Parties, Banquets, And Balls
chorus: Parties, banquets, and balls, me boys,
 Parties, banquets, and balls.
Parties and banquets and banquets and parties,
 And balls, balls, balls.
There was a man from County Claire,
A nobleman beyond compare,
 He was famous everywhere,
As a man with prodigious--
Oh they were large and they were red,
Round as the sun and heavy as lead.
He could swing them around his head,
This man with prodigious--
One day while walking down the street,
 A fair young maid he chanced to meet.
She thought it would be a delectable treat,
To twirl his prodigious--
She twirled them up and she twirled them down,
 She twirled them square and she twirled them round.
Alas she was crushed by a great rebound,
Of the really prodigious--
At first a shriek and then a yell,
 The police came on and on him fell.
They locked him up in a dungeon cell,
With a ten-pound chain on his--
 And now he sits in durance vile,
And eyes them all with a twisted smile,
And he sighs and thinks once in a while
Of the maiden who played with his--
 So If your well endowed, take heed,
Respect the sack, protect the seed.
No matter how the girls beg and plead,
 Don't let them play with you--