Hello Bill Toasts (1903)

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TO THE BROTHERHOOD OF ELKS
TO THE GAY BOYS OF THAT SOCIAL ORDER WHOSE
PASS WORDS ARE KNOWN AS SYNONYMS OF GOOD-
FELLOWSHIP AND WHOSE GREETING "HELLO BILL" IS
THE TRUE SPIRIT OF THE "BONHOMMIE" WORLD -
WHOSE GOOD LEFT HAND IS AS EVER READY TO GIVE
TO DESERVING CHARITY AS TO LIFT THE SOCIAL GLASS;
THIS BOOK IS RESPECTFULLY DEDICATED.




"HELLO BILL" TOASTS
A BOOK OF UP-TO-DATE
TOASTS SUITABLE FOR
BANQUETS AND SOCIAL
OCCASIONS, INCLUDING
THOSE POPULARLY USED
BY THE ELKS, COLLEGE
BOYS, CLUB MEN, ETC.
INTERSPERSED WITH
PROVERBS, SENTIMENTS
AND WISE SAYINGS
GATHERED FROM MANY
SOURCES AND ARRANGED BY
VICTOR W.WILLIAMS
ILLUSTRATIONS BY
A. F. WILLMARTH
FRONTISPIECE BY
W. H. BULL
1 9 0 3
Press of
The Whitaker & Ray Co., San Francisco






The compiler begs to tender sincere thanks to the following
publishers and authors for the use of copyright poems and verse:
Messrs. Charles Scribner's Sons, W. B. Conkey & Co.,
Henry Altemus Company, Ernest De Lancy Pierson, George Ade,
and to various other owners of copyright matter used in this
collection. Our thanks are especially due to Minna Thomas
Antrim, whose "A Book of Toasts," published by Henry Altemus
Company, is the most original and valuable work on the subject.
Copyright, 1903
by
VICTOR W. WILLIAMS






Nor shall our cups make any
guilty men,
But at our parting we will
be as when
We innocently met.
—Ben Johnson.


5
Contents
TOASTS
PAGE
I. Toasts to Friendship..... 13
II. Toasts to Love....... 22
III. Toasts to Kisses...... 32
IV. Toasts to Women...... 47
V. Toasts to Men....... 62
VI. Toasts to Wine....... 70
VII. Patriotic Toasts....... 85
VIII. Drinking Toasts ...... 95
IX. Sentimental Toasts..... 113
X. Toasts to Sweethearts..... 123
XI. Toasts to Eyes ....... 133
XII. Miscellaneous Toasts..... 138

7
Contents Continued
POEMS
PAGE
"The Corkscrew"....... 21
Ernest DeLancey Pierson.
"Love" .......... 31
" You Kissed Me"....... 42
Josephine S. Hunt.
"Fill a Glass"........ 44
W. E. Henley.
" Here's to the Maiden of Bashful
Fifteen"......... 61
Richard Brinsley Sheridan.
" The Bachelor" ....... 69
" Sparkling and Bright"..... 82
Charles Fenno Hoffman.
" Breathes There a Man with Soul so
Dead" •........ 92
Sir Walter Scott.
" An A 1 Apostrophe".......108
George Ade.
"Beer"........... 109
George Arnold.
"Solitude".......... 119
Ella Wheeler Wilcox.
" My Friend and Pitcher" .... 130
" To Celia".........137
Ben Johnson.
" The Clink of the Ice".....158
Eugene Field.
8

Contents Continued
ILLUSTRATED TOASTS
PAGE
" Here's to Old Adam's Crystal Ale" . 12
" Here's to the Wings of Love" . . 23
" Here's to a Girl Who's Bound to
Win".......... 33
" Let us have Wine and Women,
Mirth and Laughter" .... 46
" Back and Side go Bare, go Bare" . 63
" Here's to Wine when it's Red" . . 71
" Keep your Head Cool and your
Feet Warm"....... 84
" One Swallow does not Make a Sum-
mer Drink" ....... 94
" Here's to the Chaperone" .... 112
" Here's to Our Wives and Our Sweet-
hearts" .........122
" Here's to the Light that Lies in a
Woman's Eyes"......132
" He who Goes to Bed, and Goes to
Bed Sober"........139

9
Out upon this half-fac'd fellowship!
—King Henry VI.
Toasts to Friendship.
Old books, old wine, old nankin blue—
All things, in short, to which belong
The charm, the grace, that time makes strong,
All these I prize, but (entre nous)
Old friends are best.
—Austin Dobson.

GOD gives us our relatives—Thank God, we
can choose our friends.
— Cynic's Calendar.

A friendly pipe where smoke dreams come and
go,
A bottle of wine—and the glow
Of twilight coals a-shine on friend and you—
Ah! that were rare companionship to know.
—Rubaiyat, Up To Date.
13
Friend more divine than all divinities.
—Eliot.
LIVE not without a friend: the Alpine rock
must own
Its mossy grace or else be nothing but a
stone.
— W. W. Story.

Here's to you, as good as you are,
And to me, as bad as I am;
But as good as you are, and as bad as I am,
I'm as good as you are, as bad as I am.

To UNSELFISH FRIENDSHIP
May we ever be able to serve a friend and
noble enough to conceal it.

Oh! Be thou blest with that heaven can. send,
Long health, long youth, long pleasure—and a
friend.
—Pope.

May we have more and more friends and
need them less and less.

To FRIENDSHIP
If I do vow a friendship, I'll perform it to the
last article. —Othello.
14



From wine what sudden friendships spring.
-Gay.
HERE'S to you two and to we two;
If you two love we two,
As we two love you two,
Then here's to we four;
But if you two don't love we two,
As we two love you two,
Then here's to we two and no more.

To ACTIVE FRIENDSHIP
May the hinges of friendship never grow
rusty.

Here's health to the friends about me ;
Here is scorn to those who hate,
And whatever be the future,
Here's a health to blind old fate.

To OUR ABSENT FRIENDS
"Whilst we together jovial sit,
Careless, and crowned with mirth and wit,
We'll think of all the friends we know
And drink to all worth drinking to.
— Charles Cotton.
IS
Drinking kindness is drunken friendship.
—Anon.
HERE'S to those I love;
Here's to those who love me ;
Here's to those who love those I love,
And here's to those who love those who
love me.
—Favorite Toast of Ouida.

Thus circling the cup, hand in hand, ere we
drink,
Let sympathy pledge us, through pleasure,
through pain,
That, fast as feeling but touches one link,
Her magic shall send it direct through the
chain.
—Thomas Moore.

May we always mingle in the friendly bowl,
The feast of reason and the flow of soul.

To GOOD FELLOWSHIP
Animosities hence done away,
Bright commerce enlighten the shore,
Let this be the toast of the day,
Good fellowship all the world o'er.
16




I do know him by his gait; he is a friend.
—Julius Ccesar.
MAY we never have friends who, like shad-
owe, keep close to us in the sunshine
only to desert us on a cloudy day or in
the night.

Here's to those who love us well,
Those who don't may go to H-----
—Anon.

May friendship like whiskey improve as time
advances, and may we always have old friends,
true friends and young cares.

May we either say nothing of the absent, or
speak of them like friends.

Here's to the four hinges of Friendship
Swearing, Lying, Stealing and Drinking.
When, you swear, swear by your country ;
When you lie, lie for a pretty woman;
When you steal, steal away from bad company;
And when you drink, drink with me.
—A favorite toast of the Elks.
17



Keep good company and you'll be of them,
—From the Chinese.
DEAR Friend : my only compassion. They
say you have killed more men than
bullets.
Ah! but I would rather be full of you than
full of bullets.
(Soliloquy.)

Here's Champagne to our real friends,
And real pain to our sham friends.

To CONTENTMENT
A little health, a little wealth,
A little house and freedom,
With some few friends for certain ends,
But little cause to need 'em.
—Anon.

To HOSPITALITY
Come in the evening, or come in the morning—
Come when you're looked for, or come without
warning;
Kisses and welcome you'll find here before you,
And the oftener you come here the more I'll
adore yon.
—Thomas O. Davis.
18



Speed the soft intercourse from soul to soul.
—Pope-
WHEN going up the hill of prosperity
May you never meet any friend coming
down,

Here's to a bottle and an honest friend;
What would you wish for more, man?
Who knows before his life may end
What his share may be of care, man.
—Burns.

Here's to the friends we class as old,
And here's to those we class as new;
May the new soon grow to us old,
And the old ne'er grow to us new.

OUR ABSENT FRIENDS
Although out of sight, we recognize them with
our glasses.

Happy have we met,
Happy have we been,
Happy may we part,
And happy meet again.
19



The only way to have a friend is to be one
—Emerson.
INTO Life's bitter cup true friendship drops
Balsamic sweets to overpower tie gall;
True friends, like ivy, and the wall it props,
Both stand together, or together fall.
— Unknown.

Choose your friends wisely,
Test your friends well;
True friends like rarest gems,
Prove hard to tell.
Winter him, summer him,
Know your friend well.
— Unknown.

If you have a friend and you love him well,
Let my advice on your friendship glimmer—
Print all his faults in "nonpareil,"
But publish his virtues in " LONG PRIMER."
—Robert J. Burdette.

If you have a friend worth loving,
Love him, yes, and let him know
That you love him ere Life's evening
Tinge his brow with sunset glow.
Why should good words ne'er be said
Of a friend until he's dead ?
— Unknown.
20



Friendship's the wine of life.
Young's Night Thoughts.
THE CORKSCREW.
The shining key that can release
The sunshine stored for winter's mirth,
Unseal the shackles that confine
The festal spirit of the earth.
Old is the office that it holds;
It ushers in the marriage feast
And liberates the soul of song,
Or breaks the bondage of the beast
It holds high place beside the board
In halls of state, in caves of crime ;
Sets free a scourge of blight and bane,
Of dreams imperial and sublime!
—Ernest DeLancey Pierson.


21




In love, in delirium.
—P. Terentius Afer.
Toasts to Love
I hold it true, whate'er befall,
I feel it when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost,
Than never to have loved at all.
— Tennyson, "In Memoriam.''

LOVE—what a volume in a word, an ocean
in a tear!
—Martin Farquhar Tupper.

Here's to those who'd love us
If we only cared.
Here's to those we'd love
If we only dared.
22



All's fair in love and war.
— Old Proverb.
THE cup that is longest untasted
May be with our bliss running o'er,
And, love when we will, we have wasted
An age in not loving before.
—Nathaniel Parker Willis.

O tender longing! sweet hope! the golden
time of first love—the eye sees the heaven open
while the heart is silent in blissfulness.
—Friedrich von Schiller.

To CUPID AND HYMEN
Twin souls born without a conscience.

LOVE
Nature's Monte Cristo—"The world is mine."

To SUCCESS IN LOVE
A mighty pain to love it is,
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
But, of all pains, the greatest pain,
Is to love, but love in vain.
—Abraham Cowley.
25
Love—sentimental measles.
—Charles Kingsley.
DON'T die of love; in Heaven above
Or hell, they'll not endure you;
Why look so glum when Doctor Rum
Is waiting for to cure you ?
— Oliver Herford.

LOVE
The emblem of eternity; it confounds all
notion of time ; effaces all memory of a begin-
ning, all fear of an end.
—Adapted from Madam De Stael.

May those now love
Who never loved before;
May those who've loved
Now love the more.

LOVE
The torment of one, the felicity of two, the
strife and enmity of three;—the charm which
draws two beings together and unites them by
delicious sympathies, making it happiness to be
with each other, but misery to be apart.
—Adapted from Washington Irving.
26
Love is a duel with pins.
—Anon.
LOVE not; the thing you love may change;
The rosy lip may cease to smile on you ;
The kindly beaming eye grow cold, and
strange,
The heart still warmly beat, yet not be true.
LOVE NOT.
— Caroline Norton.

Endless torments dwell about thee,
Yet who would live and live without thee.

LOVE
A little sighing, a little crying, a little dying—
and a deal of lying.

Here's to the heart,
Though another's it be ;
Here's to the cheeks,
Though they bloom not for me.

To LOVE
Here's to wine when it's red,
Here's to wine when, it's yellow;
But the wine of wines is that distilled
By the naked archer fellow.
—Minna Thomas Antrim.
27
All mankind loves a lover.
—Emerson.
TIME is short, life is short,
Life is sweet, love is sweet, use to-day
while you may;
Love is sweet, and to-morrow may fail;
Love is sweet, use to-day.
— Christina G. Rosseiti.

LOVE'S TYRANNY
Drink, for who knows when Cupid's arrow keen,
Shall strike us and no more we'll here be seen.
—Minna Thomas Antrim,

Here's to the wings of love;
May they never molt a feather,
Until your little barque and my little barque,
Sail down the stream of life together.

To THE HOPEFUL HEIR
Here's health to those I love, and wealth to
those who love me.

To LONGEVITY
May we love as long as we live, and live as
long as we love.
28
Cupid is a blind gunner,
—Farquhar.
SUCH power hath beer. The heart where
Grief hath cankered
Hath one unfailing remedy—the tankard.
—Saye.

To THE TENDER PASSION
May it not tender too much.

To LOVE'S TRIUMPH
O, rank is good, and gold is fair,
And high and low mate ill;
But love has never known a law,
Beyond its own sweet will.
J. G. Whittier.

Here's to Love, the only fire against which
there is no insurance.

To SUCCESS IN LOVE

Here's that we may court and win all the
daughters of Fortune except the eldest—Miss
Fortune.
29
Happiness is the mirage of love.
— Vida Agnew.
HERE'S to love, a thing so divine,
Description makes it but the less.
'Tis what we feel, but cannot define.
'Tis what we know but cannot express.

To HONESTY IN LOVE
Let us pay the debts of love if we have to
stand off our washerwoman.

A PARADOX
Who dares deny that this is true :
The whole is more than all its parts ?
A whole love than divided love,
Or than half love from fifty hearts ?
Yet who dare either this deny :
The part is more than is the whole ?
That treasures halved with one dear love
Are more than double to the soul ?
—Arthur Dillon.

To LOVErS
The have-been's, the are-now's and the may-
be's.
3°
There is ecstasy in the agony.
— Victor Hugo.
LOVE.
And what is love ? It is a thrill
That percolates throughout your breast
And sweetly tickles you until
You're in a state of wild unrest!
It is an effervescing sense
Of sparkling rapture ; sort of fizz
Of heavenly nectar so intense
It makes you drunk with bliss !
It is
A sweet phantasmagorian dream
That comes upon you while awake
And monkeys with you till you seem
With pent-up bliss to fairly ache !
And that is love; at least that be
The way it always works on me !
— Denver Evening Times.

31
Lips, however rosy, must be fed.
—Anon.
Toasts to Kisses.
A man may drink, and no be drunk;
A man may fight, and no be slain;
A man may kiss a bonnie lass,
And aye be welcome back again.
—Burns.

HANG up love's mistletoe over the earth,
And let us kiss under it all the year round.

To BEAUTY'S LIPS
May they never be surrendered save at dis-
cretion.
32
Linked sweetness long drawn out.
—Milton
HERE'S to the lasses we've loved, my lad,
Here's to the lips we've pressed ;
For of kisses and lasses
Like liquor in glasses,
The last is always the best.

KISSES
The kiss that's stolen now is kissed
And gone for good; however,
The kiss that's kissed is seldom missed
So much as the kiss that's never.
—Puck.

Precious fingers, precious toes,
Precious eyes and precious nose,
Precious chin and precious lip,
Precious fool that lets 'em slip.

Fill the bowl with flowing wine
And while your lips are wet
Press their fragrance into mine
And forget.
Every kiss we take and give
Leaves us less of life to live.
35
Kisses honeyed by oblivion.
—Eliot.
HERE'S to four sweet lips, two pure souls and
one undying affection,—love's pretty ingre-
dients for a kiss.

Give me kisses! Nay, 'tis true
I am just as rich as you;
And for every kiss I owe,
I can pay you back, you know.
Kiss me, then
Every moment and again.
—John Godfrey Saxe.

Yesterday's yesterday, while to-day's here,
To-day's to-day until to-morrow appear,
To-morrow's to-morrow until to-day's past,
And kisses are kisses as long as they last.

MUM'S THE WORD
Here's to the kiss that thrills us, and delights us,
And to the voice that whispers, "All is well";
But when we've kissed, lest Nemesis affright us,
Respect her name, and never, never tell.
—Minna Thomas Antrim.
36
Kiss till the cows come home,
—Beaumont and Fletcher.
"THEY are fools who kiss and tell," wisely
hath the poet sung,
Man may hold all sorts of posts, if he'll
only hold his tongue.
—Kipling.

Here's to the man who kisses his sweetheart
And kisses his sweetheart alone,
For many a man kisses another man's sweet-
heart
When he thinks he's kissing his own.

Here's to Bacchus' blisses and Venus' kisses.

SUPPOSE
How sad if by some strange new law,
All kisses scarred;
For she who is most beautiful
Would then be most marred.
And we might be surprised to see
Some lovely wife
Smooth-visaged, while a seeming prude
Was marked for life.
—Anne Reeve Aldrech.
37
Sweets to the sweet.
—Hamlet.
KISSES tender, kisses cold,
Kisses timid, kisses bold,
Kisses joyful, kisses sad,
Pass the bowl or I'll go mad.
— Oliver Herford.

May we kiss whom we please,
And please whom we kiss.

MISSES
Tho' a kiss be a-miss
She who misses the kisses,
As Miss without kiss
May miss being a Mrs.
And he who a-miss
Thinks both Misses and kisses
Will miss Miss and kiss
And the kisses of Mrs.
—Puck.

I ne'er could any lustre see
In eyes that would not look at me
I ne'er found nectar on a lip
But where my own did hope to sip.
—Richard Brinsley Sheridan.
38
Stolen kisses are always sweeter,
—Hunt.
NEVER a lip is curved in pain
That can't be kissed into smiles again.
—Francis Bret Harte.

Here's to a girl who's bound to win
Her share at least of blisses,
Who knows enough not to go in
When it is raining kisses.

To THOUGHTFULNESS
How should great Jove himself do else than miss
To win the woman he forgets to kiss.
—Coventry Patmore.

If it were a sin, my love, to hold your hand
in mine,
And gaze into your eyes of azure blue,
While in my soul your image I enshrine
To love and to cherish my whole life through,
Then, dearest, let me ever stray,
And sin alway.
If it were a sin to kiss your red ripe lips
And drink the nectar that upon them lies,
To dream myself an envied god who sips
Fabled cordial 'neath cerulean skies,
If joy like this were sin, then may
I sin alway.
39
The sum of earthly bliss.
—Milton
WHEN age chills the blood, when our pleas-
ures are past—
When years fleet away with the wings of
the dove—
The dearest remembrance will still be the
last,
Oar sweetest memorial the first kiss of love.
—Lord Byron.

' Tis sweet to think that where'er we rove,
We are sure to find something blissful and
dear,
And that when we are far from the lips that we
love
We've but to make love to the lips that are
near.
—Thomas Moore.

Though in this rapid transit age
To shorten all things is the rage;
Though novel, sermon, poem and play
Grow briefer with each hurrying day,
One bulwark still defies endeavor—
A kiss is just as long as ever.
—Life.
40
Silence gives consent.
— Goldsmith.
YOU will find, my dear boy, that the dearly
prized kiss,
Which with rapture you snatched from the
half-willing Miss,
Is sweeter by far than the legalized kisses
You give the same girl when you've made
her a Mrs.

Here's some food for thought,
I heard it at a recent ball,
'Tis better to be kissed and caught
Than never to be kissed at all.

A CAVALIER'S TOAST
A drink, my lass, in a deep, clear glass,
Just properly tempered by ice,
And here's to the lips mine last have kissed,
And if they were thine, here's twice.
—Minna Thomas Antrim.

" Lips that touch liquor shall never touch mine;"
Thus cried the maiden with fervor divine;
But from her statement what must we infer—
They shan't touch her liquor, or shan't touch her?
—Puck.
41
Imparadís'd in one another's arms.
—Milton.
YOU KISSED ME.
You kissed me ! My head
Dropped low on your breast
With a feeling of shelter
And infinite rest,
While the holy emotions
My tongue dared not speak
Flashed up in a flame
From my heart to my cheek.
Your arms held me fast;
Oh, your arms were so bold ;
Heart beat against heart
In their passionate fold.
Your glances seemed drawing
My soul through my eyes,
As the sun draws the mist
Prom the seas to the skies.
Your lips clung to mine
Till I prayed in my bliss
They might never unclasp
From this rapturous kiss.
You kissed me! My heart,
And my breath, and my will
In delirious joy
For a moment stood still.
Life had for me then
42
Too sweet to last.
— Wm. Jones.
No temptations, no charms—
No visions of happiness
Outside of your arms.
And were I this instant
An angel possessed
Of the peace and the joy
That are given the blest,
I would fling my white robes
Unrepiningly down,
I would tear from my forehead
Its beautiful crown,
To nestle once more
In that haven of rest—
Your lips upon mine,
My head on your breast.
You kissed me! My soul,
In a bliss so divine,
Reeled and swooned like a drunken man
Foolish with wine,
And I thought ' twere delicious
To die there if death
Would but come while my lips
Were yet moist with your breath ;
' Twere delicious to die
If I might grow cold
While your arms clasped me round
In their passionate fold.
And these are the questions
43
A modern ecstasy.
—-Macbeth.

I ask day and night:
Must my lips taste no more
Such exquisite delight ?
Would you care if your breast
Were my shelter as then ?
And if you were here
Would you kiss me again ?
—Josephine S. Hunt.

FILL A GLASS. .
Fill a glass with golden wine,
And the while your lips are wet,
Set their perfume unto mine,
And forget.
Every kiss we take and give
Leaves us less of life to live.
Yet again! your whim and mine
In a happy while have met.
All your sweets to me resign,
Nor regret
That we press with every breath,
Sighed or singing, nearer death.
— W. E. Henley.
44
No tongue! ............be silent.
—The Tempest.
Toasts to Women.
And nature swears, the lovely dears
Her noblest work she classes, O;
Her 'prentice hand she tried on man,
And then she made the lasses, O.
—Burns.

Here's to woman,
Who in our hours of ease
Uncertain, coy and hard to please,
In trouble she's just the cheese.

To A HEAVEN BORN AMERICAN
The girl with red hair, blue eyes and white
skin: may her beautiful colors never fade.
—Minna Thomas Antrim.
47
The very pink of perfection.
—Goldsmith.
HERE'S to beautiful woman—the hell of the
soul, the purgatory of the purse and the
paradise of the eyes.

You may run the whole gamut of color and
shade,
A pretty girl—however you dress her—
Is the prettiest thing that ever was made,
And the last one is always the prettiest,
Bless her!

We men have many faults;
Poor woman have but two :
There's nothing good they say,
There's nothing good they do.

To WOMAN
A paradox who puzzles when she pleases and
pleases when she puzzles.

To THE CLEVER WOMAN
Clever enough to convince us that we are
cleverer than she at her cleverest.
—Minna Thomas Antrim.
48
Is she not passing fair ?
— Two Gentlemen of Verona.
A woman's tongue is only three inches long,
but it can kill a man six feet high.
—Japanese Saying.

A woman is like—but stay,
What a woman is like who can say ?
There's no living with or without one.

To THE AMERICAN BEAUTY
May she be ever, as now, Queen Rose of the
World.

THE WIMMIN !
So let us all; yes, by that love which all our
lives rejoices,
By those dear eyes that speak to us with love's
seraphic voices,
By those dear arms that will infold us when we
sleep forever,
By those dear lips that kiss the lips that may
give answer never,
By mem'ries lurking in our hearts an' all our
eye bedimmin',
We'll drink a health to those we love an' who
love us—the wimmin !
—Eugene Field's Toast to the Ladies.
49
Woman's bright empire never dies.
—Moore.
HERE'S to woman, the source of all our
bliss;
There's a foretaste of heaven in her kiss;
But from the queen upon her throne, to the
maid in the dairy,
They are all alike, in one respect—"con-
trary."

To WOMAN
The loveliest flower that blooms under heaven.

WOMAN
Win her and wear her if you can. " She is the
most delightful of God's creatures; Heaven's
best gift to man; man's joy and pride in pros-
perity ; man's support and comfort in affliction."
I drink her health, God bless her.

To America's daughters—let all fill their glasses,
Whose beauty and virtue to the whole world
surpasses ;
May blessings attend them, go wherever they
will,
And foul fall the man e'er offers them ill.
50
What woman wills, God wills.
—Dumas.
WHENE'ER a woman vows to love you
In Fortune's spite ;
Makes protestations that would prove you
Her soul's delight;
Swears that no other love shall win her
By passion stirred,—
Believe her not, the charming sinner
Will break her word.
—G. Mackay.

WOMAN
The great conundrum of the century; but
if we can't guess her, we will never give her up.
—Horace Porter.

To OUR WIVES
May they be as blissfully trustful as we are
trustfully blissful.

To WOMAN
When she is pretty, when she is witty, and
when she is not too wise.
51
To love her was a liberal education,
—Steel.
HERE'S to woman, whose heart and whose
soul
Are the light and the life of each path we
pursue:
Whether sunned at the tropics or chilled at
the pole,
If woman be there, there is happiness too.

WOMAN
One of Nature's agreeable blunders.
—Mrs. Cowley.

I'm convinced a woman can
Love this, or that, or any other man ;
This day she's melting hot,
Tomorrow swears she knows you not;
If she but a new object find,
Then straight she's of another mind.
—Sir John Suckling.

A MORSEL FOE THE GODS
A little of the angel
Joined to qualities more human,
Makes a most delightful mixture,
And we call the product woman.
52
Something between a hindrance and a help.
— Wordsworth.
NATURE, impartial in her ends,
When she made man the strongest,
In justice then to make amends,
Made woman's tongue the longest.

To GAY WIDOWS
Some are born widows, some achieve widow-
hood, whilst others have widows thrust upon
them.
—Cynic's Calendar.

O woman ! lovely woman ! nature made thee
To temper man ; we had been brutes without you.
Angels are painted fair, to look like you :
There's in you all that we believe of heaven ;
Amazing brightness, purity, and truth,
Eternal joy and everlasting love.
—Otway.

To WOMAn IN LOVE
Talk about the devotion of the sex, but the
most faithful attachment in life is that of a
woman in love—with herself.
—Bulwer Lytton.


I have a dozen healths,
To drink to these fair ladies.
—Henry VIII.
53
A woman's tongue keeps no Sunday.
—French Proverb.
THEN let us drink and let us love,
While yet our hearts are gay,
Women and wine we all approve,
As blessings night and day.

THE NEW WOMAN
At last
She rose upon a wind of prophecy,
Dilating on the future.
—Tennyson.
.
I will drink to the woman who wrought my woe,
In the diamond morning of Long Ago ;
To the splendor, caught from Orient skies
That thrilled in the dark of her hazel eyes,
Her large eyes filled with the fire of the south,
And the dewy wine of her warm red mouth.
—Winter.

Oh woman, woman! thou shouldst have few
sins of thine own to answer for ! Thou art the
author of such a book of follies in man that it
would need the tears of all the angels to blot the
record out.
—Bulwer Lytton.
54
Fickle as a changeful dream.
—Scott.
WOMAN, though so kind she seems, will
take your heart and tantalize it.
Were it made of Portland stone, she'd man-
age to McAdamize it.
Dairy-maid or Duchess,
Keep it from her clutches
If you'd ever wish to know a quiet moment
more.
—Planche.

WOMAN
The fairest work of the great Author ; the
edition is large, and no man should be without
a copy.

Here's to woman, the sweetheart, the wife,
The delight of our firesides by night and by
day,
Who never does anything wrong in her life,
Except when permitted to have her own way.
—Halleck.

Let her be clumsy, or let her be slim,
Young or ancient, I care not a feather ;
So fill up a bumper, nay, fill to the brim,
Let us toast all the ladies together.
55
God created woman only to tame man,
— Voltaire.
DRINK to fair woman, whom, I think,
Is most entitled to it:
For if anything ever can drive me to drink,
She certainly could do it.
—B. Jabez Jenkins.

WOMAN
She needs no eulogy—she speaks for herself.

THE DEAR CREATURE
O angel of peace and promoter of strife !
O woman whose love is a bubble !
Thou makest us all the trouble of life—
And life, we may add, worth the trouble.
—Malcolm Leal.

How wisely Nature, ordering all below,
Forbade a beard on woman's chin to grow !
For how could she be shaved, whate'er the skill,
Whose tongue would never let her chin be still ?
56
No is the feminine of yes.
—Hungarian Proverb.
WITHOUT a tongue a woman can keep still,
This I admit.
That with a tongue a woman can keep still,
I don't believe a bit.
— Goetz.

To WOMAN
When she is neither too young to be wise, nor
too old to be careful.

I have suffered more for their sakes—more
than the villainous inconstancy of man's disposi-
tion is able to bear.
—Merry Wives of Windsor.

To THE NEW WOMAN
The longer she lives, the newer may she grow.
a»
A LAWYER'S TOAST
Fee-simple and the simple fee,
And all the fees in tail
Are nothing when compared with thee,
Thou best of fees—fee-male.
57
Frailty thy name is woman.
—Hamlet.
AND when a lady's in the case
You know all other things give place.
—Gay

THE SPHERE OF WOMAN
They talk about a woman's sphere as though it
had a limit;
There's not a place on earth or heaven,
There's not a task to mankind given,
There's not a blessing or a woe,
There's not a whispered yes or no,
There's not a life or birth,
That has a feather's weight of worth—
Without a woman in it.

Earth's noblest thing—a woman perfected.
—-Lowell.

To woman in all her higher, nobler aspects—
whether wife, widow, grass-widow, mother-in-
law, hired girl, telegraph operator, telephone
helloer, queen, book agent, wet nurse, step-
mother, boss, professional fat woman, profess-
ional double-headed woman and professional
beauty, God bless her.
—-Mark Twain.
58
Women are coquettes by profession,
—Rousseau.
HERE'S a toast to all good lasses,
Pledge it merrily, fill your glasses,
Let the bumper toast go round;
May they live in tranquil pleasure—
Without mixture, without measure—
For with them true joy is found.

WOMAN
The crown of creation.

WOMEN AND WINE
Both are sweet poison.

WOMAN
The bitter half of man.
—The Sour Bachelor's Toast.

WOMAN
She is the only endurable aristocrat—elects
without voting, governs without law, and de-
cides without appeal.
59
She is the goddess of my idolatry.
—Burney.
HONORED be woman ! she beams on the sight,
Graceful and fair, like a being of light,
Scatters around her wherever she strays,
Roses of bliss on our thorn-covered ways—
Roses of paradise fresh from above,
To be gathered and twined in a garland of
love,
—Hood

To WOMAN
O fairest of creation I last and best
Of all God's works I Creature in whom excelled
Whatever can to sight or thought be form'd,
Holy, divine, good, amiable, or sweet.
—Milton.

O pearl of all things, woman! Adored by the
artist who created thee.
—Schiller.

Woman! with that word,
Life's dearest hopes and memories come ;
Truth, beauty, love, in her adored,
And earth's lost paradise restored,
In the green bower of home.
—Halleck.
60
Put the light out and all women are alike.
—German.
HERE'S to the maiden of bashful fifteen,
Here's to the widow of fifty,
Here's to the flaunting extravagant queen,
And here's to the housewife that's thrifty.
Let the toast pass,
Drink to the lass,
I'll warrant she'll prove an excuse for the glass.
Here's to the charmer whose dimples we
prize,
Here's to the maid who has none, sir,
Here's to the girl with a pair of blue eyes,
And here's to the nymph with but one, sir.
Let the toast pass,
Drink to the lass,
I'll warrant she'll prove an excuse for the glass.
Here's to the maid with a bosom of snow,
Now to her that's as brown as a berry,
Here's to the wife with a face full of woe,
And now to the damsel that's merry.
Let the toast pass,
Drink to the lass,
I'll warrant she'll prove an excuse for the glass.
For let 'em be clumsy, or let 'em be thin,
Young or ancient, I care not a feather,
So fill up up your glasses, nay, fill to the
brim,
And.let us e'en toast 'em together.
Let the toast pass,
Drink to the lass,
I'll warrant she'll prove an excuse for the glass.
—Sheridan.
61
"Are you married ? " " God forbid.'
—F. Marion Crawford.
Toasts to Men
The gloom of my bachelor days
Is flecked with a cheery light
Of stumps that I burned to friendship,
And pleasure, and work, and fight.
—Kipling.

HERE'S to the fellow who smiles,
While life rolls on like a song,
And here's to the chap who can smile,
When everything goes dead wrong.

To THE BROTHERHOOD OF ELKS
May they be always as now, Princes of Good-
fellows.
62
Man!
Thou pendulum betwixt a smile and a tear.
—Byron.
To THE GENTLEMEN
HERE'S to the gentlemen ! married or single
men,
Old men or young men, just as you please—
They're all gay deceivers,
They love and they leave us,
They natter, they chatter,
They boast and they tease.
They live for the day, for the moment that's
passing
They know all the naughty nice things of
the earth,
They're fond of good dinners and woman's
their failing
They've drank at the fountain of pleas-
ure since birth.
They're fond of the wine cup, they laugh at
our sorrow
They fly in the face of all ills
They're tricky, they're funny, but so long
as they've money,
We love them, dear boys—while they're
footing our bills.
So here's to the gentlemen! Married or
single men,
Old men or young men, just as you please,
Whatever they are, we can't live without
them,
So here's to the gentlemen ! Drink to the
lees.
—Claudia Bernice Wetmore.
65
Young fellows wíll be young fellows,
—Isaac Bickerstaff.
HERE'S to the man who loves his wife,
And loves his wife alone.
For many a man loves another man's wife,
When he ought to be loving his own.

To A COOL HEAD
Drink to the man who keeps his head though
he loses his heart.

THE BACHELOR
Here's to the jolly bachelor,
The man who lives in joy ;
Whose cares are few, whose friends are true,
Whose peace holds no alloy,
Who lights his pipe and fills his bowl,
Cries, "Fie to care and strife—O."
Who takes a sip from every lip
And leads a merry life—O !
—Richard Stillman Powell.

A WOMAN'S TOAST
Here's to the man whose best girl is his
mother, and whose sweetheart is his wife.
66
Be good and you will be lonesome.
—Mark Twain.
WOULD you be a man of fashion?
Would you lead a life divine ?
Take a little dram of passion
In a lusty dose of wine.

To MATRIMONY
Gentlemen, may you never scold a wife, nor
wive a scold.

THE LAMENT OF RESPECTABILITY
If there's one unsecluded spot,
That I should like to own
And fence about, 'tis that small plot
Where my wild oats were sown.

To GAY BACHELORS
May they never impale their freedom upon
the point of a steel pen.
,
To HUSBANDS

In behalf of woman, may they lie like gentle-
men, but trust like philosophers.
67
I'm thirty-one and a bachelor.
—Dickens.
'TWEEN woman and wine a man's lot is to
smart,
For wine makes his head ache, and woman
his heart.

THE CHATTERBOX
May he give us a few brilliant flashes of
silence.

Here's to the man who can bravely say,
"I have loved her, all my life—
Since I took her hand on the wedding day
I have only loved my wife ?"
Would we not praise him long and well
With the warmest praise that is,
The man who could boldly, firmly tell,
And stick to—a lie like this ?
—Life.

To THE OLD BOYS
May they never be too old to be young.
68
O, happy, happy, enviable man!
—Burns.
THE BACHELOR.
I'm neverwed—
Well groomed, well fed;
No giddy girl
Makes my heart whirl;
No fair one's art
Can smash my heart;
No Cupid's net
Snares me, you bet;
No tether goes
Through my poor nose;
I'm free!
See?
And free I'll stay
Till judgment day;
I have not hats
To buy, nor brats
To squall
Through all
The night;
I don't go home
'Till daylight's gloam
"Unless I choose;
I mix with men
And now and then
I take a glass;
But let that pass;
A great, great head,
Mine—Neverwed;
That's me;
I'm free!
See? —Exchange.
69
Drink wine and let the water go to the mill.
—Italian.
Toasts to Wine.
The past was bad, and the future hid its good or
ill untried, O;
But the present hour was in my power, and so I
would enjoy it, O.
—Burns.

HERE'S to you in wine,
Good old wine;
I will be your true love
And you will be mine.
I will be constant,
You will be true,
And I'll leave my happy home for you—
Just for a little while.

Here's to good old whiskey,
So amber and so clear,
'Tis not so sweet as woman's lips,
But a d------sight more sincere.
70
I
, I
Divine nectarious juice.
—Pope.
THIS wine should be eaten, it is too good to
be drunk.
—Swift.

To CHAMPAGNE
Nectar strained to finest gold,
Sweet as Love, as Virtue cold.
—Minna Thomas Antrim.

'Tis the plump grape's immortal juice
That does this happiness produce.
—Charles Cotton.

I feel the old convivial glow (unaided) over me
stealing—
The warm, champagny, old particular, brandy-
punchy feeling.
—Oliver Wendell Holmes.

Wine is goad,
Love is good,
And all is good if understood;
The sin is not in doing,
But in overdoing;
How much of mine has gone that way?
Alas ! How much more that may?
73
From humble Port to imperial Tokay,
— Townley.
YOUR doctors may boast of their lotions,
And ladies may talk of their tea;
But I envy them none of their potions,
A glass of good whiskey for me.

To A ROMAN PUNCH
This was the noblest Roman of them all.
—Julius Caesar.

This bottle's the sun of our table.
His beams are rosy wine;
We, planets that are not able
Without his help to shine.
—R. B. Sheridan.

O, little fishes of the sea,
Had I the power divine,
I'd turn you into silver cups,
And your sea to purple wine.
—Anon.

Here's to champagne, the drink divine
That makes us forget our troubles;
It's made of a dollar's worth of wine
And three dollars' worth of bubbles.
74
A quart of ale is a dish for a King,
— Winter's Tale.
MAY wine brighten the rays of friendship,
But never diminish its lustre.

He who loves not wine, woman, or song
Remains a fool his whole life long.
—Luther (Attributed to)
Probably by J. H, Voss.

A fig then for Burgundy, Claret or Mountain,
A few scanty glasses must limit your wish;
But he's the true toper that goes to the fountain,
The drinker that verily "drinks like a fish!"
—Thomas Hood,

Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter,
Sermons and soda-water the day after.
—Lord Byron.

The Frenchman loves his native wine;
The German loves his beer;
The Englishman loves his 'alf and 'alf,
Because it brings good cheer.
The Irishman loves his " whiskey straight,"
Because it gives him dizziness.
The American has no choice at all,
So he drinks the whole d-----business.
75
Good wine needs no bush.
—As You Like It.
MAY the juice of the grape enliven each soul,
And good humor preside at the head of
each bowl.

To PEACEFUL DREAMS
Peat whiskey hot,
Tempered with well boiled water;
These make the long nights shorter.
—R. H. Messenger.

Let schoolmasters puzzle their brain,
With grammar and nonsense and learning;
Good liquor, I stoutly maintain
Gives genius a better discerning.
—Oliver Goldsmith.

Drink all—
To Scotch high ball-
It has the call.

A julep on the counter's brim,
A simple julep was to him
And it was nothing more ;
But he took more.
—Puck.
76
A health, gentlemen, Let it go round.
—Henry VIII.
COME fill a bumper, fill it round,
May mirth and wine and wit abound;
For in them true wisdom lies—
As to be merry is to be wise.

To JOHN BArLEYCOBN
May this old life saver never be blamed for our
excesses.

To EVERYBODY
To you, and yours, and theirs, and mine,
I pledge with you, their health in wine.
—Minna Thomas Antrim.


Say, why did Time
His glass sublime
Pill up with sands, unsightly,
When wine_he knew
Runs brisker through
And sparkles far more brightly?
—Thomas Moore.

Here's your health in water, wishing it were wine.
Here's a health to your true love, not forgetting
mine.
77
Heaven give you many, many merry days,
—Merry Wives of Windsor.
GOD made man frail as a bubble;
God made Love, Love made Trouble.
God made the Vine; was it a sin
That Man made Wine to drown Trouble in?

WHISKEY
May those who use it never abuse it.


To A GIN PUNCH
When taken,
To be well shaken.

To A MINT JULEP
One sip of this
Will bathe the drooping spirits
In delight beyond the bliss
Of dreams.

THE COCKTAIL
An auburn drink compose,
Wholesome, of deathless fame.
78
Your heart's desires be with you.
—As You Like It.
WHO'D care to be a bee and sip
Sweet honey from a flower's lip,
When he might be a fly and steer
Head first into a can of beer?

A POET'S WAIL
'Twas ever thus from childhood's hour,
I've seen my fond hopes disappear;
I've always had a champagne thirst,
But have to be content with beer.

Here's to delicate wine and susceptible maidens.

To UNCLE NOAH
So a cup ere we part to the man of our heart,
Old Noah, the primitive grower of wine ;
And one brimming cup, (nay, fill it quite up),
To the angel who gave him the seed of the
vine. —John G. Saxe.

If wine tells truth, and so have said the wise ;
It makes me laugh to think how brandy lies.
—Oliver Wendell Holmes.
79
He calls for wine: "a health" quoth he.
—Taming of the Shrew.
THEN fill a fair and honest cup, and bear it
straight to me;
The goblet hollows all it holds, what e'er the
liquid be,
And may the cherubs on its face, protect me
from the sin
That dooms me to those dreadful words, " My
dear, where have you been? "
— Oliver Wendell Holmes.

Here, waiter, more wine, let me sit while I'm able,
Till all my companions sink under the table.
— Oliver Goldsmith.

Yet I love good wine,
As I love health and joy of heart, but temperately.
—Beaumont and Fletcher.

Then fill the cup, fill high! fill high!
Nor spare the rosy wine,
If death be in the cup, we'll die—
Such death would be divine.
—James Russell Lowell.

Startle, startle, little wink,
How I wonder what you drink ;
Loud for lemonade you cry,
With a countermanding eye.
—Puck.
80
You wish me health in very happy season»
—Henry IV.
HERE'S to old Adam's crystal ale,
Clear, sparkling and divine,
Fair H2O, long may you flow !
We drink your health (in wine).
—Oliver Herford.

If with water you fill up your glasses,
You'll never write anything wise ;
For wine is the horse of Parnassus,
Which hurries a bard to the skies.
— Tom Moore.

To LOVERS OF COLD PUNCH
May their wives never make it too hot for them.

O, fill the wine cup high !
The sparkling liquor pour,
For we will care and grief defy,
They ne'er shall plague us more ;
And ere the snowy foam
From off the wine departs,
The precious draught shall find a home,
A dwelling in our hearts.
—Robert F. Williams.
81
Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.
— Cynic's Calender.
SPARKLING and bright in liquid light
Does the wine oar goblets gleam in;
With hue as red as the rosy bed
Which a bee would choose to dream in.
Then fill to-night with heart so light,
To loves as gay and fleeting
As bubbles that swim on the beaker's brim,
And break on the lips while meeting.
Oh Í if mirth might arrest the flight
Of Time through Life's dominions,
We here awhile would now beguile
The graybeard of his pinions.
So drink to-night with hearts as light,
To loves as gay and fleeting
As bubbles that swim on the, beaker's brim,
And break on the lips while meeting.
But since Delight can't tempt the wight,
Nor fond Regret delay him,
Nor Love himself can hold the elf,
Nor sober Friendship stay him.
We'll drink to-night with hearts as light,
To loves as gay and fleeting
As bubbles that swim on the beaker's brim,
And break on the lips while meeting.
— Charles Fenno Hoffman,
82
To God, thy country, and thy friend be true.
— Vaughan.
Patriotic Toasts
Our hearts where they rocked our cradle,
Our love where we spent our toil,
And our faith, and our hope and our honor,
We pledge to our native soil.
—Kipling.


Here's to the American Eagle : The liberty
bird that permits no liberties.


To THE NATION
We have toasted all names and all places,
We've toasted all kinds of game,
Why not just for loyalty's sake
Drink one to our Nation's name.
85
Party spirit is an evil spirit.
—Anon.
TO the memory of
GEORGE WASHINGTON,
The childless father of eighty millions.

To COLUMBIA
Here's a health to Columbia, the pride of the
earth.
The stars and the stripes—drink to the land of
our birth !
Toast the army and navy who fought for our
cause,
Who conquered and won us our freedom and
laws.

OUR COUNTRY
To her we drink, for her we pray,
Our voices silent never;
For her we'll fight, come what may,
The stars and stripes forever !
—Stephen Decatur.

'Ere's to the 'ealth of your Royal 'Ighness;
hand may the skin o' ha gooseberry be big
enough for han humbrella to cover hup hall your
enemies. —Caddy's Toast in "Erminie.'
86
Every little fish would become a whale.
—Danish Saying.
OUR Country, may she always be in the
right—but right or wrong—Our Country.
—Stephen Decatur.

THE STARS AND STRIPES
The Lily of France may fade,
The Thistle and Shamrock wither,
The Oak of England may decay,
But the Stars shine on forever.

A WOMAN'S TOAST
The soldiers of America,
Their arms our defense,
Our arms their recompense—
Pall in, men ; fall in !

To AULD IRELAND
Here's to the land of the shamrock so green,
Here's to the lad and his darling colleen;
Here's to the one we love dearest and most,
And may God save auld Ireland—-
That's an Irishman's toast.
87
Give me liberty, or give me death.
—Patrick Henry.
COME, fill the glass and drain the bowl;
May Love and Bacchus still agree;
And every American warm his soul
With Cupid, Wine, and Liberty.

AMERICA
Our hearts, our hopes are all with thee,
Our hearts, our hopes, our prayers, our tears,
Our faith triumphant over our fears,
Are all with thee, are all with thee.
—James Russell Lowell.

A SPREAD-EAGLE TOAST

The boundaries of our country : East, by the
Rising Sun ; north, by the North Pole ; west, by
all creation; and south, by the Day of Judgment.

To OUR FATHERLAND
The sparkling juice now pour,
With fond and liberal hand;
O, raise the laughing rim once more,
Here's to our Fatherland.
—Robert F. Williams.
88
Join we together for the public good,
—King Henry VI.
HERE'S to American valor,
May no war require it, but may it ever be
ready for every foe.

To OUR ARMY
Here's to Uncle Sam's fighters,
Models of all that is brave,
Terrors to all who are unfair.
—Minna Thomas Antrim.

THE NATION
May it be no North, no South, no East, no
West, but only one broad, beautiful, glorious
land.

AMERICA
My native land! I turn to you,
With blessing and with prayer,
Where man is brave and woman true,
And free as mountain air.
Long may our flag in triumph wave
Against the world combined,
And friends a welcome—foes a grave,
Within our borders find.
—Morris.
89
Nations like men have their infancy,
—Bolingbroke.
OUR National Birds:
THE AMERICAN EAGLE,
THE THANKSGIVING TURKEY,
May one give us peace in all our states—
And the other a piece for all our plates.

To OUR NAVY
From its dandy Admiral to the man behind
the gun.

To THE PRESIDENT
God save the President of the United States,
and he will save God's country.

Our country is that spot to which our heart is
bound.
— Voltaire.

THE UNION
One flag, one land, one heart, one hand,
One nation evermore !
—Oliver Wendell Holmes.
90
Thank God, I—I also am an American!
— Webster.
THE union of lakes, the union of lands,
The union of states none can sever;
The union of hearts, the union of hands
And the flag of the Union forever and ever.

My country is the world, and my religion is
to do good.
—Thomas Paine.

To AULD IRELAND
Pat may be foolish and sometimes very wrong—
Pat has a temper which don't last very long—
Pat is full of jollity that everybody knows
And you'll never find a coward where the Sham-
rock grows.
91
Our country is the common parent of all.
—Cicero.
BREATHES there a man with soul so dead,
Who never to himself hath said,
This is my own, my native land?
Whose heart hath ne'er within him burned,
As home his footsteps he hath turned.
From wandering on a foreign strand ?
If such there breathe, go, mark him well;
For him no minstrel raptures swell;
High though his titles, proud his name,
Boundless his wealth as wish can claim,
Despite those titles, power and pelf,
The wretch, concentered all in self,
Living, shall forfeit fair renown,
And, doubly dying, shall go down
To the vile dust from whence he sprung,
Unwept, unhonored, and unsung.
—Sir Walter Scott,
"Lay of the Last Minstrel."
92
One swallow does not make a summer
drink. —Puck.
Drinking Toasts.
Ship me somewheres east of Suez, where the best is like
the worst,
Where there aren't no ten commandments an' a man
can raise a thirst.
—Kipling.

THE bubble winked at me and said,
"You'll miss me brother, when you're
dead."
— Oliver Herford.
•

To "A GOOD OLD TIME"
We would have all as merry as
Good company, good whiskey and good welcome
Can make good people.
95
Good drink drives out bad thoughts.
—Dutch.
DRINK, my jolly lads, drink with discerning,
Wedlock's a lane where there is no turning;
Never was owl more blind than lover;
Drink and be merry, lads; half seas over.
—D. M. Mulock.

I drink to the general joy of the whole table.
—Macbeth.

To AN EVEN TEMPERATURE
Keep your head cool and your feet warm,
And a glass of good whiskey will do you no harm.

To HONESTY
He who goes to bed, and goes to bed sober,
Falls as the leaves do and dies in October;
But he who goes to bed, and goes to bed mellow;
Lives as he ought to do, and dies an honest
fellow.

Let's be gay while we may,
And seize love with laughter.
I'll be true, as long as you,
And not a moment after.
96
They that drink longest live longest.
—Anon.
DRINK to-day and drown all sorrow;
You shall perhaps not do't to-morrow;
Best while you have it, use your breath,
There is no drinking after death.
—Beaumont and Fletcher.

One glass is wholesome,
Two glasses toothsome,
Three glasses blithesome,
Four glasses fulsome,
Five glasses noisome,
Six glasses quarrelsome,
Seven glasses darksome.
—After Charles Lamb.

Nothing in Nature's sober found,
But an eternal "health" goes round,
Fill up the bowl, then, fill it high—
Fill all the glasses there; for why
Should every creature drink but I;
Why, man of morals, tell me why?
—Abraham Cowley.

Health, love and ready rhino
To every one that you and I know.
97
And once again a pot o' the smallest ale.
— Taming of the Shrew.
THEN fill the glass—away with gloom,
Our joys shall always last;
For hope will brighten days to come,
And memory guild the past.
—Thomas Moore.

Laugh at all things,
Great and small things,
Sick or well, at sea or shore;
While we're quaffing,
Let's have laughing,
Who the devil cares for more?
—Byron.

CLOVER CLUB TOAST
Here's to a long life and a merry one,
A quick death and a happy one,
A good girl and a pretty one,
A cold bottle and another one.

THE SCIENCE OF DRINKING
The first draught a man drinks ought to be for
thirst, the second for nourishment, the third for
pleasure and the fourth for madness.
—Anacharsis.
98
Fill till the cup be hid.
—Anthony and Cleopatra.
COME, fill up your glass, and fill to the brim,
And drink with me to the health of him,
Who feels as he kisses its contents away,
That it was made to gladden and not to
betray.

TO MlRTH
Care to our coffin adds a nail, no doubt,
And every grin, so merry, draws one out.
—John Wolcott.

If on my theme I rightly think,
There are five reasons why men drink:
Good wine, a friend, because I'm dry,
Or lest I should be bye and bye,
Or any other reason why.
—John Sirmond.

Here's to you all, boys,
Luck, love and friendship!
Here's to you all, boys,
But all the sorrows skip.

To every lovely lady bright,
I wish a gallant faithful knight;
To every faithful lover, too
I wish a trusting lady true.
—Scott.
99
Here then, bumpers, you rogues, bumpers,
—School for Scandal.
HERE is a riddle most abstruse;
Canst read the answer right?
Why is it that my tongue grows loose,
Only when I grow tight?

To BRIGHTER DAYS
Then fill up a social glass,
Never mind the dapple dawn;
Just sit awhile, the sun may shine
And light us across the lawn.

To GOOD NATURE
May the beam in the glass never destroy the ray
in the mind,
May a quarrelsome drinker be compelled to be a
teetotaler.

To GOOD-FELLOWSHIP
Now one other health
To our grand patron called Good-Fellowship;
Whose livery all our people hereabout
Are clad in.
—Dekker and Ford.
1OO
This do I drink to thee,
—Romeo and Juliet.
COME and take at my table a seat
( Tho' granting the times may be bad)
Now and then a good dinner I get,
And my share of good whiskey I've had.

To THE COCKTAIL
Drink of this cup—you'll find there a spell in
Its every drop 'gainst the ills of mortality;
Talk of the cocktail that sparkled for Helen;
Her cup was a fiction, but this is a reality.

To GOOD DIGESTION
I cannot eat but little meat,
My stomach is not good;
But sure, I think, that I can drink
With him that wears a hood.
. —Bishop Still.

To THE BOTTOM OF THE GLASS
Fill the cup and let it come, I pledge you a
mile to the bottom.
—Henry IV.
101
I drink no more than a sponge,
—Rabelais.
HERE'S health to the girl who will drink
when she can ;
Here's health to the girl who will " rush the
tin can,"
And health to the girl who can dance the
can-can—
'Tis the canny toast of an uncanny man.

To A FAT friend
Laugh and be fat, sir, your penance is known;
They that love mirth let them heartily drink,
'Tis the only receipt to make sorrow sink.
—Ben Johnson.

Back and side go bare, go bare,
Both foot and hand go cold;
But, belly, God send thee good ale enough,
Whether it be new or old.
—Bishop Still.

Clink, clink your glasses and drink ;
Why should we trouble borrow?
Care not for sorrow,
A fig for the morrow !
To-night let's be merry and drink.
102
How use doth breed a habit in a man.
—Shakespeare.
NOW, down with care and blithely swear
A truce to melancholy ;
Let each good soul fill up his bowl
And drink a toast to folly.
—Richard Stillman Powell.

A glass is good, and a lass is good,
And a pipe to smoke in cold weather;
The world is good, and the people arc good,
And we're all good fellows together.
—John O'Keefe.

Here's that we may live to eat the hen
That scratches on our grave.

DUM VIVIMUS VIVAMUS
While we live, let's live in clover,
For when we're dead, we're dead all over.

AN HONEST TOAST
Well ! here's luck, great luck,
Such luck as ne'er was known ;
May the winner's pockets bulge with coin,
And those pockets be—my own.
—Minna Thomas Antrim.
103
The more you drink the more you crave,
—Pope.
THE old word " swink,"
Means work, I think,
It rhymes exceeding well with " chink ;"
Then here's to " swink "
That we may clink
The wherewithal a while to drink.
—Alfred Erenn.

To GOOD HUMOR
A bump of good liquor
Will end a contest quicker
Than justice, judge or vicar;
So fill a cheerful glass
And let good humor pass.

To FORGETTING
Drain wo the cup.
Friend, art afraid?
Spirits allayed
In the Red Sea,
Mantle it up;
Empty it yet;
Let us forget
'Round the old tree.
—Thackeray.
104
There is no soak without some fire-water.
—Cynic's Calendar.
DRINK! for you know not whence you came—
Nor why.
Drink! for you know not why you go—
Nor where.
—Omar Khayyam.

Here's to Hell, toss it off in a quaff, lads,
Drink the health of the Devil, and laugh, lads,
Pledge the tale of the Wheat and the Chaff, lads ;
Here's to Hell.
—Eugene R. White.

Let those who drink not, but austerely dine,
dry up in law ; the Muses smell of wine.
—Horace.

Fill up the goblet and reach me some.
Drinking makes wise, but dry fasting makes
glum!
— Wm. R. Alger, Oriental Poetry.

A cheerful glass, a pretty lass,
A friend sincere and true;
Blooming health, good store of wealth,
Attend on me and you.
105
And who gave thee that jolly red nose ?
—Ravenscroft.
HERE'S long life and prosperity
To all of your posterity ;
And those that don't drink with sincerity
May they be damned to eternity.

TOAST OF THE VAMPIRE CLUB
All care to the wind we merrily fling,
For the damp, cold grave is a dead sure thing !
It's a dead sure thing we're alive tonight
And the damp, cold grave is out of sight.
—Ernest Jarold.

We'll have it all in drink ; let meat and lodg-
ing go; they are transitory and show men merely
mortal.
—Beaumont and Fletcher.

Here's to the maiden of bashful fifteen,
Here's to the widow of fifty,
Here's to the flaunting, extravagant queen,
And here's to the housewife that's thrifty.
Let the toast pass,
Drink to the lass,
I'll warrant she'll prove an excuse for the glass.
—Sheridan.
106
Too much is plenty.
— Weber and Fields.
WITH an honest old friend, and a merry old
song,
And a flask of old Port, let me sit the
night long,
And laugh at the malice of those who repine,
That they must drink porter whilst I can
drink wine.
—Henry Carey.

Fill up the bowl, upon my soul,
Your trouble you'll forget, sir;
If it takes more, fill twenty score,
Till you have drowned regret, sir.
—Alfred Brenn.

What do you think?
Here's a good drink,
Perhaps you may not know it.
If not in haste,
Do stop and taste,
Yon merry folks will show it.
— Wm. Molineaux.
24 June, 1774, Boston.
Written on a window pane of the once famous hostelry,
the Red Horse Tavern at Sudbury, Mass., built in 1681.
107
I
This is nectar, the very nepenthe the
gods were drunk with. —Randolph.
AN A 1 APOSTROPHE.
The Colonel told me
That the constitution
And the cocktail
Follow
The flag.
He gave me
An amber-colored beverage
With a roguish little cherry
Nestling at the bottom ;
And oh!
Little friend,
When I felt
That delicious liquid
Trickle
Down the corridors
Of my inmost being,
All
The incandescent lights
Were turned on,
And the birds
Began to sing.
Felt myself
Bursting
Into full bloom,
Like
A timid little flower
Kissed
By the morning sunlight;
So—
I ordered two more. —George Ade,
(In Sultan of Zulu.)
108
I do now remember the poor creature,
small beer -Henry IV.
BEER .
Here,
With my beer
I sit,
While golden moments flit;
Alas!
They pass
Unheeded by;
And as they fly,
I,
Being dry,
Sit, idly sipping here
My beer.
O, finer far
Than fame, or riches, are
The graceful smoke-wreaths of this free cigar !
Why
Should I
Weep, wail or sigh?
What if luck has passed me by?
What if my hopes are dead,—
My pleasures fled?
Have I not still
My fill
Of right good cheer,—
Cigars and beer?
109
Well, here's my comfort.
— The Tempest.
Go, whining youth,
Forsooth !
Go, weep and wail,
Sigh and grow pale,
Weave melancholy rhymes
On the old times,
Whose joys like shadowy ghosts appear,
But leave to me my beer ;
Gold is dross,—
Love is loss,—
So, if I gulp my sorrows down,
Or see them drown
In foamy draughts of old nut brown,
Then do I wear the crown
Without the cross !
— George Arnold.
110
This bottle makes an angel.
—Henry IV.
Sentimental Toasts
And let the Loving- Cup go round,
The cup with blessed memories crowned.
That flows when e'er we meet—my boys.
No draught will hold a drop of sin,
If love is only well stirred in
To keep it sound and sweet—my boys.
To keep it sound and sweet.
—Oliver Wendell Holmes.

THE good die young—
Here's hoping that you may live to a ripe
old age.

To HARDER TIMES
May we keep a little of the fuel of youth to
warm our body in old age.
«3
My nearest and dearest enemy,
—Middleton.
HERE'S to the merry old world
And the days—be they bright or blue—
Here's to the Fates, let them bring what they
may,
But the best of them all—That's you!

To FORGETTING
'Tis better to forget, than remember with regret.
—Minna Thomas Antrim.

Here's a sigh to those who love me,
And a smile to those who hate;
And whatever sky's above me,
Here's a heart for every fate.
Were't the last drop in the well,
As I gasped upon the brink,
Ere my fainting spirit fell,
'Tis to thee that I would drink,
—Lord Byron.

I drink it as the Fates ordain it,
Come, fill it, and have done with rhymes;
Fill up the lonely glass, and drain it
In memory of dear old times.
—Thackeray.
114
Potations pottle deep,
— Othello.
HERE'S to the tears of affection,
May they crystallize as they fall,
And become pearls, so in after years
To be worn in memory of those whom we
have loved.

A HEALTH !
And here let Time hold still his restless glass
That not another golden sand may fall
To measure how it passeth.
—Dekker and Ford.

Here's a health to the Future ;
A sigh for the Past;
We can love and remember,
And hope to the last,
And for all the base lies
That the almanacs hold
While there's love in the heart,
We can never grow old.

To BRIGHTER DAYS
May the happiest days of your past
Be the saddest days of your future.
115
Drink, pretty creature, drink !
— Wordsworth.
FRIEND of my soul! this goblet sip—
'Twill chase the pensive tear;
'Tis not so sweet as a woman's lip,
But O ! 'tis more sincere.
Like her delusive beam,
'T will steal away the mind;
But unlike affection's dream,
It leaves no sting behind.
—Tom Moore.

The world is filled with flowers,
The flowers are filled with dew,
The dew is filled with love
For you, and you, and you.

To OUR ILLUSTRIOUS DEAD
Over their hallowed graves may the winds of
heaven whisper hourly benedictions.

To GOOD WISHES
May you live a goodly number of years, and
upon each one carve the word " success."
116
Salutation and greeting to you all,
—As You Like It.
WE come into this world all naked and bare;
We go through this world full of sorrow
and care;
We go out of this world, we know not where;
But if we're good fellows here, we'll be
thoroughbreds there.
—A Favorite Toast of the Elks.

Fill the goblet again; for I never before
Felt the glow which now gladdens my heart to
its core.
Let us drink; who would not? since through
life's varied round
In the goblet alone no deception is found.
—Lord Byron.

Oh! here's to other meetings
And other greetings then,
And here's to those we've drunk with,
But never can again.

HOPE
May the sunshine of hope dispel calamity's
clouds.
117
Half-heart is no heart,
—Anon.
FILL the bumper fair !
Every drop we sprinkle
O'er the brow of care
Smoothes away a wrinkle.
Wit's electric flame
Ne'er so swiftly passes
As when through the frame
It shoots from brimming glasses.
—Thomas Moore.

To OUR LOVED ONES
If the stock of our bliss is in stranger hands
rested,
The fund, ill-secured, oft in bankruptcy ends;
But the heart issues bills which are never pro-
tested,
When drawn on the firm of wife, children and
friends.
— W. R. Spencer.

Be good, let who will be clever,
Do noble things, not dream them all day long,
And thus make life, death and that vast forever
One grand sweet song.

HOME
A world of strife shut out, and a world of love
shut in.
118
Nothing succeeds like success,
—Talleyrand.
SOLITUDE.
Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone;
For the sad old earth
Must borrow its mirth,
It has trouble enough of its own.
Sing, and the hills will answer;
Sigh, it is lost on the air;
The echoes bound
To a joyful sound,
But are slow to voice your care.
Rejoice, and men will seek you;
Grieve, and they turn and go;
They want full measure
Of all your pleasure,
But they do not want your woe.
Be glad, and your friends are many;
Be sad, and you lose them all;
There are none to decline
Your nectared wine,
But alone you must drink life's gall.
119
There's a gude time coming.
—Scott, Rob Roy.
Feast, and your halls are crowded;
Fast, and the world goes by;
Succeed and give
And it helps you live,
But no man can help you die.
There is room in the halls of pleasure
For a large and lordly train;
But one by one
We must all file on
Through the narrow isles of pain.
—Etta Wheeler Wilcox.
120
Beware of spooning and mooning.
—Anon.
Toasts to Sweethearts.
I know the thing that's most uncommon;
(Envy be silent and attend)
I know a reasonable woman,
Handsome, and witty, yet a friend.
—Pope.

HERE'S to our sweethearts and our wives;
May our sweethearts soon become our wives
And our wives ever remain our sweethearts.
- U. 8. Navy.

To CONSTANCY
One sweetheart, one bottle, and one friend—
the first beautiful; the second full; and the last
ever faithful.
123
What will Mrs. Grundy say?
—J .Morton.
DRINK ye to her that, each loves best;
And if you nurse a flame
That's told but to her mutual breast,
We will not ask her name.
—Thomas Campbell.

While there's life on the lip, while there's warmth
in the wine,
One deep health I'll pledge, and that health shall
be thine.
—Owen Meredith.

Here's health to the bold, dashing coquette
Who careth not for me;
Whose heart, untouched by love as yet,
Is wild and fancy free.
Toasts of love to the timid dove
Are always going 'round;
Let mine be heard to the untamed bird,
And make your glasses sound!

Here's to the San Francisco girl,
A veritable peachy pearl,
Who makes the diver in his glee
Forget the pearls beneath the sea.
124
Faint heart ne'er won fair lady,
—P. Fletcher.
HERE'S to the girl that I love best,
I picked her out from all the rest;
She's not here to take her part,
So I'll drink to her with all my heart.

To "BABY"
Not a sweet little cherub in mother's arms,
But one particular baby of matured charms.

Here's to the girl I love,
I wish that she were nigh;
If drinking beer would bring her here,
I'd drink the d---n place dry.

OUR SWEETHEARTS
Our sweethearts, may they ever seem as sweet,
and ours always be their hearts.
—Minna Thomas Antrim.

To MY MISTRESS
I'll drink to her as long as there is a passage
in my throat and drink in Illyria.
—Twelfth Night.

Here's lovers two to the maiden true,
And four to the maid caressing;
But the wayward girl with the lips that curl
Keeps twenty lovers guessing.
125
It takes two to make a quarrel.
—Old Saying.
HERE'S to the prettiest,
Here's to the wittiest,
Here's to the truest of all who are true.
Here's to the neatest one,
Here's to the sweetest one,
Here's to them all in one—here's to you.

To MY SWEETHEART
She is pretty to walk with,
She is pretty to talk with,
And pleasant, too, to think on.
—Suckling.

When e'er with friends I drink,
Of one I always think.
She's pretty, she's witty and so true;
So, with joy and great delight
I'll drink to her to-night,
And when doing so think none the less of you!

THE "CHARMER"
Fill a dozen bumpers to a dozen beauties, and
she that floats on top is the maid that has be-
witched you.
—Sheridan, "School for Scandal."
126
Lovers who dispute, adore.
—From the French.
FILL to your mistress' lips,
We drink this health to you.
—Pericles.

Here's to the one I love,
May that one be thee;
Here's to the one you love,
May that one be me.

To MY SUPPOSED MISTRESS.
Where e'er she be
That not impossible she,
That shall command my heart and me.
—Croshaw.

I fill this cup to one made up
Of loveliness alone,
A woman of her gentle sex
The seeming paragon.
Her health! and would on earth there stood
Some more of such a frame,
That life might be all poetry,
And weariness a name.
—Edward Coate Picnkney.

Here's to one another, and one other
Whoever he or she may be.
127
Marriage is either kill or cure.
—Anon.
HERE'S to the girl that's strictly in it,
Who doesn't lose her head, even for a
minute.
Plays well the game and knows the limit,
And still gets all the fun there's in it.

To MY BEST GIRL
I shall break the laws of Mohammet this
very evening, and toast your health in a bumper.
—Colman.

Here's to one and only one,
And may that one be she,
Who loves but one and only one,
And may that one be me.

THE NAVY'S TOAST
Here's to our wives and our sweethearts,
And may they never meet.

To PLEASANT MEMORIES
The girls we've left behind us.
128
Marriage and hanging go by destiny*
—Middleton.
NOW, with wine as is due, let the honors be
paid,
Whilst I give my hand, heart and head;
Here's to her, the fond mother, dear partner,
kind maid,
Who first taught me to love, woo and wed.
—Thomas Hood.

If all your beauties, one by one,
I pledge, dear, I am thinking
Before the tale were well begun
I had been dead of drinking.
— Oliver Herford.

A health to our sweethearts, our friends and our
wives;
And may fortune smile on them the rest of their
lives.

A HEALTH TO OCR DEAREST
May their purses always be heavy and their
hearts always be light.

THE GIRL WE LOVE
When she is our toast, we don't want any but-
ter.
129
A wilderness of sweets.
—Milton.
THE wealthy fool with gold in store
Will still desire to grow richer,
Give me but these, I ask no more—
My charming girl, my friend, and pitcher.
My friend so rare, my girl so fair,
With such, what mortal can be richer ?
Give me but these, a fig for care,
With my sweet girl, my friend, and pitcher.
From morning sun, I'd never grieve
To toil a hedger, or a ditcher,
If that when I come home at eve,
I might enjoy my friend and pitcher.
My friend so rare, my girl so fair,
With such, what mortal can be richer?
Give me but these, a fig for care,
With my sweet girl, my friend, and pitcher.
Tho' Fortune ever shuns my door—
, I do not know what can bewitch her—
With all my heart can I be poor,
With my sweet girl, my friend, and pitcher.
My friend go rare, my girl so fair,
With such, what mortal can be richer?
Give me but these, a fig for care,
With my sweet girl, my friend, and pitcher.
— Unknown.
130
Beware of two black eyes.
—Anon.
Toasts to Eyes.
Those eyes whose light seemed rather given
To be adored than to adore—
Such eyes as may have looked from heaven,
But ne'er were raised to it before.
—Thomas Moore.

Here's to the light that lies in woman's eyes,
And lies ! and lies !! and lies!!!

To A PASSE FIANCEE
Drink to me only with thine eyes,
And I will pledge with mine;
Or, leave a kiss within the cup—
I'll wash it down with wine.
133
Love's tongue is in the eyes.
—Fletcher.
DRINK to me only with thine eyes,
And I will pledge with mine,
For I would have to pledge my watch
If she should drink more wine.

THE SMILE OF A WOMAN'S EYES
The smile of a woman's eyes,
When the world's contempt has crushed us,
When faith all bruised lies;
The smile of a woman's eyes
Is a promise of Paradise,
And the angel's wings have brushed us—
The smile of a woman's eyes,
When the world's contempt has crushed us.
—Helen Hicks Bates.

Eyes of black or eyes of blue,
Devil a bit does it matter, I say!
If I love one to-day, why to-morrow I may
Have a caprice for the brown or the gray.
So here is a toast for the feminine host,
The blue eyes for me and the black for you;
The one for a time I shall think sublime,
And then if you like I will change with you.
—From "-The Viceroy."
134
Eyes of most unholy blue.
—Moore.
HERE'S a health to the lass with the merry
black eyes.
Here's a health to the lad with the blue
ones.
— William Winter.

To " BLUE EYES "
"Where did you get those eyes of blue?
Out of the sky as I came through.
—George MacDonald.

To " BrOWN EYES "
Deep brown eyes running over with glee;
Blue eyes are pale, and gray eyes are sober;
Bonnie brown eyes are the eyes for me.
— Constance F. Woolson.

To " BLACK EYES "
A gray eye is a sly eye;
And roguish is a brown one;
Turn full upon me thy eye—
Oh, how its wavelets drown one!
A blue eye is a true eye;
Mysterious is a dark one,
Which flashes like a spark—sun!
A black eye is the best one.
-W. R. Alger.
135
The eye is traitor to the heart.
— Wyatt.
RIGHT as the sun her eyes the gazers strike,
And like the sun they shine on all alike,
Yet graceful ease and sweetness void of
pride
Might hide her faults if belles had faults to
to hide.
If to her share some female errors fall
Look on her face and you'll forget them all.
—Pope.
A NIGHT CAP
Brew me a cup for a winter's night,
For the wind howls loud, and the furies fight;
Spice it with love and stir it with care,
And I'll toast your bright eyes, my sweetheart fair.
—Minna Thomas Antrim.

Here's to the girl with eyes of blue,
Whose heart is kind and love is true;
Here's to the girl with eyes of brown,
Whose spirit proud you cannot down ;
Here's to the girl with eyes of gray,
Whose sunny smile drives care away ;
Whate'er the hue of their eyes may be,
I'll drink to the girls this toast with thee !
136
Woman's weapons, water-drops.
—King Lear.
TO CELIA.
Drink to me only with thine eyes,
And I will pledge with mine ;
Or leave a kiss but in the cup,
And I'll not look for wine.
The thirst that from the soul doth rise,
Doth ask a drink divine :
But might I of Jove's nectar sup,
I would not change from thine.
I sent thee late a rosy wreath,
Not so much honouring thee,
As giving it a hope that there
It could not withered be.
But thou thereon didst only breathe,
And sent'st it back to me :
Since when it grows, and smells, I swear,
Not of itself, but thee.
—Ben Johnson.
137

Thou cuttest my head off with a golden axe.
—Romeo and Juliet.
Miscellaneous Toasts.
No churchman am I for to rail and to write;
No statesman nor soldier to plot or to fight ;
No sly man of business contriving a snare,
For a big-bellied bottle's the whole of my care.
—Burns.

HERE'S to your wedding and many of them.
—David Warfield, Auctioneer.

Here's to a world rounder than this
A country better than this;
A city finer than this ;
A whiskey smoother than this ;
But where are they?
138
At least two glasses.
—The Tempest.
ENJOY the spring of Love and Youth,
To some good angel leave the rest.
For all too soon we learn the truth ;
There are no birds in last year's nest.

To GOLDEN TRESSES
Some take their gold in minted mould,
And some in harps hereafter,
But give me mine in tresses fine,
And keep the change in laughter.
—Oliver Herford.

Here's a toast to all who are here,
No matter where you're from ;
May the best day you have seen
Be worse than the worst to come.

THE BRIDE
May your hours of joy be as numerous as the
petals in your bridal bouquet.

To BRIDE AND GROOM
May their joys be as bright as the morning,
and their sorrows but shadows that fade in the
sunlight of love.
141
Where's this cup I called for ?
—Anthony and Cleopatra.
GATHER kittens while you may,
Time brings only sorrow,
And the kittens of to-day,
Will be old cats to-morrow.
—Oliver Herford.

Here's to the whole world, for fear some fool
may be Blighted.

To THE BrIDE AND GROOM
Look down you gods,
And on this couple drop a blessed crown.
—The Tempest.

Here's to Maxwelton's braes bonny,
Where early falls the dew,
But without some good Scotch whiskey
The dew would chill you through.
So take a horn or two—
No harm to make it three—
Ere for bonny Annie Laurie
You shall lay you down and dee.
—Puck.

A TIMELY TOAST
May every liar be possessed of a good memory.
142
Some sweet, oblivious antidote.
—Anthony and Cleopatra.
HERE'S to a bird, a bottle and an open-work
stocking.
There's nothing in this that's so very shock-
ing;
The bird came from Jersey, the bottle from
France,
The open-work stocking was seen at a dance.
—A Popular Elk Toast.

To THE HOMELY THREE
A good book, a bright light, and an easy chair.

To LA CIGARETTE
To that daintiest siren of puff and perfume, a
Turkish cigarette.

TO A CIGAR
It's better to smoke here than hereafter.

To DARKNESS
May we find no light in the hall-way, nor wife
perched on the stairs.
143
Can you eat roots, and drink cold water ?
—Timon of Athens.
LITTLE George, he took his hatchet,
Drove it in a poor cherry tree ;
Now did George or hatchet catch it ?
No, alas ; it was the tree.
Then here's to George, and here's to the axe,
And here's to the father, that's three,
And now we know the inside facts,
We'll drink to the victim, the tree.

Here's to the best thing in the world ....
.....?—Money.

To A CUP OF COFFEE
Balm of my cares, sweet solace of my toils !
Hail juice benignant!
To the unknown beloved,
This is my good wishes.

HOME
The place where you are treated best and
grumble most.

INDUSTRY
The right hand of fortune, the grave of care
and the cradle of content.
144
Is it so nominated in the bond ?
—Merchant of Venice.

MAY Dame Fortune ever smile on you;
but never her daughter—Miss Fortune.

To "THE HONEYMOON"
So called because it is so sweet compared with
the bitter months that follow.

To OUR TOWN
The best in the land; let him who don't like it
leave it.
Here's to turkey when you are hungry,
Champagne when you are dry,
A pretty girl when you need her,
And heaven when you die.

Here's to the health of.......
The old bird that was not caught with chaff.
145
Certainly this is a duty, not a sin.
—John Wesley.
HERE'S to the Chaperone,
May she learn from Cupid,
Just enough blindness to be sweetly stupid.

The good die young—
Here's hoping that you may live to a ripe old
age.

THE THREE GREAT COMMANDERS
May we always be under the orders of General
Peace, General Plenty and General Prosperity.

A SurE THING
Here's to the girl who is stuck on herself with-
out a rival.

To HAMLET'S GHOST
Here's that a spook may us affright,
Wherever we may roam ;
For if the "ghost walks" not all right,
We actors must walk home.
—An Actor's Toast.
146
A thing of custom;—'tis no other,
—Macbeth.
WELL," murmured one, "let whoso make
or buy,
My clay with long oblivion is one dry
But fill me with the old familiar juice,
Methinks I might recover bye and bye."
—Omar Khayyam.

To OUR HOST
An excellent man ; for, is not a man fairly
judged by the company he keeps ?

THE GUEST OF THE EVENING
Fill up boys, to our royal guest, the prince of
good fellows.

To AMBITION
Let us keep our eyes on the stars though our
souls be in the mud.

To GOOD NATURE
I'll pledge a toast, and dare to boast
It's ne'er been given before;
Here's to the man, who'll swear by Pan
His head has ne'er been sore.
—Minna Thomas Antrim.
147
'Tís nothing when you are used to it.
—Swift.
MAY the devil cut the toes of all our foes,
That we may know them by their limp-
ing.

" THE CYPHER "
A place that is dear to true Bohemians—
A place that exists in the hearts of those who
love it,
A place where hearts beat light, and hands
grasp firm;
Where poverty is no disgrace and charity does
not chill,
A place where kindred virtues have fled for
refuge,
And Mrs. Grundy has no sway.

To A NEWLY MARRIED COUPLE
May all your troubles be little ones.

To PERFECTION
Bachelor's wives and Old Maid's children.

RIP VAN WINKLE'S TOAST
Here's to your good health, and your family's
good health, and may you live long and prosper.
— Used by Joseph Jefferson.
148
'Tís as easy as lying.
—Hamlet.
HERE'S a toast to the host who carved the
roast;
And a toast to the hostess—may none ever
" roast" us.

AN IRISHMAN'S TOAST
Here's hoping misfortune may ever pursue
you,—and never overtake you.

To PROSPERITY
May your shadow never grow less.

HOME
The father's Kingdom ; the child's paradise;
the mother's world.

To THE LEGAL FRATERNITY
Here's to bride and mother-in-law,
Here's to groom and father-in-law,
Here's to sister and brother-in-law,
Here's to friends and friends-in-law—
May none of them need an attorney-at-law.
149
Let us sacrifice to the Muses.
—Plutarch.
LAGER, der girls, and der dollars—dey makes
or dey breaks a man.
—Kipling.

I takes my pipe, I takes my pot;
And drunk I am never seen to be;
I'm no teetotaler, or sot,
And as I am I mean to be.
—Gilbert.

To UNSELFISHNESS
All who joy would win
Must share it:—Happiness was born a twin.
—Byron.

Here's a health to Detail, Retail and Curtail
—indeed all the tails except tell-tales.

" Boys, the frog is a lucky fellow : he
Don't have to waste his wages for his beer:
The drink he likes, he swims in, don't you see I"

To WINE, WIT AND WISDOM
Wine enough to sharpen wit, wit enough to
give zest to wine; wisdom enough to " shut
down " at the right moment.
150
Let's do it after the high Roman fashion.
—Anthony and Cleopatra.
STRONG ale was ablution,
Small beer persecution,
A drum was memento mori;
But a full-flowing bowl
Was the saving his soul,
And port was celestial glory.
—Burns.

A " QUErY "
Did you ever hear of Captain Wattle ?
He was all for love and a little bottle.
—Charles Dibden.

My fancy's still awake,
Thoughtful of drink.
—J. Philips.

A NEGRO'S TOAST
Little ter-day an' little ter-morrer,
Out o' meal an' bound ter borrer;
Hoe cake an' dab o' dough,
Dash her down and say no mo'.
Peace at home and pleasure abroad,
Please your neighbor an' sarve the Lord.
God bless you!
151
I
Barkis is wíllin'.
—Dickens.
HERE'S to the press, the pulpit and the pet-
ticoat, the three ruling powers of the day.
The first spreads knowledge, the second
spreads morals, and the third spreads over a
multitude of sins.
—Edgerton Harvey.

To VlRTUE
That is to say—Discretion.

To MORAL STRENGTH
May we cultivate it, particularly, to withstand
the fascinations of the great God, chance.

To CONSISTENCY
May we keep this jewel bright in the saw-dust
of common sense.

To THE SIXTH SENSE
May the right person say the right thing to
the right person in the right way at the right
time and in the right place.
—Minna Thomas Antrim.
152
Fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast in 't.
—Merry Wives of Windsor.
IF you'd dip in such joys, come,—the better
the quicker,
But remember the fee—for it suits not my
ends'
To let you make havoc, scot free, with my
liquor,
As though I were one of your heavy-pursed
friends.
— Horace, "To Virgil."

To LONG LIFE
May the chicken never be hatched that will
scratch on your grave.

BIBLICAL TRUTH
We might be better
If we would,
But it's very lonely
Being good;
and
According to Scripture.
You must own,
Man was not built
To be alone.
— William J. Lampton.
153
And brought of mighty ale a large quart.
—Chaucer.
WHAT harm in drinking can there be ?
When punch and life so well agree ?
—Thomas Blacklock.

To THE GOOD THING
When it's exclusively our own.

To THE CLERGY
May these shepherds never "watch their flocks
by night."

To THE GOOD OLD SUMMER TIME
When blue bells ring their merry chime
Announcing June and summer time
And dancing brooks their carols sing
Prophetic of the passing spring
We'll pluck a golden buttercup
And with the dew we'll fill it up,
And drink a health to happy hours—
To singing birds; to fragrant flowers.

To THE DANCE
May we always have wherewith to pay the
piper.
154
What stuff is this ?—How say you ?
— The Tempest.
TO Death, the jolly old bouncer, now
Our glasses let's be clinking,
If he hadn't put others out, I trow,
To-night we'd not be drinking.
—Oliver Herford.

To MONEY
The finest linguist in the world.

A TOAST AFTER VADE
Narcissus of these later days,
I am an arch self lover;
But wine-cup and not stream displays
The beauties I discover.
And watching o'er the color rare
That's given to my complexion,
I dote so on my features there
I swallow the reflection !
—Thomas Walsh.

SKILL
A toast to that good latch-key, that softly
finds its appointed place.
155
Oh heavens! What stuff is here ?
—Measure for Measure.
THE mug and the goblet are vessels, I grant,
Very good in their way ; but I'd sooner,
When I languish with thirst, Or with weari-
ness pant,
Have my beer brought to me in a schooner.
—Puck.

Here's a health to me and mine,
Not forgetting thee and thine ;
And when thee and thine
Come to see me and mine,
May me and mine make thee and thine
As welcome as thee and thine
Have ever made me and mine.
— Old Quaker Toast.

To BOHEMIA
The land of the free and the home of the
beautiful.

To CALIFORNIA
The land of golden rocks, golden fruits and
golden haired women.
156
When in doubt—win the trick.
—Hoyle, " Rule for Learners."
WE may live without poetry, music and art,
We may live without conscience and live
without heart,
We may live without friends; we may
live without books;
But civilized men cannot live without
cooks.
We may live without books,—
What is knowledge but grieving.
We may live without hope,—what is hope
but deceiving.
We may live without love,—what is pas-
sion but pining;
But where is the man who can live with-
out dining ?
—Owen Meredith.

And when like her, oh Saki, you shall pass
Among the Guests Star-scattered on the grass,
And in your blissful errand reach the spot
Where I made One, turn down an empty Glass !
—Omar Khayyam.

THE CLOSING TOAST
To all, to each, a fair good-night,
And pleasant dreams and slumbers light \
—Scott, " Marmion."
157
Who's that called so loudly? A piece of ice.
— Taming of the Shrew.
THE CLINK OF THE ICE.
Notably fond of music, I dote on a sweeter tone
Than ever the harp has uttered or ever the lute
has known.
When I wake at five in the morning with a
feeling in my head
Suggestive of mild excesses before I retired to
bed;
When a small but fierce volcano vexes me sore
inside,
And my throat and mouth are furred with a fur
that seemeth a buffalo hide,—•
How gracious those dews of solace that over my
senses fall
At the clink of ice in the pitcher the boy brings
up the hall!
Oh, is it the gaudy ballet, with features I cannot
name,
That kindles in virile bosoms that slow but de-
vouring flame ?
Or is it the midnight supper, eaten before we
retire,
That presently by combustion setteth us all afire?
158

Whose liquid murmur heard new thirst
excites. —Milton.
Or is it the cheery magnum ?—nay, I'll not chide
the cup
That makes the meekest mortal anxious to
whoop things up :
Yet, what the cause soever, relief comes when
we call,—
Relief with that rapturous clinkety-clink that
clinketh alike for all.
I've dreamt of the fiery furnace that was one
vast bulk of flame,
And that I was Abednego a-wallowing in that
same;
And I've dreamt I was a crater, possessed of a
mad desire
To vomit molten lava, and to snort big gobs of
fire;
I've dreamt I was Roman candles and rockets
that fizzed and screamed,—
In short, I have dreamt the cussedest dreams
that ever a human dreamed :
Bat all the red-hot fancies were scattered quick
as a wink
"When the spirit within that pitcher went clink-
ing its clinkety-clink.
Boy, why so slow in coming with that gracious,
saving cup ?
Oh, haste thee to the succor of the man who is
burning up!
159
For this relief much thanks.
—Hamlet.
See how the ice bobs up and down, as if it wild-
ly strove
To reach its grace to the wretch who feels like
a red-hot kitchen stove!
The piteous clinks it clinks methinks should
thrill you through and through :
An erring soul is wanting drink, and he wants
it p. d. q!
And, lo! the honest pitcher, too, falls in so dire
a fret
That its pallid form is presently bedewed with
a chilly sweat.
May blessings be showered upon the man who
first devised this drink
That happens along at five A. M. with its rap-
turous clinkety-clink!
I never have felt the cooling flood go sizzling
down my throat
But what I vowed to hymn a hymn to that
clinkety-clink devote;
So now, in the prime of my manhood, I polish
this lyric gem
For the uses of all good fellows who are thirsty
at five A. M.,
But specially for those fellows who have known
the pleasing thrall
Of the clink of the ice in the pitcher the boy
brings up the hall.
—Eugene Field.
160
Each woman is Eve throughout the ages.
—George Meredith.

<
I wrote upon the last pages in the book
A tender word of love because I knew
That she would look upon the last leaf first,
Ere she had read the title of it through.
— Tom Mason.
Finis.
161
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