Sivu 1 Wuorikautiset
IN THIS
ISSUE:
106 + 1
Blond
jokes.
Great
SAUNA
games.
What happened
to
Olof
Palme?
What happends
in
the future?
- A forecast
for
next 7
days.
Weather
and
comics, of
cource...
Wuorikautiset Sivu 2
The Complete Set Of
Blonde Jokes.
1. Q: What do you call
a blonde with half a
brain? A: Gifted!
2. Q: How do blonde
braincells die? A:
Alone.
3. Q: What do you
call a blonde with 2
brain cells? A: Pregnant.
4. Q: How do you
brainwash a
blonde?
A: Give her a
douche and shake
her upside down.
5. Q: What do you
call it when a blonde
dies their hair
brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
6. Q: How does a
blonde part their
hair?
A1: (Action of scissoring
legs apart)
A2: By doing the
splits.
7. Q: Why aren't blondes
good cattle
herders?
A: Because they
can't even keep two
calves together!
Rock,
Whatever you have been told beforehand, a certain fact is that we
have polarbears
in Finland. We live in real apartments and houses, not in tent
villages or igloos.
Nobody comes to the U with snowmobile. Our mother brest feed us
normally instead
of giving vodga. On the other hand, we have never ever been part of
Soviet Union
and we are not at all more sosialistic than the USA. Naturally our
culture has many
aspects and influences similar to Russia, Sweden, Canada, the UK,
Germany and the
USA, in other words: We love vodga, hamburgers, ice-hockey, beer &
sausages and
other similar things. All this is because we have been a border
between east and west
throughout our entire history.
Finland's nature and clean air are in the league of their own. I
wish you will get
a chance to known it as we do. Snow fights is a nice way to spend
your time especially
if you aim at the members of the quilds board or other similar
moving targets.
An other good way to make your hosts happy is to throw them to snow
and "snow
wash" them, that is, to apply snow to neck and face with rubbing
movements. Other
recommendations would be naturally sauna and ice swimming and
rolling in snow.
Words of wisdom: if you do not have your clothes on and you go out
from sauna do
NOT stay out for days, weeks, etc. You just might freeze to death.
If you have fun through all these days you will be part of the
finnish tribe. You
need to learn to swear too (PERKELE, VITTU, SAATANA) and make rude
jokes
about swedes (dear neighbours) and you are almost a finn. To go all
the way through
you need to talk about your feelings only when you are heavily drunk
and chase your
family out of your house to the freezing forest an ax in your hand
and cry in enermous
self pity - you have made it. You are FINNISH.
Editor Risto "Kepa" Lahtinen
typical finnish male
Editors Comment
Sivu 3 Wuorikautiset
8. Q: What did the
blonde's right leg
say to the left leg?
A: Nothing.
They've never met.
9. Q: Why do blondes
wash their hair
in the sink?
A: Because, that's
where you're supposed
to wash vegetables!
10. Q: When does a
brunette have 1/2 of
a brain?
A: After a dye job.
11. Q: Why didn't the
blonde want a window
seat on the
plane?
A1: She'd just
dyed her hair.
A2: She'd just
blow dried her hair
and she didn't want
it blown around
too much.
12. Q: Why do blondes
wear their hair
up?
A: To catch everything
that goes over
their heads.
13. Q: Why is it good
to have a blonde
passenger?
A: You can park in
Description Page
Fist Page 1
Editors Comment 2
Owerview 3
Setting the Stage 4
Well come to earth, Bartenders special 5
THE ONES WHO MAKE YOUR LIFES MISERABLE 6
THE ONES WHO MAKE YOUR LIFES MISERABLE 7
Map of the journey 8
The Schedule 9
International Zoo 10
How to behave desantly 11
Finnish Games, part I 12
Finnish Games, part II 13
Finnish cuisine 14
Advertisement 15
Advertisement 16
Like two Berries 17
Song Book 18
Song Book 19
Vocabulary - How to become a Finn 20
Index
Wuorikautiset Sivu 4
the handicap zone.
14. Q: What was the
blonde psychic's
greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience!
15. Q: Why is a
blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get
fucked up when
they're on their
back.
16. Q: What do Darren
Millane
(Collingwood footballer
killed in a
recent car
crash) and a blonde
have in common?
A: Put either of
'em in a car and
their fucked.
17. Q: What's a
blonde's favorite
nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme
Dumpme.
18. Q: How do you
make a blonde's
eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight
in their ear.
19. Q: How do you
get a blondes eyes
to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in
HELLO!
Welcome You all! I hope you will enjoy the International student
week here in could
and north Finland and one warning. In Finland we have white big
bears which might
be very dangerous but don’t be afraid because only what you have to
remember is
(if situation look dangerous) BEARS LOVE KOSKENKORVA so keep at
least one
bottle always into your pocket when you are here in Finland.
You are now reading our great and beautiful guild newspaper. In this
newspaper we
have tried to get good, bad and useful information what you might
need and remember
every written word is TRUE.
I hope you have prepared this week because during this week you
won’t sleep at all.
You’re going to use alcohol too much and ( if you will remember)
you’ll get to
know some basis of the our culture, lifestyle and the real hot
Sauna.
KIPPIS! LISÄÄ VIINAA SILMÄT LIIKKUU!
Loord Olli
Words from straight true chairman’s head!
Sivu 5 Wuorikautiset
her ears.
20. Q: Why should
blondes not be
given coffee
breaks?
A: It takes too
long to retrain
them.
21. Q1 How can you
tell if a blonde's
been using the
computer?
A: There's whiteout
on the screen.
Q2: How can you
tell if another
blonde's been using
the computer?
A: There's writing
on the white-out.
22. Q: What's the
difference between
a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have
to punch information
into a computer
once.
23. Q: What do a
blonde and your
computer have in
common?
A: You don't know
how much either of
them mean to you
until they go
down on you.
24. Q: What did the
blonde think of the
Tott ghoS tera’ !!!
’oh ghaj tIhIH haDev. Jih tul ’e’ het lFj lehg Jah toH. NuqDuq tlhIh
lIj Duj. Vam
Hogh tlhIh ghaj. Lon laH laH Dung Dach JeH. ghong chung laj laj naw'
bong bong
ma'. ma'mey tlhej ta'rIn ta'ta'mey om vaj rommey vI' vI'. mey qar
pum pummey pum
'oy'. oy'mey chav chavmey chav chavmey pey peymey Suq Suqmey Vang
vangmey
chu' chu'mey chel chelmey latlh SoQ LIS Ilsmey LoH.
IoHmey LoH IoHmey 'aj 'ajmey Ho Homey ChID. chIDmey Duv Duvmey 'Itil
ghol
qeS 'o' pov povmey. vIp tum Duy VaQ Qighpej Qighpejmey Bep. Qochbe
Satlh
BoQ QaH BoQ boQDu' HichDal HichDalmey. Ghum ghummey ghuH ghuHmeyghuH.
nov novmey Hoch Bog chaw' nIteb. mob je choH 'Iv reH Duy'a'
Duy'a'mey. NIch poj poj gempa' no' tIQ je 'ej. QeH Ha'DibaH NuQ jang
jangmey
rugh.
Hey Nrgh tlho' ghoS naD 'oD yoS yoSmey ghoH. DeS NuHHom mangghom gop
paw nuHmey. nuHmey Sal Nenghep tuH tlhob ghom. yej chov boO boQ
ghopDap.
ghopDapmey muD muDmey Hiv. NID qIm llolSeHcha. llolSeHchamey woQ
van'a'.
van'a'mey qqq 2364.233.23117-DX
’aj inaJ
tott ghoS tera’ 4.70.12- Well come to
Finland
PACK - ICE
4 cl Koskenkorvan viina
2 cl Sorbus vine
2 dl Ice cubes or snow
Mix Koskenkorva and Sorbus. Crush
ice. Add Crushed ice to glass. Stirr but
not blend. Feel free to use more Korkenkorva
if You like…
MATTOCK
5 cl Finlandia Vodka
4 cl Koskenkorvan Viina
4 cl Battery
1 tbl spoon sugar
Mix Koskenkorva, Finlandia and Batterry.
Add sugar. Blend liquid roughly. Drink and enjoy the feeling!
Behind the Bar
Wuorikautiset Sivu 6
new computer?
A: She didn't like
it because she
couldn't get channel
9.
25. Q: Why do blondes
wear shoulder
pads?
A: (With a rocking
of the head from
side to side) I
dunno!
26. Q: How do you
kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in
their shoulder pads.
27. Q: How do blondes
pierce their
ears?
A: They put tacks
in their shoulder
pads.
28. Q: Why don't
blondes eat Jello?
A: They can't figure
out how to get
two cups of water
into those
little packages.
29. Q: What do you
call a blonde with a
dollar on the top of
their head?
A: All you can eat,
under a buck.
30. Q: Why don't
blondes eat pickles?
In other words here is the board....
THE ONES WHO MAKE YOUR LIFES
MISERABLE
®
Marisanna Koponen,
The lady that keeps the board in
control while driving guys crazy.
Tame her and you can tame everything...
Olli President
¬
Olli Sihvo,
The local king of apes. He's the man that went to Philiphines
and tamed all the animals in jungle.
Greetah, Olli bungolo!!
Marisanna Viceolli
Jani Money
®
Jani Salo,
( The brother of the famous
finnish F1 driver Mika Salo )is
He is to blame, if You feel like
You are short on something,.
He sits too tight on the chest.
Sami Exq. Master
¬
Sami Vapalahti.
What I could say... If somethings fucks up badly during
the trip or You didn't like it,
blame him.!
Anu Intaffairs
®
Anu Laulajainen.
You all are here, aren't you. So
she must be efficient. And
throughout at least
when it becomes sending faxes...
Sivu 7 Wuorikautiset
®
Tanja Lampinen,
She is the becoming lady of whip. She She stunns
you with pure energy
and with the smile that
newer dies...
¬
Pekka Montola,
He arranges the booze and food for You.
Or actually he provides you everything.
You want something, he's the man.
®
Hanna Leväniemi,
The fastest hand on earth :) . Like all secretaries,
hard to beat.
A: Because they
can't get their head
in the jar.
31. Q: Why don't
blondes eat bananas?
A1: They can't
find the zipper.
A2: They cant find
the pull tab.
32. Q: Why do blondes
wear hoop earrings?
A: They have to
have some place to
rest their ankles.
33. Q: Why do blondes
where big hoop
earrings?
A: To put their
feet through.
34. Q: What does a
blonde put behind
her ears to make
her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
35. Q: Why do blondes
wear green lipstick?
A: Because red
means stop.
36. Q: Why do blondes
wear red lipstick?
Hanna Secretary
Pekka, Host,
Sami Staffsgt
¬
Sami (not related to that ski jumper) Ahonen,
The bigger man, the smaller is ... hmm... the
chance of you not noticing him.
Tanja überSgt
Sari Hostess
¬
Sari Manninen,
Her cousin is The Manninen from Kummeli, a very very
very very famous finnish TV show. She’ll take good care
of You. Person behind the bar, who can bring Your
dreams almost true. :)
Wuorikautiset Sivu 8
A: Because red
means "Stop, wrong
hole."
37. Q: How can you
tell if a blonde has
been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick
on your cucumbers.
38. Q: Why don't
blondes use vibrators?
A: They chip their
teeth.
39. Q: Why do blondes
wear underwear?
A: They make
good ankle warmers.
40. Q: What do
blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their
underwear.
41. Q: Why don't
blondes in San Francisco
wear short
black mini skirts?
A: Cause their
balls show!
42. Q: What's the
mating call of the
blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo*
drunk!"
The MaP
Sivu 9 Wuorikautiset
43. Q: What is the
mating call of the
ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I
said: I'm drunk!"
44. Q: How did the
blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run
over by the zambonis
machine.
45. Q: What's a
brunette's mating
call?
A: Has that
blonde gone yet?
A2: When is that
blonde bitch going
to leave!?
A3: "All the blondes
have gone home!"
46: Q: Why do blondes
drive BMWs?
A: Because they
can spell it.
47. Q: Why do blondes
like the GST?
(GST -- Goods and
Services Tax now in
effect in
Canada)
A: Because they
can spell it.
48. Q: What is 74 to
a blonde?
Su 15.2
- Guests arrive to the Lakeside Sauna in Otaniemi
- We have lots of food, fun and drinks at the Toga-Party
Mo 16.2
- A tour introducing The Department of Mining and Metallurgy
- Visit to the Sinebrychoff's brevery, Kerava. Three hours of beer
making I hop some
tasting too
- To Tampere we will go... The train leaves Helsinki 19.00 and we
will have a two
two hour ride in hour own car
- Into sauna with student's of materials sciences from Tampere.
Tu 17.2
- Tamrock welcomes us at 10.00
- Our train to Joensuu leaves at 23.20. How I love trains...
We 18.2
- We arrive sometime during morning... who cares.
- Outokumpu is the place to be today. Starting at 10.00 from the
station.
- Early finnish to he promising evening at 20.00. Something fun in
Joensuu until
next morning
Th 19.2
- An early start towards Imatra. As tired as we can be we travel all
the way to Imatra
by bus. About three hours of torturing
- Imatra, sweet Imatra. Lots of fun with our hosts in Imatra Steel
- An awful journey back to Joensuu and a train trip to Helsinki
Fr 20.2
- We arrive to Helsinki 07.45 and head
towards Lakeside Sauna for a breakfast
what
is there waiting for us. We all probably
suffer from amnesia so let us sleep for a
while to get ready for the evening
- The GREAT MINERS BALLS
Sa 21.2
- It is time to say good bye and give us
hosts a rest. All good ends and now it is
time
to end this... Hopefully we see again.
THE SCHEDULE:
Wuorikautiset Sivu 10
A: 69 plus G.S.T.
49. Q: Why do blondes
have TGIF on
their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
50. Q: Why do blondes
have TGIF on
their shirts?
A: Tits Go In Front.
51. Q: What do you
call a brunette with
a blonde on either
side?
A: An interpreter.
52. Q: What do you
call a blonde between
two
brunettes?
A: A mental block.
53. Q: How do you
change a blonde's
mind?
A1: Blow in her
ear.
A2: Buy her another
beer.
54. Q: What do you
say to a blonde that
won't give in?
A: "Have another
beer."
55. Q: What do
blondes do with
their arseholes in
the morning?
Delft (Holland):
Derk Hartman, Charles Dresen
If you look like them and you are Finnish, you would be sent to
section A. They are
the only ones leaving the plane not covered with food and they are
carried out by security
men. They are wearing wooden shoes as big that smaller people could
use
them as canoes.
Camborne (England):
Paul Craggs, Richard Sparks
When they walk out the plane they are easy to recognize because of
their painted
faces and big support scarves of football club. Although you have to
fetch them from
the police investigation room.
Madrid (Spain):
Juan Jose Rodes, Jose Orgaz
Walking out of the plane wearing bullfighting clothes and kicking
football. Wine bottles
on their hands.
Leoben(Austria):
Forsthuber Rene, Hinterberger Robert
They are yodeling and wearing polvihousut and ski boots. They are
also carrying an
alpine horn.
Mons(Belgium):
Groulard Frederic, Deschamps Benoit
Two monstres that look like Bigfoots eating chocolade and drinking
beer called Shitter
Beer, Tastes like original shit...
Sweden:
Tomas Nikonen, Ville Klauvi
They can't be separated from the Finns in crowd. Look closer and you
can say what
they are studying: they look little like caveman like all Finnish
and Swedish mining
students...
Kanada:
Celine Dion, Wayne Gretzky
When they arrive you can notice them from the stick and microphone
they are carrying.
And who wouldn't notice a man with ice hockey gear on... And of
course Celine
is singing her lungs out.
The International Zoo
Sivu 11 Wuorikautiset
A: Pack their
lunch and send
them to work.
56. Q: What's the
first thing a blonde
does in the morning?
A1: Introduces
themself.
A2: Walks home.
57. Q: How does a
blonde like her
eggs in the morning?
A: Fertilized.
58. Q: How does a
blonde like her
eggs?
A: Unfertilized.
59. Q: What's the
first thing a blonde
does after sex?
A: Opens the car
door.
60. Q: How do blondes
turn the light
on after sex?
A: Kick open the
car door.
61. Q: Why do blondes
like tilt steering?
A: More head
room.
When you arrive to Finland, to where I warmly welcome you, remember
these few
advice I give.
Finland is a very prejudice country. It is absolutely a necessity to
know some Finnish
before you can get any kind of service around here. A small
vocabulary is given in
this magazine to help you. People don’t know any other language
(some natives may
know some Swedish) than Finnish. You will only get laughed at when
you try.
We Finns are also very shy and inward turned (especially technology
students or
"teekkarit" as we are known here) so it is very hard to get contact
with us. A special
advice about sauna has to be given: you have to wear all your
clothes on and a paper
pag has to be kept on your head in over 80C (180F).
As the official students week begins remember always to be late. The
most important
of all: stay SOBER. While traveling by train it would be boring to
not to be late from
the train even once because playing hide and seek all aroud some
town, factory complex
or a mine.
If you have trouble breathing in the train car or you are feeling
too hot, please be
welcome, take a fire axe and make a hole to car’s roof or side. It
makes us all feel
much better.
Last, do I need to give you any advice how to behave during company
presentations
? I didn’t think so. But here are the basic RULES:
1. BE SOBER
2. be shy
3. don’t sing
4. be late
5. be vandal
P.S. Matti Nykänen doesn’t have
to be an idol for you...
HOW TO BEHAVE DESANTLY
Wuorikautiset Sivu 12
62. Q: Why do blondes
drive cars with
sunroofs?
A: More leg room.
63. Q: What is the
worst thing about
sex with a blonde?
A: Bucket seats.
64. Q: What do
blondes say after
sex?
A1: "Thanks,
Guys!"
A2: "Are you boys
all in the same
band?"
A3: Do you guys
all play for the ?
A4: Who were all
those guys?
65. Q: Why is a
blonde like a door
knob?
A: Because everybody
gets a turn.
66. Q: Why is a
blonde like railroad
tracks?
A: Because she's
been laid all over
the country.
67. Q: What important
question does
a blonde ask her
mate before having
sex?
Finnish Games, part I
Finnish games part I
What things You need for the Game?!?
1) Sauna
2) One bottle of Koskenkorva/ player
3) Sausage
4) Leave your brains to somebody else.
5) 4-12 players
First you have to find very hot sauna, temperature over 170 Celsius.
Then you go to
sauna and start to drinking your koskenkorva. If you want to come
out of sauna,
you have to drink your kossu.
You have to keep your head up all the time, which means that your
head has to be
against the wall of the sauna all the time. Anyway, somebody throws
water to the
hot stones and the winner is the one who will first drink his kossu.
When you are
drinking your kossu you can also eat sausage or hit somebody whit
it. That’s so
cool. . If you don’t get out of the sauna alive I’m very sorry.
Remember that every
time that you’re in sauna "ISÄPAPPA" (spirit of sauna) is watching
you. Don’t do
any mistakes or you’re dead meat...
Sivu 13 Wuorikautiset
A: Do you want
this by the hour, or
the flat rate?
68. Q: Why do
blonde girls have
trouble achieving
orgasm?
A: *Who cares?*
69. Q: Why do blondes
have orgasms?
A: So they know
when to stop having
sex!
70. Q: How do you
tell when a blonde
reaches orgasm?
A1: She drops her
nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says,
"Next".
A4: The next person
in the queue
taps you on the
shoulder.
A5: He's had his
clothes for about 2
minutes.
A6: I mean, who
really cares?
A7: The batteries
have run out.
71. Q: What does a
blonde say when
you blow in their
ear?
A: "Thanks for
The famous Finnish game: DON"T COME BACK FROM THE SAME HOLE!
THE RULES:
This game needs 2-30 players. The idea of the game is very simple:
You dive to the
lake from the starting hole, but you may not come back from the same
hole -
otherwise you die!
First you make holes to the ice and then you start diving. One of
the players is
guarding the starting point with the electric stick. lf the diver
comes back from the
starting point, the guard puts his stick to the lake. The diver dies
by electric shock.
The winner of the game is the one who stays alive.OBSI There can be
many winners.
lf you think that the game is too easy, you can make it more
difficult:
a) Players must be drunken (at least 2 promilles)
b) There can be only one hole where isn't any guard. (One version of
the Finnish
Roulette)
C) You can make the hole distances longeri (for example 30 meters)
d) After you have found the right hole, you must run two kilometres
naked. (it's so
calied honorary lap!)
e) You must have 'Black Glasses" during the diving (So you won't see
anything!)
This game is for excitement, specially designed for bastards and
especially for
tourists. Don't be nerd
JUST PLAY IT!!
Finnish Games, part II
Wuorikautiset Sivu 14
refill!"
72. Q: What is it
called when a
blonde blows in another
blonde's ear?
A: Data transfer.
73. Q: Why do blondes
use tapons
with extra long
strings?
A: So the crabs
can go bungeejumping.
74. Q: How can you
tell which blonde is
the waitress?
A: She is the one
with the tampon behind
her ear, wondering
what she did
with her pencil.
75. Q: What did the
blonde customer
say to the buxom
waitress (reading
her
nametag) ?
A :
"'Debbie'...that's
cute. What did you
name the other one
?"
76. Q: Why do blondes
have more fun?
A1: Because they
don't know any bet-
Finnish cuisine
HOW TO COOK EXCELLENT FINNISH SAUNA SAUSAGE
1) Buy, steal, etc. one HK blue sausage packet
2) DO NOT OPEN, CUT, SLICE THE PACKET
3) Put it on the "kiuas" = on those funny little hot stones one
finds in sauna and put
some water in the middle of the packet.
4) Let it be for half an hour.
5) Eat
HOW TO COOK EXCELLENT FINNISH BREAKFAST OATMEAL
1) Buy, steal, etc. some oatmeal and a bowl
2) Put some oatmeal to your bowl
3) Apply some excellent finnish beer (OLVI, KOFF, Lapland’s Gold) on
the oatmeal
4) Eat
Sivu 15 Wuorikautiset
ter.
A2: They are easier
to keep amused.
77. Q: How many
blondes does it
take to change a
lightbulb?
A1: "What's a
lightbulb?"
A2: One. She
holds the bulb and
the world revolves
around her.
A3: Two. One to
hold the Diet Pepsi,
and one to call,
"Daaady!"
78. Q: What's a
blonde's favourite
wine?
A: "Daaaddy, I
want to go to Miaaami!"
79. Q: What do you
call a basement full
of blondes?
A: A wine cellar.
80. Q: Why are
there no dumb
brunettes?
A: Peroxide.
81. Q: Why does
NASA hire peroxide
blondes?
A: They're doing
research on black
holes.
82. Q: What does a
Advertisement
SINEBRYCHOFF, or more familiarly just
KOFF. A Finnish brewery where our excursion
begins from. The brewing tradition there dates
back to the 1700s. Brewing on a large scale
bagan 1819, when Nikolai Sinebrychoff
founded a brewery in the center of Helsinki. The
history of beer in Finland is for the most part Sinebrychoff's as
well.
Sinebrychoff has been a forerunner in the brewing history of the
Northern
Europe. It was the first industrial based brewery (1819), the first
pure
yeast cultivating brewery (1890) and the first brewery to have an
own
labratory (1930) in the Nordic countries.
Koff is also an environmental leader. It has taken notice in energy
politics, waste water and recycling of bottles and cans. One example
of
re-use is that mash is used as animal feed for many years now.
Sinebrychoff exports beer to Scandinavia, Russia and Estonia. It has
own
subsidiarys in Estonia and Russia. In Sweden it owns a brewery named
Falcon Bryggerier AB together with Danish Carlsberg.
TAMROCK, an international mechanical engineering corporation, whose
product range includes hard and soft rock excavation equipment,
construction
machinery and equipment, bulk materials handling equipment,
conveyor components and services related to these. At the end of the
last
year Sandvik AB, a Swedisk company, exceeded 90 % of Tamrock Oy
shares and gave Sandvik the right to redeem the remaining Tamrock
shares. So Tamrock is a Swedish owned company.
Wuorikautiset Sivu 16
peroxide blonde
and a 747 have in
common?
A1: They both
have a black box.
A2: Both have a
cockpit.
83. Q: What is the
difference between
a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone
has been in a 747.
84. Q: What's the
difference between
a blonde and a
limousine?
A: Not everybody
has been in a limo.
85. Q: What does a
blonde say when
she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you
sure it's mine?
86. Q: What did the
blonde say when
she found out she
was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure
it's mine?"
87. Q: What do you
call 10 blondes
standing ear to
ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
88. Q: What do you
call 15 blondes in a
circle?
A: A dope ring.
89. Q: Santa Claus,
the Tooth Fairy, a
dumb blonde, and a
OUTOKUMPU. Characteristics of Outokumpu are long production chains
from
mining to fabrication in several metals. Outokumpu focuses on base
metals production, stainless steel, copper products and technology.
Outokumpu is named after the place in which it was born. Outokumpu
can
be translated as "Mysterious" or "strange hill" and refers to a real
hill which local legends claimed held hidden wealth. As early as
1725,
local prospectors sent samples of the minerals they had found to the
College of Mines for analysis. Their hopes were disappointed; the
samples were iron pyrite, or "fool's gold".
In 1908, a huge metallic boulder was discovered 40 miles south-east
of
Outokumpu. Tests showed it was mostly valuable copper ore and had
presumably been dragged from its sources in the Outokumpu region by
ice sheets during the last Ice Age. Test drilling conducted in 1910
at the "mysterious hill" indicated the existence of a large copper
ore
deposit that would ultimately form the basis of the company's
activities for decades. Operations at this original mine, which were
expanded to include the Keretti area next to it, only ended in 1989.
Today the town of Outokumpu which grew up with the company has about
9,400 inhabitants. Nowadays only Outokumpu Turula Oy, VTT research
center of chemistry technics and a mining museum are left in
Outokumpu.
We will visit them all. Turula Oy produces custom built machines,
equipment and production lines for metals industry and in VTT we
will
visit the mineral research labs.
By the late 1980s, Outokumpu began the lengthy process of setting up
its many subsidiaries and business units as independent
corporations;
today the Group comprises over 200 companies. Responsibility and
authority have been delegated to increase the organization's
flexibility. The first of the old divisions to gain independent
status
were Unimec (today Outokumpu Technology) and Copper.13.hk.JK.tk.09
IMATRA STEEL WORKS produces low alloy engineering steels for
demanding
applications. The range comprises long products shaped in rounds,
flats or squares. They deliver to European automotive industry and
to
some demanding engineering sectors. Imatra steel is a part of Metra
group.
Sivu 17 Wuorikautiset
smart
blonde are
walking down the
street when they
spot a $10 bill.
Who picks it
up?
A1: The dumb
blonde! because,
there is no such
thing as Santa
Claus,
the tooth fairy,
or a smart blonde.
A2: None of them.
There is no such
thing as Santa
Claus, the Tooth
Fairy or a smart
blonde and the
dumb blonde
thought it was a
gum
wrapper.
90. Q: Why did the
blonde scale the
glass wall?
A: To see what
was on the other
side.
91. Q: What do you
do when a blonde
throes a hand
grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin
and throw it back.
92. Q: Why do blondes
take the pill?
A: So they know
what day of the
week it is.
Like two berries...
Toothbrush Jordan Michael "Air" Jordan
Wuorikautiset Sivu 18
93. Q: Why did the
blonde stop using
the pill?
A: Because it
kept falling out.
94. Q: Why did the
blonde have a sore
navel?
A: Because her
boyfriend was also
blond!
95. Q: If a blonde
and a brunette are
tossed off a building,
who hits the
ground first?
A: The brunette.
The blonde has to
stop to ask for directions.
96. Q: What happens
when a
blonde gets
Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!
97. Q: What's the
difference between
Indiana and a
blonde?
A: A blonde has
larger hills and
deeper valleys.
98. Q: Whats the
difference between
a blonde and a
Porsche?
A: You don't lend
the Porsche out to
your friend.
99. Q: What's the
difference between
Song Book
Olof Palme-Visan
Olof Palme gick på bio,
tra la la la laa, tra lal lal laa.
Han kom ut trax efter tio,
tra la la la laa, tra lal lal laa.
Skottet brann, blodet brann,
Olof Palme - han försvann.
Olof Palme gick på bio,
tra la la la laa, tra lal lal laa.
Lisbeth såg pistolen blenka,
tra la la la laa, tra lal lal laa.
Strax därefter blev hon änka,
Mördarn sprang, han försvann,
Tunnelgatan butte namn.
Olof Palme gick på bio,
tra la la la laa, tra lal lal laa.
Hans Holmer han börja leta,
tra la la la laa, tra lal lal laa.
Ebbe kände Anna-Greta,
tra la la la laa, tra lal lal laa.
PKK, 42, 33 och SÄPO med.
Olof Palme gick på bio,
tra la la la laa, tra lal lal laa.
Algot ljög, den mytomanen,
tra la la la laa, tra lal lal laa.
Rätten knapte honom på kranen,
tra la la la laa, tra lal lal laa.
Det var båg, ett han såg,
Christer sitta på ett tåg.
Olof Palme gick på bio,
tra la la la laa, tra lal lal laa.
I Was Walking Down Canal Street
I was walking down Canal Street
knockin' every door.
God damn, son of a bitch,
I couldn't find a whore.
I finally found a whore
she was rather thin.
God damn, son of a bitch,
I couldn't get it in.
I finally got it in
worked my way around.
God damn, son of a bitch,
I couldn't get it out.
I finally got it out
it was rather sore;
The moral of this story is:
Never fuck a russian whore...
Niin minä neitonen Sinulle laulan
:,: Niin minä neitonen sinulle laulan,
kuin omalle kullalleni. :,:
:,: Jos olis' valtaa niinkuin on mieli,
niin ottaisin omakseni. :,:
:,: Kullalleni minä laulelen, ja kellekäs minä muille. :,:
:,: En minä laula kallioille, enkä metsän puille. :,
Tämän talon onneksi
:,:Ja me juomme tämän talon onneksi,
kippis, kippis.:,:
:,:Täällä oleville, poissa oleville
ja vastakin talohon tuleville,
kippis, kippis.:,:
:,:Ja me juomme tämän talon konkurssiin,
kippis, kippis.:,:
:,:Täällä oleville, poissa oleville
ja vastakin talohon tuleville,
kippis, kippis.:,:
:,:Ja me juomme tämän auton bensiinin,
kippis, kippis.:,:
:,:Kaiken öljynkin, koko voitelun
ja helavila akkumulaattorin,
kippis, kippis.:,:
Sivu 19 Wuorikautiset
a blonde and a
toothbrush?
A: You don't let
your best friend
borrow your toothbrush.
100. Q: What is the
difference between
butter and a
blonde?
A: Butter is difficult
to spread.
101. Q: What is the
difference between
a blonde and a
bowling ball?
A1: You can only
get three fingers in
a bowling ball.
A2: You can't fit
the blonde in the
bowling ball.
A3: There is no
difference. They're
both round and
have
three holes to
poke.
A4: You don't eat
your bowling ball
102. Q: What do a
bowling ball and a
blonde have in
common?
A: Chances are
they'll both end up
in the gutter.
103. Q: What is the
difference between
Father Abraham
Father Abraham, has a seven sons,
seven sons has father Abraham,
and they make you laugh,
and they make you cry,
And the song will go like this:
Right hand...
Left hand...
Right foot...
Left foot...
Bottoms up...
Head down...
We are the engineers
We are, we are, we are, we are the engineers.
We can, we can, we can demolish 40 beers.
The medical men at R.S.M.
they cannot drink with us,
‘cause we don’t give a fuck for anyone else
who don’t drink with us. Oi!
Katselin katselin
Katselin katselin kaunista miestä,
kaunista miestä, tuulantei.
Kostuivat, kostuivat kämmenet hiestä,
kämmenet hiestä, tuulantei.
Otan sen, otan sen,
enemmin kuin Koskiksen,
sillä kaunis mies on silmän ruokaa,
silmän ruokaa, tuulantei.
BooBoo Bear
I’ve got a friend that you don’t
know,
Yogi, Yogi
I’ve got a friend that you don’t
know,
Yogi, Yogi bear.
Yogi, Yogi bear , Yogi, Yogi bear,
I’ve got a friend that you don’t
know,
Yogi, Yogi bear.
Yogi lives in Yellowstone...
Yogi’s got a litle friend Booboo...
bear
Yogi’s got a girlfriend Cindy...bear
Cindy likes it from behind...
Yogi’s got an enemy,
Ranger....Smith
Ranger Smith fucks animals...
I love my wife
I love my wife, yes I do, Yes I do.
I love her dearly.
I love the hole she pisses throught.
I love her tits, tiddly tits, tiddly tits.
And her dark brown asshole.
I eat her shit gobble, gobble,gobble, gobble,
with a rusty spoon, with a rusty spoon.
My name is Jack, diggily Jack, diggily Jack.
I’m a necrophiliac.
I get so hard on a graveyard.
I get so frustrated, I do hate it I do hate it,
when they got cremated.
Burial is a must and cremation sucks,
‘cause I can’t fuck dust, ‘cause I can’t fuck
dust.
Song Book
Wuorikautiset Sivu 20
a blonde and "The
Titanic"?
A: They know
how many men
went down on "The
Titanic".
104. Q: What is the
difference between
a smart blonde and
Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has
been spotted.
105. Q: What's the
difference between
a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 30
cents to use a telephone.
106. Q: What's the
difference between
a blonde and a
guy?
A: The blonde
has the higher
sperm count.
107. Q: What is the
difference between
a blonde and the
Grand Old Duke of
York?
A: The Grand Old
Duke of York only
'had' 10000 men.
To be continue ...
ALKO = Be careful with the opening hours of the state monopoly shop
for wines
and liquors - after five or six there's no place to purchase a
bottle of wine to go with
the dinner.
AVANTOUINTI = Swimming in a hole in the ice is said to be very
healthy. It takes
a lot of SISU (see below), but it makes you feel a here afterwards.
HERNESOPPA = File Mignon with bearnice sauce and baked potato, In
Finland we
have this almost every Friday.
TANSSITAAN HUMPPAA = Lets go dancein techno.
JOULUPUKKI = As everybody knows, Santa Claus lives in Finnish
Lapland in a
place called Korvatunturi. But nobody knows how he manages to
visitmillions of
homes all over the world during just one night...
KAAMOS = Hot Chokolade with rom also a very nice day (sunny and
clear)
KAHVI = Cofee
KARJALANPIIRAKKA = Pussy
KIPPIS = Cheers! Prosit! After saying KIPPIS a sufficient number of
times, you suddenly
realize how enormous amount of alcohol you have consumed. See
picture in
page 4.
MAKKARA = Sausage
HYPPÄÄ HOMO VOLTTI = Give me some boose!!
HAISET PAHALLE = Have a nice day
MOI = Hello
PITKÄ = A tall one - is what you order in a bar - a pint of beer.
PORTSARI = When entering a restaurant you'll first meet the doorman
who will
check if you are dressed properly and if you're sober. Then if you
pass this test and
are lucky you can go in for a drink. But don't get drunk in there,
otherwise the
PORTSARI will throw you out - and don't forget to tip him, whether
you go out
voluntarily or not, or you'll have no chance of getting in next
time.
SAUNA = The one Finnish word known all over the world.
VALOMERKKI = Just when you thought you'd have one more for the road,
the
lights go out for a brief moment - and it is too late. Come back
again tomorrow!
MÄKIHYPPY = A winter olympic sport which trains you to be a good
striptease
dancer.
PILKKU = The strange flash that makes all the desperate people run
after one more
beer or last single.
GEPARDI = Fast beer
MOPO = 75 Hz pentium
TEILLE VAI KAIVOKSELLE = Your place or mine
SAITSÄ = How was your night
OHO = I am sorry
HÄ = Excuse me, can you say that again
Vocabulary - How to become a Finn