Little Willy
 Little Willy shot his sister.
 She was dead before we missed her.
Willy's always up to tricks.
Ain't he cute; he's only six
Willy with a thirst for gore,
 Nailed the baby to the door.
Mother said with humor quaint,
"Willly dear, don't mar the paint."
 Willy studied chemistry
 But he doesn't anymore.
 For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4.
Willy saw some dynamite,
Couldn't understand it quite.
 Curiosity never pays.
It rained Willy seven days.
Willy with a great big shout,
 Gouged the baby's eyeballs out.
Stomped on them to make them pop.
Mother said, "Now Willy, Stop!"
Willy in his bright new sash,
 Fell in the fireplace, burned to ash.
Now although the room grows chilly,
 I haven't the heart to poke poor Willy.
Willy fell down the elevator,
 Wasn't found till six days later.
The neighbors sniffed and said, "Gee Whizz,
What a spoiled child Willy is."
Little Willy picked his nose,
 Way up where the snot grows.
His finger digging for the crud,
 Nicked a vessel, Look at the blood!
 Little Willy with a rock,
Beaned the coocoo in the clock.
When asked why the clock did not tick,
 Willy said the bird is sick.
Poor little Willy is crying so sore,
A sad little boy is he.
 'Cause he has broken the baby's neck,
He'll not have jam for tea.
Little Willy feeling bored, and addled in the brain,
Cut the baby into bits and stuffed him down the drain.
Mother cried in desperate haste, "You horrid little sinner! 
 One thing I deplore is waste; we've nothing else for dinner.
Willy and three other brats,
Ate up all the Rough-On-Rats.
 Papa said, when Mama cried,
"Don't worry dear, they'll die outside.
Yesterday my gun exploded,
 When I thought it wasn't loaded.
 Near my wife I pressed the trigger,
 Chipped a fragment off her figure.
'Course I'm sorry and all that,
But she shouldn't be so fat.
Grandpapa fell down a drain.
Couldn't scramble up again.
Now he's floating down the sewer,
There's one grandpapa the fewer.
 In the family drinking well
Willy pushed his sister Nell.
 There she's yet because it kilt her;
Now we have to buy a filter.
Willy in a rage insane,
 Threw his head beneath a train.
All were quite surprosed to find,
How it broadened Willy's mind.
Little Willy, from the mirror, licked the mercury all off; 
Thinking in his childish error, it would cure the whooping cough. At the funeral Willly's mother, said to Mrs. Brown,
"'Twas a chilly day for Willy when the mercury went down."
Little Willy, feeling mean,
Pushed his sister through a screen.
 Mother stopped his inovations,
Said it made for strained relations.
Little Willy, mad as hell,
 Threw his sister down the well.
Mother said, while drawing water,
It's so hard to raise a daughter.
Little Willy, pair of skates,
 Hole in ice, Golden Gates.
 Little Willy on the railroad tracks,
The engine gave a squeal.
The engineer just took a spade
And scraped him off the wheel.
Mother held her little daughter
Fifty minutes under water;
 Not to make her any trouble,
But to see those funny bubbles.
Little Willy, loathsome tyke,
 Poured glue on his sister's bike.
Sister pedaled all through France
Welded to her underpants.
Father heard his children scream
 So he threw them in the stream.
Saying as he drowned the third,
"Children should be seen, not heard."
Little Willy on his bike
Through the village took a hike.
 Mrs. Thompson blocked the walk,
She will live but still can't talk.
 Little Willy's good as gold;
He neither cries nor hollers.
 He lived just two-and-twenty days,
And cost us forty dollars.
 Little Willy poisoned grandma's tea;
Poor grandma died in agony.
His poppa he was greatly vexed,
And said to Willy, "Now, what's next!"
 Little Willy on the track,
 Didn't hear the engine squeal.
Now the engines coming back,
Scraping Willy off the wheel.
 Willy pushed his brother Ned
Headlong into traffic;
Once the peevish brat was dead,
It seemed a little drastic.
Willy ran to catch a ball,
 Tripped and took a nasty fall.
His classmates thought it most amusing
 To see the way the blood was oozing.
Into the cistern little Willy
 Pushed his little sister Lily.
Mother couldn't find our daughter;
Not we sterilize the water.
Willy with an awful curse
Threw the saucepan at the nurse.
 When he hit her on the nose,
Mother said, "How straight he throws."
 Willy split the baby's head
To see if brains were grey or red.
Mother, troubled, said to Father,
Children are an awful bother.
 Willy in his rougish way
Pushed grandpa in the fire one day.
 Mother said, "Why dear, that's cruel,
But of course it saves on fuel."
 Willy hitting at a ball,
Lined one down the schoolhouse hall.
Throught the door came Mr. Hill;
 Several teeth are missing still.
 Willy's cute as cute can be.
Beneath his brother, only three,
 He lit a stick of dynamite.
Now Bubby's simply out of sight.
 Willy in the cauldron fell;
See the grief on Mother's brow.
Mother loved her darling well.
Willy's quite hard boiled by now.
Willy stopped the cable car
While standing on the track.
It gave his system quite a jar;
His sisters now wear black.
Willy killed his sister Sue,
A thing a brother should not do.
 Cried his mother, "Now you'll catch it!
You've spoiled your father's brand new hatchet.
 Willy pushed his Aunt Elizer
Off a rock into a geyser.
Now he's feeling quite dejected;
 Didn't get the rise expected.
 Willy writing for a book,
Woman was the theme he took.
Woman was the only text.
Ain't he cute? He's oversexed.
Willy with his fathers gun,
Punctured Grandma, just for fun.
 Mother frowned so at the lad;
 'Twas the last shell Father had.
 Willy while the ice was thin,
 Tried to skate and he fell in.
Willy tasted rather nice
When they cut the pond for ice.
Willy, looking down the gun,
Pulled the trigger just for fun.
 Mother said, in accents pained,
Willy is so scatterbrained
 Willy took a pair of shears,
Cut off both the baby's ears.
 At the baby, so unsightly,
 Mama raised her eyebrows slightly.
Baby's in the ice cream freezer;
 Willy turns the crank to squeeze her.
Ma says, "Dear, the way that's fixed,
You'll have the baby completely mixed.
 Little William Arther White
Found a stick of dynamite.
 His parents now are picking small
Bits of Willie off the wall.
"There's been an accident," they said.
 "Your servants cut in half; he's dead."
"Indeed!" said Mr. Jones.
"And please
 Send me the half with the car keys."
Dr. Jones fell in the well
 And died without a moan.
He should have tended to the sick
And left the well alone.
I never shall forget my shame
 To find my son had forged my name.
If he'd had any thought for others,
 He might at least have forged his mother's.
They caught Old Puss, the little sinners,
 And made a bowstring from her inners.
Mother hollered, "Children, scat!
Don't be fiddling with the cat." (J S Newman)
Father when he took his nap,
Put his dentures on the ledge.
Little Willie got a slap
For setting Fathers teeth on edge. (J S Newman)
 Willie sent to buy some thread,
Bought a candy bar instead.
Said nosey neighbor, Mrs Totten,
 "Willie's gone, but not for cotton." (J S Newman)
Willie, radiantly alive
 Swallowed U-235.
Willie died and that's a shame!
Willie's radiant, just the same.! (J S Newman)
Willie ran to
catch a ball;
Tripped and took a nasty fall.
His classmates thought it quite amusing,
To see the way the blood was oozing.
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  At the baby, so unsightly,