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THE
PINDER OF
WAKEFIELD.
Being the merry Hiftory cfCjeorgea
Greene thelufty Finder of the North.
Briefly fhewinghis manhood and his braue
merriments amongft hisboone Companions.
A Pill fit to purge melancholy in this
drooping age.
Read, then judge.
With the great Battel fought betwixt
him and Robin Hood, Scarlet ana little lobnt
and after 01 his luring with them in
the Wood*.
Full of pretty Hiftories, Songs, Catches,
lefts, and Ridles.
IO N D 0 K,
Printed by </-P. for E.rBl»tk*»i>t>rt.Awt\\:to$ \n<T*M'.t
yard at ch« fignc of the Angell, 16 3 a.
:
THE PINDER
OF
WAKEFIELD,
Being the mad merry Hiftory of George a
Greene thelufty Pinderof'the North*
Ot the birth and parentage of (J^rge * {Jrm/^and the
firftfac*
ginning of his braue exployts.
G RE ATE care had our ancient fathers in former
ages, to ordaine good orders, lawes and
customes, for the preuention of ciuill discord
and other abuses, which man might doe to man. And
so it is continued in these our later yeeres, and brought
more to perfection and maturity, as ignorance
decayeth, and is vnmasked, and truth illustrated and
reuealed.
And to giue you a sight of some of these for a taste
of the rest, Yorkeshire had many priuiledges, as the
Tovvne of Hallifax in the same shire, a place of great
cloathing, few better in England, yet much subiect to
robberies and theeues, which swarmed the more in
respect that when any felony was committed, they
could not get any man to play the executioners part,
though the King had giuen them by act of Parliament
to use Martiall law. A Eryer there liued in those dayes
that was very ingenious, he inuented an Engin, which
by the pulling out of a pin, would fall, and so cut off
the necke, this deuice kept them in awe a great while,
till at last this Fryer had committed a notorious fact
and for the same was the first that hanseled the new/
Engin his owne inuention: the like I haue heard truly [Aiv
related though not pertinent to my story, yet I will
4 The finder of Wakefield
here recite, in the He of Silly, that through the
hollownesse of the Rocke, which with the winde
blowing into the same, it made such a huge noyse
that it might easily be heard a league off, insomuch
that it was called, the Gulfe by seamen, & was an
extraordinary great safeguard for sea men, both in
the night and day time to auoid the dangerous rocks:
in the same Hand there dwelt a fisherman, that
thinking the noyse thereof was a hindrance unto his
trade and draue away the fish; at seuerall times carried
in his boate, Stones, that at the last hee stopped it
up quite. But marke the chance that befel; afterward
this fisherman being abroad in his boate, was ouertaken
with a storme in the night, and driuen shrewdly to
and fro, not knowing where hee was, till at the length
it fortuned that he was cast away upon the same place,
and so according to the old Prouerb, he digged a pit
for others, and was the first that fell into the same.
But to returne to our history, by reason of the many
dammages done by one mans cattell or other, in
breaking out of their own grounds into other mens
corne and pasture, the Pownd was first inuented to
put cattle in that had trespast, vntill restitution was
made according to the fact committed: Wakefield
amongst the rest was famous in respect of a lusty proper
stout fellow that had the keeping of the said Pownd,
called by the name of George Greene the stout Pinder
ofWakefield, of whose merryments and valiantnesse the
history ensuing declareth. He came of honest
parentage, his father a husbandman, his very childhood
fore told his happy fortunes to succeede after in his
riper yeeres: he became the captaine of all the boyes
in the Towne of Wakefield, & al his little Souldiers wore
in their hats a sprig of greene bay for their captaines
colours, whom they called by the name of George a
The Tinder of Wakefield £
Greene, and as he grew further in yeeres, so more and
more grew he magnanimous dayly exercising himself
with playing at Cudgels, and vsing all manner of
weapons, as also exercising himselfe at running, leaping,
wrestling, ringing, shooting, and still he bore the
bell away: and as he was couragious so also he was
courteous and gentle, and much giuen to mirth,
insomuch that he had the loue of all both old and
young,/that happy were they that were acquainted [A2
with him, and all England sounded forth the praise of
George a Greene, the mad merry Tinder of Wakefield;
there was no pastime, Wakes, King-ale, dancing,
wedding, Running at quintaine, or any other exercise,
as the Maypole, bringing in of the Cuckoo, but it was
al not worth a fkldlesticke, if George a Greene had not
a hand in it, especially when any poore man was
wronged still honest George was ready lor to ri^ht
his cause.
Amongst all the crue of George his mad companions,
he selected halfe a dozen of lusty fellowes for to
accompany him in all his pastimes and merriments,
which were as officers vnder him; and these were
they, Tom the Taberer, hee was made Drummer,
Cut!:bcrt the Cobler, he was made Lieftenant, and
Stitch the Taylor bore the colors, and Tohit the
Thresher, Miles the Miller, Smug the Smith Serieants.
George hauing got his crue about him to my host
Bankes his house there where good liquor grew, and
was sold by the pownd, for that was appointed for
their meeting place, and hauing whetted their wits
with a little nappy ale, George a Greene began to make
this oration following to his Souldiers, Louing friends
and Countreymen my true and lusty boone com-
panions, seeing it hath pleased you out of your loues and
good wills that you beare me, to chuse me for your
6 The Tinder oj Wakefield
Captaine and commander, you shall finde me euer
ready at all times to the vtmost of my power in all
honest attempts ready and diligent, now on the other
side I must request you also according to your places
you are now chosen in to be carefull therein, and
chiefely to obserue these following orders: First, if
the lye be giuen by any, not to put it vp, but to haue
a bout with them at Cudgels, which if they refused,
then to lay downe their twelue pence to be kept in
banke to be spent at their next meeting. Secondly,
any that made pathes ouer the corne, or broke downe
hedges when they had the faire roade way to go in, to
force them to haue a bout at Quarter-staffe, else lay
downe twelue pence. Thirdly, any man foote or
horse that went through the towne of Wakefield with
a long staffe on his necke, to make them trayle it after
them, or else to haue a bout at Sword and Buckler, or
else to lay down there twelue pence. Fourthly, to
take part with the wronged side alwaies. Fift/ly, in [A2v
all attempts to be still ready to helpe one another if
they should chance to be ouermatched. Sixtly, they
should neuer drinke small drinke to make their guts
lowsie, so long as they might haue good strong
liquor for their money. Seuenthly, if it chanced that
they should catch a fox, or be drunke, to goe quietly
away and not to moue any discontented quarrell.
Eighthly, euery munday morning to meete at my
host Bankes his house if they were in good health, and
euery one to spend his halfe dozen, and I for my part,
quoth George, will spend my dozen. To these things
you shall all sweare on a Primer, and I my selfe will
doe the like, and as you like the orders shew it by your
consent thereto: with that they all with one accord
did shoute, and cryed, Agreed, agreed noble Captaine,
thou shalt be our second Saint George for England: and
The Tinder of Wakefield J
thus each one hauing spent his allowance, they all
departed about their affaires. George hee went about
prouiding of weapons for the due keeping of their
orders, the keeping of the weapons was so deliuered
according as they had skill to vse them, and George
he would bee the last man that should stand at stake
to answer for them all, and the orders George sent
for a Painter presently, and had them painted
presently at each end of the towne brauely.
Of a great fray that hapned in Wakefield
betwixt Kendall men, Hallijax men, and George
and his companions.
TheRE dwelt in the North two welthy Yeomen,
which dealt much in cloathing, namely, Cuthbert
of Kendall and Hoskins of Hallifax, which kept
lusty waine-men to goe with their cloth from place
to place. It was their chance to come through
Wakefield with their Jong staues on their necks, which
Tobit the Thresher perceiuing called vnto them,
saying, Down with your staues, for you must not
beare them so vp: and so stepping to them shewed
them their orders, saying, if that you cannot reade
I will reade them vnto you, and if you cannot vnder-
stand them I will make you vnderstand them: what a
prating keepes the knaue, quoth the men? art thou
out of thy wits? Out of my wits, quoth he, you are
decerned, and that you shall finde presently, with
that he steps hardly, and fetcht out the Quarter staues,
8 The Tinder of Wakefield
and long staues with the other of the weapons. Down/
with your staues I say, or else you must haue a bout [A3
or two with me at these weapons. Stay the carts,
quoth a Kendall man, I warrant you that he shall haue
his belly full. And so to it they went stiffely; but
Tohit layd about him so stoutly that he made the
Kendall man giue ouer and lay downe his weapons.
Come another, quoth Tohit, stay not: another came
and to their busines close they went, but Tohit
behaued himselfe so well, that hee broke the pate
of him, which the Kendall and Hallifax men per-
ceiuing their fellowes to be beaten, all of them at
once came vpon Tohit; but he defended himselfe
stoutly against them all. In the meane time came
Miles the Miller, Tom the Taberer, Smug the Smith,
with the rest of the crue, and seeing all vpon Tohit,
this is foule play and amongst them they all rushed,
insomuch that such a fray was hardly seene in
Wakefield many yeeres before: the Townsmen they
run£F the Common bell, which George a Greene
perceiuing, he came running to know the newes, and
knowing it came amongst the hottest of them laying
about him manfully, vntill at last he had made the
poore Kendall men and Hallifax men lay downe their
staues, and yet they were in all a dozen of proper
fellowes. Nay you haue not done yet, quoth George,
looke vpon the orders, down with your staues, and
dril and draw them after you through the Towne:
the which poore men they willingly did, and so they
departed with heauy hearts and broken pates and
shinnes, vowing to be reuenged, withall threatning
them to come againe; and withall challeng'd George
and his companions to play with them on Midsummer
day next comming at all manner of weapons what-
soeuer, especially these that follow,
i. The Cudgels.
2. Quarter Staffe.
3. Sword and
Buckler.
4.. Back Sword.
The Tinder oj Wakefield
£. The Halbert.
6. The Fawcheon.
> -i 7. Sword and
Dagger.
The Pitch-Forke.
And the morrow after they would play a match at
footeball with them in the morning, for an angell a
man; and in the afternoone to wrestle with them for
the like tenne shillings a man, or any other exercise
whatsoeuer. God haue mercy, my braue lads,
quoth George, doubt not but you shall be answered
to the full; come faith my bonny bulchins, for this
your challenge I/loue you, you shall along with me to [A3V
my host Bankes his house; I haue a hue shilling piece
to bestow on you, with that they agreed, and they
said they had their dozen of ale apiece for him, quoth
Tom the Taberer, and the rest of George his Souldates
we will haue our dozens apiece also, and so away they
went together, where they did liquor there insides
as well as they had their outsides basted, and so they
departed, each taking leaue of one another in kindly
manner with a faithfull promise on each side not to
laile on Midsummer day: for quoth George, I know that
the Countrey will take notice, and I doe meane to
haue printed bils, and because we will haue it done
in ample forme and order, and be sure that you bring of
your primest men, for I doe assure you that you shall
heere finde your match: and so the Kendall and Hallifax
men departed, but George and his Souldates had the
other round in good Liquor. Quoth George, I am glad
my braue blades you haue so brauely behaued your
selues this day, I like it well; it is a good beginning to
our orders: come honest Tom thou shalt keepe the
Register of all our pastimes and merriments: I Captain,
i o The Pinder oj Wakefield
quoth he, it is done already, because those that come
after vs in latter ages should heare of our braue deedes.
Kendall and Hallifax men did contend,
Our orders to breake and bring to an end,
But such a bad banquet we gaue them that day,
We basted them soundly, and sent them away.
How George serued old Cooke for his
iealousie without cause.
TheRE dwelt in Wakefield one goodman Cooke, which
was well acquainted with George a Greene, to whose
house George daily resorted, this old Cook, not Cuckold
had a very proper woman to his wife, well bred and of
good behauiour, which alwaies made George still kindly
welcome, because shee saw that her husband did
alwaies make much of him also, and he also being of a
courteous nature was very kinde and gentle towards
her, which familiarity of theirs made many idle
people to coniecture of the worst, that this great
familiarity tended to some other end, in plaine
tearmes that he made old Cooke a/Cuckold, and to [A4
this end so buzzed it in the old mans eares (and age
of it selfe is subiect to that idle humor, and to weare
the yellow hose at the least occasion) he now began
to powte and lowre vpon her, as also vpon his friend
George a Greene, snubbing his wife shrewdly, George
knowing the womans and his owne honesty, studied
with himselfe how to be reuenged and to cleare
himselfe of this scandall, yet to beate the old man, or
to vse the like violence to him he would not, and the
more people talked, yet he still the more behaued
himselfe gently towards Mistris Cook: old Cook hauing
The Tinder oj Wakefield 11
many cattle stolen from him at seueral times, vsed often-
times for to rise in the night to see if by chance he
could light vpon the thiefe, George a Greene noting
this, thought with himselfe that he had enough for
to turne old Cookes minde from ielousie. Got a great
Cow hide, a long piece of lighted match, and an old
cane, and away hyeth to old Cookes ground where he
vsed to watch, hauing an old vgly vizard, gets him into
a great hollow tree, and puts on his vizard and his
hide with the large homes, and squibs and wet gun-
powder he had also prepared for wildfire, way ting old
Cookes comming: long he had not stayed there, but
Cooke came, which George perceiuing, came towards
him, wheeling the lighted match about, and then
put it in the cane, and then pulld it out againe, which
the old man perceiuing such an vgly thing come
toward him, and the fire sometimes lighted and
suddenly out, was so affrighted thereat, especially
when the squibbes went off, and George came hissing
with wet powder out of his mouth with a quill, he
screekt out and began to run away, and George after
him wheeling his match as before, but George was
lighter afoote than the old man, and ouertooke him
standing fast before him and the stile. Stand, quoth
George, or I will carry thee quick away with me: why
what art thou, quoth Cooke, that thus huntest me, and
what is thy will? speake in the name of God, and if
it lye in my power I will doe any thing that thou shalt
will me to doe. Why then quoth George, and fetching
a circle about old Cooke, hee began to coniure old
Cooke and charged him that he should not stirre out
of that place vntill hee had heard what his message
was, for if he did hee would carry him away quick
with him: old Cook must be contented, Georgejhe [A4.V
begins. Rumbos Kagdayan colucandrion hoys ploys, know
i 2 The Tinder oj Wakefield
Cooke, that I am a spirit, and am sent from Plutoes Court
to torment thee, for that thou art troubled with
iealousie against thy wife and thy friend without any
cause, and all such persons I must whip them, and
night and day I will torment them; wherefore in time
leaue off this idle humour now thou hast warning, goe
home, make much of thy wife, doe her no wrong,
for she is true to thee, and so is thy friend; if thou
take not this warning assure thy selfe, I will be with
thee before it bee long to thy smart, and so thou
mayst depart for thou hast thy liberty, for time
calleth me away: and then letting off squibs and
wheeling his match about his head, spitting wildfire,
away he went; and the poore old man also hastned
home, being shrewd agast, looking so pale as ashes,
his haire stood an end, and in this pitifull plight, away
he came home, and put them all in a maze to see him
in that case. What is the matter good husband, quoth
Mistris Cooke, in the name of God tell me? poore
woman, she ran to and fro for things to comfort her
husband. At last, old Cooke came to himselfe a little
better, and spoke, O wife, said he, pardon me, for
I haue done thee much wrong, in thinking that thou
didst me wrong, with my good friend George a Greene,
but it was long of naughtie neighbours, but I defie them
all, for this night an vgly fiend hath appeared vnto me,
and hath threatned me much if I did not change my
humour because thou wast innocent; and therefore
I pray thee forgiue me, and thou shalt euer hereafter
finde me more kind to thee; truly husband, quoth
she, I did rnuch maruell that of late you were so
vnkind vnto me without any cause, but I doe forget
it in hope that you will not hereafter haue any such idle
thought of me. George he puts of his hide, came home,
and went to bed, and the next morning came to old
The Tinder oj Wakefield 13
Cookes house as though he knew nothing, which when
Cooke saw him, hee bade him wondrous welcome, so
did his wife, and George had time to tell the good-
woman that it was his deuice for to change her
husbands minde after that manner, whereat she did
laugh most heartily, thanking him a thousand times,
and euer after that time shee loued George more than
she did before, and yet honestly: yet notwithstanding
all this George his Souldates amongst them-/selues [Bi
would make a Catch, and one time being merry
amongst themselues, sung it to his face.
To the tune of, John come kisse me now.
Whose three Hogs are these, are these,
whose three Hogs are these:
They are John Cookes, 1 know them by their lookes,
1 found them in the Pease;
Goe pound them, goe pound them, I dare not for my
life, my life,
I dare not for my life;
No, for once thou knewest John Cooke very well,
but better thou know'st his wife.
Well, well, my masters, I perceiue you are all
Wagges, and that your meaning is not according to
your Song; and therefore I cannot be angry with you.
1 low George a Greene made a great Riding at
Wakefield for a woman that had beaten her
Husband.
MANY mad pranks were made and done by
George a Greene, and his Companions; which
made them famous ouer all England. Amongst
all the rest of his other lests, this was one, there dwelt
in the Towne of'Wakefield, an honest labouring man,
14 The Tinder oj Wakefield
called commonly by the name of Goodman Patience:
whose ill hap was so that he in his marriage met not with
his like (I meane, a patient woman) nay rather he was
matcht with a ranke scold, that after hunny moone
was past began to call him Rogue and Rascall instead
of Lord and Master: this poore man led such an
vntoward life with her, that he made his moane to
an honest friend, who gaue him the God giue you ioy
of your new marriage. Joy neighbour, quoth he,
marry you might as well bid God giue me ioy of a
halter instead of my wedding sheete; which I wish
had betided mee, for they say marriage and hanging
goeth by destiny; and also married couples, they say,
haue but two good dayes in their life, the day of
marriage, the day of death, how/can that be, quoth [Biv
the neighbour? thus, quoth hee: first, the day of
marriage in respect that then hee had the content, not
onely of a new wife, but also the comfort of her
friends, but alacke this lasts but for a day, when hee
is in Lobs Pownd, and the poore man hath done that
with his tongue hee cannot vndoe with his teeth. Oh,
then is the time for curtaine sermons, for I tell you
good neighbour, in my dayes, I could haue ruled two
Hogs, but now I assure you, I cannot rule one Sow.
But this is the mischiefe, I must be married with a
pestlence, and now I thinke on it good neighbour,
I will tell you such another iest like to this. There
was an honest friend of mine, called by the name of
Bilbo lack, that thought himselfe to be so strong as
Hercules, and his friends would haue married him to
an honest Farmers daughter, which being told to
lack, he said, he must haue two wiues; nay, his friends
had much adoe to perswade him to take one first,
promising him, if he would take one first he should
haue another after, so married hee was to one first;
The Tinder oj Wakefield i £
but my youth was so wearied with the bad untoward-
nesse of that one, that the hunny moneth being out,
hee did not much desire the other: and meeting one
morning with me, told me, that he wisht hee had
neuer been married: and in the midst of our talke,
there came a company of Butchers, running after a
mad Oxe, which ran ouer Hedge and Ditch, and the
Butchers after him. Alack, quoth the Butchers, what
shall wee doe? Why truly, quoth lack, I will tell you,
let him haue a wife, let him haue a wife; I am sure it
is the only medicine to tame him, thus you may see
honest neighbour what is my case, truly neighbour,
quoth the man, I will tell you what you shall doe.
There was a friend of mine had such an vntoward
wife that he could not rest, night nor day for her,
insomuch that he could not any way tell how to
please her, nay hee could not get as much as to get
a peny towards her own maintenance, though she had
any thing to her content from her husband, & put the
man to much charge, a friend of his noting her
qualities and conditions, aduised him to buy her a
wheele, thereby to imploy her hands, because her
tongue should not walke: which/she perceiuing her [B2
husbands purpose, was more madder than before, and
vowed she would not worke at all; but leaues her
spinning, and away she goes, hauing got two or three
friends along with her, abroad to walke in the fields,
to make merrie, and to play at Stooleball and the like
pastime. Hauing spent the day, homeward they came,
and still the goodly Gossip continued in her old
humour: her husband seeing no amendment came
friendly vnto her, and told her flatteringly that she
should not worke, but take her pleasure to the full,
and to the same purpose he had purchased a braue
house for her with a braue garden walled about with
16 The Tinder oj Wakefield
brick and fitted every thing therein to delight all her
hue senses withall; the poore woman thinking all
true that her husband had spoken, was contented, and
inclosed she was in the same place, where she had
no keeper, but her husband, which euery morning
would come to see how she fared, or did, looking
ouer a wal, that she could not come neere him, asking
her, what more pleasure would she haue, and then
throw her some tennis Balles, and such idle things,
for pastime: but her answer was, Alack husband, I haue
pleasure enough, but I want victuals. Oh wife, quoth
he, those that will not worke, must not eate, and
therefore good wife to your pastime againe, no meate
without worke I assure you: and thus he kept her till
he had brought her so low that shee begged of her
husband to take all pleasures from her and giue her
but meate, shee would worke with all her heart; he
taking her word vpon many submissiue tearmes,
carrieth her to the Tauerne, bestoweth the wine and
the best meate could be had for money vpon her,
vsing her very gentle, and kinde: which the poore
woman noting an alteration, thought with her selfe, is
my husband thus kinde to me, and shall not I be kinde
to him, fell close vnto all kinds of huswifery, and
euer after both husband and wife agreed as man and
wife should doe. This was a pretty one, quoth the
good man, I care not if I serue my wife so, and home
he went but she rang him such a peale that made the
very water stand in his eyes, nay more than that,
tooke the ladle and broke his pate, which the neigh-
bours perceiuing, pittying the poore/man went to [B2v
George a Greene, telling him all the matter: let mee
alone, quoth George, if she haue any shame left in her,
1 will make her leaue this life; and so calling his
Companions about him, they got a Boy drest in womens
The Tinder of Wakefield 17
apparell like the woman, and a man like her husband,
and put them both on a horse: All the Town and all
the Countries thereabouts hauing notice of this new
iest, came to see it. Thorow the Towne thus they
rid, the woman beating the man, and scolding at him
terribly, the poore man wringing his hands spinning
with a Distaffe, Tom the Taberer with his Taber and
Pipe playing before them, others playing on Gridirons,
Tongs, Bagpipes, tinging on brasse Ketles, other some
with paring Shouels, Pitch-forkes, Broomes, Mops,
Spits, and such rablement, and all the people running
and hooting after them; and thus went they vp and
downe. What a pelting chafe you may imagin was
my Gammer scold in, to see all this sport for her sake.
Neighbours all did reioyce, good women cryed she
was well serued; euery one praised George a Greene
for the same inuention; but my Gammer scold she
fell a rayling at her Neighbours pittifully; which
George a Greene perceiuing, inuented a new engin to
coole her courage, and that was the Cucking-stoole,
which is vsed to this day for all scolds: And euer after
this all women feared to anger their husbands, it kept
all such women in awe euer after: and to this day is
the same orders obserued throughout England, that
whosoeuer beats her husband, the next Neighbour to
the Church must ride: as also the Cucking-stoole is
appointed for scolds.
Of a merry lest that George a Greene serued a
Country Farmer and a Souldier.
WE note oft times in men a contrariety of
nature, as some cannot endure one thing,
some another thing, whereupon the Prouerb first
came vp, One mans meat is another mans poyson:
18 The Tinder of Wakefield
and partly to shew this I will relate a pretty story,
how Miles the Miller could not endure a Cat, this
being pertinent to my story, because hee was one of/
George his Souldates, and George was chiefe in the lest. [B3
This Miles, George and the rest being at my Host
Bankes one munday, still one or other, noting their
merriment, would drop in amongst them for their
dozen of ale. It hapned a Farmers sonne, a young
fellow to bee amongst them, who was more prating
than in performance, and being in drinke, fell out
with Miles the Miller, and challenged him the field,
and gaue his gloue for a pledge; which Miles being a
lusty sturdy fellow, would not refuse, but promised
before his Captaine to answer his challenge, the
weapon was sword and buckler. All being kept in
quietnesse by George a Greene that night, each one
departed vntill the next morning, longing to see the
euent of this challenge: morning being come, Miles
he prouided himselfe for the field, waiting my
youngsters comming, which was the challenger, and
should haue been in the field first. The friends of the
Farmers sonne wondring why hee lay so long a bed,
came with George a Greene to rouze him vp, and
entring into his chamber, gaue him the good time of
the day, and withall said George a Greene to him, I much
wonder you are not stirring Iohn, according to your
promise. Why, said hee, what is the matter? Haue
you forgot said George, I doe not know what you meane,
quoth the fellow, with that George laughed heartily,
you may see euening song and morning song is not
alike: why, I tell you, yesternight you challenged a
stout fellow, a notable old souldier to the field, and
haue giuen him your gloue to meete him this morning,
and he expects your comming. Still he could not
remember any thing: which George noting for he
The Tinder oj Wakefield
19
could not abide a prating coward, thought to play
one mad tricke to bee talked on, began to tell him
againe, and stirre him vp forward, saying, Your
reputation will bee called in question if you goe not,
and wheresoeuer hee meetes you, he will kick you,
nay you will be the common talke of euery one, and
pointed at by euery one: all this could not animate my
younker to goe, saying, he was sorry for what hee
had done, and he did it in his drinke, he owed him
no ill will: well, I hope you will not wrong your
selfe, it will be a great/discredit vnto you, all this [B3V
could not moue him; which madded lusty George, well
said he, what saiest thou if I thinke of a pretty iest and
tricke, that thou shalt goe to the field and meet him
to saue thy credit, nay, and driue him out of the field,
let him be neuer so valiant? I loue you both, and will
haue you friends, but meet him thou shalt. Say you
so Captaine, quoth the yonker, I will giue you forty
shillings to be spent in a dinner, and hue shillings to
be spent in browne Ale to make vs merry. Downe
with your money, quoth George, and be sure to follow
my aduice to the full in euery thing, lest that it turn
to your own wrong. I will, quoth he, and laid down
his forty hue shillings: well, quoth George, I will put
a Crowne to your money more, and the rest of my
mates wil, I know, spend their twelue pence a piece
to make vs merry. Wei to the matter you must get
you a Cat, and carry her vnder your Cloake to the
field, and wait the comming of your aduersary, and
when he is come catch vp the Cat, and hold her
instead of a Buckler, and part not with the Cat by
any meanes. Oh braue noble Captaine, quoth the
yonker: come I pray you let vs haste, 1 long to be in
the field. Well, hee got a Cat and tyed her legs
together, and with a B roo me-staffe in his hand, to
20 The Tinder oj Wakefield
the field he hasts, and vnder his Cloake he hid his
Cat, and there walkes strouting along, waiting Miles
his comming, and many more of the Towne came to
see the braue challenge. Well, at last came Miles with
his Sword and Buckler, both the braue Champions
talked together, shooke hands and to it they prepared,
Miles hee to his Sword and Buckler, and my yonker
to his Broome-staffe, and his braue Target the Cat:
when Miles saw the Cat, hee swet, he swore, he fretted,
chafed, stampt, crying, the diuell, the diuell: my
yonker he foliowes, and Miles he retires back, that
all the people laughed heartily to see my yonker
domineere with his braue Target the Cat: well Miles
was faine to flye out of one field into another, at the
last into the highway, my yonker following and
thinking he had been Master of the field, and the day
had been his, threw his Cat at the head of Miles,
forgetting what George had commanded him./ Miles [B4
perceiuing the Cat his deadly enemy gone; ran
presently with all speed to my yonker, strooke vp
his heeles, Now sirrah, said Miles, I will rib-rost you
for your roguery, and your diuell the Cat, but I will
vse you kindly, you shall bee dry basted: so he threw
downe his Sword and Target, tooke vp the yonkers
Broom-stafTe, and so bebasted him soundly, that there
was such a shout and cry among the people, wonderfull
to heare; but at last George was faine to run in betwixt
them to part them; saying, Come, come, my Masters
enough, I will haue you friends, and therefore I pray
you take part of a dinner, which stands ready for vs:
Miles was agreed: quoth George to the yonker, you
shall bee agreed and ruled by mee in this, though that
you would not be ruled by mee in the other: and so
away they went George and all his Companions to my
Host Bankes, where their dinner was prouided.
The Tinder oj Wakefield 2 I
Dinner being prouicled George and all his Com-
panions sate down, and after thankes-giuing, George
began and said, my Masters and friends and boone
Companions, you are all welcome, fall to it while our
meat is hot, we are all Souldiers and therefore looke
not for entreating, here is that which is good: thanks,
noble Captaine, quoth all of them, and to it they fell,
and not a word spoken, but all their grinders at
worke. Quoth George, my hearts what no liquor
stirring, my Hostes forgets her owne gaine. What
hoe there, quoth my Host, shall Colon bee fed with
nothing but all meat and no drinke? Drinke was
brought presently, and not of the worst, a great bowle
was deliuered to George, another to my Host, and
foure more amongst the rest, my Host hee begins a
round to George and all the rest, bidding them all
welcome; God ha mercy my Host, quoth George, and
you shall not goe vnpledged, and therefore my
Soldates here's to you all, let the Pitcher walke a
little, we are come to be merry, now we may talke
a little to driue downe our good liquor and good
cheere. Here is liquor as browne as a Berry, it will
make vs al blith & merry, if we follow it smug a little:
quoth Smug, I pray you speake to Stitch the Taylor
Captaine, for hee is/somewhat too busie with it, but [B4.V
I thinke he thinkes not of the tale of the Italian Taylor,
1 pray thee tell it, quoth George: I will Captaine,
quoth Stitch.
The Tale.
TN Italy there dwelt a Taylor a great precisian or
IPuritan, that though all his purity, had a hell vnder
his shop-boord; but it chanced that he dreamed, and
2 2 The Tinder oj Wakefield
in his dreame he thought he was in hell for all
his theeuery, and that the Diuels did shew him the
colours of all the cloth, silke, veluet, stuffe, lace,
that hee had stolne, all in a flag. This dreame did hee
tell to his man, aduising him to take heed to remember
the dreame. Not long after this a Gentleman put a
suit of clothes of Veluet and gold lace to the same
Taylor to make, and hee could not forbeare but must
be a nimming of somewhat for himselfe out of the
same; which his man perceiuing, said, oh Master,
remember the dreame of the Flag. It is true Boy,
quoth he, thou sayest true, I thinke vpon it, but I
cannot remember that I saw such a colour as this in
all the Flag: hereat all the company laughed heartily.
Tom the Taberer, quoth Stitch, may wet his whistle
with this liquor, for hee hath piped vntill he is almost
dry: saist thou so, honest Stitch, giue me some more
nappy Ale.
I remember when I was a pretty Springall, and
followed Taplash a little too hard, my Father told
mee of a pretty Enigme of this Ale. Sirrah, said he,
this Ale is made of a thing called Malt, and you must
spell it thus; M much, A Ale, I little, T thrift: which
put together, is much Ale little thrift. God ha mercy
honest Tom, quoth George, I thanke you Captaine,
quoth Tom: and here is to thee honest Tobit; what all
a mort man? drinke stout of this, and thou needest
not to thresh in thy Cloake: well bold Tom, quoth
Tobit, and I will not forget Miles the Miller, because
he can vse a broome-staffe so well; but bewarre the
Cat: wel, quoth Miles, chil vnderuang thee, let it come,
and in the mean time I will tell you a pretty lest and
document out of a Broom my Father taught mee.
Sirrah, said he, what doe you cut such a Broom-staffe/
to make you a trap, they will helpe to make a flaile: [Ci
The Pinder oj Wakefield 23
and a Broome standing by, he bade me reach it, and
I will tell you what you shall trust to hereafter. Now
you are yong sirrah, said he, here is Birch to correct
you; and they say, it is good to bowe the Birch while
it is greene, and vp hee takes mee whiscome whas-
come, (bad fare verily) then puts me downe; take
heed sirrah hereafter, if you offend, when you grow
more riper in yeeres, and leaue not off your knaueries,
with this Broome-staffe I will baste your sides, and
then if all this will not mend your manners, here is
a withe to hang you. Well here's to thee honest
Cuthbert, I thinke thou hast not wet thy whistle with
this round yet. I feare, quoth Smug, Cut hath found the
Merchants bag. What meanest thou by that, quoth
George. I will tell you Captaine. Old Cuthbert the
Cobler of Cob Hall dwelling neere to Pentweesel
Castle, great Grandfather to this our honest Cuthbert,
was such a merry man, that from morning till night
hee would doe nothing but sing so merrily as a
Nightingale; which being noted by a great Gentleman,
dwelling neere thereunto, he thought with himselfe
to make tryall whether hee could alter Cuthberts note.
One morning he tooke a bag of mony, and came to
Cuthberts shop, bidding him Good morrow neighbour,
here is a paire of shoes, I pray you mend them well
for me: and so amongst other talke, quoth hee, I
commend you Father you haue a light heart. I faith
Master, quoth Cut, a light heart and a beggers purse:
but who can sing so merry a note, than hee that cannot
change a groat. The Merchant he goes away and left
his Bag of money behind him: awhile after Cut found
it, and opening it, seeing such treasure, that hee had
not seene so much in all his life together: hee said,
is there so much money in all the world: but what
vse shall I put this money to, shall I goe build,
24 The Finder oj Wakefield
purchase Land, or put it out to vse? Faith I will goe
home to Margery my wife, and aske her aduise: and
thus was poore Cut troubled with this bag of money,
that he forgot all his sing-songs, and was as mute as an
old horse: and thus for a whole weeke did he remaine
as one dumbe. And the Merchant came againe, saying,
how now/honest neighbour, what all-a-mort, mee [Ci
thinkes I cannot heare you sing as you were wont to doe;
what is the matter, sure you can change a groat now. I
left a bag of mony here with you a weeke agoe, I pray you
restore it againe. With mee, quoth Cut? I with you,
quoth the Merchant: and is it yours? I mine, said he:
marry and you shall haue it againe, and the diuell giue
you good with it, for I am sure I haue had but little ioy
since I had it in keeping: here, there it is, I will take
me to my worke againe: and so he fell a singing, as
merrily as euer he did before. Thus you may see
what money can doe. Nay, quoth Tom, now to quite
your tale, I will tell you another tale of a Cobler and
a Gentlemans Ape: and this it is.
The Tale of the Cobler and the Ape.
TheRE dwelt in London a rich Merchant that kept
a great Ape, which when he had broke loose,
would doe much mischiefe, and he could not see
any thing done before him, but hee would be a doing
the like. There dwelt a Cobler ouer-against this
Gentlemans, which the Ape would view how he cut
out his Leather, and when the Cobler was gone
abroad, Iacke would come ouer & play such reakes,
The Finder oj Wakefield 2$
spoyling all the shoes & leather he could come neere;
which was much hinderance to the poore man, and
he knew not how to be reuenged, because he had all
his worke from thence: yet at last a crotchet came
into his head, and spying the Ape looking vpon him:
to work hee went cutting his leather, and then
whetting his knife of his whetstone, and then would
he with the backe of the knife seeme to cut his throat:
this did hee oftentimes; and out of the shop he goes,
and leaues his knife and whetstone as sharp as a razer;
which Iacke perceiuing, vp he comes to the shop of
the Cobler, and tooke the knife and whetstone, and
as the Cobler had done, so did he, till at the last he
cut his own throat. This is a pretty one, quoth George,
the Ape was well serued in his kind. I but, quoth
Cut, Smug can iest of others, but he hath forgotten
what an honest Gentleman did write of him lately.
Tell on, quoth Smug, I feare thee not: why this./
Smug the Blacksmith that loued good Ale and spice, [C2
Sold all his Tooles, and yet he kept his Vice.
The Millers Tale of the Smith and his
Sweet-heart.
TheRE was a Smith that loued a pretty Lasse
thereby, but shee did not care for him, but for
another young man, a Baker was hee that had
the possession of her heart. It fortuned that one
night, the Baker and his Sweet-heart were together
making merry, and the Smith comming by by chance
called at the window, the wench knowing his voyce,
26 The Tinder oj Wakefield
answered him, that she was in bed, Smug being foxt,
desired her but to come to the window, and shee
should but bestow a kisse on him, and hee would bee
gone: quoth the Baker, let me goe to him Sweet-heart,
and He warrant thee I will send him away; with that
he went to the window, let down his breeches and
held vp his blind cheeks, his back parts, and the poore
Smith did so smacke, as though hee had his Sweet-
hearts cheekes there. The Baker hee fisled, me thinkes,
quoth Smug, thy breath stinckes a little. The Baker
could not containe himselfe from laughter, but told
him he had eaten Onions lately, and so shut the win-
dow: the woman laughed heartily, but Smug smelling
a piece of knauery, went home vowed to bee re-
uenged, and tooke a barre of Iron, and heated it hot,
and with it ran to the window, and called to his
Sweet-heart, begging one other busse, else he should
not sleepe quietly: the Baker started vp, went to the
window as before; and the Smith prayed her to put
her cheekes so neere as she could, and the Smith put
the hot Iron to the Bakers Breech, and burned him
cruelly, that the Baker cryed out lamentably, but
thinking to bee reuenged, ran and fetcht the Chamber
pot, which wras full of pisse and other such stuffe;
thinking to through it in the Smiths face: In the meane
time came the watch by, asking what was the matter:
Smug he ran away. Who is there, quoth the Baker?
The Watch, quoth they. Quoth the Baker, harme
watch harme catch, and threw the pot on them: But
there was such a tumult, that the Baker was forced
to goe out at a backe doore, and the watch could/haue [Civ
no mends, but were faine to go home to wash them-
selues. How like you this, quoth Tom: exceeding
well, quoth George. But stay, where lyeth the fault,
truely Captaine, quoth Tom, here in this, my Neigh-
The Pinder of Wakefield 2 7
bour Iacke Bragger, that fought so manfully with a Cat
and a Broom-staffe, he feares the whipping of this Ale
Cat, because Miles did bast him for losing his other
Cat. Enough of that, quoth George, we are all friends,
giue him his bowle, and I will tell you in the meane
time a lest.
The lest of the Seruing-man.
IT is the custome of Gentlemens seruants when they
doe come to one anothers Lords houses, to haue
them downe into the Cellars, and there the healths
goe round, as ours heere does; as to this Lord, and
that Lady, this Knight, this Gentleman, that Gentle-
woman and the like. As I sayd, there was a seruingman
sent to a lords house on business, the lords seruants
had him down in the Cellar, where the healths went
stiffely round, that the poore man had his loade, at
the last, being forced to pledge them all, at last, quoth
the man, My masters and louing friends, seeing I haue
pledged you all your healths, I hope that you will
pledge mee one health. Agreed quoth all of them,
nay, I must haue all bare on your bare knees, quoth the
man, heere is a health to my Punke, thy Punke, quoth
one, thy Punke, quoth another. Pox on her, will you
not pledge her, quoth he ? speake: no quoth they, with
that he put his finger in his throate, quoth he, here
then, take your Lords and Ladies againe, and so went
reeling away. Quoth George, now let vs rise and
stretch our legges, and so to it againe to beguile the
time with some honest mirth: I would we had some
mirth to Toms Taber and Pipe. Well vp they rose, and
George called for more Cider, come, lets be merry
my fat chopt Rascals, I hope you will follow my
direction: agreed noble Captain, qd. they, come lets
euery one haue his dance, strike vp Tom, come play
2 8 The Tinder oj Wakefield
me a Lancashire horne-pipe to begin, and that will
put my liuely lads in a little heate, and so to it they
went roundly vntill they were all/aweary, and so left [C3
off after they had euery one their dance, which put
them in such a heate, that they were faine to call for
more liquor, which they plied so fast, that few of
them but had got on the fudling cap neatly, only
George a Greene had a care of the maine chance, lest
that his Souldates should mutiny. He gaue the word,
which made them all silent, and George began to
speake, Enough of this my bonny Hearts, let vs haue
a quiet Catch, and then depart: agreed noble Captaine
quoth all.
The Catch.
To the tune of, Wellcome to Towne mad Tom.
Now out and alas, how comes it to passe,
my Hosts Cat scratches shrewdly,
Now doe I know the fault, it lyeth in the Malt,
which makes his Dog bite deadly:
He hath bit me so sore, behind and before
that I must haue a plaister,
He hath bit me, and he will bite thee,
for the Cur will bite his Master.
How like you this Catch my Host, quoth they; this
was for your sake I assure you, I hope all our reckoning
is payd. I, I thanke you noble Captaine, but I pray
you stay a little, my dozen of ale is comming to
relieue the Camp withall, and here it is, come my
Ioane my black Girle, thou shalt begin to my braue
Captaine, and my fellow Souldats: that I will by my
Christendome, God willing, and heere Gentlemen to
the health of you all, and to all our friends wheresoeuer
they be.
The Pinder oj Wakefield 29
God-a-mercy Hostis quoth George, we will now
depart, and the next Munday wee will haue more of
these Iests, Catches and Songs and Riddles to make
our selues merry withall, and therefore I pray you,
be assured to bee prouided of store of them, for this
shall be the Law, he that cannot tell his tale, reade
his riddle, sing his song or Catch, shall lay/downe [C3V
his sixpence presently to be called in, and so taking
leaue of one another they all departed quietly.
How George a Greene saued a Gentleman
from hanging himselfe
TheRE dwelt neere to Wakefield, a rich old Vsurer,
that had more bagges than good almes-deedes
to the poore: this penny father had neuer a child
to leaue his land, gold, and goods and iewells to, his
nearest kin was his brothers son, a proper young
Gentleman, well educated and brought vp, yet was he
somewhat wild, which proceeded, because his Vncle
kept him in so close, and was so penurious to him,
contrary to the disposition of the young Gentleman:
yet many times when he got out, he made his Vncles
Coyne fly when he met with it hansomely. A great
while he kept himself ciuilly, perceiuing that his
Vncle could not liue long, & when he dyed hee was
sure to haue all, if hee pleased him. Which pleased
Grandsire Grey Beard very well, for he then thought
his Nephew had sowed all his wild Gates; and there-
fore he put him in trust much more than euer he did
before.
30 The Pinder oj Wakefield
It fortuned that there was a debter that owed him
two hundred pound at that present, which the old
Caitiffe knew was due at that present, and therefore
he sent his Nephew to demand it, and withall bade
him tell them for the non-payment he would take
the forfeiture of the morgage, which was foure times
as much more as the mony lent, and was his only
desire. Away went the Yongman after he had had
many faire promises from his Vncle for his well-doing,
and many threats for his ill-doing, and that hee should
neuer looke for any kindnesse from him, if hee did
once more amisse. Away, I say, went the yonker, and
came and demanded his money, which at the first was
denyed, the Yongman told them what his Vncles
minde was, and they knowing well his cruelty, payd
the money and tooke the receipt for their discharge,
and away with the money went he, and as the diuell
would haue it, for he is ready still to bring in his
instruments to seeke the ouerthrow of the good, I
meane, certaine companions/that heretofore had [C4
sought the ouerthrow of the said Yongman, by drawing
him into many inconueniences, and now knowing of
the receipt of this two hundred pound, plodded how
to get part of it, and to spend the rest, met with him,
vsing many flattering words, and much dissimulation,
although hee did as much as hee could to auoid them:
yet their Sirens tongue so bewitched him, that needs
they must goe to drinke together, and hauing got him
once in their custody, away they would not easily
depart, they being vp to the eares (as I may terme it)
they thought not to leaue him so, vntill they had him
ouer head and eares; and to spend his whole two
hundred pound, which being gone by degrees, they
left him with the prodigall Child to eat the Huskes
with the Swine, but the Prodigall Childe was in a farre
The Tinder oj Wakefield 3 1
better case, for hee had his father, an honest old man
and mercifull, that would forgiue him though he had
done amisse, vpon his submission. But this Yongman
had a cruell cut-throat Vncle, that if hee should go
to him, would vse all meanes he could to hang him,
which cast him in so deepe and dangerous a melan-
choly, that he was euen in despaire with himselfe, and
knew not what to doe. Wandring thus vp and down
in this passion, he came into a solitary wood, and
being in despaire, thought there to end his dayes, and
for the same purpose had bought him a two penny
halter, which was all that hee had left of his two
hundred pound. In this same solitary place, in this
melancholy wood, he lighted on a hollow tree, guided
as it seemeth by the hand of fate thither, thinking
there to act this tragedy. Now as good lucke would
haue it, it was George a Greenes fortune to bee neere to
the same place, hid close vnder a hedge, and knowing
him, and that hee had beene mist so long, and had
spent all his money, and durst not goe home to his
Vncle, hee gathered all his wits together of a sudden
to preuent this danger, and to saue the soule of the
Yongman: and now hee perceiuing that it was darke,
went softly vnder the Tree muffled in his Cloake, and
finding the tree hollow, for this purpose hee forthwith
stept into it, hauing writ these lines before, which
hee left in the same/tree. But first he spake them that [C4.V
the Yongman might heare him, thus hollowly:
Take heed fond youth to doe this deed,
Lest thou reape hell fire for thy meed:
Come downe, search in this hollow place,
And thou shalt finde the way to grace,
Great treasure here thou shalt finde,
For to ease thy troubled minde;
3 2 The Tinder of Wakefield
Delay not then, Oh doe not stay,
The time is short, I must away.
Hairing thus spoke, away he hastens softly,
watching the euent of his proiect. The Yongman
was much agast, hearing this voyce, and pondering
the words well. Sure, said hee, this was some good
Spirit, sent purposedly at this instant to saue me, for
his words doe intend so much. But stay, me thought
he spake of great treasure hid here, and this is a
hollow Tree: I will come here to morrow and search,
doubtlesse but some good may come of the Spirits
words: I will goe seeke my lodging for this night;
and then in the morning I will come and search: and
then Diuell or Spirit, or whatsoeuer thou art, I will
try if thy words be true or not, which if I finde to the
contrary, I will keepe my rope, and to morrow end
my tragedy.
In this resolution he wandred vp and downe; and
George watching him, did ouertake him, asking him,
How doe you Sir: I thanke you Sir, quoth the Gentle-
man, so, so. But pray you Sir, what newes in Wakefield.
Quoth George, truely for your Vncle keepeth a heauy
life for you, for hee heard that you haue receiued all
your money, and spent it. With that the Yongman
told him all from the beginning to the end, asking his
aduice wrhat to doe, withall telling him his resolution,
how hee meant to haue hanged himselfe, and how a
o 7
Spirit appeared and related vnto him the words that
he spoke to him. Quoth George, truely you shall goe
along with me to night, and to morrow you shall goe
search, and in/the meane time I will make meanes [Di
to your Vncle for you, and so the yongman was
content, & away together they went, George thinking
with himselfe that it was nothing but the note of good
The Tinder oj Wakefield 3 3
counsell that he should find there, but mark, there
was greater matters than the note in the same place,
though vnknowne to them both, well in the morning
early went the youngman to the wood, and searching
there narrowly, and there found the note first, sure,
quoth hee, this is not all, I will search further: and
digging the earth a little away, met with a great pot,
and in the pot a great deale of Gold and Siluer, which
made him amazed: to tarry there long, hee thought it
not fit, but to remooue the pot away, hee thought
good, studdying thus with himselfe hee drew his Pen
and Inke-horne out, and writ these lines, and wrapt
it about the halter, and there left it, in stead of the
pot of money.
Thank Heauen for this thy goodly deede
That comfort sends in time of neede,
Oh mortall man, doe not mistrust,
For God in promise he is iust:
Despaire not then in any case,
But euer call to God for grace.
Away foule Fiend, I thee deny,
Heere take the rope, I it defie.
And so away he goes cheerely with his pot of money,
and hauing found out a Cane, into it he went, and
thought better to hide it for a while, there only took
two hundred pound to pay his Vncle, and home he
hasts to his Vncle, not reuealing what had past and
what had befalne him, his Vncle seeing him, was ready
to runne at him to kill him with his Dudgeon Dagger.
I pray you Vncle, quoth hee, heare mee speake, and
I will giue you satisfaction; heere is your money, what
can you haue more? to a very penny, what I did, was
but to try your patience, but I hope here is satisfaction;
34 The finder oj Wakefield
and so powred downe the money, which the old
Caitiffe seeing/was so ouerioyed ran presently and [Di
imbraced him, saying, now I see thou art my good
Nephew indeed, and thou shalt finde it, Goe fetch
me the Scriuener presently: which being come, hee
made a Deed of gift of all that euer hee had to his
Nephew. But how this Gold came into the hollow
tree, the sequell sheweth, it was his Vncle hid it
there, who within a while after went to this hollow
tree to visit his God, his Gold, and finding none there
but a halter and a note, read the note, thought that
it was left a purpose for him to hang himselfe withall,
vp the tree he got, and spoke these words;
Come fa tall Cord, and be my death,
My Gold being gone come stop my breath.
And so putting the rope about his necke most
desperately hung himselfe, and being found after, and
newes brought to his Nephew, he seized vpon all his
Vncle had, and bestowed a funeral of his Vncle, all
men being glad that such a deale of wealth should fall
into so kind a Gentlemans hands, that would doe good
with it, whereas the other would do nothing at all
with it. The Gentleman euer after became a good
husband, doing many good deeds of hospitallity, kept
an open house for the poore neighbours, and re-
membring George a Greenes kindesse, sent for him, who
confessed vnto him that it was hee that spoke to him
in the hollow tree, which hee knowing, imbraced
him louingly, bestowing vpon him a faire house and
lands also belonging to the same, and euer after rested
a louing and kinde friend to him at all times, thus
you may see what strange matters it pleaseth God to
bring to passe, and by extraordinary strange meanes.
The Pinder oj Wakefield 3 £
A pretty lest that George a Greene serued a
Sumner or Petty-fogging Parater.
TheRE dwelt in the Towne of Wakefield a trouble-
some Knaue, that vpon the least occasion would
haue his good Neighbors vp in the Spirituall
and other Courts, which bred much trouble and
caused the spending of much money, all which made
him so hated of all, especially George a Greene,J which [D2
vowed to be reuenged on him, and after this manner
he did it. In the time of Lent he did inuite all his
Neighbors to a great feast of flesh, with all his
Soldates; and amongst the rest, this knaue was one,
who came to spye whether hee could picke a hole in
any of their coates, as the old terme is. All the guests
being come together, George entertaines them all
kindly, bids them welcome, places them, and to the
the victuals, which was the best meat and fish that
could bee got for mony, they wanted not for good
drinke. But this villaine for the curtesie shewed him
by honest George, was spyed to conuey some of the
bones of the meat into a Handkercher into his pocket ;
which being noted by one that sate next him, that
knew he did it for an ill intent, told George thereof.
Let me alone, quoth George, I will fit him a penny
worth I warrant you: and so speaking to his Soldates,
charging them all to ply the Knaue with drinke. Well,
dinner being ended, vp they rose, and to the fire they
went: Come nye honest friends you are all welcome,
sit down, and we will be merry, I hope you will stay
a few houres with me to passe the time. Come, let
vs haue a health goe round, and here to begin, here
is to you all: and all gaue him thankes, thus the liquor
tossed to and fro, euery one plying the Parator still,
that he began to talke of matters of State and the like,
3 6 The Tinder of Wakefield
aboue his reach. Come let vs haue a Catch or two to
helpe vs down with our liquor. Come Tom, strike vp
thy Taber, you are neuer without a Treble Violl my
good Neighbour Iobson, I pray you let vs haue a
straine or two, whiles I and my Mates sing. What
Neighbour Medle, you are not merry, speaking to the
Para tor, giue him a bowle of Wine heere; and let vs
sing the while.
The Catch.
Of all the Birds that euer I see,
The Owle is the fairest in her degree,
For all the day long shee sits in a Tree,
And when night comes away flies shee.
To whit to whooe,/
To whom drinke you,
Sir Knaue to you.
/This Song was well sung, I make a great vow,
And he is a Knaue that drinketh now,
he drinks
Now, now, now, now, now, now,
And he is a Knaue that drinketh now.
Well sung my bonny hearts, quoth George, let euery
one haue his cup; which was done, and to another
new Catch they all began a new health.
Heigh hoe Knaue canst thou
Knit a knot in the Cup, in the Cup knit a knot,
Knot knit in the Cup Knaue canst thou.
Brauely done my Lads, let this goe round to euery
one, and we will haue one more Catch while it is hot.
Three Geese in a pudle, Gigle gagle, gigle gagle,
Three Puddings in a ladle, Wible wable, wible
wable.
Thus did they spend the time, and the drinke went
The Tinder of Wakefield 3 7
brauely downe: But my Gaffer Medle had his Cups to
the full, that he was forced to goe sleepe: and George
had then his desire, for before all his good Neighbours,
hee pulled the flesh bones out of his pocket, and instead
thereof put the fish bones, knowing his knauish intent,
and so prayed his Neighbours, that if he were called
in question whether he had flesh or no, that they
should deny it, and they should see a good iest, they
all consented; and so taking leaue of George, thanking
him for his kindnesse and good cheere, they all de-
parted home; my Gaffer Medle and all: but in the
morning he hyed him to the Justice, and there made
such an oration against George, certifying him what a
deale of flesh George had drest against the Law. The
Justice could doe no lesse but grant a Warrant for
him, which was serued vpon him: and George got his
Neighbours and went presently; the Justice began to
check George for his dressing of flesh in Lent: George
denyed it, so did all his Neighbours; but Medle hee
auouched it to bee/truth, and he did eat thereof [D3
himselfe, and to bee sure that it is true that I haue
said: see Sir, here be the bones of some of it that I
saued to testifie the truth, and so he drew forth his
Handkercher, and there was none but the fish bones;
but Medle looked so blanke as could be. Why, how
now, quoth the Justice, these be fish bones. Truly
Sir, quoth George, my Neighbours know we had none
but fish, but Medle was so disguised in drink, that he
did take the fish for flesh: so it seemeth, quoth the
Justice; and said, Sirrah Medle, you are a medling
Knaue, cannot you be content to fare well at your
Neighbors house, but presently you must cry rost-
meat, here is witnesse enough, that you were drunke,
lay downe fiue shillings for the poore, and twenty
shillings for eating flesh this Lent, according to your
38 The Tinder oj Wakefield
own confession: so presently laying down his money,
away went Medle with a flee in his eare. The Justice
called George to him, and rounded him in the eare;
saying, you are a wagge; but I pray when you haue
flesh another time, keepe such knaues as these out of
your house: so George thanking him for his curtesie
went away: But Me die euer after that was called by the
name of Fish-bone, and George a Greene much loued for
this pretty Pranke.
How George serued a great Lyer neere to
Wakefield in his kinde.
TheRE dwelt neere to Wakefield a man, that looke
what company so euer hee came in, would tell
the notablest lyes, impossible to be beleeued. It
chanced this man to bee in the Company of George
and his associates, and amongst other talke, hee began
to tell what a great Traueler hee had beene; Why,
how farre, quoth George. Why so farre, that I did
driue a tenne penny Nayle in the Skye. Why, quoth
one, that is a lye. I thinke so, saith another. Quoth
George, I say it is no lye, I doe assure you it is a true
tale: for I was on the other side and clencht that nayle.
Judge you I pray you, did not he go beyond him in
his trauels, as also in/his lye. But, quoth George, what [D3V
haue you seen in your great trauels? What, saith he,
why I haue seene such huge Cabages in Russia, that
a hundred men and horses might haue walkt vnder-
neath dry in a showre of raine. Whew, quoth one,
here is a great lye indeed. I pray you be content,
quoth George, for I will tell you as strange a thing, but
The Tinder oj Wakefield 39
it may be, that you will say it is a lye: I haue seen such a
huge Caldron made, that there was an hundred men at
worke theron; and those that were on worke driuing
in of the Nayles of one side, could not heare them on
the other, and when they would speake or call to
one another, they had a Trumpeter, which should
blow at that time his Trumpet. Oh strange, quoth
one; oh strange, quoth another. I pray you quoth the
Traueler, what was that Caldron made for: Why
truely Sir, quoth George, it was made onely to boyle
your Cabage. Whereat the company fell greatly a
laughing, and the man was so abasht, that he knew
not what to doe. But euer after this my Traueler
would take heed how that he told a lye in George his
company.
How George rimed with a Gentleman.
TheRE was a Gentleman named Master Glister,
that vsed to be oft in George his company: Vpon
a time being together, and not knowing how to
passe the time, said, what shall wee doe? why, let vs
goe rime: agreed, quoth George, begin you first.
I lohn Glister lay with thy Sister.
But that is not true, quoth George,
0 but it is rime, quoth Master Glister.
Well, quoth George, I must rime now. I that you
must and therefore begin.
1 George Greene lay with thy Wife.
But that is not rime, quoth Master Glister.
I but it is true, quoth George.j
The people hearing this sudden riming, and crosse [D4
and witty answer, made them laugh heartily.
4-o The Pinder oj Wakefield
How George shewed a pretty Christmas
Gamboll vpon a foolish fellow in the
Christmas time.
TheRE was no merriment whatsoeuer thorow the
whole yeere, but still George had a hand in it: as
it fortuned that the Gentleman, George his friend,
Nephew to the Vsurer, keeping such great
merriment and open house, that all Neighbours there-
aboute resorted thither to make merry: George willing
to shew some sport, among the rest, got all his
Comrades about him: willing them whatsoeuer he did,
to say nothing at all. For, saith hee, there is a fellow
here at this time, on whom my mirth must be shewed;
and so he goeth into the Kitchin, getteth grease and
soote, wherewith he did so begrime his hands
mightily, and standing all in a ring round, George
began and said, my masters and friends, you must all
sing as I sing, and doe as I doe each to other: therefore
marke the Song.
It was the Fryer of Frickingham,
And his Bow bent, and his Bow bent:
And wee be all Brothers, "^ T .
And by the nose take each others: f
And what you see nothing say,
Thus the Fryers they doe play,
And wee be all Brothers,
And by the cheeke take each others,
And what you see nothing say,
Thus the Fryers they doe play,
And wee bee all Brothers, &c.
Euery one singing and doing as George did, vntill they
had toucht all the parts of the face: but hee that was
next George, was so begrim'd, that he lookt like a
yong diuell of two yeere old with the grease and the
The finder oj Wakefield 41
tallow, that there was such a laughter amongst them
all, to see the fellow in that/case, and he laughed as [D4.V
much, not knowing what they laughed at: but at last
they brought him a Looking-glasse, which when he
saw his black face, he was somewhat angry, but the
company were extraordinary merry at this lest of
George a Greene.
How George serued one that got his Purse.
IN the time of Lent your Players doe range all the
Countries from place to place: and comming to
Wakefield, they had great audience euery day. George
amongst the rest would needes bee one; but it chanced
when he came from the Play, and going to Bankes house
to drinke with some associates, looking for his Purse,
it was gone, which put him in a pelting chafe. Well,
hee brooked it so well as he could vntill next day,
hammering in his head, now to take the theefe, at
last an odde conceit came in his head, he got a many
fishhooks and sowed them full in his pockets, the
beards downeward, that it was no hurt to trust downe
ones hand, but to get out impossible, without great
tearing of the hand to peeces: then hee gets many
Counters and puts them in his pocket also, and to the
Play he goes amongst the greatest crowd, still iustling
& gingling his pocket to draw the fish to the bait:
George seemed to affect the Play very well, and care-
lesse of his pockets still gingling of the Counters,
which being noted by a notable nimmer, hee was
quickly in George his pocket: which he perceiuing,
wrings his body on one side then on the other. Oh,
quoth the Cutpurse, thinking to draw out his hand,
42 The Tinder oj Wakefield
but alacke hee was fast enough. George being in the
crowd would not take any notice that he had caught,
but still wrested his body from place to place vntill
all the hookes had got hold; which made the Cutpurse
cry out vehemently, that all about him wondred what
he ayled, at last George seemed to take notice; saying,
what the Diuell aylest thou, art thou mad. Oh my
hand, my hand, good Master, quoth the Cutpurse;
what the Diuell doth thy hand in my pocket? quoth
George, pull it out or I will so baste you, and so he was
as good as his word, for he pummelled him soundly:
the theefe/cryed, George stroue to goe out of doores, [Ei
the Players stood still, all the Audience bent their
eyes that way, people about them wondred to see
the mans hand in George his pocket, and could not pull
it out, euery one said George was a coniurer, some
said he had a Diuell in his pocket, some one thing,
some another thing: but George he got out of the house,
the man of force must needs follow, crying out still
with his hand in his pocket. People thronged after
to see this new Comedy, and so forsooke the other
Play, the Players being left alone, they followed also.
But George perceiuing such a multitude stood still,
and desired them to make a stand for a while, and
they should all see him release him presently: With
that the people all stood still, and George walkt along
with his prize, certifying him hee had lost a purse
the day before, and some forty shillings and odde in
it, and he knew hee had it, or that he knew that some
of his fellowes had it: and therefore willed him without
any more trouble to deliuer it, or else hee would
haue him hang'd, and should also walke so before the
Iustice with your hand in my pocket: you fared so
well yesterday that made you bee so ready in the same
place to day. Come, come, quoth George, you must
The Pinder oj Wakefield 43
re-deliuer, or goe. The Cutpurse seeing that there
was no remedy, and sich a multitude of people about
him, also perceiuing George to be much beloued,
prayed him for Gods sake to forgiue him, and not to
let the people to wrong him, and hee would giue him
all that he had, and that was a purse with hue pounds
odde mony in it: which George taking and making him
to sweare also to forsake his trade; tooke a knife and
cut out his pocket, for there was no other way to
release him: and then tooke his girdle and did so
bebaste him; crying, runne, runne, you Rogue, the
fellow being at liberty, ranne so fast, that none could
ouertake him, and so escaped. The people all did
wonder what the matter should bee, but knew not
any thing. All flocked about George, but hee hasted to
Bankes his house, where hee told all the passages to
his friends: some were mad that he let the Cutpurse
goe, because they had lost their purses. Nay, it is
no matter, quoth George, you laught at/mee because [Eiv
I had lost mine. Come, giues a little drinke, quoth
George, where he spent an Angell of his money for ioy
amongst his friends, which reioyced them much,
euery one praised George for his wit, especially for
this of the fishookes, to catch those that sought to
catch, euery one commended him for it, both old
and yong: and to this day it is remembred there to
his praise.
A ready witty answer a Maid gaue
George a Greene.
GEORGE was alwaies ready to take any occasion
to moue mirth. A Maid was a washing by the
Riuer side: you haue a handsome legge Sweet-
44 The Finder of Wakefield
heart, quoth George, I haue a couple Sir, quoth the
Maid. I think they are twins, quoth George; no indeed
Sir you are much decerned, for there hath been a man
borne betwixt them: God-a-mercy Sweetheart, quoth
George, here is somewhat for thy witty answer, and
gaue her a shilling.
Of a great robery like to be done neere
vnto Wakefield, and how George tooke the
Theeues.
NEERE vnto Wakefield there dwelt a Gentleman,
that had great skill in setting in of bones out
of ioynt, who was very rich, and dwelt in a great
house farre from any other Neighbours: which
being perceiued by a company of yonger brothers, they
laid a plot how to rob him, after this manner. One
of them should take on him to be lame, and the rest
should be as his seruants, for by that meanes they
knew they should haue accesse vnto him; and to
further their purpose, they made one of the Gentle-
mans seruants a party therein, promising him great
rewards to bee priuate; which hee did yeeld vnto, but
considering after with himselfe, what an honest
Gentleman and good Master he had been vnto him,
hee thought good to reueale it after this manner,
dropt a piece of paper in his Masters Chamber, thus
written:
There are a crue of Theeues
within this twenty mile,/
That meane to rob your worship [E2
within this little while;
These Theeues are pleasant Gentlemen,
and say they will not spare,
The Pinder oj Wakefield 4.5
Your Chests and Trunkes ope to breake,
and so your gold they'l share;
A warning faire I doe you giue,
if warning you will take,
A friend I am you shall mee know,
that doe this for your sake.
These lines found and shewed to the Gentleman,
hee wondred much at it, but knowing diuers such
attempts had beene made to rob him, thought good
to preuent the danger, and to be prouided of lusty
fellowes about him: And hauing heard and knowne
the manlinesse of George and his Companions, sent for
him, and broke his minde to him, and shewed him the
note. Quoth George, let me alone, I and my Souldates
will take them I warrant you. But I pray you doe not
discouer them, or make it knowne vntill they haue
bound you or some of your folkes, for wee will be
all ready about you to take them. I will reward you
well, quoth the Gentleman. George hee got all his
Souldates, furnished them with weapons, in the meane
time the seruant that writ the lines, did discouer all
the plot, how and what night and in what manner
they would come to rob him, as you shall heare
hereafter. Which being told to George, he accordingly
fitted himselfe and his Companions, to resist and to
take them. The night being come, in which they
thought to doe this great robbery. George was ready
with his Companions, some within and some without,
with mastiue doggs to take them, that none should
escape, aduising the fellow to obserue all things that
he had promised the theeues to doe; which was when
they had some of them with the supposed Gentleman,
seized on the fore doores, to let the rest in at the
backe doore. Wee, all things being in a readinesse,
46 The Tinder oj Wakefield
waited their comming. By and by came a Gentleman
on horseback with two men, and a Page waiting on
him at the edge of the eue/ning and knockt at the gate, [E2v
the seruants opening the doore, askt what they would
haue, answer was made by the lame Gentleman, that
hee would speake with the Master of the house who
readily came to him: after some curtesies past betwixt
them, the Gentleman began to tell him that hee had
broke his leg, or it was out of ioynt; and hearing of
his great skill, hee was come to him for helpe, and
hee would reward him extraordinary: The Gentleman
of the house bad him welcome, and so betwixt his
seruants, hee was carried into the house and placed
in a faire chaire, he making such anticke faces as though
he had been in great paine. Quoth the Gentleman of
the house, I warrant you sir, I will giue you ease anon:
so calls for a bowle of Wine, dranke to the Gentleman;
his two men standing bare vnto him, as though he
had been some great Lord, for so they gaue out he
was. When they had sate a while, the Gentleman of
the house called for supper: the Gentleman desired
to be drest: Nay stay, Sir, you shall take your lodging
here to night: For this is my manner to doe so to
such Gentlemen as you are.
Supper was set on the Table, where there was fare
and wine and Beere fit for an Emperour. Quoth the
lame Gentleman, you keepe a good house Sir, you
are very bountifull: Truely Sir, quoth hee, I haue no
great charge, and what should I doe, quoth the
Gentleman: I would we had many more of your
bounteous mind. Thus in the midst of their supper,
and midst of their conference, were all the rest of
the confederates at the backe doore: the watch-word
was one cryed like a Cat, and scrapt on the doore:
Which the Gentlemans seruant of the house knowing,
The Tinder oj Wakefield 47
opened the doore and let them into the Hall with
their swords drawne, and their vizards on their faces;
crying, money, money, money. Quoth the Gentleman
of the house, what meaneth this? Why, I will tell you
in briefe Sir, I am not lame as you take me to bee;
but as sound as you are, only in the purse; and that
is it these Gentlemen and I doe lacke, and you can
remedy it; therefore delay not, for it is in vaine to
resist: there shall no violence be done to you, onely
this, wee will bind you and your men,/which was [E3
done presently, and then they began to search and
breake open Chests: but then George and those of his
associats that were within the house, came with
their Muskets, onely laden with powder and no shot,
discharged in the room amongst them; which made the
theeues all amazed, striuing to runne away, which
some of them did, but George and his Soldates drawing
their swords, layd about them so manfully; crying, I
pray you my masters, let vs share a little with you;
so they tooke all sauing three or foure of them, which
no sooner were got out, but thought themselues safe,
but it fell out otherwise, for those that watcht
without let goe the mastiue doggs, which run after
them, seized vpon them, and so tooke them all,
brought them into the house: George commanded
them to pull off their vizzards, which being done, he
knew most of them. Quoth George, come let vs binde
them all, I will haue them all hang'd. With that they
fell all vpon their knees, begging mercy at George and
the Gentlemans hands, shewing their pouerty, vowing
neuer to doe the like, praying them to saue their
liues; which with much intreaty, at last they pardoned,
after George had sworne them neuer to doe the like
to any Gentleman. Away they sent them, some cut
pittifully, some bang'd soundly, and the other bitten
48 The Tinder oj Wakefield
with the doggs; but some of them comming to their
meanes afterward, rewarded George very kindly for
his curtesies, and the Gentleman gaue George and his
Companions ten pounds amongst them, to make merry
with all, and they would purchase no lands therewith,
but away they hastned to my Host Bankes, where some
of their money walked.
George his lest of a Puritan Barber.
GEORGE and his Companions being met together
to bee merry, one of them chanced to sneeze,
quoth some of the Company, Christ help you:
it chanced at that time there was a Puritan Taylor
amongst them, & told them they spok vainly, but if
you would needs say so, you should haue said so
before he had sneezed. Saist thou so, quoth George.
Within a little while after, o I sneeze, I sneeze, quoth
George; Christ helpe you, with that George rapt out
a great fart, but the Taylor for anger went out of the
company./
George his resolution to a question of a rj^v
Neighbor.
TheRE dwelt neere to George a Greene an honest
simple fellow, whose hose the Rats had eaten
shrewdly; and meeting with George, say's he, Oh
Neighbour, I pray you tel me one thing; Is it not
an euill signe or token of some mischance to befall
mee, because the Rats haue eaten my hose. George
The Tinder oj Wakefield 49
noting his ignorance, answered him and told him;
Oh Neighbour, the Rat did but his kind in eating your
hose, but if that your hose had eaten the Rat, then
assuredly it had been a fore-token of some great euill,
not onely to befall you, but also of all the whole
Country. I thanke you Neighbor, quoth the poore
man, I will remember this another time.
George his lest of his Lawyer.
GEORGE hauing some occasion of businesse in
London in the Law, and being put off from time
and Tearme to Tearme, by his Lawyer: It for-
tuned that one of George his Neighbours, hauing some
businesse with the said Lawyer, he askt him how his
Neighbour George a Greenes businesse went. Quoth
the Lawyer, it is remoued to the Kings Bench; This
Neighbour meeting with George, told him; oh neigh-
bour, I am sorry to heare this newes. What is the
matter, quoth George? Why, quoth the man, your
businesse is remoued to the Kings Bench. Quoth
George, let them remoue it to the diuell, I will haue
a Lawyer to follow it.
ANOTheR time as George was walking down in the
Old Bailj in London, a Gentleman askt him the
way to Newgate. Quoth George, truely Sir the way I doe
not well know, but if you will but cut a purse, or
pick a pocket, I warrant you shall find the ready way.
£0 The finder oj Wakefield
Another.
GEORGE hauing businesse in the Chancery, and his
businesse going reasonable well on his side: My
Lord told him hee should haue an order; and thus
from time to time a/great while he was put off order [E4
by order still: well thought George, I hope to haue such
an order, that shall beget no more orders. Well,
George his businesse being called vpon, George was very
importunate. Why quoth my Lord, thou shalt haue
an order, honest fellow. If I must needs haue another
order, let mee haue a gelded order good my Lord.
A gelded order, quoth he, what dost thou meane by
that? Why quoth George, that may not beget more
orders, for I haue had thirty two orders already, and
I would willingly haue no more; with that my Lord
laughed heartily, so did all the rest of the Bench; and
George by this conceipt had an end of his businesse.
Another.
VPON a time George had businesse in Guild Hall
before the Recorder of London, which was one
Master Fleetwood, who was a merry conceited Gentle-
man; George hauing somewhat a high colour, and
Master Fleetwood thinking to put a tricke on him,
called vnto him; saying, you with the Copper nose,
come hither, what is your businesse? Quoth George,
truely Sir I would bee loth to change my Copper nose
for your Brazen Face.
PART 11
3
I
The
SECOND PART
OF
George aGreene:
Containing the great Fight between
him and Robin Hood> and afterwards of his
liuicg with him in the woods- full of merry
lefts, Tales, Songs, and Catches.
How the Kendall men and Halifax men, according to pro*
inife, came to pJay their Prize with (j forge and his Corn.
panions*
YOU haue heard before of the great fray that
was before betixt the Kendall and Hallijax men,
and George and his Soldates, and of the challenge
they made against George to bee plaid on Midsummer
day following, according to their promise, they were
eight to eight. George hearing of their comming, was
wondrous glad, bidding them welcome with a dozen
or two of Ale. In the morning, as the order is, the
Drumms and Colours went vp and down the streets,
which made such a great concourse of people: The
weapons were brought and throwne downe, George
and his Companions on the one side, and the Hallijax
and the Kendall on the other side; and to/it they went: [Fi
George he began with a lusty Kendall man at Back-
Sword, but he did so cut him both on the leggs and
the head, that all the company cryed Wakefield,
£4 The Tinder oj Wakefield
Wakefield hath got the Prize. Stitch the Taylor was the
next at the Cudgels, to whom came a lusty Hallijax
man, but Stitch was so nimble, that he broke the head
of the Hallijax man at the second bout, that he could
not play the third. Then came Tom the Taberer, he
tooke vp the Quarter-staffe, against whom a Kendall
man came, at which they both played stiffely two
bouts, that one could hardly tell which would get
the better, but at the last bout Tom gaue him such a
knock o' the costard that downe came the poore
Kendall man. Then out steps Smug, to whom came an
Hallijax man, and to Sword and Buckler they went
close, but Smug did couer himselfe with his Buckler,
being a little man, that the Hallijax man swore he
could see no part on him, but one of his great toes,
the which he gaue a wipe at; but Smug in the meane
time gaue him such a cut from the eare to the cheeke,
that they were forced to giue ouer before they had
played out their three bouts. Then staps in Miles the
Miller, against whom came a Kendall man, and to the
Halbert they went, and the first and second bout was
played well on both sides, but at the third bout Miles
hefft the Kendall mans Halbert out of his hands,
and with the but end of his owne threw him cleane
off the Stage; that there was a great shout among all
the people. Then out comes Cuthbert the Cobler,
against whom came an Hallijax man, and the Fawlchion
were then throwne out for them, whereat they had
a ciuill bout or two, whereon both sides had sound
knocks, but at the third bout Cut being somewhat
angry receiued a knocke of his left hand, but with
his Fawlchion on the right hand he claue the Hallijax
mans head that downe he fell for dead. The last
weapon to be plaid was the Sword and Buckler, and
then stept out my Host Bankes, for at that he was
The Tinder oj Wakefield ££
expert, and a Kendall man out to him, at which they
both parted at reasonable termes the first bout, at
the second the Kendall man cut my Host a little cut
in the legge, which made him so mad, that at the
third bout he fol/lowed on so close, that he cut the [Fiv
Kendall man all the side of the head and his right eare
off; whereat all the people did shout, and crying,
Wakefield hath got the Prize. Then out steps George a
Greene, whereat all the people were hush'd, and
challenged both Kendal and Hallijax men, if they
durst to answer him at any of these weapons that
were played before or any other. None a great while
durst stirre, at the last, quoth a Kendall man, it shall
neuer bee said that I was here, and durst not haue
one bout or two: Choose thy weapons, quoth George.
That I will, quoth he, and that is the Pitch-forke, that
daily I handle. So doe not I, quoth George, but come,
let vs to it: But George at the first bout striking his
Pitch-forke aside, got so neere to him, that he ran
him into the forehead, whereat the people shouted,
telling him George had made a paire of holes for his
homes. The second bout George ran him into the
arme. And at the third bout George ayming at his
eye, whips with his left hand the others Pitch-fork
away and ran him into the thigh, and presently
turning himselfe round, the Kendall man made a thrust
at him, when his backe was toward him, which George
feeling it smart, got a little within him, and strooke
vp his heeles, and fell iust on him, with that the people
gaue a great shout, and Drums did beat, the Trumpets
did sound, and the Masters of Defence, gaue the
Prize to the Wakefield Townesmen. Then all cryed
Wakefield, Wakefield.
Then George againe stept out, asking if there were
any that durst challenge him or any of his Soldates,
S6
The Pinder oj Wakefield
at any weapons or any of the liberall Sciences, they
were ready to answer them. None durst stirre,
whereat the people cryed, Saint George for England,
and George a Greene for Wakefield, and so the gamesters
departed, but the Townesmen of Wakefield and other
Kendall and Hallijax men, fell one against the other to
the Cudgels, where there was braue knocking of each
side, that the like was neuer before seen in Wakefield.
But the gamesters they went to my Host Banks where
kindly imbracing one another, the Kendall and
Hallijax men confesse they had the worst of the day,
and so they that were/hurt were drest, and to drinking [F2
they went merrily: for the Towne of Wakefield had
giuen George for this braue Prize, by them so well
performed, twenty Markes, which George vowed
should all be spent betwixt them, before the Kendall
and Hallijax men should depart,
A good supper being timely prouided for them, all
to it they wrent roundly, and after supper all things
taken away; Quoth George, my Masters when wee
were here last wee had many pretty Iests told, and
then I prayed you to be prouided of some more
against another time: Come to beguile the time a
little, lets euery one haue his lest and a Catch or two,
and so we will to bed. Agreed, quoth euery one,
Captaine you shall begin: Well, quoth George, I will,
and therfore silence.
George his lest of a Foole.
TheRE was a Gentleman dwelling not farre from
this place that kept a Iester that was more
Knaue than foole; this fellow comming into the
Market-place, & seeing a Countrey woman a selling
of Woodcocks. Quoth he to her, what been these
The Tinder oj Wakefield 57
woman. Why these been Woodcocks. Woodcocks,
quoth hee, where had you them? Why, quoth shee,
wee had them for the catching. For the catching,
quoth he, may any one haue them for the catching?
I quoth the woman, you or any may haue them for the
catching: With that he snatcheth them away from the
woman, and ran away with them, and the poore
woman after him: The Clowne being stopt at last,
people desired to know what was the matter, the
Foole told them all what the woman had told him,
that he or any might haue them for the catching:
they all laughed heartily, and gaue the woman her
Woodcocks againe.
Another.
A COUPLE of fellowes being brought to Newgate,
the one had stolne a Watch, the other a Mare,
and lying in two seuerall beds, say's he that had stolne
the Mare, I pray you mate what is it a clocke by your
Watch: Truely mate, quoth/hee, that had stolen the [F2v
Watch, it is almost time to water your Mare.
Another.
A NOTABLE Cutpurse being brought to Newgate,
and being seene there by one of his Comrades:
quoth he, lack what a murrain, how comest thou
there? Faith Will, quoth the other, any blinde man
might haue come as easily as I here, for I was led here.
Another.
A LADY dancing with one of her Gentlewomen,
was very angry with her, because she did not
dance, as shee said, the right way; the Gentlewoman
5*
The Tinder of Wakefield
shee did dance it the right way: the Lady said no,
and gaue her a box on the eare, and asked the Musition
which of them danct it the right way? Quoth the
Musition, I haue seeneit danced, and shal't please you as
you doe dance it, and I haue seene it danced as your
Gentlewoman doth dance it, but I haue neuer seene
it danced with a box on the eare before; whereat the
Lady laught heartily.
Another.
A GENTLEWOMAN comming to a Fryer to
confession, shee confest many things vnto him,
and had her absolution. Quoth the Fryer, is there
any other thing that troubles you? shee seemed to
say no: Quoth the Fryer, your absolution is not
worth a Rush, vnlesse you confesse all. Why quoth
shee, this child I now haue is none of my owne
husbands, absolue me of this and I will giue you any
thing: I cannot, quoth the Fryer, vnlesse you con-
fesse it to your husband: oh I dare not, quoth shee.
Well, quoth the Fryer, take my aduice: When you
are a bed with your husband make the child cry much,
and at last perswade him to rise and cry like a bul-
begger, and when he doth so, doe you say away
Bul-begger it is none of your child, and then assure
your selfe I will absolue you: she thankt him; and at
night when her husband and she/were in bed with [F3
the child together, she made the child to cry ex-
ceedingly, that the Gentleman was so troubled, that
hee could not take any rest. Good husband, quoth
shee, if you would but rise and cry Boe, the child
would be quiet presently; with that vp got the
Gentleman, and stood in his shirt, and cryed Boe, Boe.
Away Bul-begger, quoth the Gentlewoman, it is none
The finder oj Wakefield 59
of your child, away I say, and then left off pinching
the child, the child was presently still and quiet,
and her husband came to bed againe. This was a
pretty tricke, quoth her husband: So it is, quoth the
Gentlewoman; and thus was this Gentlewoman
absolued by the Fryer, and the Fryer liberally
rewarded.
Another.
A YOUNG Gentleman being in a Tauerne a drinking
amongst some of his friends, espied one of his
Tenants, to come by at the same instant, an old man
that was deafe. Quoth the Gentleman, you shall see
what a pretty lest I will put on yonder old man my
Tenant. With that hee beckned vnto him, and the
old man came to him presently. Quoth the Landlord,
here old man, I will drinke to you, and to all the
Whores, Bawdes, Rogues and Cutpurses, in the whole
Kingdome. The poo re man put off his hat and made
a great legge, saying, thinking hee had drunke to him
and all his friends: I doe thanke your good worship,
and I pray you remember your Father, your Mother,
your Brothers and Sisters, and all the whole generation
of you. Whereat all the Gentlemen laughed heartily;
saying to the Gentleman, you haue put a pretty tricke
vpon your selfe assuredly, but the poore man was
abasht, not knowing what they laughed at.
Another.
A PRE A CHeR being in the middest of his Sermon,
most of the Parishioners being asleepe. There
was a Maid at the same time had a Childe in her amies,
which cryed mightily, and the Maid could not still it.
60 The Tinder of Wakefield
Away Maid,/quoth the Preacher, take the childe, and [F3v
carry it home, and let it not waken the Church-
wardens and the Masters of the Parish, but let them
sleepe in quietnesse: with that they rouzed them-
selues. Quoth the Minister, I wonder you doe not
bring your pillowes, and put vnder your heads, when
you come to Church, but knock your heads against
your Pewes, as though you had no mercy of your
selues.
Another.
TheRE was a Schoolmaster in Wakefield, that had
taught his Scholars H non est litera; that is, H is
no letter, and bade them remember it well. The
Schoolmaster hauing bought some puddings, giues a
couple of them to an vnhappy wagge, and bids him
go heat these Puddings, the boy when he had heated
them did eat them. Well, his master called for the
Puddings. Why, quoth the boy, I haue eaten them
as you bade me. You Crack-rope, quoth the Master,
did not I bid you heat them, and you haue eaten them.
Oh Master, did not you teach me that H is no letter,
therfore I thought I should eat them. The Master
noting the quick wit of the boy, forgaue him, and
fetcht two more Puddings, and bade him here sirrah,
I pray you let me see whether you can heat these two
with an H.
What, quoth George, hath all the Iests gone round?
yea, said euery one, why that is very well, quoth
George; I doe assure you they were pretty ones. Come
my Host Bankes, I wonder you drinke not to vs, wee
haue deserued it out of our Iests. I that I will Captaine,
quoth my Host, here is a couple of dosens a comming.
That's well, come I will pledge you, and then here is
The Tinder oj Wakefield 61
to my honest Country-men Kendall and Hallijax men;
they thanked him kindly for his curtesie, and thus
to it they stucke, till they had whitled themselues
soundly. One Catch, quoth George, would doe well
to draw downe our liquor. Agreed Captaine, quoth
Tom, one significant to your owne name./
Greene leaues growes on a Tree,
Greene leaues growes greene a;
Ten and nine, eight and seuen,
Sixe and hue, sing foure and three,
Greene leaues growes on a Tree,
Greene leaues growes greene a.
Brauely done my liuely lads, come drinke, drinke, and
let vs haue the other Catch.
The Hart loues the high Wood,
the Hare loues the hill,
The Knight loues his bright sword,
the Churle loues his Bill.
Come Tom, neuer a merry song in thy Budget,
come I pray thee. Yes that I haue, Captaine; and
therefore tell me will you haue a merry one or not?
1 by all meanes, quoth George.
The Song.
1 met with my true Loue downe in the dale,
She brought apples and I brought Ale,
And cannot you sing browne berry browne berry,
And cannot you sing browne berry.
1 met with my true Loue down in the seggs,
Shee brought butter, and I brought eggs,
And cannot you sing, vt supra, &c.
2 The Tinder oj Wakefield
I met with my true Loue down in the Corne,
Shee was drunke ouer night, I the next morne,
Cannot you sing, &c.
I met with my true Loue in the high way,
And there at blind-mans buffe we did play,
And cannot you sing, &c.
I went with my true Loue ouer the water,
Shee pickt a Rose and I did-------
And cannot you sing, &c./
I met with my true Loue in the green fields,
1 asked her true loue, vnto me she yeelds,
And cannot you sing, &c.
I met with my true Loue on a high hill,
Shee went to the Bakehouse, and I to the Mill,
And cannot you sing, &c.
I met with my true Loue in the green wood,
I kist her, she said it did her no good,
And cannot you sing, &c.
I danct with my true Loue downe in the hole,
She brought fire I brought cole,
And cannot you sing, &c.
My loue and I leaped ouer the Ditch,
She tore her smock, I tore my breech,
And cannot you sing, &c.
My Loue and I walked ouer the Strand,
She had no liuing, nor I had no land,
And cannot you sing, &c.
The Tinder of Wakefield 63
My true Loue and I like two good fellowes,
Were iudged for to be hang'd on the Gallowes,
And cannot you sing browne berry, browne berry,
And cannot you sing browne berry.
And if you will haue any more, sing it your selfe,
quoth Tom, for I am aweary; some other sing, and in
the meane time I will play on my Taber and Pipe.
Miles the Miller his Song.
Vpon the twelfth day of December,
and in the fourth yeere of Yedwards reigne,
A mighty hoast as I doe remember,
met in England all on a plaine,
Downe downe derry, derry downe,
hey downe a downe, hey downe a derry.
And many a good lord we had then there,
and with them many a thousand men,/
But God be thanked we gaue them such a Banquet [Gi
they carried but few of them back again,
Downe downe derry, &c.
They carded all night for our Soldiers coates,
they fisht before their Nets were spun,
A white for sixe pence, a red for two groates,
wisdome would haue stayed till they had been won.
Downe downe, &c.
Our Drumms did beat, and our Trumpets did sound,
our Musketeers ratled vnto the Skye,
Our Colours they flourisht, our men well cherisht,
which made them fight couragiously.
Down downe, &c.
64 The Tinder oj Wakefield
But Lord when they heard our great guns cracke,
oh then their hearts fell into their hose,
They threw down their weapons they turned their
back,
they ran so fast they fell on their nose,
Downe downe, &c.
The Spaniards haue threatned our Land to inuade,
but God I hope will vs defend,
At 88. meeting, we gaue them such a greeting,
I hope they will feare to come here againe,
Downe downe, &c.
O God preserue our King and Queene,
the Nobles and Gentry and Commons all,
And send vs heauen at our ending,
before our enemies let vs neuer fall,
Downe downe derry, derry downe,
hey downe a downe, hey downe derry.
God-a-mercy Miles, quoth George, this is a good
Song. What Smug has thou neuer a Song? Yes, quoth
Smug, that I haue, if you will beare the bob or burthen.
I, that wee will, quoth all./
Smugs Song.
When Vulcan wrought on Cyclops,
he was both dry and thirsty,
The fire did heat, it made him sweat,
to drinke Nector he was lusty,
No more of sorrowes heigh hoe then,
but drinke we of the strongest
Laugh and be fat sing merrily merrily,
let him take all liues longest.
n
The Tinder oj Wakefield
What though thy nose bee red,
shall body fare the worse,
By drinke the life is fed,
let plague consume thy purse.
No more of sorrowes, &c.
How scapt the iouiall Tinker,
when hang'd were foure and twenty,
Hee was a good Ale drinker,
and dranke omnipot empty,
No more of sorrowes, &c.
The Ballad singers daily,
of old Simon doe sing,
His thread-bare coat, and Malmsey nose,
ouer all the world doth ring,
No more of sorrowes, &c.
Why are you sad my masters,
here's Ale as browne as berry,
While wee are here, lets make good cheere,
drinke stiffe and sing downe derry.
No more of sorrowes heigh hoe then,
but drinke wee of the strongest.
Laugh and be fat sing merrily merrily,
let him take all Hues longest./
So let him for me, quoth Cut the Cobler, but I pray [Gi
you let vs haue one round betwixt vs all, with the
old Catch of Nose, Nose.
Nose, nose, iolly red nose,
And who gaue thee that iolly red nose,
Nutmegs, Ginger, Cinamon and Cloues,
And Ale gaue me this iolly red nose.
66 The Pinder oj Wakefield
If from thy drinke thou dost shrinke,
We will fill it againe vp to the brinke,
Then drinke it vp and doe not start,
And if thou dost beshrew thy heart.
Nose, nose, iolly red nose,
And who gaue thee that iolly red nose,
Nutmegs, Ginger, Cinamon and Cloues,
And Ale gaue thee that iolly red nose.
Oh brauely done my masters all, I pray you fill me
a full bowle, and I will drinke to you all, and so let
vs depart, for it groweth late, quoth George: which
health hauing gone round, they all tooke leaue of one
another, all promising, both the Kendall and Hallijax
and Wakefield men euer after to take part with one
another, being Country men, against any other
Country men whatsoeuer, and so with many farewels,
and loth to departs, they at last parted.
How Robin Hood, Scarlet and little lohn, hearing
of the braue deedes of the Pinder and of his
merriments, came to see him.
FAME with her golden Trump had so proclaimed
the braue deeds and merriments ouer all England:
Amongst the rest, it came to the eares of Robin Hood
a great out-law, and very valiant, liued onely in woods,
doing many braue exploits. This Robin Hood, desirous
to see whether this were true, that euery one reported
of George a Greene the Pinder of Wakefield, did breake
his minde to two more of his men,/that were trusty, [G2v
The Pinder oj Wakefield 67
charging them not to reueale it to any what his intent
was, so secretly they departed towards Wakefield, and
drawing neere thereunto, hauing giuen all in instruc-
tion hee could to his two men what to doe, the one
being by the name of Scarlet, the other John, they did
begin to play their reakes, tearing downe of hedges,
making new pathes ouer the Corne, cutting downe of
stiles, carrying long staues on their shoulders, breaking
all the good orders that George had made. Word being
brought to him of it, he made no delay at all to call
any of his Soldates, but away hee hastens with a long
Pike-staffe on his necke, and finding them out. What
doe you meane my masters? know you not, nor haue
you not heard of the orders of this place, that thus
you so rudely behaue your selues, doing such iniuries?
that assure your selfe you shall make amends for
before you depart? What prating fellow art thou,
quoth Robin, that thus dare affront vs, and tell vs of
orders, a rush for thy orders, knowest thou who we
are? Why no, quoth the Pinder, nor I care not. Why
then, quoth Robin, know that I am Robin Hood, and
these two are two of my men, Scarlet and Iohn. Oh
I haue heard of you before, and in good time you are
come to me, for if you had not come to mee, I had
been with you before this time. But I pray thee,
quoth Robin, tell mee who thou art? Why know that
1 am George a Greene, the mad merry Pinder oj Wakefield,
and that you shall know before you depart. You talke
boldly sir, quoth Robin, if your actions proue as good
as your words, indeed you are the man that wee
desired to meete withall. Come on then, quoth
George, make ready, haue at you, defend your selfe
if you will. With that they all drew their Swords, and
fell to their Bucklers, for George began very hotly
against them all, and not any of the three durst come
68 The Tinder of Wakefield
neere him to come within him, he was so excellent
at the long Pike: and thus the fight continued sixe
long houres. Quoth Robin, hold I pray thee a little,
with that all held still. What doe you breath, quoth
George? come, come, I am not warme yet: I will
make you breath anon. Quoth Robin, I assure thee/ t
honest George a Greene I haue tryed the strength of [G3
many a man, but thou dost surpasse them. Quoth
Scarlet, I thinke hee is one of Hercules bastards, he
layeth about him, as if he were about one of his
labours. Quoth little Iohn, I thinke rather hee is one
of the Diuels Bastards, for hee layeth about him like
a young Diuell, I am sure I feele some of his clawes.
After they had rested themselues a good while and
parlied: Quoth George, come let vs to it againe. Hast
thou such a stomacke to it, quoth Robin: come then,
haue at you all againe. With that setting his backe
to a hedge, hee began againe to lay about him brauely.
Stay, quoth Robin, it shall not be said, that thou
gauest vs such odds, thou art but one, and wee bee
three. Stay your hands my merry men, quoth George, I
let him and I haue a single bout at the Sword and
Buckler, and to it they went like two Boares a
fighting, grieuous bangs giuen on both sides: this
fight lasted for foure houres, and at the last Robin
Hood began to faint, and then Scarlet and Iohn, and all
three set on George, but he was so nimble, that hee
leapt to and fro and got vp his long staffe againe, with
which hee againe so belaid about him, as though
hee had beene starke madde.
All the while of this great fight, which was almost a
long Summers day, George was not mist, neither knew
they where to finde him. At last being espyed, newes
was brought to his Soldates, which has tried to him.
Hold all your hands, to his Souldates quoth George.
The Vindex oj Wakefield 69
Mary, quoth Iohn, and if they bee all like to thee, you
will make vs hold our hands, and eat vs vp. Quoth
Robin Hood, let vs haue done our fight, I and mine
will obserue your orders, what I haue done was
nothing but to try thy manhood that I haue heard so
* great report of, but now I finde it greater
than the
report, let it suffice I am and will bee thy Friend till
death.
Come I pray thee George, liue with me in the
woods/and what pleasure the woods can afford thou [q3V
shalt haue it to the full. Oh there is delight for a
King. Know George, I am a Lord of high degree, &
finding such pleasure in the life I lead in woods, I
choose it rather than the Palace, for it is a Palace
of pleasure. Come, deny me not man, I will allow
thee forty Marke a yeere, beside thy dyet shall be
at my owne Table, and in woods wee'l hawke, hunt,
wee'l dance and sing, ride, run, with all delights
whatsoeuer, come I will not bee denyed man. Quoth
George, Robin Hood thou hast almost perswaded me,
I because I know thou louest a man, and of thy
prowesse
I haue heard before. Nay, quoth little Iohn, thou
shalt haue also one hundred more lusty braue fellowes
to thy companions. I, quoth Scarlet, those that will
not shrink, but drinke and sing, and merrily trowle
the bowle. God-a-mercy my braue sparkes, come all
wee are friends: come lusty Robin Hood, goe first
9 along with me to my Host Bankes, for there you
shall
rest this night, and then I will tell thee more of my
mind. With that there was such imbracing betwixt
George his Soldates and Robin Hood, Scarlet and little
Iohn wonderfull to behold, and towards Wakefield
Towne they went, and so to my Host Bankes, where a
great supper was prouided, all the people in Wakefield
reioycing, especially my Host Bankes, of Robin Hoods
70 The Pinder of Wakefield
being there, of whom they had heard great talke, but
neuer saw him before: All sung the praise of George a
Greene in a new Song, made by a Poet; the Musitions
they played it, that George was now more famous
than before. Well at supper being set, George bid
them welcome, where they wanted not for delicious
fare and good drinke, and after supper and all taken
away, to the fire they went to passe the time, as it
was George his manner, and his Souldates in Songs,
Catches, dancing and such reuelling, and still the
liquor walked, that it contented Robin Hood extra-
ordinary. Quoth Robin, George I will tell thee thou
hast giuen mee great content: and therefore thou
must along with me, and thou shalt finde that I will
recompence thy kindnesse. But what shall I doe with
my Souldates? take them with thee, they shal al be
welcome. No, quoth/George, I will take none along [G4
but Tom my Taberer, all the rest I will leaue to defend
the Towne, and to see my orders obserued, and
to choose a generall amongst themselues, and if at
any time there should bee extraordinary neede, hee
charged them to send for him, and he would come.
So will I, quoth Robin. But his Soldates were loth to
part with him, so was my Host Bankes, and all the
whole Towne, but all would not serue, goe hee
would and gaue his hand to Robin Hood; bidding Tom
be ready. I Captaine, quoth hee, with all my heart.
What, quoth George, mee thinkes you are all mute,
what cheere my bonny hearts. Come giue vs some
drinke, and let vs haue a Catch, and let vs be merry,
I will not forsake you though I goe a little way from
you for recreation to see some fashions. Come quoth
little Iobn, I will giue my Master and you a Catch:
Haue we drink there? I, I warrant thee, quoth George,
wee will not want for drinke.
The Pinder oj Wakefield 71
The Catch.
Bacchus the god of Grapes and Wine,
To thee this crowned cup resigne,
Wherein all pleasure springs,
Black is the Bowie and the Byas will keepe,
And whiles it lasts we will drinke deepe,
Then fill it vp to the brimme,
And merrily laugh and merrily quaffe,
And merrily merrily drinke all off,
And merrily we will sing.
Behold and see what I haue done,
I haue not spilt it in my shun,
Nor drunk my drinke in vaine,
But I haue drunke the same all vp,
Vnlesse it be a little sup,
Then haue at it once againe.
And merrily laugh, and merrily quaffe,
And merrily, &c./
Oh braue Lads, quoth George a Greene and Robin [G4.V
Hood, here was a braue Catch, let the health goe
round, bee sure that euery one haue it, if you lacke
any liquor call for more: good my Host see they want
none; thus hauing spent the euening, I thinke wee
that haue laboured so hard to day, may desire a little
rest at night: and therefore I pray you let vs depart
for this time. Agreed, quoth Robin, I must make
haste because I am mist before this time: and so they
all hauing taken leaue of one another, departed to
their rests where we will leaue them till next morning.
The next morning by the dawning of the day,
George was vp, and came to my Host Bankes, cald
Robin Hood vp and the rest, telling them he had
7 2 The Tinder oj Wakefield
setled all his businesse in order, and therefore
requested them to haste, lest the Townesmen and
his friends stayed him. Vp they all got, to breakfast
they went, and so drinking halfe a score Rounds,
calling to pay, all being in readinesse, a bill was made,
and it came to foureteene pounds odde money; but
Robin Hood would haue discharged all. No, quoth
George, howsoeuer here is my sixe pounds. Quoth
Robin Hood, seeing you will be so wild, come giue
your money, and so all being discharged, with many
farewels, and loth to departs, betwixt all friends,
especially betwixt George and his Souldates and my
Host Bankes. Away they hasted towards the greene
woods, and had they not gone when they did goe, all
the Towne and all the places adioyning came of purpose
to Bankes his house to haue preuented Captain George
his departure, but too late they came for they were
most part of the way to their home, I meane to the
woods, and of their entertainment there, and of their
merriments, you shall heare in the next Chapter
following.
Of the great entertainment that Robin Hood
and all his followers gaue to George a Greene.
ROBIN HOOD with George being arriued at home
to the wood, all his men flockt about them,
being glad of his comming home againe: Robin told them
who George a Greene was, bidding them make him
welcome, which they/did to the vtmost of their [Hi
powers, both in feasting, dancing, hunting, shooting,
and all the delights that could be deuised to make
The Tinder oj Wakefield 73
sport, was too little for George a Greene to giue him
content: but a solemne day was appointed, which was
about Bartholomewtide, whereon they were disposed
to be merry: and which at last being come, euery one
prepared to be merry that day, Robin and George being
the Ring-leaders to the rest, euery one being clad in
greene, sutable to their desires. In the morne there
was such running at Quintaine by the youths, that
there was a great sport to see how they did striue
who should doe best, to win his Sweet-hearts fauour,
but some of them had such bangs with the Sand-bag,
because their horses were not quick enough, that
downe they tumbled, whereat was great laughing.
This sport being ended, euery man chose his Lady,
he being the Lord, & a great banquet being made in
the woods, where store of good cheere was not
wanting, nor good drinke: each Lord sate by his Lady,
and whiles they banqueted, the Musicke played, and
there was such braue Songs, as their hearts could not
desire better, and this is called a King-ale, they haue
one Lord which they call the chiefe Lord, and hee
is to make them merry, which Lord is a notable
merry fellow for the most part: and for this feast
little Iohn was chosen the Lord, which made such
sport amongst them, that hee was commended of all
in generall; two of his songs I brought away along
with mee when I was there, but when I get the rest
you shall haue them.
A Song.
Tom a Lin was a Welch man borne,
His head was pold, his beard was shorne,
His cloathes were ragged, his shirt was thin,
Whoeuer saw any like Tom a Lin.
The Tinder oj Wakefield
Tom a Lin had no more wiues but one,
Hee had a blacke Daughter her name was Ioane,
She was the slipperst of all her Kin
For wantonnesse, say's Tom a Lin.j
Tom a tins Wife got vp betimes,
And into the field to milke her Kine,
Shee calld vp her Daughter the Creame to skim,
Wee shall haue good Butter, quoth Tom a Lin.
Tom a Lins Wife went ouer a bridge,
The bridge was narrow and shee fell in:
I haue lost a good Slut, quoth Tom a Lin,
Who euer saw any like Tom a Lin.
Then Tom a Lin would a wooing ride,
With a good Point Norton by his side,
His Scabbard was made of a fat Eeles skin,
It's a flaunting blade, quoth Tom a Lin.
Tom a Lin had a good balde Mare,
Her heeles were glad, her backe was bare,
Her belly set out, her belly set in,
Tis a fleering lade, quoth Tom a Lin.
Tom a Lin had not boots to weare,
But a good pide Calues skin homes and haire,
He buckled them on fast to his shin,
Come let vs ride, quoth Tom a Lin.
Tom a Lin riding ouer a bridge,
The bridge was narrow and he fell in,
His foot it slipt, his heeles vp tript,
This is ill lucke quoth Tom a Lin.
The finder oj Wakefield j $
Tom a Lin hee got vp againe,
Hee spyed a bonny Lasse walking then,
0 I am Iocky wilt thou bee Gin,
Are not wee well married, quoth Tom a Lin?
Tom a Lin hee danct vp the Hall,
Ginny came after ragges and all.
Shee scrapt the scabs all from her skin:
Wee'l haue them fry'd in butter, quoth Tom a Lin.J
And here is an end of a mad marriage my masters, [H2
I pray you remember my Lord, all the company
laught heartily, and made a gathering for my Lord
round, and prayed him the other Song.
The Song.
A Cobler would a wooing ride,
in Summer when Sunne did shine,
He met with a Maid in the morning tide,
a driuing to field of her Kine.
Hee said faire Maid and will you kisse,
In Summer now Sunne doth shine:
No Cobler not now I wis,
I am driuing to field my Kine.
But if thou wilt come to my Chamber window,
in euening when Moone doth shine,
1 will haue a kisse in store for thee,
if thou'It driue to field my Kine.
The Cobler he came to the Maids window,
at euening when Moone did shine,
Said, where is the kisse you promised me,
for driuing to field of your kine.
76 The Tinder oj Wakefield
The Maid set ope the Casement window,
in eueing when Moone did shine,
Shee turned vp her lips for the Cobler to kisse,
for driuing to field of her Kine.
By my faith Maiden you doe me great wrong,
in the euening now Moone doth shine a,
Your lips they are thicke, you breath it is strong,
for driuing to field of your Kine a.
Go thy waies Cobler into the Marsh,
now Summer the Sunne doth shine a,
And say thou hast kist a Maidens arse,
for driuing to field of her Kine a./
I had rather he had kist those lips than I, quoth [H2v
my Lord little Iohn; all the company laughed heartily:
But, quoth Tom the Taberer, to George a Greene,
Captain I hope it was not our Cut the Cobler: makes
no matter, quoth George, Tom. Lets rise good Robin
Hood, and let vs to dancing to stretch our legs a little,
and so they did rise, & some fell a dancing, some to
vaulting, some to dice and cards, some to fling Dice
for Pewter, some to tend the Mare, which was a
great wooden horse, which carryed all that had not
tasted of my Lords beere to the buttery. Night being
come all departed quietly till the next morning, and
day no sooner appeared, but there was the brauest
Morris dance that euer was seene in England, made by
George a Greene, Robin Hood, Scarlet, little Iohn, Tom
the Taberer, and they did choose a lusty Lasse for
their Maid marrian, a Lancashire Lasse, called Long
Meg, that dwelt at Westminster, with many of Robins
fellowes more, that such a Morris was neuer seene
in England. The Morris dance being done, word was
The Pinder oj Wakefield yy
brought to Robin Hood, that Adam Bell, Clim of the
Clough, and William of Clowdeslee, were arriued at the
woods. They come in good time, quoth George, to
mend our sports and pastimes, and so the markes
being vp, some went to Prickes, some to Rouers,
some to Butts, that such a much of shooting was
neuer knowne to be in England. And to this day the
markes remaine what a huge way they did shoot, a
mile in length, and called Robin Hoods markes. After
the shooting to foot-ball they went for two long
houres, where there were falls giuen on both sides,
but being aweary, they gaue ouer on equall tearmes.
After the foot-ball to wrastling they went, the
Northerne men against the Westerne men; but the
Northerne men had the day: and from wrestling to
the Cudgels, and some to running, some to leaping;
some to one pastime, some to another, that the like
was neuer heard of since the Olympian Games were
which Hector himselfe was at: But Robin Hood, George
a Greene, Tom the Taberer, Scarlet, little Iobn, Adam Bell
and the rest, they had all the praise./
Euening drawing on, they all setled themselues to [H3
bee merry at a braue supper, which in the woods was
prepared for them: where they lacked for no good
cheere or good entertainment to welcome them all:
That if Iupiter himselfe, and all the Gods and Goddesses
had come thither of purpose to feast.
Supper being ended vp all rose. Quoth George and
Robin, come my Masters all, let vs spend the rest of
this euening, in some good pastime or other; with that
they all sate downe vnder the braue trees, and there
began some to read Ridles, some to tell merry Tales,
some to sing merry Catches, and to say hard things
one after another: and because I was an eye witnesse
of all these things, I was not so blockish but I could
78 The Pinder oj Wakefield
bring some of them away with mee, and when I haue
got the rest, as I am promised them, you shall bee sure
to haue them: In the meane time, take these for a
taste of the rest to come.
A Tale told by George a Greene.
NEERE to Wakefield there dwelt two honest old
men that were great Companions a long time,
that the one could not lacke, if the other had it. It
fortuned vpon a time, that one of them, named
Stiles, lacking some money to lay out for his good,
breaking his minde to Father Chapman, hee lent him
ten pounds on his owne bare word (for in those dayes
the honest word passed bills and bonds.) Time passing
on a pace, Stiles thinking that Father Chapman had
forgot his ten pounds, and had neuer the honesty to
pay it him: But at last Chapman wanting money, asked
him for his money; Stiles he denyed that he euer had
any of him. Chapman hee stampt and chaft; saying,
wilt thou deny it? I must needes deny that, quoth he,
that I neuer knew. Oh naughty man, quoth Chapman;
come, come, if you will sweare before the Iustice
that thou hadst not ten pounds of me, I will lose it
the morrow following. This Stiles being a crafty man
had gotten a hollow staffe made, wherein he put in
Gold/the valew of ten pounds, and with Chapman [H3V
before the Iustice they went. Chapman making his
complaint, that hee lent him so much money, the
other denying it; Quoth the Iustice put Stiles to his
oath, for that is all I can doe. The Booke being
brought, and being bidden to lay his hand on the
Booke, and to sweare the truth, Hold my staffe,
The Pinder oj Wakefield 79
quoth Stiles, to Chapman, which Chapman taking, and
Stiles laying his hand on the booke, hee said, that hee
neuer had no money of Chapman and swore it, but
what he had paid him againe: Chapman seeing him
about to sweare; cryed, oh naughty man, doe not
sweare, doe not damne thy soule, I will lose my
money first, and fell a clapping of the staffe of Stiles
to the ground so hard, that at last before the Iustice,
the staffe broke and all the gold scattered about,
whereat all were amazed, but the Iustice perceiuing
Stiles his knauery, rebuked him shrewdly for his
knauery, and but for his age hee had beene iudged to
be whipt, as well he deserued by right, and Chapman
had the tenne pounds in Gold which came out of the
hollow staffe.
Another Tale.
TheRE dwelt a Gentleman in the North that did
buy great store of Lands, amongst the rest some
he did buy that were wrongfully taken from the
right heire, though not by himselfe, yet it seemed
that one house none could dwell in it, for they did
see such things in the night, that would amaze any
to heare it related, many had tryed to dwell in the
house, but all were frighted away still. It chanced a
lusty Souldier, newly to come out of the Low-
Countries, and to come to this Gentlemans house to
beg an almes; and hearing the Gentleman making
moane that he could not get any to dwell in his house;
saying, I would giue any thing to any, nay, they should
haue it rent-free for the dwelling in it. Quoth the
Souldier, what say you to me, I am a bold Souldier,
and feare not any thing, try me a little, and if there
were a thousand diuels there, I feare them not: but
8o The Tinder of Wakefield
you must giue mee such things as I desire: Thou shalt
not lacke for any thing,/quoth the Gentleman. Let
mee alone, quoth the Souldier. I pray you, quoth he,
let me haue as much wood as will keep me a good
fire this night, and some Tobacco and good strong
beere. Well, all things being fitted according to his
desire, into the house he enters, makes him a good
fire, about twelue a clocke at night, there appeared
vnto him as hee thought, the Skipper that had wafted
him from place to place, and they were much
acquainted. Skipper, quoth hee, what a Diuell how
earnest thou here at this time of night. The Skipper
or Diuell would not speake a word to him, onely nod
his head at him: Why dost not thou speake, quoth
the Souldier, I know thee well enough, I drinke to
thee, and filling a bowle of beere, still the Skipper
had as great a fire as hee and beere and Tobacco,
which amazed the Souldier; saying, why dost not
speake: the Skipper still nodded at him, and the
Souldier could neuer drinke one glasse, but the
Skipper would drinke two, and for one pipe of Tobacco,
the Skipper he would drinke two. Quoth the
Souldier, I pray thee speake to me, drinke with me,
I know thee well enough, still nodded at him the
Skipper: Nod on, nod more, quoth the Souldier, and
I will pay you soundly with this Billet: The Skipper
he nodded, the Souldier tooke vp a Billet out of the
fire, the Skipper tooke another, the Souldier he
strooke the Skipper, with that there was such a
cruell bout betwixt them extraordinary, but the
Souldier he had the worst. Morning come the
Gentleman knocked to see whether the souldier were
aliue or not, the souldier hee came to the gate,
told the Merchant all that had passed betwixt him and
the Skipper; the Gentleman was glad, asking him if
The Tinder oj Wakefield 81
hee would stay any longer or not? Quoth the
Souldier, I will make the skipper speake before I
haue done, and therefore against this night prouide
me the best good cheere you think fit for mee, with
beere, Tobacco and a good fire and let mee alone.
All this was done, and about the same time of the
night at twelue of the clocke, in comes the Skipper:
Art come, quoth the souldier: the skipper nodded:
dost nod? I hope thou wilt speak to me by and by:
still the souldier could not doe anything but/the
Skipper would doe the same, if the Souldier had thrown
a Faggot on the fire, the Skipper would haue throwne
two on his fire: The Souldier set his meat on the
Table, the Skipper he did the like at the lower end
of the Table, and had as good variety of flesh and fish
as the souldier had: I pray thee come sup with me,
the Skipper he nodded: I know thee, thou art a
Skipper, and thy name is Hauns, I pray thee come
drinke with mee, or I will throw the lug at thy head,
the Skipper he nodded at him, and still the Souldier
whatsoeuer he did, the Skipper he would doe the like:
the Souldier was so mad that he threw the Iugge at
the Skipper, and the Skipper threw at him, and to it
they fell close, but the Souldier still had the worst,
the skipper vanished: A Pox on you, are you gone,
quoth the souldier, you haue almost lamed mee. Well,
next morning the Gentleman came againe to see his
souldier, who told him all that had passed betwixt
them; the Gentleman told him he was glad to see
him in good health; demanding if hee would stay
any longer: I faith, quoth the souldier, I will try the
third night, but I pray you let mee haue all things
fitting as before; I will see if I can make the skipper
speake: Pox on him, I thinke he will not speake to
me, because he cosened me of a fair suit of apparell
8 2 The Tinder oj Wakefield
at Skedam. The Gentleman he prouided all things to
his hearts desire. Night being come the souldier hee
made a good fire, and after to his victuals he went,
still looking when the skipper would come, but no
skipper came; after supper the souldier rose, sate by
the fire, still no skipper came, the souldier was
somewhat heauy and sleepy after drinking his Tobacco,
and hauing sate vp two nights before knowing that
there was good beds in the house, vp hee went and
lay downe, but he had not lay long there, but he did
heare such a noyse of tinking on Ketles and Tongs,
and such a wonderfull light in the Hall, as also great
showting and roaring of Beares, out of the bed leapes
he, and downe he came, where hee did see the
skipper a playing at foot-ball with a great many of
vgly creatures, as Beares, Cats, Apes, and the like.
Are you there skipper with your Beares? I faith./
What at foot-ball hoe? I will in amongst you, and [h
striking at the Ball, Beares, Skipper and all fell vpon
him, he laying about him like a mad man, but they
wearied the Souldier shrewdly, and so all vanished,
onely the Skipper, which began to speake: Souldier
now thou has preuailed, know that I am no Skipper,
but thou maist tell the Gentleman that hee must
looke out the right heire, and agree with her for
this house and land, or else we will still thus trouble
this house, that none shall Hue quietly therein; tell
him moreouer, that she is an innocent woman, and
doth beg from doore to doore in the next Towne, her
Inne is the Cage of the Towne: I haue spoke, now thou
knowest my minde, the dawning of the day commeth
on, I cannot stay, farewell: Farewell and behang'd
quoth the Souldier, thou hast giuen me bangs enow,
but I am glad thou hast told me what must be done,
and before I doe reueale it I will be paid soundly.
The Tinder of Wakefield 83
The morning appearing, the Gentleman came to visit
his Souldier, whom he found at his breakefast, as
briske as a body louse: What cheere, quoth the
Gentleman: Boone courage, quoth the Souldier. Come
& you will well reward me, I think, nay I doubt not,
but to tell you how you shall keepe your house in quiet.
Quoth the Gentleman, I will giue thee a house rent-
free, and be also a friend vnto thee, if thou wilt tell
mee, so long as I Hue and thou together. Agreed,
quoth the Souldier, and accordingly told him all that
the Skipper had spoke to him, and presently the
Gentleman went and enquired for this woman, and
hauing found her, tooke her home and allowed her
her Maid to attend vpon her all her life time: And
also, according to his promise, gaue the Souldier a
house rent-free, and enioyed all his owne Lands with
quietnesse euer after.
Another Tale.
TheRE was a Gentleman that was amongst his
friends, & Colon crying out betwixt them to be
fed, I mean their bellies crowed for victuals, but
mony they had none: Quoth one amongst the rest,
my masters, if you will make shift for bread and wine,
I will get you meat enough, and away hee/went and [Iiv
comming to a Butchers he cheapned the best meat he
could lay his hands on, and hauing bargaind, desired
that he might haue his man to helpe him home with
it, and then he should receiue his money: Away goeth
the Gentleman with the Butchers man, and comming
neere to a Church, espying the Parson; Stay, quoth
the Gentleman, this meat that I haue bought, is for
the Quest-house, and the Parson must pay me, I will
84 The Finder oj Wakefield
goe speake with him, and away he goeth to the Parson,
and saluting him, desired a fauor at his hands, telling
him and pointing to the Butchers man, that his friend
that Yongman was much troubled in mind, and there-
fore he had brought him to his worship to be satisfied
in mind. Quoth the Parson, truely sir I am a little
busie yet, that the Yongman might heare him; but
by and by Yongman, quoth the Parson, I will satisfie
you. The Gentleman thanked the Parson, and came
to the Yongman and told him that the Parson would
pay him by and by, and wil'd him to stay there a
little, whilest he carried the meat to be drest, and
he would come to him againe: but he neuer meant it,
but carried it quite away to his Companions, telling
them the mad pranke he had play'd. But to returne
to the Parson, who seeing the Butchers boy to wait
to speake with him, came to him and asked him what
it was that troubled his minde? My mind, quoth the
Butchers boy? nothing truely Sir, quoth he, but I
pray you pay mee my moiiy, I shall bee shent for
staying so long: Mony, why 1 owe you none: Yes sir,
for the meat the Gentleman bought for the Quest.
Hee told me that you were troubled in minde, and
I see it is, come you must not be so distracted,
thinking of worldly matters, and began to giue him
good counsell: The Butcher he cryed his money.
Nay, quoth the Parson, and you be so mad, lie finde
a meanes to remedy you, and so calling a couple of
Beadles to him, threatning to haue him in Bedlem.
Oh, quoth the Butcher, Master Parson I am not mad,
but desire but my money for my meat the Gentleman
bought. This madded the Parson more, that one
might plainely see that he was the madder of the two.
By chance a Neighbour of the Butchers came by, to
whom the fellow called and sent for his Master, the
The Tinder of Wakefield 8^
Ma-/ster comming and examining the matter, found [12
that the Parson himselfe and his man were all cheated.
Thus some past the time in telling of Tales, others
at reading of Ridles, which some of them I can
remember.
Ridles.
Quest. What is that is fittest for the body when the
life is out?
Answ. Some said a graue, some said a winding sheet:
No, quoth another, a hot Caudle and a warme
bed is fittest for a woman newly deliuered.
Quest. What is it that hangs, beares; and blowes not?
Answ. A porridge Pot.
Quest. Red beat blacke on the belly, and made her
belly rumble.
Answ. Fire vnder a pot making it seeth.
Quest. A man and wife fell at strife for an vndone deed,
vp steps the good man and stopt the hole that
open was, and so they were agreed.
Answ. They fell out about the stopping of the Ouen.
Quest. There dwels a Shoomaker by this Hall,
That makes his shooes without an Aull,
Though men of them they doe not weare,
Yet of them they buy many a paire.
Answ. A Smith making Shoes for horses.
Quest. I am no Viper, yet I feede
On mothers breasts, that did me breed,
I sought a husband, in which labour
I found out the kindnesse in a father,
Hee is father, husband, brother too;
Who this may be, resolue it you.
Answ. One that married her owne Father.
86 The Tinder of Wakefield
Quest. There was a man bespoke a thing,
The which another did him bring,
Hee that made it did refuse it,
Hee that bespake it would not vse it,
And he that vs'd it did not know,
Whether he vs'd it I or no.
Answ. A Coffin for a dead man./
Thus hauing finished this day in pleasant sports and [hv
the next day following also, quoth George to Robin
I would it were euening, for now I begin to be aweary.
Nay, quoth Robin, I pray you let vs end this night with
our Reuels, I will tell you a pretty lest of a Pedler.
The lest.
ACERTAINE Pedler, walking abroad with his
wife, and seeing a wedding, whereat were many
Maids. Quoth the Pedler, dost thou see yonder
lusty wench in the Stammel Petticoat? I that I doe,
quoth the Pedlers wife, thou wilt little thinke that
I haue layne with her twice or thrice. Oh fie vpon
you husband, quoth shee, doe you tell tales? I tell
you husband, I haue layne a hundred times with Iohn
my Fathers man, and neuer told it before this time.
Quoth George, truely the woman serued him well
enough, and I will requite your lest.
Night being come, on againe to supper they hasted,
and being downe set in the middest of their supper,
they heard the sound of braue still musicke that was
wonderfull, and after that great light appeared, all
were amazed at it; but being all still to see the euent,
there appeared before them the ancient Prophesier
Merlin, giuing them the All haile, and vttering these
The Tinder oj Wakefield 87
words; Know worthy Gentlemen, that my name is
Merlin, and hearing of your braue Reuels, am come to
helpe to adde some more sport to your sport, and
to this end I haue here summoned to your triumphs
to make an end of the same for this time, these pretty
night-walkers, I pray you sit still and you shall see
their pretty pastime. With that appeare King Oberon
King of the Fairies in rich apparell with a Scepter in
his hand, a Crowne on his head, also King Twuddle
King of the Pigmjes, and a Fairy Qeene, Kobin
Good-jellow, Tom Thumbe with all the Fairies in a ring,
dancing such braue dances with such braue Musicke,
that it was delightfull to all the beholders. Tom
Thumbe he playd on the Taber and Pipe, Robin Good-
jellow with a Broome on his/necke dancing in the [i3
middle of the ring. Quoth Tom the Taberer to George,
Captaine younder is a pretty Taberer, poynting to
Tom Thumbe, I pray you hire him to carry in your
pocket. Peace Tom, quoth George, marke the sport.
The Faries and the Nimps did so trip it after the
Musicke, that it was admirable to behold, giuing
delight to euery one, euery one crying that they had
neuer seene the like in their life before: No masking
in the world could excell them, and thus they con-
tinued a dancing till midnight, and then doing their
obesience to Robin Hood, George a Greene and the rest
(only Robin Good-jellow sung a Song which you shall
find it, a little after) on a sudden they al vanished.
Robin Hood came to Merlin, thanking him for gracing
him so at his feasts, and gaue him twenty pounds for
his paines, and thus each one taking leaue of one
another, they finished their merriments and pastime,
and so departed, where we will leaue George a Greene
with Robin Hood, taking all the delight with the rest
of their Compeeres, euen so much as the woods could
88 The finder oj Wakefield
afford them. Ending this my History, with the Song
of George a Greene the Pinder of Wakefield, made by
his Souldates in Wakefield.
InWakefield dwelt there a iolly Pinder,
In Wakefield all on a greene,
InWakefield all on a greene.
There was no Knight nor no Squire,
Nor barron that durst be so bold,
Nor Barron, &c.
Durst make any trespasse toth' Towne of Wakefield,
But his pledge went to the pinfold,
But his, &c.
All these beheard three wighty young men,
Was Robin Hood, Scarlet, and Iohn,
Was, &c.
Now backe againe, back again quoth the Pinder,
For a wrong way haue you gone,
For a wrong, &c./
For you haue forsooke the King his highway, L 3V
And made a path ouer the Corne,
And made a path, &c.
The Pinder leapt backe full thirty good foot,
'Twas thirty good foot and one,
'Twas thirty good foot and one.
Hee leaned his backe fast vntill a thorne,
And his foot vntill a stone, &c.
The Vindex oj Wakefield 89
And there they fought halfe a long Summers day,
A Summers day all till noone, &e.
Vntill that their swords and their broad Bucklers,
Were beaten fast vnto their hands, &c.
Now hold thy hand, hold thy hand, quoth Robin Hood
And my merry men each one, &c.
For this same is one of the stoutest Pinders,
That euer I laid my hands on, &c.
If thou wilt forsake thy Pinder his craft,
And wend to the greene wood with mee, &c.
Thou shalt haue thy Liuery twice in the yeere,
And forty Crownes shall be thy fee, &c.
If Martlemas time were come nye and gone,
And my master had paid me my fee, &c.
I would set as little by the Towne of Wakefield,
As the Townesmen set by mee, &c.
In Wakefield dwels there a iolly Pinder, —
Oh ho, no, no, no, ho, no, no, no,
In Wakefield all on a greene,
InWakeJield all on a greene.
FINIS.
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