The Wayward Boy [ B ] She stood right there in the moonlight bare, While I undid her nighty. The moonlight lit on the end of her tit, By Jesus Christ Almighty! Oh, she jumped into bed, pulled the covers o'er her head, And swore I couldn't find her. I knew damned well she lied like hell, So I jumped right in behind her. [ C ] A blue-eyed girl, a fair haired girl All dressed in pink and yellow, Two ruby lips, two milk-white tits, Oh, what a lucky fellow! A week goes by, and then a sigh, Alas, a sigh of sorrow. Two pimples pink upon his dink, And he'll have more tomorrow. [ D ] She jumped into bed and covered up her head And said I couldn't find her. But I knew damned well she lied like hell, So I jumped right in behind her. She ripped and she tore and she rolled on the floor, And she wiped her as on the knob of the door, But the knob was glass and she cut her ass, And she ain't my gal no more. [ E ] In days of old, when knights were bold, And rubbers weren't invented; They used old socks to cover up their jocks And babies were prevented! But now we're in the SCA And we always get our fill, sir! For the boys take matters firm in hand And the girls are on the Pill, sir! In days of old, when knights were bold, And women weren't particular They lined them up against the wall And diddled 'em perpendicular! But now we're in the SCA And any old way is fine, sir! So choose your lass and go to town, As long as she's not mine, sir! In days of old, when knights were bold And paper not invented, They wiped their ass with tufts of grass And, thereby, were contented! But now we're in the SCA And a public park's a gas, sir! For a toilet seat is very neat When you have to park your ass, sir! Last night I slept in a hollow log With the girl I love beside me; Tonight I sleep in a feather bed And she's right there beside me She jumped in bed and covered up her head And said I couldn't find her But she knew damn well she lied like hell So I jumped in bed beside her! I diddled her once, I diddled her twice, I diddled her once too ofien I broke a spring, or some damn thing I diddled her to her coffin (shouted:) DAMN! DAMN! DAMN! DAMN! The "B" and "C" versions were gathered by Hubert Canfield from correspondents around the country in 1926 with an eye towards publication. Unfortunately, and for unknown reasons, that unexpurgated book was never published. The "D" text was sent to the present editor by Professor Emeritus Rowland Berthoff of Washington University, St. Louis, with the note that he learned it at Oberlin College, Ohio, about 1940. The "E" text -- clearly a conflation of two entirely different songs sharing the same borrowed melody -- is from "The Black Book of Locksley," an anthology of bawdy songs sung by members of the Society for Creative Anachronisms and participants in Renaissance Fair and filk-song gatherings. The collection was made by Joseph Bethancourt of Tucson, Arizona; Susan Johns graciously forwarded a digital copy of the manuscript in June, 1996. This "E" text is entitled "In Days of Old" in the Locksley/Bethancourt collection, where authorship is attributed to "Anonymous and loseph [sic] of Locksley." The tune called for there, is "The Girl I left Behind Me."