05/28/2004
Till "De Motu" publication,
Blood moved at a tidal station.
What through-channels mean is
Arteriovenous
Connects lead to circulation.
59432 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Daniel Ford
A hopeless illiterate was Tex;
He was not too sure of his sex.
His check for relief
Brought him nothing but grief.
He could not even sign a full X.
59433 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Albin Chaplin 3024-2812
A biologist of world renown
Says a chromosome's gender is found
By being so bold
As to take a good hold
Of its genes...and then pull them down.
59434 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Rusty Smith
With the chromosome's genes at half-mast,
You usually can tell rather fast.
The boy gene is hot
To show what he's got;
The girl gene exposed herself last.
59435 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Frank Fazed
Biometrics works on the basis
Of 128 standard faces.
We each can be coded
And digitally loaded
Into Big Brother's huge databases.
59436 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Dr Limerick 02-12-01
Regardless of fairness or tans,
On faces of thousands of fans,
Nineteen of the mugs
Turned out to be thugs,
Plus those from Baltimore Maryland.
59437 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Dr Limerick 02-12-01
A young crystallographer, Nick,
Thinks his specialty should be the pick
As Queen of all fields,
Because of its yields:
"After all, just ask Watson and Crick!"
59438 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Norm Storer P0108
A male entomologist author
Waxed wrother and wrother and wrother --
He socked his own brother
Who called him a mother,
Instead of an eminent mother.
59439 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Ogden Nash P9002
There was a young fellow named Chris
Who exclaimed, my expertise is this:
Epidemiology
And also mycology --
Subjects one cannot dismiss.
59440 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY K M Briggs
Such a bother some people have made
Of the egg and the chicken debate.
Why dispute every claim
Of the first one who came --
When it's clear it's the one who got laid.
59441 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Pat Byrnes
A volcanic eruption on Java
Led the Baron of Fritzil Palava,
In that moment sublime,
To bequeath for all time
The imprint of his balls in the lava.
59442 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY G2702
The professor inquired once, "Who knows
Why some trees become petrified?" Rose,
When no one else tried
To answer, replied,
"The wind makes them rock, I suppose."
59443 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY A. N. Wilkins P8311
A young bride and groom of Australia,
Remarked as they joined genitalia:
Though the system seems odd,
We are thankful that God
Developed the Class Mammalia.
(A couple on Elm Street, Visalia,)
59444 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY (Grand Prix Lims 62)G0010
A straight-laced old spinster named Beecher
Became a biology teacher.
She taught lads and lasses,
Their heads from their asses,
And this was an important feature.
59445 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Frank Ward P9311
A marvelous feat, can't denounce it,
And the President gets to announce it,
There with Collins and Venter.
So is Bill the inventor,
Or Gore, who can't even prounounce it?
(human genome joint credit 2000)
59446 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY John Hardsoft
His devout family said, "We insist.
Remain holy or you'll be dismissed."
Add theology
To a science degree,
He became an ichthyologist.
59447 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Loren C. Fitzhugh P9508
In the war between lumpers and splitters,
There are no nuetral fence sitters.
They both think they're right,
And enjoy a good fight,
But this DNA stuff gives them the jitters.
59448 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Chris
Consider the volatile splitter,
Excited and all of a twitter,
At the fun in the game
Of creating a name
For each little variant critter.
59449 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY C. Loring Brace P9704
Give no help to poor bastards who roam,
Seeking food in the trash cans they comb.
It is courting disaster;
They'll just multiply faster,
And they'll fuck you right out of your home!
59450 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Albin Chaplin 3024 G1712
Professions that finish with '-gist'
Comprise a splendiferous list:
Biolo-, Geolo-,
Patholo, Psycholo-,
But more were undoubtedly missed.
59451 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY R. J. Winkler P8503
There was a young fellow named Chris
For whom biology was bliss.
He modelled it keenly
Writing papers routinely
In which not a comma was amiss.
59452 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY K M Briggs
Crowed a scientist, filled with elation,
"My studies of rat copulation
Will bring fame to my name,
Thanks to money that came
From the National Science Foundation.
59453 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Norm Storer
Ivan Pavlov, according to polls,
Is a star on Psychology's rolls.
His research endeavor
Was dogged and clever,
And taught us "for whom the bell tolls."
59454 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Loren Fitzhugh P0109
Said a man to his dog, "Can you tell
Who had stayed here last year for a spell?
It was Einstein, I'll bet."
But the canine said "Nyet,
It was Pavlov -- does that ring a bell?"
59455 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Albin Chaplin 3024-2811
A Pavlovian student named Zell,
Trained girls to respond to a bell,
By shedding their clothes,
And assuming the pose.
He claims that it works rather well.
59456 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY John Ciardi
If I get the odor of shrimp,
My pecker goes flacid and limp.
But I get a huge horn
When a girl smells of prawn,
So pheremones are selective, I think.
59457 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Bob Mornington
A scientist struggled with charts,
Mixing beans and uranium tarts.
Politicians would feed,
And plants would procede
To perform on plutonium farts.
59458 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Albin Chaplin 3024-1986
The zoologist, one Dr. Platt,
Can identify beasts from their scat.
With an eminent group
Of consultants on poop,
This famed dropping-namer once sat.
59459 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Bob Giandomenico P9507
R.I.P. Stephen Jay Gould
A good man who did all he could
To snarl defiance
At "Creation Science"
And stop I.Q. testing for good.
59460 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Dr Limerick 05-20-02
These figures should give you a chill:
The little space left on Earth still
Folks are fucking away
With that twice-a-week lay,
So it's either The Bomb or The Pill!
59461 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY G1643
Ten billion on Earth without bitchin',
Say experts, and life will enrichen.
There is food, they agree,
But the experts don't see
That we may have to shit in the kitchen.
59462 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Albin Chaplin 3024-1953
A narcissist bachelor, Jack Sloan,
Declares he loves living alone,
Says he'll never wed
And won't share his bed
With anyone but his Sloan clone.
59463 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Evelyn Bogen P9705
Memorialized in some rock,
And lasting so long, what a shock!
A core sample showed
It was really old!
The things that stones say when they talk!
59464 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Matthew Montchalin
A year and a month has gone past,
Since sampling the rock was done last,
And judging by time
And layers of lime,
The airlessness kept things quite fast.
59465 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Matthew Montchalin
What else did they find? Tools of stone,
And stuff that was made out of bone,
And various critters,
The bones cooked as fritters,
And other things useful at home.
59466 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Matthew Montchalin
Just where, again, was this huge dig?
They set up in Woodburn their rig,
At a small urban park,
With a bullseye to mark;
Who'd ever guess they'd strike it big!
59467 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Matthew Montchalin
I guess they will name him "Woodburnus,"
A lost race that serves just to learn us:
The first to arrive
Don't always survive;
They often go right up the furnace.
59468 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Matthew Montchalin
And now they have just found a third.
And if that's not the strangest thing heard,
They say they've got bones
Amongst all those stones,
Of a huge prehistoric Big Bird.
59469 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Matthew Montchalin
They might have resembled big crows,
But men were the size of its nose!
When it flexed its wings,
It flew as if springs
Were mounted just under its toes.
59470 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Matthew Montchalin
Woodburnus Man hunted big chickens;
He chased them all over the dickens.
He caught them with spears
And ate them for years.
And all we got left is the pickin's.
59471 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY Matthew Montchalin
The world population's a fright;
Its numbers soar right out of sight.
Who's to blame? -- bear the brunt?
It's the prick and the cunt,
And expense of electric light.
59472 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY G1661
There's a fish known as the Eurasian ruffe;
In Lake Superior, it's got the right stuff.
Perch anglers say, "Why Me?"
This fish is so slimy,
In Lake Huron now, enough is enough.
59473 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY - INVADERS Anon
Who'd think that a zooplankton creature
With a hook as its dominant feature
And its tiny small size
With some dark black large eyes,
Could make trouble for fish trying to eat her.
59474 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY - INVADERS Anon
Seems the fishhook flea's causing some trouble.
Fish wish it would leave on the double,
'Cause the barbs on its tail
Make yellow perch wail.
Stop eating our food; it's a struggle.
59475 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY - INVADERS Anon
So how can we stop this invader
From feeding in the lake's trophic layers?
By inspecting your vessel,
Taking off things that're sessile
And rinsing boats with a high pressure sprayer.
59476 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY - INVADERS Anon
The invader came over by boat;
They thought it was a bit remote.
But they had their way
And decided to stay.
And now they all can really gloat.
59477 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY - INVADERS Anon
There once was a purple loosetrife;
Into wetlands it gave a new life.
Its seeds were dropped;
It couldn't be stopped.
Now would someone please hand me a knife.
59478 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY - INVADERS Anon
Through the Erie Canal they did come,
Due to settlers who seemed kind of dumb,
Changing things over time,
Clearcutting the shoreline,
Making water too warm for salmon.
59479 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY - INVADERS Anon
Free of predators, hardly a worry;
Lots of good fish to eat in a hurry;
Eel-like creatures imvade,
Eating natives they craved.
Populations explode in a flurry.
59480 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY - INVADERS Anon
Sea lampreys attach to their host;
Making sick, killing thousands, they boast.
So many fish creatures
That just want to reach near
The rivers and lakes they like most.
59481 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY - INVADERS Anon
The vampires of the Great Lakes,
They suck blood from the species they face.
Native fish never like 'em,
They yell "Lampreys, take and hike" 'n'
Get caught in a barrier, leave this place.
59482 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY - INVADERS Anon
Once mom and pop zebra mussel
Had started a really big tussle,
Then they moved their family
Of one hundred and three
Into a pipe with no fussle.
59483 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY - INVADERS Anon
Even though they all clustered low,
They impaired the intake water flow.
In came the authority,
Who tried to scrape free,
The two hundreds they had now to grow!
59484 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY - INVADERS Anon
Alas, the growing family struggled
To keep all the three hundred huddled.
Some mussels were scraped away
To a new place to stay,
Where other mussel families cuddled.
59485 SCIENCE - BIOLOGY - INVADERS Anon
Algae is an interesting topic.
It's too bad they're so microscopic.
But Van Leeuwenhoek
Allowed us to look.
They're now loved even by the myopic.
59486 SCIENCE - BOTANY Anon
I know a bloke from Leeds
Who once ate a packet of seeds.
His hair started growing,
Which soon needed mowing,
And he also had problems with weeds.
59487 SCIENCE - BOTANY Jim Weaver Collection
Musaceous may sound rather grim,
But ladies, quite proper and prim,
From both North and South,
Shove them into their mouth.
Bananas also fit a quim.
59488 SCIENCE - BOTANY Larry Davis P8712
Lazed many a hot summer day,
Down the Susquehanna to play.
But I never knew,
That bananas there grew;
Brought my own, se llama Jose.
59489 SCIENCE - BOTANY
Bananas are not what I measure;
I'd rather casabas to treasure.
I lick Carol's pair,
Causing RanDog to stare,
Wishing he too could harvest at leisure.
59490 SCIENCE - BOTANY
There was an Old Person of Leeds,
Whose buns were infested with weeds;
A strong herbicide
Enigmatically applied,
Is a bane in the ass, he agrees.
59491 SCIENCE - BOTANY Edwardian Leer 031
Ceriman is a mighty fine fruit,
Ma grew in her greenhouse to boot
Philodendron Monstera
Of this fruit is the bear-a.
Unlike beans, it won't make you toot!
59492 SCIENCE - BOTANY
My garden is fodder for bugs
And fungus and rabbits and slugs.
I fart on the squash,
But still they all knosh.
I wonder if I should try drugs.
59493 SCIENCE - BOTANY
A potato plant breeder named Mort
Bred a sticky-haired plant, a new sort.
And the beetles unwary,
Would be trapped by leaves hairy;
They were caught by the hairs that were short.
59494 SCIENCE - BOTANY Albin Chaplin
A morbid young lady named Jean,
Was known as the Masochist Queen.
She used thistles and cacti,
In pursuit of her practi,
In a manner both odd and obscene.
59495 SCIENCE - BOTANY L1706
I met this young Jean as a teen,
A nubile, pubescent coleen.
I showed her my phallus
Which she struck with malice,
Then smiled as she said, "Just routine."
59496 SCIENCE - BOTANY OgniGioia
Archaeologists have dug up the Plantimal,
A creature half plant and half animal.
On the one hand herbivorous
On the other carnivorous
And when dining alone, auto-cannibal.
59497 SCIENCE - BOTANY Jim Weaver Collection
A botany student named Gant
Disappeared after winning a grant.
He was found unmolested,
But partly digested,
Inside a carnivorous plant.
59498 SCIENCE - BOTANY
Argumentative, caustic Doc Block
Loved loud dickering, his trade in stock.
He spewed epithets blue
Till admonished, "Screw you!
This is Chickory, it isn't Dock."
59499 SCIENCE - BOTANY Loren C Fitzhugh P9809
The Thistle's out cruisin' for Chickeweed.
Along comes a cute little Hayseed.
Let's cross pollinate!
And now it's too late.
Took seconds to do the misdeed.
59500 SCIENCE - BOTANY Marlene Lewis
When you think of the hosts without No.
Who are slain by the deadly cuco.
It's quite a mistake,
Of such food to partake,
It results in a permanent slo.
59501 SCIENCE - BOTANY Anon (Reed) (Bibby)
A he-melon suffering droop
Spied a she-melon round as a hoop,
And he beamed as he said,
"Come away, let's be wed."
But she sighed and she said, "Canteloupe"
59502 SCIENCE - BOTANY Peter Wilkins
At first I was nice and I hoed 'em.
And once I agreed to explode 'em.
With those dandelions,
You can make vintage wines,
But I said, "Oh Hell" and I modem.
59503 SCIENCE - BOTANY Al Willis T9710
The hoeing and raking are fun,
As is digging outside in the sun;
But the moment to treasure?
The infinite pleasure
One feels when the forking is done.
59504 SCIENCE - BOTANY
I love to get out in the garden;
(Cross my fingers and begging your pardon).
The thrills are inviting --
Almost as exciting
As watching my arteries harden.
59505 SCIENCE - BOTANY John E Maywood P9809
I've decided this forking kerfuffle
Each week in my garden's enough; I'll
Go buy me a pig
And I'll get it to dig
By remarking, "Hey look, there's a truffle."
59506 SCIENCE - BOTANY Peter J Wilkins P9809
Sweet plant flower secretion, NECTAR,
Attacts birds and bees with detector,
To find nascent honey,
On days bright and sunny.
They don't know they're the gene pool protector.
59507 SCIENCE - BOTANY Daniel Ford
In these days of intense frost, all berries
Are more pinkish, like painted by fairies.
In the rush caused by tint
Let me give you this hint,
Disappear many fruits such as cherries.
59508 SCIENCE - BOTANY
An old mycological freak
Wore glasses, his eyes were so weak.
But he still couldn't tell
A false chanterelle.
The funeral's early next week.
59509 SCIENCE - BOTANY John Dole Odd BodkinP0203
In the springtime I started in seeding,
Then with nitrates my garden I'm feeding.
But for whatever the reason,
It sure seems that this season,
I've spent most of my time out there weeding.
59510 SCIENCE - BOTANY Bob Birch P9809
What's reddish and roundish and hairy,
And hangs from a bush light and airy;
Often hidden away
From the broad light of day,
Beneath a stiff prick -- A gooseberry.
59511 SCIENCE - BOTANY G0351
There once was a man named Ted,
With pot growing out of his head.
The cause of these weeds
Was from smoking the seeds,
Or so I have often heard said.
59512 SCIENCE - BOTANY VOL 10
The Hanging Gardens, Babylon,
Were innocent of what went on.
Some asthmatic chief
In hopes of relief,
Had had the Gardens hanged at dawn.
59513 SCIENCE - BOTANY Irving Superior P9809
My garden's an overgrown mess,
For I hate growing plants. I confess
That my gardening shears
Have been missing for years;
But it causes me little distress.
59514 SCIENCE - BOTANY Peter J Wilkins P9809
I really abhor horticulture
Though I slave with the hoe and the mulcher.
The fruit of my labors
Amuses my neighbors,
As food barely fit for a vulture.
59515 SCIENCE - BOTANY John E Mayhoodb P9808
I hardly think science, per se,
Could ever be classed as risque,
But those pistils and stamen
Get hot and start flamin',
And I cannot conceal this hearsay.
59516 SCIENCE - BOTANY Al Willis P9809
John showed his fine plants to whore Gulcher;
She sneered, "Pour a drink for me, vulture."
So said John, "I do think
You can lead whores to drink,
But you cannot lead a horticulture."
59517 SCIENCE - BOTANY Albin Chaplin 3024 P9803
I nutured and watered and fed
It, manured it and tended its bed.
And it grew (at a pinch)
Just a third of an inch;
Then the bloody thing wilted instead.
59518 SCIENCE - BOTANY Peter J Wilkins P9809
With murder in mind I embark
On my secret mission in the dark.
My progress impeded;
I just should have weeded --
With poison now I'll make my mark.
59519 SCIENCE - BOTANY Marlene Lewis
We've been fighting the weeds, don't you see,
In our yard. They've grown way past my knee.
Haven't kill bamboo root,
Though we yet again shoot
It with "brush-and-stump root killer" tea.
59520 SCIENCE - BOTANY Hilde na Beag
With Roundup I spray all the weeds;
I'm killing them all -- and their seeds.
I'll turn a blind eye
As they wither and die.
The night sky will hide my evil deeds.
59521 SCIENCE - BOTANY Marlene Lewis
Warned Granddaddy: "She who hunts roots
To kill, has gone into cahoots
With Chris, that old 'Sister.'
So every wise mister
Should run fast and far in his boots.
59522 SCIENCE - BOTANY Travis Brasell
The liquid was gooey and grey,
And smelled like an old horse-drawn dray.
But the Gardener said
It kills thrips stone dead,
When used as my best lettuce spray.
59523 SCIENCE - BOTANY Archie
Ian Grey was a drunk from Bombay
Who tippled your best lettuce spray.
After pumping his tummy,
The doc said, "You rummy!
The liquid was goo, Ian Grey!"
59524 SCIENCE - BOTANY
A green-thumbed redhead named Mauna,
Said, as she steamed in a sauna,
"Though I have a yen
For Japanese men,
I much prefer bonsai to fauna."
59525 SCIENCE - BOTANY Sumac
An Euell Gibbons type fellow, Craig Camp,
Went foraging for some fresh ramp.
He boiled them with milk,
Mashed his spuds smooth as silk,
And produced a terrific Ramp Champ.
59526 SCIENCE - BOTANY Steven A Shaw
Anjon, Bosc, Cornice pears, don't you see,
Bartlett's and Prickly ones are for me.
Every species I savor.
Among them I've no favor-
ite. With me they've achieved parity.
59527 SCIENCE - BOTANY L C Fitzhugh P0112
An herbaceous border named Clint
Was planted in sand and some flint.
As thru life he cruised,
His roots badly bruised,
He's cursed with lust for a mint. (labiatae)
59528 SCIENCE - BOTANY
Luther Burbank was once heard to plead,
"Who can furnish me with what I need,
For a hybrid first class
And exotic, not crass?"
To which Burpee replied, "Try this seed."
59529 SCIENCE - BOTANY Loren C Fitzhugh P9809
Today I woke up with a yawn
And went down to the garden at dawn,
Where I gasped in surprise
At the height and the size
Of the thistles invading the lawn.
59530 SCIENCE - BOTANY Peter J Wilkins P9809
Old Charlie spends all of his hours
In sunshine and thundery showers,
Perfecting the lingo
Of plant life and bingo!
His mesembryanthemum flowers.
59531 SCIENCE - BOTANY Peter Wilkins
'Twas something that all of them dreaded,
A horrible thought...to be shredded.
When you do horticulture,
Look out for that mulcher,
(You could tell where this limerick was headed.)
59532 SCIENCE - BOTANY Bob Birch P9809
Said the mushroom most pleadingly, "Why
Do folks doubt me and say that I lie,
When I tell them I'm nice
And can prove in a trice.
They should think of me as a fun gi!
59533 SCIENCE - BOTANY Loren C Fitzhugh
A plant-loving woman named Nora,
She filled her whole house up with flora.
It grew up the walls
And down all the halls,
And provided a natural aura.
59534 SCIENCE - BOTANY Cap'n Bean P9809
There once was a lassie named Linda
Who grew all her plants in a winda.
The plants grew and grew;
It was then that she knew
That a greenhouse was on the agenda.
59535 SCIENCE - BOTANY Chris
A friend of mine, young Oscar Sneed,
Knew all about plants, soil, and seed.
While some of his plants
Won prizes in France,
He never did learn how to weed.
59536 SCIENCE - BOTANY Al Willis P9808
I hope this new compost succeeds
In its task of inhibiting weeds,
While providing enough
Of the nourishing stuff
For my mesembryanthemum seeds.
59537 SCIENCE - BOTANY Peter J Wilkins P9809
A wise man by the name of Trevor
Wrote sayings he thought were clever.
"You can lead a sheep to slaughter.
You can lead a horse to water,
But not a horticulture, never!"
59538 SCIENCE - BOTANY Tom Patton P9809
A lesbian lady from Leeds
Once swallowed a packet of seeds,
In hopes some would grow
Where no man could go,
But all of her offspring were weeds.
59539 SCIENCE - BOTANY John Miller 0256
In my fridge there resides a mold,
Whose colors are stunningly bold.
When I found it last night,
I said with a fright,
That the thing must be twenty years old.
59540 SCIENCE - BOTANY Jim Weaver Collection
Let the Peanut-Allergic Board notes
Show we've got a new head: Redswell Bloats.
"I'm not nuts!": these staunch words
Helped him garner two-thirds
Of the goober-naytorial votes.
59541 SCIENCE - BOTANY Anon
They called him botanical Billy,
On account of his wonderful willy.
Its shaft was all dark
And covered with bark,
While his foreskin looked just like a lily.
59542 SCIENCE - BOTANY Steve Pridgeon
I got tired of just whiling away
The dusk to dawn hours each day.
I know it sounds corny,
But he only gets horny
In a photosynthetical way.
59543 SCIENCE - BOTANY Jim Weaver Collection
If your little thing stands up for me,
I will surely show respect for thee.
I'd cut off your treasure,
If it shows a good measure,
And use it as my phylactery.
59544 SCIENCE - BOTANY
No need for the wisdom of Plato
To know you can't wed a potato:
All planning is futile
For tuber ain't utile
For mating -- so pick a tomato.
59545 SCIENCE - BOTANY R. J. Winkler P8405
While gathering onions, Nicholas
Heard one whisper, "He's going to pickle us."
He replied, "Don't be silly,
I preferr piccalilli,
Not onions, that would be ridiculous."
59546 SCIENCE - BOTANY Funfax Limericks
There once was a man named Huntz,
Who planted an acre of cunts.
They came up in the fall,
Pubic hair and all;
Huntz ate cunts for months.
59547 SCIENCE - BOTANY
There's a neighborhood out in the 'burbs,
That is heavily into their herbs;
They've planted them down
All over the town;
On the street sides, along all the curbs.
59548 SCIENCE - BOTANY Cap'n Bean P9809
An old horticulturalist, Tatum,
Kept parrots and said, "How I hate 'em.
My Mesembryanthemum,
Spurge and Chrysanthemum ,
Died because Polygonatum."
59549 SCIENCE - BOTANY Peter J Wilkins P9807
A gardening friend gave me hope
When he gave me a heliotrope
In a pot as a gift,
But as soon as I sniffed
It, I knew it was probably dope.
59550 SCIENCE - BOTANY Peter J Wilkins P9809
Salix discolor's an odd sort of phyllo;
I mused, laying back on my pillow.
In a dioecious genus,
Some are male (without penis)
Yet somehow it's called "pussy willow!"
59551 SCIENCE - BOTANY Knotweed
Horticulturalist Pierre Lebeau
Is a friendly young Frenchman I know.
He'll yell out "Bon Jour,"
As he shovels manure,
While reciting "You'll reap what you sow!"
59552 SCIENCE - BOTANY Bob Birch P9808
"Your rhubarb, I've noticed it grows
By the outhouse, where everyone goes!"
Grandad said, "Lad,
It isn't so bad.
They're family. Just people we knows!"
59553 SCIENCE - BOTANY Tutta Gioia
I just played the Grim Reaper today;
Mowed my lawn all by hand, all the way --
I was using a scythe!
You don't fear for your life?
Someone care for a roll in the hay?
59554 SCIENCE - BOTANY
There was a young girl from Naupactus
Who had an affair with a cactus.
Though she tried many tricks
And endured many pricks,
Still the cactus is virgo intactus.
59555 SCIENCE - BOTANY Michelle Lorvic P2006
My balls? My dear, I haven't got any!
My sex life's an "Intro to Botany;"
These ulcers? Good gracious!
Scrophulariaceous
Reminders I dab with raw rhatany.
(rhatany - dried root of two species of scroph)
59556 SCIENCE - BOTANY Robin K. Willoughby P8512
"Can't you fools see where this is all leading,
This nightmare of selective breeding?"
He spat on the ground
And then turned around,
And continued on with his weeding.
59557 SCIENCE - BOTANY VOL 7
Young Geraldine Smith's one of them that is
So keen on her garden, (a gem that is,)
Lads get a surprise,
When, skirt round her thighs,
She willingly shows off her clematis.
59558 SCIENCE - BOTANY
Echinacea is horrible stuff!
Never had it but I've had enough.
I can smell it from here;
It makes shit appear
To be farts through a pink powder puff.
59559 SCIENCE - BOTANY Karen
A bashful young mushroom named Gus
Went courting his girl with a fuss;
He shyly pursued her
And anxiously wooed her --
Ecstatic, she yelled, "SOME FUNGUS!"
59560 SCIENCE - BOTANY R. J. Winkler P8405
Said Sonia of Staraya Russa:
"By Stalin! Why can't I seduce a
Young man to my bed?
I must keep there instead
The fruit of a species of Musa.
(Musa - genus of the banana)
59561 SCIENCE - BOTANY John Leighly G2213a
Old Marg was the spice of Herb's life --
Henbane of existence, his wife.
Had no money! (Oh rue!)
Their lovage was true --
They wondered how they could loose strife.
59562 SCIENCE - BOTANY
One day while they looked in the myrrh,
Old Herb, (parsley deaf) did bestir.
Coriander group
Of nudists on the stoop,
Asked "May we rent land from you, sir?"
59563 SCIENCE - BOTANY
(Basil, (the scallion!), sheds cloves
Endives underneath the oak groves.)
"You see that nut, Meg?
Anise naked peg?!
Soon they'll be cumin in droves."
59564 SCIENCE - BOTANY
The Spurge went out cruisin' for Chickweed,
His only thought scatterin' plantseed.
The herbicide got 'im,
'Fore Dad Ragweed caught 'im;
New little weeds trying to quick breed.
59565 SCIENCE - BOTANY
I'm informed Gregor Mendel has said,
"This is gospel, so please have it spread.
My research with sweet peas
Made me violently sneeze,
So I just stuck with cactus instead."
59566 SCIENCE - BOTANY Loren C Fitzhugh P9809
Each botany student this week
A plant he will study must seek
The girl in row three
Very quick, took a pea,
While the student in back took a leek.
59567 SCIENCE - BOTANY Arnie Schoenbrun P0212
When he'd wander around without clothes,
She called him a thorn on the rose.
When he asked her why,
She gave this reply:
"I've often been pricked-on by those."
59568 SCIENCE - BOTANY Fred Cohen P8312
We have here a woman of needs
Requesting the planting of seeds.
I think I will toil
At tilling her soil,
If only to see where it leads.
59569 SCIENCE - BOTANY
How carefully I sow and I seed;
To grow flowers, do all that I need.
But one thing that I know
Is what's certain to grow;
It's that damned ubiquitous weed.
59570 SCIENCE - BOTANY Warrick Elrod
Horticulture uplifts Arthur Deex
As he strolls by the glades and the creeks
Where young lovers abound
And the rushes resound
With the high inspiration he seeks.
(Arthur Deex editor of Pentatette)
59571 SCIENCE - BOTANY John E Mayhood P9809
Phil Stein was a botanist who
Took dates to his greenhouse to screw.
When his wife heard, of course,
She sued for divorce
Citing Phil as a wandering Jew.
59572 SCIENCE - BOTANY
Some friends had asked me to meet 'em
At our great local arboretum.
But on the date they appointed,
They were sure disappointed,
Because I never got there to greet 'em.
59573 SCIENCE - BOTANY Popsicle TP9807
The weeds, I have found never die;
It's easier to compute pi
Than to kill those greens,
Who strangle my beans,
And manage to live though I try.
59574 SCIENCE - BOTANY Vladdus
A byre's a barn full of dust;
A flower's a weed that has just
Been tricked from the seed
Of the fancified weed,
And can't stand alone. The weed must.
59575 SCIENCE - BOTANY Karen
Now digging the garden's a chore,
And my hands are all blistered and sore.
But it has to be done
Or the weeds will have won;
It's like fighting a hundred year war.
59576 SCIENCE - BOTANY Peter J Wilkins P9809
I submit there's an obvious link
You might miss if your eye would just blink.
Cash could be the mulch or
Jewels could lead to culture
Any whore, but then who'd make her think?
59577 SCIENCE - BOTANY Loren C Fitzhugh P9809
Horticulturally speaking I'm not
Very good, though I give it a shot.
But I feel such a failure;
My roses and dahlia
Are dying from leaf mould and rot.
59578 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Peter J Wilkins P9809
There once was a man from Cleves,
Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
In half of an hour,
His dick was a flower,
And his ass was a bundle of weeds.
59579 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS
A man had considerable woes;
His magnolias grew from his toes.
But the strangest of all
Was what grew from his ball
Was a beautiful prize-winning rose.
59580 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Laurence E Bernstein
On seeing or smelling a rose
The usual comments are "Oh's."
But when one is picked
And if one is pricked,
A viler type comment arose.
59581 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Irving Superior P9809
Among my better garden spots,
I planted some "forget-me-nots."
I drew a map with care
And placed the map somewhere,
Among my more disturbing thoughts.
59582 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Irving Superior P9809
There was a professor of Botany
Who his students called Dr. Monotony.
He'd drone on for hours
On the sex lives of flowers.
Of his own, they alleged, he'd not got any.
59583 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Laurence Perrine P9409
Whenever I am passing by,
To my Hibiscus I say, "Hi."
And when I reach the gate,
As though we had a date,
To my Biennials I "Bye."
59584 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Irving Superior P9809
My old horticultural mate
Says the Hollyhock isn't so great.
So I'll plant in your bower
A Kniphofia flower,
Upon which you care to gyrate.
59585 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Sweet P
The woman who grew meconopsis
Was asked to give a synopsis.
"How can I," she cried,
"When all of them died,
Do more that describe their autopsies?"
(meconopsis is hard-to-grow Himalayan blue poppy)
59586 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Mason Phelps P9711
When Algernon Smith from Australia
Tried to breed a glorious new dahlia,
He first got it talking,
And then it went walking
But making it hop was a failure.
59587 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Funfax Limericks
A botanist grew a rosebud,
That once fell in love with a dud.
But he interfered
As nuptuals neared,
And he nipped the thing right in the bud.
59588 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Al Willis P9809
A bold and quite lecherous anther
Found a stigma and tried to enchanther.
She found it appallin'
That he had no pollen,
So he gave up his plans to romanther.
59589 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Al Willis P9809
A rose by any other name...
So Irving (other name) became.
But folks began to sniff
And when they got a whiff,
Agreed they do not smell the same.
59590 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Irving Superior P9809
I tend to my orchids each day;
At night unto Jesus I pray:
"Please spare my Lycaste
From slugs that are nasty;
They munch all the new growth away.
59591 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Joe
A man, though well-liked by the gals,
Preferred to consort with his Phals.
With Girls, sex was enigma,
Give him anthers and stigma,
'Cause orchids were his very best pals.
59592 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Buz
There once was a girl named Amanda
Whose family heard her demand a
Plant that would flower
In a beautiful shower,
So they happily bought her a Vanda.
59593 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Betts
There was a Vandaceous collector,
Who fell for a postal inspector.
He cured all her blahs
With the best Yip Sum Wahs,
For for imports he had to reject her!
59594 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Tim
Ascondas will grow in the trees
And Laelias bloom in the breeze.
But they died in my pot,
And for why, I know not.
Perhaps they don't like a good freeze!
59595 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Joe
There was an old actress named Brenda
(She starred in the Prisoner of Zenda)
Her manners were gracious
Her orchids vandaceous,
And she had a real good Ascocenda.
59596 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Betts
Whenever I'm heaped with opprobium,
I gaze at my post of dendrobium,
My spicy anosum,
I know it will grow some
And be worth of a place on the podium.
59597 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Betts
There once was a Paph in a pot,
Which wanted to bloom but could not.
We gave it, in time,
Some water and lime,
And now the old Paph blooms a lot!
59598 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Joe
A young Cattleya grower named Bunny
Claimed that her orchids were funny.
She tickled their lips
With colchicine strips
And grew in Plutonium honey!
59599 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Tim
Horticultural life is for me,
Sowing seeds with abandon and glee;
My Kniphofia grows
'Mid the bushes of Rose,
And Petunia, Heather, and thee.
59600 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Peter Wilkins
A young man who fucks knotholes in trees,
Says revenge is his reason, and he's
Had relations with shrubs,
Since the best garden clubs
Snubbed his purple and pink peonies.
59601 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Anon
Be he victim or vandal or sleaze,
He ignores Pete the Park Ranger's pleas:
Not to put on a condom,
Pete says, is beyond him,
These days what with Dutch Elm Disease.
59602 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Anon
A herbaceous gardner named Bowers
Tried keep his mind off his flowers.
But their pistels and stamens
(The sex parts, you laymens)
Kept pollen grains flying in showers.
59603 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Archie
There once was a rose so red,
It existed where buried Ceasers bled.
This rose it cried
As one day it died;
Some cretin had chopped off it's head.
59604 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS
The secret of Rhodo and Phil
No longer can I keep it still.
Rhodo Dendron
Philo Dendron
And happiness evermore will.
59605 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Irving Superior P9809
A young man from Bonneville Cays
Grew potatoes out of both knees.
On the end of his nose
Grew a rare kind of rose,
And you'll never guess where he grew these!
59606 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Bill Wall
Hibiscus is flaming and frillier.
Oleander is neater and chillier.
Frangipani smell sweeter
But is somehow effeter
Than a tower of puce Bouganvillea.
59607 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Ruth Silcock
My geraniums, fuschias and phlox
Are surrounded by hedges of box,
Which I planted to keep
Out my good neighbor's sheep,
But they still eat my roses and stocks.
59608 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Peter J Wilkins P9809
Planted daffodils all in a row
And was proud as I watched them all grow.
"I'm a gardening wizard,"
I thought; then a blizzard
Dumped twenty-five inches of snow.
59609 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Peter J Wilkins P9809
Why is a chrysanthemum mum?
It is true that all flowers are dumb.
Much like a giraffe,
They can't even laugh.
That's why a chrysanthemums mum!
59610 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Tom Patton P9809
A tulip bulb, down in Australia,
Exclaimed, "I'm a terrible failure!
I grew in my sleep,
But I've just had a peep,
And I think I've come up as a dahlia."
59611 SCIENCE - BOTANY - FLOWERS Funfax Limericks
There once was a schoolboy named Mark,
Afraid of the trees in the dark.
His friends said, "Poor mite,
Do you think they will bite?"
He said, "No, I'm afraid of their bark!"
59612 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES
Remember the girls here all trust
That you don't have "Arboreal Rust".
It's a nasty disease,
Oft affecting the knees,
And turns torsos and trunks into dust.
59613 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES
A popular young woodsman named Kline
A laurel recieved for work fine.
On the beech he got lit,
Then did spruce up a bit,
And proceeded to balsam and pine.
59614 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Albin Chaplin 3024-2645
There was a tree surgeon named Dwight,
Who had an incredible fright.
While curing a tree
It alarmed him to see
That it's bark was much worse than its blight!
59615 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Reminisce P9310
A badly skinned fellow named Knight
Was chased up a tree in a fright
By a dog that just nipped him,
But the tree badly stripped him,
And the bark was much worse than the bite.
59616 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Albin Chaplin 3024-2647
Now, I am a tree, born of Pappy,
And until just today, I was happy.
But some folks annoy me
And nearly destroy me.
When they, without guile, call me sappy.
59617 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Al Willis P9809
On the sidewalk, my paper bag sags;
It splits open; stuff zigs and stuff zags;
Birds fly off with the goods,
Eat and poop in the woods;
Grows more trash trees, for cheap grocery bags.
59618 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Allen Wolverton
And so, watch the life cycle go,
Like a fan -- she suck and she blow.
When beans in a bag
Are spilled by a fag,
In the woods, they've nowhere to go.
59619 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Brian
But up that young tree like a pole,
Where they soak up the air and old Sol,
With botanical arts,
They lock up the farts
That, eaten by humans, they dole!
59620 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Brian
Like strippers, the oak and the ash,
Each autumn denude in a flash,
But the conifer sene
Is to hold on to green,
Like misers preserving their cash.
59621 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Tiddy Ogg
In the foregoing our dear author wheedles
Us to forget that pines have their needles,
Which do indeed fall
Though not at once all,
But their a pain in the ass, yes indeedles!
59622 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Jenni Saqua
Of course that's quite true what you've mooted,
To gales, though, broad leaves are well suited.
At nature's insistence,
To cut wind resistence,
They're shed so the tree's not uprooted.
59623 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Tiddy Ogg
My cottonwood's causing me grief,
And not on account of de-leaf.
It's roots, you might know,
Gives foundations heave-ho.
The size of some shoots...beyond belief!
59624 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Jenni Saqua
"The dogwoods we find in the park,"
Explained a professor named Clark,
"Grow all in one plot
And are easy to spot.
We distinguish these trees by their bark."
59625 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES A. N. Wilkins P8311
Eucalyptus trees are dubbed, down under,
Gum Trees, and their seed pods can sunder
An unwary foot,
Unerringly put
On top of a nut; Aussies blunder.
59626 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES John & Liz
Gum nuts are what these seed pods
Are dubbed, differing in size, the sods.
From half inch funsters
To two inch munsters;
The big ones can damage your bod.
59627 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES John & Liz
But the most important of all,
Eucalypts don't drop leaves in fall.
The time they all drop
Is when all growth does stop;
Permanent dormancy casts its pall.
59628 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES John & Liz
The gum tree is sturdy and tall,
Deciduously bare in the fall.
It's lovely of leaf,
But gave me some grief,
The time I first stepped on its ball.
59629 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES H Whelchel
I think you are in for rebutts
To correct some botanical ruts.
Your complaint about grief
Cumbers with wrong belief
If you think that a gum tree has nuts!
59630 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Chumly
Technically, gums have a fruit;
For nits, it's a poor substitute.
It can't be comsumed
And I am foredoomed
To rake up each spiny round brute.
59631 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Chumly
Here we just call them gum balls,
And arborists spray aerosols --
It's tree birth control,
And costs a bankroll --
But stifles those dreaded ball falls.
59632 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES H Whelchel
A botany student named Lee
Fell madly in love with a tree.
Each knothole with care
He embellished with hair.
And went wild on a tree-fucking spree.
59633 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Albin Chaplin 3024 G2156
A tree-surgeon, though a skilled chap,
Couldn't master one great handicap;
For despite being good
Treating sickness in wood,
He's faint at the mere sight of sap.
59634 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Bob Giandomenico P9411
An old lumberjack named Freeze
Spent his life fucking knotholes in trees.
He said, "In the summer,
It sure is a bummer,
If you don't check them for bees."
59635 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Skumbunny
A perverted young girl of Three Rivers
Gives her sisters a case of the shivers;
Sexy spasms has she,
Rubbing up on a tree,
And again when extracting the slivers.
59636 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Keith MacMillan 44c
It was right in the middle of winter
Bill ran there as fast as a sprinter
But he was so damned hot
The dumbass plumb forgot
With *virgin* you get a big splinter.
59637 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES
Young Douglas (a fir tree) loved Toyah
But suffered acute paranoia;
Though proudly coniferous,
Tall and splendiferous,
God, how he hated Sequoia.
59638 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES
Philosopher Arthur C Clark,
Thought dogs climbed up trees after dark.
He told Billy Atkins,
"They're chewing the catkins,
You listen, you'll hear the tree bark."
59639 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Tiddy Ogg
There once was a logger named Earl
Who thought he'd give trees a whirl.
He's in pain, alas,
For it came to pass,
The tree was the home of a squirrel.
59640 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Skumbunny
A myopic tree surgeon named Lee
Trapped an agile young wench in a tree.
Jeered she, "Shift your whopper,
You careless limb lopper!
That's a moss-covered knothole - not me!"
59641 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES
A tree-loving skeptic named Lee
Seduced a grown tree with esprit,
And in triumph did shout
That he too, without doubt,
Was proficient in making a tree.
(What is this shit only God makes trees - McW)
59642 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Albin Chaplin 3024-1879
A woodsman who lived in Dundee
Had diddled an oak tree with glee.
From the end of his cock
Came a wisp of a stalk,
Which grew to a mighty oak tree.
59643 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Albin Chaplin 3024-0689
Said the oak, "It's not nice to crow,
But trees are much purer, you know.
The birds and the bees
Are all nasty sleaze:
But mighty oaks from little acorns grow."
59644 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Anon
A nearsighted Park Ranger named Lee
Had his girl pressed up to a tree.
"Move your thing up a bit,
If you want to hit clit.
That's a moss-covered knothole...not me!
59645 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Brad Tribulato
If you don't mow and leave the weeds be,
You'll get more than one species of tree.
The more trees you get,
The less mowing to fret;
And all the new shelter is free.
59646 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Karen
Leave the trees be, never mow;
Lady Slippers and Violets with grow.
Poppies and Crocus,
Buttercups won't choke us
And Sweet William will make our yards glow.
59647 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Karen
In order to pursue great deeds,
I planted some trees and grass seeds.
In a month, what a mess!
A mistake I confess,
'Cause I can't see the trees for the weeds.
59648 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES John Paulk P9807
To the forest primeval went Spurgeon,
For within him he felt a deep urgin'.
There he fucked up a sapling,
With which he was grappling,
And the forest was no longer virgin.
59649 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Albin Chaplin 3024-1397
A young girl, name of Mrs. Muntry,
Ate an acorn while out in the country.
It grew so slow
Way down below;
Now love is sweeping the cunt tree.
59650 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Tom Patton P9803
Luther Burbank once went on a spree
And when sober he said, "Holy Gee!
I trust it was a dream
Though it really did seem
I put Partridge grafts on a Pear Tree."
59651 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Loren C Fitzhugh P9809
A noted tree-surgeon named Fogg
Developed a tree that could jog.
But the tree, fully grown,
Had a mind of its own,
For it ran out and pissed on a dog.
59652 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Albin Chaplin 3024-2051
A geneticist developed a tree;
Instead of fruit, it bore pussy.
Although it looked odd,
It decorated his yard
But his neighbors didn't agree.
59653 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Puff Adder
The neighbors hauled him to court;
The proceedings were very short.
Dig up the tree
Or be hung, you see,
Thereby its growth you'll abort.
59654 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Puff Adder
The man said, "Far be it for me
To kill off my progeny;
And you can bet,
I have one regret,
I have one life to give my cunt tree."
59655 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Puff Adder
A virgin of Vernon, B.C.
Was resolved to be raped by a tree!
She was dropped from a plane
Over forest terrain
And on landing was heard to say "WHEEEE."
59656 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Keith MacMillan 103a
Do the monkeys on Florida's Keys
Overstrip bark from red mangrove trees?
"To find out," said a judge,
"There I'll solemnly trudge."
But she sank in mud up to her knees.
(article in The Boston Globe)
59657 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Prof M-G T9707
A rugged old lumberman Lee
Wed a one-legged maid of Dundee,
For he saw by the grain
That her peg did contain
The knothole he fucked in a tree.
59658 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Albin Chaplin 3024-1877
Once a Julia Butterfly Hill
Spied a redwood tree loggers would kill.
So she lived in its peak
For two years and a week;
Now she's spared it the dread lumber mill.
59659 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Prof M-G
A frigid young wife had MacFogg;
In bed she was known as a dog.
She learned nothing from bees,
But she had studied trees,
For she learned how to sleep like a log.
59660 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Albin Chaplin 3024-1365
A bow-legged fellow named Teas,
Was arrested Tarzaning in trees.
"That elm was a fright --
Could have perched there all night,
But it's bark's even worse that its bees!"
59661 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Cybergeezer T9712
At night, I take walks in the park,
Because I can't sleep when it's dark;
The reason is clear:
I can't stand to hear
The constant noise of the tree's bark.
59662 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Travis Brasell
Give up your cows and your hay!
Give me your Ironwood, I say!
Just one little bitey
Of your Arborvitae?
(I'll ensure that you're Tree-ted okay.)
59663 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Ericka
Can you answer me this if you please;
Do you have an obsession with trees?
For whatever you're riding,
You're always colliding
With branches and hurting your knees.
59664 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Peter Wilkins
But I guess this obsession's less harm-
ful than getting your kicks from a farm
Full of ponies and horses.
(Though Bessie of course has
Exceptional sexual charm.)
59665 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Peter Wilkins
Now it's alright for my friends and me
And the guys in this limerick sea,
To cavort with a cow,
But your fetish is, (how
shall I put it) "unnatural"; Agree?
59666 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Peter Wilkins
Will you give up your ridin' and dashin'
Around with your lunatic passion
For crushing those trees
With your thighs and your knees?
Can you treat me in similar fashion?
59667 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Peter Wilkins
I'll Cedar your need in that way,
For you know that I Maple, Oak A?
And Elm ache Yew feel good
With my hardness of wood,
'Cause I know you need Fir Cone all day.
59668 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Peter Wilkins
There was a tree surgeon named Liggatry
Who was summoned to come out and dig a tree.
But the hue and variety
Gave him cause for anxiety,
And he chose not to fuck with too big a tree.
59669 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Albin Chaplin
The tree raised by botanist Claude
Was taught to write poems (but how odd!).
But the tree, though a poet,
Was a fool and we know it,
For only a man could make God.
59670 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Al Chaplin P9006
The forest that's virgin began
With Nature's preparing a plan
To produce stately trees,
'Midst a sweet scented breeze,
Untrod by the crude hand of man.
59671 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Albin Chaplin 3024-2440
In the forest serene, there grew one tree,
Which had knotholes that made it a fun tree.
A lone ranger went by;
As he unzipped his fly,
He said, "What can I do for my cunt tree?"
59672 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Albin Chaplin 3024-2342
An adventurous fellow named Decker,
Saw a knothole and thought he would check her.
On withdrawing his winkle,
He pissed in a sprinkle,
From the jabs of a vicious woodpecker.
59673 SCIENCE - BOTANY - TREES Frank Fazed
A chemist exceedingly mean,
In a tar pot has dunked his colleen.
But then he relented,
And even repented,
And painted her body with chlorine.
59674 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Al Willis
A bungling Argentine fellow,
Who went by the name of Marcelo,
Embarked on a quest
To turn albiceleste
(By alchemical genius) to yellow.
59675 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY
Amino acids in chains,
Are the cause, so the X-ray explains,
Of the strengthening of wool,
And its strength when you pull
And show why it shrinks when it rains.
59676 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Linda Patterson
There once was a man name Arrhenius.
His actions were always spontaneous.
He plotted ln(k)
Against 1/T,
And now he's considered a genius.
59677 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY
There once was a girl named Irene,
Who lived on distilled kerosene,
But she started absorbin'
A new hydrocarbon,
And since then has never benzine.
59678 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY
Boron, with some added bluster,
Can combine to make quite a cluster.
It's acidic, not caustic,
With hydrogen agnostic;
Reducing organics it can muster.
59679 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Anon
Follows boron in electronic sequence;
Without it, we would have no existence.
It's not at all brassy
And nowhere near gassy,
Carbon is what makes a difference.
59680 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Anon
Saving iron from corrosion's a must.
Iron oxide's all over like dust.
But when to iron, zinc's connected,
It's cathodically protected,
Because zinc keeps away all the rust.
59681 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY
A stud who lived in the dorm,
Tried in lab to prepare chloroform.
But the sample he'd keep
Put that creep in deep sleep
And he couldn't wake up to perform.
59682 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY
Answer this question if you will,
What colors the green of dill?
In a plant cell,
Is a chemical,
That goes by the name chlorophyll!
59683 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Chris Matthews
The Clausis-Clapeyron pair
Were two men with a p-chem flair.
Who said natural log of p
Changes with T
As delta H over RT square.
59684 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Todd Wilkinson
In '53, Watson and Crick
Were thinking, when suddenly -- Click!
They'd figured the way
That stuff, DNA
Twin spiralled, to make us all tick.
59685 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Tiddy Ogg
DNA builds a case, brick by brick,
But lawyers cannot learn it quick.
They study a lot
And become quite adroit.
If they don't, they consult Watson-Crick.
59686 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Jim Weaver Collection
Applying new DNA tests
Calls to question some famous arrests;
Forensic revision
Of jury decisions
Means defendants cannot ever rest.
59687 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Dr Limerick 12-06-01
Bond formation can be unwell,
Electrons join up in a shell,
For it doesn't seem fine
To say they combine,
When we know very well they repel!
59688 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY
Can there be any levity
In electronegativity?
Fluorine is high,
As are others nearby.
How is that for brevity.
59689 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Devlin Gualtieri
There was a young chemist named Keith,
Who escaped by the skin of his teeth
From H2SO4
While the family bore
The explosions going on underneath.
59690 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Keith MacMillan 12a
There was a young chemist neamed Neal
Who loved circus life a great deal.
So he coupled his trade
With his love and he made
A large stainless steel ferrous wheel.
59691 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Al Willis P9806
There was a young girl from Madras
Who had a magnificent gas.
When hot, it would stink,
When cold, it would shrink,
And PV was related to mass.
59692 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY
A foolish young chemist named Kroll
Heated fulminate up in a bowl.
Without distillation
He got separation,
I.e. of his body and soul.
59693 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Poul Anderson P8211
I think that most students agree,
We really don't like chemistry.
Homework...There's tons.
And these seats hurt my buns,
And we'd rather be watching TV.
59694 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY
A salt at the dawn of creation
Prayed to Aquarius for its solvation.
And that solvation force
Caused an ionic divorce
In a sacrament known as hydration.
59695 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY
Indium is quite a seductor,
Wooing many a chemistry instructor.
A lewis acid in brine,
Making reactions benign;
It turns ceramic to super-conductor.
59696 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Anon
A chemistry student, named Chester,
Spent hours in lab each semester.
He discovered one week
A synthesis unique,
Which he named for his wife, Polly Ester.
59697 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Reminisce P9310
Chemical Physics, it's said,
To good mathematics has led.
But thoughts of entropy
Can make you feel dopey,
And lead to a pain in the head.
59698 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Literary Group
A chemist whom some of you know.
Just loved to see ice and deep snow.
He mixed Tungsten and Tin
And some Oxygen,
And he finally fashioned some SnOW.
59699 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Al Willis
A Mad Scientist who lived in Cologne
Found most vitamins easy to clone.
But the art he espoused
Was to be so aroused,
That with ease he could make his hormone!
59700 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Liam na Beag
When mercury fulminate dries,
You have to avoid where it lies.
A step on that stuff
Will detonate -- PUFF!
And render a beating your prize.
59701 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Nick
There once was a compound, methane,
Who looked on the rest with disdain.
"In the list I am first."
He said with a burst,
As his friend held a match to his brain.
59702 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY
These limericks are peculiar things;
Their lines have particular rings.
You fit them together
Like methane and ether,
And then you just stand up and sing!
59703 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Jim Weaver Collection
A sixth grader came into my view
And his "gangsta" clothes offered a clue.
In the folds and the sags
Of his drooping crotch bags,
Lurked a mortar and a pistol too.
59704 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Loren Fitzhugh P0204
In my youth, I was always dead keen
On the lab and the practical scene.
The electrics, the glassware,
The wax, string and brassware;
But now there is only a screen.
59705 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Joan M Freeman
For isomers, Van't Hoff and LeBel
Created a theory that works well.
To understand variation
In optical rotation,
Carbon must be tetrahedral.
59706 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Anon
I once had an ox for a friend.
The name that I called him was Gen.
Now this ain't absurd,
You've certainly heard
Of a chemical called Oxy-Gen
59707 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Al Willis
A mosquito was heard to complain,
That a chemist had poisoned his brain.
The cause of his sorrow
Was para-dichloro-
diphenyl-trichloroethane.
59708 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY D. K. Bradley
There once was a Chemist named Pauling,
Whose predictions were downright enthralling.
"I'm really quite fond
Of the chemical bond
That I get with this sticking and balling."
59709 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Devlin Gualtieri
A chemist had mind to resolve
The reason our incomes dissolve.
She mixed some suspensions
Of bureaucrats' pensions,
The answer was quick to evolve.
59710 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Nick D Kim
"It's here, right under your nose!
Just arrange the whole thing in rows.
Put hydrogen here,"
Dimitri would cheer,
"And tungsten down there by your toes."
59711 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Devlin Gualtieri
He hated her hue, that is true.
She seemed much too dark, in his view.
He once badly dyed her
And could not abide her,
So he slapped on some H2O2.
59712 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Al Willis
Phenolphthalein is useful, I think;,
For endpoints it serves as a link
At the point in titration
When we need visualization,
It suddenly turns a hot pink.
59713 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Anon
Of love, there is little to speak,
That some hormone's not able to tweak;
To cast a chemical spell
With some scent you can't smell,
So you'll find those you don't really seek.
59714 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Madcat
In pollution the world seems to wallow.
Dick gives us a guide we can follow.
What risk, do you think,
In water we drink?
For some, it is too much to swallow.
(For Richard Wilson's Forum award 1990)
59715 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Barbara Levi
For plastics, Staudinger rewrote the rules;
For nylon, Dupont used his tools.
Some brittle, some elastic,
Some turn into plastic;
Better living through macromolecules.
59716 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY George Bennett
There was a young turk named Stan
Who embarked on a devious plan.
"If I simply rename it,
I'm sure I can claim it,"
Said Stan as he pondered his scam.
(Stanley Prusiner arguing over discovery of 'Prions')
59717 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Discover Mag 12/86 P8612
"Eureka!" Cried Stan, "I have found it.
Well...maybe not actually found it.
But I talked to the press
Of the slow virus mess,
And invented a name to confound it!"
59718 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Discover Mag 12/86 P8612
I'll rephrase an old slogan I hate;
What the hell, it don't carry no weight.
They say, with resolution,
You're part of the solution
Or part of the precipitate.
59719 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Allen Wolverton
You said it, so I've got to mention
That which makes even more tension.
When out on a date,
The ones that I hate
Keep the answer in perfect suspension.
59720 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Dennis Hammes
Radium, lacking a brain,
And Iodine, in the "slow" lane,
Met Nitrogen, who
Had sense enough to
Come INdoors from out of the RaIN.
59721 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Jim Weaver Collection
There once was a man named Rauolt
Whose depression no doctor could fault.
No lithium ion
Could Rauolt rely on
'Cause his law worked regardless of salt.
59722 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY
There once was a man named Rauolt
Who combined some water and salt.
Mole fraction and pressure
He decided to measure
And depression was his sad result.
59723 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY
Said the Minister, "Prices are high,
And to bring them down, I'll have to try.
Mmmmm, chemicals first --
My God, they're the worst --
ILLCICI2CY."
(I'll see ICI {International Chem Index?} to see why."
59724 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Bob Turvey
A chemistry student named Boma
Produced such a potent aroma
That half of the class
Dropped dead, but alas,
The culprit received a diploma.
59725 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Out On A Limerick P8907
A metallurgist who taaught from a podium
Expounded the virtues of Rhodium.
Come day of the test,
Those who did best
Were those whose answers were quoting him.
59726 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Kim Goldworthy P8311
Regal Charles had ideas elite,
Yet he'd say to each lady he'd meet,
"My volume gets higher
When you warm my desire.
Let's join our gasses in heat."
59727 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY
A SCUBA diver whose name was McGraw,
Disobeyed a basic gas law.
While deep under his hull,
Bubbles formed in his skull,
And he now regards lawyers with awe.
59728 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY
A physicist, Percival Pry,
Had hopes that a medal was nigh,
But a "No" from Nobel
Made him mutter, "Oh well,"
And issue a faint Sigma Sigh. (Xi - chem fraternity)
59729 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Norm Storer P9912
In making advances in science,
We stand on the shoulders of giants.
Which might explain why
Some say Sigma XI
Is largely a midgets' alliance!
59730 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Norm Storer P0012
Science was a breath of fresh air
Within my whole High School career.
The only school class
Where you could smell gas,
That wasn't from your classmate's rear.
59731 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY
Said Lavoissier, face all aglow,
"We now know what makes a fire go;
Phlogiston is dead,
And so in its stead,
We must write the true 'Story of O'."
59732 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Norman Storer P0211
Our teacher last lecture did tell
The maximum temperature of Hell.
But add sinners to sulfur,
The boiling point alters.
Hell would be hotter to dwell.
(a lake of liquid sulfur establishes the max temp)
59733 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY
The results were rather surprising
From the students recrystallizing.
Their test tubes were sealed
At ten percent yield,
That's the last time we'll try synthesizing.
59734 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Jim Weaver Collection
There was a young chemist in Ealing,
Who with trinitrolphenol was dealing,
But he added red lead,
And the truth must be said,
They found him a splash on the ceiling.
59735 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Anon
A rogue phosphofructokinase
Was arrested for mimicking phosphorylase.
"Your job is hydrolysis --
And regulating glycolysis!"
Screamed an irate lactate dehydrogenase.
59736 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Jim Weaver Collection
A feminist chemist named Liz
In the lab was considered a whiz;
She rejected the claim
That a man, not a dame,
Could understand just why things fizz.
59737 SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY Norm Storer P0012
Two Economists can't think quite the same;
To uniqueness they each stake a claim.
Different Theories abound,
Each proposed as profound.
Too bad that they're all a bit lame.
59738 SCIENCE - ECONOMICS Robley E George
Folks came many miles just to see
Two Economists agree to agree.
When the event did take place,
It proved a disgrace.
They agreed one plus one adds to three.
59739 SCIENCE - ECONOMICS Robley E George
There is really no big paradox,
Said the man who was buying some locks.
I'll secure all the doors
On both of my floors,
Since my home's split level cardboard box.
59740 SCIENCE - ECONOMICS Robley E George
Adam Smith's invisible illusion
Has grown to the present delusion.
Cooperation is attained
When Competition's sustained.
Hence, the planet's great confusion.
59741 SCIENCE - ECONOMICS Robley E George
There once was an old beggar man,
Who dined from a ripe garbage can.
But they chased him away
From his regal cafe;
He embarrassed the Economist's plan.
59742 SCIENCE - ECONOMICS Robley E George
Economists in a strange wonderland,.
Talking of an Invisible Hand.
While no one can see it,
They seem to agree it
Somehow makes just Everything grand.
59743 SCIENCE - ECONOMICS Robley E George
To facts economists seem heedless.
The tragedy is it's so needless.
The technology's there,
With ample to spare,
Yet millions of people go feedless.
59744 SCIENCE - ECONOMICS Robley E George
Just think of the millions unemployed,
Whose lives are so seldom enjoyed.
Economists say: "So what?
They deserve what they got.
And besides, inflation is destroyed."
59745 SCIENCE - ECONOMICS Robley E George
There once was an Economist who thought,
Which outraged his peers, so they sought
To label him extreme,
(Which to them it did seem.)
And have all this thought go for nought.
59746 SCIENCE - ECONOMICS Robley E George
Economists on the Left and the Right;
Either way it's a terrible sight.
Using arguments old,
And confused when retold,
They're as much cause as cure, in the fight.
59747 SCIENCE - ECONOMICS Robley E George
Though ONEROUS as shopping may be,
The season for you and for me,
From wrath we'll abstain,
Through snow, sleet, and rain.
It's good for the year's GNP. (gross national product)
59748 SCIENCE - ECONOMICS Elois
The Economist with head up his ass,
As he lectured in front of the class:
My theories are great;
They seal Mankind's fate.
Others said that he simply passed gas.
59749 SCIENCE - ECONOMICS Robley E George
The problem is shaping societies
In ways with proper propieties.
Should it be Capitalism
Or another Barbarism,
Like Socialism's 57 varieties.
59750 SCIENCE - ECONOMICS Robley E George
Just what did humanity do
To deserve an Economist or two?
We'd be better sans any;
Instead we got many.
No wonder the economy's askew.
59751 SCIENCE - ECONOMICS Robley E George
Said a man who's not dressed all that neat,
With shoes covering part of his feet:
"The Safety Net's a joke,
For all who are broke.
Now me, I just sleep in the street."
59752 SCIENCE - ECONOMICS Robley E George
Our spending is down, that is why
They'll ufge us to go out and buy;
Consumption is IN!
Not buying's a sin!
We can turn things around if we try!
59753 SCIENCE - ECONOMICS John Miller
Buy a blivet you don't really need;
That money will serve as the seed
For the rest of this session
Of evil recession.
(Exhortaions you surely must heed!"
59754 SCIENCE - ECONOMICS John Miller
The money, economists say,
Will replay and replay and replay;
Let the shopkeeper earn,
Then he will, in turn,
Spend that money the very next day.
59755 SCIENCE - ECONOMICS John Miller
And then, (the great gurus explain),
The money will move throught the chain,
Getting lazy young slobs
All working at jobs,
Who in turn will spend money again.
59756 SCIENCE - ECONOMICS John Miller
But think, at the same blivet store,
If you smash in the window or door,
The same flow of cash
Will result from the bash
As the sale, and an awful lot more!
59757 SCIENCE - ECONOMICS John Miller
There's the cops who must check out the crime;
No doubt they'll be paid overtime!
And the hungry street sweepers,
Adjusters with beepers,
And lawyers and other such slime.
59758 SCIENCE - ECONOMICS John Miller
I will do my part with great pride!
In a moment I'm going outside
With a brick in my hand,
To (You understand)
Fight back a stock market slide.
59759 SCIENCE - ECONOMICS John Miller
Price increase with no growth: STAGFLATION,
Leads to national indignation.
If leaders so choose,
Economic blues
Result in indigo-nation.
59760 SCIENCE - ECONOMICS Daniel Ford
With no-growth economy rife,
But bills going up, says the wife,
"I know that our nation
Is into STAGFLATION,
And sure to bring worry and strife."
59761 SCIENCE - ECONOMICS Chris Papa
Said one gene to another, "Oh Hell!
My life isn't doing so well.
My doctor says travel
Would help me unravel,
But I'm sentenced to life in this cell.
59762 SCIENCE - GENETICS Steve Hardison
His friend said, "I know what to do.
Tell me if this sounds good to you.
What I propose is
We start a mitosis,
And split this damn cell right in two!
59763 SCIENCE - GENETICS Steve Hardison
Anthropologist Wellington Jones
Fell in love with some fossilized bones.
He believes in free love
And my heavens above,
You should see the collection he owns!
59764 SCIENCE - GENETICS Neal Wilgus P8304
I went to the animal fair,
My race's ancestors were there.
An ape scratched his chin
With an air of chagrin,
After grinning a while at his heir.
59765 SCIENCE - GENETICS Laurence Perrine P8408
Yasir Arafat said with a scowl,
"Something's wrong, I'm calling a foul.
I'm telling you,
It can't be true,
If it is, I'll throw in my towel.
59766 SCIENCE - GENETICS
There was a young lady named Annie
Who had polkadots on her fanny.
If you got in her genes,
You'd find what it means --
She inherited spots from her Granny.
59767 SCIENCE - GENETICS Neal Wilgus P8208
So here it is - one, nine, eight, four;
The biggie in Orwellian folklore.
We worried and fussed,
But so far it's a bust;
'Bout the same as all years heretofore.
59768 SCIENCE - GENETICS June Sullivan P8411
There just isn't anything new:
In April our taxes came due,
The hopeful politicians
Still vie for positions,
And the swallows arrived right on cue.
59769 SCIENCE - GENETICS June Sullivan P8411
In one area I'd hoped for a change.
It's human anatomy that I'd rearrange.
By snipping DNA
The geneticists may
Make us more utile, but I hope not too strange.
59770 SCIENCE - GENETICS June Sullivan P8411
Just look at our human design!
Is our architecture really so fine?
I think a third arm
Wouldn't do any harm,
And I'd get good use out of mine.
59771 SCIENCE - GENETICS June Sullivan P8411
Here's another anatomical innovation.
Let's give sex a more central location.
A strong tail would be neat
To form a three-cornered seat
With the legs. At S.R.O, a sensation.
59772 SCIENCE - GENETICS June Sullivan P8411
Next, I think I would like to dispose
Of all hair and the nails on the toes.
And I'd build a pocket
Below each arm socket,
And put a hook where we now have a nose.
59773 SCIENCE - GENETICS June Sullivan P8411
I'd move the nose down to the chest;
Near the pocket with Kleenex is best.
A Swiss army knife would become
An improved left thumb,
And a built-in strobe light -- center breast.
59774 SCIENCE - GENETICS June Sullivan P8411
Now think of the tailor's delight.
He'd be sewing all day and all night
To create a nose slit,
Make a third sleeve to fit,
A tail hole and a flap over the light.
59775 SCIENCE - GENETICS June Sullivan P8411
I guess these improvements must wait.
We may have them by two two ought eight.
But alas, this poor bod
Will be under the sod.
By then I'll be known as "the late....
59776 SCIENCE - GENETICS June Sullivan P8411
It happens, it seems, in mitosis.
The lions become less ferocious.
Chromosomes go berserk
And through a strange quirk,
The lions are merely precocious.
59777 SCIENCE - GENETICS Al Willis TP9804
A nine-thousand-year-old homesteader,
Was dead. He couldn't be deader.
Yet they're able to say
From his bone's DNA,
That his genes are still rampant in Cheddar!
59778 SCIENCE - GENETICS Prof M-G
A scientist who was named Dodds
Tore "The Racing Form" into small wads
As a feed for his rooster,
A genetic sperm booster,
And now all his chickens lay odds.
59779 SCIENCE - GENETICS Don Moore P9403
At a lab a technician named Sloan
Pricked his finger while dialing the phone,
A mistake he'd regret,
When years later he met
His own illegitimate clone.
59780 SCIENCE - GENETICS Cyber Geezer
Celibacy's not in the genes;
If it were, 'twould be totally keen.
Conception by proxy;
It sounds kind of foxy;
Could be the start of a "new scene".
59781 SCIENCE - GENETICS Cheryl
The whole scientific world's buzzin';
There are articles writ by the dozen.
The geneticists say
It's really O.K.
If a guy wants to marry his cousin.
59782 SCIENCE - GENETICS
Two bright boffins named Watson and Crick
Puzzled out what makes DNA tick;
It's just like spiral stairs
With the bases in pairs.
How on Earth did God think of that trick.
59783 SCIENCE - GENETICS P Chernoff
Molecular mysteries pose
A wonderful challenge to those
Who would like to grow beans,
Producing proteins
That can cure anyone's runny nose.
59784 SCIENCE - GENETICS Norm Storer P9912
Disappointed Naive Attache's,
Deposition: Negation Astray,
Didn't Neck Anywhere?,
Dress Narrating Affair!
Four new ways to decode DNA.
59785 SCIENCE - GENETICS
The Pentatette you are now reading,
In literature, is exceeding
The bounds of poor taste,
For the authors are traced
To a line of degenerate breeding.
59786 SCIENCE - GENETICS Cap'n Bean P9809
"Diarrhea," explained Dr. Keens,
"Is inherited sometimes -- which means
That researchers now know
And they have proof to show
That it frequently runs in your genes."
59787 SCIENCE - GENETICS A. N. Wilkins P8403
The Jefferson-Hemming affair
Is a warning to all those who err.
Your kids' DNA
Will forever betray
Their ancestry. Sinners beware!
59788 SCIENCE - GENETICS Mervyn Cripps
DNA makes you you and me me,
Nearly twins with the fine chimpanzee --
A terrible blow
To the chimps that I know;
From this stigma, they'll never be free.
59789 SCIENCE - GENETICS John Miller
Deoxyribonucleic
Acid is quite algebraic;
Thymine, adenine,
Guanine, cytosine;
Bond together in one big mosaic.
59790 SCIENCE - GENETICS Stephanie Martin
These nucleotidic routines
Are life's reproduction machines,
And are programmed, like guys,
When their helices rise,
To find ways to get into girls' genes.
59791 SCIENCE - GENETICS Hugh Clary
A biology prof named Caster
Whose project she wanted to last her,
Took an idea complex,
Aimed at changing the sex
Of Drosophila Melanogaster.
59792 SCIENCE - GENETICS Don Homuth
On researching my family tree,
I think Petal's related to me.
She's my grand daddy's mis-
Tress's daughter's son's sis-
Ter, Oh how can this possibly be...
59793 SCIENCE - GENETICS Peter Wilkins
...For my grand daddy swears that this daughter
Ain't his. (Though I don't know a quarter
Of what he did when
Or with whom in his den;
But with what, I can guess; he'd not oughta.)
59794 SCIENCE - GENETICS Peter Wilkins
Now grand daddy's mistress's sister
Loved grand daddy's cousin who kissed her.
This cousin's young brother's
Aunt's grand daughters's mother's
Young sister had offspring, a mister.
59795 SCIENCE - GENETICS Peter Wilkins
Then grand daddy's mistress's daughter
Was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
By grand daddy's mother's
Young sister's son's brothers's
Son down to the den where he taught her...
59796 SCIENCE - GENETICS Peter Wilkins
...The very same tricks that her mother
Got up to with great uncle's brother.
Their son had a sister;
It looks like I've kisssed her
And more! Yes, she's Petal, none other.
59797 SCIENCE - GENETICS Peter Wilkins
Jews and Arabs, genetic lore,
DNA tests matching some more;
Brother to brother,
Same as each other,
Now they can fight a civil war.
59798 SCIENCE - GENETICS
If a man tracing lineage believes
That no royal blood flows, then he grieves.
But I do not despair
For I'm fully aware
That my forebearers were untitled thieves.
59799 SCIENCE - GENETICS Albin Chaplin
Of the garden decor which I own,
My choice pieces I do sometimes loan.
And then most recently
I showed for all to see,
The quite newly discovered G. Gnome.
59800 SCIENCE - GENETICS Loren Fitzhugh P0800
The biologist, Hermann Van Katsch,
A novel idea did hatch.
He would transplant the gene
Which cause scratching obscene,
To a place much more decent to scratch.
59801 SCIENCE - GENETICS Albin Chaplin 3024-2142
A nine-thousand-year-old homesteader
Was so dead, he couldn't be deader.
Yet they're able to say
From his bones' DNA
That his genes are still rampant in Cheddar.
59802 SCIENCE - GENETICS Mesterton-Gibbons MG9703
The genetic scientists now say
Jews and Arabs match DNA.
Both are burning the wire
To see if thy can hire
The lawyers who defended O.J.
59803 SCIENCE - GENETICS
All this uproar about cloning's perceived
As reaction to tenets believed.
Only nature should do
Procreation by two.
Variation is just ill-conceived.
59804 SCIENCE - GENETICS Limerick Man T9801
Her mom was an Alberta Cree.
Her dad was a heathen Chinee.
For her genes she got
The worst of the lot.
That's why they call her Ugh Lee.
59805 SCIENCE - GENETICS Larry Davis P9212
Will jellyfish genes in a monkey
Called George, make the monkey act funky?
Look-see through in water;
Have stings he'd no ought ter,
And wobble on land like a drunky.
59806 SCIENCE - GENETICS Prof M-G
"We're Adam and Eve's family,"
This Phi Beta Kappa told me.
"So if we're to lie
With thigh against thigh,
It's miscegenetically."
59807 SCIENCE - GENETICS Irving Superior
A scientist living in Bude,
Genetically modified food.
He altered the genes
Of carrots and beans,
For reasons I cannot conclude.
59808 SCIENCE - GENETICS Richard Long
An acid rain falls on the leaves,
And Mother Earth quietly grieves.
These blasted pollutants
Will make us all mutants;
Our kids will wear coats with three sleeves.
59809 SCIENCE - GENETICS David Morin
A hot-blooded Latin, Jerome,
Was frigging a girlie in Rome.
"Festina lente,"
Was all she could say,
"You're rousing my sex chromosome."
59810 SCIENCE - GENETICS Julia Strawn P8809
My ancestors followed green trails
With gracefully prehensile tails.
I feel for my own
And find it is gone.
A lack! Clear proof nature fails.
59811 SCIENCE - GENETICS Laurence Perrine P8408
Genealogy does me amaze
As my ancestry I've tried to raise.
The enumeration
By decades in this nation,
Spells my name in disparate ways.
59812 SCIENCE - GENETICS Loren C. Fitzhugh
In a treetop a tailed furry creature
Met another and swung to beseech her:
"Return my affection
And Natural Selection
Will fetch in the future our feature."
59813 SCIENCE - GENETICS Laurence Perrine P8408
My genetically engineered brother
Was created by some means or other.
He has, between us,
No umbilicus,
So he therefore rejects our dear mother.
59814 SCIENCE - GENETICS Loren C. Fitzhugh P9404
I once met this three-breasted whore,
A mutant of nuclear war.
She'd two pussies, I swear,
Though neither had hair,
And a tongue that hung down to the floor.
59815 SCIENCE - GENETICS Jeeves T9801
If you check all of your DNA,
Back to the first, you will say:
We're decendants of WHO?
A black woman? It's true!
(And the man with whom she did lay.
59816 SCIENCE - GENETICS Jalayne
There was a young lady named Rose,
Who lauded her daddy in prose.
In her 'Ode to Dear Dad',
Her genealogy was bad--
'Cause only her mother knows.
59817 SCIENCE - GENETICS
The DNA that men enjoy
Prevents them from being too coy.
Just scratch 'neath their skin,
And you'll find that you're in
The realm of perpetual boy.
59818 SCIENCE - GENETICS Chris Papa
His gene pool sadly is missing;
It simply is bubbling and hissing.
No A, T, C, G --
Even up to his knee,
Because his pool is where we've been pissing.
59819 SCIENCE - GENETICS Anon
If man is true POLYPHYLETIC,
And mixed up in matters genetic,
Then family pride
Should quick be denied,
Since Dads were so peripatetic.
59820 SCIENCE - GENETICS Chris Papa
His idea is simply pathetic
That only is beauty magnetic...
A beautiful moron
Softens the hard-on,
A boon for the pool that's genetic.
59821 SCIENCE - GENETICS
A study fo high complication
Is DNA mechanization.
It seem, my dear sir,
Its reison d'etre
Is simply its self-replication.
59822 SCIENCE - GENETICS Kim Goldsworthy P8504
Genetic scientists in a lab near Renfrew,
Have proved sex must be hereditary too.
Says spokesperson McTavitt,
"If yer Ma didn't have it,
Chances are neither will you!"
59823 SCIENCE - GENETICS H Myers
Current gene-theory's in strife,
Since, although carbon-creatures are rife,
A Baywatch stampede,
Show the presence, indeed,
Of small units of silicone-life.
59824 SCIENCE - GENETICS Nick D Kim
A lean young peripatetic
Thinks slimness may be genetic.
Both father and son
Find sleepwalking fun,
Despite a pace that's frenetic.
59825 SCIENCE - GENETICS Macsam
Though girls be more socially aesthetic;
Though oafish teen boys be pathetic;
Though Doc Skuse, to applause,
Claims a chromosome cause...
I cannot believe it's genetic.
(Skuse claimed social gene on X chromosome - 1997)
59826 SCIENCE - GENETICS M. Mestert
"Moral judgments," said Reverend Carey,
"About surrogate motherhood vary.
Some think it's a bane,
And yet others maintain
The first surrogate mother was Mary."
59827 SCIENCE - GENETICS A. N. Wilkins P8706
A genetic engineer named Pickens
Gave his lab assistant the Dickens.
Seems he saturated a turd
With DNA from some bird;
Got some shit that tasted like chicken.
59828 SCIENCE - GENETICS John C. Hulse
I claim my descent from a monkey,
Though a chorus of jeers all in one key,
Makes it most evident
One may trace their descent
From a dim-witted hee-hawing donkey!
59829 SCIENCE - GENETICS Laurence Perrine P8408
I think quite a lot on the sexes,
On the y-chromosomes and the x's,
On the cells, and their size,
On the breasts! On the thighs!
And especially that centermost nexus!
59830 SCIENCE - GENETICS Lance Payne P8601
If the chromosome make-up eggs
Could be either a Y or an X,
There'd be half as much muff
For us geezers to stuff,
And a third indeterminate sex.
59831 SCIENCE - GENETICS
Our scientists are working each day
On chromosones and dna.
In the end there would be
A "X", "Y" AND "Z,"
And we'd get surprises with play.
59832 SCIENCE - GENETICS
Yitzhak Rabin responded with glee,
"Blood tests prove Arabs same as me.
The consequence
Is all are mensch;
The whole world is Jewish, don't you see?"
59833 SCIENCE - GENETICS Tom Patton
If it is the gender in question,
Then this small fact I will mention:
X-Y is my pair;
With my wife I share;
Let there be no misintention.
59834 SCIENCE - GENETICS
Well, you will have much trouble here,
Even without all the beer.
They got sex on the brain
Again and again.
Please don't bring the wife around here!
59835 SCIENCE - GENETICS
I'm cloning male parts in my cellar,
So I can build me a new feller.
Some bits are real old,
Two other have mold,
But one looks just like my bank teller!
59836 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES
Please tell me which gender I am;
Might I be a woman or man?
A sister or brother?
A father or mother?
I'm a clone of both Sarah and Sam.
59837 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Countrygirl
"A twin!", he said he hadn't known one.
And his look-alike, he didn't own one.
"But I will, with a sliver
Of my thumb and liver,
'Cause you know that it takes one to clone one."
59838 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Wendy Lee
Maybe they will clone Al Gore,
We could always use just one more.
I'm sure he'd be handy
Whenever Bill's randy,
By helping to guard the door.
59839 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES MrMalo
It all started with the ewe, Dolly;
What followed was just a great folly.
Those doctors do think
They can make a big stink
By cloning our buxom Miss Molly.
59840 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Chris Tustin
Perhaps they'd be cloning Madonna,
Though I can't think of why they would wanna.
'Twould be eco-disaster
Cause she'd be twice as faster,
Molesting the indigent fauna.
59841 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES MrMalo
A molecular genius named Kroner
Sighs, "Freudians say I'm a loner
Because of my Dad--
Well, Ma can't be had,
I'm thinking perhaps I can clone her."
59842 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Norm Storer P9403
You can cut me apart with a knife;
Use a hatchet to split me from life;
You can bury my ass
Six feet in the grass,
But please don't try cloning my wife.
59843 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES MrMalo
I think that they should clone the Prez,
And even his wife the lez.
Then with sister and brother,
They can all lick each other,
And who cares just what anyone says.
59844 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES MrMalo
I tell you my mind is just blown;
A human they're wanting to clone.
Imagine the fuss,
If it's one of us;
Small brain and a big pecker bone.
59845 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Annie Jay
There was a young doc named McCoy
Who cloned himself more to enjoy
The girls aboard ship,
But he made a bad slip;
They all wanted the real McCoy.
59846 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES
I don't know if anyone cares,
If I'm duplicated in pairs.
I'd be glad to see
Twenty seven of me;
That way I will always have spares.
59847 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES MrMalo
Some folks have a misapprehension,
That's badly increasing the tension.
See, cloning takes years,
Which should allay fears
Of your clone collecting your pension.
59848 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Somedude
Problems may come, but be small.
Southerners may be appalled,
When addressing one's clones,
Some grammar one hones --
Is the pronoun They, You, or Y'all?
59849 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Superdude
There's questions of overpopulation,
Causing some great consternation.
But we'd clone so few,
Not much more than two,
That it's really naught but a sensation.
59850 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Superdude
Some worry about "Master Races",
Fearing clones will be given low places.
No problem, say I,
Clone some well-muscled guy.
He'll be treated with all social graces.
59851 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Superdude
An NBA chock full of Jordans?
"No chance!" say the moralist wardens.
It won't happen, of course,
Who would get to endorse
The Nikes, the Right Guards, and Bordens?
59852 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Superdude
That's sick! That's immoral! I know!
It's is why we should surely go slow.
But Congressional bans
Would put this in the hands
Of countries that didn't say "No."
59853 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Superdude
Therefore, as the pressure has bounded,
It's time to no longer be hounded.
But when you stand up and speak --
Though you're surely unique,
Should your clones too, stand up and be counted?
59854 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Superdude
Holy Cow! They've done it once more!
Now it's cattle they're cloning by score.
If they try it with me,
I'll beg them fervently,
To please stay away from my spore!
59855 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Larry M
There's only one problem, I'm afraid,
About the way clones are made.
With all the trouble
Of raising my double,
At least I ought to get laid.
59856 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES MrMalo
If I could clone myself, I would do it,
Then if people got mad, they could sue IT.
I could go out and play --
When things got in my way,
I could say to my clone, "You see to it!"
59857 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Lynn
Down to the beach I would go;
The money my clone earned, I'd blow.
My pager she'd wear;
I'd not have a care!
Just think of the wild oats I'd sow.
59858 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Lynn
Though I'm tempted to trade in my body,
The dilemma presented is knotty:
Mine's not quite good enough,
But life sure would be tough
If I wound up with something more shoddy!
59859 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Gerry Busch
I can't understand all the moaning,
About all this business of cloning.
You don't have to undress,
And you don't have the mess
Like you do with the usual boning.
59860 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES MrMalo
"We must stop," said Clinton on cloning,
"Ethics and morals are foaming!
We've got to decide
If we can abide
With the questions now rampantly roaming."
59861 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Carl A Benz
Clinton put a ban on people cloning;
It drives lots of people to phoning.
Is it ever fair
They say in despair,
To ignore all the people moaning?
59862 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Carl A Benz
If they stop cloning reasearch today,
Researchers will just find a way:
Private funds. They'd declare
We must clone the gray mare,
And keep federal inspectors at bay.
59863 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Carl A Benz
There once was a prof who impressed,
Perfect cloning two sheep in a test.
When one stole bags of hay,
Leaving much DNA,
The cops didn't know who to arrest.
59864 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Mesterton-Gibbons MG9702
Have scientists gone mad and too far,
Cloning sheep and now us in a jar.
I'll tell you mister,
I don't want a sister
Who has wool on her back and goes Baaa!
59865 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES H Myers T9801
There once was a fellow named Harms,
Who was smitten with his own charms.
He said, "I've postponed
My death 'til I'm cloned,
So I can die in my own arms!"
59866 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Observer
A scientist, brilliant but poor,
Said "I'll clone myself once, but no more."
But each clone he did clone,
Cloned a clone of its own --
Now he can't even get to the door.
59867 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Joe Thompson
Said MarySue White cheerfully,
"There's a kink in my family tree.
Like Dolly the sheep,
I was cloned in my sleep,
And my mother and father are me."
59868 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Lynn Mostafa
True believers protest not, bemoan
The fact the man above on the throne
Started this image thing
By deciding to bring
Forth His son as the very first clone.
59869 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Loren C Fitzhugh P0110
You boffins have just cloned a cat;
Now what do you think about that?
I am not woosey,
But I like my pussy
To be warm, and furry, and fat.
59870 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Tony Burrell
Now, why do we choose what we do?
We cloned a cat, you a ewe.
To say "pussy" of cat
Is mere vulgar chat;
But to some, sheep's a substitute screw.
59871 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Dr Limerick
Though not in a funhouse, I found
Some 59 like me around
The laboratory
And the Doctor, said he,
"Oh, I was just cloning around."
59872 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES
Regarded with darkened perception,
Cloning's been thought of since its inception,
By many as evil,
The source of upheaval
And as immaculate misconception.
59873 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Loren C Fitzhugh P0110
For those folks who feel quite alone,
They might make their own friendly clone,
Except others say
"Though it's your DNA,
It's not an act we could CONDONE."
59874 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Chris Papa
"Shall we stop?" said Bill Clinton on cloning.
"Ethics, morals are out in the gloaming.
We've got to decide
If we can abide
With the questions now rampantly roaming."
59875 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES Anon
Her brown eyes do not match her green.
Her legs? Two are large, one is lean.
Her fur is a shade
Of bright bluish-jade --
They call her Recombinant Jean.
59876 SCIENCE - GENETICS - CLONES
Oh Wow! You're amazing! Yippee!
The earth shook and trembled for me!
Our explosions abroad
Simultaneously scored
About 12 on the Richter scale, E!
59877 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Jim Weaver Collection
Deep in the African Congo,
Volcano Nyiragongo
Is blowing its top;
It's not going to stop
Till all of Goma is gone-o!
59878 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Tony Burrell
It blows every thirty-odd years,
Resulting in many shed tears.
So why'd they come back
To build one more shack?
The answer eludes me, I fear.
59879 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Tiddy Ogg
Though lava will often form domes,
It cools to something like loam.
It's fertility, you see,
(Just like Hawaii)
As well as, "There's no place like home."
59880 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Dot B
For all of us who had been forming
Denials about global warming,
We ought to think twice;
A Rhode Island of ice
Is collapsing. It might be a warning.
59881 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Dr Limerick 03-19-02
In Appalachia, love is like coal,
When the union of two is the goal.
At first it's bituminous,
And then it seems luminous,
And then anthracite fills up the hole.
59882 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Tom Patton P0105
It isn't without trepidation
That I go to New York on vacation,
Where the buildings, they say,
Are so tall they sway!
Do these stories have any foundation?
59883 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Laurence Perrine P9410
The ground opened up a great fissure,
Expanding itself at it's lissure.
I tumbled and roled
As I fell through the hole,
While trying to measure it's missure.
59884 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Jim Weaver Collection
A seismologist fellow in Crete
Encrusted his wife in concrete;
He said as he tricked her,
"This is good to 9 Richter--
Since I've bolted the floor to your feet."
59885 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Arthur Deex P9605
`ow Afganistan's recent earth quake
In a cross-border bomb-trial's wake,
Makes one ask if land slide
And blasts just coincide --
Or if cause and effect are at stake.
59886 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Prof M-G TP9806
The rising seas of EUSTACY
Will bring to surfers ecstacy,
For beaches they'll like
On a Sierra hike,
'Mid Redwood slalom fantasy.
59887 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Daniel Ford
What causes the mountains to lift?
What causes a fissure to rift?
What makes the ground shake
During an earthquake?
The answer is continental drift!
59888 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Chris Matthews
There was a geologist Jack
Who placed his dear wife on her back.
Then he lifted her gown
With a manifest frown,
And he studied the growth of her crack.
59889 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Albin Chaplin 3024-0484
A geologist searching the West
Met a whore whom he tackled with zest.
Every year with his staff
He showed plots on his graph,
To observe how her crack had progressed.
59890 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Albin Chaplin 3024-1695
An Irish pawnbroker named Brock
Collapsed and was treated for shock
When the diamond he took
In good faith from a crook
Was discovered to be a sham rock.
(in Ellery Queen magazine)
59891 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY William F. Smith P9108
In Italy's mountains, one night,
I met a young girl said she might.
"A lira," she said,
"Won't get me into bed,
But then perhaps a Dolomite."
59892 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY
In an earthquake, the best thing to do
Is to set about having a screw.
When you're done, you can say
In your nonchalant way,
May I ask, did the earth move for you?
59893 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Anon
The Earth flat? Nay! I disagree!
An oblate spheroid it must be.
For if it were flat,
One couldn't say that;
We stick here from sheer gravity.
59894 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Friar TP9804
The earth must be flat, seems to me,
'Cause otherwise how could the sea
Which contains only water
Stay put, when it oughter,
Flow south, which is downwards. Agree?
59895 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Peter Wilkins TP9804
My son called said, "Mom, it was neat!
The earth shook right under my feet.
The building did sway;
Got sent home with pay!"
I think his brain's turned to concrete.
59896 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY
Bad things seem to hit us in three's;
We've had this crash and the midwestern freeze.
So what comes tomorrow
To add to our sorrow?
An earthquake's my bet, if you please...
59897 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY John Miller 0132a
There once was a woman named Sue,
Who gave blowjobs until she was blue.
When an earthquake hit,
She bit into it;
Now her lover is now a girl too!
59898 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Ming-mei Wu
By now, perhaps, you've heard the prattle
About the big quake in Seattle;
Folks say that the shaking
Was caused by me making
A fool of myself with my cattle.
59899 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Travis Brasell
At work at my desk where I sit;
My location when the tremblor hit.
The noise was like thunder,
My desk I dove under
And tried very hard not to shit!
(Seattle earthquake, Feb 2001)
59900 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Scott Amsden
A seismologist describing a quake,
Said, "Everything started to shake."
His words unterrific
Were not scientific,
But those were the words that he spake.
59901 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Al Willis
A pretty seismologist, Gail,
Once quaked, when a well-endowed male
Penetrated her chasm,
Inducing orgasm
That registered 8 (Richter Scale).
59902 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Ed Potts P8503
To her horrified teacher our Joan
Brought a blush and an audible groan,
When she said to Miss Worth,
"To the zones of the earth,
They should add the Erogenous Zone!"
59903 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Grand Prix Lim 252
Results of Earth-warming will be
The oceans rise with EUSTASY.
Our houses it'll reach
Instead of the beach,
No longer sight we use to see.
59904 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Chris Papa
Said a rock fan at school, while depressed:
"Rock formations are what I know best,
And the Stones are my band.
So I don't understand
How I failed this geology test!"
59905 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Prof M-G
At the whorehouse, geologist Max
The patience of harlots did tax.
Every crotch he laid bare
And examined with care,
Then rejected for faults in their cracks.
59906 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Albin Chaplin 3024-1599
The simpleton rockhound was told
Of the wonderful mine he had sold.
Simple said, "Wanted stones,
Or some fossilized bones.
But the mine had nothing but gold."
59907 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Cindy Lind
This takes some crust, and I should halt,
And not expose another fault.
Since I've a tin ear,
And very much fear,
Geology's not my gestalt.
59908 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Chris Papa
The statues of Robert de Missens
I saw in a few exhibitions.
I noticed the label:
Two people unable
To flee from volcanic emissions.
59909 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Peter Wilkins
Mid lightning and thunder a-crashin',
Mount Etna erupted with ash 'n'
They did not hear it comin'
Because they were plumbin',
Consumed in a moment of passion.
59910 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Peter Wilkins
Not me, I've been hunting for rocks,
And stones and boulders and big blocks,
For almost a week,
Now some fun I seek,
So I'm going a-hunting for cocks.
59911 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY
The contentious Geologist, Schmaltz,
Knew his igneous rocks and basalts.
He then took a degree
In Seismology,
Succeeding in spite of his faults.
59912 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Loren C. Fitzhugh P9712
It may come somewhat as a blow,
But when in geology's show,
A tyro am I,
Abashedly shy,
And can't tell my KARST from elbow.
59913 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Chris Papa
In agony, hiked from Samoa
To mid-Indonesia to show a
Good doctor my feet.
When I did, he said, "Pete,
Why, it's only a small Krakatoa."
59914 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Peter Wilkins
St Helens turned trees into sliver.
Regardless, we have to forgive her.
For it was Mother Nature
Not the State Legislature,
That forced them to clean up the river.
59915 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Gifford Wherry
A valley, in case you have doubt,
Like a mounbtain has rocks strewn about.
Though it's built of same stuff,
There is difference enough --
It's a mountain that's turned inside out.
59916 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Albin Chaplin 3024-2551
To add to my long list of fears,
Niagara Falls, it appears,
Is slowly receding;
A caution I'm heeding;
They'll be gone in just twelve thousand years.
59917 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Travis Brasell
There once was a little round rock
Who secretly wished for a cock
And this hidden vice
Shows she was not gneiss.
She settled for some granite block.
59918 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY
The world's land masses in PANGAEA
Is attractive as an idea.
But this enthraller
Requires Earth smaller,
Hardly an easy panacea.
59919 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Daniel Ford
Set in the ancient seas foam,
PANGAEA, our early land home,
Was continent wide,
With mammoths beside
The places the dinosaurs roam.
59920 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Chris Papa
Said the old archaeologist Vince,
"All the skeptics we now shall convince.
For what lies here between us,
Is the petrified penis
Of a Persian, a prosperous prince."
59921 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Albin Chaplin
Said his cohort, "This stone nondescript
Is not what you think, you have slipped.
Your conclusion's absurd
It's a fossilized turd
Where a cat crept and crapped in the crypt."
59922 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Albin Chaplin
There once was a young English miner,
Who prospected a bit in North China.
He described a crevasse, in an igneous mass,
That ran horizontal, and sparkled like glass,
As a petrified Chinese vagina.
59923 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY L1481
The locals ignore the vibration
And ash with a calm resignation;
Popocatepetl
Is testing their mettle;
Flight get zero consideration.
59924 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Election 2000
A Quaker lass never felt free
To learn what an orgasm should be.
He seismologist beau
Predicted he'd know
If she ever reached seven point three.
59925 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Macsam
A seismology coed named Schlichter,
Had a boyfriend named Victor, who licked her
With an ardor unslaked
Till with ardor she quaked,
On a scale that surpassed that of Richter.
59926 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Taylor McCulloch
Do you hear that low rumble sound?
It's something so very profound.
I have known for years
We need have no fears
When we hear the world going 'round.
59927 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Marlene
A rumble you feel in your bones
Eliciting satisfied moeans,
Is not from good sex;
It's much more complex;
It's from our Earth's revolving stones.
59928 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Marlene
Late nights when it's quiet in bed,
The rumble is inside my head.
It gives me a sign
That everything's fine;
The world's going 'round; fear has fled.
59929 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Marlene
You say it's the world's axis rumbling?
It must be the beaarings a-crumbling!
If the bearings are shot,
Then the poles will get hot,
Then they'll smash and through space we'll be tumbling!
59930 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Tiddy Ogg
I hate to disturb your night's sleep
But that rumblin's so very deep,
It's grinding away,
While your are just lay-
Ing down on your bed like Bo Peep!
59931 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Archie
The friction is heating our Earth;
To disaster it will soon give birth.
As the core overheats,
It'll blow us to bits;
On pieces of Earth we'll space surf!
59932 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Archie
The twitch of Earth's magnetic field
Is seldom to humans revealed.
Dear sensitive Mar,
Just needs an iron jar;
A big one, not too much annealed.
59933 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY H Whelchel
And now, the benefits double
Should Earth ever get into trouble.
Hermetically sealed,
I'll scan her bent field,
And fish her right out of the rubble.
59934 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY H Whelchel
My mag amps are way unsurpassed;
They're all cryo-nitrogen gassed.
She shant need a flare
Or beacon out there.
Her final Earth breath, though, must last.
59935 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY H Whelchel
So limmers, if you hear a hum,
And think Earth shall be overcome,
Kiss something for luck,
Inhale a big suck,
And climb in a 50 gal drum.
59936 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY H Whelchel
The word, it is not really rumbling
As through the starred void we are tumbling.
It's trains on the track;
Cars on the tarmac;
At natural science, I'm bumbling.
59937 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Marlene Lewis
For logical causes I sleuthed
And when I was little it soothed.
The sound helped me sleep
With no need to weep.
My way through night's darkess it smoothed.
59938 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Marlene Lewis
The West, in a tumult of chaos,
Fell in the Pacific embraos.
When it afterwards came
To apportioning blame,
The fault was presumed San Andreas.
59939 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Hugh Oliver A140A
The real reason for all that quaking
That made Seattle's building shaking,
And caused such a drama,
Is that Big German Mama,
A tremendous orgasm was faking.
59940 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Dirruk
When Big Sexy Sam came, he blasted,
Leaving Flossie both flabbered and gasted.
"Well," she quippped, with a smile,
That's a lay with real style...
A seismological blast while it lasted.
59941 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Grand Prix Lim 72
A geology student named Victor
Took his date to the river and dicked her.
He admitted his fault
In this heinous assault,
But was proud of his 6 on the Richter.
59942 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY C. Webster Wheelock P8311
Those mythic tales of maids Greek
Who eyes lachrymose tears did leak,
Were said to be clones,
Source of Amber stones,
Which rockhounds and geologists seek!
59943 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Barb
When Richter's scales upward vault
And tremors start their ground assault.
When earthquakes came,
Who was to blame?
St. Andreas, 'twas his fault?
59944 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Irving Superior P9609
"Volcanic eruptions", she cried,
"Make me kind of excited inside."
On Stromboli's hot summit
She started to thumb it,
When whoosh! Both her pussy-lips fried.
59945 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Peter Wilkins
The geologists argue in chorus
That the dinosaurs lived long before us.
But when walking down Yonge
You can still fall among
Some inebriate Toronto sore ass.
59946 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Hugh Oliver 61a
A noted geologist, Walt,
Once screwed a young lady of Galt.
She said, "You're proficient;
Is my fissure sufficient?"
But her fissure, he said, was a fault.
59947 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Albin Chaplin 3024-0638
A tiny volcano in Java
Appeared, but it spurted no lava.
Then a little brown mole,
With his nose through the hole,
Said, "I don't want to tunnel no farva."
59948 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Funfax Limericks
Two geologists met, excavated,
Became lava's who's heat devastated.
Their couplings volcanic
Caused tremors and panic,
And whole towns to be evacuated.
59949 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Jim Weaver Collection
A fellow from Bristol, called Steve
Was seriously known to believe
That, the world being flat,
If once lost, your cat
Would be terribly hard to retrieve.
59950 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Michael Palin
"You can have my advice (at a price)",
Said the doctor, "Concerning your vice;
You like poking your cock
Between cracks in the rock?
Well, OK, if it makes you feel gneiss."
59951 SCIENCE - GEOLOGY Peter Wilkins