COLUMBO
-Anonymous

CHORUS:	He swore the world was round-o
America could be found-o
That masturbatin', fornicatin'
Son-of-a-bitch, Columbo!

In ft)urteen hundred and ninety two
A gob from old Italee
Went wandering thru the streets of Spain
A-pissing in the alley

In fourteen hundred and ninety two
The expedition started
Queen Isabel, she cried like hell
Columbus only farted

Columbus paced upon the deck
He knew it was his duty
He laid his whang into his hand
and said "Ain't that a beauty!"

The sailor's on Columbus' ship
Each had his private knothole
But Columbo was a superman
and used a padded porthole!

The bo's'ns mate fell overboard
The sharks did leap and frolic
They gobbled him up in one big bite
And shortly died of colic!

For forty days and forty nights
They sailed the broad Atlantic
Columbo and his lousy crew
For want of a piece were frantic!

They spied a whore upon the shore
And off came shirts and collars
In twenty minutes by the clock
She'd made ten thousand dollars!

With joyful shout they ran about  
And practiced fornication
When they sailed, they left behind
Ten times the population!

Columbo went back to the Queen
Because it was his duty
He gave to her a dose of clap
He had no other booty

And when his men pulled out again  
To take the homeward tour up
They'd caught the Pox from every box
That syphilized all Europe!

So they threw him in a stinking jail
And lefi him there to grumble
A ball and chain tied to his balls
So ended poor Columbo!

		-- "The Black Book of Locksley"