T&ese are thft "Sengs My Mother Never Taught Me"
«J#ha Jacob Nilea
(Prudes Stay Out)
£ L^>.^ ll'lZ-6S
■1" ^ —ci
Bawdy Wesleyan Songs
SAB Songs
The Five Davs Of Hell Week
On The first day of hell week, my pledge trainer gave to me
A pig in the chapter room!
On the second day...(similarly)
Two swatted pledges, ...and a pig in the chapter roor
Three pledres barfing
Four pledges in stocks
Our Senior hike!
Hell Week Song
(tflne --"Funiculi Funicula")
Hell Week, Hell Week, conies but once a year
To the actives it brings lots of cheer
But not the pledges, not the oledges, not the pledges, cause
they know!
As everyone else does, that Hell Week really blows!
Kick them, beat the®, throw them on4the floor
Slug them, hit them, make them drop for more
But all the pledges^ aU the pledges_etc>
Hallelujah, S^mg* Brothers
The Pi Phi's have the biegest boobs
It's very plain to see
Instead of having milk in them
Therefs beer for S\£
Chorus: I tell you, Sing brother, sing hallelujah,
Sing brothers and let Phi llnha ring
Sing brothers, singf sing, sing
»Vhen Kappa gets the urge
She rubs the golden key
She slaps her ass uoon the ground
\nd yells for SAE
raniel in the lion's den
\s hapny as could be
He knew the lions wouldn't hurt
\ brother SAE
The -.etas are building a brand new hous^
Of that we're very glad
It will be the first erection
That a Beta ever had
\ Phi Gam rfied t^e other day
I z *od Phi C- v.s he
He died a :;-itnr/»l Phi G331 death
A c -ne of old V~D
(PKI CiCik-r.^ M&> FTJ^^
*
...-'. :*; ?
- ^
(SAT; :tfo''.UlAipi?fl*eeZ1k*mttt** , JfW**t*Mj J
^ (flit Crtek Song)
1) Gh the Betas* they wea± ttieit pimk and blue * f^Ulf*^*- v
Oh the Betast they wear their pink and Mae
"The Betas wear their pimk and bltte
(In a high voice) Ifa a Beta, Who are you?
No hiding place down there
2) The Sig £ps are marching one by one
etc*
Bow in the heck can yon have any fun
• pi frrtii f**$)
3) The Thetasf they are a bunch of wrecks
etc.
Turn down the lights — turn on the sex
4) The Pi Phis are the caat>ts& queens
etc*
They get their sex froa magazines (or)
Ohrmy God, what sex machines
5) The DiGis* they are the girls with brains t !>«.&*' G*****'^
etc*
They park with the guys in the darkest lanes
6) The Sig U£sT*they have £he golden touch ##5«JJ0^At^j[f^llWU
etc* ®
Sometimes they touch too such
7) The Theta£they wear the golden kite * K*f?K -^.p^^^C?)
etc*
They say they won't but I think they might
*^.
8) The Sig JI^*they wear the valentine *^ Shp^ H^ tfilt^V( J
etc* *" O
But all their girls are concubines
9) The Tri Delts, they are tried and true * AAA ( r)
etc.
I tried one, why don't you?
<Uj\6i>^^^ I1* Sorry 1 Pledged... (MfKd Tail. OmegitcO
I fn sorry I pledged \T0 I'm sorry I pledged SIB
I Could have dona better. I know Tneyfre making a queer out of *
I hate all my brothers Theyfre not li^e the others
Ardteat^all the others They sleep with their brothers
- I'm sorry I pieced \TO I'm sorry I pledged SVE -^s.
I * \ *.*>«- *, ■ " ' - •" ^
• -"' > " -
'._ - "... ■»** » '•* w
Pi Phi Songs
If* Art The
We are the Fi fttifaf Pi IHi's, are we f^r^. flcfW- ..
We donft tetli^ire fa-virginity (oh horse shit) v J^^mt l4^w^*m
We doa't u%e ■ttr:tl^Bf w* u^e feroost handles £SaC^
We are the Pi Pill girls.
<K
And every nig&t at twtlve oa the doCtS^
We see the wntctesan piss os the rock
We like tht way fee handles his cock
We are the Pi Phi girls * .# q
**»&
High Atore A Pi Phi's Garter ((^ieU/S ^Ci^*^
iHgh stove a Pi Phifa garter*. f*r altare her kne,e
Stands the secret #£ her'pas&ion,. Ear virginity
R£iisr-hbrrshirtS''oa'-hiih*£y:,hkiothfcrs
Lay* her on the grass
All my life Ifve iifed and longed for
A piece of Pi ffhi ass I ^f^ ^u\^^t$SS
lata Song rifi^Tr^^
In the class of f53 there's a son of a gum' like me
And his father shovels hosse shit all the day
So one day when he was lpoungt he found a diamond in the dung
And a Beta T!*eta he turned out to fce
Pang chifij chic* for B^ta ?hetaf flush me once arousd the bowl
Scrcc-one forgot to j?ull the chain, so forever Ifll remain
In the ^rotherhodd of B3ta Theta Pi
,
SAB Song (Phi $82* slas) ^
Face Men |Tsrv>dCft?Ul4Fj)
Face sen of the world, aaitel
Join ua ia the glorious fight _ a i *K lo^S^
We hate Zita. double-breasted tweeds L*"**/ *°Jfi <f 1. t ->
We nust eliamate all lo^s ar>4 seeds. £t*&JV*&* S-»^ouJ/ ^fi""^
Arabs, bigots, Jews t,^ r.ze not *?
\11 that natters is th> i;^.,;y t/s've got
Do not be ditcoura^:-^, or let us get you down
We are by far th3 coolest : ..n- arour.4
-• - ' ' * --' . *• -X -- L,** %* « i *j . j 4 C„ • -« .--^
— —<• - ♦
i,-"} * ^ > -- ■ •*"
Grab Ker By The Mis fp^^O fc^.SiU. Bsfc^THw^
Grafe h#r by the ankle, throw her on the bed
Wrimcle up her nightie, Kiss her pretty head
When sha starts to whisper, when she starts to sigh
Show her that which is the pride ■ . . * * i^Ln^ §£|42*
^Of old Pi LastaSa Phi _ ^ Uii^^icJ^ WArW,^*-
*
?Phi Psi Song
Oa She Steps Of ?hi Psi
Oa the steps of Phi Pai
Crying like hell
Lies a sew bora baby
My' feow that #on of a bieh can yell
Ok mfeo could be its father
Ifeyfee itfs you or I
It's jeat another feastard son
Of Old Phi Psi |j^|
Alpha Sig Song ^ .
To Hiee Las
Mm (iA-ttt&--tf» J
To thee l&&!*£:at I pledge my abortion
The loss of sy virginity;
To the friends I have sade,
And the friends who have sade me
Tlieyfll linger in my pre^£XJ$rf
If I have a daughter, 1*11 gefcS her to college
A& far frca this hole as can ha9
Where Hrjjpa Si53 woo her
Aad Alpha Sigs ^crew her
i:Ca thee Lesbian, I pea l%(*\
mj La Li Lo (^^^C^^^^'O
The Delts they are a real fine crew, hey la li la li lo
They keep their pants on when they coupf hey la li la li lo
The Kapp&s have the Golden Key
The key to th?ir virginity
ftoll Totsr Leg Orer
If all them young ladies were little white rabbit*
Ifd be & hare aad t*& teach thm bid habit*
Chorus^i Roll, fpug leg oirerf roll yotir leg over
~~OTtt~a" Roll, font leg crrer the ean in the moon
If all them young ladle* were bats in a steeple
I'd be a bat; therefd b# more bats than people
If all thefl young ladies were sw^et little kittens
I'd be a Tom eat and make thea new fltti*.**
If all the^ young ladies wert ctite little vixens
I'd be a fox and I'd find tlss$ ami fix *em
If all the^ young ladies were bellsi in * tower
I'd be a seston and bang on tht hour
If all thea young ladles were B-29's
I'd be a fighter ami bazz theif behind*
If all thea young ladies were sifting this song .
It'd be twice as filthy and ten tines as long ^F
If all thea young ladles were stars in the bine
I'd be a'co^et and I'd rip them in two
If all then young ladies were sheep in a pasture
Ifd be a ran ard fiiaise thes rtin faster
If all thea yoting l&dies were cows in the meadow
Ifd be a bull and give thea the devil
If all the^ young ladies were like little chickens
I'd be a rooster and give them the dickens
If all thea yotmg ladies were cows in the lane
\nd I were *a bullf Ety legs would be l&sue
If all thea yotmg ladles were birds of a feather
I'd be a Eawlc; they could sleep In my heather
U
If all thea young ladies were fossils in quarries
Aftd I were a geologist, they would lo$#e all their mores
If all then 7 cm::;* 1 exiles ware like little fishes
I!d be a bl^-fJsli e:.d gr'jrst thera their wishes
(lest cJ^!;t verses :f!ro3 tfcte IrSiana University Archives
of College : j\lz J-Lilc)* "'^
<r
Roll Your Leg Over
(Additional Verses)
If all theri young ladies were like Hansel and Gretel
I would be Hansel and meddle with Gretel
If all them young ladies were like Margaret Of8rien
Ifd try and Ifd try and Ifd still be a tryin1
If all them young ladies were like white roses
Ifd be a gardener and give them doses and doses
I wish all the girls were like Aspenfs ski tow
Ifd pay my two dollars and get on.p
If all them young ladies were leaves ^n the trees*
I'd be the breeze and blow where I please
If all them young ladies were leaves Oft the tree
Ifd be the wind and get in for free
I hope all the girls arenft like Moitle and Toitle
Cause even the smoothest ride makes Moistle foitle
If all them young ladies were carrots in patches
Ifd be a farmer and harvest their snatches
I wish all the girls were ©ares in a stable
And I was a stallion*and I was still able
If all them young ladies were strawberry sundaes
Ifd be a spoon and dip in their undies
I wish little girls were much better skiers
Instead of beer drinkers and constant pea-ers
If all them young ladies were little toy foxes
I'd be a boy and play with their boxes
I wish all the ladies were pieces of pie
And I were a fork, I'd fork till I die
If all therts young ladies were tulips in Holland
And I were a bee, Ifd give them my pollen -
VM laugh and we sing and we joke all about it
Itfs only because we are doing without it
(Vcr55xrs on this page from the Indiana University Library
of \rchiv._-s of College Folk Sen-rs). ..Vv-3
Rail Your Leg Over
(Additional Verses)
If all them young ladies were cars on the highway
I'd strip them and shift them and drive (drag) them down my way
If all thesi young ladies were Michigan crews
Ifd be the*skipper &nd fill them with booze
If all them young ladies were Lillian Russell
find I had the muscle* I'd rustle her bustle
If all them young ladies were* Hedy Lamarr
It'd be twice the expense but they'd go twice as far
If all them young ladies were Gypsy Rose Lee
Ifd be a G-string and think what I'd seel
If all them young ladies lived down on the corals
I'd be Van Johnson, they'd lose all their morals
If all them young ladies were cars on the highway
I'd be a sign and direct them down ay way
If all them young ladies were ties on a railway
I'd be a foreman and lay them the right way
If all them young ladies were like stew in a pot
I'd be a fire and I'd get them all hot
If all them young ladies were like g££$e and gander
I'd be a goose and goose them for damn sure
If all them young ladies were little red shanties
I'd be a fisherman and $h&£k'in their "panties ^
If all them young ladies were blades of green grass
I'd be a lawnmower and gets lots of ass
If all them young ladies were like grass in the valley
And I were the wind, I would blow up their alley
I wish all then young ladies were little green turtles
\nd I were a snakef I'd crawl in their girdles
If all them young ladies were fish in the river
I'd be a mackeral and tickle their liver
If all them young ladies were cute little foxes
Ifd be a hunter and shoot up their boxes
(All verses on this page from the Indiana University
\rchives of College Folk Music) ^ ia£3
43* * **
/# rc/tjei)
Roll Your Leg Over
(Additional Verses)
4
If ill .tfiem young,ladies were up for improvement
I'd give them some help with a ball bearing movement
If all them young ladies were fresh eggs in the n&st
I'd break them all open and see which was best
If all them young ladies were wheels on a car
I'd be a piston and go twice as far
If all them young ladies were diamonds and rubies
I'd be a jeweler and I'd polish (sbiiie up) their boobies
If all them young ladies were bricks in a Dile
And I were a mason, I'd lay them in style
If alj. them young ladies were mares in a stable
I'd be a groorr mounting all I was able
If all them young ladies were little blind moles
I'd find their borrows and fill all their holes
If all them young ladies were fish in a pool
I'd be a shark with a waterproof tool
If all then: young ladies were statues like Venus
I'd chase all the girls with a petrified penis
If all them young ladies were cute cocktail glasses
I'd be a straw a tickling their asses
If all them young ladies were fish in the ocean
I'd be a shark and I'd sh w them the motion
If all thes young ladies were sweet little flowers
1*1 be a bee and suck thetn for hours
1 t3?g y
If all them young ladies were wood on a door ~*\
I'd be a salesman asid I'd knock them for sure J*.
If all them young ladies wore a tiny bikini J?§;
I'd walk around with a three foot bodini* ^ £k pir*i£j
If all them young laiies were flowers in China
I!c be a bee and sting their vagina
If an them young ladies were trees in a forest
I'd be an axe and s^lit their clitoris
I wish thea young ladies was like toy b* J loons
I:d stick in \;.y pin :--.trd sake thea go "bboaa11
I ---ish tb-.:- younj ladies were doughnuts and rolls
Xfi be a biker arj px*ch out tr^ir holes
1 1 .
. \ m , . .. \ - ■ \ . - . * i ' • ( - % * » . H - v - . •
-•.-•■
Xo 11 Yotsy l^g Over
(Additional Verses)
If all thea yotmg ladies were ships on the sea
I'd be a sub and torpedo their Yea
If all them young ladies were telephone poles
I'd be a squirrel and put msts in their holes
If I were a poet and doinf same rhymin1
I'd use my prick for a pen aod write on their hymen y- ^#
If all the© youog ladies were |ood cans of beer
I'd open them up and they'd bring lots of cheer
I wish them young ladies were like girls down in Sydney
And I was a G#I«f I'd show them what's in me
If all them young ladies were like salt in a shaker
Aftd I were the pepper, I surely would make her
If all them young ladies were bread on the shelf
And I were a bakert I'd bake them myself
I wish little girls ware like sweet Aphrodites
And I was old Zeust I'd lift all their nighties
I wish thaa youag; .ladies v^re* little red squirrelies
And I were a gray onef I'd take their whirlies
If all them young ladies were good Jars ef jelly ^
I'd be a label and stick to their bellies
If all them young ladies vers ballets of lead
I'd use my rifle ax>d bang till I fn de&4
If all the^ young lr.dies wire like wine in a glass
Ifd get so druri that Ifd fall on my ass
If all then young ladies were moles in the grasses
And I were a mole I'd s&ell the molasses
If all them young ladies were solutions to find
.And I were a frosh I'd plug and I'd grig^ (verse from Cal# Tech)
I wish thea young ladies iea§ 2x / 2t
Then I would integrate then d~nc (verse from Cal Tech)
If all thess young Indies r:re wrecks on the shoals
I'd be a shipwright z\:i pl"Jg np their holes
If all them youcg Irises u^re vessels of clay
I'd be the potter ;-* 5 x:Jr.z thea all day
If All the:s yc*!.„j l-..':lcs !.:ra birds ia tLe trees
And I were the wind I ^-;uld stir up a br^e^e
%,.*•*,.-./ %\°^-*xf *-"* f- * f*'.-*-V=/
"i C«»fc**w|p -y~ ******* #,r^*«^ w-~-v
toil. Test, h&g Over
{A&ditie&al Vsrsea.)
If all thea yousg ladies were gigantic whales
I'd It a barnacle mud set #n their tails
If all tbes y@ung ladies were walking #a iee
4sd I were a fish wdalda't that be nice
(fli|&r£f
Additional Verses And Variants to "Pour Nights Drunk"
ItTs nothing but a pisspot my H^nny gave to me..*
Well I travelled this wide world over..* etc*
But a J.B, Stetson pisspot, I've never seen before ♦
I casie'-fccae the next night, so drunk I could not see
I spied a pole in my wife's holef where my pole ought to be
etc.
It's nothing but a rolling pin ssy Granny gave to me
Well I've travelled this wide world over', 10,000 miles or more
But a rolling pin with balls? on itf I never did see before %>
I came home the next nightt so drunk I e&uld not see
I spied a body in the be4, where isyself fehould have been
etc*
What's this body doing in the bedf where myself ought to be
etc. It's nothing but a hound dog my mother gave to me!
Well I travelled this wide world over, l6,000 miles or more
But a hound with circumcision, I never did see before
(verse by Jack Ingle)Cpr%b. *r*tjfriaCj
4s simj Wy J#« Hicfce*wi
r^lc
TfaeJ5«Ri~£ Canal
(Additional Verses)
The cook she was a daisy
With lots of love to spare
A bosom like a boxcar
And enough for all to share
Well by Syracuse we saw some broads
A running from the storm
We took them all to bed with us
And there we kept them wars
When we staggered back on deck
The Captain lost his raind
We missed the slack at Buffalo
We'd left it far behind
Now the girls are all in Police Gazette
The Captain is in jail
And I aa the only SOB
Who's left to tell the tale |^ 0 r*«^
rec'JU J
Last Might I Stayed Up Late,..
(Tune - "Funiculi Punicula!*)
Last night I stayed up late to Masturbate
It felt so good, I knew it would
Last night I stayed up late to Masturbate
It felt so nice, I did it twice
You should see me on the long strokes
It feels so peat, I use my feet
You should see me on the short strokes
It feels so grand, I use my hand
Slip it, beat it, twirl it on the floor
Squeeze it, rub it, do it again some more • * »
(repeat first verse-?>~-{fe& t?j4*ce mhimj sim*n*2
Wionepeg Whore
My first trip up the Chippewa Riverf
My first trip to the Canadian shore;
There?-I"met:a young*: Miss 0fFlanagan
Commonly known as the Winnipeg whore!
Commonly known as the Winnipeg whore I
Then she said to me ,fI think I know you11
As she sat upon ay knee*
f,How about a little loving,
Dollar and a half is the usual fee;
Dollar and a half is the usual fee.tf
Then she took me gently by the aris;
I didn't know what she was about
Till I roissed my watch and my wallet*
ftHoly Moleyf,f I cried out*
"Holy Moley," I cried out*
Then out came the whores, the sons of the bitches,
Out to the tune of forty or more*
I left my coat, my shirt and my britches.
And I went a-hig&t&iling: out of~tfeat door..
I vent a-hightailing dtit of that door*
In Winnipeg I learned my lesson --.
Learned it well fcause I learned it there.
If you want to visit a Winnipeg whore, boy$,
Better make sure that you visit her bare*
Better make sure that you visit her bare.
Marilyn Todd (Hagen), Ohio Wesleyan
University, October, 1958
Dick Reuss, Ohio Wesleyan Universit*
collector
%%
lTttvuw*vy
pick offered a ^£*a%€?
to f ell ry egs^
Biclt keep ywsr cpfirtp*f
I dsc^t.jsffidfc io-staaX*.
As f tor sy p&s^y
-fo^T ptGLoono to f&@l#u
Ba palled \§? ay d^esa
acd cy putties iat faH*
I stood lho?e lika ?£?33%
Ihe f eirc&t of aH#
On zy p2i^ HtHa to^y
t&itor tfcaa exae^
fha thick huljr ourled
in ifea TOllay'.tM&aw*
Ha felt sy asa
and petted w thi|^s#
&&I0 spread wids ops't^
I _«£3 prerad of tlsair tdsa«
Uhila bJa hzx& pgmmd batve&i ths%
I F&srted to plis*
Gosh! VJfaat a wcedsrful
f ealing of KLIss*
His fingiS3*t3 lay casSLaA
on zy pussyf a soft tedr#
I wished tfe&t forcer
Ms hand could stay thsr©*
I cper-rd his fly
aM psllod cut Ms cetfc*
It ms pomiding cM throhing
_ as hard aa a roc&u v
Ills cock felt so hot
and rjr pussy did toe^
So I 1^3w in a corsant
vo vare going to acre?,
lie laid ns doim
in tho prstty grean fp-css,
mth his head on ny kaohs
oM his hand on zy &gS#
#£ JMif /r^i j ^v
^ ^*.
7 ""
^*5/e
"*J
V 7tlu
Eiii pric& broka ry holo
asd it fait ao good,
t&at ha knosr ri^it ©ay ^
ths£b I bad Bsrf^r teen' acsrewad*
-tiha& & ^tferiU^ia feeling,
**&»' ha opssad ny elit* •
I tboo^bt for a isirscto^
I ms going to shit*
Ifef ClU I Shit?
lying on the grooad* s*
W3Lth sy csxat ^tr©t^s?dAti|^tf
-That sy m^^iola ves nc^&^re to h® tmad*
SELs tells ware ss large
ma Urn aags. of a dxicSu
Bssey did tt^br pcirt ¥allf
His &SB m^tqs JKrst
S3^3 then it ma dosm*
ftit I kept aina gadl„ng
nroi^d sM isrotaod*
S-^jr pis^ ^oatflHed
idtii e^ok ta ^a hilt«
2*3 harder h& pRa^kad
Urn batter ft felt%
1 lat rysalf gof
aad faint^a a^ay*
2 &onft te^ju lKn# long
I vsss ocrt till ttda dsy#
Khan I m^ka
from %£xrrt second like a dress,
fctsa tha crs^: of ry coat
fl£%^d a ziv^r ^ ctbctw
2x0 hot atraan ran
thi(& and faat«
I kr«# I KS3 getting
ry first piaca of asa*
Dielcfs oodk, ^dthdreu
"kdth a lot tesc&su hood.
as if it vsra a-drsad
fbr-fe^tinu uy y^^
Xau rsy say this 1b nca^ity
B-^t ery vhfit yen n^y
I*d go to tho patch
h you aay d^r#
5 ,
-?
*^ i #-• —■/
Seven Old Ladies
C&ctra Verses)
The second old lady was quite a sot
Qmriie the financier^ daughter* Dot
She was so stixAin1 she missed the pot
And nobody knew she was there
The fifth old lady was Abigail Doyle
Who hadnft been living according to Koyle
She was relieved to find it was only a boil
And nobody knew she was there
The sixth old lady was C&arlotta Yancey
She thought she felt something tickling her fancy
She found it was only ^t^ in her pantsies
And nobody knew she was there
The last old lady was Laura Strogh
Her sexual desire had been lying low
Instead of coming she decided to go
And nobody knew she was there
The next old said was Sully Mg&lwd&et
She case in because of her bladder
But nhen she was in she was wi^er but sadder
.And nobody knew she was there
The fourth old aaid was Betty Valier
She.caae in to adjust her brassiere
It seeas the thing had slipped round to the rear
And nobody knew she was there
The fifth old maid was Evelyn Schuster
She case in cause sone wolf had seduced her
But it was only a busp in the mattress that goosed her
And nobody knew she was there
The sixth old maid was Eniily Kertle
She cane in to straighten her girdle
She pulled and she tugged but it wouldn't fit Mertle
And nobody knew she was there
The seventh old raaid was old Minnie Brown
Everyone snickered when Minnie sat down-
Cause when she did she sure went to tmm
J^d-,nobody knew she was there
The fifth old lady was Elizabeth Bloomer
She went in to see what was wrong with her bloomers
She wished she'd got there a little bit sooner
And nobody knew she was there
The sixth old lady was Elizabeth Gensberg
Who ^ent in to get rid of a digested hamburg
The other old ladies a splash and a flush heard
And nobody >:r-ew she wts there
(cont'd)
SsVtn Ot> iM^uA «»«f»
The eighth old lady was old lady^^i^fway
Who tripped and fell down as she ran and yelled "gangway"
She get upf said she wouldn't have made it there anyway
And nobody ^ar#d she was there
Ihe first to go in was old Mrs* Finn
Who prided herself on being so thia
But when she sat down the poor dear fell ia
And nobody knew she was there
The third to go was old Mrs* Murray
She had to go in a hell of a harry
When she got there it was too late to worry
And nobody knew she was there
The fourth to go was old Mrs. Sickle
She hurdled the door cause she hadn't a nickle
Caught her foot in the bowlt what a hell of a pickle
And nobody knew she was there
The last to go was old Mrs* Brewster
Her eyesight isnft as good as it aster
She sat on th6 handle and swore soaeone goosed her
And nobcwiy knew she was there
T%e eighth old ladyf Elizabeth O'Toole
She stopped in the John on her ^4y losae from night school
~Birt it^fear^etrrfryitHS ~fehs. girt^*tttS3t^oa^thm-. ■ st&*l
And nobo€y knew she was there
The ninth old lady was Elisabeth Erisa
She'd been there for hours and now she tras cryin*
But nevertheless she kept tryia* and tryia1
And nebody knew she was there
The tenth old lady, Eliz&bsth Peters
She st&pped ia the John so no one would see her
And while she was there, adjusted her cheaters
Aad nobody knew she was there
The eleventh old la^y iras Elizabeth Draper
She found that the jcin was all out of paper
She sat there ia h^pes that seeseone would save her
Aad nobody knew she was there
The janitor e&ate in on Saturday morning
He unlocked the chamber without sjiy warning
He completely collapsed when they all cause out swarming
. 4t :last '*s»^b&d7"fcwt'^ -thkj were there
•verses fro*3 the Irdiaca University Archives of College
Songs save for the first verse on this page*
*
^V ^^£^j rn£n'* mzzr%j £.!£-£ 3*
National Enbalming School
We live for you, we die for you,
National Enbalming School*
^a do our best to give you rest,
National Enbalming School•
We build a coffin out of tin
And dig a hole to put you in*
We live for you, we die for you,
National Enbalming School*
Post-Mortea, post-mortem, post-mortem,
Autopsy we must have*
Post-mortem, post-mortem, post-mortem,
Autopsy we must have.
Cut, slice* slash,the corpse for we must ha\e a reason,
Gads, how the body smells, it must be out of season*
Connie Rolfe, Kalamazoo, Michiga:
September, 1953.
Dorothy Shepard, Charlotte,
Michigan, collector
Tune: ^,Tannenbatlmf,
To thee we sing, to thee we drool,
National Enbalming School*
We stuff the corpse, we stuff the ghoul,
National Enbalming School.
If you feel hollow deep inside
We fill you with formaldehyde*
Coir boys get hot ere you get cool,
National Enbalming School.
National Enbalming School, Death
Valley
Printed by Sing^ Out 1^, Volume 7,
No. 1 (Spring, 1957), p. 21*
The Tt^ei^fc Days Of Christmas
On the first day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
A hand job in a pear tree
On the second day of Christmas
My tree love gave to me
Two brass balls
And a hand job in a pear tree
C c-5 P: 11 a r 1 v )
(Siffiilarly)t
Three French ticklers
Four Nuns humping
Five Niggers hunching
The CO&MLSSSsgg
Cool as the fish in the bottos of the pool
Cool as the knob on an Eskimofs tool
Cool as the dew on a blade of grass
Cool as the ring around a polar bearfs ass
Cool as the nuts on an Arctic squirrel
Cool as the boobs on an Eskimo girl
Cool as a bucket of penguin piss
Have you ever seen anything as cool as this?
-above^songs from Delta Chi Fraternity J 1962*
School Days
Sdhool days, school days
Poker, crap and pool days
Necking and petting and how to be fast
Taught to the tune of a whiskey flask
You were my beau in BVDfs
I was your queen in pink chemise
You wrote on my slate "you1 re too damn slow*'
fCause we have a couole of kids"
-frotn the IU college folksong archives^
Down fa The Subway
Down In the subway
Way under the grouad
A little black porter
Goes putting around;
Cleans out the basins
And he washes the towels
And he works to the rhythm
Of the movement of the bowels
I got those shit house blues
Cas@y»»*
Casey was hit by a bucket of shit
And the band played on
He wait red'round! the floor with a thirty cent whore
And the band played on
His balls were so loaded they nearly exploded
The poor girJLldid shake with alarm
He ©arried the bitch with the ctothe like a ditch
And the band played on
Days Of Christmas
On the first day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
A douche bag 4s a pear treei
Two purple tits
Three maidens l&ying
Four fuckers fucking
Five pubic - hairs•••
(Songs from the Indiana University Archives of College
Polk Music), $ (g£$ "
CrtoJSi)
Nursery Rhymes
Jack and Jill went up the hill
Each one had a quarter
Jill came down with fifty cents
They didnft go for watte
Old mother Hubbard
Went to the cubboard
To pet her poor dog a bone
But when she bent over
«fc
Rover took over There was an old woman *
\nd she rot bred instead Who lived in a shoe
She had so many children
Humpty Dumoty sat on a wall *&* uterus fell out!
Huffipty Dumpty had a great fall
\ll the king's" horses
And all the king's men
Shit!
Mary, Mary, quite contrtry
How doe? your garden grow
With silver bells and cockle shells
\nd the rest all fucked with weeds
Ding rong Dellf Pu?sy in the well
Hey what the hell
Is \ good piece of ass
Doing in the well
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Hong cine a soider and sat down
br^i'le her
\n6 bit tier in the cunt
Little Jack Horner
Sat in a corner
Eating his sister
Peter, Peter Puropkineater
Had a wife and couldn't
Jick be nimble, Jac be quick
Jick jumped over the candle stick
Greit bills of fire!
Old ^ing Cole
HTas \ n;erry old plop
Hic'Tory F Ickory dock
rwo nice ran uo the clocfe
The clock struck on*?
\nd the other e^ci^ed with minor injuries M^
Kar;- hr: a little 1 arr-b _*W<# ^Clw.L^^1^**'
Soy the doctor was fake* out " ^'""/T , i <J '
-*-\
'vW*>""
Limerick*
There once was a maid ftcm Wheeling
Who h&d a most wonderful feeling*
She laid on her back and tickled her crackf
And pissed all over the ceiling*
There once was a man fro® Adairf
Who was screwing a maid on the stair.
The banister broke, but he doubled his stroke
End finished l?er off in mid-air*
There was an old hermit named Dave.
Who dragged a dead whore to his cave*
She had only one tit, and stunk like shit,
But think of the soney Dave saved*
There once was a boy in our plassf
Whose balls were made out of brass*
He clanged them together and played "Stormy Weather*u
And lightning shot out of his ass*
There once was a young man from Leeds*
Who swallowed a package of seeds*
Great tufts of grass grew out of his ass
And his balls were covered with weeds*
There once was a sailor named Dean.
Who invented a jackoff machine*
Both concave and convex, it would soothe either sex,
But oh what a bastard to cleanJ
Tnere once was a is an from Nantucket,
Whose prong was so long he coul$ suck it.
He said with a grin, as he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a cunt, I would fuck it.H
There once was a man from Kent,
Whose prong was extremely bent.
To avoid any trouble he stuck it in double,
And instead of coning he went.
There was a young rsaid fro® Bensuder,
Who wed a young nan named McGruder*
She thought it so crude to be wooed in the nude,
But McGruder v?as cruder and screwed her.
There was a young said froni Madras,
Who had a nost beautiful ass.
Not round and pink as you might thioJc,
But was tall, had long ears and ate grass*
(Cont'd)
There once was a woman froia Cetroit
Who at fucking us most adroit*
She could contract Her v&gina.<i& a pinpoint or-finer,
Or blow it out fail like a quoit*
There was a young lady fro® Charlotte
Who lived on toe jaa and snot*
She slipped onsoae shitt broke open her titf
And crabs crawled out of her twat*
There once was a boy froa Flat Rock
Who played a bass viol with kis cock«
With a tremendous erection he would play a selection
frota Johann Sebastian Bach.
There was a young lady froa France
Who jtrnped on the train by chance*
The engineer fticked her *4 ^i£ the conductor,
While the brakeman case in his pants*
There once was a young lady fron the Azores
Whose cunt was all covered with sores*
The dogs on the stre# used to eat the green meat
That hung in festoons frc^a her drawers*
There w&s a yown| lady nased Alice
Who used a dynsssite stick for a phallus*
They found her vagina in North Carolina
And half of her hysen in Dallas*
Froa a text submitted by John
R* Little, Ponti&c. Michigan
and Ciarles W* Crandall,
Birmingham, Michigan, n*d*
There was a yoing aas froa Green Bay
Who was laying his girl in a sleigh,
The air was so JfrigM it fro^e hj,s cock rigid,
And all he could shoot was frappe
Titian was mixing rose matter,
While his tsodel sat on a ladder*
Her position to Titian suggested coition,
So he cliab-sd up the ladder and htd fer*
There was a yotr.sg tt^n narssd KcGhee
¥^\o was laying his Qirl by the sea*
She said srLct*s st&rt running. I think someone 9s cos lag *w
K^.^r.ifl nDr>n?i t-3 silly* That's.»-3.H
Chorus #1
That was a very fine thymef
Sing me another verse some other time*
Sing me another verse, just like the other verse;
Sing me another verse now.
Chorus #2
Aye aye aye aye, in Giina they do it for phili;
So sing me another verse, worse than the other verse,
Walts me around again, Willy.
Collected from Ralph Lueders,
Chicago, Illinois: David S.
Mabey, Indianapolis, Indiana;
and John W. Bodzek, Evansville,
Indiana, November, 1961.
William Banta, Portland, Indiana,
collector
There was a young lady from Cape Cod
Who thought all children cause from God.
But it wasnft the almighty who lifted her nightie,
But Roger the lodger, by God.
rhere was ayoung lady from Gaul
Who went to a newspaper ball.
Her dress caught on fire and burnt her attire,
Front page, sports section and all.
There was a young couple named Kelly
Who woke up sleeping belly to belly.
Because in their haste they used library paste
Instead of petroleum jelly.
There was a young man from the interior
Whose morals were quite inferior.
He did to a nun what he shouldn't have done
And now shefs a mother suoerior.
There once was amonk frcsi Siberia
Whose life grew v^earier and wearier.
He shot from his cell with a hell of a yell.
And eloped with the Mother Superior.
There was a young man from Lapeer
Who got drunk on a bottle of beer.
He fell in a ditch, the poor son' of a bitch,
and a bull dog pissed in his ear*
There once wm a lady n&s&d Stol©
Who was exceedingly drole*
She went to & ball dressed An nothing at all,
knd backed in as a parker house roll*
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who went to hell in a bucket♦
When he got there they asked for his fare,
So he^^Sipped out his dick and said "Suck it!11
There once was a man fro® Seattle
Who had screwed a lot of cattle*
His femlfs hung so low he tied them in a bow
And swung thea over his saddle.
There once was a lady frosa St* Paul
Who went to a birth control ball*
She bought all devices at fabulous pricesf
But .nobody asked her at all*
Hie re once was a coed from State
Who had a desire to ®ate
When her skirt would flutter the boys, they would shudderj
She had not~-a box but a crate*
There once was a boy froa Lagoon
Whose parents just couldn't comune*
He had not the luck to be born of a fuck,
But a wet dreas scooped up in a spoon*
There once was a ®an froa Kent
Who gave up masturbation for lent*
His hand ntret played till the Easter parade
&nd millions wire drowsed when he went*
There once was a san froa the Rita
i€ho planted ten acres of tits*
They cajsie up is the fall, red nipples and all,
Asd he knelt down and gnawed thes to bits*
There once was a fellow from Boston
Who drove around in an Austin
There warn, room for his ass and a gallon of gas,
But his balls hung out and he lost fea*
There was a sajiciaa na^ed Rowls
Who per forced at best crasic halls;
His favorite trick was to spin on his prick,
ai*l roll off the st&ge oa his balls*
There once wsls a rsan f reca Bombay
Who fashioned a ctTnst out of ci&y*
The heat fron his prick turned cley into brick,
And wore all his foreskin awry*
BiaM a text from Dick Long, MSU, fall
1954.
Robert Ward, Pontiac, Michigan,
collector
There was a young lady from Brewster
Who dreamt that a sa&n had seduced her*
But when she awoke * twas all a big jokef
•fWas a bunp in the mattress that goosed her*
From a text from Christine Bicking,
Fartaington, Michigan, 1944
Janet MeFarlane, Detroit, Michigan,
collector
There was an old couple from Sayville
Whose habits were quite neidival;
They would strip to the skin, then each take a pin
And pick lint from the other one's narel.
Frois a text from John C. Livengood,
South Bend, Indiana, collected
while at MSU, 1951-56.
There was ayoung san from Sparta,
Who was a prodigious farter.
He could fart anything from "God Save the King"
To Beethoyenfs "Moonlight Sonata.tf
From a text from George Abraham,
Detroit, Michigan, 1945
There was a girl from Norway
Who hung by her heels from the doorway.
She shouted with glee, "Oh, come look at me...
I think I*ve discovered one ©ore way.11
£rc*ji a-texft-froa Jokn Osborne, Lartsi^
Michigan, November 14, 1954
Tan McDonald, Burbank, California,
collector
Additional Limericks
There was a girl frost New York
Who soon was expecting the stork.
So with utsost precaution she performed an abortion
With two tablespoons and a fork.
There was an old lady froa Spainf
Who said she would do it againf
And again and again, and again and again,
And again and again and again*
There once was a girl from Thrace
Whose corset was quite hard to lace.
Her mother said "Nelly, there's sore in your belly
Than ever went in through your face.11
H*ere was a young ©an froa Calcutta,
Who lay beating his meat in the gutter.
But out case the sun and ruined all his fun
,Cause it changed all his creas to butter*
There was a young It^dy so handgose
Who used to make lore in a transom*
Mien she hollered for nore, came a voice from the floor,
,fMy naioe is Simpson, not Sampson.11
There was a you&g lady mused Gloria,
Who was had hy Sir Gerald da M&urier.
And then by sisc men. Sir Gerald again,
And the band at the Waldorf-Astoria*
A young lad with passions quite gingery,
Tore a hole in his sister's best lingerie*
He pinched her behind, then eade tip his mind
To add incest to insult to injury*
A broken down harlot named Tfctpps
Was heard to confess in her cups
"The height of my folly was wooing a collie,
But I got a nice price for the pups."
There was a young lady of Bxeter,
So pretty that men craned their necks at her*
One was even so brave as to take out and wave
The distinguishing snarls: of his sex at her*
An oversexed lady na&ed White
Insists on a dozen a night*
A fellow mmed Cheddar had the brashness to wed her;
His chance of survival is slight*
Said a pretty young student from Smith
Whose virtue was largely a myth,
IfTry as hard as I can, I can't find a man
hTho it*s fun to be virtuous with*"
There wag a young girl frota ICnises,
With breasts of two different siaes.
One was so ssall it wts nothing at all,
But the other was large and won prises.
One night a girl had an affair
With a fellow all covered with hair.
Then she picked up his hat and realized that
She9d been had fey Ssokey the Bear*
There was a young maiden frost Sias,
Who said to her lover, young Khayyaa,
f?To seduce ne, of course, you will have to use force,
Thank goodness you1re stronger than I am."
There was a young girl *rho begat
Three babies narcd Nat, Pst and Tat.
It was fun in the breeding but hell in the feeding,
When she fou^d there v?as no tit for tat.
\ pretty young r^Iden frc<3 France
r-ocv-i-d 5r-£*d just fltE.Ve a chance.ft
SLe 2■-.-•! r-errrslf go for as hot^r or so,
vii i.nvs all l,cz sicters are s^nts.
There t*as a ycttng San &&sed KcT^visS*
An anthropoid, he decided-to $*?iftfe*
But in the heat of the r&p* fee got the wrong ape,
And the anthropoid ravished MeTarialu
There was a yotmg ^an from St* Fan!
Who attended- a Masquerade ball*
Just as a stunt he went dressed as a'cunt
And got laid by a dog in the hall*
There warn a qtseer fro® Rangoon
Who took a lesbian up to his ro<m#
They argued ail sight about who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whoa*
There was a pirate naeed Bates
Who did a fandangle on skates*
Till he fell on his cntlass, which rendered him nutless,
And practically useless on dates*
Jenia B. Bios. Lakewood, Ohio,
January 121 1961. This wis
taken fro® a text mimeographed
up by the Ohio State University
Sailing dub.
There was a young maiden of Chester,
Who said as -her M^£rieM caasassed her*
^Kthin&^oiilJUfjtki^f^€^ir# you*d best enter the rear,
For the front one's beginning to fester•"
There was an old nan of Dundee.
Who tmrgered an ape in a tree.
The restilts were most horrid, all ass asd no forehead,
Six tits and a psrple goatee*
-Rfc&aca text frost Elise Bennet,
MSU, Kay 31, 1951.
Stie Henderson, Jackson, Michigan,
collector
There once was a ifett;/fs^^rih2iSi£art
Who had-an.-affair witiJa ti^er*
Th€ results of his sin, was triplets r>ot twins,
Three gnats zj*A a circus S.££d spider.
There once y-zs a lady tz^rtd C;rtle
Who wkjs rcpei at eez ty a turtle*
One day in a cab, she g&rs 1-irtii to a crab,
Proving the turtle wzm fertile*
A teaa playing baseball in Dallas
Called the umpire blind out of sal ice*
While this worthy had fits, the team made eight hits
tod a girl in the bleachers a&Red Alice.
God's plan mzde a hopeful beginningr
But san spoiled his chances by sinning*
We trait that the story *fill end in Godfs gloryf
Bat at present, the other side's winning.
Prom the text in PI ayboy t Septe^W
1963*