97.  THE PORTIONS OF A WOMAN
Melody--???

Now the portions of a woman
That appeal to a man's depravity,
Are fashioned with the most exquisite care.
And that what may seem to you
To be a simple little cavity,
Is really an elaborate affair.

Now, we doctors who have taken time
To study these phenomena,
In numbers of experimental dames,
Have made a little list
Of all these feminine abdomena,
And given them their Latin names.

There's the vulva, the vagina,
And the jolly perineum.
And the hymen which is sometimes found in brides,
And lots of other gadgets.
You would love if you could see 'em,
There's the clitoris, and Christ knows what else besides.

Now it makes us rather tired,
When you idle laymen chatter,
About the things to which we've just referred.
And to hear you give a name
To such a complicated matter,
With such a short and unattractive word.

From Paul Woodford, "Hash Hymns II" (Honolulu, Hawaii, 1994)