The Fucking Machine

[ B ]

An airman told me before he died
(I don't know if the bastard lied)
About a maiden with a cunt so wide
That she could not be satisfied.

And so they constructed a prick of steel,
Driven by a crank and a bloody great wheel,
Two brass balls they filled with cream,
And the whole damned contraption was run by steam.

Round and round went the bloody great wheel,
In and out went the shaft of steel,
Until at last the maiden cried,
"Enough!  Enough!  I'm satisfied."

But now there comes the tragic bit:
There was no way of stopping it;
From cunt to asshole she was split,
And the whole damned contraption was covered in shit.

	Rowland Bethoff, professof of hsitory, emeritus, Washington University in St. Louis, learned this from an RAF veteran in 1952.  No tune was indicated.

[ C ]

Thre once was a man who went to sea,
Who told this tale of woe to me,
There once was a maid with a twat so wide,
She never could be satisfied.

So they went and built a big fucking wheel,
With balls of brass and a big cock of steel.
The balls were filled with boiling cream,
And the whole fucking issue was run by steam.

And around and around went the big fucking wheel,
And in and out went the big cock of steel,
Until at last the maid, she cried,
"Enough, enough, I'm satisfied."

But there is a moral to this bit:
There was no way of stopping it.
The maid was torn from twat to tit,
And the whole fucking issue went up in shit!

	Taken from the "Songs of Theta Xi" manual printed at UCLA in 1992 -- which resulted in the fraternity's temporary suspension.  (See the note on "Charlotte the Harlot," in the Undergraduates Coarse section.)  No tune is indicated -- that presumably being passed on orally.  A copy of the songbook was furnished by Ms. Kelly Besser.
	An identical copy is in "The Songs of Sigma Pi, Upsilon Chapter," compiled at UCLA, circa 1990-1992. 

[ D ]

Leader:
Oh, once there was an engineer,
Chorus:
Oh, rump-titty-bum-titty bum titty bum.
Leader:
Oh, once there was an engineer,
Chorus:
Oh, rump-titty-bum-titty bum titty bum.
Leader:
Who had a wife with cunt so wide
That she could never be satisfied.
Chorus:
Oh, rump-titty-bum-titty bum titty bum.
Oh, rump-titty-bum-titty bum titty bum.

Similarly:
And so he built a great fucking wheel
With balls of brass and a prick of steel.

The balls of brass were filled with cream
And the whole fucking thing was powered by steam.

He shook her hand and wished her luck,
And pulled the lever labelled "Fuck."

Round and round went the big fucking wheel,
And in and out went the prick of steel.

Till finally the woman cried,
"At last!  At last!  I'm satisfied!"

And now there comes the tragic bit:
There was no way of stopping it.

Oh, she was split from twat to tit
And the whole fucking thing was covered with shit.

	From Brett Glass (glass@leland.Stanford.edu), August 29, 1995.