Below is the unformatted text of the Theta Xi Omega: An Anthology of Drinking Songs. If you wish to verify the text & formatting, please download the original PDF. Please note that most of the songs here are not specific to Theta Xi but are the shared drinking songs of most Greek sororities & fraternities. If you haven't been drunk at a fraternity party, you will not understand these songs. Compare this songbook with the untitled Alpha Sigma Phi Songbook (1962), Shitty Songs Of Sigma Chi (1962), Theta Epsilon Omicron Iota Pledge Manual (1973), Raunchy Songs of Phi Kappa Psi (1991), Songs of Theta Xi (1992) and Theta Xi Omega Fraternity (ΘΞΩ): An Anthology of Drinking Songs (2003).
ΘΞΩ
THETA XI OMEGA
AN ANTHOLOGY OF DRINKING SONGS
Composed by various moral degenerates
Johnny Jay original editor
Digitized and edited by Carl Dippel
Song #1
BANG-BANG LULU
(Chorus)
Bang-Bang Lulu, Lulu Bang-Bang,
who's gonna to bang my Lulu,
when I have gone away?
Lulu had two boyfriends, both of them were rich.
One was the son of a banker the other a son of a. . . (Chorus)
Lulu had a chicken, she also had a duck.
She put them both together, to see if they would. . . (Chorus)
Lulu had a girlfriend, her name was Lucy Bitz.
She wasn't very pretty, but you should see her . . . (Chorus)
Some folks work in factories, some folks work in stores.
Lulu's in the back room, with forty other . . . (Chorus)
Lulu had a girlfriend, her girlfriend drove a truck.
But when she wasn't driving, Lulu's friend would . . . (Chorus)
Lulu had a bicycle, the seat was made of glass.
Every time she hit a bump you could see her . . . (Chorus)
Lulu had a baby, his name was Tiny Tim,
She put him in the toilet, to see if he could swim,
He swam to the bottom, he swam to the top,
He started to sink., so. she pulled him by the
Cocktail, Ginger Ale, twenty cents a glass,
If you do not like it, stick it up your . . . (Final Chorus)
Song #2
BEER, BEER
Beer, beer, for old Theta Xi,
You bring the whiskey, I'll bring the rye.
Send the pledges out for gin,
don't let a sober brother in.
We never stagger, we never fall.
We sober up on wood alcohol.
While our loyal girls are marching,
back to the bar for more.
Song #3
ON BOARD THE GOOD SHIP VENUS
(Chorus)
On Board the good ship Venus,
you really should have seen us,
with the figurehead of a whore in bed and the
mast of the phallic penis.
The Captain of our lugger,
was known as a filthy bugger,
declared unfit to shovel shit,
from one ship to another. (Chorus)
The cook's name was Davy.
'Twas cashiered from the Navy.
He dipped the bread inside the head,
and served it up for gravy. (Chorus)
The Captain's wife was Mabel.
Who was ready, willing, and able,
to fornicate with the second mate,
upon the chartroom table. (Chorus)
The Captain's youngest daughter,
was washed into the water.
Her plaintiff squeals, revealed that eels
had found her sexual quarter. (Chorus)
The cabin boy was Ripper,
a dandy little nipper.
He made a pass, with broken glass,
and circumcised the skipper. (Chorus)
The second mate's name was Krass.
His balls were made of brass.
In stormy weather, they'd clang together,
and sparks flew out his ass. (Chorus)
The Captains wife was Charlotte,
born and bred a harlot.
Her thighs at night were lily white,
by morning they were scarlet. (Final Chorus)
Song #4
THE FIREMAN SONG
My father is a fireman, he puts out fires, Hmmm.
My mother is a fireman, she puts out fires, Hmmm.
My brother is a fireman, he puts out fires, Hmmm.
My Sister is a fireman, she put out, Sommm.
Song #5
IF ALL THE YOUNG GIRLS
If all the young girls were like fish in a pool,
and I were a shark with a waterproof tool.
(Chorus)
Oh roll your leg over, Oh roll your leg over,
Oh roll your leg over, the man on the moon.
If all the young girls were like bats in a steeple,
and I were a bat, there'd be more bats than people.
If all the young girls were like trees in a forest,
and I were an axe, then I'd split their clitoris. (Chorus)
If all the young girls were like diamonds and rubies,
and I were a jeweler, I'd polish their boobies. (Chorus)
If all the young girls were like bricks in a pile,
and I were a mason, I'd lay them in style. (Chorus)
If all the young girls were like fish in the ocean,
and I were a whale, I'd show them the motion. (Chorus)
If all the young girls were like little red foxes,
and I were a hunter, I'd bang their boxes. (Chorus)
If all the young girls were like statues of Venus,
and I were a guy with a petrified penis. (Chorus)
If all the young girls were like the dean of women,
I'd hang up my pecker and give up my sinnin'. (Chorus)
If all the young girls were like bells in a tower,
and I was a sexton, I'd bang every hour. (Chorus)
If all the young girls had no hours tonight,
we'd all hustle down to the Schine Ten-Eyck. (Chorus)
If all the young girls were a'singing this song,
it'd be twice as dirty and three times as long. (Final Chorus)
Song #6
THE COTTAGE NEXT TO MINE
In the cottage next to mine, In the cottage next to mine,
there lives a pair of newlyweds, in the cottage next to mine.
They go to bed a six o'clock, and they don't get up until nine.
I think there's something going on In the cottage next to mine.
Song #7
THE QUARTERMASTER CORPS
Oh it's beer, beer, beer that makes you wanna cheer, in the
corps , in the corps.
Oh it's beer, beer, beer that makes you wanna cheer in the
quartermaster, quartermaster's corps.
(Chorus)
My eyes are dim, I cannot see, I have not brought my specs with
me,
I have (HEY) not (HO) brought my specs with me.
Oh it's gin, gin, gin that makes you want to sin, In the corps
,in the corps ,
Oh it's gin, gin, gin that makes you want to sin, In the
quartermaster, quartermaster's corps.
. . . (Chorus)
Oh it's ale, ale, ale, that makes you feel so hale . . .
(Chorus)
Oh it's whiskey, whiskey, whiskey that makes you feel so frisky
. . . (Chorus)
Oh it's Pepsi, Pepsi, Pepsi that makes you feel so sexy . . .
(Chorus)
Oh it's rye, rye, rye that makes you want to fly . . . (Chorus)
Oh it's H2O that makes you want to go . . . (Chorus)
Oh it's methyl-ethyl-acetate that makes you want to defecate . .
. (Chorus)
Oh it's tea, tea, tea that makes you want a crumpet . . .
(Chorus)
Oh it's hot roast duck, that makes you want a sandwich . . .
(Final Chorus)
Song #8
I HAVE LOST MY UNDERWEAR
I have lost my underwear, I don't care, I'll go bare, bye, bye
longjohns.
They were very dear to me, tickled me, tee-hee-hee bye, bye
longjohns.
How I miss that little trapdoor behind me,
Where you find that trapdoor is where you'll find me.
I have lost my underwear, I don't care., I'll go bare, longjohns
, bye, bye.
Song #9
THE LADY I RED
'Twas a cold Winter's evening, the guests were all leaving.
Loretta was closing the bar,
when she turned and she said to the lady in red, "Get out, you
can't stay where you are."
Well, she shed a sad tear in her bucket of beer, as she thought
of the cold night ahead.
When a gentleman dapper stepped out of the -phonebooth,
and these are the words that he said, and I quote:
"Her mother never told her, the things a young girl should know,
about the ways of college men, and how they come and go, mostly
cum.
Now age has taken her beauty, and sin has left its sad scar,
So remember your brothers and sisters boys, and let her sleep
under the bar.
Between the bottles, without a bottle opener.
Next to Johnny Walker, in Southern Comfort.
Tickled by Three Feathers, covered by Four Roses.
And there was grandma, swingin' on the outhouse door,
without her nightie-she was only 94.
And where was grandpa? Swingin' on the outhouse door-without his
sneakers,
And Aunt Matilda swingin' on the outhouse door.
They caught pneumonia-just a swingin' on the outhouse door,
This is the last time - swingin' on the outhouse door,
Ha Ha we fooled ya, just a swingin' on the outhouse door.
Song #10
ALCOHOLIC BABY
Come to me my alcoholic baby,
Cuddle up and don't be blue,
All your sins are drowned in bourbon, baby,
If you sober up I'm through with you.
Every cloud must have a silver lining,
wait until the gin soaks through.
So smile my honey dear,
while I guzzle down more beer,
and then I will be alcoholic too.
Song #11
MOTHER
(girl)
M Is for the many times you made me,
0 is for the other times you tried,
T is for those tawdry frathouse parties,
H is for the hell that's in your eyes,
E is for everlasting passion
R is for the ruin you've made of me.
Put them all together and they spell MOTHER
And that's exactly what I'm gonna be.
(brother)
F is for your friendly correspondence
A is for this answer to your note,
T is for this tearful sad occasion,
H is for the hope I'll be the goat,
E Is for ease with which I made you,
R is for the rube you think I'll be.
Put them all together they spell FATHER
But you'll never pin that title on me.
(father of the above poor maiden)
'Was it you who did the pushin',
left the stains upon the cushion,
Footprints on the dashboard upside down?
Was it you, you sly woodpecker,
got into my girl Rebecca?
If it was. you'd better leave this town.
(brother)
Yes, 'Twas I that did the pushin',
left the stains upon the cushion,
footprints on the dashboard upside down.
But since I got into your daughter,
I've had trouble passing water.
Now I guess we're even all around.
Song #12
MINI THE COLLEGE WIDOW
Mini the college widow,
pride of the university,
Mini the college widow,
taught all the boys anatomy,
Mini the college widow,
To know her is to love her, that is sure,
She laid the cornerstone of knowledge,
In fact the whole damn college.
It's Mini the college widow.
Song #13
THE VIRGIN STURGEON
Caviar comes from virgin sturgeon.
Virgin sturgeon's a rare fish.
Virgin sturgeon need no urgin'.
That's why caviar's a vary rare dish.
Trout fish is just like a salmon,
except it's on a minor scale.
But the trout fish like the salmon,
can't get along without its tail.
Shad roe comes from harlot shadfish,
Shadfish face a sorry fate.
A pregnant shadfish is a sad fish.
Gets that way without a mate.
Oysters are prolific bivalves,
They have young ones in their shell.
How they diddle is a riddle.
But they do-so what the hell.
The green sea turtle's mate is happy,
O'er her lover's winning ways.
First he grips her with his flipper,
then they flip for days and days.
The lady clam is optimistic.
Shoots her eggs out into the sea.
Hopes her suitor is a shooter,
And hits the selfsame spot as she.
I fed caviar to grandpa,
He's the age of ninety-three.
Shouts of joy came out of grandma.
He had chased her up a tree.
Song #14
GLORIOUS
Drunk last night and drunk the night before.
Gonna get drunk tonight like I never got drunk before.
'Cause when we're drunk we're as happy as can be.
We are the members of the Souse family.
(Chorus)
Glorious, glorious one keg of beer for the four of us.
Singin' glory be to God that there are no more of us,
'cause one of us could drink it all alone.
Now, the first thing we drank to, we drank to the King.
Glorious, glorious, glorious King.
If he has one son may he also have ten.
Have a whole friggin' army cried the freshmen, amen. . .(Chorus)
Now, the next thing we drank to, we drank to the Queen.
Glorious, glorious, glorious Queen.
If she has one daughter may she also have ten.
Have a whole friggin' harem cried the sophomores, amen. .
.(Chorus)
Now, the next thing we drank to, we drank to the Prince.
Glorious, glorious, glorious Prince.
If he has one mistress may he also have ten.
Have a whole friggin' whorehouse cried the juniors, amen. .
.(Chorus)
Now, the last thing we drank to, we drank to our beer.
Glorious, glorious, glorious beer.
If we has one keg may we also have ten.
Have a whole friggin' brewery cried the seniors, amen. .
.(Chorus)
Song #15
QUEEN BEE
The queen bee is a busy soul. She has no time for birth control.
The queen bee is a busy soul. She has no time for birth control.
That's why in times like these. That's why in times like these.
That's why in times like these. There are so many sons-of-bees.
Song #16
MY RED HAVEN
When whippoorwills call,
and evening is night,
I hurry to my red haven.
A turn to the right,
a little red light,
will lead you to my red haven.
You'll see a smiling face
on the pillow case,
a form divine.
Just a little whore,
who's been had before,
But tonight she's mine.
Just Molly and me,
and there'll never be three,
Cause we're careful in my red haven.
I got rhythm She's got rhythm,
We've got rhythm,
Who could ask for anything more.
DRINKING SONG OF THETA XI OMEGA
Chorus: Fill the steins for Theta Xi
Shout till the rafters ring,
Stand, and drink a toast once again.
Let every loyal brother sing.
Then drink to all the happy hours.
Drink to the carefree days.
Drink to State, our Alma Mater,
the college of our hearts always.
Refrain: To the mace, to the shield,
to the scroll which stands for eternity,
to the Green, to the Silver,
to the pledge that heralds unity.
To the hearts, to the minds,
to the spirit which guides our destiny,
to the lips, to the eyes,
to the girls who love us always. . .(Chorus)