Hole In The Elephant's Bottom
 My ambition's to go on the stage;
From this you can see that I've got 'em.
In pantomime I'm all the rage;
 I'm the hole in the elephant's bottom.
His balls they hang so low,
I think that I could knot 'me,
 As I wink at the girls in the pit
Through the hole in the elephant's bottom
The man who plays the front part
Is absolutely rotten.
All he can do is to fart
Through the hole in the elephant's bottom.
Oh! The girls think that I am it;
As they sit in their stalls, I can spot 'em.
And I wink at the girls in the pit,
Through the hole in the elephant's bottom.
A young lady stood at the stage door.
She said "You're a film star, I can spot 'em."
 You're Douglas Fairbanks.
I said "Ma'am no thanks,
I'm the hole in the elephant's bottom.
One night we performed in a farce
And they stuffed up the bottom with cotton.
But it split and it showed my bare arse
Through the hole in the elephant's bottom.
There are pockets inside in the cloth
For two bottles of Bass, if you've got 'em.
But they hiss and they boo when I blow out the froth
Through the hole in the elephant's bottom.
Now my part doesn't have any words,
But there's nothing that can't be forgotton.
I spend all my time pushing property turds
 Through the hole in the elephants bottom.
Some may think this story is good,
 And some may believe that it's rotten.
 But those that don't like it can stuff it right up
 The hole in the elephant's bottom.