Below is the unformatted text of several MS-Word files found at www.desmoinesrugby.com/documents/ if you wish to verify the text below, please download the original MS-Word files.
Alouette
(Sung to the tune of "Alouette")
CHORUS: Alouette, gentille Alouette.
Alouette, gentille plumerai.
(Start with chorus first and insert it between each verse.)
Leader: Does she have the scraggly hair?
Group: Yes, she has the scraggly hair.
Leader: Scraggly hair.
Group: Scraggly hair.
Leader: Alouette.
Group: Alouette.
Leader: OH!
Leader: Does she have the furrowed brow?
Group: Yes, she has the furrowed brow.
Leader: Furrowed brow.
Group: Furrowed brow.
Leader: Scraggly hair.
group: Scraggly hair.
Leader: Alouette.
Group: Alouette.
Leader: OH!
(Continue in this fashion, adding the current descriptive phrase and then repeating all previous descriptive phrases.)
Two glass eyes?
Broken nose?
Two capped teeth?
Double chin?
Swinging tits?
Pot belly?
Clammy thighs?
Furry thing?
Why was he born so Beautiful
Sung to the tune of some hymn. Dunno which one.
Why was he born so beautiful
Why was he born at all
He's no fucking use to anyone
He's no fucking use at all
He should be publicly pissed on,
He should be publicly shot (bang, bang),
He should be tied to a urinal,
And left there to fester and rot.
So, DRINK chug-a-lug
Drink chug-a-lug
Drink chug-a-lug
DRINK!
Bread of Heaven
Guide me, O thou great Redeemer,
Pilgrim through this barren land;
I am weak, but thou are mighty,
Hold me with thy powerful hand;
Bread of heaven, Feed me till I want no more.
Open now the crystal fountain,
Whence the healing stream doth flow;
let the fire and cloudy pillar
Lead me all my journey through:
Strong deliverer,
Be thou still my strength and shield.
When I tread the verge of Jordan,
Bid my anxious fear subside;
Death of death, and hell's destruction.
Land me safe on Canaan's side:
Songs of praises
I will ever give to thee.
[Welsh William Williams 1717-91 TR
Peter Williams 1727-96]
The Sexual Life of the Camel
The sexual life of the camel
Is stranger than anyone thinks
At the height of the mating season
He tries to bugger the Sphinx
But the Sphinx's posterior orifice
Is filled with the sands of the Nile
Which accounts for the hump on the camel
And the Sphinx's inscrutable smile.
(There are other verses.)
I Used to Work in Chicago
Soloist volunteer for each verse during the previous by raising their hand, and are chosen by a chairman (or the concensus) pointing at them. Everyone sings words in capital letters.
I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO AT AN OLD DEPARTMENT STORE,
I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO I DON'T WORK THERE ANYMORE
A LADY CAME IN for some paper
SOME PAPER FROM THE STORE?
Paper she wanted, a ream she got
I DON'T WORK THERE ANYMORE!
I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO AT AN OLD DEPARTMENT STORE,
I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO I DON'T WORK THERE ANYMORE
A LADY CAME IN for some jewelry
SOME JEWELRY FROM THE STORE?
Jewelry she wanted, a pearl necklace she got
I DON'T WORK THERE ANYMORE!
And similarly:
Carpet she wanted, shag she got
Nail she wanted, screw she got
Fishing rod she wanted, my pole she got
Meat she wanted, sausage she got
Beef she wanted, pork she got
Helicopter she wanted, my chopper she got
Camel she wanted, hump she got
Translator she wanted, cunning linguist she got
KitKat she wanted, four fingers she got
Pencil Newton-Raphson she wanted, pen iteration she got
Fuck she wanted, fuck she got
.
.
.
Ad infinitum
Flower of Scotland
O Flower of Scotland
When will we see
Your like again,
That fought and died for
Your wee bit Hill and Glen
And stood against him
Proud Edward's Army,
And sent him homeward
Tae think again.
The Hills are bare now
And Autumn leaves lie thick and still
O'er land that is lost now
Which those so dearly held
That stood against him
Proud Edward's Army
And sent him homeward
Tae think again.
Those days are past now
And in the past they must remain
But we can still rise now
And be the nation again
That stood against him
Proud Edward's Army
And sent him homeward,
Tae think again.
0 Flower of Scotland
When will we see
Your like again,
That fought and died for
Your wee bit Hill and Glen
And stood against him
Proud Edward's Army,
And sent him homeward
Tae think again.
[written and composed by Roy MB Williamson I936-l990
The Corries (Music) Ltd]
Haka
Here are the words and a translation of the haka performed by the New Zealand
All Blacks before matches, as well as a short blurb on what its all about.
Ka mate Ka mate
It is death It is death
Ka ora Ka ora
It is life It is life
Ka mate Ka mate
It is death It is death
Ka ora Ka ora
It is life It is life
Tenei Te Tangata Puhuruhuru
This is the hairy man
Nana i tiki mai whakawhiti te ra
Who caused the sun to shine again for me
Upane Upane
Up the ladder Up the ladder
Upane Kaupane
Up to the top
Whiti te ra
The sun shines!
The haka is a war dance. The words are chanted loudly (shouted) in a menacing way accompanied by arm actions and foot stamping. A haka was traditionally performed before charging into battle. The Maori pronunciation is basically one vowel per syllable, with the vowels having the European rather than English sound. The `wh' is aspirated almost like an `f' (f is good enough for most people). As for what it all means, about 140 years ago, a particularly notorious warlike chief named Te Rauparaha of the Ngati Toa tribe (based just North of present day Wellington), was being chased by his enemies. He hid in a kumara pit (the local sweet potato, only much better) and waited in the dark for his pursuers to find him. He heard sounds above and thought he was done for when the top of the pit was opened up and sunshine flooded in. He was blinded and struggled to see those about to slay him, when his sight cleared and he instead saw the hairy legs of the local chief (reputed to have been exceptionally hirsute) who had hid him. Te Rauparaha is said to have jumped from the pit and performed this haka on the spot, so happy was he to have escaped. Undoubtedly, he also had in his mind to do a little pursuing of his own --- Te Rauparaha being that way inclined was he.
Oh Hitler has only got one ball
Sung to the famous brass band tune, Colonel Bogey's March (River Kwai theme).
Oh Hitler has only got one ball,
Goering has two but very small,
Himmler, has something similar,
But poor old Goebels
Has no balls at all.
Jonestown
A favorite of upstate new york rugby.
Sung to the tune of "Downtown."
When your down and your broke, and your religion's a joke
Why don't you go and see
Jim Jones
When your life's incomplete, there's only one man to meet
Why don't you go and see
Jim Jones
Refrain Watch him mix the Cool aid in the vat so lethal
Listen to the anguished cries of all the dying people
Everyone dies.
The rev's the most gracious host
So, lift up your glasses, the ultimate toast
(So, lift up you glasses, the durge of the masses)
Your in Jonestown
Drink with the reverend Jim
Jonestown
Chances are mighty slim
Jonestown
People are dropping like flies.
Congressman Ryan, on a mission of spyin'
Would not drink with
Jim Jones
Such a public disgrace, they had to blow off his face
'Cause he would not drink with
Jim Jones
Refrain
First you cough and you wheeze, then you drop to your kness
From drinking Cool aid with
Jim Jones
You arrive back in the States, decomposed in your crates
From drinking Cool aid with
Jim Jones
Refrain
Jonestown, Jonestown (repeat in diminuendo)
If I were the Marrying Kind
if i were a marrying kind
i thank the lord i'm not sir
the kind of man that i would be
would be a rugby +++++++++
prop sir
prop sir?
'cause i'd support a hooker
and you'd support a hooker
we'd all support a hooker together
we'd be alright in the middle of the night
supporting hookers together
(the next verses change "prop" with the first line and "support a hooker"
with the second line)
2nd row
sniff butt
scrum half
put it in
halftime orange
get sucked
spectator on a rainy day
come in rubbers
spectator on a sunny day
come again
goal post
stand erect
grounds keeper #1
trim bush
grounds keeper #2
do lines
boot
come in boxes
cleat
get screwed
ball
pumped
whistle
blown
Mary Ann Barnes
Mary Ann Barnes is the queen of all the acrobats;
she can do tricks that will give a man the shits.
She can shoot green peas from her fundamental orifice,
do a double somersault and catch 'em on her tits.
She's a great big fat shit, twice the size of me,
hair on her ass like the branches in a tree.
She can swim, fight, shoot, fuck,
climb a tree or drive a truck.
She's the kind of girl that's gonna marry me!
'Drive a truck' is replaced by 'form a ruck' in some renditions.
Cockles and Mussels
In Dublin's fair city,
where the girls are so pretty
I first set my eyes on sweet Molly Malone
As she wheel'd her wheel barrow
Thro' streets broad and narrow
(Chorus)
Crying "Cockles and Mussels alive, alive O!"
Alive, alive O! Alive, alive O
Crying Cockles and Mussels Alive, alive O!
She was a fishmonger,
But sure 'twas no wonder,
For so were her father and mother before,
And they each wheel'd their barrow
Thro' streets broad and narrow,
(Repeat Chorus)
She died of a fever
And no one could save her,
And that was the end of sweet Molly Malone;
But her ghost wheels her barrow
Thro' streets broad and narrow
(Repeat Chorus)
[Written and composed by James Yorkston]
My old man's an All Black
Oh, my old man's an All Black,
He wears the silver fern,
His mates just couldn't take him
So he's out now for a turn.
Da ditditda daditditda daditditdadada
Well, Dad's played rugby all his life
And it's very plain to see
He's trying hard to make
An All Black out of me:
"Son don't you worry if you get
Punched when down in a scrum,
Just wait 'til there's a ruck
And you can fix the guilty one!"
Oh, my old man's an All Black,
He wears the silver fern,
His mates just couldn't take him
So he's out now for a turn.
Da ditditda daditditda daditditdadada
So he's out now for a turn.
There was an Old Lady …
There was an old lady who lived in the street,
Her passage was blocked up from too much to eat,
She took stomach pills without reading the box,
Before she could think turds were flying for blocks.
Chorus:
Too-ra-li, too-ra-li, too-ra-lay, too-ra-lay,
A rolling stone gathers no moss so they say,
Sing along, sing along, with the birds, with the birds,
It's a wonderful song but it's all about turds.
Well she ran to the window and stuck out her arse,
Just at that moment a p'liceman came past,
That poor old p'liceman was eating his pie,
Whena steaming hot turd hit him right in the eye,
[Chorus]
Well he ran to the East and he ran to the West,
When a further consignment hit him right in the chest,
Well he fled to the North and he fled to the South,
When a bloody great turd hit him right in the mouth.
[Chorus]
The next time you walk over Waterloo bridge,
Look out for a p'liceman asleep on the ridge,
His chest bears a plackard, around it these words,
"Be kind to this cop who's been blinded by turds"
[Chorus twice]
On the Ball
Chorus:
On the ball, on the ball, on the ball,
Through scrummage, three quarters and all,
By sticking together we keep on the leather
And shout as we go on the ball
Well some talk of soccer
And some talk of league,
Some mickle (?) the huntsman's lap call,
But fighting together, we keep on the leather
And shout as we go on the ball
Chorus
Remember my lads, as we journey through life,
There's a goal to be reached by us all,
By fighting together, we keep on the leather
And shout as we go on the ball
Chorus
And shout as we go on the ball.
I Met a Whore in the Park
Sung to the tune When Jonny Comes Marching Home.
(This is a rugby variation of a popular song about a "young man".)
I met a whore in the park one day
ya ho, ya ho
I met a whore in the park one day
ya ho, ya ho
I met a whore in the park one day
She said hey rugger, you wanna lay
Refrain: Get in, Get out, quit fuckin' about
ya ho, ya ho, ya ho.
I put my hand upon her toe
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her toe
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her toe,
she said hey rugger you're way to low.
Refrain
I put my hand upon her knee
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her knee
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her knee,
she said hey rugger you're kiddin' me
Refrain
I put my hand upon her thigh
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her thigh
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her thigh,
she said hey rugger you're way to shy
Refrain
I put my hand upon her tit
ya ho ya
I put my hand upon her tit
ya ho ya
I put my hand upon her tit
she said, "hey rugger, you're getting it"
Refrain
I put my hand upon her twat
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her twat
ya ho, ya ho
I put my hand upon her twat,
she said hey rugger you hit the spot
Refrain
I put my dick into her mouth
yo ho, yo ho,
I put my dick into her mouth
yo ho, yo ho,
I put my dick into her mouth,
She said mmm, mhmh, mhmhm...
Refrain
I put her in a wooden box
ya ho, ya ho
I put her in a wooden box
ya ho, ya ho
I put her in a wooden box,
from havin' too many rugger's cocks
Refrain
I dig her up every now and then
ya ho, ya ho
I dig her up every now and then
ya ho, ya ho
I dig her up every now and then,
she did me before she'll do me again
Refrain
Now these few ruggers they went to hell
ya ho, ya ho
Now these few ruggers they went to hell
ya ho, ya ho
Now these few ruggers they went to hell,
the fucked the devil his wives as well
ya ho, ya ho, ya ho.
Rugby, Racing and Beer
Rugby, Racing and, Rugby, Racing and, Rugby, Racing and Beer.
When I was just a little kid,
Knee high to a keg,
My Daddy took me on his knee.
He drained his glass and closed his eyes
And gave me very sound advice
On how to be a good kiwi.
"Get to know your football sides
And learn to spell from More (?) race guides
And don't forget down under over here
Because of your great furitage (?)
You have a national heritage
Of Rugby, Racing and Beer.
Rugby, Racing and Beer,
Rugby, Racing and Beer,
Down under they're mad over their
Rugby, Racing and Beer.
Old Uncle Charlie went to see
The Doctor yesterday
He cried, "You've got to help me Doc and quick,
I'm seeing spots before my eyes,
My head feels twice its normal size,
And every Sunday morning I feel sick."
The Doctor took one look at him
And said, "Well Charlie things look grim,
I hate to have to tell ya but I fear,
You'd better write your will tonight,
'Coz you've got kiwi-itis,
That's Rugby, Racing and Beer."
Rugby, Racing and Beer,
Rugby, Racing and Beer,
Down under they're mad over their
Rugby, Racing and, Rugby, Racing and, Rugby, Racing and Beer.
Oh, I don’t want to be a Soldier …
Oh, I don't want to be a soldier
I don't want to join the fightin' class
I just want to go
Down to old Soho
Pinchin' all the girlies in the shoulder blades
Oh, I don't want to see the Queen's dominions
Why -London's- full o' girls I've never 'ad
I just want to stay in England
Jolly jolly England
And follow in the footsteps of me dad
So call out the members of the Queen's Marines
Call out the King's Artillery
Call out me mother
Me sister and me brother
But for Chrissake don't call me
Monday night me 'and was on her ankle
Tuesday night me 'and was on her knees
Wednesday night, success!
I lifted up her dress
Thursday night I lifted up her silk chemise
Well, Friday night I got me 'and upon it
Saturday night I gave it just a tweak
Sunday after supper
I finally got in up her
And now I'm payin' thirty bob a week (Gorblimey...)
Call out the members of the Queen's Marines
Call out the King's Artillery
Call out me mother
Me sister and me brother
But for Chrissake don't call me
Oh, I don't want to join the Navy
And I don't want to go to war
I just want to 'ang around
Piccadilly underground
Livin' off the earnings of an 'igh-class lady
I don't want a bullet up me backside
An' I don't want me knockers shot away
I just want to stay in England
Jolly jolly England
And fornicate me bloomin' life away
So call out the members of the Queen's Marines
Call out the King's Artillery
Call out me mother
Me sister and me brother
But for Chrissake don't call me
Swing Low Sweet Chariot
Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin' for to carry me home;
Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin' for to carry me home.
I looked over Jordan, and
What did I see,
Comin' for to carry me home?
A band of angels comin' after me,
Comin' for to carry me home
Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin' for to carry me home
If you get there before I do
Comin' for to carry me home,
Tell all my friends I'm comin' too
Comin' for to carry me home
Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin' for to carry me home;
Sometimes I'm up,
Sometimes I'm down,
Comin' for to carry me home;
Yet still my soul feels heavn'ly bound,
Comin' for to carry me home
Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin' for to carry me home
Titanic
Oh they built the ship Titanic, to sail the ocean blue
and they thought they had a ship that the water'd never go through
But the good Lord raised his hand, said that ship will never land
It was sad when the great ship went down.
Oh they were not far from England, not very far from shore
When the rich refused to associate with the poor
So they put them down below where they'd be the first to go
It was sad when the great ship went down.
The ship was filled with sin and the sides about to burst
When the captain shouted "Women and children first!"
For help they tried to wire but the lines were all on fire
It was sad when the great ship went down.
They threw the life boats out on to the raging sea
As the band struck up with "Nearer my God to Thee."
Little children wept and cried as we threw them over the side
It was sad when the great ship went down.
We were down below trying to make that damn ship go
When the chief shouted out, "Boys she's gonna blow."
We heard a mighty crash and we knew our ass was grassed
It was said when the great ship went down.
The ship began to pitch and the lights began to flicker
and the captain shouted "Me gosh where's me liquor?"
He got completely ripped and went down with the ship
It was sad when the great ship went down.
Lady Astor looked around as she watched her husband drown
And the great Titanic made a gurgling sound
So she wrapped herself in mink as she watched that damn ship sink
It was sad when the great ship went down.
The Banshees and __________ were scrumming on the deck
When the scrum half shouted "Boys she's gonna wreck!"
So we shouted out with fear, "GIMME ANOTHER BEER!"
It was sad when the great ship went down.
So they built another ship Titanic Number Two
And they thought they had a ship that the water'd never go through
But they christened it with beer and it sank right off the pier
It was sad when the great ship went down.
The moral of the story is very plain to see
Always wear your life preserver when you go out to sea
The Titanic never made it and never more shall be
It was sad when the great ship went down.
Intermix these....
Husbands and wives
little children lost their lives
Uncles and aunts
little children lost their pants
Sisters and brothers
everybody fucked each other
Brothers and sisters
Fucked until they all had blisters
A Toast To Beer
If I had a dog that could piss this stuff
And I was sure that dog could piss enough
I'd tie his head to the foot of my bed
And such his dick 'til we both dropped dead.
A Toast To the Ladies
Here's to the breezes that blow through the treeses
That lifts the girls' chemises above their kneeses
To show us what pleases, and teases, and squeezes
And gives us venereal diseases, By Jesus!
A Toast To Madge
("Madge" is replaced by the name of the woman you want to honor.)
Here's to Madge, that filthy bitch
Whose cunt is lined with seven year itch
Green matter oozes between her toes
Filthy corruption flows through her nose.
Yet before I climb those scaly thighs
And suck those crusty tits
I'd rather drink a quart of buzzard's piss
And swim the River Shits.
Oh cunt, oh cunt, thy deep and bottomless ])it
All matted with hair and covered with shit
Like a pole cat's ass that smellest so bad
Oh cunt, oh cunt, thou must be had.
Song about Turds
CHORUS: Toorala, Tooralay,
A rolling stone gathers no moss so they say;
Sing along with the birds
It's a beautiful song but it's all about turds.
There was an old lady who lived on West Street,
And she was all stopped up from too much to eat,
So she swallowed some pills without reading the box,
And the first thing she knew turds came flying like rocks.
She ran to the window and stuck out her ass,
Just as she did a young cowboy did pass,
He turned to the sound that he heard up on high,
And a bloody great turd hit him right in the eye.
He ran to the east and he ran to the west,
A bloody great turd hit him right in the chest.
He ran to the north and he ran to the south,
Another great turd hit him right in the mouth.
If ever you pass o'er the Flat River Bridge,
And see a young cowboy asleep on the ridge,
Just stop by the roadside and pray for a bit,
Drop a tear for a cowboy who is buried in shit.
Yogi
Soloist volunteer for each verse during the previous by raising their hand, and
are chosen by a chairman (or the concensus) pointing at them. Everyone sings
words in capital letters.
I know a bear that you all know,
Yogi, YOGI,
I know a bear that you all know,
Yogi, Yogi Bear.
YOGI, YOGI BEAR,
YOGI, YOGI BEAR,
I KNOW A BEAR THAT YOU ALL KNOW,
YOGI, YOGI BEAR.
Yogi's got a little friend,
Booboo, BOOBOO,
Yogi's got a little friend,
Booboo, Booboo Bear.
BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR,
BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR,
YOGI'S GOT A LITTLE FRIEND,
BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR.
And similarly:
Yogi's got a girlfriend, Suzi,
Suzi, Suzi Bear.
Yogi's got an enemy, Ranger
Ranger, Ranger Smith
Yogi's got a cheesy knob, cammum,
Cammum, Camembert.
Suzi likes it on the fridge, polar,
Polar, polar bear.
Booboo likes it up the arse, brown,
Brown, brown bear.
Suzi hates it up the arse, something,
Something she cant bear.
Yogi's dick is long and green, cucum,
Cucum, cucumber.
Suzi likes to shave her pubes, grizzly,
Grizzly, grizzly bare.
.
.
.
Ad infinitum