appeal for aid (Query bo. 106) in
the January fMercuryf in the preservation of our unwritten
literature, moves mp to write a few suggestions, although
I am ill-situated to do any real collecting.
I once possessed and unhappily lost a prose
masterpiece, said to he composed by Mark Twain, Eugene Field
and Julian Hawthorne in collaboration* It was called
"Conversazione in the Time of ye Tudors". I got it from
a member of the Chicago Press Club, where it was current.
Another which I hope may be reclaimed I heard
only once, while riding a smoker from Pittsburgh to Altoona
about 20 years ago* Like 'Lydia Pinkham1, it was endless*
Its refrain concerned "The Little Red Caboose Behind the
Train."
I presume you have already in mind The Senator
from Arkansas and !There Was a Friar in Our Town;f also
Christopher Colombo1---all college classics.
Yours for the renascence,
HP
l+t
^-^^. J A-J4 . *3 iA^^vJT <>TA^( Co-v^A^ CvTfeuJE^
^e-u~ c^^_ Dtv^q 4 ^ l^TU^v/, ow>r c* "ftW & *ic£ /£_
Mrs. Leslie J. Swabacker
815 Ash Street
Winnetka. Illinois
Chicago,'111., Dec 22, 1925.
Mr William Duncan,
Pittsford, N. Y.
Dear Sir-- ' <s ' "^ * v ' ^ > ■■ '
If you can assure me that I will not
be arrested for sending obscene natter thru
the mails and if you ■•will'also assure me of
a copy of the collection "when made I can send
you quite a little" of the material you ask
for in The Mercury.
Yours truly,
FEDERAL ADVERTISING AGENCY • INCORPORATED
SIX EAST THIRTY-NINTH STREET, NEW YORK
TELEPHONE, CALEDONIA 73 00
October 6th, 1925«
Mr* Hubert Canfield,
The Dubois Press,
Rochester, ft. Y*
Dear Oanf ield:
At last i'gathered together the manuscript
for the various verses, and enclose copies
of the Bastard King of England, Lydia,
Frankie & Johnie, and Some K&onlight Night.
Thes e copies should be read carefully and com-
pared with any other versions which you nay be
able to discover*
I enclose also a note from Moyt Catlin, which is
self-explanatory*
Please excuse my negligence, i really have been
very busy, and have had to let a good ltany things
go by the boards* Look me up when you get to town*
Best wishes*
Very trulfr/yoztrs,
'Ou^v
*EDEHAL ADVERTISIH3 ^jENCY, Inc
VHP: GIF
The Bryant E lecfric < ioiupaiiy
BRIDGEPORT, CONNECTICUT
branches:
NBW TORE
OHIOA.OO
IAN PRAJJCI8 O O
BR.n>GBr»oR.x September 21, 1925.
Mr. Van H. Pavey,
Federal Advertising Agency,
6 Bast 39th St.,
New York, N.Y.
Dear Pavey;
I think you told me that you and another chap
were going to compile a well printed book containing the
words and tunes oi the old roudy songs* This is to set
down the following names as subscribers to the book:
A. B. Frost, Bridgeport, Oonn.
(J. S. Troxell, Bridgeport. Oonn.
Hoyt Oatlin, Bridgeport, Oonn.
The job you have set yourself to do is a
worthy one and I wish you all success in getting the
hook together. There are many fellows I know who would
he interested in the volume, and if you want their names
to solicit, I will sen* them along.! in the meantime I
am going to mention it to all the good fellows I know
and try to get subscriptions from them. Your enterprise
deserves..' Please give my kind regards to your sister
and dont/forget to show up at the next halleluiah of the
angels.
*|^
OordiallJ
THE BRYANT BtoTBI^OOtPANY
Hoys Oatlin,
Advertising Manager.
HC:BDM
R.E.Banta,
5H E.Jefferson St.,
Crawfordsville,Ind.
My dear Mr.Ganfield:
I had a letter a few weeks ago from Mr.Alan Styne
but as he didn t mention any titles he wanted particularly and
I didn't know what type of thing you were after I hadn't
sent anything as yet.Your letter clears things up ----it's in-
teresting to hear from one who appears to know whereof he
speaks in the matter of this variety of Americana----I thank you.
Of course I can't vouch for the authenticity of
this stuff—it may have been accumulating for generations----
and thus be the real thing—or it may have been concocted on
the spur of the moment.I hapDen to know that The Bastard King
of England----which is one of the three best American ballads
to my notion—was synthetically prepared for a stag dinner
during the war.Possibly Christopher Colombo and Bowi in the
Lehigh Valley were also ready made-—at I guess I should place
The Prodigal Son and The Sons dfl the Prophet(which two I am
enclosing)in the same class but I have no evidence in their
case.
As I suppose you already have The Bastard King, Our
Liz and Christopher Colombo and the stuff I'm sending is per-
fectly sanitary I'll send it thru the mail.If you haven't the
other three and want them I'll ship them along later.
Altho I don t know whether you have any use for such
information I'm including a little biography and some conject"
ture of my own as to origin with some of the numbers you asked
for.Several of them are obviously garbled fceaai as a result of
the tongue-to~tongue existence they have iftijoyed but I111 leave
them for you to untangle as you please.
I shall be pleased to give you any assistance I can
and I should enjoy, any reports of progress you find time to
make.
Very sincerely ypurs,
HARLOW PEASE
ATTORNEY AND COUNSELLOR AT LAW
BUTTE. MONTANA
Dear Mr, Canfieid;
February 25, 1926,
Your sympathetic interest in the
local scene leads me to presume on your attention by
inclosing an article which I vainly sought to get
printed in the fMercuryV# It is useless to disguise my
hope that you may "be the means of getting it into print
somewhere, but even if not I believe you will get some
diversion out of this abbreviated history of the old
•Bulletin', I edited the paper sub rosa while it was
running as a weekly during the great shut-down of 1921-2,
and therefore lack the impersonal touch, along with other
desirable qualities. I will value very highly your
opinion as to whether such material as this is ever
likely to be acceptable in the atmosphere of enli ght enrnert
which surrounds oui best minds, and whether this tale can
be told in proper form to merit publication. In the
particular case I would like to have a few people read
about a newspaper with so unusual a career; but also,
I feel sure that in the last ten or twelve years of Montana
history there are greater stories and a higher quality
of drama than ever could be made out of the old Clark-Daly
ana Keinze-Amalgamated feuds, which latter gained some
attention in the past,
Since you speak of the etjjte of nonconformist
is the east: Although I enjoy to the full Mencken's
great engine of satire, I often feel that he and his
jroup are oftener fighting windmills than en^a^in^; with
a dangerous antagonist. I would, li^e to compel this
cult to a one-year residence in a place like Butte, and
observe the reaction to the fears, whispers, resentments
and hypocrisies that the economic tyranny breeds. % A wor- N
thier subject would then be discovered than prohibition or
fundamentalism. Radicalism in the east, except for the
Civil Liberties Union, aeems to me concerned too much with
cultural and artistic notions, and not enough with the
struggle for economic liberty. But I don!t suppose that
ICenoken was ever at close quarters with q,n American Legion
mob, as I'have- been. Th& atmosphere in the Dayton courtroom
was a terrible thought to him; I wonder how ,.e would react
to a northern Idaho courtroom at a criminal syndicalism
trial. However, ce &ustibus...
(MH^^
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NEW YORK J&HJJBTXC GUim
z£ ""tua^-^y
iKT-^o ^v-& /e^Oj<^> 2^_
*
Sacramento
California
April 14 1926
Wm# Duncan
Box 407
Pittsford
N Y
Dear Sir-
I am sending copy of a song, "Hard Times in Sycamore Jail•*
This song while not familiar to the present generation
was often sung with much feeling many years ago•
I can tell you nothing of its origin but think it was
written on the cell wall of a southern jail by a man sentenced
to be hung*
If you intend publishing a book of songs and poems
please advise me* I am very desirdusrof getting the words to
n Frankie and Johnnie11 and " John Henry and the Crab ♦w Anything
you might do to help me would be appreciated.
Yours truly,A /
C Wakefield
2633 28th St
Sacramento
California
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ROBERT A. CUSHMAN
EUGENE S. HARRINGTON
AGENCY ORGANIZERS
NEW YORK LIFE INSURANCE COMPANY
DARWIN P. KINGSLEY, PRESIDENT
TELEPHONE MAIN 1082
NEW ENGLAND BRANCH OFFICE '.'. *°£
60 STATE STREET. BOSTON 9. MASS.
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TELEPHONE CENTRAL -4ISI
WILIJLAM H.HOXJ-Y
ATTORNEY AT LAW
77 WEST WASHINGTON STREET
CHICAGO
March 22nd,
19 2 6.
Mr* Alan H. Steyne,
164 St* Paul Street,
Rochester, IT* Y.
Dear Sir:
Please let me know when your book is published*
I am most anxious to secure a copy, and I have a number of friends
uftio will be equally interested.
I shall send you some of the data for which you
ask in a later mail*
WHH:a
Yours sincerely,
IJtfAYEJTE COLLEGE
E.ASTON. PE.NNA.
SUAV/MtL s6s*U. /UAjJJL (ZUMifuM**. s4*VHJL /CAlU*. sfctt
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Washington, D. 0.,
Maroh 1, 1936.
Mr. William Duncan,
Box 4Q7,
Pittsford, H. Y.
Dear Sir:
I noted your query in the January number of The
American Meroury, and regret that I oannot contribute anything
in the nature of the ballads you mentioned-—however, I am
very muoh interested in American literature of this nature,
and would appreciate it very muoh if you will advise me if
you have anything of the kind that I might purchase.
ih St. H. W
Very truly
My address is 2736 13th St. H. W., Washington, D. 0.
v>
111 Broadway
patter oh father ha is on her now, •
Mademoiselle went up *te to the f font**
Up the stairs and Into feed***
X hope Z may have the pleasure of a reply from you* When you
do publish this anthology, I wish that you would include my
name on the list of sufeserlfeers* I know several other young men
who would fee very glad to have copies also* Incidentallyf there
art many scurrilous ballads In cokmon use among college men about
college men of other Institutions which might fit in with
your collection under a special title such as Bright College
Beersf orf Never use Cayuga's Waters*
Sincerely,
400 Ridffe Building,
Kansas City, Mo*,
Feb* 12, 1926*
Bear jjr* Canfield*-
I haw found it in convenient to send you any stuff for soma
tln*f but submit a batch herewith from tvhich you may glean
something
useful.
I think Caspar Whitney was once on Outing, but havenft verified
it# You should to able to find out very easily* I don?t even know
that he is responsible for the Tale of a Picture, but my impression
runs that way*
,
(There are soot additional verses to &ha Chicago Blues son£ra*uch
you may know* !Ehey all follow the same trend*
Mf
I ainft no joojsay, nor a jockey*s eon, - ■ \/.-
But IflX do your easy-riding till the Jockey comes•
X ain't no iceman, nor an iceman's son,
Bat 1*11 fill your box until the icemen comes.
And so on through countless occupations*
I have learned one thing in connection with this work* It is
easy to get extravagant promises, but har* to realize on them, My
friends are anxious to help up to the point of actually getting the
material, whan for some reason their enthusiasm ebbs* However, a
little perseverance brings somS result*
Would be glad to k»ow^FOur~ether KSansas Oity correspondents, if
you don't feel that it would be betraying confidences* Perhaps by
cooperation we could get quicker action on scene ofi ghese things.
Do
as you think best about this suggestion*
There is a great deal of latrine doggerel which might be
interesting*
Here is a verse written on the walls of a pay~aa-you-enter toilet in
a
down town hotel:
Here I sit
All broken-hearted—
Jitney out
And only farted*
Have a little more material in hand now and will ;send it as soon
as I get a chance to transcribe It*
Sincerely,
P ♦ S •
The following poem has occurred to me since x
writing the letter♦ It was a popular one when I was in "boarding-
school, -St .Paul1 s, Concord, N.H.,- and ^as felt to extoll the
prowess
of the St.Pauls "boys* I enclose it for anything it may he worth,
Come all ye Concord Chippies,
And hearken unto me I
Never trust a St.PaulsVBoy
An inch above t!;te kneel
I trusted one, The Son of a Bitch,
As you can easily seel
And he left me in the hell of a fix,
With a baby on my knee.
CORNELIUS ROACH, 1ST VICE-PRESIDENT
C. M. VlNlN<S, TREASURER
TO IMPftOVK THC BUSINESS DISTRICT"
The Business District League
OF
ORA C. STARK,
EXECUTIVE SECRETARY
Z. ROBERT WELLS,
ASSISTANT SECRETARY
Kansas City, Missouri
FOUNDKD It20 INCORPORATED 19X3
400 RIDGE BUILDING
TELEPHONE
HARRISON 1659
January 14 f 1926.
Dear I$r. Canfieldj-
Hero is some more stuff just as I got it. 2he Lady
Lil piece seems garbled beyond reason, but you perhaps
can get it straightened out from other sources.
I remembered after I wrote you yesterday that I
omitted one stansa from !2he Old Sport. Hhe second stance
should be inserted as follows*
"I ain't got no money, but if I was. rich
Ifd go dead brolce on that son of a bitch.
\*ten he gets started he*ll make 'em all itch,
He111 win in a walk, by goshj"
I .m not attempting to attain any particular standard
in the selections I send youf but taico them as they come.
You will use such as you see fit.
Sincerely,
^^i^j^ c^JJI)
CAMP 10SS2DTG WSm.
(fune$ Roll, Jordan, Roll)
The old iarktown revival
They say It has no rival
They pray to beat the devil
Shouting, Rollf Jordan, Roll*
Oh, sister, you've been called on
For some of thg stuff you're setting on ^ I
Thsre's a brother, in the oorne> with a hard on
Saying, Roll, Jordan* Roll.
How, sister, don't you weaken,
Here qMas the handsome deacon,
Salvation he's a-seekin*
Singing, Roll, Jordan, Roll*
Hey, brother, park your 'fatmie'
Jjsty right down there with Annie
Give her the old bananny
And it's Roll, Jordan, Roll*
A
n
^___
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ciup mmm sow. r^^4 ^ _ ^ cj^J^
(Additional i»mi). P 1 jj&vy
low, titter, poll Ma to yoa,
That deaooa sore will screw yout
Staging Qlery Hallelujah,
Jnd lt*a Roll. Jordan, Roll*
•X-
How, brother, tain your prodpole
Jn4 short It tqp her touahole,
Push Salvation oat of her asshole,
Moania1, Roll, Jordan, Boll*
Iowf sister, you'i* done eat it*
If Beayen donate* Just let it;
Just let It lay. he'll get It*
Gruntin' f Boll* Jordan^ Roll*
Bow, brothert there's a blister
A-oominf tAere you kUaed herf
Too ware have warned that sister,
■wailit Breathing Roll, Jordan, Boll#
How, sister, hold him ateady,
Joet holler when youfre ready,
Be* a hpt to wet year teddy,
Y*llln\ Boll. Jordan, Roll*
Now* brother 9 tak» your panky
And wipe it m your hanky,
Just tell the sister thaaky
lud wet 11 Roll, Jordan, Roll*
Tomorrow night the parson
Vtll teaoh the girls in person,
So donft erne out with drawers oa,
•Cauae lt9a Boll* Jordan, Roll*
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(c4uj
During the latter part of the Civil War, the Confederacy
was short of salt petre, one of the most necessary ingredients
of gunpowder. The following advertisement in the Salem,
Alabama "Sentinel" shows an original method of obtaining a
supply %
'She ladies of Salem are respectfully requested
to preserve their chamber lye, as it is very
needful in the cause of the Bonfederacy in the
manufacture of nitre, a necessary ingredient of
gunpowder* Wagons with barrels will be sent to
residences daily to collect and remove the same*1
(signed) John Harrolson,
Agt ♦Ordnance & Mining Bureau*
0* S. A*
The scheme was so novel that a local wit perpetrated the
following:
John Harrolson, John Harrolson, you are a funny creature,
You've given to this cruel war, a new and curious feature;
You'd have us think, while every nan is bound to be a fighter,
The women, bless the pretty dears, should save their pee
for nitre*
John Harrolson, John Harrolson, inhere did you get the notion,
To send the barrels around the town to gather up the lotion?
We thought the women*s duty done in keeping house and diddling,
But now you'd set the pretty dears to patriotic piddling*
John Harrolson, John Harrolson, do, prayf invent a neater
And somewhat less immodest way of making your saltpetre*
The things so very queer, you know, gunpowder-like and cranky,
That when a lady jerks her brine she shoots a bloody Yankee*
A copy of this found its way throu^x the lines and a Vermon* .
corporal wrote the following, which was sent back to the Rebel
camp: '
John Harrolson, John Harrolson, we read in song and story,
How women's tears in all these years have sprinkled fields of
gloxy,
But ne'er before did women help their brave in.deeds of slaughter,
'Till Southern beauties dried their tears and went to making water*
(continued)
-2-
No wonder, Johni your boys are brave, who wouldnVt be a fighter,'
If every time he shot hie gun, he used his sweethearts nitre^
And, vica versa, what could make a Yankee soldier sadder,
Than dodging bullets fired from a pretty womanfs bladder?
Wefve heard it said a subtle smell still lingered in this powder,
And as the smoke grew thick and the din of battle louder,
That there was found in this compound a serious objection:
The soldiers could not sniff it without causing an erection*
•Sis clear now why desertion is so common from your ranks:
An Arctic nature18 needed to withstand Same Venus1 pranks ~
A Southerner can1t stand the press - when once he's had a small,
He's got to have a piece or bust - the Cause can go to hell*
LYDIA PINKHAM *
Oh, we sing, we sing, we sing of Lydia Pinkham
And her love for the human race I
She invented a wonderful compound,
And now the papers publish her face I
Oh, Mrs. Jones had bladder trouble,
And she couldn't take a p—; a
So she drank, she drank, she drank, j&XJHt bottle of compound,
And now they pipe her to the seat
Oh, we sing, we sing, we sing of Lydia Pinkham, etc.
Oh, Mrs Smith • she had no breast-works
Which made her husband raise a row;
So she drank, she drank, she drank, two bottles of compound,
And now they milk her like a cowl
Oh, we sing, we sing, etc.
Oh, Mrs. Brown had woman1s weakness -
And she had no children dear;
So she drank, she drank, she drank, three bottles of compound,
And now she has them twice a year!
Oh, we sing, we sing, etc.
*•>.. *&
ETDIA PIKKHAM,
Mrs. 3rovm was constipated,
It v/as hard for her *P P£s%*
She took five "bottles of i$&££h^ompound
And wears a faucet in her ass*
CHOHJS •••"••••-
Mrs* Blue had monthly troubles,
It-was hard for ^-rj£j£jMfe
She -took six "bottles %f i^feK^uSrnpuaud,
ohe comes ;jick now twice a \vee>.
CHORUS: •.....•
Mrs. Stfith had diarrhea,
Couldn't slsep for i^t>\ge 's cailf
Toole two bottles of i^^S^sUompouxid,
l^ow she sleeps right through, it all.
CHORUS: ...*...••
Mrs* Jackson had lumbago,
Felt as though her b&£j&w&8' broke,
So^f^four bottles of S^aPa Compotuid,
Kow she gives-an eight-inch stroke*
CHORUS; ........
Nellie Johnson lost her cherry,
She was ruined, withgui>a doubt,
So ok two bottles of JEj^ffi(\^^oinpound,
Nov; she's glad that it is out.
CHORUS: • . . .....
Sarah Jones was nearly thirty,
And had never been seduced;
Too^three bottles of ^&f&Hr Compound,
How she practices self-abuse*
CHORUS? *..•••••
Sing, oh sing of jtydla Pinkham |
And her love for the human race, \ j
How she makes her Vegetable Compound!
And the papers publish her f4.ce. J
Kaw' it sells for a dollar a bottle
And it cures all manner of ills v
And is more highly recommended
Than Releevo Ladies* Pills•
Sister Susie had no breastworks
She had nothing fneath her blouse
Sill she took one bottle of compound
Mow they milk her with the cows,.
Widow Brown had female weakness
Bearing down pains like needles and pins;
-■ SoakeS. her feet in Vegetable Compound
Aad became the mother of twins.
Mrs. Jones had urinitis
Indeed, she couldn't pse at all,
But si*e drank one bottle jf compound
and behold! -*a waterfall.
Have you heariL of H&nry Ward Beeoher
And his love\por lydia Pinkf
How they spent ifrfe night together
And he placed wrth I^dia^ dirik.
I-canmy Brov*n he went to Harvard.
WliQre he met with an'awful mishap;
Took ten bottles of Iydia*s Compound
But it would not cure the clap.
[THIS IS THE BACK OF THE PRECEEDING PAGE]
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-12-
A song to the tune of* "I'm a rowing wrack of poverty, and
A lad named Shamus 01Riley
Onco lived la tir«n.°w'I«la»
A bully boy for-fucking,
And ho did it up in stylo.
Ha fucked all the girls in Ireland
Froa tho Channol to tho Vain,
Then skipped it off to Turkey
To look for hotter game-
He got into the Harem
Whore the Sultan kept hie tail,
The girls vere overjoyed to see
A huekey big whangod a*la»
They hid hia in the sbit-housa
Of the sultan's Ivory towers,
And those that wanted fucking
Had to stand in line for hours* .
Sc^ih *£p7 7 *aTXZ}^ ** took the© in succession,
1ZX.sk <k U o**^j ^^* / Hardly
stopping off for meals,
*£x* , With delighted girlish
squeols.
For big cunts or little cunts
He filled them one and all*
Upon the floor or shit -ho use seat,
Or up against the „ii »»■, t*r*M <
*13-
Things wexrt hot and heavy
Tor just about & year,
Thtn a sudden flood of babies
Struck the Sultan rat ho r queer*
Ninety wives had Bastaris
Kach with flawing orange hair,
And the Sultan sot out to find
/^
The why and when and whwr*,
He Bought the Tower shit"house
To meditate and crap.
/^h) There ha found our Sham us
Lie in g in Ffctlma's lap.
With his thumb stuck up her arse-hole
And his peter up her t«at«
The Sultan grabbed him by the balls,
And beaned hia with a pot*
Re yelled for guards and soldiers,
And roared "Bring on my knives,
For I've got the bloody bastaad
ffho9s been fucking up my wives!*
"lfll cut his bloody nuts off
And make him eat them raw.
I111 tear his bloody cock out
And cram it down his craw!19
-14*
But hit angry heart wae softenod
When he saw how Shamue weptf
He only tossed hia down a dungeon
Where a lioneee wae kept*
* the lioneee was than In heat 9
qgipaattey^ lept upon her back,
And sent hie mighty joy-prong
A~whi*zing up her cr*ck«
Shaaus cried "Tie hotter tall
Than I We had in all my life**
But the Sultan crept behind him*
And dieballed him with a knife*
The Harem girls went on a strike,
Tor they craved that penie back,
ButJtiley died of a broken heart9
And hie lioneee died of clapp*
TL
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THE • SAGAMORE
EAST AVENUE
ROCHESTER, NEW YORK
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Piaour ok case* joe
Come all ye tail-hounds if you\want to hear
The stoiy of a brave engineer.
Casey Jones was hie name,
In a four-poster bed he won his fame.
His wife woke Casey at half past four,
And told her spouse she wantsd some more*
fie mounted to her feelly, his trombone in-his hand
And shove dHt^twelvo inohes into the promised land.
Late in the evening, looking rather pale,
He vmnt to the eat-house to get his usual tail.
He said to the madam, "Bring on all that youfve got,
For Ifm feeling mighty horny and I»ll fuok the goddam lot#u
He felt of his balls and his balls they hung low
fie looked at the vdxores all lying in a rowf
He looked at the madam, and he said,
"I'll fuck the Whole kaboddle but ifil soon be dead."
He got a heavy hard on and started down the line,
And fucked them quick and pretty till he got to 29*
As he slipped in his pecker, a tear stood in his eye,
He said *Ifm going to fuck you last thing before I die*"
CASEY JOBEB- (8)
He worked for forty minuter, *nd h® came for twenty-five*
When he'd shot hie wad out, he was only half alive•
They laid him on the sofa, and stood around in tears,
And said '•He1 Is the grandest man wefve screwed in many years*"
Said Casey to the doctor just before he died,
„wThere are two more girls I wish that I could ride*11
The doctor asked l%Who can they be?n
*Bow-legged Susan and Hot-cunt Marie •*'
\
The Shit House Rag.
Dan! Dan!
The lavatory nan,
Has full charge
Of the crapping can.
Ha picks up the papers and he hands out the towels
And he listens to the rumble of the fat men's bowels*
Ffff! Ffff!
A fart is heard
Followed by the sound
Of a splashing terd.
He finds his joy and greatest bliss
In the crackle of the paper and trickle of the piss,
Rah! R ah! Sis boom ah!
Oh, you Shit House Rag!
Turkey In The Straw*
I drempt last night and the night before
That the devil was a-knocking on the shit-house door.
I went down stairs to let him in,
And he cracked my ass with his* roiling pin
I ran upstairs to crawl into bed,
And fell in the piss-pot orer my he'id.
I couldn't swim and I couldn't float,
A great big terd slid down my throat*
HUBERT L. CANFIBLD
Advertising
8l ST. PAUL STREET, ROCHESTER, N. Y.
zw^.jfciis^ *.**- -—^:4 ^ —^^^s-
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STEAM RAILROAD DEPARTMENT
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Mademoiselle from Armatieres, parles-vous?
Mademosielle from Armatieres, parlez-vous?
Mademoiselle from Armatieres
She hadn't been fucked for forty years;
Inky-dinky parlex-vous?
Mademoiselle from Armatieres, parlez-vous?
?^ Mademoiselle from Armatierea, parlez-vous?
Mademoiselle from Armatieres
S\^ The soldier's cook brought her to tears;
Inky-dinky parlez-vous?
(^' The fireman he was shovelling coal, pafrlez-vous?
The fireman he was shovelling coal, parlez-vous?
The fireman he was shovelling coal
He shoved it up the engineer's hole;
Inky-dinky parlez-vous?
The conductor was punching tickets for France, parlez-vous?
The conductor was punching tickets for France, parlez-vous?
The oonduotor was punching tickets for France
He saw a lady without any pants;
Inky-dinky parlez-vous?
»
04<*ky a-4 ^S*^- ^. ■
^JMMBiHatfl
LL^AU^ 0Uj-f~*: (<*•)
I (J—
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HIKKT. DimOf. P&ffBZ-TOUS.
" ^
j^^
The 'French they are a peculiar race
Parlez-vous,
Xhe French they are ^'peculiar racef
Parlez-vous f
She French they are a peculiar race,
ihey fight with their feet, and f.uck wit.i their face,
Kinky? dinky, p&rlez-vous*
/^ Mademoiselle of Armentieres,
/ Parlea-vous,
Mademoiselle of Armentieres, ^
Parle'z-vous,
Up ze stairs and in ze t>ed$
And there she lost her maiden-head,
Hinky, dinky, parlez-vous«
t^
First three months and all is well,
Parlez-vous ,
First three months and all is wellf
P&rles-vous,
First three months and all is well,
The next three months she begins to swell f
Hinky, dinkyf parles-vous.
Nine months gone, she gave a grant,
Parles-vous,
Hine months gone, she gave a grunt,
Parlea-vous,
Nine months gone, she gave a grunt,
And a little marine jumped out of her cunt,
Hinky-dinky, j>arlez~vous.
2he little marine he grew and grew
Parlez-vous,
The little marine he grew and grew,
Paries-vo us,
Ihe little marine he grew and grew,
And now hefs scragging the women too,.•
Hinky, dinky, parlez-vous.
I>/5orJ
Mademoiselle of gay De&ag-,
Parlez-vous,
Jl&demoisell of gay Belong, VX JoN
Pfcrles-vous, ..
Mademoisell of gay »etfe»g,£fJ*0N
She gave me clap with a safety on,
Kinky? dinky, parles-vous«
*H
ax
\)W^^
m
kinky. pugg. PAragz-vous.
(continued)
/
Mademoiselle of Kernel hill,
P&rl*ea-vous,
Mademoiselle of Kernel Hill,
Parles-vous t
Mademoiselle of Kernel-Hill,
She won't jig^4igt btt* b*r mother will,
Hiriky, diriky, parlt«-vous»
Landlord, have you some ruby wine,
Parles-voua,
landlord, have you someNruby wine,
Parlez-vous,
Landlord, have you somt ruby wine,
2hat*s fit for an officer ot the line,
HinKy, dinfcy, parlez~vous«
landlord, have you a daughter fine, i
Parles-vous,,
Landlord, have you a daughter fine,',
Parlez-voue,
Landlord, have you a dau^iter fine,
Eha^would suit an officer of the line,
Kinfty, diriky, parlez-vous •
w
^Wk n
w
UAcuAa-M UU
1
(K/j un*
\K
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KaxV
^^la^H
Mademoiselle from Bar le Duo,
P*rlea vous.
j
Mademoiselle from Bar le Duof r% \y^
Paries vous. '/
Mademoiselle from Bar le Duof ^
She came to Parse to gobble the goo, •
Hinlcey dinky paries vous.
Mademoiselle have you any ountf
Parley vots
Mademoiselle have you any cunt,
Parley voua iS
Mademoisell have you any cunt,
Send It up to the American front*
Hunky, dinky f parley vous. -
Mademoiselle from Arraentieres,
Barley vous
Mademoiselle from Armentlares,
Farley vous,
Mademoiselle from Armentieres,
HadAft been jazzed in forty years*,
Hinky, dinky parley vous.
Madam, have you a daughter fair,
%wd9 have you a daugiter^fair, v
bu/A|-i Parley jrous,
*a4m. have you a daughter fair,
With lily white tits and raven hair
Hinky, dinky, parley vous. N
The little marine he sailed away,
Parley vous
The little marine he sailed away,
Parley vousf
Kie little marine he sailed away, prux l .a^
And left his girl in the family way., ^J* AjL %/N
Hinky, dinkyf parley vous.
Many and many a married man,
parley voui, t^sr*
Many and many a married manf s^^h^"
Parley vousf tJfv v
Many and many a married man,
Wants to go baok to France again,
Hinky, dinky, Barley vous.
. HIHKY DI1IKY PAKCB2 VOUSf
Dear lady, have you a girl"bo fine,
Parlez vous,
Dear ladyf have you a girl so fine,
Parisz vousff
Dear lady have you a girl so fine
Fit for a soldier from the linet
Kinkey, dinkey, parlez vous*
Oh, yesf I have a daughter so fine
Parlez vousf
0hf yesf I have a daughter so fine
Parlez voust
0hf yesf I hava^a daughter so fine
Fit for a^^CTIcr from the line.
Hinkey, dinkey, parlez vousx.
They went upstairs ^o /go to bed,
Repeat, etc., \J
And then he took herMaidenhead,
Hinkeyf dinkey, parlez^-vous.
Three months passed and ai^ fwas well,
And then her belly began tik/swell.
Three months more and slzk gave a grunt,
And out rolled a recruiv*from her oia red c
This young recruit he grew ddb grew,
And now he's f—king the ladijbs too*
A mademoiselle from Armentiei^ar,
She hadn't been f—ked in forry years,
—t.; *r
A mademoiselle fi?Mj? gay Paree,
She f—ked a boy from pompany B.'
The M.P^'s behind the lines, ^^AJ) \1£aM^
F—king the women and drinking the wines.
The^YM.C.A. wei^ov^^tli^t T^GN^a^
To *m% the soldieX'^'****^^
The Jewish M^itaeVw^^
To pick up thteVsiMiie^ 1^^d<^gn^oy£ did dropv
Many a son of Abraham,
Pfcrlty tous, v^
Many a son of Abraham, fr°
Parley vousf
Many a eon of Abraham,
He ata his. ham for Unole Sam,
Hto*yf dinky, parlas vous.
^he captain he's a-oarxylnv a pa ok,
x Parlay voua
The captain he*a a-oarryinf a paok,
Parley vous
She captain he9 8 a-carry in1 a pack,
Hope to Christ it breaks his back,
Hinky? dinkyf parley vous*
on back of proceeding typescript page]
-^=^.^~
v^vi-i
211 West 11th Street, »YC.
March 19th, 19£6
Alan N. Steyne:
Dear Sir:
I re^d your joyous note in this week's "Nation*1, and has-^
ten to cooperate where 1 can. 1 noticed a- similar appeal in the
MERCURY a few months ago, and imagine that is your pristine inspir-
ation.
However, if 1 cannot contribute much to this priceless anth-
ology* I hope to be able to get a copy when it is in final shape; so
remember the name and address for future circularising purposes.
I suppose you have already millions of verses for the
famous "Parley-voo". Do they perchance include:
"The general got the Qroix de ^uerre.
The son of a "bitch v-as never there.fl
and
"Mademoiselle from gay Paree,
Had the chancre and gave it to me."
and
"The little Marine he grew and he grew,
And now he's sh&ggin1 the women too."
and
"The little Marine went over the top
To let the Kaiser.suck his---" (not such a good rhyme)
which are all the verses I ever heard sung in our detail.
And there is another gem which I have heard, but never learned:
It begins; "Twas in my mother's hallway,
i ^^ <U>JlAwv}
That I-was led astray" (tune: Christmas «fn trie Harem)
On other pages, I attach other songs and fragments which may
nelx;
a bit.
Best luck to you, and he careful about the mails.
^ Sincerely,
JWui LrvJjLA
Stray verses of Hinky Pinky Parlez»vou*$ti
Tba A# I# F# 1b. coming back, V
But the aaaerselles have flat their jack,{ 0™
Hink*y pinkey parlet-trous. J
The Ym h. C« A* has gone over the t#p / \ \ ^^
To pick up the pennies the Doughboys drop,
Hinky pinky parle*-vous
fcaaerselle from gay Pare©,
I asks MDo you fuck!" ard she says HOUi,oui!H
Hinkey pinkey parlez-vous!
^ v _Mi/*~
I screwed her in an old latrtne, ( V \ \) ^^
Cost two franes and was tree bees* T
Hinky pinky parlex-wust ^
Ttorf irst Vou/* Months all was well,
v
Then, by Goo/, she begfrn to swell,
Hinky pinky jarlez-vous.
When nine monthk cake she gave a grunt f
A little karine hp4p*& out of her cunt,
Hinky pinky parle*«vous*
The littlo fcfcripe went ^ over the top,
And made the Kaiser suck his cock,
Hinky pinky parle*~*ous!
i
3 L 1 P 0 0 K •
(Sung by the Archangel Expeditionary Force - Russia - 1818*1919)
There was an old soldier who crossed the Rhine
Slapoon
There was an old soldier who crossed the Rhine
Slapoon
There was an old soldier who crossed the Rhine
And he stopped in a tavern to buy him some wine
Slapoon, Slapoodle .
Die Heimen go Padle Sfiy*^
Said his "Dear Mutter, your daughter is fine,
Slapoon
Said het^Dear Mttert your daughter is fine
Slapoon
Said he: "Dear Mutter your daughter is fine
She ought to be fucked with a prick like mine,
Slapoon9 Slapoodle
Die Heimen go Fadie.
0h9 not You see my daughters too young,
Slapoon
0h9 nol You see my daugiter's too young9
Slapooii
0hf not you see my daughterfs too young9
For you and she would surely get hung,
Slapoon, Slapoodle,
Die Heimen go Fadle.
0hf no9 Dear Mutter, I'm not
Slappon
0hf no. Dear Muttrer, Ifm not
Slapoon,
Oh, no, Dear Mutter, I'm not
Per Ifve been fucked by many
Slapoon, Slapoodle,
Die Heimen go Fadle*
0B9 thent dear daughter, if you1 re not too young
Slapoon
0h9 thenf dear daughter, if yra.fre not too young9
Slapoon,
Oh, then, dear daughter, If you1 re not too young,
Just pull up your dress and let him jp* on,
Slapoon, Slapoodle,
Die Heimen go Fadle*
toil young,
too young9
too young,
a one,
, 3UP00U (2)
Oh, see, Dear Mutter, he's into ma now,
Slapoon
Oh, 8a«, Dear Matter, he's into me now,
Slapoon,
Oh, sea, Dear Mutter, he1* into ma now,
Lite Solomon1 s 1ml 1 had it into the fow,
Slapoon, Slapoodle,
Die Heimen go Pa die •
Six months oome - nine months did pass
Slapoon
Six Months oome - nine months did pass
Slapoon
Six months coma - &ine months did pass
A young Yankee soldier Jumped out of her ass
Slapoon, ilapoodle,
Die Heimen go Tadle*
Slapoon*
is on the back of the preceeding typescript page]
,£v^;tei\&
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A soldier came ow from Rhine, t; ^:o!
Snapoo!
He stopped at a tavern to buy him some wine.
Cho.-
Snapooder, enapeeder; folango feefc*r»
C.harceal and saltpetre; asshole, fartless haater-
Snapoo!!
Oh, Tarern Keeper, Your daughter looks fine,
Snapoo!
Shs ought to be fucked by a soldier from Whine."
wOh no, FdneS6dldie-riSshi*s^mUchcte<KVo^ng,
Snapoo!
Youfd puncture her belly and ruin her bung**
M0h, no# Father, Ifm not too young,
Snapoo!
I* re stood it three fingers clear up to the thumb*
*0h, fiat her, he 4 on me now,
Snapoo!
He fucks just like the bull on the cow."
' ■ ■,;';'
," *■; t
i ■ :& :
. "'* . •■. ■ -
*0h, Father, He% biting my teats,
Snapoo!
It feels so good it gives me the shits."
Snapooder Snapeeder,2
Oh, Father, I§m all of a quiver!
Snapoo!
He1 a knocksd ay shit-bag clear over ay lirer."
Six laonths of the year went by,
Snapoo!
And her apron at rings they would not tie.
fh#n nine xaonths of the year had passed,
Snapoo!
A little Dutch soldier hopped put of her ass.
c
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•28*
Another collegiate song from the'U* of California, to the tune of "
I'm a
roving wreck of porerty."
0hf Harvard's run by Princeton,
And Princeton's run by Yale9
#4^ Yale is run by Vassar,
And Vassar's run by tail.
Ob, Stamford*.a run by stud-horse plea,
They make it there by hand*
Oh! the masturbating, fornicating
Cardinal* be damned!
Cho«
rdinalu be damned, boye9
The Caddinals be danmdd!
The Cardinals be damned, boys,
The cardinals be damned!
To hell with dirty Stamford,
God damn her stinking soul!
(fe, She can come right up to Berkeley,
And kiae the bear* a arse-hole.
If I had a girl, lade,
I'd dreae her up in red,
And send her down to Stamford
To lota her maidenhead,
But if I had a boy, lade,
I'd send him to the U,
And he'd shout To hell with Stamford!"
tike his daddy used to do«
Cho.
CHRISTOPHER COLUkBO
In Fourteen hundred and ninety two
A ginny from It alt
St rod a up the strata of old Genoa
Yelling "Hot tamain!-"
Cho.-
He swore the World was round-o,
His balls hung to the ground-o;
That masturbating sonovabitch
With the syph and the clapp and the se/en year itch,
Christopher Columbo!
He took his plans to Ferdinand,
That fconarch fat and lazy,
Says Ferdinand, "To hell with him,
The Goddam tifcp is crazy!"
So he went forthwith to see the quean,
Saying "Give me ships and cargo,
And I911 be a blighted sonovabitch
If I don't bring back Chicago!"
Says Isabel, "I see a chance
To gratify the passion,
That I*ve conceired for this blooming Wop
In truly Spanish fashiojj."
Christopher Cllu»bo,2
Thoy aet at eight at the garden gat a,
Columbo scarcely Knew her,
But he laid her flat upon her back
And threw a fuck into her,
The Queen put all n*r jewels in hock
To gat Coiuabo started*
She shed salt tears upon the dock,
Coluabo meraiy farted.
A week or acre from the Spanish shore
They heard a frightful wailing,
They found Coluabo on the bridge
»ith his teath sunk in the railing*
Coiumbo was a sonovabitch,
And he came froaa old da no a.
He caught',the clapp fron Isabel
The famous Spanish whore,
Now doctors on this Goddam ship
fere few and far from many*
There was only one old quack on board #
And he went by nana of Bennie.
Christopher Coluiibo«3
Old Bennie Knew a thing or two.
His smile was calm and placidj
He filled Columdo's penis up
With hot sulphuric acid*
For ninety days and ninety nights
They sailed the broad Atlantic,
tint ill at last for a piece of ass
The sailors ware quite frantic*
Wheha nan got ver* ver* bad
The tied hiii to the mast-pole,
And Solumbo bared his good right am
And shoved it up his aes-hola.
Cclunbo had a cabin boy
Who loved hiip like a brother,
And every night at half past twelve
They would leap on one another.
For ninety day3 and ninety nights
They sailed in search of booty,
Till upon a shore they spied a who re-
lb y Gawd! she was a beauty!
Christopher Colu&bo 4
The sailors leapad into the surf,
Shedding shirts and collars,
In fifteen minutes by the clock
She made ten thousand dollars*
Columbo chased a nut brown aiaid
fho resented his advances,
Till he ran her up a cocoa palit,
And fucked her in the branches*
For seven hours they kept it up, ,
And made a wild commotion.
The cocoanuts were shakes loose
And fell into the ocean*
This Island maid was very sweat,
But her revenge was sweater,
Culumbo got a dose of syph,
With ihancres on his peter.
Soon he journeyed back to Spain
Where he \vas needed sorely,
For the Queen with a length of bean
fas masturbating hourly. .^
/
■I
Christopher Coluabo. 5
Ha laid the New Wolld at h^r faet,
But g^ve her greater rapture
When he laid her down upon the rug,
And set about to scratch her.
It took a whole night*s labor
To satisfy her passion,
And he filled her up with syphilis
In thorogaing fashion.
So he got his knockers taken off,
And they dy$d his pecker yellow
For bei#g a dirty sonovrabitch
And dosing Isabella.
mm
In fourteen hundred and ninety-two, a Dago from Italee,
Was walking on the streets of Sjifcin, selling hot tamalee.
He went up to the Qaeen of Spain; said "Give me ships and cargo
And I'll he a cook-eyed sone of a bitoh If X don't bring
ymx bade, Chicago •"
For he knew the world was round-o
And land It oould be fouafeo
v Shis masturbating, fornicating
Grlstofo Columbo*
How in the town of Madrid, the clapsters were not many,
And the very best clapster in the town was a God-damned Jew
^ w*Xl U4c named Benny.
Colombo he did go to him, with oouatanaiiet calm and placid,
And Benny filled his peter up - with muriatic acid.
For he knew the world was round-o
And land it oould be found-o '
Shis navigating, virgin-hating Christofo Culurabo.
Fourteenvd^s^mjhe 4f*Pf Columbo he got rooty9
He MfHt^WyKm^mi fcSgye and said "Ain't that a beautyf«
The first mate thumbed his nose at him and hid behind the mast
pole,
Columbo grabbed the cabin-boy and jammed it up his ass-hole•
For he knew the world was round-o
And land It oould be found-o
Ihis masturbating, fornicating
Crlstofo Columbo.
Columbo had a one-eyed matef he loved him like a brother,
They used to go dowft in the hold and lay on one another I
The sailors were a whorry crew, they buggered anybody -
Columbo said that was the way that they all kept so ruddy.
For he knew the world was round-o
. And land it could be found-o
That navigating, sailor-baiting,
Son-of-a-bitch Columbo.
? A^X- And when they hSffiJto sight of land, all were intent on
bo*>ty
^&P? ^-~ A whore stoodM&lyJ upon the sand, Great Chr^sttshe was a
beauty*
\ ^«^J c^> The "WgHipl^ed iato the deep, sheading ooats
and collars,
(K& ^}^^ Iu sH^att^n minutes f ty the clock,
she made nine hundred dollars*
p^ h For he knew the world was
round-o
And land it could be found-o
That masturbating, fornicating,
Crlstofo Columbo.
Coltaabo: he did get last whaok, his oook was red and fiery,
fie started baoic into his ship, to write it in his diary,
A mighty shout arose on board "All hands, come weigh the anchor"
Coltonho oouldn't more a step - his halls were full of chancre.
Oh, his balls were large and round-o
His oock hung to the ground-o
Shis masturbating, fornicating
Son of a bitch, Columbo.
w1
■ ^JM X .... A
■Vt^^ ' . U^
fif-""' -A ''
^'
I
L
CHBiagQfO COLPMBO,
♦Iwas in fourteen hundred and ninety~twof
Columbo, he departed,
Isabella wept a peek of tears,
Columbo merely farted*
—>
The ship was ninety days at set,
Cclumbo, he felt rooty;
His cock stood at attention, for
It heard the call to dirty.
He took the good old whanger out
And laid it on the deck,
The first mate stumbled ov^r it
.ejad damnsd near broke his heck.
As he lay there on the quarter-deck,
Close to the forward mas thole,
Columbo gave hie ccok a twitch,
And shoved it up his &S3~hole»
"Oh, spare mefsirei,r the first made cried,
"And I will give my daughter•"
,fBrin^ on the bitch" bold Chris replied,
"Or I will give no quarter."
She maiden fled across the deck,
2he villiaa he pursued her,
Some white of egg:ran down her leg,
2he son of a bitch had screwed her*
~...........7
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«Seme die #f drinking whiskey.
Some die of drinking beer.
Some die of the diabetis,
• •-„■ 1... "' ' - '. ■
■:■
And some of thp diarrhea.
<*•*
B*» ell the whule, WbrtflHPvor
There U aothimg half bo sure
As the drip drip drip,
And the drop drop drop
Of the God damned gonorrhea*
Put o& your old rubber bonnet,
With eome vaselino upon it,
For you. cannot have it any other waye
For it wouldn't do a lady
Ta have a little baby
A week before her weddind day,
We are from Troop I, from Troop I are we.
fe ride together, bare arssed and free
God Damn It!.!'
We're from lake Brie, fe should be weary-
Troop" I from Buffalo!
I
if
There was a young man from Australia,
fho ipainted his arse like a dahlia.
They viewed th brigit flower -
In delight by the hour,
But they say that the scent was a failure*
<-<L
i
•ntf.
(04 N f***A#f \ "
Ob kr. Ckllaghar.I'see your littla Kail is fond of pats*
jTias a rabbet and a dog 1cfL*^
1 turtle and a frop;.
And t-.ro cockatoos tkat k»ow thair alphabet 8. »*<£»-h_
Ok i.r.SMaoH, Oh kr. Skaea, Her choicest pat I think yoiiVa waver
saa«. *f £ti>
She k aps it opt of sight,
But lets 919 play with it at"sight-
*A Persia* kitten, kr. Gallagher!
•Just plain puesey, *r. Sheos.
Ok kr. Gallagher, oh kr. Gallagher, I lore to fxsV)"t[/^ brooks
for pare'*
a»d trout*
This sylvan solitude
Do as siy po at s nat u r a go od.
I faal i*cli*ad to daii^e arousd and shout.
Ok kr. Shaen, oh kr. Shaen, Keep quiet, for a funny tkiitg Ifra
saa».
A man sitting in'the sand,,
A long pole i» his hand-
• Bait castirp, Lr. Gallagher!
•kasturbati^g, kr. Shea».
Ok kr. Gallagher, oh kr,8allaghsrr.T«Qir swaatid[callad last wi^t
opor
Tha phone.
Said ska fait inclined to play,
But her husband was away,
And ska was vary loneso:aa till stlon-e.
On kr. S^33n, oh kr Sheas- ,1 hurried off to cheer my darti***
quaan.
I had a lot of power, •
^ai cana i«* balf sin hour-
In your speedster, kr Gallegker!
- 0» her sofa,/kr« Sheen!
Ok kr. Gallegker, ok fcr* Gallagher, The country surely is ft
lonely place
The air so fresh and pure,
The rtaidens all datura, /
And everyone'presents a sailing face*
0* i r* S±*e«n, Oj* kr. S«3*?«, Ibpent a Suits er once Mfe ere
fields were £rasE
Tae Faraers asuis was Wat^r,
And he kad a ctaraing-ddtygkter-
\
Do any fanting, kr Galxegher? \
-Oax> piowing,\kr« Sheen*
f\
b^J^uL/^P
Aii Adaption of Carolina in thaborning.
Occg I mat a fella,
And hie teat idea were yella,
Id the boruing*
I eays moat emphatic
You're looking too gyematic,
In tba morning.
It ia too lata for screwing,
You stfurtrurbate* I eee.
What you have been doing,
Doean't appeal to ae."
Ha Say8t * ?heneare thinge finer
Than a juicy tight vagina,
In the zaoiming.
for the cunt thai softly squeezes
Brings disaster and diaeaseet
In tha morning.
But tha graatest pleasure
That a fallow can gat,
la to wake up and find {>MA^ ^efc
That^hita mtiMt» ■ m*m&mmA *~~
^In tha atoning I was dreming,
And ay bed was full of semen,, __
In thtaborning? £vix> K
vVW' ' /-?**Vf V*'.?-"^*--- " :*y*->- %., •- -. ^K'; ^>t
&%lS^C'^:V^ -r ",^?Wf**'VVni?'*' $ -i-*, ,*j ^y/v?V^
,jfer'iV^^?<'-*f«V'r«' » - \ ?*'--"~<^v:!:-re-
fers*;, .tf a vsu- • •.,:',>• -v ;■ . * y *•* • ->
student could ride
rat omity done a
She fall In a trance
bar tmt-holo is tw> Inch80 wida,
'> -." -, ^'-if'ti'iii'. 7\
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.: Thiers, was a' girl of ksoiphus Tsnii*,' -
"Who frigged herself with a fountain pen*
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•^: -.
The cap came off, Tha ink ran wild,
\;V-
/-/'I .•/'fV/'^',t.
She wau brot to bed vlth a nagn> child*
1 /
,,.. --, . -- ^. -^ , - - - ' t; *'•• - 7
' -"f .;.:: r' ..,*•. . ' • ;v . ' v.; In tha ebad^ of the old
apple tree* --
*i^lS -•" * " ■' ' s' "* " 3^« there that ehe 'gave it to .ae«
f^f^^^'^^?^"^-;^ v^:4^"':' Syphilie and clapp^ '; .;; \? *;:
f.\ ••*/'' • ./; :/-: Bubu mayhap,
Crab lice and dirty chaneree*
*''-•'- ' '^■'!>••'■'• • ■ '■■• .*■ -.*
In the shade of the old apple traa n
There will be no more fucking for me*
t , With the palra of ay hand
11 k»DW pleasure grand,
-In the shade of the old apple tre<|» /
- ^ • ■. .
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^■■■■■IHiMMiBMMiHili^
0 m vu^j>^^ *_ Htj- P*<w j)^j^
1 JjLsUo &*
m UTTIE CRAY BSD*
(Parody on ,f«y Little Gray Hme in the West*)
in my little gray bed at the Rita,
lfcyt I th*c* ell the men Into fits.
We have oooktalls at four
And at six we have more 9
jpd then they see things that they never saw before*
mjf you liM, come to seven-o~four,
Dcmft book, Just push open the door*
0h9 the men may come strong
Bat they never last long
In my little gray bed at the Bits*
PARODY*
("When Yon Wore a Tulip, and I Wore a Rose")
If you'll wear a oondomf
A big rubber condom,
Ifll take-off w& B*^V* D.fa.
Yon can oarese me,
Yon can undress me,
You can go aa far aa yon please*
Play with it, dearief
JBx& nek* it feel cheery,
It*a down \ahere the short hair grow*
You oiaj coma round on Sunday
And stay until Monday,
If you111 wear that big rubber hose*
Lr«/")
PARODY*
(Cavalier Song in the *Merry mdow)"
Dainty little horse manuref
Binety-nine per cent itfa pure;
Dainty little turdies,
Pood for all the birdies,
Dainty little horse manure*
--Dartmouth Song*
Turkey in the Straw,8
I went down town to bu$ a penny drum,
Knosked on the door and nobody come.
So I picked up a brick and broke the glass,
Out come the Devil a-sliding on hie ass.
The Devil shit a monkey and the monkey shit a flea,
The flea shit a sailor and they all went to sea,
The sea began to roar, the pise began to pour,
The sailor got a hard on, and couldn't get ashore.
1' -^Kl, Oa
Oh, here's to Sally, who's a Goddam whore,
She wipes her aes on the knob of the door*
The moon shone bright on the end of her teat,
And she brushed her teath with blue-jay shit.
Oh, she rolled over once, and she rolled over twice,
And she rolled over three times, Jesus Christ!
"ZT?: ■ >., ■"■ .■•■'- '■■-■■• --v. .'.•;• :
The hairs on her cooxie were strawberry ooloct,
And the flea? up her aes were fucking one another.
Hero18 to the Kaiser, the son of a bitch, &? :-
kay he die of the pox and the seven year's itch,
Turkey in the Straw,2.
We'll batter hie balls with a seven pound haorter
Till his ass-hole whistles the Star Spangled Banned
The old man sat on the barbed wire fence
Screwing up his nuts with a oonkey wrench,
**'■*■:" •--„*■ , .v ,-. -•.■.■/ .-. *<»
&■+• '■ ,
„-!*"'■ ' ' '•' >
The grass grew up and tickeled his balls
And his gun went off in his over-alls*
Fill up the bowl, Boys, fill up the bowl,
And drink to the dean, God damn his spulf
We'll all be there when he calls the roll,
For we're all going to fiaaven up the Dean's ass-hole*
f
2
Latu^t collsge gfcna*
"Button! Sutton! Her* comes the c#apsrone!w
Latent song.
"Shs site ob his lap, asd bawls."
National flowsr of diabetic.
Swaetpea*
Ths height of disappointment.
A cos whe backs up to a Bull Durham sign, thinking it is a filling
station*
Oh! ths <ut couidn't kitt*nf and'ths dog couldn't pup,
And ths eld man couldr't get his proposition up.
Oh! the first lady foreward and ths second lady back,
I_ /c*~Cn^j
And ths tnidd lady's finger up ths fourth lady's crack.
Swing yer partnsr! (Jreag© yer pole!
Go t Hell, God damn y*r soul!
Oh ths first lady foreward and ths second lady back,
And ths third lady's finger up the fourth lady's crack.
m
Part of a nsgro rhym$.
Coffas in ths pot. Sugar in the bowl.
Pappy's mai at mammy. Shs won't jelly-roll.
Biscuits in ths oven, getting nice and brovm.
Pappy's i; ths orchard, chasing mammy roun*.
Diffcrsncs between man with 9 children ard ths Chicago Limitsd»
An*. Ths Chicago Limited pulls out on time.
/
i
» Advertising
34>7 Fi-ffch Avenue, New^Vbrk
\
>*" IU ~^SL ^ VJv^^^^fi
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<=^-\r VhAA, v^ ^p-2_c
Mt^s e^^^' ^^ ^tk, p±^& ^^UiU. cu^-
itfi$tfiw¥"9t;.
du&x>ft
an
jJL> ,'5{, ;$&."/ a;'.":-',-:
k ^2 4?
O^rSho stood right there, in the moonlight b«re,
While I undid her nighty*
The attnlight lit on the end of her tit,
By Je»u« Chri«t Alaighty.
Ob, eho jumped into bod, pulled the cown o'er hor head,
And ewore I couldn't find her*
I know daaned veil oho lied like hell,
, So I jumped right in behind her*
\ •
." ft * "
<&."--:
Ohi
vghe stood stool? tjtill '
On the crest of the hill,\
I^And the wl|4 pim tap her nightie;
On the nipple of her tit;1
Je-8US 'Christ, Almighty.
HHpnl-' -■•'•' : .
- . : She jumped in bed
'..:■'•'''• . • • ' - ' v
^;^nd: covered up h^x, head, ■> ■ .
;^5^And swore I could not fiiid her;
r;;:;i-;But I knew damn well;
^*:She lied like hell,
■3*5 »>* *%
$iMjfo I '-jumped right in-behind her/i
5V<*&
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Oh, she riddltd an* aho diddlad, and she that on tha floor,
ft
And who wipad hor arao an tho^nob of tho door,
And tho noon ohown down on tho end of hor titf
And aha bruahod htr tooth with bluo-bird ohit* ;
AW
7nr7f
A song *a«fcitlod~ *
"It «ay hawo boon hard for hit f irat four vires,
but its awfully ooft for ao»"
THE SWIMMERS, £f*^
There was an old man at Byiffitea la?t year,
Whose hobby was swimming around the1 Pier,
He dove and he swam way out to the rock*,
And amused all the ladies by shaking his
Fist at the oopper who stood on the shore9
The very same copper who pulled him before*
They pursued in/small l>oats, but were unable to pass
For the thrifty old rascal would then show his
Wondrous manoeuvres in swimming so finef
His wonderful muscles before and behind.
This man had a sister at-Brighton last yearf
Those hobby was swimming around the same pier.
She dove like a dog and swam like a duck
And showed by her motions she knew how to
Frolic in water quite up to her chin,
And not be drowned as so many have been*
Her suit of blue serge was the finest of fits,
And showed to advantage the swell of her
Tidy contour from her head to her f$etf
•Twas just the right thing and exceedingly neat*
When tired of swtaning, for shells she would hunt,
And go through the motions of wishing her
Clothes in the ocean so deep and sc blue,
Thinking thereby she would make them look new*
When tired of swinming, for shore she would start,
And enjoy the strange pleasure of letting a
Fresh swell roll over her dainty toes
And wash the sand from off her hose*
There was an old faxmer who sat on a rock,
Watching the little boy play with his
Marbles and cronies in the springtime of yore,
TShen his little companion was a great big fat
Decent young lady, who sat on the grass j
*-----^ »
And ^toen she rolled over, showed the shape of her
U^j ^J
Shoes and her stockings,which fitted her like a.duck
She said she was learning a new way to
Bring up her children and teach them to knit
While the boy in the pasture was taking a
Pretty little girlie down to the crick
TShsre he said her would show her the length of his
Eowboat, which was anchored down by the falls,
On the way down he slipped and he injured his
Finger and he cursed like a Jew*
He wished he had a gun with which he could hunt
And started out on the trail of a
Babbit, wfcich bounded away over the sod,
You may think this is bull-shit, but it isnft, by God.
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SEB GAY CAVAIUBRIO.
There pnoe lived a gay young Lothario,
Who dwelt in a far-off oastillio;
Who was stuck on his tra-la-la-lillio
And the works of his tweedle-dum-dee.
One ni^it he went to the theatrio 9
And met there a charming senorio f
He showed her his tra-la-la-liillo
And the works of his tweedle-dxam-dee.
nDisgusting11 oried out the senorio,
"For I am the Virgin Clarlssio,
I've no use for your tvm-la-la-Illlio
Or the works nof your tweedle^-dum-dee*"
He took her to his oast 11 lio,
And laid her upon a soft pillio,
And he showed her his tra-la~la-lillio
And the works of his tweedle-dum-dee*
"Delightful" oried out the senorio,
,f!Ehough I am the virgin Clarlssio,
I am stuck on your tra-la-la-lillio
And the works of your tweedle^um-dee*"
Then he went to see the dootorio,
Who said "You1^ got the siffilio,
In your handsome tra~la-la~lilllo
And the works of your tweedle^um-dee."
Now he sits in his far-off oastilliof
, With a handful of cotton battilio,
Swabbing off his tra-la-la-lillio
And the works of his teedle-dum-dee.
d^Jrv^ . I^tf WS>
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T-_t -u- £~~ ^^ ~ f7^_ ^ e^-^
T rA^^~ir r- rL -^-<^ rn
U^k, UW.-K. f~~t -fr-'tw*^
Fire in the- mountain, snfctee—la-tfee-grass .
~J2 <y"^
I'm mighty rooty for a piece of
0, teILmeJ^ow long.jjijiufT^altfr
Can I ^f£€you now, or must I hesitate?
Whiskey "by the tot tie t oof fee Tjy the pound,
Can't lay up a nickel for whorJUaround.
0* telLrme, how long rausi I wait?
Can I ^^Vou now or must I hesitate?
Ashes to ashes, and dust to dust,
If women don't get you, liquor must*
0f Itllme^ow longlnust I wait?
Can I g$£yo\x now or must I hesitate?
Honey for breakfast9 and honey for tea,
But honey in bed is what appeals to me«
0f telLme, how long mast I wait?
Can I gsST^QU now or must I hesitate?
Belly to belly, and skin to skin,
Iwo things a-ru!Miinf and one go in* In.
0, telLjae, how long must I wait?
Can I ^3^-ou fcow or must I hesitate?
Ridin1 in the saddle, givin1 her the gourd,
Biggin9 in the short rows,/!** l^Lord.
0, tell me, how long must I wait?*
Can I get you now or must I hesitate?
OJtT'JUl oU y*~ ^^'^-o) kJLA ^* \orJ^ ******
wthmmim
Nigger Blues. 2
Ashes to ashes, ,
And dust to dust,
tfr*^
If it wasn't for our ass*holes
Our bellies would bust*
Belly to belly,
With my ass-hols to the sun,
Ootta swing a mean prick
To make my baby con©.
I pusheoSyhelr back
Against tnal wall,
And her coolie flew open
Like a red/parasol.
Takes a barrel of water
To make an engine run,.
Takes a baby elephant
To aake ay sweety come.
A nicKlefs worth of cold cream,
A dimes worth of lard,
Vaseline your coozie
Till my cock gets hard.
fas belly to belly
When I jumped and I farted
And that• s how the trouble
All got start***
Filled her
Right up to
First we had
And now we m
If I had a woman
And she wouldnH fuck,
I'd knock out hernfeeth
And aake her suck*
Down in the barnyard
Saw a cow eating hay.
Sa^uthe cow's sweet daddy
Ancr went away.
You ^ot the jelly
An* 1 ept the it>ll,
Lets put *am together
And make sweet jelly-ix>ll«
mP
Nigger Blu«s,3
^t- &*
Thar*** two kinds of people
I can't undorstand,
That s the cock-auckin \noaan
And the cunt-lapping osan*
If my body's a church
And my packer's the steeple,
I'll hang by my balls
To accomodate the people*
Oh, I atat the lieutenant,
Hor the lieutenant's son,
But I'll handle your privates
Till the lieutenant comes*
3 oaa* ^ *>vo
Oh, X'im wet ^ttai icetaan,
Nor &tm Iceman's^ so#,
But iMmm fillip your box
Till the iceman comes.
Oh, I aant the admiral,
Nor the adnirali eon,
But I can give yoV semen
Till the admiral somes.
Oh, I aint a korman,
Nor a korman's son,
But wheb it comes to booty,
I'm a second Brigham Young.
kamma runs a whore house,
Papa tends the door, ■ ' . •
Little bmther Willie
Licks the gizm off the floor.
kother's on the poor farm, rr
Father's in the jail,
Brother runs a cat hous^i
And Sister peddles tail.v
kother takes in washing,
Papa drires a hack,
Brother sells bootleg,
And Baby pulls his jack.
kother's in the hospital,
Father's in the jail, j n
Sister's in ^^^^ijr^^
fhera she has it -f«^sale»
There's snakes on tha mountain,
And eels in the sea,
s a red headad woman
kade a wreck out of ate.
Ajtc&
'I
"M
ir *
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Nigger Blues. ^dUififtrrttuai (Jr^
Ashes to ashas
And dust to dust,
If I donft get some booty
ky psekar will rust.
Cho*
0ht Honey,BOf long
Have I gotta wait!
^^ Or must I hesitate!
Belly to belly
And chin to chin,
Open up your legs
And let your daddy in*
konsy is money9
I love it eoawhow.
Booty is booty
If it's hung on a cow*
A fist full of teat$
And a mouth full of tonguev
Takes a long peck©red daddy
To make his baby come.
Belly to belly
And skin to skin,
Old maids try fuckin',
But nothin goes in.
Baby, stop yo bawlin9
Honey, hush yo cryin,
Daddy's got a peter .
keasures three by nine»,
Old fashioned fuckin
•s a thing of thf past.
If ya wanna keep yer sweety,
Y' gotta kiss fer ass.
A bowl full of suger,
A spoonful of salt,
If I don't get my booty
It * s my own damn fault.
If all the booty
Wae across thv sea,
It's a damn fine swimmer
I'd surely be.
If the ocean wag whiskey,
And I was a duck,
I'd dire to the bottom
And never come up.
3 t
I went down home about four o'clock, \
I knocked on the door and the door was\locked|
I went to the window hut when I peeked \in
A hlg buck nigger was a-easing it in j
To my baby, To my baby -_^_y
Into my babyf and i^AHr^l^^t^
Baby, babyf have you forgot
The nig*bt I humped you In the vacant lot?
I backed your ass up against the fence
And youfve been taking it ever since •
That1 s no lief babyf that's no liet babef
You've been taking itf thatfs no lie.
Qua4L5 ' H
ountain Song}
Apples in the cupboard ,
Peaches on the shelf,
I Vm damned tired
L*A$ -w, 0' sleeping by myself. -y {^J
a^y^ -—r - *
Birds on the mountain
Fishes in the sea,
Takes a big-legged woman,
2o make a fool of me**
—>
Possums in the high wood,
Babbits on the flat,
Ity coelc1^ a-stiokinf out
For a place to hang my hat*
m hell is the Devil,
And in Heaven, God,
Jesus Christ knows I need
Some tallow on my rod#
Coons in the cornfield,
On the ridge is dee.rf
Old woman came by,
'^7'Eadn,t fucked in forty year*
Yaller birds is yaller,
Black birds is black,
Little girl came by,
Warn't old enough to crack.
Laurel on the mountain,
On the bottom is grass,
Ifll catch me a tom-cat
Run my pecker up his ass*
drv-*^
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tU, -j&~^y» 7&>y£? /sL^,
^JX^.S^>
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4~ U_/s*rvA**-
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SHE BLEWI
She engineer was at the throttle,
She blew, she blew*
She engineer was at the throttle, ;
She blew, she blew,
The engineer was at t>e throttle,
Jerking off In a whiskey bottle,
And away she blew, the son of a bitoh she blew*
The fireman he was shoveling oOal,
She blew, she blew*
The fireman he was shoveling coal,
She blew, she blew.
She fireman he was shoveling ooal,
A red-hot cinder flew up his ass-hole,
And sway she blow, the son of a bitoh, she blew.
The brakeman was a-olsaning the lamps,
She blew, she blew*
She brakeman was a-eleaning the lamps,
She blew, she blew,
Tiit* brakeman was a-elesning the lamps,
And all of a sudden he shit in his pants,
And away she blew, the sen of a bitoh, she blew.
The switchman forgot to turn the switch,
She blew, she blew,
The switchman forgot to turn the switch,
She blew, she blew.
The switchmen forgot to turn the switch,
And the train ran over the son of a bitch,
And away she blew, the son of a bitoh, she blew.
^Ihe porter was making up a berth,
She blew, she blew,
The porter was making up a berth,
She blew, she blew.
The porter was making up a berth,
Fucking a whore for all he was worth,
And away she blew, the son of a bitch, she blew.
The mail man was sorting out the mail*
She blew, she blew,
The mail man was sorting out the mail,
She blew, she blew,
The mail man was sorting out the mail,
And tearing off a piece of tail,
And away she blew, the son of a bitch,she blew.
The hobo he fall off the struts,
She blew, she blew,
The hobo he fell off the struts9
She blew, she blew,
The hobo he fell off the struts,
And 49 oars ran over his nuts,
And away she blew, the son of a bitch, she blew.
The baggageman sitting on a truck,
She blew, she blew,
The baggageman sitting on a truck,
She blew, she blew,
The baggageman sitting on a truck,
He and his girl, playing stlok-flnger-up,
And away she blew, the son of a bitch, she blew.
$he conductor was sitting in the can,
She blew, she blew,
The conductor was sitting in the can,
She blew, she blew,
The conductor was sitting in the can,
And when he came out he was less of a man,
And away she blew, the son of a bitch, she blow*
The agent was, a lazy mi ok,
She blew, she blew,
The agent was a layy mi ok,
She blew, she blew,
The agent was a laay mi ok,
Stamped the checks with the end of his prick,
And away she blew, the son of a bitch, she blew*
The president sat in his private car,
she blew, she blew,
The president sat in his private oar,
She blew, she blew,
The president sat in his private oar,
Squirting semen wide a^d far,
And away she blew, the son of a bitch, she blew*
The secretary was a dirty our,
She blew, she blew,
The secretary was a tlrty our,
She blew, she blew,
The secittary was a dirty our,
He fucked the fair stenographer,
And away she blew, the sen of a bitch, she blew*
The dining oar crew were all in a heap,
She blew, she blew, v
The dining oar brew were all in a heap,
She blew, she blew,
The dining oar orew were all in a heap,
For tail was dear but ass was cheap,
Andxaway she blew,the son of a bitch, she blew*
V
/
The Newlyweds, in lower nine f
She blew, the blew,
The Kew3ywe<Uf in lcwrer nine,
She blew, she blewf
She Newlyweds, in lower ninef
Were tip to their necks in steaming brine,
And gray she blow, the son of a bitch, she blew*
The old lady sat in the Pullman oar,
She blew, she blew,
The old lady sat in the Pullman oar,
She blew, she blew,
The old lady sat in the Pullman oar,
A-fuoking herself with a coupling bar,
And away she blew, the son of a bitch, she blew.
The drummer lay in the upper berth,
She blew, she blew,
The drummer lay in the upper berth,
She blew, she blew,
The drummer lay in the upper berth, .
A-flogging hi» dummy for all he worth,
And away she blew, the sx>n of a bitch, she blew*
The engineer expeoted a wreck,
She blew, she blew,
The engineer expected a wreck,
She blew, she blew,
fhe engiMMT expected a wreck,
And he shit his pants olear up to the neck,
And away she blew, the son of a bitwh, she blew*
1Lik*d*.
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doto ik -aBs jugmca Yi^Lfflf.
0A-v
'Swas a stomy winter's eveilingf
And the boys were gathered round,
Ihe glowing stove in Murphy's place
rj?hat was called the 'Hole in the Ground*.
When in there drifted a hobo*
A ragged and unkempt chap,
With the marks of dissipation,
Written all over his map.
"Don't stare at me,bartender,
I didn't shit on your seatf
I've just come down from the mountains,
With ny balls all covered with gleet/'
it tjjwas down in the Lehigh Valley,
% and rcy old pal, Lu, ^f
We were pimps there for a whorehouse, Uy*1**'^
And ?*§** god damn good ones too*11
'•I had a girl named Eellie,
She wasn't so awfully toughf
But_ I had a disease of the kidneys,
Andr couldn't give her enough*'1
"When along came a^oity felltr^)""
One of those oily~assed fiends,
The kind who'd stick his plunger,
In a dish of pork and beans•••
'•Bartender, he drenched my fieliie -
He kissed it and stole her away -
Ihat's what drove me to drink, boys,
And that's why I'm here today*"
} +"^ '
An
"So, give me a drink, bartender,
.d I'll be on n$r way,
r|©r~Illl catch the runt
What stole jmr cunt,
If it takes~?ill Judgment Day.1"
7
Judgement pay,
Girt ras a drink, Bartandar, v
Two stoats I have in my pants*
Jssus Christ AJUaij uty!
Can't you gi a. burn a chanca?!
For I was ones young and handsome,
fconsy to bur:: and good clothes,
•A
Till I took to lap, ing cunts,
And got chanor** *H my »oss»
Twas down in the JUhigh Vallsy,
k* and ray pal Lou. yf[
T&sr* ws piiapsd for a who*r* house,-
And a Gbd d&ratd good ons, too*
Twas there I mst my Hslli*. ,
bujj^Jj
She had just turned twenty six,
>•
And than* wasn't a broad in tha Vallev , f*k*~l a
Who could beat har sucking pricks. f\ *~ r ^J f<'^
£----""^V ~~*
But along cams a brfcss*band actor*
Aa4-4»s stols^zaiy#H-awayJ k n \
/V*^JS
irt~-I -11 -gat tfca-runt ~#fa^ at o-l* ay ctmt 0
H it tak*»-tiU~Jud^aia»Mt Day! >, \ \yc „
,
• i "
8
It's juat a yoelr Am by ^ ^ ,| '
^" ?ja^~
Sinco my N«li got tak«n wrong. ■ ^ f" . A/P^* ^ *^
Ho shovsd it up Ar bung-holo, (^jt ^'^V r U&v<U /
A placo *hor« it don't bolong.
$*ofc to hor aothor's arms aha flow,
Back to har mother1g tsats, *,
There aha carat down with the diart^ea, ^
And died of the raring shita.
Shit! You aJ^uld hjiy* seen it?
By the st<^mi4g ton it flew.
She*flooded the/4Df high Valley,
And we lired ^pn diarrhea stew!
So give sia a drink, Battender",
And Ifll bo on my way,
And I'll get the runt who stole my cunt
If it takes till Judgement Day!
MUMS
Just a little mireery rhyfc(ie;
0hf the cunt ie a wonderful creature,
It 8s eov*red all over with hair*
It smell■ like as rotten toaato,
And looks like the ar?e of a fcear.
Let trie sit down end rest stranger.
My balls are all covered with gleet,
Donft offer me sponge cake and ice cream,
I didn't shit on that seat*
It was down in the Lehigh valley,
Me and my brother Lew,
We were pimping for a flesh factory
And we were damn good ones too.
I got stuck on a bladder called Fanny,
And she whar clean out of sight,
She could ruck like a mink in the daytime
And suck to a finish at night•/_
Ifc^s the same old story stranger,
There came a city chap,
Qxie of those oily assed fiends,
Who'd been rolling his bludgeon in Bostoi
Where they feed them pn pork and beans,
&
She watf the pride of
the^velley
ArdJ'a'cLandy flyer
Jut
fe
c
C He war the guy
Young, and had
Why his ballr
OU.
for my
lots of tin,
were as big as your
a
% I had brighfcs
disease in, my kid-
$ neys
And couldn't satisy
r\
her.
hat, stranger
■^
And he d a prick like a coupling pin#
\ Sheygot stuck on his game gid my JPewH^,
<vA**he played his cards so neat
/That in six months she was back in the valley
(Crawling ag8in at my feet%
She told me as hen he had left her,
Left her with a bottle of Zip
And she took a dose from the bastard,
The guy with the syphlis lip
( She told me as how he had sold her,
\ Sold her for what she had brung,
HAnd when she got worse she got shankers
I All over her mouth and her tongue•
Well I must be going stranger,
I!ve nothing more to say,
But I111 find the runt, that stole my cunt
If it takes me till judgment day,
-£ Ms
ThOU by"****-
* i
Cowboy 8oag^
Oh, I juaped on my horee 9 and X rode around the herd,
.' ■ And Tate my dinner off an old cow
terd,
.V-'- - "• " ' ? " "
. ,V-; '.■''■ l' .'■■ ' ' '
* '>"" ' ' . - '
I vent to the boas to got my pay roll,
And I galloped down town to got eoise tallow on ay pole*
Which oeeat to be all of that*
Another*
0hf I fucked her standing ,
And I fucked her lieing,
And %t V$ had wing*
I'd have fucked her flying*
' . ., v, - "
;
Ob, I took her by the hand,
And | spun her all around, [ fi %
' - And I fucked her seren
timer
' . Before vehe hit the ground.
j 7 'J }
0hr I took her by the hand, \T >y()
And I laid her in the grant, ^ >. >>, J
And I raomed ten inche* ,A \ *\s
Up her daamad old ate* . N
\< ". ■ ' '. <fr-A . ■
Oh, I wouldn't fuck a nigger* ,
*f ■ ' ■ •
•
I'll be daaned if I would*
Their hair* all kinky,
And their cunt *• no gDOd* "^
>'-■<■...
V^AXU^w «
-■V ">
il^i BIH(HUN(H)00»
I met * girl the other night
She surely was a lovely sight, \ jL'^^Au^ T^ X&M**'
t gave her hugs and 1dss?s toof \ v v
And/tried to feel her Ring~dang-*doo«\ iyU/i/*'^
CHOHUS:
Oh, Ring-d*ng~dad, ,oh, what is that?
Soft and round like a pussy oat9
Soft and round and split in two?
WhMt thatf she said, is my Etng-dang-doo*
She took me down into her cellar*
And said I was a damned fine feller*
She gave me wine and whiskey too,
Arad let me play with her Ring-Dang-Doo*
CHORUS: • . • . ..:."•■. •
She laid her down upon her bed,
And put a pillow Jneath her head,
She toofc my oock-a-doodle~doo ,
And slipped it in her Ring-dang-doo*
CHORUS • •••••.. ■•■ •
The $tzzum ctoe ikst like a floon,
The bedolothe^/hey were soaked with blood*
I screwed her )bwice and she came,too,
A^xd washed tM' kood from her Ring-dang~doo. *
CHORUS; •••••»••••
We tried it lying on the floor L SI
And-; standing up behind the doori T /^
And tried it up-side.down-side,too; \
I couldn*t quit diddling her Ring-dang-dooJ
CHOHUS: • • . .......
Her mother daid: tfYou god-damned fool,
He broke your hymen-with his tool,
So pack your kit and then ski do o,
And go to hell with your Ring-dang-do o«
CHORUS;
So now she is a dirty whore
With a paintsd sign above the door;
Two dollars «8^a^d two bits too,
To take a crack at her Ring-dang-doo«
/
CHORUS^......... . •
The years went "by and Ring-lteng-Doo,
Xaftght nloe young fellows how to screw,
One dollar cash, six Wts will do f
To rake a oraok at Ring-Uaag-Doo* J ^JthA^^^
Two stray vers*s of Lydia pinkhanu
Little fillie had diabetis,
And be couldn't pise at all,
So he drank a bottle of Compound*
Now he98 a human waterfall,
Cho.
Sing,0 sing of Lydia Pinkham,
Savior of the Human Race!
For she invented her Vegetable Compound
Now the papers all publish her face.
kary Whiffle had no children,
Oh, she had no child ut all,
Till she drank ten bottles of Compound,
Now she has one every Fall.
Cho.
mm m*§
Stray verses of Lulu.
ky Lulu's tall and slender,
ky LUlu's long and thin*
Oh, I found her down behind the barn
Jacking off with a rolling-pin.
ky Lulu* long and slender,
ky Lulu's tall and thin*
But when she spreads her legs apart
You could drive four horses in*
Arot her at ray rer se o f Lulu•
I wish I was the nipple,
Upon my Lulu9* tout,
And evdry time the baby sucked,
Pd fill him full of shit*
Another*
by Lulu rode a motor-bike,
And hit a telegraph pole.
And ran it seven feat of more
Right up her dam ass-hole.
Still more.
Lulu saw a football game*
The fullback kicked a punt.
They lost the ball for half an hour,
Then found it up her cunt.
A tramp stood on the doodstep
With a cock like a piece of hose/
He asked my Lu to suck it off,
And blow it thru her nose.
Enough of that.
There -/as an old woman from Spain,
Who had a terrible pain.
So she climbed up the mast
And uncovered her ass
*nd blew up the battle ship kaine.
LULU* J»C-
I had a girl nam&d Lulu,
She was a fairy queen,
With deep blue eyes and a Roman nose
4pd an asshole painted green*
Chorus f
Ob, bang away at Lulu I
Bang away good and strong!
For who's going to do your hanging
Vhen Lulu? a dead and gone*
I wish I we* a pisspot, beneath my Lulufe bed,
i»d every time she took a pee, Ifd see her maidenhead.
• A**
sAi&d.
The rioh girls thd^ u^b tas^neJtthe yooV girlsv they use lard,
But Lulu\usea axle\gre^\^d^ange fe^ ju^t djt Hard.
r^
Irla
ir^rawers, the poor
Wepi
she Keeps
drawers are plain,
r ass*
Lulu went out walking, cam back to where she star ted f
She tried to sit to taks a shit but all ahd did waa farted*
Lulu went out wm&ng, a Ariedd she ohanoed^o pee**
He saidr ••now ar^ y4pr owakesV* Sbe^idd^ »3todl$wfa y0ur as*?"
I took my Lulu to the engine house, the engine run by steam,
A red-hot coal flew up her hole and burned her magazine*
I took my Lulu to the circus, the animals for to seet
rs Ihe-~*lapha&4rg$t^^ she wouldn9t come home with me*
I took fay Lulu to plak kmeVgolf, ^e Certainly had fan,
We lost the ball, but^n\^e\roijgb yym^ie^ hole in one*
Lulu got at res ted, ten dollars was the fine,
But Lulu said to the damned old Judge* "7ake it out of this ass
of mine*"
Lulu had a baby, **-4*ka-4Kwm~^^a^
Sfce^^&enV^i^eel^
^^SLxk went to ohurc&AoMdd^ ^ the
steeple..
fcjp^ She pulled her littlV/p&rtl*^ on
the people,
\A^\X^<\ of a11 ^la0b¥k8$8 ^^v^^&^LJ^6Bf Itd
***&** be a boar,
&+°^ * At every^fij^^^ and
some times three or four*
I took my Lulu for a walk, I said wefd pick some flowers,
Her little brother earns along and so we picked some^ flowers*
Cu^jji
2 U^v&Ji SI (Arm ^L^-4^«vk_/! ,
/ . —
£*h.
(M-pu~
0
fr U X tT * ^L/t^<^X-
There was a girl named Lulu,
Who lived in a country town,
She tried to Keep her reputation up
But &he couldn't keep her dresses down*
Chorus t
So bang away for Lulu,
Bang away good and strong,
Whatcha' go in1 t1 do for bangin'
When Lulu's dead and goneI
Rich girls wear the fancy drawers,
And poor girls wear the plain,
But my Lulu has no drawers at all,
And gets there just the same*
Chorus.......♦
Bich girls they use cold cream,
And poor girls they use lard,
But my Lulu uses axle-greasef
And hits them twice as hard*
Chorus • ....♦*•
She rich girl's watch is made of gold,
Ihe poor girl's is made of "brass,
My Lulu has no watch at all,
Her movement's in her ass*
Chorus . • •.....•
Some girls they fuck back and forth,
And some fuck round and round,
ISy Lulu does the figure eight
And mver hits the ground*
Chorus * * • ......
UIU»
VW
{ggn^fnuadl
I wish I Was a diamond ring,
Upon my mitt's hand, ^J^
And every tkime she wiped her *#* 9
I'd see the promised land*
Chorus* . .
For she was a Luluf every inch a Lulu
Lulu, that little girl of mine.
I wish I was A thunder~mugf
Beneath ny lulu's ootf ^^
And every time We'd take a pH
I'd see that lovely twat.
Chorus
(Still another form bf IXW.i
Lulu had a baby,
She set it on a rook/
She wanted to call it M&\
But it had a little ooc
Chorus
For she was a Lulu, every inch a Lulu,
Lulu that little girl of mine*
Lulu had a be^by,
It's name was Sunny Jim,
She put him in the piss got,
To see if he could swim.
Chorus
He swsm around the bottom.
• Ee swam around the top,
fill Lulu got exoited and
Grabbed him by the cook.
Chorus
[MS,on back of preceeding typescript page]
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'vA_
One moonligit night while Nellie lay a-sleeping
One moonlight night while Nellie lay a-sleeping
Along cam a corporal on his hands and knees a-oreeping
With his finny dong doodle hanging down to his knees •
Three months had passed and Sal lie lay a-weeping
Three months had passed and Nellie lay a-weejping
Bemoaning the fact that her lover came a-oreeping
With his finny dong doodle hanging down to his knees•
Six months had passed, Nellie grew mucjr bigger
Six months had passed, Nellie grew much bigger
And eve'rone wondered who the hell had frigged her
With his finny dong doodle hanging down to his knees*
Nine months had passed and Nellie hurst asunder
Nine months had passed and Nellie hurst asunder
And out stepped a corporal with his regimental number
On his long finny dong doodle hanging down to his knees,
Tha Vif» of tna fcan Who Had Ho Balls At All
Coae all you aaidans and listan awhila,
And 1*11 sing you a song that will maks you all smila,
A song of a aaidan so fair and so tali
Who aarriad a man who had no bails at ail.
Cho.-
fHATf No balls at all!
MO! Ho bails at all,
Oh, tha wifa of the man who had no balls at all!
Tha night of tna wadding sha jusipad into bed,
Hdr chdaics they ware rosy, her lips thay wara rtd,
Sha fait for his panis, his panis was small,
Sha fait for his bails, hs had no balls at all.
Cho. with via.
Sha cr4ad to her iuothar,,,I wish I was daad!
No raliaf can I find for ay poor midan-haad,
Oh, I n3?ar can have any pleasure at all,
For Ifvo aarriad a aan who ha^ no balls at all!
Cho.
"Now, daughtar, daar daughter, don't fael so damn bad,
Just do with your husband as I did with your dad.
Thera*s many a fallow will answar tha call
Of xh$ wife of tha aan who hap no balls at all."
Cho.
HO BALLS AT ALU
Listen my children, come listen a while
I111 tell you a story that will mafce you all smile,
About a young lady, so graceful and tallf
Who married a man who had no balls at all«
What, no "balls at all?,
Yes, no balls at all J
She married a man who had no balls at all*
The very first night when she hopped into bed
Her lips they were hot and her -cheeks they were red,
She felt for his cock and his cook it was small,
She felt for his balls and he had no balls at all*
What, no balls at all?
Yes, no ballsat all!
She felt for his balls; he had no balls at all*
Mother, Oh I Mother, the poor lady said,
I have no relief for ray poor maidenhead*
My trouble are great, ray pleasures are small,
For I've married a man who has no balls at all*
What, no balls at all?
Yes, no balls at all I
For I've married a man who has no balls at all*
Da4$iter, dear daughter, pray donft be so sad,
Just do to your husband as I did to .your dad,
There is many a man who will come at first call,
To help out the man who has no balls at all*
HER MAN*
, // /
Frankie and Johnny were lovers,
Oh n$r God, how they could love,
They swore to be true to each other,
As true as the stars abovef~
But he was her man
And he done her wrong*
-... ^
/
Frankie she lived in a cri|r house,
A orijp house with only two doors,
She gave all her money to Johhny,
Who spent it on parlor house whores f-
And he Tims her man
What done her wrong*
Frankie she was a good girl,
As all the neighborhood knows,
She gave to Johnny a hundred dollar bill
Just to buy himself some clothes -
And he was her man,
What done her wrong*
One ni^xt when Frankie was lonely,
And nobody came to call,
She put on a dirty kimona
And went down to the nickel drawl
She was lookin* for her man
Who was do in1 her wrong*
0hf Frankie went down to the corner
Just to buy herself a beer,
She said to the big bartender,
"Has my lover named Johnny been here?
I'm lookin1; for the man,
Whatfs doin* me wrong*"
(Bartender speaks) "Well* Iuain't gonna tell you no stories,
And I ain9t gonna tell you no lies,
But Johnny was here fbout an hour ago
With that high yeller Nelly Bly*11
"God damn his soul,
Hefs a~dealin» it cold*11
HER MAN* (continued)
Oh* Frankie went down to the hop-joint,
Shis time it wasn't for fun9
Underneath her dirty kimona,
She had a big forty-four gun*
To shoot the man
Who was do in1 her wrong*
And when she reached the hop-joint,
And she looked in the window so high,
There she saw Johnny a-sitting
Finger~fuckinf Nelly Bly«
The son of a bitch,
He was cheatin1 the game*
Frankie she knocked at the hop-joint,
And she rang the hop*joint hell,
She yelled "Clear out,all you whores and pimps,
Ifm goin* to blow aqy lover to hellf
God burn his balls,
Hefs a-doin1 me wrong*11
Johnny heard Frankie a-cominf
And yelled '♦Oh, my, donft shoottM
But Prankie she pulled her forty-four gun -
Five time - Root,-toot-tooty-toot-toott
ght into the man /
/Z
Who had done her wrong. dplcyu? ^ slK**
Right into the man
wronf
(Johnny speaks in agony)
u0hf roll me over gently,
Boll me over slow,
Roll me over on roy right side,
So the bullets won't hurt me so -
For I was your man
Ihough I done you wrong**
HER HAN* L d (oont inued)
"Oh^ roll up your rubber-tired hearses,
Hearses all lined in black,
Take me out to the oemetary,
And you'll nearer, never, never bring me back -
Oh, I was your man
And ______ _ _____
WCbO ,/UUi 1UCUJL I a^S Q
I done you wrong." ^ ^^f ^ ^f
(Frankie laments*)
"Oh, look me up in the dungeon,
And throw the fuckin' key away,
I've gone and killed my lover Johnny,
And I don't want to live another day ■
Oh, Ifve killed my man
Who dona me wrong*lf
But the Sheriff said "Frankie, don't worry,
I guess it was all for the best,
He was always pimping and Coring around,
Myr Sod, he was an awful pest ~
And he was your man
And he done you wrong*11
And the judge he said ,fIiOOka here, Frankie,
This case is plain as can be,
You went and shot your lover Johnny
So it's murder in the first degree -
You killed your man
Who'd been do in' you wrong*"
Frankie said "Judge, I'm sorry
For all that's come to pass,
But I never shot him in the first degree -
I shot him in the big fat ass -
For he was ray man
And he done me wrong*"
mm*
(continued)
Frankie now tits la the parlor,
Underneath the 'leotrioffmt
Warning her little grand-daughtera
11 Beware of the God-damned man -
Yesf he'll do you wrong *
Juftt as sure as you're born."
1IUJ f^r1 IT •*U-J>"- ^^
Y
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~~yt^ >J»-».>^l.-w i-v—-
V^ J**. r -°^—*o
TcivOaOu.
•«_
A*
WJ^>
e a^^a—jEw*^
rwv--**-
"Tj^*
^l_*—< 1T^C
^^sy^.
\^*~f
THE SONG Oi? 3HIME.
'Ave you *eard of Sally Pecker,
flotim of a rich roan1 a. whim?
First fe fad fer, then fe left »er,
lioin* to *ave a child by f izp»
See fiip sittin* hon fis forse there,
Get tin'1 ready for the funt,#
While the victim of'1 is passion
Scratches crabs from hoff fer cunt.
See • im sittin1 in the hopera,
In the front row of the pit,
While the little girl fe rained
Drudges *ome through piles of shi$#
In »er •umble littie cottage,
There's a byby must be fed,
And when gent's is Uniting pleasxire,
Then she takes hit in the *ead.
Itfs the cime the whole world hover,
Itfs the poor wot tikes the bliroe,
Itfs the rich wot takes it's pleasure,
Ain't hit all a bleedin1 shime?
THSU THE EET-HOLE IN THE DOOR.
I left her in the parlor,
*Twas shortly after nine,
And by some stroke of fortune,
Her room was next to mine.
Resplved, like old Columbus,
New regions to explore f
/I took a snug position, <
By the keyhole in the door.
And down upon the carpet,
I knelt upon one knee,
And waited there so patiently
So see what I bould see*
She first took off her collar
It fell upon the floor,
I saw her stoop to get it,
Thru the keyhole in the door.
And down upon the carpet,
• Oh, what a sight to see,
She raised her silken garments
Above each dimpled knee.
A pretty brigjxt blue garter
On each plump leg she wore,
Ohf what a glorious vision -
Thrji the keyhole in the door*
Fair Doris then proceeded
To doff her pretty dress
And then her undergarments
Some fifty, more or less.
To tell the truth sincerely,
There may have been a score,
Of course I couldn't count them
Thru the keyhole in the door.
She then went to the fireside,
Ear dainty feet to warm,
With nothing but her shimny-shirt
to hide her glorious fora.
Oh, please take off that shimny,
A»d I'll ask for nothing more,
Ye Godsl I waw her do it.*
Thru the keyhole in the door.
Then with my knuckles gently,
i rapped xg>o& the door,
And after much imploring
I crossed the threshold floor.
Fearing lest someone should see,
As I had seen beforef
I hung her little shimngr
O'er the keyhole in the door*
,-2-
Thru The Keyhole In The Door*
That night I swam in glory,
And something else besidesf
And on her snowy bosom
I had a joyous rids*
And in the morning early
Ify tummy was so sore
As if I had been going
For the Keyhole in the door.
—... ,j 77"
i^Jjdi- ■u*>f-u~ A^^^.
• *--------------------——........- - ~..........-; ......
kore song* f
Around hir mok she wort a yellow ribbon.
She wor* it in December, and in the month of ferny*
And when they asked her why the hell the wore it,
She eaid •twae for her lever whfc wae farf far away.
Cho.
Far away! Far away! 'Far away! Far away!
She eaid twae for her loror who was far, far away,
Around the block ehe pushed a baby carriage,
She pushed it in December, and in the month of feay,
And when they asked her why the hell she pushed it,
She eaid 'twas for her 10/wr who was far, far away.
Cho.
31
"Oh, no sirt" Mid shs,
*You*ra a strangsr to as,
Aad I foar you might do a* soao ham,
But for a tin dollar bill
Vo'll gp OTor that hill,
Aid wdlll wind up that littls ball of yam.-
Nov I|a sitting in the pit
With ay shirt tail full of shit,
Aad tho bod-bugs playing billiards with ay balls*
For tho cinchos aro ao thick
Froa ay ass~ho;o to ay dick,
That you cantot toll ay buttocks from ay balls*
Some old stuff*
You toll9sa9Soft Collar, I have a hard on*
You tell1**, Aaorioa, ^Jppptda you aado tho French safs*
You t*U9sa, Dswey, you made tho Spanish fly*
You toll 9sa Syphilis, and I'll clap*
You* toll*sa Pool Table, you9** got the balls.
You tall'sa, Flivvar, you9?* got ths nuts.
And so forth, and so forth*
MM
WWW
SOPJKEBK UOUKJAIK SOKQ*
In the merxy month of May,
When the dogs begin to play,
And the roosters chase the hens around the barn,
Says the jenny to the jack,
"Climb onto my back,
And wefll wind up that little ball of yarn*11
0h9 I went down into town,
And started lookln' round,
And I seen a gal that made my balls to yearn,
So I says "Gome with me,
And we'll lie fneath yonder tree,
And we'll wind up that little ball of yarn."
ifM*~~.
ii~fu<
o~
A SAILOR-BOY.
A sailor boy went out one night,
To get a bob tie of rum;
And he knocked, and he knocked, and he knocked , and he. knocked
But never a soul would come.
He beat upon the tavex^n door,
As if to wake the dead;
?,hen sudden he heard a RAT-A-TAT-TAT,
The RAT-A-TAT-TAT
In the chamber overhead. is pounded out
with glasses on X
"Gome up, come up, H the maiden said,' *
the table.
"And you and Ifll agree,
That Ifve the finest RAT-A-TAT-TAT
That ever you did seel1*
(and I forget the rest until the ending. . .
They found him" nursing his RAT-A-TAT-TAT
In the chamber overhead I
KB: This is an old favorite of 15-20 years ago at the
Columbia Crew Quarters at P'ksie. Maybe someone else
can fill the elisions.
And another fragment*. Tune: The Tie that Binas.
•'I'm tired, of pulling an oar,
I dont want to row any more;
Ifm tired of drilling
When I might be swilling
And lying dead-drunk on the floor♦
I'm tired of pulling an oar, -
I dont want to row any more;
I'm tirea of crewing
When I might be screwing
And lying in bed with a whore!
And maybe someone mill send in the Navy favorite, which escapes
me
from war-days in the USN :
"I'm goin' to build a cottage up in Kevport,
I'm goin' to build a cottage by the saa;
I'm goin' to show the boys that I'm a true sport,
Oh, skinny-ma-rinky-dinky-dinky-deel
Cho: Oh skinny-ma-rinky-dinky-DOO-(die-day)
Oh skinny-ma-rinky-dinky-dinky-dee..•.
I'm gonna show the boys thajt I'm a true sport,
Oh skinny-ma-rinky-dinky-dinky-dee!
WHISKEY JOHSHY*
. -\
Whiskey la the life of manf
Whiskey, Johnnyl
Ifll drink whiskey while I can,
Whiskey fop my Johnnyl
09 whiskey straight and whiskey strong,
Whiskey, Johnny I
Give me some whiskey and I111 sing you a songf
Whiskey for my Johnny I
0, whiskey makes me wear old clothes,
Whiskey, Johnny I
Whiskey gave me a broken nise,
Whiskey for my Johnnyt
Whiskey killed my poor old da%
- Whiskey, Johnny I
Whiskey druv my mother mad,
Whiskey for my Johnnyt
If whiskey oomes too near my nose,
Whiskey, Johnny!
I tip it up and down she goes,
Whiskey for my Johnjiyl
I had a girlf her tame was Llse,
Whiskey, Johnnyl
She puts whiskey in her pies,
Whiskey for my Johnnyl
Hy wife and I cannot agree;
Whiskey, Johnnyl
She puts whiskey in her tea,
Whiskey for my Johnny!
Hero comes the cook with the whiskey can,
Whiskey, Johnny}
A glass of grog for every man,
Whifitey for my Johnnyl
A glass of grog for every man,
Whiskey, Johnnyl
And a bottlefull for the ohanteyman,
Whiskey for my Johnayl
Blow The Man Down
As I was a~walking down Paridise Street,
To }rfe #ay-/(ye,#low the man down
A pretty young damsel I chanced for to meet
Give me some time to "blow tne man down
She was round in the counter and bluff in the "bow,
Ao I took in allsail and criedHWay enough now"
I hailed her in English ,she answered me clear,
"I'm from tne Black Arrow "bound to the Shakespeare" •
So I tailed her my flipper and took her in tow,
And yard-arm to yard-arm away we did go.
But as we were going she said unto me,
There's a spanking full-rigger just ready for sea,11
That spanking full-rigger to New York wps bound;
She was veey well mannen and very well found.
But soon as that packet was clear of the bar,
% e mate knocked me down with the end of a spar,
And as soon as tnat packet was out on the sea,
4Twas devilish hard treatment of every degree,
So I give you fair warning before we belayj
Donft never take heed of what pretty girls say,
PHBIK BBOWH. 2HS SAIXOIU
"Who's that Knocking at the door?11
Asked the fair ladet*
"Who's that knocking at the door?"
"Itfa Ephrim Brown, the sailor*"
••I'm undressed and in njy bed."
Said the fair ladee#
"Ifm undressed and in iiy bed."
Said the fair ladee.
"Two can sleep as well as one/1*
Said ]$phrim Brown* the sailor*
"Kien lift the latch and come right in"
Said the fair ladee*
"What's that hairy thing I see?11
Asked Ephrim Brown, the sailor*
•that's ny fairy pincushion."
Said the fair ladee*
"I have a pin that will just fit in.11
Said gphrim Brown, the sailor.
"I have a pin that will just fit in."
Said Ephrim Brown, the sailor*
"Oh, what if X should have a child?"
Asked the fair ladee.
"Ifd wring the son of a bitch's neck"
Said iJphrim Brown, the sailor.
"What if there should an inquest be?"
Asked the fair ladee.
"Twould be a damn bad thing for youi"
Said Ephrim Brown the sai lor.
"Mow stow your gab and spread your leg."
Said Ephrim Brown. the sai lor.
"While I slip in my JLong John peg."
Said Ephrim Brovm, the sailor.
[MS on otherside of preceeding typescript]
" ►'*0 ^ ^ ' -4-^ -*-
vp'
-TV
It was at a ball I met him*
He asked me for a dancef
I knew he was a sailor,
By the buttons on his pants.
It was in njymother's hallway,
That I was led astray,
It was in nay mother1 s bedroom,
Ihat I was forced to lay*
He laid me down so gently,
He raised my dress so high,
He said "% darling Nellie,
Wefll do it now or die**
Now all you gay young maidens,
Just take a tip from me,
And never let a sailor,
Get an inch above your knee.
Hefll kiss you and caress you,
Hefll swear he lovgs you true,
But' v/hen he*s got your cherry,
Hefll say "To-hell with you*"
When Z was Young And Hand soma. 2
All you girls take warning,
And head this tip from me,*
You must never let a sailor
Get an inch above your knee*
For he911 hug you and caress you,
And he* 11 swart to I*er be true,
But whan he's copped your cherry,
He'll say "To hell with you*11
And if you do believe him,
He'll leave you just like me,
With a bouncing little bastard
Abetting on Jour knee*
TSm SERVANT MAID'S IAMEKI*
When I was but a serving girl,
Way dow£ in New Orleans,
I had a mysterious happening,
That brought me to cqy shame*
I met up with a sailor, £/*u^e<
Who'd just came back from ^aat a »
Asd that was the beginning-, 0 &**<"> ^ urt^ * ^J^/^caaJT^
He asked me for a candle,
To light his way to bed,
He asked me for a handkerchief,
So tie around his head*
And like a foolish maiden,
Hot thinking it no harm,
I jumped into that sailor's bed,
2o keep him nice and warm*
He put his arms around me,
And kissed me there in bed,
Then, with his nine-inch Johnson bar,
He broke my maidenhead*
And early in the morning,
When that sailor boy awoke,
He reached into his pocket and
He handed me a note*
"You take this, my darling,
For the wrong that I have done,
For in nine months you1 re going to have,
A daughter or a son*"
"And if it is a little girl,
Just rock her on your knee,
But if it is a little boy,
Why, send him out to sea#tf
"With his bell-bottomed trousers,
And his jumper made of blue,
Let him climb up the masthead,
Like his daddy used to do*,r
Mow all ye pretty maidens,
A warning take from me,
Oh, never let a sailor put,
His hand above you knee*
I let a sailor do it once,
And you can plainly see,
He went away and left me with
A baby on my knee*
W ffOBEKE,
Oh, potatoes they grow small,
m Mobile,^ lk+£iX»
Oh, potatoes they grow small,
In Mobile,
Oh, potatoes they grow small,
And they dig them in the Fall,
and they eat^ them skin and all,
In Mobile*
**********
Oh, they chew tobacco thin,
In Mobile,
Oh, they chew tobacco thin,
In Mobile,
Oh, they chew tobacco thin,
*nd it leaks out on their chin,
And they lick it in again,
In Mobile*
**********
Oh, the eagles they fly high,
In Mobile,
Oh, the eagles they fly high,
In Mobile,
Oh, the eagles they fly high,
And they shit down in your eye,
Oh, I»m glad the cows^ion*t fly,
In Mobile. m
**********
Oh, the only cow is dead,
In Mobile,
Oh, the only cow is dead,
In Mobile,
Oh, the only cow is dead,
uo they milk the bull instead,
For the children must be fed,
In Mobile*
**********
Oh, they never wash the dishes,
In Mobile,
Oh. they never wash the dishes.
mm
JS KPBIIS* (continued)
Oh, there are not many who res %
In Mobile, a
Oh, there are not many whores,
In Motilef
0hf there are not many vfaores,
They fuck knotholes in the floors,
Ana the keyholes in the dqors,
In Mobile*
But the women-folks are prime,
In Mobile,
But the women-folks are prime,
In Mobile,
But the women-folks are prime,
You can screw them for a dime,
And they dose you every time,
In Mobile •
**********
JJ*
SAMUEL HALL*
Oh my name is Samuel Hall, Samuel Hall, Samuel hall
Ity name is Samuel Hall, Samuel Hall, Samuel Hall
}fy name is Samuel Hall, and I hate you one and all
You're a bunch of muckers all,
Damn your eyes, -blast yeur souls j bloody-bum
•$.)
For I killed a man 'tis said, so His said, so 'tis said
I killed a man , ftis said, so 'tis said, so 'tis said
I killed a man ,'tis said, and I left him there for dead
With a bullet through his head*
Damn his eyes, biast his amil, hleody bumr~
tt
&
Oh the Padre he did come, he did come, he did come,
The Padre he did come, he did come, he did corns,
The Padre he did come, and he looked so dog-goned glum,
When he talked of Kingdom come
Damn his iuwl, blast his soul,-dirty bum.—
eye*' *
The Sherriff he came too, he came too, he came too,
The Sherriff he came too, he came too, he came too,
The Sherriff he came too, and he brought his boys in blue
Oh they were a dirty crew*
i^Damn their eyes, .blast their ooula, dli lj «tomaa*
So they put me here in quod, here in quod, here in quod,
They put rae here in quod, here in quod, here in quod,
They put me here in quod, with a chain and iron rod
And I cant get out by God,
Damn their eyes, bla*4 ivhe 1 r ^s^aU^
So it's up the rope I go, up I go, up I go,
It's up the rope I go, up I go,up I go,
It's up the rope I go, and my friends all down below,
Saying, "gam I told you so#M
Damn their sey&s, Sjlaot -ttifl I ;■ 'jm11 a} dU ly 1."imu i.
to-
I saw Nelly in the >crowd,\in the crowd, in the crowd,
I saw Nelly ilk the ctowd, in the\crowcL in the crowd,
I saw Nelly in\he or^rd, an^ sheYooke^ so dog-goned proud
That I hollered right
"Damn your eyes bl
So let this be my knell, parting knell, parting knell,
Let this be my knell, parting knell, parting knell,
Let this be my knell, and I'll see you all in Hall,
i v And I hope you sizzle well,
H^Damn your eye a f r%ftgyfa--«w*i^ puis t d ir t v^bums -,.....
There was a friar,
Screwed a girl in o
He took her to, his
And put it to her,
He laid her on, h
And screwed her
And when the be
^e screwed her
eat renoun, (ii tiiaes
own. . . (3 times , fas t
£ory hall ( as above J
and all.
bed,. •
she was dead.
Js^ed "ameriV,
^ain!
- • ■ OM'E KIGKT, LATE IK AUGUST/
One night, late in August,,
Kary lay a-sleeping (repeat couplet)
When along came a corp'ral on his hands and knees acreeping,
With his long funny-doodle dangling
Way down to his knees.
When three months were over,
Mary fell aweeping (repeat)
She wept for the corp*ral on his hands and knees a creeping
With his long Sunny-doodle dangling
Way down to his knees.
When six months were over
Mary grew fatter (repeat)
And everyone wondered whothehell had.been at her
With his long etc. etc.
When nine months were over
Mary burst asunder (repeat)
And out jumped a kid with a regimental number
And his long funny-doodle etc. etc*
'-ft
r-&
There was a friar of great renown,
There w a friar of great renown,
And - he -
Married a girl in our town,
Married a girl in our town,
Married a girl in our town,
Hfc. hajf, ha, shhhhh.
He took her to the marriage hall,
He took her to the marriage hall,
And - he -
Fuoked her up against the wall,
Fuoked her up against the wall,
Fuoked her up Aga ins t the wal 1,
Ha, ha, ha, shhhhh.
Se took her to the marriage bed
He took her to the marriage bed
And - he -
Fuoked her until she was dea$
Fuoked her until she was dead
Fuoked her until she was dead
Ha, ha, ha, shhhhh.
They took her to the burial ground,
They took her to the burial ground,
And -■ he -
Swore he'd have another round,
Swore hefd have another round,
Swore hefd have-another round,
Ha, ha, ha, shhhhh.
The friars prayed from eight to ten
The friars prayed from eigfrt to ten
And - he -
Fuoked her baok to life again
Fuoked her baok to life again
Fuoked her baok to life again
Ha, ha, ha, shhhhh*
a
The Goat of Darbytown.
There was a goat of Darbytown,
He had two horns of brass,
And *>he grew out of the top of his head,
And the other grew out of his . • . •
(Chorus) Maybe you don*t believe me,
Maybe you think I lie,
But If you go down to Darbytown,
They'll tell you the same as I«
I
Now upon this goat of Darbytown,
The hairs they grew so thick,
That it took all the girls in Darbytown,
To find the end of his . ......
.pj
Maybe you donft believe me, etc. etc.
Now the man who owned this goat,
He wa$n»t so very rich,
But the man who sold it to him,
Was a regular son of a . •
Maybe you dont believe me, etc. etc<
Fond Wife, dear Wife.
A man came stumbling home one night as drunk as he could be,
He saw a hat upon the rack where his hat ought to be,
"Fond Wife, dear Wife, you son of a bitchf,says he,
"Whose hat is that hat where ray hat ought to !>e?,f
"You darn fool, you damn fool, you son of a bitoH,fsays she,
"It's nothing but a piss pot, as you can plainly see",
"Fond Wife, dear Wife, I»ve traveled o«er and ofer",
"But I've never seen a piss pit with lining in before."
]
One Summer*8 Day. ^ I ' ->
^VTZF* ?ay' *■» »*iWw
by,
In bed they lay He hwred a gi^
All decked in red and yellow. A si h of Bhame and g0
Two rosy lips, ^ pimply pink,
Two snow white hips, -Peared on hi. dink,
And, Oh the lucky fellow. There be more tomorrow#
(OVBR)
{_ OMUJ
[Typescript continued from front]
Some die of Drinking Whiskey.
Some die of drinking whiskey,
And some die of drinking beer,
Some die of diabetes,
And others diarrhoea,
But of all the damn diseases,
The one that I most fear,
Is the drip, drip, drip,
And the drop, drop, drop,
Of the God damn gonorrhoea*
QiqM<aV^^7
Every Race gets a Jag On,
The Irishman gets drunk on Whiskey,
The Englishman gets drunk on Ale,
Hot Sootoh makes the Scotchman frisky,
The Germans drink beer by the pail,
Opium makes the Chinee dopey,
Turkeys the hootchie kookehie do,
~1k* jl&fi&tegst drunk on any kind of boore,
Every race gets a jag on but the Jews,
/ -^
> V
to UJ YL -u^ 1 ^< *>^^(~< -t~l
BpULIOKIHG JOHH
Rollicking John came home one night,
As drunk as he could be,
saw a hat upon the rack
Where his hat ought to be*
fl0hf my dear wife, ny darling wifef
% faithful wife", said he,
"Whose hat is that upon the raok
Where my hat ougxt to be.*
''Oh, you old foolt you damn foolf
You son of a bitch," said she,
'♦That's only a fancy thunder-mug
% mother gave to rae»n
f,In all my travels f round the world,
2hen thousand miles or more,
A ribbon on a thunder-mug
I never saw before*
*************
Rollicking John came home one night,
As drunk as he could be,
And saw a head upon the bed-
Where his head ought to be*
"Oh, bqt dear wife, my darling wife,
Ity faithful wife,'1 said he,
"Whose head is that upon the bed
Where my head ought to be*"
"Oh, you old fool, you damn fool,.
You son of a bitch/* said she,
"Biat's only a fancy pumpkin,
Uy mother sent to me*11
"In all my travels • round the world,
Ten thousand miles or more,
Bed whiskers on a pumpkin
I never saw before**
BPIIiIGKINS JQHH> (continued)
Rollidking John oame home one night 9
At drunk as hi could bet
And saw a thing within a thing
Where his thing ought to be*
u0ht bqt dear wife, ny darling wife,
3^ faithful wife," said he,
"What Is that thing within a thing
Where my thing ought to beV1
"Oh, you old fool, you damn fool,
You son of a bitoh,* said she
"That's nothing hut a rolling pin
Uy mother sent to me*91
11 In all my travels • round the world,
Ten thousand miles or more,
Ballioks on a rolling pin
I never saw before^
iPHB 7/HOKSY CBEVif,
There were five whores from Hew Orleans,
Sipping their beer and wine,
And the only conversation was
"Your woof's no bigger than miner"
*****
"listen to me11 said the first whoref
'♦j^jr woof's of the largest class,
A ship sailed up one evening
And never touched a mast*"
Chorus - So tickle my tits, you bastards,
And smell of ray slimey slue,
And kiss my arse, you dirty fucks,
I'm one of the Whorey Crew#
*****
"You*re a liar" said the second whore,
"My woof's as big as the moon,
A ship sailed up in November, and
Never came down till June*"
Chorus j - — —
*****
"You1re a liar" said the third whore,
"For mine's the largest of all,
A fleet of steamers floated up, and
Never came down at all*91
Chorus:--------------
*****
"You're a liar" said the fourth whore,
"For mine's the biggest of all,
The splashing of my monthlies
Is like Niagara Falls•'*
Chorusx------ -
*****
(continued)
CH3B ^ffg.fflWri%- , (continued)
"youfri liars" said the fifth whore f
"My woof fs as big as the airf
The sun and moon revolve about,
And never singe a hair*19
Chorus: So tickle my titsf you be3tarda,
And smell of my slimey sluef
And kiss my arse, you dirty fucks
I'm Captain of the Crew*
iov&)
[MS to back of preceeding typescript page]
-y y
S s V y .}T
ry>/f Yy
y Sy / -
<r yj
^v /;
/r.
/ *
$
*v
oJUa jLcWvt.4 ^>ru~.j *—i n /
Corns along jolly fishermen,
We love you very we 11 -
Holy geef but ain't it cold?
Come along jolly fishermen,
YTe love you very well
Have you any more soft shell crabs for tc sell?
I grabbed that crab by the very backbone,.
Holy gee, but ain't it cold?
I grabbed that crab by the very backbone,
And I lugged and I lugged until I got the bastard home,
flinging 0C unlHHE--&t»i------. C/t^w*.
When I got home Mary Jane was asleep.
Holy gee but ain't it cold?
When I got home Mary Jane was asleep,
So I put it in the piss pot for the night to keep;
Singing on until I die**
In the middle of the night Jane got up to do her due,
Holy gee, but a in11 it cold?
In, the middle of the night Jane got up to do her due,
And the God-damn sea crab grabbed her by the flue -
Singing on until I die*
Said she/lfJohn Henryt Just as sure as youfre bonx,
Holy gee, but ainft it^cold?
Said she ,fJohn Eenryt Just as sure as you'w born,
There's a devil in the pissppt got me by his horn -
Singing on until I die.
Said the old lady ftPut on your overalls"-
Holy gee, but ain't' it cold?
Said the old lady "Put on your ovarii Is1*-
And the damned sea oral grabbed me by the balls•
Singing on until I die.
Said she fJohn Henry, can't you do a little bit"?
Holy gee, but ain't it cold?
Said she "John Henry can't you' dpi little bit?
And she socked me in the eye with a stocking full of shit,
Singing on until I die.
-2-
Now my story's ended and I oanft say no more,
Holy geef but. ainft it cold?
Now my story1 s ended and 1 can't say no moref
There's an apply up my asshole and you can have the coref
Singing on until I die.
y^c^n
I found a little crab in under a stone
And I tugged and tugged till I got him home,
Singing one-eye, two-eyef die*
When I got home Mazy Ann was asleep
So I put him in the piss pot for to keep,
Singing one-eye, two-eye, die*
Mazy Ann got up a job for to do,
And the oteb he grabbed a-hold of her fluq,
Singing one-eye, two-eye, die*
I sais ••Mary Ann won't you let a little fart
To blow his face and your ass apart?"
Singing one-eye, two-eye, die.
Mary Ann she tried and she tried a little bit
And she filled that crab's face full of shit,
Singing one-eye, two-eye, die«
(fcttt*.O^c^L- pdift-^ Utf^^O^nUfyK
*A»*> - •T" » ■ ^
Av> *'**- ^ ~
Ohf they* rt very fond of tail,
Dotol at Yale, down at Yale*
0hf they're very fond of .tailf
Dovm at Yale f down atjjTale.
So they practice fornication,
Sodomy and masturbation,
For they1 re very fond of tail dovm at Yalet
Researches conducted at Harvard,
By savants in Claverly Hall,
Have conclusively proved that the hedgehog,
Can hardly be buggered at all*
And further exhaustive researches,
Have incontrovertibly shown,
Zh&t comparative safety at Harvard,
Is enjoyed by the hedgehog alone.
| ifti^pi: | &*■ ' | |
| V | "» • |
,: /i, : V7 *-^- '
.'*
, Tiio Vaffflar Yall. /
(Aroc boaucoup d'erotifinu)
.■" TtH-^n''■';/, '7.'- v* ^ -. v; "'*~ %
0 h no.1 no t tfchjaVji ! l
Ob^H 0 ? no t there!
0 V no ! NOT THEH!!,
r... /
1
JS__ iff -. (Intebce satisfaction.)
S/n^L ^Um. I4^a "Max H*v l£m~v ■
CUc,.)
She Was Just A Sailor's 3weetheart,
She was just a sailor's sweetheart
And she loved her sailor lad
But he left her broken hearted
He was all she ever had
But she still believes ia sailors
And she*8 true to the red, white and blue
And though she is barred
From the Havy Yard
She loves her sailor boy posolutely.
($UAMALi*4*Jj *ft*4
fflE B&3W IffMft Q? M(p#ID>
Ohf the minstrels sing of an English king,
Kho lived long years ago,
•Though he ruled the land with an iron hand
His mind was weak and low*
He laved to hunt the hounding stag,
That roamed the royal wood,
But better still he loved the thrill
Of pulling the royal pud*
His single regal garment was
A woolen undershirt
Which merely served to hide the hide
It could not hide the dirt*
•Twas wild and wooly and full of fleas,
And his terrible tool hung down to his knees
God save the bastard king of England*
She Queen of Spain was an amorous dame
A spritely jane was she,
She loved to fool with the royal tool
Of His Majesty over the sea*
So she sent an invitation
By a speoial messenger
Inviting him to spend a week
And copulate with her*
Philip of France found this message by chance
And swore to all his court
,fShe loves me hated rival best
Because me tool is short."
So he sent to the Pope for syphilis sap
So give the Quean a dose of clap*
Which wouldn't do a thing to Merrie Bngland*
When news of this atrocious plot
Reached England9s royal halls,
The King he swore by the shirt he wore
He'd eat the Frenchman's balls*
He offered half his kingdom,
And a slice of Queen Hortense,
To any man in England who
Would nut the King of France •
(EHE BAflftiBP KIM OF KK(HiAHD« (continued]
The gallant Duke of Suffolk,
He took himself to France,
Told the King he was a fruiter
~'"So~tlierKtng took down his pants•
He tied a thong to the Royal prong
And mounted his steed and galloped along
And dragged him to the Bastard King of England*
The iting threw up his breakfast
And fell fainting on the floor,
For in the ride the Frenchman's pride
Had stretched a rod or more*
She ladies came to -London Town
And stormed the castle wall*
And cried lfTo hell with the British Crown,
Wefll hang him by his balls.11
So Philip of France ruled England then
For three score years and ten
Beloved by all the ladies
And admired by all the rmn.
And as he sat upon the throne,
His sceptre was his Royal Bone
With which he browned the Bastard King of England*
TH£ BASTARD KINO OF ENGLAND.
Oh# the bards thay sing of an English King
Who wilndLlong years ago,
Ho ruled tho land with an iron hand,
But his mind was weak and low.
His ono and only garment
Was a loathorn undershirt,
Alt ho it ssrred to hido his hide,
It could not hids his dirt.
He dearly loved to hunt the stag,
^ : f ilkn^li^^tv^ood,
And as he rode he dearly loved
To pull the royal pood.
He was wild and woolly and fill of fleas;
His terrible tool hung down to his knees,
ff
God sate thetQUeen >'Sngland!
Mow the Quean of Spain was an amorous dame,
And an amorous dams was shs,
She lored to fool with his Majesty's tool
From far across the sea.
So she sent a special message
By a special messenger,
And asked the King of England
To spend a week w th her.
The Bastard King of England,2
Whan Philip of Franco he heard of this,
Ho cried to all his Court,
M0ht the much prof org my riralf
Bocauoo my prong is short!"
So ho sent the Duke of Sipp-and-Sapp
To giro the Quo an a dooo of clapp,
God sare tho King of England!
than the Kites of thio foul dood
Hal coma to England's Hallo,
Tho King ho swore by tho shirt, ho wre
Hofd have tho Frenchman's balls*
Ho offered half his Kingdom
And a crack at tho fair Hortonoo
To any loyaj son of a bitch
Whofd nut tho King of Franco*
So tho noblfl Duke of Essex
font to tho Court of Franco,
Where ho said ho mis a fruiter,
So tho King took dovn his pants*
Ho slipped a thong round tho Royal dong
And merrily merrily galloped along
To tho Castle gates of England!
The Bastard King of England,3
Now the King ho shit, and tho King he more,
And he shot hie lunch all o*or the floor,
For during the ride th$ Frenchman's pride
Was stretched a yard or acre*
Then all the ladies of tho land,
They camo to London town,
Ar>d shouted round the Castle walls,
HTo Hell with the British Crown!"
So Philip of France usurped the Throne,
His scepter was his Royal Bone,
And he buggered the King of England!
-'l'^-"'^JAit,:i*'":.':4/
She promised to.meet me
^hen the clock strikes" seventeen, ' , •
•»
xrv the stockyards, a-mile and a half from town; .
Where the gigfcs , pigs1 feet, and hogs' knees;., and tough old
Texas .steeafi
Sells.for sirloin steak at ninety cents a pound,
O-c-o-ohJ , * ^
She!s my floozey, my daisy, * '-;
She1 s knock-kneed and she's crazy ■■• - ',;', ;/;";:
* She hasn't got a bit of .brain;
They say her teeth are'false, ' ^i
From, eating Epsom salts, ■■
-...','
She is -. ■ • -
%'S* 0# Lt, consumptive Sarah'Jane*1
• so-----nie jane j
(IRBfzaM&sxCTBiiziaxikBxaxs^^
,(Refrain, used in the Army only) . ■'
And shedon'.t use no prophylactic. ^ '"^ ~~ '*"*'* , ....
sLI&^ZjZ^
(^J Cxju+jl^ ^p^(Ap c^^c^jt^r^ 'T^^j?
U)L, y^ ku^ a^ /-^* /^^p co-r^^
V
/
/
s /_______—<rtWBBR*»
^iOV>)
^^> 9~^J^-
t}£Zi*v^ ****** /r"~
/
/3 ^>0—T
g^/u - .%Jf^
THS YOUNG 0BS3RV3R*
Beside a Belgian waterfall
One sunny Summerfs day
Beneath his shipwrecked battle-plane
A young observer lay,
His pilot on a telegraph pole
Was not completely dead,
And as he breathed his very last words
The young observer said,
"We1re going to a better land
Where everything is bright,
Where the whisky grows on bushes,
Play poker every night*.
You never have to work at all,
Just sit around and sing,
ind there are 'beauooup' wild women,
Oh Death, Where is thy sting? "
The Skinback Fail leers
"Eye8 right! Assholes tight 1
Foreskins to the rear}"
We're the boys
Who make no noise,
We've all got gonorrhea;
refrain
Oh, we're heroes of the night,
For we'd rather fuck than fight,
We're the heroes of the Skinback Fusileers.
-■^MM^
/^s>*o4L
tiii^iiilirS
'jm.jsms
^
&#i
i^
It's home, boys, homef
Itfs home we ought to bef
Home, boysf homef
la (iod's country,
We111 nail Old Glory to the top of the pole
And v-e'll all re-enlist - in a pig's ass hole*
* * * * * *. * 4. * *
&>-&
vAJ
A sol -
A sol -
A 30ldier I would be*
?fou -
?fou -
Ff curiosity,
Iwo pis -
$wo pis -
Tvo pistols at my side«
or -
Iwo pis -
Two pis -
Two pistols on ray loiee,
To fight for my cuntf-
To fi$it for ray cuntt-
To figjit for niy \pountry«
A Sou A sou A SolOieR I WooLp B£"
F<?' o^> FVo^ ro° cvj^io^ i T~y
TWo Pis Two Pis Two Pis to ljs orf N[y Ktfee:
^^ ^c^1"""^ > "'
ll> F/6-n-r
w» w doo, ,/t^^vw^
"Oh, Bing Dang Doof pray what it that,
Soft and round like a pussy-oat f
A hole in the middle, with a hair or two! ft
She said, "That is ny Ring Dang Doo."
One day there came a nioe young feller,
She took him down into her cellar,
She gave him wine and whiskey .too
w&
And let him play with 4*eiung Dang Doo*
••You God damn fool,11 her mother saidf
"You've gone and bust your maiden-head,
So pack your trunk and suit-case too,
And go to hell with^tng Dang Doo."
She went down town and became a whore,
And hung* this sign above the door,
"Two dollars down, no less will fot
And I111 let you play wi tailing Dang Doo/1
They come by oVfaXtheV conte by twos,
Just to plajj with King IJang Doo
lAx U^ ^-f <^OLW
-ft Uyn "lU^ U^4~
■RING-DW<HX)Oi
\) nA/^^
As I was strolling through the woods, ? ^ uQA^
I came across some damaged goods, ^ ' jlcaA*
She had the clap and the syphilis too, \ fc+X
And she played a tune on her Eing-Dang^DoqJi
'-5 •
\JsLhAAA
"My pretty maidf pray what is that,
So nice and round, like a ptLssy cat,
Split up .the middle, with a hair or two%"
"Why, sir,11 she said, "that18 my Ring-Dang-Doo.*
She took me dov/n into her cellar,
She said I was one damn fine feller,
Safe gave me wine, and whiskey too,
And she let me play with her Ring-Dang-Doo.
She took me up into her"<bed,
She put a pillow beneajbh my head,
She togkm> j^^\into her hand,
And p^^it in the premised land,
"You god-damn fool" her Mother said, ^
"You*ve gone and lost your maidenhead,
So pack your trunk abd your suitcase too,
And go to hell with your Ring-Dang-Doo*"
[JO/LA*
!*?
"Oh, Mother dear, Ifm not to blame,
When you were young you done the same «? x
From sweet sixteen to seventy*twof
My old man played with your Ring~Dang-Doo#"
She went tdowntown and became a whore,
She hung her sign before her dcor,
"Gome all you soldiers and sailors too,
Come take a crack at ray Ring-Dang-Doo#"
One day thfcre cam A a 4 ity\ slicker,
He liked hVs tail Mih\lot\ of liquor,
He had the clap andVtha syphilis too,
And he staye\ all ni^t\withy^ing-Dang--I)oOt
JU^b
]Ll^
04AA^wv-
^xt UjUvC^d *\ J**^-3
The mountaineers have Wiry ears
They wear long leather britches,
They flop their cooks against the rocks,
Theyfre such hardy sona of bitches.
Great glee they reap from diddling sheep
In crannies, nooks and ditches,
What care they a damn he it dam or ram,
Theyfre such hardy sons of bitches.
The mountaineers they have no fears
They do not stop at trifles,
They hang their balls upon the walls,
And shoot at them with rifles.
\
1 *'f '~* V4V^
;>■•
":'k
And ho took her honaet imaa,
» /r
**>
So she Journeyed up to London
;* „ Tor to hid* her guilty shade,
And there another squire
Took her naaa again*
;k,
;^ ?
. .Ni^f-v a
\ « ', /:? #
v In:the jrillage in the count f*
Bar pamntii sadly lira*
They d>ink th3 chaapaign eho tend*.
,, . -\ But they ne*or can forgive.
* to-
ft * ,4
V
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•7 $-"*rf* ■'•'
A
THE DEVIL hE LIVES IN A HELL OF A PLACE
£^
Allegro moderato
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Words and music by Henry W«Hetzel
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The Devil he lives in a hell of a place ; /:
Of decent home comforts it .hasn't a trace. .
The climate }s 6uJtry, no sea breezes blow,
And it's, been a long while since £hey;ve had any, show.
The chambers are stuffy and every thing: there
Is made of asbestos,^ each tab^
As long as L live [ never'^will paj'^^V\>'v! ' •.-'• ^
A visit to* Hades ^here^
I'll be damned Uf I go t^^^
For the Devil he lives in « :fi$/ffpf)\a;^lat^'^->,- *'•' V>
Dut*no; rose," they ,<sa^4'*i^
"' There 4^'''^*wba^
, The clfmate ;ahd^:si£hfcr^^
But bn: doubtfiri-S3tfmfetohtf^
then I was Young and Handsome.
then I was young and handsome,
It was my great delight
To attend the balls and dances,
And stay out late at night*
09 I met him in t&e ball room*
I met him there by chance•
I knew ne was a sailor
By looking at his pants.
His shoes were brightly polished,
His hair was neatly combed*
fe danced around the ball room,
And then he asked me home*
It *Hi .;. .'/f'-.•',.■;.-•* 'hull-*-.': ■■ ■
It was in my father's hall-way
That I was lead astray*
It was in my mother*s bed-room
That I was forced to lay*
He lay me down so gently,
He pulled my dress so high,
And then he said, "Now, Nellie,
You must do it, dear, or die***
BREACH OF PROMISE CASE.
Laura Johnson
vs.
Rev.George A.Burton.
Supreme Court,
N.J .
In Trespasse
James Matlack Seovel,
for Plantilf,
Henr$ 8.Seovel,
for Defendant.
This cast was tried before Judge Parker, a Justice of the Supreme
Court of New Jersey and a Presbyterian Elder in the very odor of
sanc-
tity. James Matlack Seovel was opposed by Henry S.Seovel,his son,
the ^
colored defendant |s eouneel. Kiik^*
The plantlff-s eouneel said among other things:
\?*..->
GENTLEMEN OP-THE JURY,- The defendant, Breer Burton, says
theAwidow
of eight years' standing, and that he had heard that a widow in that
state of "carnal eoneupisenee"was Just A$ 0-0015 AS HEW.
"Now, gentlemen of the Jury" ,to my mind this expression from
this
so-ealled man of God only shows a bad ease of MALA MENS, or evil
mind
fatally bent on mischief and copulation. What right has this black
pounder and expounder of the everlasting Gospel to know how long one
of
his flock has been without a mouthful of "oats?"
"Breer Burton says,this oleaginous 'eoonj this lecherous
terrapin,
this stallion shod with fire! in feeble excuse of his alas I too
frequent
visits to my client, the fair and bueksum woman(N.B.-she was indeed
of a
yellow color and fair to look upon) who wears the livery of the
burnishd
sun - Burton said, he only 'went down to fix de widow's hen coop'.
"Now,gentlemenof the Jury, you know how it is yourself - for most
a _.
of you, I fear, in the days of your youth have 'trod the primrose
path
of dalliance',SEMI-occaslonally, Was it Indeed for this so-ealled
man a
of God to go and see this beautiful black sheep, morning, noon, and
night
for the evidence discloses the damning fact that Breer Burton
lingered
in sweet and amorous dalliance with Laura Johnson, till like Romeo,
he
outwatehed the very nightingale I can truthfully say that this
so-cal-
led minister of the Gospel, who, like the ancient Iago, was only
'fit to
lead apes in hell and chronicle small bear,'that in his visits
tofhis
loving member of his congregation, he played Petrarch to her
LAURA,first
he billed and then he cooed, then he osculated, and then he
copulated -
like the amorous he goat that he is- and as the ancient fornicator,
Rabe-
lais, beautifully remarks, he played two 'downs' to her one 'up' and
anti
cipated her on third.
"Possibly being one of Shakespeare's scholar*), this black
Abelard,
as he mounted in hot haste his dusky Heloise, quoted from the divine
William Shakespeare, who sits pensive and alone aaove the hundred
handed
play of his own imagination - as he said:
"Spread thy close curtains love performing night, that Romeo
Burton
may leap to Laura Johnson's arms untftlked of and unseen."
(Here Judge Parke cheeked the rising applause of the audience
with
with his gavel and said with apparent relish:"Go right on Colonel
Jim;
this ease is not lacking in interest to this Oourt. )
Conneel protesting against levity, proceeded and aald;
i.
^S "I see before me the three dusky daughters of this unhappy,
kindless
^reacherous and leeherous defendant at ghe bar - their own father,
who
admits he got on his knees and Invoked the Divine blessing before he
mou-
nted the willing Laura, to whom he promised marriage* I see the
three Burton
girls - trained perjurers, to save the old man fron the consequences
of his
lechery* Gaze on these threefCleopatras of the OOze1- they toil not,
neither
do they spin, but Solomon In all his glory was nt>t arrayed like
these Burton
girls In their red shawls!"
(Here the Burton girls made mouths at the councel who retorted:
"You
dusky bitches, donft you dare make mouths at me I")
Judge Parker crieds "Order, order - but let the case proceed. It
grows
I in interest^
I "It was the duty,"said the plaintiff's councel, "of the
Rev.George Bur-
I ton to Allure to brighter worlds and Lead the way. He did no such
thing.
I He seduced the plaintiff under a promise of marriage. He is a
miserable and
I breachy eoon who merits condign punishment at your halids#
I "And the irate Laura when Burton went off and married another
yellow
I girl, pursued the fugitive Burton with a horse pistol well nigh
three feet
I long; and Breer Burton can thank God that councel pacified the
avenging fury
I of Laura Johnson else this MUD-TURTLE of the Zion Chfcrch "would
not now be
I cumbering and encumbering the earth, not even on praying ground
and plead-
I lng term%!
I "When this fornicating man of God ought to have been leading
Laura by
I the still pastures and gweet waters of the Gospel, he spent his
time, the
hoary-headed old sinner, in exploring her quivering thighs, and the
demesnes
which there adjacent lie; as he kis3ed her he said: fHang there
sweet soul
like ripe fruit till the tree dies.1 He plunged in mediae res,
recklessly,
when he ought to have married the woman he seduced, according to
law.
"Shall this black stallion, shod with fire, be longer allowed to
pursue
his lewd and lecherous cause amont the mettle* fillies of the
Macedonian A£
Afro-American Church ? Shall this wild ass of the mountain continue
to mm
cavort on the hillside of his illicit Zion with his dusky harem ?
Cavort -
in the name and in the livery of the Savion of mankind ? Never1 God
forbid;
Let this wild arab of fornication from the dusky purlieus of South
Camden
be forthwith lassoed with the law; this continental, calossal and
unmiti-
gated he-whore."
Judge Parker charged in favor of the fair Laura,
The verdict was for 1150• much to the disgust of the junior
Scovel*
CAMDEN, N.J.,March I, 1890.
"That reaains to ba seen," said the n elephant, as he ghat in the
middle of
the road*
.%% mm
Hot Taaaloa
John and kolly by the ader
Indulged in youthful follies.
The sun shone strong on Johnnies arse,
The sand was hot Ta&al<is» -
am
.
M
EMBERS of an older generation will remember how it
began: {
Twas a balmy summer evening, and a goodly crowd was
there l^
That well-nigh filled Joe's barroom on the corner of the
Square,
And as songs and witty stories came through the open
door
A vagabond crept slowly in and posed upon the floor.
The derision that greeted his poor appearance left our hero
only a little sadder:
. . . Come, boys, I know there's kindly hearts among so good
a crowd;
To be in such good company would make a deacon
proud. . ♦ .
Say, give me another whiskey and 1-11 tell you what 111 do—
111 tell you a funny story, and a fact, I promise too;
That I was ever a decent man, not one of you would think,
But I was, some four or five year back, say, give us an-
other drink.
D fortified, he proceeded with his unhappy story. **I was
^, filter. ... I saw the star of fame before my eyes/'
And then, I met a woman—now comes the funny part—
With eyes that petrified my brain, and sunk into*my
heart.
The Drifter's readers know the rest only too well. Young
love returned and then betrayed: "The jewel I had treas-
ured so had tarnished and was dead." And then the de-
nouement:
That's why I took to drink, boys. Why, I never saw you
smile,
I thought you'd be amused and laughing all the while. ...
Say, boys, if you'll give me another whiskey, 111 be glad,
And I'll draw right here the picture of the face that
drove me mad; ...
Another drink, and with chalk in hand,% the vagabond
began
To sketch a face that well might buy the soul of any
man,
Then as he placed another lock upon the shapely head,
With a fearful shriek he leaped and fell across the pic-
ture—dead,
\ ^oaji *k1jL 3^^^^^L<\A
[This is the reverse of the previous page]
»,„« «**,„-,*« «* ***v, uuwuj. jufey&i. untuii* wuuiu au^puio one
iigui.es
which you give, the truth is that while the number actually
coming in to the country was below the quota figure, yet the
number of visas issued equaled the full quota and persons hold-
ing unused ones are eligible for admission after June 30 in
addition to the quota of the present year*
Philadelphia, October 9 J, M. SHAW,
Editor, Service Talks,
Philadelphia-Rapid Transit Company
Drink and Modern Industry
To the Editor of The Nation:
Sir: It occurs to me that the revolt against prohibition is
also a revolt against our present industrial order. Drinking,
even in moderation, implies carefreeness, and there is no place
for that in the order of things under industrialism. Workers
have to be sober, rigid, and staid in their habits. Speed and
efficiency gbre no quarter to anyone who wants to take thrtime
to sip a glass of wine. They don't even permit a leisurely
manner of eating.
New York, October 9 Morgan Mavo
Contributors to This Issue
RofeEBT Dell is The Nation's correspondent in Paris.
Anne Hard will send The Nation another report from
the coal district.
Ernest Sutherland Bates was formerly on the faculty
of the University of Oregon.
Robert C. Francis was an official delegate at the Stock-
holm conference which he describes in his article.
Edgar Lee Masters wrote "A Spoon River Anthology,"
"Domesday Book/' and other poems and novels.
H. L. Mencken is editor of the American Mercury and
author of "The American Language."
Zona Gale is the author of "Miss Lulu Bett" and "Birth."
Henry Raymond Mussey, formerly managing editor of The
Nation, is professor of economics at Wellesley College.
Lola Ridge is the author of "Ghetto" and "Sun-Up."
Dorothy Graffe is on the editorial staff of The Nation.
James Murphy was a British correspondent in Rome un-
til last summer. The Fascist censorship made his work
so difficult that he went to Paris, where, he writes, "we
know much more about Italy than they do in Rome."
•jwawau*, — -,/*
L
UUL^^k ^*4*~t^ S-p.iU^ j
There tmrs a God damn spider
Lived up a water spout
•Long came a hall of a thunderstorm
And washed the bastard out.
But when the fuoking sunshine
Dried up the farting rain
That raring, tearing son of a bitch
Went up the spout again*
Another ana eomcvi-at liberal rendition of Villon's Ballade and
orison
by Murray Qoflwin-^" • ' -.*. ■ .0•■■■-■ '■■.■...■< ;'"'v '
Good Hoe 1 first planter of the vine,
And Lot t who an the cavern cup
Got soused? and flossied, cooked with nine,
Knocked both thy homely daughters up
(I mean no pepper in thy tup),
Arohltriellnus, who In the bowl
Found Wisdom, $&t,® with a kind hiccup
On Cotard's worthy, well-primed soul.
s He was a rurahound, thoroughbred,
Strong for the three-star stuff, and yot,
If ■ that were lacking, he'd guzzle Instead
At red Ank or white mule* anything wet
And loaded to kill was with him well met*
Thoujji leaking schnapps from ©very hole,
He'd cling to the bottle — blessings est
On Cotard's worthy, well-primed soul*
I used to watch him nakinc for port,
Heaving hie cargo, wrenching his rump;
And oncem I recall, he was brought up short
By a butcher's stall, with a hellish buab—
Sp pickled he was that he flouted the thump-
Tanked to the eyelids, blinddas a nolo—
Shino the soft lights of your heavenly dump
On Cotard's worthy, well-prined soul.
L'iSJVOI
Whenever he farted he burned his pants,
Godwin-—a
Hi 0 turd was like a asaokinc coal-
Good Masters* don't, pray, look askance
On Ootard'B worthy, well-primed soul*
This rendition, says Frere Godwin, "however faulty, has
the aerit of being leas rooky and more in the spirit of the
original,
whioh I have not read, than the translation8 of the Rev# Payne, the
Rev. Lepper, and others of the same sad breed."
. /
V
-:^i:>;'
Tke I*t*»ntiomal Poraogjirgkic Library.
.^ *
V*r
■- w
Claude Balls.-
TkeWildpat'i Rertage,
TJK0 Flappor'fif ^Del«na, by kr. -PViod.' ■■ - "
Tke Backelor1* Drea*, by -de Wet Skeets.
Tke Brow* Spot• oa^tkeJTall, by Fluag Dtmg Hi.
■ ■ . ■". > »
"
• * ■ ■ ■ * ~ ■ n >- '
Tke Price of a Go6(|Ti«ef by Peter B^rag.
Tke?Seco»d Copimg, by/wica Kii^fit.
Tke Happy Sckoolgirl,1 by Ity Caadle.
Tke Dead- Vergin, By Rector Box.
Dowa o* tke Aaazoa, by Col. Liagus.
Ia^Djttck* by Rfcoda Hollaader.
Tke Nubiaa Priac#to*, by Erawtus B. Black*
Tke Tom Kiao&o, by Sepaore Hare*
Tke Cryiag Need, by Uaa Phased.
Tke Cry ia tke Nigkt, by BitaTitzoff.
" " "} '' . . •' '
* '
Tke Creak of tke Je«tx By Screweder Iaa Pkua.
Tke Perfect Carriage, by Gerald Fitzaauda aid kaude Fitzgerald.
Solitary Blies, by vI.vJerkoff.
Tke Yellow Flood, by I.P. Freely.
Tkree Ia.Bae, By Igot Trlpietz.
Pksaioa Frait, by Usa Baaaaa.
Tke.Power of ?kott by E. Rectioa.
Tke Barred, Door, by Skeea iaideakead.
.
■/
4-^1^"
\ V
The laaieet Way, by tilene Baeke.
I' -
Hot to Reduce Tour Wife, by Rider Haggard•
The Brown Spots on the Floor, by Crawling Child.
Irer£bodm Hot ka&a» by ShesaPrick Skinner*
m
"It's a hellota lifet" said the poor Queen of Spain,
"Fire minutes of pleasure, and nine months of pain**
"Fire minutes of pleasure, nine months of pain,
T«o weeks of rest, and at it again*M
:r; :•:
Ufa,'
-15 -
quean of Spain, ; ^
"Nino months la&va»
ft Wit WIIW
4
| IP | |
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,7
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20 to 30, nigfrt and morning, '-*
40 to 50, nijgit &£ morning*
* ■ ■ ■ '.
»' ' ' I • ,
' ^
/ 50 to 60, now and than*
,; ■ '<■ r "•- : . '
v
60' to 70, God know* whan. / t
' . : " " o o o * -% ' '
Extraate from the diairy of a youag nosa&n's first sea trip*
~''*7 "^ "- * V
' , and blue sky!: And I'k not tha laaat seasick* but oh, ao
loneeomo?
m
l 7. ^77^; .,
V -
Tuesday* Itfa wondarful out on tha boundltas doep. JSuch aun,and
wind y .^^
>v *a - Vodnoaday* Ata at tha officorfa tablt. Such chaming aon.
Thara ia aopit
^^|C;)'. thing aor^ attraatita about asafaring man.
.Thursday- Tha ehi*f anginaor has be on so att entire* Wa walked
about tha
4 f%7^r^ -^
^y^dsck* till neat »idnight« Such a riril manly typo,' I aa quit*
wild about hla.
V.^>%^*V" Triday- Tha chief engineer again
walked with me* Gorgeous moon* I, :
^1p^i:Went to" his1 ""cabin for a moment *'ao apio and span, but
so bare!- ha made .improper
^ffe#^fad?aaces,' and I left in a huff, of course*
\S\ f- -£ -v. >«* * * .
« ■ , ^ .
Saturday* Tha chief engineer is really quite desperate. He
cornered me
4
&&£vk on d«ek toniriit and thr«at§nad to blow up tha thip if I
don't eoncaad to hi« da« rM;
\»,.T*fiSM>
|7|">aadB,; Tha puraar aaya thara ara otrar 450 woaen and
children alona, on board* iy God!
te^^»i*«*"' "iSunday-'::'Satad' tha' litoa of 450 woaan and chUdran
'toni^xt.'
^z^f\-":f%t'yC"
fe^7* <'.-"•:-.a- . -i, $t <: ■
'*a>» s<¥- * . ^m »*f si-,^ •
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•:r7f^r %*tSth.--,t,
0*~t*"*/faa« ^-scjcxjjto <^TXji0jruL-
(X> <AJL^Tf^v0t,eUM^£if-
^ $ frvuv^i k^cXJtJu^ iKiil^Al^JLh
Wy—tSLi^u^ ^^A
cmKa*. QJJtfUA
t7c~-t>, CrUJl ilk
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St
^U-C-**«-
BUGLE CALLS
AS3EMBEY. ___
There's a soldier in the grass, with a bullet up his ass,
Take it out, take it out, take it out, take it out.
Come and get your porky without any lean,
Come and get your soupy without a single bean.
Ohf the cavalryf the artillery, and the dirty engineers,
They couldn't lick the doughboys in a hundred thousand years,
TOffiB gpffS,
We're the rue;
We have hair
And we wear lea1
We slap our coo
We're har<
ears 9
ears,
reetohes,
inst the rooks
of bitches.
We wipe our ass 9h\fcroken glass,
We do not care fpr\triflest
We hang our "balls ujjon the walls,
And shoot/at them with rifles <
7»-
at
"A
Mr*. President----Mr, President----You lovz-down son-of-"
a-bitch1! for the last half houah I have been attempting to
gain recognition, and eve'y time I catch youah eye you
shrink and cringe like a gog with a flea up his ass. +
J~ J.
Compayah the puny penis of a Peruvian prince with the
ponderous bollocks of a Roman Senator; compayah the faint
scintillations of the. lightning-bug'3 ass-hole with the
glaahing effulgence of the noonday sun I
| MM | ■Mi | MM • |
■Mi | |||
| i;~.; "r | ^ |
[MS on back of previous typescript!
M
Variation on Frankie and Johnny
or
Carl Sandburg forgets himself
before the Perth Amboy Woman's
Browning Society
And yet, I loved him with a love
As pure as are the heavens above
when with that yellow Nellie Elye
I caught him-----:
wasn!t he my man?
Hadn't I danced and crootted and sung for him,
And walked the streets when my feet ached
And talked to god damned white men
^o eaw in me
Phantasmagoria in ebony,
Muscles like knots in trees
Black on>white sheets
And shades between---
Chiaroscuro?
But he was my man,
Cod damn his soul.
For him I saved inricacies of technique,
His only were the niceties, the delights
an
which tOj/kncient Creek
Atoned for philosophic nights
Spent quibbling on the merits of milk and honey,
Respectively
If you please.
' -
""I
F. & J. Variation------3
So, when that yellow Nellie came along, high toned,
High stepper, straight from Albany
Where no poor whites knew her, but Senators
------I let him go.
^hat else was left?
t***^ £g& when my curiosity
Directed me to peep
Thrdu^h the- window so high
And there I watched my lovin1 man Johtmy
with that gal named Mellie Blye-----
Too well I loved him
To stand for jk such poor workmanship-----
I pulled that gun,
I said Ifd shoot,
Put when that forty-four
Went root-a-tat-toot
-----My God, I loved that manJ
Reported, from stenographic notes
taken under the inspiration of
Tittoria, a waitress whom Dowson
might have loved, by none other
than Saul Pierre Carson.
CABLE ADDRESS
* R AL.E IG H, WASH IN ©TON V
The Ral^eigh
BU ROPE AM PLAN*
ABSOLUTELY FIREPROOF".
L.G. SIZER, Manager
1 \U Uo^Gm X^^Ua^VC^w^
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C&-*lrt%^wu^ (>P*e Cut icls3~¥~-
WE OW SPOHTo
^
The Old Sport sat in his grand stand chair,
VTith dung on his pants and lice in hi a hair,
And his voice rang out on tha evening air?
"He111 win in a walk, by gosh!"'
"His rao0rdfs straight f he can11 go slow—
Befs out of Black Bess and Hungry Joa*-
i#d of all that field he111 make a shot*;
Hefll win in a walk, by goshl"
,fJust wait till you see thorn turn him loose,
Hefll go throu^t that field like shit through a goose;
Just like an ace a-be-ating a deuce.
He'll win in a walk, by goshI"
They carae down the stretch and that bastard was third,
He worlfl&d up to second, then slipped on a turd
And fell in the ditch* . « Jtod that son of a bitch
Never finished at all, by gosht
vcZv
13
P»
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[This is stapled together. MS note is on back of script]
^xL.jxr^ &*J OaJlffcLiw
£2c& *^ 4#^~ &&^
a
SO C H A T I C IOVJ
The story goes tnat Socratep
That wise Athenian codger,
Carried concealed bene&th his clothes
A mrlatii dodger
Wherewith he used, whenas iaxjuutad he fait
Particularly flippy,
To ransack hola» that did not
%i- < Appertainrto ^isiXantippe.
Young Alcibiades, they say,
Was such a pink of fashion,
As to excite old Socrates
Into a flams of passion*
fMich spurred him not Xantippe-wards
To coddle and to hug 9$r9
But filled him with a violent
And lewd desire to bugger.
Now wit ye wellfchat in these parts
It was not considered nasty
For sage philosopnere to turn
Their tools to pederasty*
The sapient Plato, whom they called
In those old times, the kaster,
Did know, a tergo, as they say,
A pretty boy, hight Aster;
And old Diogenes, who thro/a
By raising of the dickens,
Socratic Lore, 2
fas wont to occupy ail bums,
From pupils down to chickens.
Whilst that re vans d and austere man,
The great and pious Solon,
Did penetrate a Thracian youth
Unto his transversa colon.
In 4&ort it was the usua* thing
Tor horny Greeks to diddle
This guassy vent, instead .of that
With the ladies piddle.
Now Alcibiades was tali
And straight as any arrow;
His buttocks thrilled old Socrates
Unto his very marrow*
No hairs had yet profaned tha vale
That cleft those globes asunder*
No nairs to stay the feted breath
If-bortogwal^thiiiider-
No hair to interrupt the course
Of his diurnal ordure,
And gatnar from that excrement
A rank diUberric bordure.
His sphincter was as fair a band,
So Socrates protested,
As ever kept one's rituals in,
Or passed theft all digested*
Socratic Love, 3
No hemorrhoid* had aver marred
It 8 soft and sera bug us beauty,
And on its virgin folds no prick
Had spent its pleasing duty.
Like some sweet bud it nestled there,
While the winds blew gently thru it-
Scenting the breeze old Socrates
kore madly longed to do it.
But Alcibiades was wont
To make absurd objection
fhen Socrates proposed the scheme
Of fcriuing a connection.
The youth conceived the whim
That buggery was nasty,
Ani so he kept his virgin bum
Unstained by pederasty.
So he grew from day to day,
And his arse waxed hourly fatter
Till Socrates wag nearly dead
To get at that fecal matter.
It so befell that on a day
In sweaty 'Summer weather,
They walked to the Acropolis
Quite casually together.
And as they walked the youth bent down
To tie his sandle laces-
\
Socratic Love,4
They always aoae unloosed, you know,
At the meanest tiraes and places*-
And as ho stooped ha liftsd high
And left without protection
Tha entire tract of his lower gut,
From the pod to the sigmoid flexion.
For weeks and raoths old Socrates
Had had a Priapism,
And his ponderous odds- a sight for gods,
#ere both surcharged with gizra.
Seeing that bum, and this rare chance,
Ho straightway set to spot • eiii,
So ha hit * i:a a lick with his attic prick,
And occupied Alcyfs bottoau
In vain the poor Atheniarfcegged,
Balloted, pissed and farted,
Full Twenty iinutas 'lapsed before
His friend and he were parted*
And while old Socrates explored
The tantalizing glories
Of rugae and of "plicae ' "V
And of quivv-ring lavatories,
The victem of his lust cried out,
"iChue, that X.in vain I
Should to this hour have kept intact
iy rosey sphincter ani!
-fboi that I was to keep it swo^t
And clean for this old dodger,
Socratic Lotra, 5
With his threa cornsred prong
And his greasy bails, to rogeri
Wiiy aid I not yaald up ray chama
To Xenophons Embraces,
As I§ve had the chance to do
At divers tines and places!
Why not givs^up ay wealth
Of callipygous treasures
To handsome Cimcnf8 burning lust,
Or Pious Plato's pleasures!
Ho 7 would these aen have gloried
In uiy coy and virgin rectus!
With no tho#t of vagrant dung,
Or cundroms to protect * era!
But now! Ye Gods! this lecherous goat,
With sardonic skulduggery,
Doth rive my arse in twain with his
Incarnate god of buggery.
And whan ha pulls that pintle out
With which now ha shuts in
The sigh ay li/ar longs ;o vant,
Tr.i .- Hcwsftaliel keep my guts in!"
Thus railed the youth againsx nls fata,
Which threatened to undo hia,
Socr&tic Lov© t 6
But Soc, all headlsss of his c?ias
Right briskly sockad it to hia«
Ifa pacicad his spona so fimiy in
That colon soft and callow,
That when "friereaftsr Alcy poopad,
The poop was mostly tallow.
Accredited ^o Eugene Field.
t\io*fi
Tracy~R\rry Company
Advertising
Philadelphia New York
This communication from "the
New "York Office
34*7 Pifih Avenue
Bere's to the breeses
That blow thrp the treesea
And *aft girls* ehitaeses
Above their pretty kneoeoa,
Hlce things one seesea
laid does what one pleases
And gets Bt range diseases
By Jeeseat by Jeeses*
V
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SSI .K' SSI2£ Of SB, UOBKOn
Whan sensory Ifcaapa asa a#&pany, anil aMmra'a
A waathar-haatan ohjaat looms thru tha »i*janra''»4
Behind tha honsa ant ten it stool* a h^<«©ir oaf
&n& hurrying ffcat a path had. isada* atraighfe *la ita flriBfti*
.tear*
It* arahitactora *aa a typa of aimpla tfjttgl* art- "^^^^ ' • -*
Bmt in tha tragedy of tlfa# it pl*jro4 % fraglUr pumtt
AodL oft a passing tra^allar difow* *2w* and l»ava& * *t«L
so. aaa tha modaat htrat girl gUy $a* mUSk giaaoaa «^ s
W* 1te& oar posay g*r*a& that thanto*** ia*a| m **!!{
I larai £fe too-, tmt fc*ttar atlll^ i lowad tha atroagj^oBMai
"That filled tha aTaningr hraa&ta *o tall of fcoataly ahaar
'nv ~\
And told the night O'artakeB tfaxqp that: human li*e was naar»
- ' %\
on lasy Anguai afteraooxus it x&d<r a little ho?**- '"7.7 . J
Delightful, whara sy gran&eira aat» and ahlla'ft **sy to hosts*
. ~> * *\
#©r thara tha amasar morainga it a wry ®mm ontatnat.-
v"'; - !
And barry huthaa redis&td in tha stressing aoil r^iin^
;/ _ N
And fat day spiders apnnlf Ws*ir waha to eaieh tL. huftal&g
filet ^ ~. .
^hat flittad to and from tha kousa whara la was baking 'piaa«
, v ,■" 'i
And on^e a swar® of hornet* b«idt had built a p&laoa $fc*#*
^£^v&.
And ©tang my nnsaapaating -Aaad X mn*t not tall you. *fc*?a;
"^:^>-
Than father took a flaming pola * that w^a a happy dagr^-*
'"*'•
Ha nasrly hurned tha hailfimg up# hut tha horrota laft to *ta^«
\^ *-*
Whan mmsmt blocs hagan to fada and aintar to oa^:aa«L
\*??\.j
Wa banked tha littla fcall&liig with a Mmp of h^J^^mkgk^,*
" i^-r
But whin tha oru^t was en the a&o*. and tha aallan alelaa'aara
gr^% * |
In sooth tha ballfting i*ss no plaaa whera ona would'with,to
uta?* '
Ta aid o'ur dutias promptly, thera ona puxpana a«aye.ft. t^
oindji' . '
Wa tarried not, nor ling^rat long on ahat oma laf^liftipC
7hm tortmra of that ioy aaat m®M m*M QJ&xtm ^^^, _ - • -# ^ . ,•
/or neads mat aorapa tha gzom foaali itifk.ft'1aaai:a£UyiO^:
-/i,^^-v:
That fxpa a fwat^aaar^ita* nail waa aaapaaSatt trom^WSkiSa^. ^
..*&£&&$
\ Ky fathar «att- a frmgal ata-al^ »n*, aaata* «ia* ^ thing*
l ' ••^-'\v
Whan grandpa liad: to ga^nt %^k* aaiL. «*# Ms ir;
Iafd bandla up tha daar old imn with a saffla? t
I knen tha hola on whioh ha sat, twae padAad all
And onoa I tried to ait there 4 rtwac eCtl too »*.
Ky loins wara "all too litUa and l Jack*knifed t
Thay htad to mm* and -gat trm-ov^^m^^^^^^^
rhan fathar a£*a* .a^iti,0^»^^^^^^^el^P^
Ant X anat wa tha ahlUT^Ii'loli^tlXX^iaitt^
But at ill l asarral at tha craft'tliat tut thMNi >■
ffha hah/ hole, and tha alandar hola that £M»ttd a,4.ata,r"8afS-
That daar old country land sark; I hava "traakpad ^^sal a hX%
And in'the -lap of luxury, a^ lat h%a b#€® 1ko ai*;
Sut ^m I ftia, Fll afet tha imt%, of traes I rot-^ «4 of ya^
Than aaak tkaMAantf ^ht*a ^ s»aiaa is aarfcaa uj-ri tha .doo^ .
I traen tfca old fa&lliar Email aill lootfe^ * -'"" ^^ -
■ x»m now a ruan. but nona tha leaa 1*11
v iaiinii
^ t-f-OOBft*
'-ra to at my
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^LifvL C^^4/(r^- irtrr\o
n*
Paul, the playful cabin "boy,
Mischievous little nipper,
Filled his arse-hole full of glass
And circumcised the skipper.
BBS T-.'AIU: OF A KAK-QEIED.
A gentle nun, who had never strayed
i?roa, the convent walls since, a toddling maid
Of three bright stunners,they brought her there,
Had grown to womanhood, pure and'fair;
She could use her needle with dainty skill,
Arid to charm the hours that were long and stillf
She had learned with patient care to paint,
And the pictured face of some good old saint,
Sleemed oft from the canvas 'neath her hand«
But, weary of these, one day she planned
A picture fairer than all beside,
That should be her masterpiece and pride -
She would paint the Virgin Mother mild,
In her amis upbearing the Holy Child*.
3c for many a d^y she toiled and wrought,
Inapired by sweet and holy thought,
Until the picture was all complete,
From the haloed head to the sandaled feet.
Then the patient artist said, "I will go,
i-o the Mother Abbess that she may bestow,
Some word of praise and her blessing sweet,
On my picture fair that is all completef
from the haloed head to the sandaled feet."
ohe did not know that'the wee sweet face
Held close in t .e mother's fond embrace,
Ho chaitn of baby or childhood wore -
,fi?v;as a little woman and nothing more»
But the Mother Abbess, seeing, smiled,
And said in the gentlest voice, M% child,
She Ho2y Babe was a Man-child born,
Rivldy and fresh as a waking morn*"
ubvX could they guess when so young and fair,
2hat a sometime man was nestling there?11
"Aye, daughter, the first faint breath before,
And the mark still lingers when life is o'er*"
11 But tell me, mother, that I may know,
What spot or dimple or rosy glow,
What cuire of muscle or sweep cf limb
When given to the man-child, marketh him?"
'•iiay, child, ; ray Heaven though mayest never know,
;.'hat spot or dimple or rosy glow,
Or wondrous shape ere he draws a breath,
iiarieeth the man-child for life or death/1
(continued)
?H2 'mj&: OF 1 tiAK-tmm). ""(continued.-)
Ihe abbess went in her holy wayf
And the novice knelt down in her niche to pray;
But ever one thought disturbed her prayer -
Ihe mark of the man-child was not there*
As she walked alone in some cloistered ground,
Her heart all at once gave a sudden boundt
For there was the gardener, strong and young,
And as light of heart as brisk of tongue*
She would ask if on brow or breast or limb
2hs mark of the man-child showed on him*
"Come us to my ream," she said, "come ^uick"
And, tossing aside his shovel and pick,
Sovard her virgin shrine his feet he set,
Where the picture leaned on the easel yet*
"Is it fair,'1 she asked and he answered low,
»»l:ls a purty picture, as well ye know,
But His not the Virgin Mother's joy,
For,bless your sweet face, her babe v/as a boy*"
"Kc*v 'know you?11 "Why ev^ry spalpeen knows that,"
With a puzzled l.ok said the laughing Pat.
"Ken tell me and show me,1* she said, "or Ifxl say
Tkz.t to my room ^ou have forced your way,
An?. Ifll make you lose your place today*"
♦Iwlxt fright or frolic, or fear and pain,
With an Irishman's blood afire in his vein,
And a pretty girl asking a thing like that -
"K. what is a fellow to do?" said Pat.
One moment he parsed, then aside he threw
Hie- leathern belt and his blouse of blue,
And the mark of the man-child was brought to view.
She opened wide her brown,bright eyes,
And gazed with wonder and sweet surprise,
On the mystical, magical, long-sought prize,
l!he round soft roll, as it lay at rest,
On two pink lobes, close together pressed,
Li"kre a baby's fa'se ftween its mother's breasts*
And, as with her white hand quivering,
She touched the magical, mystical thing,
She felt it between her fingers stir,
It deemed tc rise u.p and nod at her.
With a thrill that crept from her heart to her lips,
And crimsoned her brow and finger tips,
Khat quickened her pulses and throbbed in her heart,
And set all her senses astray and astart*
She closed her eyes and she knew no more,
She had seen the mark that the man-child wore*
Lc.:^ years went by, the novice 3t.rs.yed
From her cloistered nook in the; convent shade,
A; 1 the fair-ha*red daughters and brave-browed cons,
2cId how well i^r work in the world was done.
But the abbess found in the dim old room,
A picture shrouded in dust and glocni;
She drew it out -,o tie light of day ~
iuv, well she reentered its colore gay,
21 ^ sweet-faced Virgin,"the baby fair -
B^t the mark of the man-child was added there.
0.,-; look of horror the abbess gave,
2ho±L a laugh rippled over h*r face like a wave,
A;:--?, raising bot'^ hands above her head,
"iL;c: Dieut It1., ^trick's!'1 v/as **il she said.
FAEIXIiH 5AYIKGS.
"Thib is a good one on meft said the choir leaderf as the
minister mounted her.
"This is a pretty hard proposition11 said the flapper, sitting
on her sheik.
11 Something fanny is going on here11 said the whoref as the man
put on a green french tickler.
"Here is where the fun comes in11 said the "bride, indicating
her vagina.
"Fare enough" said the conductor, crawling out of the whore's
berth after the third piece of tail.
"The game is worth the candle" said the old maid, and bought
a dozen.
"There is buggery aboard11 said the cabin-boy , as he tasted
shit on the first mate's prick.
"This is running into money11 said the monkey, as he pissed in
the cash register.
"There goes another piece of tail" said the monkey, as he got
too near the busz-saw«
"That was no idle dream", said the chamber-maid, as she stood
the pajamas in the corner.
"Therefs some-thing in that" said the burglar, as he stuck his
hand in the piss-pot under the bed.
"There's something ih that" said the king,as he tapped the belly
of his pregnant daughter.
tfA little goes a long way" said the hummingbird, as he shit
from the limb of the tree overhanging the precipice.
"That remains to be seen," said the monkey as he shit in the
sugarbowl and slyly covered it up.
garni liar Sayings
(continued)
"Ih&t can be looked at from both sides". said the fly as
he shit on the window-pane•
they're offi" said the monkey as he backed into the lawn-
mower*
"Come as often as you can*1 said the chorus-girl to her
bald-headed boy friend*-
"Itfs all right as far as it goes.11 said the wife to her
short-peckered husband*
11 AH that glitters is not gold" said the elephant as he
pissed in the moonlight*
"Nothing stirring there11 said the professor as he stuck a
finger up the mummy18 ass*
"I put my foot in it that time11 said the burglar as he
stepped in the piss pot under the bed*
"We111 have to take the matter up" said the Board of Health
as they followed the elephant up the street*
"Ihat's a great drawback" said the elephant, as he skinned
his prick.
"You canft shit met big boy" said Jonah, hanging on the
whale's entrails*
"Business is picking up" said the street cleaner
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