148.  MY GIRL'S A VEGETABLE
Melody--My Girl's a Corker, She's a New Yorker

My girl's a vegetable,
She lives in a hospital . . .

CHORUS: I'd do most anything,
To keep her alive.

She has no arms or legs,
She looks like a pony keg . . .

She's got a new TV,
They call it an EKG . . .

Her EKG it does not rise,
But she still spreads her thighs . . .

My girl has long blond hair,
It's in patches here and there . . .

She can't get out of bed,
Still, she can give me head . . .

She's got no arms or legs,
She's got two wooden pegs . . .

I'm always guaranteed a blow, 
Because she can't say no . . .

She has no feet or hands,
Her head's connected with rubber bands . . .

She might not live the night,
That means that she won't fight . . .

My girl lives in an iron lung,
But she can still give real good tongue . . .

My girl has leprosy,
Parts are always sticking to me . . .

From Paul Woodford, "Hash Hymns II" (Honolulu, Hawaii, 1994)