From owner-ballad-l@miagra.ucs.indiana.edu Sat Dec 27 21:39:12 1997 Return-Path: Received: from mizar.usc.edu (mizar.usc.edu [128.125.253.135]) by almaak.usc.edu (8.8.8/8.8.8/usc) with ESMTP id VAA02621 for ; Sat, 27 Dec 1997 21:39:12 -0800 (PST) Received: from miagra.ucs.indiana.edu (miagra.ucs.indiana.edu [129.79.5.181]) by mizar.usc.edu (8.8.8/8.8.8/usc) with ESMTP id VAA23300 for ; Sat, 27 Dec 1997 21:39:09 -0800 (PST) Received: (from majordom@localhost) by miagra.ucs.indiana.edu (8.8.5/8.8.5/1.2skh) id AAA08081 for ballad-l-outgoing; Sun, 28 Dec 1997 00:39:59 -0500 (EST) Received: from belize.ucs.indiana.edu (belize.ucs.indiana.edu [129.79.5.188]) by miagra.ucs.indiana.edu (8.8.5/8.8.5/1.2skh) with ESMTP id AAA08071 for ; Sun, 28 Dec 1997 00:39:55 -0500 (EST) Received: from almaak.usc.edu (almaak.usc.edu [128.125.253.166]) by belize.ucs.indiana.edu (8.8.5/8.8.5/1.13IUPO) with ESMTP id AAA30838 for ; Sun, 28 Dec 1997 00:38:56 -0500 (EST) Received: from localhost (cray@localhost) by almaak.usc.edu (8.8.8/8.8.8/usc) with SMTP id VAA02613 for ; Sat, 27 Dec 1997 21:38:54 -0800 (PST) Date: Sat, 27 Dec 1997 21:38:54 -0800 (PST) From: Ed Cray To: ballad-l@indiana.edu Subject: Bawdy.Net Bah! Humbug! Collage (fwd) Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Sender: owner-ballad-l@indiana.edu Precedence: bulk Status: RO X-Status: ---------- Forwarded message (in part) ---------- Date: Wed, 24 Dec 1997 23:24:01 -0500 From: bawdymom To: Multiple recipients of BawdyNet - Sent by Subject: Bawdy.Net Bah! Humbug! Collage A lot of subscribers know of my dislike for this particular holiday season. But I've gotten so much good bawdy material I've got to send one out. ************************************************************** Bill sends: The Safe Sex Carol Tune: Deck the Halls Deck your cock with lots of latex, Fa la la la la la la la la la 'Tis the season to have safe sex, Fa la la la la la la la la la As you don your gay apparel, Fa la la la la la la la la la Put a condom on your barrel. Oh Screw the Bank Tune: Joy to the World Oh, screw the Bank, My checks have bounced! Let Mastercard be damned. Let er'ry bill be late, That One Day Sale can't wait, Let er'ry bill be late, Let er'ry bill be late, That sale at Marshall Fields Just won't wait. Santa Claus is Wearing a Gown Tune: Santa Claus is Coming to Town You better come out, you better not cry, You better not pout, I'm telling you why Santa Claus is wearing a gown. He's making the switch, He's leaving his wife, He's gonna come out, to start a new life Santa Claus is wearing a gown. A secret he's been keeping, It's made him awful tense. He knows it will be better now, whence comes down off that fence. So you better come out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is wearing a gown. We need a Little K-Y now Tune: We Need a Little Christmas Now Haul out the condoms Put one me before I, start to sag again. Put on my cock ring! I may be rushing things, but, grab my balls again now. For we need a little K-Y right this very minute. Poppers and a dildo propped up on the spinet For I've grown a little hotter grown a little harder grown a little leaner, grown a little meaner, And I need a little angel, sitting on my wiener, need a little K-Y now. ************************************************************** Yvonne sends: Bah Humbug Christmas T'was the night before Christmas - Old Santa was pissed He cussed out the elves and threw down his list Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks I have good mind to scrap the whole works I've busted my ass for damn near a year Instead of "Thanks Santa" - what do I hear The old lady bitches cause I work late at night The elves want more money - The reindeer all fight Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS And just when I thought that things would get better Those assholes from IRS sent me a letter They say I owe taxes - if that ain't damn funny Who the hell ever sent Santa Clause any money And the kids these days - they all are the pits They want the impossible ...Those mean little shits I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads I made a ton of yo yo's - No request for them They want computers and robots...they think I'm IBM! If you think that's bad...just picture this Try holding those brats...with their pants full of piss They pull on my nose - they grab at my beard And if I don't smile..the parents think I'm weird Flying through the air...dodging the trees Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees I'm quitting this job...there's just no enjoyment I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment There's no Christmas this year...now you know the reason I found me a blonde.. I'm going SOUTH for the season!! Lifted from Shawn King's bawdynet posting of 12/24/97 by Ed Cray.