Toasts and After Dinner Speeches (1903)

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Toasts

and After-Dinner Speeches

CONTAINING PRESENTATION, AFTER DIN-
NER, POLITICAL, LEGISLATIVE AND SPEECH-
MAKING IN GENERAL, INCLUDING HUN-
DREDS OP TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS.

ARRANGED AND EDITED BY

WM. YOUNG STAFFORD.

Chicago

Frederick J. Drake & Company
Publishers

______;__________________________

COPYRIGHTED, I903

j BY FREDERICK J. DRAKE 4 CO.

CHICAGO, ILL., U.S.A.

PREFACE

While there are several works oii the prin-
ciples of oratory, and collections of speeches and
toasts innumerable, it is believed that the
specialty selected as the subject of the present
work has been but barely, if at all, touched
upon elsewhere. There are few of us who are
not at some time called on to say a few words
in public; these demands may come when least
expected. To be able to say anything under
such circumstances is not only humiliating to
the individual himself, but may seem dis-
courteous to those who have honored him by
\he call.

There are many having all natural qualifica-
tions demanded, who fail for the want of a few
hints and helps. The difficulties experienced
are often of an imaginary character, or of such
trifling nature that an experienced speaker
would have little comprehension of their crush-
ing effect upon the novice. To point out the

4 PREFACE.

requirements of all ordinary occasions of speech-
making, and to afford such aid as may be useful,
are the aims of this little volume. While avoid-
ing formal rules and elaborate disquisitions,
much care is taken to show clea-ly the thinys
to avoid as well as the things to strive for, in
both the matter and the manner of the speech,
and the particular points of etiquette to be
observed.

Occasionally persons of excessive diffidence,
however fully they may know the requirements
of the occasion or thoroughly prepared them-
selves for their discharge, fail for no other
reason than this timidity. The Author.

CONTENTS

Preface................................ 3

Introduction............................ 5

Table Speaking.......................... 10

Political Speeches........................ 23

Legislative Speaking..................... 37

Speechmaking in General................. 74

Presentation Speeches.................... 90

Special Orations.........................105

Spanish War............................105

Character of Washington.................106

True Moral Courage......................108

Struggle for Liberty.....................109

Patriotism a Reality.....................Ill

What America Has Done for the "World. . . .113

Father of His Country...................115

People Always Conquer..................117

Appeal for Liberty....................... 118

Centennial Oration....................... llf>

Appeal to Young Men.................... 122

Nobility of Labor........................123

Laboring Classes.........................124

Toasts and Sentiments............. .126 to 170

INTRODUCTION

On very great public occasions, none save a
very practiced speaker is apt to be called upon
to address others; but a practiced speaker either
needs no instruction or from a confidence in his
own powers is apt to spurn it. But an ordinary
man finds many periods of his life when he is
suddenly required to face an audience, and
where he is expected by those around him to say
something. On such occasions we have wit-
nessed a vast deal of embarrassment. Men who
could talk well enough on ordinary matters, and
who were fluent of speech among their fellows,
found themselves tongue-tied, or fearfully hesi-
tant, when expected to stand on their legs, and
talk to an audience of a dozen,, none of whom
they regarded as their superiors. It often oc-
curred that an essay upon extemporaneous
speakers, giving hints to those same bashful
fellows . how to speak and act when necessity
calls for speech and action, might save a deal
of trouble and annoyance to all parties.

6 INTRODUCTION

It is not merely the purpose to give models
of speeches which may serve for imitation and
guidance, or with modifications, might even be
cribbed on many occasions, but rather instead
of teaching how to use other people's brains,
to show them how they may cultivate their own,
to show them, whether the quick-witted or dull,
the principles that lie at the bottom of all
manner of speech making, and to teach, not
only the kind of language to be used, but the
mode and manner of using it; the most ordinary
man, though he may not become a great orator
without close study and natural qualifications,
may nevertheless learn to acquit himself credit-
ably when occasion calls for the utterance of
a few well chosen words.

We know there is too much speech-making
among us. The tendency of the age is to gab.
Vanity prompts men to talk, and love of amuse-
ment, or a pernicious custom, impels others to
demand talk. But since it is a tendency of
our people, neither censure nor ridicule will
break it down. The only thing left is to render
it as little offensive as possible. Let us try to
make those who will talk, even in articulo mortis,
talk sense, or that agreeable nonsense which
sometimes is its proper substitute. On most

INTRODUCTION

festive occasions, the audience is a friendly one.
They wish the speaker to succeed. His failure
is not even a satisfaction to his enemies, if
such should happen to be among the guests, for
it would mar the pleasure of the occasion so
much that the gratification of personal spite
would not pay for it. On all such occasions the
party must endeavor to remember that he is
in his own house, in many respects, and that he
is really not making a speech at all.

In that fact lies, however, the genuine cause
of all embarrassment inexperienced and un-
reflecting people suppose, when they are called
on to say anything, that they must deliver
themselves of something witty or profound or
elegant. AVit, if it be real is always acceptable,
but, unless in a practiced hand, is a dangerous
edged tool to handle. Profundity and studied
elegance are out of place at an ordinary social
gathering. A man who has to present some-
thing to his friend, in the presense of common
friends, detracts from the value of the gift, if
he bore the recipient and the rest with a set
oration. Neither the subject nor the time justi-
fies it. A studied piece of declamation ending
by the gift of a walking stick or a silver mug
is like the cry of the street vender in Con-

INTRODUCTION

stantinople: "In the name of Allah and 'he
Prophet—figs!" The rule on this, as on every
other occasion, is to rise to the subject, and not
above it, and when you have done, to stop. The
last is a rule which some speakers think they
should honor more by the breach than the ob-
servance, and this false notion of theirs is what
makes the proceedings in town meetings, and
the debates in legislative bodies so dreary and
tedious to the listeners.

Inseparable from the mode of making small
speeches is the etiquette on such occasions. One
half of the effect is due to decorum. The
speaker has to consider where he is, and who is
around him. He has to study ease of manner
and this is best studied by not thinking of it
at all.

In rising to speak get up naturally and stand
as you always do, without any endeavor to strike
a picturesque attitude. Make no attempt to look
solemn, or you will be apt to look silly. Avoid
gesture, which is only graceful and effective
when it springs from the excitement of the
moment in a long and animated discourse
Speak in your natural tone of voice, neither
too low nor too high—lower at first, and increas-
ing your tone gradually as you go on. Fix your

INTRODUCTION

eye on the farthest man, and speak so that he
can hear you easily, and then all the rest will.
Above all remember that on minor occasions
you rise to talk, and not to declaim; and the
nearer you approach to the colloquial in what
you say, the more you will please your friends,)
and satisfy yourself.

Table Speaking

The American people, like their English, Irish
and Scotch progenitors—to say nothing of the
German element—belong to an eating race; and
no gathering seems complete to them without
an unlimited amount of food and drink be fur-
nished. The phrase, "dinner-speech,'' is gen-
uine, and may be made to include talking at a
variety of places, from a wedding-breakfast to
a clam-bake. But the dinner-speech proper is
of a more formal nature than others of the
genus and some times involves a little pre-
meditation.

The etiquette of a dinner in public differs
very little from that of a dinner given by
gentlemen of elegant habits and sufficient means
to a select party of friends. But in the latter
case the guests are usually those who are accus-
tomed to dining out, and acquainted with its
observances; at a public dinner-table the guests
are mixed. I do not speak of bores, who are
noisy, call loudly to the waiters, and otherwise
10

APTEE DINNER SPEECHES 11

make asses of themselves; nor of people who
insist upon eating peas with their knife, or
suck up their soup with the noise of pigs eating
from a trough. There are very worthy and
estimable people who are guilty of none of
these acts of table ruffianism, who conduct
themselves quietly and decorously, and yet who
are not well acquainted with the etiquette of
the public dinner. They do not know when to
rise, or when to sit down again; when to ap-
plaud or when to refrain from applauding, and
frequently mar the pleasure of the occasion
from the best intention in the world. They
can be as easily taught in one lesson as in
twenty.

At public dinners, whether of a society, or for
political purposes, set speakers of some note are
provided, who respond to the most important
toasts of the day, and it is only when these
have concluded, and the wine has made a
good many circuits around the table, that the
guests clamor for talk from less conspicuous
personages, and insist on every one who is of
any prominence, or even has the reputation of
being "a good fellow," adding his mite to the
treasury of table eloquence. Men at this state
of affairs are not apt to be critical; but they

12 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

will not submit to long speeches. A response
to a call, whether in the shape of a personal
toast, or from being named generally, should be
prompt, short and to the point.

Though you be called out by a personal toast,
do not talk about yourself, or drag your busi-
ness before the company, as many do. We
were present once at a dinner of a horticultural
society, where, for some reasons, or through
want of reason, an undertaker and sexton was
called on to speak; we remember what he said,
almost word for word, and it was as follows:

"I don't know why, Mr. President, I am called on to
talk. I am an undertaker, but I never undertook to
make a speech, unless I was overtaken by liquor, and I
assure you I am quite sober. On such an occasion all
the talking ought to be lively, and from lively people. I
am not lively, and never have a lively time of it, except
when other people go out. I never go out, except pro-
fessionally. I take no pleasure, though as I had a negro
funeral last week, I may say that I went a black burying
for half a day. I cannot make a speech as you see, but
I am much obliged to you for drinking my health—
(please don't drink the good health of too many people
or you might ruin me)—and I will be happy to serve
any of you in the way of ray profession—(Cries of 'Oh!
no!' 'Not for me; thank you!' etc.) I don't mean in
any way but to give you pleasure—say for instance, if
any one of you has the great misfortune to lose his
mother-in-law."

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

1'6

Now this was all funny in its way, but it was
in very bad taste. A short speech at the same
dinner—made in despair by a very bashful
fellow, was accidentally better. He rose, and
after a little hesitancy, said:

"I am very much obliged to you, gentlemen, for drink-
ing my good health; but I neither intend to return the
compliment in kind, for in drinking the health of every
man here, I should lose my own; nor to try to make a
speech, for in that case, I should lose my reputation as a
man of judgment."

Down he sat, and that was the end of it. He
said nothing very brilliant, but he at least did
no discredit to himself.

There are those who have a great aptitude
for saying either humorous or brilliant things
in an easy, natural and off-hand way, and in
consequence are much sought after for public
dinners. A word here in the ear of the reader,
in strict confidence—most of the apropos affairs,
especially the happy extemporaneous hits, have
been carefully studied before hand. No matter
for that, so they are dexterously fitted to the
place and to the occasion. But if a man culti-
vate an easy and natural way of talking—if
he practice saying things without attempt to
astonish or impress, he will be apt in the end

14 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

to astonish himself and impress an audience.
The good company, the genial feeling, and the
flow of spirit of all around him—to say nothing
of the flow of wine—will bring out all the
dormant powers. The first effort is to forget
that he is making a speech at all. We insist on
this, at the risk of offending by repetition, since
it is the key to good speaking on any occasion.

The breakfast speech, little known on this
side of the Atlantic, differs essentially from
the dinner and supper speech. It is a cold-
blooded affair. The dinner speech springs from
the companionship, the wine and the geniality
of the occasion—the breakfast speech comes
from the occasion itself. The dinner speech
may arise unexpectedly; the breakfast speech
is made with malice aforethought. Breakfasts
at which there are a number of guests outside
of the family arc mostly given in this country
on the occasion of weddings. A merry couple,
having been properly tied together, and legally
authorized to pull different ways in harness
for the rest of their joint lives, prepare to
travel away for a time, in order to let every-
body in the railway cars, and in strange hotels,
know that they are bride and groom. Before
they go they feed generally in company with
their friends—that is the bridegroom feeds, it

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

being strict etiquette for the bride to take only
the rations of a hen-sparrow. She may pick a
grain of rice, like Amina, or even eat a pea,
like Beau Brummel, but no more, since her
modesty and blushes are supposed to stand in-
stead of beefsteaks and potatoes. Speeches are
in order, of course. Every one feels the whole
affair is silly, and that he cuts a ridiculous
figure. Hence he finds refuge from his own
annoyance in gabbling himself, or causing
others to gabble. The bridegroom is toasted,
and he replies—generally with something about
"the happiest day of my life"—"unequal to
the occasion"—"thanks not to be expressed" —
and so on. The bride is toasted, and somebody
else replies for her—generally the groomsman,
or "best man"—as they call him. The father
of the bride is toasted, the mother is toasted
everybody is toasted in turn; and all these peo-
ple by themselves or deputy reply. As there
is little to talk about there is generally little
said, though they usually employ a good many
words to say it in.

Any one is liable to be called out at such occas-
ions, and everybody usually is. As the break-
fast is given just before departure, and the
railway train stops to wait for no one, but
vigorously sets off according to the time-table;

TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

as the trunk, basket, little box, big box, band-
box and bundle have been already checked by
one of the groomsmen; there is none too much
lime for the speeches. The breakfast eloquence
has to be fired off like the rifles of sharpshooters,
rapidly and effectively; but the bore of the
crational rifle should be as little as possible.

Supper-speeches are another variation of table
talk; but these and dinner-speeches are essen-
tially the same. There are exceptions, however,
1he two most notable of which are the ball-
supper speech, and that made to the proprietor
(1 the house at a surprise party. The speech
Sit a ball-supper should be particularly light,
irothy and lively, or not at all. People go to
a ball, or a party, to enjoy themselves, and not
to air their learning, their profundity, or their
eloquence. A supper-speech there, as elsewhere,
should have a point, like an epigram, should
be brief, like an epigram, and when its point is
made, it should stop, like an epigram. I just
now remember of a speech of the kind. A
few years since Chas. II. Harris, the well-known
music publisher, gave an invitation supper and
musical party on the occasion of the house of
which he was head and founder having reached
its 15th anniversary. It was a very pleasant
evening—several quite eminent artists rendered

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

some music charmingly, and Mr. Harris himself
gave one of his own compositions with spirit
and taste. The collation w^as excellent too, and
evidently every one present was pleased.
As the wine began to flow, some speeches were
made in German and English, complimenting
the host of the evening, and he was called on
for a response. Now the gentleman could ren-
der his feelings very well in a rhythmical way,
but was not equal to the task through plain
prose; and he requested, through a common
friend, that a well known literary gentleman
then present, and who had taken no apparent
interest in the proceedings should reply for
him. The gentleman, to whom the summons
was unexpected—he had never seen Harris be-
fore, though he knew his history, rose, and said,
as nearly as we recollect:

"ilr. Harris distrusts his own power of expression, or
possibly feels that his emotions will not allow him to
use language fitting the occasion; and he has asked me
to return thanks for all the kind words used in his honor,
and for the kind feeling which showTs as much even in
your manner as the words. I shall not attempt to do it.
There is an eloquence in his eyes that needs no words to
interpret it. Besides why should you be thanked for
what you cannot help You are most of you either musi-
cians or lovers of music. In honoring one who has dur-
ing his long connection with the trade done so much to

TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

elevate the standard of taste, and to reconcile purism
with progress, you honor the art you love, and so honor
yourselves. Mr. Harris for fifteen years has been at the
head of a house, which has given the public the best
productions of the best masters, and has never through
a love of gain lent its imprint to what was false to taste
or impure in morals. Your presence to-night it would
have been impossible to refuse. The date is an epoch.
The occasion is a festivity. It is more. You are not
here to flatter the successful publisher, or to pay a trib-
ute to the man who has possibly amassed a competence.
Fifteen years since Charlie Harris was married to art,
and you are here to celebrate his fifteenth anniversary."

The other exceptional table-speech is that of
the surprise party. When you have imper-
tinently taken possession of a man's house for
the purpose of a frolic, you have to temper your
acts of social ruffianism by a faint effort to
practice some of the amenities of life. You
must at least say something to tickle the vanity
of the man you have injured. Always presum-
ing that your host is a fool, and, being a fool,
does not set his dog on to bite you, or does not
have yourself and your confederates removed
by the police, it becomes your duty to utter a
few pleasant sayings. There are some people
who, after they have got up a surprise party,
and have turned a man's house upside down,
have the temerity and bad taste to clap him on

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

the back with the brutal exclamation—"High
old time, Jonesy, my boy!" or the impertinent
inquiry—"How are you enjoying yourself, old
fellow?" The artistic and aesthetic surprise-
party brigand acts better. He waits until the
party is half drunk, and the mortification and
impotent rage of the master of the house has
somewhat deadened, and then he calls for atten-
tion, and enters, for the benefit of the few who
will listen, into a panegyric upon the unwilling
host. And if he do this with dexterity, if he
lay on the flattery thickly, and deliver his re-
marks with unction, and a "bless you, mi-dear-
boy!" air, the victim in spite of his better
judgment, will begin to believe that his visitors
loved him so well that they could not stay away,
instead of recognizing the fact that they had
merely taken his premises instead of a public
liall because they could be had without payment.

The birthday speech is generally a stereotyped
affair, in which there can be no variety. By
this we mean the speech to the person whose
birthday is to be celebrated, or his reply. The
other speeches fall under the general rule of
table talk.

We have said that it is in bad taste in gen-
<eral to allude, in dinner-speeches, to the busi-
ness, the profession, or the peculiarities of those

TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

around you. It is also in bad taste, and fre-
quently offensive, to play upon the names of
parties. These rules have, however, their ex-
ceptions. Where those present are nearly all
of one business, allusions, if pleasantly made, are
proper enough, and may add much to the satis-
faction of the guests; and where all are intimate
a gay pun on the name of some one present may
be pardonable. Still such things require cau-
tion. We remember a very pleasant evening
once, when the speeches were generally of this
exceptional kind. It was an occasion of a fare-
well dinner given to the senior member of a
firm of leather-dealers, previous to his departure
for a year's visit to Europe, and nearly all
present were either in the hide and leather
trade, or connected therewith in some way.

The gentlman wTho on this occasion proposed
the complimentary toast of the host of the even-
ing, after the usual compliments and good
Avishes, wound up by saying:

"And we have no doubt that our good friend, as he
passes through the old cities of the world, rubbing here
against a noble, and jostling there against a peasant, will
so conduct himself after his usual well-bred and quiet
fashion, that all ranks and classes will admit, that, for
the purpose of making a really estimable man, there is
nothing like leather. In fact, leather is a type of your

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

perfect man. It is smooth, but not too oily; it is pliable,
but does not give way; it bends when needed, but does
not crack—it wears well—it is in fact, an educated skin,
altogether different from the original stiff and unpleas-
ant hide."

In replying the traveler-to-be said:

"If I deserve one-half of the pleasant things said on
this occasion, I should think more of myself than I do;
and I do think more of myself than I did when I first
sat down to dinner, because I know my friends are sin
cere in what they say, and I must be a pretty good sort
of fellow, or they never would let their partiality get
the better of their judgment as they have to-night. If J.
don't thank them and you for the friendship and kindly
sympathy you show, it is because I have no words to do
it so well as it deserves to be done; because no words
can express my feelings. My hope is that when I get
back that I will meet you each and all, and find the
friendship which binds us to-night, and has bound us for
years, made stronger and warmer by the absence. I
ought to stop just here! and, so far as I am concerned, I
do; but the gentleman who has just spoken has made a
remark that might be almost thought a personal allusion
to one of my partners in business—a gentleman who
though he is the Co. in the firm, and wTas christened Jere-
miah, no one wishes at Jericho. He is a little rough at
times, but not stiff; and if he will only get on his feet
and say something, will show you that he is by no means
an unpleasant Hyde."

There was a general shout for Hyde, and that
gentleman rose with great deliberation.

22 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

"Gentlemen," he said, "my partner, before he goes off
on his year's holiday, is disposed to balance our books,
and credits me with a little too much. I admit my stiff-
ness, rather than my roughness. The fact is I am not so
oily as either of these gentlemen. I am a Hyde that has
never been tanned and curried. As to there being noth-
ing like leather, there would be nothing of leather, if you
didn't have a Hyde to begin with."

There was a deal more said by various parties,
but these quotations are enough to show that
speeches filled with personal allusions may be
made without offense, though the experiment
is always hazardous, and generally in bad taste..

There is generally a certain amount of flip-
pancy in successful dinner speeches, which
causes them to appear badly in print. They
lack in that shape the spice, dash and geniality
which surrounded them when delivered. But
all such speeches are not flippant, and some-
times flippancy is out of place. A public
dinner is often given in aid of some noted
charity, or on the anniversary of a society
founded for a serious purpose. In that case the
speeches, from that of the President on taking
the chair down to that upon "woman," should
have a certain amount of dignity along with
the humors, and decorum with the wit.

Political Speeches

There are many counties in the United
States. In each of these there are held in a
year at least ten political meetings on one side,
and every fourth year twice as many. At these
meetings the average number of speeches are
three to each. The opposite party does the
same amount of meeting and talking. Here we
have the alarming spectacle of some one hundred
and twenty thousand speeches let off annually
for three years, and two hundred and fifty
thousand fired into the air on the fourth year;
being three-fifths of a million of speeches in-
flicted upon suffering American humanity i;i
the space of forty-eight calendar months. I
neither complain of this as an outrage, nor beast
of it as showing both the great talking power
of one part of my countrymen, and the capacity
of enduring torture of the rest. I merely state
the fact.

Now there can be no question that while there
are a fair number of the speeches thus delivered
23

24 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

that may be listened to with comfort and even
with satisfaction, the greater part of this politi-
cal eloquence is of a very low order of merit, or
devoid of all merit whatever. And this state of
affairs occurs, not from lack of brains on the
part of the political speakers, as from a lack of
knowledge on the part of the auditors what a
political speech should be. Instead of a careful
discussion of public measures, the public expect
to hear an attack upon men; instead of an
appeal to their understanding, a mere attempt
to pander to their prejudices, or amuse them
for the moment. What they are supposed to
want they get. If they considered that politics
is merely, in its legitimate sense, a dispute about
the proper mode of managing public affairs,
and conducting public business, they would de-
mand the views of their orators on topics of
public interest connected with the management
of public affairs. In truth, the greater part of
people prefer good sense in .a public speech to
nonsense, and the speaker who will confine him-
self to his topic, enlivening it in a legitimate
way, will secure more general approval than he
who indulges in lofty flights or who stoops to
buffoonry in_ order to gain laughter and ap-
plause.

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 25

If you are called on to address a political
meeting, or have a desire to mingle in that way
in political affairs, the first point is to have
something to say. And to have something to
say it is necessary that you should be master of
the subject. The preparation for speaking
should be thorough—not in words, but in facts
and ideas. As a good political speech is always
short, you should confine yourself to one, or
at most two branches of your subject. That
is, you should speak on but one or two topics;
but, as you cannot tell what those who speak
before you will touch upon, you must be pre-
pared on all.

If you are a novice, so soon as you have made
yourself master of everything connected with
the political campaign, after you have filled
your mind full of the shameful omissions and
criminal commissions of the opposite side, and
mastered the policy which is proposed or sus-
tained by your own party, it will be a good
plan to write out a short speech upon any par-
ticular branch of the subject. Write this with
great care, and condense it by striking out every
adjective which it is possible and every phrase
where the same idea or fact is repeated a second
time. When you have got it to suit you, read
it over and over until it is tolerably well fixed

TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

in your mind—not committed to memory—and
then burn it as soon as possible. Having done
that, read over your selection of speeches, in-
cluding those given in this little hand-book-
observe their style and the manner in which the
speakers have handled the subject, throw them
aside, and begin to write another speech, which,
after completing and fixing in your mind, you
will destroy like its predecessor. Then refresh
your memory by reading up all of the facts
previously obtained. Understand that the best
preparation for the discussion of any subject,
political or otherwise, is to understand it thor-
oughly in all its shapes; and a continual written
discussion of its salient points will confirm and
fix the knowledge acquired by reading, or by
listening to the remarks of well-informed per-
sons.

Nor, to make an effective political speaker, is
it alone necessary that you should be well ac-
quainted with the differences between political
parties. You should have a thorough knowledge
of the political history of the country, the origin
of parties, the different plans of finance, the
opposing schemes of government, and a fair
acquaintance with the administration of public
affairs in other countries.

Having made yourself master of your subject.

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 27

and fixed the knowledge more firmly in your
mind by writing upon it, the next thing is to
accustom yourself to an audience. To do this
with the least embarrassment to yourself, and
with the best chances of success, make your
debut in some strange place. This is for two
reasons—one, because there will be no familiar
faces to divert your mind from its proper cur-
rent of thought; and the other since, if you fail
it is less mortifying to do so before strangers,
while if you succeed your gratification will be
as great there as anywhere. As "a prophet is
not without honor, save in his own country,"
you will meet with more consideration abroad.
You go there to teach, and they expect you to
teach, and are prepared to hear favorably what
you have to say. But in your own place the
people know you, and not knowing you as a
speaker, look with half amusement and half dis-
gust at your attempt to talk to them; and the
words—"Is Saul among the prophets?" stand
out all over them in the most annoying way.
When you rise to address the people do it in
the simplest and most unpretending way. If
you can stand on the same level with your audi-
ence, they being seated, do so, or as little above
them as ])ossible. Nothing is more difficult than
speaking from a height. You have in that case

28 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

to force your voice downward, when the sound
naturally ascends. Begin slowly, and in a
rather low tone of voice, about your usual pitch
in talking out of doors. Speak distinctly, and
utter every syllable and sound clearly, and you
will be heard where a hasty speaker twice as
loud in voice would neither be heard nor under-
stood. Speak in that earnest and natural tone
which denotes you mean what you say.

As to the subject best suited to impress your
audience, that depends upon circumstances.
Sometimes a particular part of party policy be-
comes the object of attack, or the subject of
defense, and it may be policy to talk of that
and nothing else. As a general rule, however,
a political speaker should never defend, but
always attack. The one who attacks, assails;
the one who defends assumes the criminal's
place. Take it for granted that you are right
—you are there to show up the shortcomings of
your opponent.

Of course it depends a deal on which party
you belong to. If you belong to the party in
power, you see the action of the administra-
tion through rose-colored spectacles. Every-
thing is lovely, as it ought to be. If you are of
the opposition, then you look at affairs through
yellow glasses. Everything is doleful, and as

AFTER DINNEK SPEECHES 29

it ought not to be. If the first, you point with
pride to the fact that a large portion of the
national debt has been paid off already, and
that we occupy a high position in the eyes of
the world, and that we are fast coming back
to our old prosperity. Accuse the opposition of
endeavoring to cut down the duties on imports,
and so bring the pauper labor of Europe in com-
petition with that of our industrious mechanics;
denounce them as sympathizers with the rebel-
lion; accuse them of attempting to revive dead
issues, and to unsettle questions that had been
disposed of by the war, and the logic of
accepted facts. If a democrat, you show that
the administration is unnecessarily and enor-
mously expensive; that extravagance and cor-
ruption mark every step of the government; that
the men in power keep the war in the South
alive long after peace has been declared; accuse
them of revenue schemes to make the rich richer
and the poor poorer, and hold them, as the party
in power, responsible for all the wrong of leg-
islation and all the fraud in the executive offices.
But, if you are a novice, you will not cover
so much ground, and you will do what little you
do in a more artistic way. Take up any one of
the subjects named, but prepare for it first by
some reference to the aim and object of govern-

TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

meut—the reasons why men enter into com-
munities and submit to rules; the principles that
should govern the action of departments of the
public service. Then show where and how the
particular action of the opposite side, which
you select for attack, violates these principles
and conflicts with these aims and objects; and
ask your auditors to stamp their disapproval on
the action of the other party in the only prac-
tical way they can do it, namely, by voting for
your side, for your principles and for the men
who are pledged to maintain them.

But, above all, be brief; a political speech
over twenty minutes long is a nuisance which
should subject its perpetrator to the horse-pond.
There is an exception to this. If you are the
only speaker, and it is a country place where
the audience has come from great distances and
has nothing to occupy it, and looks to be made
up of patient people, then you may make a long
speech —about a half hour. And don't warn
the people that you are about to close, so that
some one may cry, "Go on," by way of compli-
ment, though hoping you won't. Don't tell any-
one you are about to close, but close when you
have done, without warning or without that lin-
gering and hesitation which a man feels who
is about to be hanged. The essence of success-

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 31

ful eloquence is made up of three things—to
have something to say, to say that something
well; and to stop when you have said it.

In political speaking, as in nearly all speak-
ing, a colloquial manner is best. The tone of
voice should be that of ordinary conversation.
But with the occasion, the speaker will depart
from this for a time. As he becomes excited he
may even declaim; but he should be careful to
avoid rant. The human vocal organs form an
instrument upon which a man must play, and
he will play better by practice; but he must
endeavor to keep full control of the instrument.
But of that we will have more to say in another
place.

'It is not alone in the ward meeting or the
district public assembly that political speeches
are delivered. In caucuses or conventions, which
are the legislatures of the political parties, a
number of subjects come up for discussion; a
party action is shaped; and principles of action,
as well as action itself, are determined. The
speaking here is of a different character, and is
much easier than the set speech. In a debate
opposite views are brought out. and the excite-
ment of opposition develops ideas and aids
expression. A man may labor at a set speech,
and labor to little purpose, who will figure quite

32 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

effectively in debate. Even the set speech which
is often given at a party convention partakes of
the argumentative rather than the declamatory
character. In some parts of the country poli-
tical meetings are got up for debate. Both sides
are represented on the stump and the result is
that the auditors learn something. Where a
meeting is entirely in the interest of one party,
speakers are apt to be loose in their statements,
and to deal extravagantly with facts. But where
a speaker knows that he is to be followed by
some one who will attempt to refute his position,
he is careful in his statements and makes his
side as strong as possible by stating no more
than he can maintain.

Never underrate the capacity of your audi-
ence. There are no better judges of speaking
than your unlettered men, because they hear so
much of it, and often by men of mark, and
because your unlettered man may have as much
brains as the learned, though under less culture.
And though the speaker who indulges in buf-
foonry, or who uses fine rhetorical figures, is
often applauded to the echo, you will find that
the man who takes a plain, common-sense view
of his subject, who states his case plainly and
precisely, who wastes no words, and who brings
to his task knowledge, earnestness and simplicity

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

of diction, will be listened to with intense atten-
tion, and will command the respect which the
more flashy and humorous orator will fail to
win.

We do not wish to denounce humor or the
proper use of fine figures of speech. But both
these are mere accessories. They should not
make the staple of the oration. And humor is
a very dangerous edged tool that is apt to cut
the hands of the unskillful workman. It is quite
rare that it can be carried to any great extent
with any profit. . We know of few instances to
the contrary, but those are quite remarkable,
and these were in legislative assemblies and will
be noticed elsewhere. A quite successful
instance is in the following, which is part of a
speech delivered before a Democratic convention
by William Jennings Bryan, in July, 1886, as
we find it reported in a Trenton journal of that
time:

"After the very spirit-stirring appeal made by the gen-
tleman who has preceded me (Harrison) I fear that
what I may say will, only tend to pale the enthusiasm
which he has generated—an enthusiasm which reminds
me of the fiery days of the party, even as I am oid
enough to remember it. And I am placed in a more un-
fortunate position than that gentleman, because I have
not even a refuge in that embarrassment of which he
speaks—(Laughter). I have very little, if any, modesty

TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

to fall back upon. In my early days—my time of juven-
ile innocence—I possessed modesty to an alarming ex-
tent, no doubt; but as I rose to manhood it wore away;—
time rubbed the down off the peach, and left me per-
fectly able to take care of myself on all occasions. I am
not at all embarrassed at appearing before a mass of
Democrats anywhere, and feel perfectly willing, on all
proper occasions, to avow my views and sentiments. Nor
am I discouraged by the circumstances amid which we
stand to-day. I am not alarmed for the future of the
Democratic party, because some who were so long with
us—men who have led us in many a fight—have gone
after strange gods, and deserted, in their man worship, the
trusts they held. The leaders of the Democratic party
are not its masters, but its executive officers. (Cheers.)
If they fail or falter, we depose them, and choose their
successors from the ranks. (Cheers.) The path of prog-
ress of the Democratic party is strewn with the carcasses
of leaders—of men whose names were our watchwords,
but who placed themselves in the road of its march to
stay or swerve it, and so they perished. The policy of
the party is based upon the necessities of the country.
It applies eternal and unchanging principles to those
necessities; and so its policy grows, shifts or changes,
with the progress of the Nation, but the principles never
change.

"If they be lost sight of for a brief time, as in the
case of the resolutions of 1798, they are sure to reassert
themselves and regain their old force. Our policy is
based upon the true principles, and preserves the Union
by adhering to the letter of the Constitution and preserv-
ing the equality of the states. We guarantee and defend
the rights of each part and portion of the confederacy.

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

To-day one section is assailed and we sustain it, not t6
please that section, but because our course is right. We
cannot afford—least of all the citizens of Illinois—to see
the rights of any member of our confederacy invaded.
Here we are, citizens of this plucky little state, placed
between the two leading states for population, power and
wealth, in all the Union. We have no armed forces, no
natural defense, no mountain fastnesses, and yet we are
but few in number. Yet who doubts if we were assailed,
that the manly hearts of our people would impel their
strong arms to fight in defense of their reserved rights—-
to fight to the last man and the last drop of blood. Do
we think that there is any state in the South who would
do less! If so we should put it out of the Union speed-
ily as too degraded to be our peer. And it is to mete to
other states what we demand—to maintain their perfect
equality with us—that we are prepared and willing to
contend for their rights. It is our own battles we fight.
We do right not to please a section, but because it is
right of itself. (Cheers.) And if leaders, to pander to
the morbid sentiment of fanaticism, violate the policy
which has brought them into power and position, they
will live to see their names, like those of others that once
occupied a high place in the temple of the party, effaced
™ fully that they never may be restored. They will not
rind themselves necessary to our existence or our prosper-
ity. We can replace them at our will. The exigency of
the moment will bring us leaders for a struggle, as it
has brought them before. We have in our ranks, no
doubt, though you and I may not see them at this mo-
ment, many men who are fit to take command. We are
too apt to undervalue the great men of our own time by
contrasting them unfavorably with their predecessors—

o6 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

men who are scorned by their contemporaries in the same
war. The dwarfs of the present may become the giants
of the future. (Cheers.) I do not indulge in compari-
son, but I remember a fact, trifling in itself, which I
once mentioned in a dinner speech and which comes to
my mind aptly. I was traveling, a few years since, on
horseback, toward the close of a summer's day, in the
western part of a neighboring state. My path—it could,
scarcely be called a road—lay over a succession of moun-
tain ridges. AH day long I had witnessed the same scen-
ery—the rough masses of rock, the gray earth, the dense
undergrowth, and the tall trees, branches from root to
summit fork—all similar and monotonous. I thought
the scenery commonplace. I was wearied with the recur-
rence of tree and rock and shrub, as well as jaded with
travel. When I reached the valley I turned accidentally,
and glanced upward. There before me, towering
in lofty majesty, was the mountain dowrn whose sides I
had ridden—the hues of leaf and soil and rock blending
into each other, the rugged outlines softened down by
the atmosphere and smoothed by the distance, and the
summit crowned by the rays of the setting sun. Time
is the distance which will smooth the ruggedness of the
great men around us, wrap the body of their fame in
aerial garments, and crown their brow with the sunset
rays of a golden immortality. (Enthusistic cheering.)"

In the light of later events, parts of the speech
seem like an echo from the grave; but still one
can see in the general stj^e, and in the metaphor
at the close of the part we have extracted, how
and why the audience were moved.

Legislative Speaking

In public legislative bodies, whether the town
council, the state assembly, or Congress, all
debate is conducted by certain set rules, in order
to preserve decorum and facilitate the dispatch
of business. These rules, which are to be found
in our Complete Debater's Manual, should be
thoroughly learned by every member, as without
that knowledge he will find his influence reduced
to the smallest amount and his eloquence clogged
by frequent unpleasant interruptions. In all
such bodies time is of value, and every one who
participates in discussion has no right to waste
the time of others, however liberal he may be
with his own.

In a debate, though no one should rise too
often on the same subject, the main speech he
may make will often be supplemented by others,
and the interpolations of his antagonist will
soon cause his oration to take the place of a
polylogue. But the rules governing the main
speech the same as in a dinner or stump oration.
It is to be constructed on the same principles.
37

38 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

In the first place the subject itself should
be previously mastered in all its bearings, if the
speaker be not Avell acquainted with it already.
In the second place, he should state his views
briefly and without attempts at ornament.
Unless he means to speak but once, he should
reserve sarcasm, humor and the use of striking
figures of rhetoric for a later period, when he
desires to refute some points of his opponents,
or overwhelm them with ridicule.

The novice in speaking—and it is for such we
write—will not gain much by a close perusal
of the debates in Congress or the state legisla-
tures. Indeed, if he survived the amount of
dullness thus taken into the brain, he would
find his own intellect permanently weakened by
the dull stuff he has imbibed. Some men im-
prove in speaking by practice. There are those,
however, who grow worse every day, and, being
dull in the beginning, end by becoming stupid.
A careful study of the styles or orators of repu-
tation will be of more service and be far less
tiresome.

And in connection with this, a portion of a
debate in the Convention of Virginia, on the
adoption of the Federal Constitution, will give
the reader a fair idea of the manner, and, when
we consider that the two engaged in it were

AFTEB DINNER SPEECHES

Patrick Henry and Edmund Randolph, also of
the matter of a first-class debate, Patrick
Henry, it will be remembered, was opposed to
the ratification, on the part of Virginia, of the
Constitution of the United States, and Edmund
Randolph took opposite ground. The extracts
we make, though too short to do justice to the
arguments, are sufficient to show the style of
the parties, and should be carefully studied.

In his first speech on the question, among
other things, Mr. Henry said:

"This constitution is said to have beautiful features;
but when I come to examine these features, sir, they
appear to me horribly frightful. Among other deformi-
ties, it has an awful squinting; it squints toward mon-
archy: and does not this raise indignation in the breast
of every true American? Your President may easily
become king. Your Senate is so imperfectly constructed,
that your dearest rights may be sacrificed by what may
be a small minority; and a very small minority may con-
tinue forever unchangeably this government, although
horridly defective. Where are your cheeks in this gov-
ernment? Your strongholds will be in the hands of your
enemies. It is on a supposition that your American gov-
ernors shall be honest, that all the good qualities of this
government are founded; but its defective and imper-
fect construction puts it in their power to perpetrate
the worst of mischiefs, should they be bad men. And,
sir, would not all the world, from the eastern to the
western hemisphere, blame our distracted folly in resting

40 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

our rights upon the contingency of our rulers being good
or bad? Show me that age and country where the rights
and liberties of the people were placed on the sole chance
of their rulers being good men, without a consequent loss
of liberty. I say that the loss of that dearest privilege
has ever followed, with absolute certainty, every such
mad attempt. If your American chief be a man of am-
bition and abilities, how easy it will be for him to render
himself absolute! The army is in his hands, and, if he
l»e a man of address, it will be attached to him: and it
will be the subject of long meditation with him to seize
the first auspicious moment to accomplish his design.
And, sir, will the American spirit solely relieve you when
this happens? I would rather infinitely—and I am sure
most of this convention are of the same opinion, have a
king, lords and commons, than a government so replete
with such insupportable evils. If we make a king, we
may prescribe the rules by which he shall rule his people,
and interpose such checks as shall prevent him from in-
fringing them; but the President in the field, at the
head of his army, can prescribe the terms on which he
shall reign master, so far that it will puzzle any Ameri-
can ever to get his neck from under the galling yoke. I
cannot, with patience, think of this idea. If ever he
violates the laws, one of two things will happen; he will
come at the head of his army to carry everything before
him; or, he will give bail, or do what Mr. Chief Justice
will order him. If he be guilty, will not the recollection
of his crimes teach him to make one bold push for the
American throne? Will not the immense difference be-
tween being master of everything, and being ignomini-
ously tried and punished, powerfully excite him to make
this bold push? But, sir, where is the existing force to

AFTER DIXNER SPEECHES

punish him? Can he not, at the head of his army, beat
down every opposition? Away with your President; we
shall have a king; the army will salute him monarch;
your militia will leave you, and assist in making him
king, and fight against you, and what have you to oppose
this force? What will then become of you and your
rights? Will not absolute despotism ensue?

**********

"I trust, sir, the exclusion of the evils wherewith this
system is replete, in its present form, will be made a con-
dition precedent to its adoption, by this or any other
state. The transition from a general, unqualified admis'
sion to offices, to a consolidation of government, seems
easy; for, though the American states are dissimilar in
their structure, this will assimilate them; this, sir, i.«
itself a strong consolidating feature, and is not one of
the least dangerous in that system. Nine states are in-
sufficient to establish this government over those nine.
Imagine that nine have come into it. Virginia has cer-
tain scruples. Suppose she will consequently refuse to
join with those states; may not they still continue in
friendship and union with her? If she sends her annual
requisitions in dollars, do you think their stomachs will
be so squeamish as to refuse her dollars? Will they not
accept her regiments? They would intimidate you into
an inconsiderate adoption, and frighten you with ideal
evils, and that the Union shall be dissolved. 'Tis a bug-
bear, sir; the fact is, sir, that the eight adopting states
can hardly stand on their own legs. Public fame tells-*
us that the adopting states have already heart-burnings
and animosity, and repent their precipitate hurry; this,
sir, may occasion exceeding great mischief. When L
reflect on these and many other circumstances, I must

42 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

think those states will be found to be in confederacy
with us.

"If we pay our quota of money annually, and furnish
our ratable number of men, when necessary, I can see
no danger from a rejection. The history of Switzerland
clearly proves that we might, be in amicable alliance with
those states, without adopting this Constitution. Switzer-
land is a confederacy, consisting of dissimilar govern-
ments. This is an example which proves that govern-
ments of dissimilar structures may be confederated.
That confederate republic has stood upward of four hun-
dred years; and, although several of the individual repub-
lics are democratic, and the rest aristocratic, no evil has
resulted from this dissimilarity, for they have braved all
the power of France and Germany, during that long
period. The Swiss spirit, sir, has kept them together;
they have encountered and overcome immense difficulties
with patience and fortitude. In the vicinity of power-
ful and ambitious monarehs, they have retained their
independence, republican simplicity and valor. Look at
the peasants of that country, and of France, and mark
the difference. You will find the condition of the former
far more desirable and comfortable. No matter whether
a people be great, splendid, and powerful, if they enjoy
freedom. The Turkish Grand Seignor, alongside of our
resident, would put us to disgrace, but we should be
abundantly consoled for this disgrace, should our citizen
be put in contrast with the Turkish slave."

Mr. Randolph replied to this on the following
day. From his speech we take the following

passages:

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 43

"Instead of entering largely into a discussion of the
nature and effect of the different kinds of government,
or into an inquiry into the particular extent of country,
that may suit the genius of this or that government, I ask
this question—Is this government necessary for the
safety of Virginia? Is the union indispensable for our
happiness? I confess it is imprudent for any nation to
form alliance with another, whose situation and eoHstruc-
tion of government are dissimilar with its own. It is
impolitic and improper for men of opulence to join their
interest with men of indigence and chance. But we are
now inquiring, particularly, whether Virginia, as contra-
distinguished from the other states, can exist without
the Union—a hard question, perhaps, after what has
been said. I will venture, however, to say, she cannot.
I shall not rest contented with asserting—I shall en-
deavor to prove. Look at the most powerful nations on
earth. England and France have had recourse to tins
expedient. Those countries found it necessary to unite
with their immediate neighbors, and this union has pre-
vented the most lamentable mischiefs.

"What divine pre-eminence is Virginia possessed of,
above other states? Can Virginia send her navy and
thunder, to t*id defiance to foreign nations? And can
she exist without a union with her neighbors, when the
most potent nations have found such a union necessary,
not only to their political felicity, but their national exist-
ence? Let us examine her ability. Although it be im-
possible to determine, with accuracy, what degree of in-
ternal strength a nation ought to possess, to enable it
to stand by itself; yet there are certain sure facts ana"
circumstances, which demonstrate, that a particular na-
tion cannot stand singly. I have spoken with freedom)

44 Tf_)ASTS AND SENTIMEXTTS

and I trust I have done it with decency; but T must also
speak with truth. If Virginia can exist without the
"Union, she must derive that ability from one or other of
these source!?, viz: from her natural situation, or because
she has no reason to fear from other nations. AVhat is
her situation? She is not inaccessible. She is not a
petty republic, like that of St. Marino, surrounded with
rocks and mountains, with a soil not very fertile, nor
worthy the envy of surrounding nations. Were this, sir,
the situation, she might, like that petty state, subsist
separated from all the world. On the contrary she is
very accessible; the large, capacious bay of Chesapeake,
which is but too excellently adapted for the admission of
enemies, renders her very vulnerable. I am informed, and
I believe rightly, because I derive my information from
those whose knowledge is most respectable, that Virginia
is in a very unhappy position, with respect to the access
of foes by sea, though happily situated for commerce.
This being her situation by sea, let us look at land. She
has frontiers adjoining the states of Pennsylvania, Mary-
land and North Carolina. Two of these states have
declared themselves members of the Union. Will she
be inaccessible to the inhabitants of these states? Cast
your eyes to the western country, that is inhabited by
cruel savages, your natural enemies. Besides their nat-
ural propensity to barbarity, they may be excited, by the
gold of foreign enemies, to commit the most horrid
ravages on your people. Our great, increasing popula-
tion is one remedy to this evil; but, being scattered
thinly over so extensive a country, how difficult is it to
collect their strength, or defend the country.

"If then, sir, Virginia, from her situation, is not in-
accessible, or invulnerable, let us consider if she ba

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

protected by having no cause to fear from other nations;
has she no cause to fear? You will have cause to fear
as a nation, if disunited; you will not only have this
cause to fear from yourselves, from that species of
population I before mentioned, and your once sister
states, but from the arms of other nations. Have you
no cause of fear from Spain, whose dominions border
on your country? Every nation, every people, in our
circumstances have always had abundant cause to fear.
Let us see the danger to be apprehended from France;
let us suppose Virginia separated from the other states;
as part of the former confederated states, she will owe
France a very considerable sum—France will be as
magnanimous as ever. France, by the law of nations,
will have a right to demand the whole of her, or of the
others. If France were to demand it, what would be-
come of the property of America? Could she not de-
stroy what little commerce we have? Could she not
seize our ships, and carry havoc and destruction before
her on our shores? The most lamentable desolation
would take place. We owe a debt to Spain also; do we
expect indulgence from that quarter? That nation has
a right to demand the debt due to it, and power to
enforce that right. Will the Dutch be silent about the
debt due to them? Is there any one pretension, that
any of these nations will be patient? The debts due the
British also very considerable; these debts have been
withheld contrary to treaty; if Great Britain will demand
the payment of these debts, peremptorily, what will be
the consequence? Can we pay them if demanded? Will
no danger result from a refusal? Will the British nation
suffer their subjects to be stripped of their property?
Is not that nation amply able to do its subjects justice?

46 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

Will the . resentment of that powerful and supercilious
nation sleep forever? If we become one, sole nation,
uniting with our sister states, our means of defense will
be greaterj the indulgence for the payment of those
debts will be greater, and the danger of au attack less
probable. Moreover, vast quantities of lands have been
sold, by citizens of this country, to Europeans, and these
lands cannot be found. Will this fraud be countenanced
or endured? Among so many causes of danger, shall
we be secure, separated from our sister states? Weak-
ness itself, sir, will invite some attack upon your coun-
try. Contemplate our situation deliberately, and con-
sult history; it will inform you, that people in our
circumstances have ever been attacked, and successfully;
open any page, and you will there find our danger truly
depicted. If such a people had any thing, was it not
taken? The fate which will befall us, I fear, sir, will
be, that we shall be made a partition of. How will
these our troubles be removed? Can we have any
dependence on commerce? Can we make any computa-
tion on this subject? Where will our flag appear? So
high is the spirit of commercial nations, that they will
spend five times the value of the object, to exclude their
rivals from a participation in commercial profits; they
seldom regard any expenses. If we should be divided
from the rest of the states, upon what footing would our
navigation in the Mississippi be? What would be the
probable conduct of France and Spain?

"I will close this catalogue of the evils of the dissolu-
tion of the Union, by recalling to your mind what
passed in the year 1781. Such was the situation of our
affairs then, that the powers of a dictator were given
to the commander-in-chief to save us from destruction.

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 47

This shows the situation of the country to have been
such as made it ready to embrace an actual dictator.
At some future period, will not our distresses impel us
to do what the Dutch have done—throw all power into
the hands of a stadtholderf How infinitely more wise
and eligible, than this desperate alternative, is a union
with our American brethren! I feel myself so abhor-
rent to anything that will dissolve our Union that I
cannot prevail with myself to assent to it directly or
indirectly. If the Union is to be dissolved, what step
is to be taken? Shall we form a partial confederacy;
or is it expected that we shall successfully apply to for-
eign alliance for military aid? This last,measure, sir,
has ruined almost every nation that has used it; so
dreadful an example ought to be most cautiously avoid-
ed; for seldom has a nation recurred to the expedient
of foreign succor without being ultimately crushed by
that succor. We may lose our liberty and independence
by this injudicious scheme of policy. Admitting it to
be a scheme replete with safety, what nation shall we
solicit—France? She will disdain a connection with
a people in our predicament. I would trust everything
to the magnanimity of that nation; but she would de-
spise a people who had, like us, so imprudently separ-
ated from their brethren; and, sir, were she to accede
to our proposal, with what facility could she become
mistress of our country! To what nation then shall we
apply—to Great Britain? Nobody has as yet trusted
that idea. An application to any other must be either
fruitless or dangerous; to those who advocate local
confederacies, and at the same time preach up for
republican liberty, I answer, that their conduct is incon-
sistent ; the defense of such partial confederacies will

TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

require such a degree of force and expense as will de-
stroy every feature of republicanism. Give me leave to
say that I see naught but destruction in a local con-
federacy. With what state can we confederate but
North Carolina—North Carolina, situated worse than
ourselves? Consult your own reason? I beseech gentle-
men most seriously to reflect on the consequences of
such a confederacy; I beseech them to consider whether
Virginia and North Carolina, both oppressed with debts
and slaves, can defend themselves externally, or make
their people happy internally. North Carolina having
no strength but militia, and Virginia in the same situa-
tion, will make, I fear, but a despicable figure in history.
Thus, sir, I hope that I have satisfied ymi that we are
unsafe without a union, and that in union alone safety
consists.

"But the amendability of the confederation seems to
have great weight on the minds of some gentlemen. To
what point will the amendment go? What part makes
the most important figure? What part deserves to be
retained? In it, one body has the legislative, executive
and judicial powers,- but the want of efficient powers has
prevented the dangers naturally consequent on the union
of these. Is this union consistent with an augmentation
of their power? Will you then amend it, by taking away
one of these three powers? Suppose, for instance, you
only vested it with the legislative and executive powers,
without any control on the judiciary, what must be the
result? Are we not taught by reason, experience and
governmental history, that tyranny is the natural and
certain consequence of uniting these two powers, or the
legislative and judicial powers exclusively, in the same
body? If any one denies it, I shall pass by him as an

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 4'?

infidel not to be reclaimed. Wherever any two of these
three powers are vested in one single body, they musr,
at one time or other, terminate in the destruction of
liberty. In the most important eases, the assent of
nine states is necessary to pass a law; this is too great
a restriction, and whatever good consequences it may in
some eases produce, yet it will prevent energy in many
other cases; it will prevent energy, which is most neces-
sary on some emergencies, even in cases wherein the
existence of the community depends on vigor and expedi-
tion. It is incompatible with that secrecy which is the
life of execution and dispatch. Did ever thirty or forty
men retain a secret ? Without secrecy no government
can carry on its operations on great occasions; this is
what gives that superiority in action to the government
of one. If anything were wanting to complete this
farce, it would be that a resolution of the assembly of
Virginia and the other legislatures should be necessary
to confirm and render of any validity the congressional
acts; this would openly discover the debility of the
general government to all the world. But, in fact, its
imbecility is now nearly the same as if such acts were'
formally requisite. An act of the assembly of Virginia,
controverting a resolution of congress, would certainly
prevail. I therefore conclude that the confederation ia
too defective to deserve correction. Let us tal:e fare-
well of it with reverential respect, as an old benefactor.
It is gone, whether this house says so or not. It ia
gone, sir, by its own weakness.

"I have labored for the continuance of the Union—
the rock of our salvation. I believe that as sure as
there is a, God in heaven, our safety, our political happi-
ness and existence, depend on the union of the states;

50 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

and that, without this union, the people of this and the
other states will undergo the unspeakable calamities
which discord, faction, turbulence, war and bloodshed
have produced in other countries. The American spirit
ought to be mixed with American pride—pride to see
the union magnificently triumph. Let that glorious
pride which once defied the British thunder, reanimate
you again. Let it not be recorded of Americans that,
after having performed the most gallant exploits, after
having overcome the most astonishing difficulties, and
after having gained the admiration of the world by their
incomparable valor and policy, they lost their acquired
reputation, their national consequence and happiness, by
their own indiscretion. Let no future historian inform
posterity that they wanted wisdom and virtue to concur
in any regular, efficient government. Should any writer,
doomed to so disagreeable a task, feel the indignation
of an honest historian, he would reprehend and recrimi-
nate our folly with equal severity and justice. Catch
the present moment; seize it with avidity and eagerness;
for it may be lost, never to be regained. If the Union
be now lost, I fear it will remain so forever. I believe
gentlemen are sincere in their opposition, and actuated
by pure motives; but when I maturely weigh the advan-
tages of the Union, and dreadful consequences of its
dissolution; when I see safety on my right, and destruc-
tion on my left; when I behold respectability and happi-
ness acquired by the one, but annihilated by the other,
—I cannot hesitate to decide in favor of the former."

From the three subsequent speeches of Mr,
Henry in reply, we take the following:

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

''Switzerland consists of thirteen cantons expressly
confederated for national defense. They have stood the
shock of four hundred years; that country has enjoyed
interna] tranquillity most of that long period. Their
dissensions have been, comparatively to those of other
countries, very few. What has passed in the neighbor-
ing countries? Wars, dissensions, and intrigues—Ger-
many involved in the most deplorable civil war thirty
years successively, continually convulsed with intestine
divisions, and harassed by foreign wars—France with
her mighty monarchy perpetually at war. Compare the
peasants of Switzerland with those of any other mighty
nation; you will find them far more happy; for one
civil war among them, there have been five or six among
other nations; their attachment to their country, and
to freedom, their resolute intrepidity in their defense,
the consequent security and happiness which they have
enjoyed, and the respect and awe which these things
produced in their bordering nations, have signalized
those republicans. Their valor, sir, has been active;
everything that sets in motion the springs of the human
heart, engaged them to the protection of their inestim-
able privileges. They have not only secured their own
liberty, but have been the arbiters of the fate of other
people. Here, sir, contemplate the triumph of republi-
can governments over the pride of monarchy. I acknowl-
edge, sir, that the necessity of national defense has pre-
vailed in invigorating their counsels and arms, and has
been, in a considerable degree, the means of keeping
these honest people together. But, sir, they have had
wisdom enough to keep together and render themselves
formidable. Their heroism is proverbial. They would
heroically fight for their government and their laws.

52 - TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

One of the illumined sons of these times would not fight
for those objects. Those virtuous and simple people
have not a mighty and splendid president, nor enormously
expensive navies and armies to support. No, sir; those
brave republicans have acquired their reputation no less
by their undaunted intrepidity, than by the wisdom of
their frugal and economical, policy. Let us follow their
example, and be equally happy. The honorable member
advises us to adopt a measure which will destroy our
bill of rights; for, after hearing his picture of nations,
and his reasons for abandoning all the powers retained
to the States by the confederation I am more firmly
persuaded of the impropriety of adopting this new plan
in its present shape.

********
"We are threatened with danger for the non-payment
of the debt now due to France. We have information
from an illustrious citizen of Virginia, who is now in
Paris, which disproves the suggestions of such danger.
This citizen has not been in the airy regions of theoretic
speculation; our ambassador is this worthy 'citizen.
The ambassador of the United States of America is not
so despised as the honorable gentleman would make us
believe. A servant of a republic is as much respected as
that of a monarch. The honorable gentleman tells us
that hostile fleets are to be sent to make reprisals upon
us; our ambassador tells you that the king of France
has taken into consideration, to enter into commercial
regulations on reciprocal terms with us, which will be
of peculiar advantage to us. Does this look like hos-
tility? I might go further; I might say, not from
public authority, but good information, that his opinion
is, that you reject this government. His character and

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

abilities are in the highest estimation; he is well ac-
quainted, in every respect, with this country; equally so
with the policy of the European nations. This illustrious
citizen advises you to reject this government, till it be
amended. His sentiments coincide entirely with ours.
His attachment to, and services done for, this country
are well known. At a great distance from us, he remem-
bers and studies our happiness. Living amidst splen-
dor and dissipation, he thinks yet of bills of rights—
thinks of those little despised things called maxims.
Let us follow the sage advice of this common friend of
our happiness. It is little usual for nations to send
armies to collect debts. The house of Bourbon, that
great friend of America, will never attack her for the
unwilling delay of payment. Give me leave to say that
Europe is too much engaged about objects of greater
importance to attend to us. On that great theater of
the world the little American matters vanish. Do you
believe that the mighty monarch of France, beholding
the greatest scenes that ever engaged the attention of a
prince of that country, will divert himself from these
important objects, and now call for a settlement of ac-
counts with America? This proceeding is not warranted
by good sense. The friendly- disposition to us, and the
actual situation of France, render the idea of danger
from that quarter absurd. Would this countryman of
ours be fond of advising us to a measure which he
knew to be dangerous—and can it be reasonably sup-
posed that he can be ignorant of any premeditated hos-
tility against this country? The honorable gentleman
may suspect the account; but I will do our friend the
justice to say that he would warn us of any danger from
France.

54 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

"Do you suppose the Spanish monarch will risk a eon-
test with the United States, when his feeble colonies are
exposed to themf Every advance the people here make
to the westward, makes him tremble for Mexico and
Peru. Despised as we are among ourselves under our
present government, we are terrible to that monarchy.
If this be not a fact, it is generally said so.

• ##****#

"This government is so new that it wants a name.
I wrish its other novelties were as harmless as this. He
told us we had an American dictator in the year 1781.
We never had an American President. In making a
dictator we followed the example of the most glorious,
magnanimous, and skillful nations. In great dangers
this power has been given. Rome had furnished us
with an illustrious example. America found a person
worthy of that trust; she looked to Virginia for him.
We gave a dictatorial powrer to hands that used it glori-
ously and which were rendered more glorious by sur-
rendering it up. Where is there a breed of such dicta-
tors? Shall we find a set of American Presidents of
such a breed? Will the American President come and
lay prostrate at the feet of Congress his laurels? I fear
there are few men who can be trusted on that head.
The glorious republic of Holland has erected monu-
ments to her warlike intrepidity and valor; yet she is
now totally ruined by a stadtholder, a Dutch president.
The destructive wars into which that nation has been
plunged have since involved her in ambition. The.
glorious triumphs of Blenheim and Ramillies were not
so conformable to the genius, nor so much to the true
interest of the republic, as those numerous and useful
canals and dikes, and other objects at which ambition

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 55

spurns. That republic has. however, by the industry of
its inhabitants and policy of its magistrates, suppressed
the ill effects of ambition. Notwithstanding two of
their provinces have paid nothing, yet I hope the ex-
ample of Holland will tell us that we can live happily
without changing our present despised government. Can-
not people be as happy under a mild as under an ener"
getic government? Cannot content and felicity be en-
joyed in a republic as well as in a monarchy, because
there are whips, chains, and scourges used in the latter?
If I am not as rich as my neighbor, if I give my mite,
my all, republican forbearance will say that it is suffi-
cient. So said the honest confederates of Holland;
'You are poor; we are rich. We will go on and do
better, far better, than be under an oppressive govern-
ment.' Far better will it be for us to continue as we
are, than go under that tight, energetic government. I
am persuaded of what the honorable gentleman says,
that separate confederacies will ruin us. In my judg-
ment, they are evils never to be thought of till a people
are driven by necessity. When he asks my opinion of
consolidation, of one power to reign over America with
a strong hand, I will tell him, I am persuaded of the
rectitude of my honorable friend's opinion (Mr. Mason),
that one government cannot reign over so extensive a
country as this is, without absolute despotism. Com-
pared to such a consolidation, small confederacies are
little evils, though they ought to be recurred to but in
case of necessity. Virginia and North Carolina are
despised. They could exist separated from the rest of
America. Maryland and Vermont were not overrun
when out of the confederacy. Though it is not a desir-
able object, yet, I trust, that on examination it will be

TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

found that Virginia and North Carolina would not be
ewallowed up in ease it was necessary fer them to be
joined together.

'I call upon every gentleman here to declare, whetheT
the king of England had any subjects so attached to his
family and government—so loyal as we were. But the
genius of Virginia called us for liberty; called us from
those beloved endearments, which, from long habits, we
were taught to love and revere. We entertained from
our earliest infancy the most sincere regard and rever-
ence for the mother country. Our partiality extended to
a predilection for her customs, habits, manners and
laws. Thus inclined, when the deprivation of our lib-
erty was attempted, what did we do? What did the
genius of Virginia tell us? 'Sell all and purchase
liberty.' This is a severe conflict. Republican maxims
were then esteemed. Those maxims and the genius of
Virginia landed you safe on the shore of freedom. On
this awful occasion, did you want a federal govern-
ment? Did federal ideas possess your minds? Did fed-
eral ideas lead you to the most splendid victories? 1
must again repeat the favorite idea, that the genius of
Virginia did, and will again lead us to happiness. To
obtain the most splendid prize, you did not consolidate.
You accomplished the most glorious ends by the assist-
ance of the genius of your country. Men were then
taught by that genius that they w7ere fighting for what
was most dear to them. View the most affectionate
father, the most tender mother, operated on by liberty,
nobly stimulating their sons, their dearest sons, some-
times their only son, to advance to the defense of his
country. We have seen sons of Cincinnatus, without

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

splendid magnificence or parade, going, with the genius
of the progenitor Cincinnatus to the plow—men who
served their country without ruining it; men who had
served it to the destruction of their private patrimonies;
their country owing them amazing amounts, for the pay-
ment of which no adequate provision was then made.
We have seen such men throw prostrate their arms at.
your feet. They did not call for those emoluments which
ambition presents to some imaginations. The soldiers
who were able to command everything, instead of tram-
pling on those laws which they were instituted to de
fend, most strictly obeyed them. The hands of justice
have not been laid on a single American soldier. Bring
them into contrast Avith European veterans—you will
see an astonishing superiority over the latter. There has
been a strict subordination to the laws. The honorable
gentleman's ofiiee gave him an opportunity of vieAving if
the laws were administered so as to prevent riots, routs
and unlawful assemblies, l^rom his then situation, he
could have furnished us with the instances in which
licentiousness trampled on the laws.

"Among all our troubles, we have paid almost to the
last shilling, for the sake of justice; we have paid as
well as any state; I will not say better. To support
the general government and our own legislature; to pay
the interest of the public debts, and defray contingen-
cies, we have been heavily taxed. To add to these
things, the distresses produced by paper money, and by
tobacco contracts, were sufficient to render any people
discontented. These, sir, were great temptations; but
in the most severe conflict of misfortunes, this code of

TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

laws—this genius of Virginia, call it what you will,
triumphed over everything.

"I am constrained to make a few remarks on the
absurdity of adopting this system, and relying on the
chance of getting it amended afterward. When it is
confessed to be replete with defects, is it not offering to
insult your understandings, to attempt to reason you out
of the propriety of rejecting it, till it be amended! Does
it not insult your judgment to tell you—adopt first, and
then amend? Is your rage for novelty so great, that
you are first to sign and seal, and then to retract ? Is it
possible to conceive a greater solecism? I am at a loss
what to say. You agree to bind yourselves hand and
foot—for the sake of what? Of being unbound. You go
into a dungeon—for what? To get out. Is there no
danger, when you go in, that the bolts of federal au-
thority shall shut you in? Human nature never will part
from power. Look for an example of a voluntary re-
linquishment of power, from one end of the globe to
another—you will find none. Xine-tenths of our fellow-
men have been, and are now, depressed by the most in-
tolerable slavery, in the different parts of the world;
because the strong hand of power has bolted them in
the dungeon of despotism. Review the present situation
of the nations of Europe, which is pretended to be
the freest quarter of the globe. Cast your eyes on the
countries called free there. Look at the country from
which we are descended, I beseech you; and although we
are separated by everlasting, insuperable partitions, yet
there are some virtuous people there who- are friends to
human nature and liberty. Look at Britain; see there
the bolts and bars of power: see briberv and corruption

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 59

defiling the fairest fabric that ever human nature reared.
Can a gentleman who is an Englishman, or who is ac-
quainted with the English history desire to prove these
evils? See the efforts of a man descended from a friend
of America; see the efforts of that man, assisted even,
by the king, to make reforms. But you find the faults
too strong to be amended. Nothing but bloody war
can alter them. See Ireland; that country groaned
from century to century, without getting their govern-
ment amended. Previous adoption was the fashion
there. They sent for amendments from time to time,
but never obtained them, though pressed by the severest
oppression, till eighty thousand volunteers demanded
them sword in hand—till the power of Britain was pros-
trate; when the American resistance was crowmed with
success. Shall we do so? If you judge by the exper-
ience of Ireland, you must obtain the amendments as
early as possible. But I ask you again, where is the
example that a government was amended by those who
instituted it? Where is the instance of the errors of a
government, rectified by those who adopted them?

"Perhaps I shall be told, that I have gone through the
regions of fancy; that I deal in noisy exclamations and
mighty professions of patriotism. Gentlemen may re-
tain their opinions; but I look on that paper as the most
fatal plan that could possibly be conceived to enslave
a free people. If such be your rage for novelty, take it
and welcome, but you never shall have my consent. My
sentiments may appear extravagant, but I can tell you,
that a number of my fellow-citizens have kindred senti-
ments; and I am anxious, if my country should coma
into the hands of tyranny, to exculpate myself from

TOASTS

AND SENTIMENTS

being in any degree the cause, and to exert my faculties
to the utmost to extricate her. Whether I am gratified
or not in my beloved form of government, I consider that
the more she is plunged into distress, the more it is my
duty to relieve her. "Whatever may be the result, I shall
wait with patience till the day may come when an op-
portunity shall offer to exert myself in her cause.

"But I should be led to take that man for a lunatic,
who should tell me to run into the adoption of a govern-
ment avowedly defective, in hopes .of having it amended
afterward. Were I about to give away the meanest
particle of my own property, I should act with more
prudence and discretion. My anxiety and fears are
great, lest America, by the adoption of this system,
should be cast into a fathomless abyss."

Without the whole speeches—and these lack
of space forbids us to give—the reader loses
the nice points on both sides, but he readily per-
ceives the great secret of the effect of the debate,
which is the secret of the effect of eloquence
always—namely, earnestness. The speakers
believe what they say and are endeavoring to
impress others with that belief. And this earn-
estness is called out more strongly by the oppo-
sition. Each is master of his subject; each is
earnest in its support; and each uses simple and
appropriate language to express his opinions.
In fact, we know of nothing better as a foun-
dation of style in speaking—not even the speak-
ing of Demosthenes in the original—than a close

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

study of the debates, poorly as they are reported,
of the convention that framed the United States
Constitution, or that of any of the states who
met to consider the propriety of ratifying it.
For to such bodies, in those days, they sent
men and brains and culture, and those took their
legitimate lead.

Of course, if the reader of this little work
ever goes to a constitutional convention, or Con-
gress, he will not need or will not think he needs
any hints from us. It is the heaven-inspired
privilege of your congressman or legislator to
know everything, though, with astonishing
stinginess, he keeps that knowledge pretty gen-
erally closely to himself. But to the novice, be-
fore he gets to Congress, our instruction may be
of some use, and hence we have devoted so much
of our space to general principles and to extracts
in illustration.

We have previously spoken of humor, and
how dangerous it is in unpracticed hands. With
the skilled speaker it becomes a powerful
weapon. Two instances in our congressional his-
tory occur to us where the use of sarcasm—for
it is this form of humor that is most forcible
in debate—had astonishing effect. The first was
by the late Thomas Corwin. It was in Congress
in 1840. Mr. Crary, of Michigan, in a speech

62 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

on some particular subject, made a fierce attack
upon General Harrison, who was a candidate
for the presidency at that time, and in a labored
speech endeavored to show that General Har-
rison was very incompetent as a military man,
and had blundered terribly at the battle of Tip-
pecanoe. Thereupon Corwin replied in an
admirable bantering speech, whose irony was so
severe that it not only closed Crary's mouth
for the time, but drove him from public life alto-
gether. The second is more recent. There is
a bill which proposes to grant a certain amount
of public land for the St. Croix railroad—or,
rather, it is proposed to renew the grant in a
former bill, which failed to be used in time.
The bill has been rejected, but returns again.
Last year it made its appearance. Mr. J. Proc-
tor Knott, of Kentucky, was not satisfied with
the bill, but did not care to argue seriously upon
what he supposed to be a mere attempt to get
more of the public domain from its owners.
After speaking in a humorous way concerning
the St. Croix region, and holding up the friends
of the measure and the measure itself to ridi-
cule, he turned to the town of Minnesota which
was to be chiefly benefited by the measure, and
paid his respects to it in the following style;

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 63

"Now sir, I repeat I have been satisfied for years
that if there was any portion of the inhabited globe
absolutely in a suffering condition for want of a rail-
road, it was these teeming pine barrens of St. Croix.
(Laughter.) At what particular point on that noble
stream such a road should be commenced I know was
immaterial, and so it seems to have been considered by
the draughtsman of this bill. It might be up at the
spring or down at the foot-log, or the water-gate, or
the fish-dam, or anywhere along the Dank, no matter
where. (Laughter.) But in what direction it should
run, or where it should terminate, were always to my
mind questions of the most painful preplexity. I could
conceive of no place on 'God's greeu earth' in such
straitened circumstances for railroad facilities as to be
likely to desire or willing to accept such a connection.
(Laughter.) I know that neither Bayfield nor Superior
City would have it, for they both indignantly spurned
the munificence of the government when coupled with
such ignominious conditions, and let this very same land
grant die on their hands years and years ago, rather
than submit to the degradation of direct communica-
tion by railroad with the piney woods of the St. Croix;
and I know that what the enterprising inhabitants of
those giant young cities would refuse to take would have
few charms for others, whatever their necessities or
cupidity might be. (Laughter.) Hence, as I have
said, sir, I was utterly at a loss to determine where the
terminus of this great and indispensable road should be,
until I accidentally overheard some gentlemen the other
day mention the name of 'Duluth.' (Great Laughter.)
Duluth. The word fell upon my ear with peculiar and
indescribable charm, like the gentle murmur of a low

TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

fountain stealing forth in the midst of roses, or the
soft sweet accents of an angel's whisper in the bright,
joyous dream of sleeping innocence.

"Duluth! 'Twas the name for which my soul had
panted for years, as the hart panteth for the water-
brooks! (Renewed laughter.) But where wras Duluth?
Never, in all my limited reading, had my vision been
gladdened by seeing the celestial word in print. (Laugh-
ter.) And I felt a profounder humiliation in my ignor-
ance that its dulcet syllables had never before ravished
my delighted ear. (Roars of laughter.) I was certain
the draughtsman of this bill had never heard of it. or
it would have been designated as one of the termini of
this road. I asked my friends about it, but they knew
nothing of it. I rushed to the library and examined
all the maps I could find. (Laughter.) I discovered
in one of them a delicate, hair-like line, diverging froift
the Mississippi near a place called Prescott, which J
suppose was intended to represent the river St. Croix, but
I could nowhere find Duluth!

'"Nevertheless, I was confident that it existed some-
where, and tnat its discovery would constitute the
crowning glory of the present century, if not of all
modern times. (Laughter.) I knew it was bound to
exist in the very nature of things; that the symmetry
and perfection of our planetary system would be in-
complete without it (renewed laughter) ; that the ele-
ments of material nature would long since have resolved
themselves back into original chaos if there had been
such a hiatus in creation as would have resulted from
leaving out Duluth. (Roars of laughter.) In fact, sir,
I was overwhelmed with the conviction that Duluth not
only existed somewhere, but that, wherever it was, it was

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 65

a great and glorious place. I was convinced that the
greatest calamity that ever befell the benighted nations
of the ancient world was in their having passed away
without a knowledge of the actual existence of Duluth;
that their fabled Atlantis, never seen save by the hal-
lowed vision of inspired poesy, was, in fact, but another
name for Duluth; that the golden orchard of the
Hesperides was but a poetical synonym for the beer gar-
dens in the vicinity of Duluth. (Great laughter.) I
was certain that Herodotus had died a miserable death,
because in all his travels, and with all his geographical
research, he had never heard of Duluth. (Laughter.)
I knew that if the immortal spirit of Homer could look
down from another heaven than that created by his own
celestial genius, upon the long lines of pilgrims from
every nation of the earth to the gushing fountain of
poesy opened by the touch of his magic wand; if he
could be permitted to behold the vast assemblage of
grand and glorious productions of the lyric art called
into being by his own inspired strains, he would weep
tears of bitter anguish that, instead of lavishing all the
stores of his mighty genius upon the fall of Ilion, it had
not been his more blessed lot to crystallize in deathless
song the rising glories of Duluth. (Great and continued
laughter.) Yet, sir, had it not been for this map, kindly
furnished me by the Legislature of Minnesota, I might
have gone down to my obscure and humble grave in an
agony of despair because I could nowhere find Duluth.
(Eenewed laughter.) Had such been my melancholy
fate, I have no doubt but that, with the last feeble
pulsation of my breaking heart, with the last faint ex-
halation of my fleeting breath, I should have whispered,
'Where is Duluth?' (Roars of laughter.) But, thanks

66 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

be to the beneficence of that band of ministering angela
who have their bright abodes in the far-off capital of
Minnesota, just as the agony of my anxiety was about to
culminate in the frenzy of despair, this blessed map was
placed in my hands and as I unfolded it a resplendent
scene of ineffable glory opened before me, such as I
imagine burst upon the enraptured vision of the wan-
dering peri through the opening gates of paradise. (Re-
newed laughter.) Then, there for the first time, my
enchanted eyes rested upon the ravishing word 'Duluth.'

"This map, sir, is intended, as it appears from its
title, to illustrate the position of Duluth in the United
States; but if gentlemen will examine it, I think they
will concur with me in the opinion that it is far too
modest in its pretensions. It not only illustrates the
position of Duluth in the United States, but exhibits its
relations with all created things. It even goes further
than this. It lifts the shadowy veil of futurity and
affords us a view of the golden prospects of Duluth far
along the dim vista of ages yet to come.

"If gentlemen will examine it they will find Duluth not
only in the center of the map, but represented in the
center of a series of concentric circles one hundred miles
apart, and some of them as much as four thousand miles
in diameter, embracing alike in their tremendous sweep
the fragrant savannas of the sunlit South and the eternal
solitude of snow that mantle the ice-bound North.
(Laughter.) How these circles were produced is per-
haps one of those primordial mysteries that the most
skillful paleologists will never be able to explain. (Re-
newed laughter.) But the fact is, sir, Duluth is pre-emi-
nently a central place, for I have been told by gentlemen
who have been so reckless of their personal safety as to

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 67

venture away into those awful regions where Duluth is
supposed to be, that it is so exactly in the center of the
visible universe that the sky comes down at precisely the
same distance all around it. (Koars of laughter.) I
find by reference to this map that Duluth is situated
somewhere near the western end of Lake Superior, but
as there is no dot or other mark indicating its exact lo-
cation, I am unable to say whether it is actually con-
fined to any particular spot, or whether 'it is just lying
around there loose.' (Eenewed laughter.) 1 really can-
not tell whether it is one of those ethereal creations of
intellectual frost-work, more intangible than the rose
tinted clouds of a summer sunset; one of those airy
exhalations of the speculator's brain which I am told are
ever flitting in the form of towns and cities along the
lines of railroad built with government subsidies, luring
the unwary settler as the mirage of the desert lures the
famishing traveler on, and ever on, until it fades away
in the darkening horizon, or whether it is a real, bona
fide, substantial city, all 'staked off,' with the lots
marked with their owners' names like that proud com-
mercial metropolis recently discovered on the desirable
shores of San Domingo. (Laughter.) But, however
that may be, I am satisfied Duluth is there, or there
about, for I see it stated here on this map that it is ex-
actly thirty-nine hundred and ninety miles from Liver-
pool (laughter), though I have no doubt for the sake of
convenience, it will be moved back ten miles, so as to
make the distance an even four thousand. (Eenewed
laughter.)

"Then, sir, there is the climate of Duluth, unquestion-
ably the most salubrious and delightful to be found any-
where on the Lord's earth. Now, I have always been

68 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

under the impression, as I presume other gentlemen
have, that in the region around Lake Superior, it was
cold enough for at least nine months in the year to freeze
the smoke-stack off a locomotive. (Great laughter.)
But I see it represented on this map that Dnluth i3
situated exactly half way between the latitudes of Paris
and Venice, so that gentlemen who have inhaled the
exhilarating airs of the one, basked in the golden sun-
light of the other, may see at a glance that Duluth must
be a place of untold delights (laughter), a terrestrial
paradise fanned by the balmy zephyrs of an eternal
spring, clothed in the gorgeous sheen of ever-blooming
flowers, and vocal with the silver melody of nature's
choicest songsters. (Laughter.) In fact, sir, since [
have seen this map I have no doubt that Byron was
vainly endeavoring to convey some faint conceptions of
the delicious charms of Duluth when his poetic soul
gushed forth in the rippling strains of that beautiful
rhapsody—

Know ye the land of the cedar and pine,
Where the flowers ever blossom, the beams ever shine;
"Where the light w-ings of Zephyr, oppressed with per-
fume.
Wax faint o'er the gardens of Gaul in her bloom;
Where the citron and olive are fairest of fruit,
And the voice of the nightingale never is mute;
Where the tints of the earth and the hues of the sky,
In color, though varied, in beauty may vie?

"As to the commercial resources of Duluth, sir, they
are simply illimitable, and inexhaustible, as is shown
by this map. I see it stated here that there is a vast
scope of territory, embracing an area of over 3,000,000

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

square miles, rich in every element of material wealth
and commercial prosperity, all tributary to Duluth. Look
at it, sir, (pointing to the map). Here are inexhaustible
mines of gold, immeasurable veins of silver, impenetrable
depths of boundless forest, vast coal treasures, wide ex-
tended plains of richest pasturage, all, all embraced in
this vast territory, which must, in the very nature of
things, empty the untold treasures of its commerce into
the lap of Duluth. (Laughter.) Look at it, sir, (point-
ing to the map) ; do not you see, from these broad,
brown lines drawn around this immense territory, that
the enterprising inhabitants of Duluth intend some day
to inclose it all in one vast corral, so that its commerce
will be bound to go there whether it would or not?
(Great laughter.) And here, sir, (still pointing to the
map), I find, within a convenient distance, the Piegan
Indians, which, of all the many accessories to the glory
of Duluth, I consider by far the most estimable. For,
sir, I have been told that when the smallpox breaks out
among the women and children of that famous tribe, as
it sometimes does, they afford the finest subject in the
world for stragetical experiments, and any enterprising
military hero who desires to improve himself in the noble
art of war (laughter), especially for any lieutenant-
general whose

Trechant blade, Toledo trusty,

For want of fighting has grown rusty,

And eats into itself for lack

Of somebody to hew and hack.
(Great laughter.)

"Sir, the great conflict now raging in the Old Weill
has presented a phenomenon in military operations mi-

70 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

precedented in the annals of mankind, a phenomenon
that has reversed all the traditions of the past as it has
disappointed all the expectations of the present. A
great and warlike people, renowned alike for their skill
and valor, have been swept away before the triumphant
advance of an inferior foe, like autumn stubble before
a hurricane of fire. For aught I know, the next flash of
electric fire that shimmers along the ocean cable may tell
us that Paris, with every fiber quivering with the agony
of impotent despair, writhes beneath the conquering
heel of her cursed invader. Ere another moon shall wax
and wane the brightest star in the galaxy of nations
may fall from the zenith of her glory, never to rise
again. Ere the modest violets of early spring shall
open their beauteous eyes, the genius of civilization may
chant the wailing requiem of the proudest nationality
the world has ever seen, as she scatters her withered and
tear moistened lilies o'er the bloody tomb of the butch-
ered France. But, sir, I wish to ask if you honestly
and candidly believe that the Dutch would have ever
overrun the French in that kind of style if Gen. Sheri-
dan had not gone over there and told King William and
Von Moltke how he had managed to whip the Piegan
Indians." (Great laughter.)

(Here the hammer fell.)

(Many cries, "Go on!" "Go on.")

The Speaker—"Is there objection to the gentleman
from Kentucky continuing his remarks? The Chair hears
none. The gentleman will proceed."

Mr. Knott—"I was remarking, sir, upon these vast
'wheat fields/ represented on this map in the immediate
neighborhood of the buffaloes and the Piegans, and
was about to say that the idea of there being these

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 71

immense wheat fields in the very heart of a wilderness,
hundreds and hundreds of miles beyond the utmost verge
of civilization, may appear to some gentlemen rather
incongruous—as rather too great a strain on the 'blank
ets' of veracity. But, to my mind, there is no difficulty
in the matter whatever. The phenomenon is very easily
accounted for. It is evident, sir, that the Piegans
sowed that wheat there and plowed it in with buffalo
bulls. (Great laughter.) Now, sir, this fortunate
combination of buffaloes and Piegans, considering their
relative positions to each other and to Duluth, as they
are arranged on this map, satisfies me that Duluth is
destined to be the beef market of the world.

"Here you will observe (pointing to the map), are
the buffaloes, directly between the Piegans and Duluth,
and here, right on the road to Duluth, are the Creeks.
Now, sir, when the buffaloes are sufficiently fat from
grazing on those immense wheat fields, you see it w7ill
be the easiest thing in the world for the Piegans to
drive them on down, stay all night with their friends,
the Creeks, and go into Duluth in the morning. (Great
laughter.) I think I see them now, sir, a vast herd of
buffaloes, with their heads down, their eyes glaring,
their nostrils dilated, their tongues out, and their tails
curled over their backs, tearing along toward Duluth,
with about a thousand Piegans on their grass-bellied
ponies, yelling at their heels! (Great laughter.) On
they come! And as they sweep past the Creeks they
join in the chase, and the way they all go, yelling,
bellowing, ripping and tearing along, amid clouds of
dust, until the last buffalo is safely penned in the stock
yards of Duluth. (Shouts of laughter.)

"Sir, I might stand here for hours, and expatiate with

72 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

rapture upon the gorgeous prospects of Duluth as de-
picted upon this map. But human life is too short, and
the time of this House far too valuable to allow me to
linger longer upon the delightful theme. (Laughter.)
I think every gentleman on this floor is as well satisfied
as I am that Duluth is destined to become the com-
mercial metropolis of the universe, and that this road
&hould be built at once. I am fully persuaded that no
patriotic representative of the American people, who
has a proper appreciation of the associated glories of
Duluth and the St. Croix, will hesitate a moment to say
that every able-bodied female in the land between the
ages of eighteen and forty-five who is in favor of
'women's rights' should be drafted and set to work upon
this great work without delay. (Roars of laughter.)
Nevertheless, sir, it grieves my very soul to be com-
pelled to say that I cannot vote for the grant of lands
provided for in this bill.

"Ah! sir, you can have no conception of the poignancy
of my anguish that I am deprived of the blessed privi-
lege! (Laughter.) There are two insuperable ob-
stacles in the way. In the first place, my constituents,
for whom I am acting here, have no more interest in
this road than they have in the great question of culinary
taste now, perhaps, agitating the public mind of
Dominica, as to whether the illustrious commissioners
who recently left this capital for that free and en-
lightened republic would be better fricasseed, boiled or
roasted (great laughter); and, in the second place, these
lands which I am asked to give away, alas, are not mine
to bestow! My relation to them is simply that of
trustee to an express trust. And shall I ever betray
that trust? Never, sir! Rather perish Duluth!

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES IS

(Vfliouta of laughter.) Perish the paragon of cities!
Bather let the freezing cyclones of the bleak northwest
bury it forever beneath the eddying sands of the St.
Croix!" (Great laughter.)

Speechmaking in General.

Having given the reader some idea of the
three kinds of speeches mostly in vogue—for
the set, or written oration, is confined nowa-
days to the lecture-room or pulpit—we close
by a chapter of detailed instruction.

No man should speak in public unless he
have something to say and a purpose to serve
thereby. Nor should he speak unless he can
say that something properly. Nor should he
continue to speak after he has exhausted his
subject. We therefore consider, first, the mat:
ter of the speech; secondly, the manner of the
speech; and, thirdly, the end of the speech.

First, then, of the matter. There must be
ideas, and one leading idea around which the
rest should be grouped. This should be intro-
duced by a brief exordium, and should be prop-
erly insisted on and sustained, but never
entirely lost silght of. You speak to a certain
end, whatever the subject or whenever you
74

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 75

speak. Let that be kept in mind from first to
last. But do not attempt to do too much. If
you are making a speech in opposition to a cer-
tain political policy, do not endeavor to expose
all the errors of your opponents. Select the one
which is the most recent in public report, or
most likely to arouse popular prejudice, or is
of itself most enormous. Having presented its
wrong in as terse language as possible, endeavor
to show that it is not so much to the wicked-
ness of your opponents as to the inherent ten-
dency of the system of public policy which they
support. Nothing is lost by attributing good
motives to your opponents. The hearer thinks
you to be generous and frank, which predisposes
him to give you a fair hearing. Then take up
more particularly that part of their policy con-
nected with the particular subject under dis-
cussion. So soon as you have made a strong
point, and you see it has told on the audience,
do not weaken it by elaboration, but go to an-
other portion of the subject; or, if you find you
have made an effective hit, close without delay.
If you are discussing a subject with others, you
may proceed a little differently. If they have
made any points that are apt to tell against
your position, notice them after you have made
your own points, but do not be seduced to con-

iC) TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

sider them solely, or to devote too much time to
their refutation, otherwise you will be forced
into the defensive, which is always disadvant-
ageous.

Study to use the plainest and simplest words
and phrases. We do not mean by this that you
should, in avoiding long and ponderous words,
fall into the error of using "slang" expres-
sions, but that you should take in preference
words of Saxon or Celtic rather than of Latin
or Greek origin. Say that the house was
''burned," not that it "fell before the devour-
ing elements;' * say that the man was '' hanged,''
and not that he "suffered death by strangula-
tion;" say "milk," and not "the lacteal fluid"
—in short, use such words and phrases as are
understood by the most uncultured, and you
will not injure yourself in the estimation of the
learned. Otherwise, though you may astonish
the ignorant, you will be laughed at by people
of common sense, who are greater in number
than some people suppose.

While we insist on using not only the simplest
words, but the fewest necessary to convey a
meaning properly, we do not advise that brevity
should be carried to the extent of barrenness.
The use of words to an end is very much like
ine use of money. It may be extravagant to

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

spend very little, and economical to spend very
much. As that is the best use of money which
gets what we want for the least expenditure,
we use words best when we just use enough to
convey our meaning clearly and elegantly, and
no more.

Avoid quotations, unless they enforce a point,
but above all keep clear of classical quotations
and scraps of foreign or dead languages. In a
body composed of thoroughly educated men you
may air your learning a little, but not before a
miscellaneous audience. If you do quote, how-
ever, see that it suits the time, and not be lugged
in to show your memory.

Figures of rhetoric should be sparingly used.,
and some of them with more particular caution.
The most apt to be used by the inexperienced
orator are simile, metaphor, apostrophe and
ecphonesis. Simile and metaphor differ in this
—simile compares things, and metaphor indenti-
fies them. The latter is the more powerful, and,
in general, preferable. "He is bold as a lion"
there is simile; "he is a lion"—there is meta-
phor. Either, however, should be sparingly em-
ployed, and should come naturally out of the
management of the subject, and not be dragged
in.

Apostrophe and ecphonesis differ in this —

78 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

that apostrophe is an address to something or
some one connected with the subject under con-
sideration, while ecphonesis is a sudden exclama- i
tion, expressing some kind of emotion springing
from the main subject. The latter is a very |
commonly used figure, and as it diverts the atten-
tion of the hearer from the main subject, its <
excess should be guarded against. j

Antithesis is a figure of great value. By con-
trasting things or qualities directly opposite, it i
produces frequently a striking effect. One of
the most remarkable specimens of antithesis is
to be found in one of the speeches of the cele- ^
brated Irish orator Phillips, in which he speaks {
of the elder Napoleon, as follows:

"Flung into life in the midst of a revolution that

quickened every energy of a people who acknowledged £
no superior, he commenced his course, a stranger by
birth, and a scholar by charity. With no friend but his

sword, and no fortune but his talents, he rushed in the >;

list where rank, and wealth, and genius had arrayed ji

themselves, and competition fled from him, as from the |

glance of destiny. [~

"He knew no motive but interest; acknowledged no 1

criterion but success; he worshipped no God but ambi- |

tion, and with an eastern devotion, he knelt at the shrine |

of his idolatry. Subsidiary to this, there was no creed ■

that he did not profess, there wras no opinion that he j

did not promulgate; in the hope of a dynasty, he upheld f

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

the crescent; for the sake of a divorce, he bowed before
the cross; the orphan of St. Louis, he became the
adopted child of the republic; and with a parricidal
ingratitude, on the ruins of both the throne and the
tribune, he reared the throne of his despotism. A pro-
fessed Catholic, he imprisoned the pope; a pretended
patriot, he impoverished the country; and in the name
of Brutus, he grappled without remorse, and wore with-
out shame the diadem of'the Caesars.

"The whole continent trembled at beholding the
audacity of his designs, and the miracle of their execu-
tion. Skepticism bowed to the prodigies of his perform-
ance; romance assumed the air of history; nor was there
aught too incredible for belief, or too fanciful for
expectation, when the world saw a subaltern of Corsica
waving his imperial flag over her most ancient capitals.
All the visions of antiquity became common-place in his
contemplation; kings were his people; nations were his
outposts; and he disposed of courts, and crowns, and
camps, and churches, and cabinets, as if they were the
titular dignitaries of the chess-board! Amid all these
changes he stood immutable as adamant. It mattered
little whether in the field, or in the drawing-room; with
the mob, or the levee; wearing the Jacobin bonnet, ot
the iron crown; banishing a Braganza, or espousing a
Hapsburg; dictating peace on a raft to the Czar of
Russia, or contemplating defeat at the gallows of Leip-
sig, he was still the same military despot.

"In this wonderful combination his affectations of
literature must not be omitted. The jailer of the press,
he affected the patronage of letters; the proscriber of
books, he encouraged philosophy; the persecutor of
authors, and the murderer of printers, he yet pretended

80 TOASTS AND SENTlMEN'ib

te the protection of learning; the assassin of Palm, the
silencer of De Stael, and the denouncer of Kotzebue;
he was the friend of David, the benefactor of De Lillie,
and sent his academic prize to the philosopher of Eng-
land.

"Such a medley of contradictions, and, at the same
time, such an individual consistency, were never united
in the same character. A Eoyalist, a Republican, and
an emperor; a Mohammedan; a Catholic, and a patron
of the synagogue; a subaltern and a sovereign; a traitor
and a tyrant; a Christian and an infidel; he was,
through all his vicissitudes, the same stern, impatient,
inflexible original; the same mysterious, incompre-
hensible self; the man without a model, and without a
shadow."

Climax is a figure of great force, by which the
speaker commences at the lowest or weakest and
gradually ascends to the highest or strongest
points. But it is, after all, a story within a
story; for a speech itself should be a climax,
commencing with the weakest and closing at the
strongest point.

"Time was, indeed, when the princes of a royal house,
on returning from the chase, fired at the slaters at work
on the house-tops of Paris, and laughed to see them falJ.
Time was when kings made battues of their unhappy
subjects, and power coerced panting poverty till it stood
hopelessly at bay or lay down in despair to die. But
to-day all that has changed. The chase still goes on;
now poverty coerces power. The hunters have become
the hunted, and the game is royal."

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

Personification, by which we give abstract mat-
ters or inanimate things a distinct personality,
i* often effectively introduced. In his speech
in opposition to war measures, Josiah Quincy
made a very fine use of this figure. He said:

"An embargo liberty was never cradled in Massachu-
setts. Our liberty was not so much a mountain, as a
sea nymph. She was free as air. She could swim, or
she could run. The ocean was her cradle. Our fathers
met her as she came, like the goddess of beauty, from
the waves. They caught her as she was sporting on the
beach. They courted her whilst she was spreading her
nets upon the rocks. But an embargo liberty; a hand-
cuffed liberty; a liberty in fetters; a liberty traversing
between the four sides of a prison and beating her head
against the walls, is none of our offspring. We abjure
the monster. Its parentage is all inland."

These, and other figures of speech, are more
to be spurned than employed, if the novice
desires to make an effective speaker. He will
be apt to think them fine, but this is an error.
Even if excellent of themselves, they are apt to
divert the mind of the auditors from the main
question. Hence the best orators use them spar-
ingly; and in any business speech, never. In
the latter, indeed, he is most effective who makes
a plain statement, and occupies as little time as
possible in doing it. The young and unpracticed
orator does not make his speech, however, so

82 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

much to gain a point as to make a display. He
is apt to think he has succeeded when some sally
of his provokes laughter or wins applause. The
practiced orator knows better, and is far better
pleased if he obtain a close and earnest attention
from his auditors. Hence he avoids mere dis-
play and strives to give an epigrammatic force
to his sentences and to condense as much as pos-
sible.

It is true that the style employed is to be modi-
fied a deal by the subject matter. In an oration
on a set subject—in a lecture—in a sermon—or
in a literary address, the style should be more
ornate; and in a dinner speech more playful
than in a business speech. But nowhere should
the ornate be cumbrous or excessive. It ceases
to be ornament when it makes up the main mat-
ter. And elegance may be had with the most
sparing use of rhetorical figures, or without
them at all.

We recollect once attending the meeting of
a council in a country town, where a proposal
to pave the main street was under consideration.
One member was in favor of using cobble-stones
for the purpose, and delivered quite a long
speech to show that this was the cheapest in the
end, that it would require less repair than other
modes, and would give the village quite a city-

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

like appearance. His remarks made some im-
pression, though they rather tired both the
council and the townsfolk who were listening to,
and interested in, the discussion. A quiet mem-
ber, who rarely spoke, arose and answered him,
substantially, and, in some part of our report,
exactly, thus:

"Mr. Chairman: I have listened with proper atten-
tion to the gentleman who has just sat down, and have
weighed well all he has said. I differ with him, and
prefer that we should macadamize the main street, for
very plain reasons. The first cost of a thorough macad-
aniization is not only less, but it will be cheaper in the
end. Whether you cover the surface with broken stone,
or with sand and cobble stones, the surface must be
properly graded in either instance to receive this pro-
tecting coat. Thus far the cost is the same. Then
begins the difference. The gentleman admits that to
haul the gravel and to place the cobble-stones properly
will cost more than to cover the surface with eighteen
inches of finely-broken stone. He thinks that the cobble-
stone pavement would remain immovable, while the
macadamized surface would fall into ruts. If he will go
to any city he will discover that in a few months, more
or less according to the traffic, the cobble-stone pave-
ment changes from its level to a succession of hills and
hollows; that the gravel in which the stones are bedded
retains moisture, and is acted on by frost which heaves
the stones above more or less out of place. Repairs are
costly. They require not only a resetting of the stone,
but a readjustment of the gravel. The ma,eadamize4

TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

road, if made as it ought to be, of small stones with
sharp edges, and without a mixture of gravel or clay,
so that it will bend by pressure, and pack into a natural
drain from the surface, is not upheaved by the frost;
and any ruta that are formed can be easily repaired with
a few pecks of stones, if properly watched. As to the
final reason in favor of cobble-stones, that it will give
'a city air' to the main street, I presume this is meant
as a sly bit of sarcasm, and is not to be taken seriously.
But if the gentleman be really in earnest, I hope he
will recall to his mind that we are not a city, and will
not become so by putting on a city air; and that he will
remember the fate of the unlucky frog who undertook
to swell to the size of an ox, and came to great grief in
the attempt."

The council decided against the cobble-stones.

The main points of an effective speech are
clearness of idea, precision of statement, sim-
plicity of language, methodical arrangement,
and a style of handling that hits the subject.

And, next, as to the manner of delivering the
speech. We have already spoken about the atti-
tude of the body, which should be free, natural
and unconstrained, and about the avoidance of
mechanical gesture. Some persons stand as
immovable as stone posts, which is bad, but, bad
as it is, it is infinitely better than the trick of
others who sway themselves violently back and
forth, or use their arms as though they were

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

handles of a force-pump or the sails of a wind-
mill.

We again call attention to distinctness of
enunciation. Every word, syllable and sound
should be plainly articulated. While the voice
should take the colloquial tone, the words should
not be clipped, nor the sound of one run into the
sound of another. This is an imperative rule,
and cannot be too much insisted on. In order
to easily obey it, it is better to practice the vocal
sounds and repeat the labials, or lip sounds;
dentals, or teeth sounds; palatal, or palate
sounds, and linguals, or tongue sounds, first sep-
arately, and then in the words wherein they pre-
dominate. This done, the words wherein the
dentals and linguals come together, and finally
those in which the nasal sounds join the rest,
should be practiced sedulously. Words termin-
ating in st, or t'st, or d'st, if not perfectly pro-
nounced, annoy the ear, and often embarrass the
speaker, who feels his failure to give them in
their full force.

The management of the voice requires careful
study. Where the speech is narrative, or the
statement of the premises, the tone is that of
ordinary conversation. Where the speaker
warms with his subject, and becomes animated,
the voice rises; if he touches upon a pathetic

TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

subject, the voice at the more affecting parts
sinks. If he indulges in humor, be gives the
funny point with an expected quickness; if he
rises to the sublime, the voice takes on a mono-
tone. Inflections and emphasis must be attended
to and closely studied. Inflection is nothing
more than the change of tone—if it begin in
a low tone, and end in a higher, that is called
the rising inflection; and if it begin in a high
tone and end in a lower tone, that is the falling
inflection. A question is given with a rising,
and an answer with a falling inflection. The
only rule as to inflections which it is requisite
to follow closely is to let them come from your
own earnestness, and they will be natural, and
so effective. Emphasis, which is the dwelling
upon particular words, and not the mere utter-
ing them in a louder tone—you may be emphatic
in a whisper—is to be carefully attended to. A
false emphasis might alter your entire meaning.
Thus to say, '' She does not love me,'' infers that
I am loved by others, but not by her—the em-
phasis on she really bring me prominently for-
ward; but to say, "She does not love me," inti-
mates that she loves some one else, and makes
her the principal figure in the word-picture.

The great necessity of a young speaker is con-
fidence and obliviousness to his audience. How

AFTER DINNER. SPEECHES

often you hear two Avell-informed men disputing
on some topic, oblivious of the fact that you are
listening. Observe with what animation and
energy they make their points! Notice how nat-
ural are their tones, how correct their inflections
and how graceful their gestures! Their lan-
guage is simple, refined, appropriate and forc-
ible. But introduce thirty or forty people who
will sit down in silence and listen in grave silence
to this discussion. Notice how the spirits of the
disputants sink; how their tones of voice
change; how irregular are the inflections, how
uncertain the emphasis; what stiffness replaces
the elegant gestures, and -what embarrassment
succeeds the ease of manner! The first requi-
site, then, for the student of oratory is to learn
to consider that he is engaged either in a dis-
cussion with a friend, or in talking to some mem-
ber of his family. To do this more effectually,
he should use a colloquial tone of voice and a
familiar manner; should make no attempts at
graceful gestures, or mere physical eloquence,
but accustom himself to facing a crowd. He
will find great help in this by looking at the
farthest quiet, individual before him, and
addressing him solely, keeping his eye on that
one alone.

Practice speaking wherever you can. Do not

TOASTS AND

SENTIMENTS

disdain the debating society. The subjects
chosen for discussion there are generally ab-
surd, or at least trivial; but the practice is
everything. Write out your views on any popu-
lar topic, and, when you have done this, read it
over and over again, prune it of all superfluous
words; cut out all adjectives not absolutely
necessary; read it over again and again; declaim
it in your chamber, and then—make lamplight-
ers out of the manuscript. If you expect to or
are desirous of making a speech on any subject,
or are likely to be called to discuss it, read
everything upon that subject you can find. Pore
over, think over it in all its aspects; read both
sides. You can not have too much knowledge.
Knowledge aids you in matter, practice in man-
ner. Read the speeches of Patrick Henry, the
Randolphs, John Adams, Tristram Burgess (ex-
cept his early ones), Josiah Quincy. Livingston,
Clinton, Clay, Calhoun, Webster, Dallas, Doug-
lass, Wise, Breckenridge, Wendell Phillips and
Thaddeaus Stevens in this country; and Chat-
ham, Canning, Fox, Pitt, Curran, Burke, Grat-
tan, Phillips, Cobden, Brougham, Peel, Bright,
Palmerston, Disraeli and Gladstone in England.
Practice the vocal sounds so as to obtain a dis-
tinct articulation. Make yourself master of
your art by patient toil, abandoning the false

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 89

notion that eloquence is a matter of inspiration.
»,You may meet with some mortifications; but if
you persevere you will be able to speak when-
ever called on. not only to your own satisfac-
tion, but to the pleasure of your auditors, and
if you do not become the perfect orator, it lies
in your power to be an elegant and effective pub-
lic speaker.

And, finally, as to the end of the speech:
When you have come to an end—Stop!

Presentation Speeches

This chapter is a wheel within a wheel, and
has been written after all the rest was in type.
It is virtualy a supplement—the result of an
after-suggestion; and. no matter where the pub-
lisher may put it, should be placed as an appen-
dix.

An experienced friend, after reading the rest
of the manuscript, said: "Your little work is
very practical in the main, and calculated to
be serviceable, unless the reader be a noodle;
but-----"

As he stopped here and looked as wise as an
owl, we inquired what followed the "but."

Said he, with the confidence of an oracle:
"You should have devoted a chapter to Presenta-
tion Speeches. True, the man who reads your
little treatise carefully and digests the matter
therein ought to be able to say what he has to
say acceptably at least. Ten to one, if he be
the unhappy fellow who is to present something
to some one on behalf of some others, or the
unhappy fellow who is to get it, he won't. Give
90

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

a few examples, at least, of how the thing ought
to be done—models for imitation."

Now that is the very thing we have avoided
all through the book. We could cite some speci-
mens to show how the thing has been done at
times, but they are not models.

We remember one. A silver goblet was to be
given to a civic gentleman by a number of admir-
ers in his ward. The night of presentation came
and brought with it the donors, the donee, the
goblet, and a basket of champagne.

After a moderate refreshment there was a
dead pause. Then the chairman of the commit-
tee cleared his throat and the auditors breath-
lessly awaited the burst of eloquence from the
silver-tongued orator. He struck an attitude-
one arm thrust backward, the other extended
and rather drooping—the exact position of an
old-fashioned pump. Then he spoke:

"Alderman, that's the mug!"

The recipient advanced, took the goblet by
the shank, satisfied himself of its probable
weight, set it down again, and replied, in a
timid way:

"Is that them? Thank you. Gentlemen, let's
imbibe."

And they imbibed.

We remember another. Here a watch was to

TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

be given another ward politician. The orator
of the evening commenced with a slight his-
torical sketch of the various instruments used
for measuring and recording time—spoke of the
dial of Ahaz, of the clepsydra, of ancient clocks,
of the masterpiece at Strasburg, of "Nurem-
berg eggs," of wooden clocks, of escapements,
of cylinders, of movements in general—a most
cyclopedic summary of facts. From this he en-
tered on a disquisition upon the value of time.
Then he pounced upon the party to whom it
was to be given, upon whom he pronounced a
panegyric, and after a soul-stirring allusion to
that variegated piece of bunting poetically
known as the Star-Spangled Banner, and a pass-
ing reference to that mythical fowl called the
American Eagle, wound up his hour and a quar-
ter's work by handing over the chronometer.
Then the donee began, and, after occupying a
half hour in explaining the emotions that agi-
tated his manly bosom, pronounced a solemn
vow that the watch would go down to his heirs
as an evidence, etc. We presume that promise
was kept—or at least, about a year afterward,
the party being then out of office and impecuni-
ous, it went to his "uncle's" as an evidence that
he had effected a loan of fifty dollars on it.

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

On second thoughts we remember one more
speech that was a very fair model in its way,
and it was by a man who never had made a
speech before in his life, but who achieved a
social reputation of an enviable kind by that,
single effort.

The pupils of a well-known writing master,
at the close of the session, were so pleased with
the care taken by their teacher that they sub-
scribed and purchased for him a gold pen—a
very neat affair, with a gold handle, studded
with small diamonds. It cost twenty-five dol-
lars—the share of each pupil being only about
fifty cents. The class was made up mainly of
clerks and workingmen, and they selected as
their spokesman a young carpenter. In the
middle of the last lesson the incipient orator,
pen in hand, rapped loudly on his desk. The
teacher, who was engaged in examining the copy
of one of the pupils, looked up in amaze:

"Mr. --------."

"Well?" said the teacher inquiringly.

"Your pupils here have planned a little surprise for
you, and they hope it will be a pleasant one. They have
obtained this pen, and have commissioned me to present
it to you in their name. In their behalf I request you
to accept it, not only as an acknowledgment of the care
you have bestowed on their instruction in penmanship,
but as a token of the good will they bear you, and as

94 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

an evidence of how much they appreciate your good
temper, conscientiousness and the many other good qual-
ities they have found you to possess. Although it is a
very good pen, and a rather fine piece of workmanship,
we expect you to prize it less for its intrinsic value
than for the proof it gives you that where you thought
you had only found fifty pupils, you find you have made
fifty friends."

The writing-master was taken aback. The
secret had been well kept, and he was thoroughly
surprised. He stammered, hesitated, and at last
said: -

"Well, gentlemen, I accept it in the same spirit that
it was offered, and you may believe that I prize it very
much. I am surprised, I am a good deal more—I am
delighted. It is not the first time that I have received
tokens like this from my pupils; but it always leaked
out before, and I was quite ready. This time I'm caught
unprepared; but I can tell you that I am grateful in
spite of the little embarrassment—not only for the gift,
which is something; but for the kind words, which are
more. I can shape letters better than I can utter
words; but if I have fifty friends here, and I know I
have, each of the fifty has a warm friend in me, and—"

Here he broke down and they gave him three
cheers, and the whole affair wound up w7ith a
handshaking and a good time generally.

The great point of a presentation speech is the
avoidance of extraneous matter. The next essen-
tial point is that the words shall have an extern-

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

pore air, and be cordial but not too familiar,
have no formality, and yet not be flippant, and
show feeling without any mock sentiment.

It is quite common among parishioners nowa-
days, when a clergyman has been rather over-
worked, to give him leave of absence to travel,
either to Europe or elsewhere, and the wealthiest
of his congregation in that case make up a purse
to defray his traveling expenses. This is usu-
ally presented at a vestry or committee meet-
ing, or at the parsonage, or rectory. As the
clergyman is the head of the spiritual famity,
the members of his parochial charge approach
him with more external remarks of respect than
ward politicians bestow on their leader. Thus
the spokesman may say:

"Reverend and Dear Sir: Your parishioners are sorry
to part with you, even for a brief time, and more sorry
that you health, broken down in the service of our
Divine Master, and in your ministering to the spiritual
needs of your flock, requires change of air and scene to
restore it. We desire to see you back among us as you
were, ready to enter with renewed vigor on your labors.
In order that your mind may be free from any anxiety
about pecuniary matters, and you may thus derive the
most unalloyed pleasure from your travels, a few of
your parishioners have taken the liberty of making up
a small purse for your use. We know of no reason why
your children in the faith should not take care of the

96 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

mere physical wants of their spiritual father, and we
ask you to accept this as some token of the esteem and
reverence we bear for you, and with it to carry away
our warm hopes for a pleasant voyage and a joyous
return.'

Or he may say, more briefly:

"Keverend and Dear Sir: We regret to lose you even
for a time from our midst, but as we know you have
been overworked of late, and require a slight vacation,
we bear our parting as an unpleasant necessity. You
must not go too scantily provided with means, and we
expect you to permit us to discharge some part of our
many debts to you, by this slight contribution which I
am directed to place in your hands. The ties which join
us are so tender and intimate, and you have been so
completely the head of our spiritual household, that we
claim it as our right to give, and your duty to accept,
this little mark of our friendship and veneration."

Or, more briefly still:

"If you must leave us, Brother ----------, you must not

go on your journey too scantily provided. Pray add
this mite to your means of travel, and when you visit
the scenes where our Lord lived and suffered, remember
pleasantly and affectionately your children in the faith
whose hearts go forth with you in all your wanderings."

A recent convention of the editors of New York
state was marked by a pleasant presentation epi-
sode, Mr. A. O. Bunnell, of the Dansville Adver-
tiser, being the recipient of a handsome caie, a
compliment from his editorial brethren. Mr.

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 97

Mac Arthur, the spokesman, in the words of the
Watertown Daily Times,'' Then stepped forward
and confronted Mr. Bunnell with a weapon in
his hand which looked suspiciously like a cane.''
He proceeded to speak as follows:

"Sir, I am happy that it is my pleasant duty to
address the handsomest man in the stats. I am
delighted, sir, that to me is deputed the duty of caning
you on this occasion; and while I am not very strong
in eloquence and power, 1 feel that I am able to cane
you. You have discharged the duties of your position
far more ably than any other member of our association
could have done, and I certainly know that your hand-
writing is a great improvement on Horace Greeley's. I
assure you, sir, that the editorial association, of which
you have been so long an ornament, feel that in present-
ing this cane to you they but feebly acknowledge what
you have done for them. Sir, 1 assure you that this is
a gold-headed cane. My only grief in parting with it
is that gold is very scarce in our profession, and we
wish to hold on to it as long as possible. Sir, I will not
prolong these remarks. I am happy to be permitted to
present this to you. I hope it will be many years be-
fore you find it necessary to rely upon this as your chief
staff of life."

Mr. Bunnell replied in the following manner:
"Mr. MacArthur and brethren of the association, I
do not know what to say to-night. Your confidence in
my integrity and ability, which has been expressed year
after year, by re-electing me to a position responsible,
and sometimes delicate, has touched my heart very ten-

98 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

derly. I wish 1 bad better deserved this testimonial.
But this renewed and intensified expression of your
esteem has taken me by storm This whole affair, this
scene about me to-night seems like a wonderful dream
of fairyland, and I know of but one way to account for
it. One of the finest writers of the English language
has said that 'the world is curved round about with
heaven. Its great, blue arches bend low on every hand,
and how one can get out of the world without getting
into heaven is, to us, a physical mystery.' It seems to
me that somehow I have got out of the world and got
into heaven; and as an editor I never expected to get
into heaven, I don't know what to do or say now that
I am there. Gentlemen, I can only thank you for this
beautiful and costly testimonial, and I hope I may be
better worthy of it than I have been in the past."

Such gifts are usually attended with a lit-
tle speechmaking. for the family and its friends
require something of the kind as a concession to
the general love of gab. This should have even
less form than the parochial or the political gift
speech. Thus, at a wedding breakfast, the uncle
of the bride may desire to give her a watch. He
seizes the opportunity, after the guests have
broken the edge of appetite, to interpose, in the
first lull of chat, by a direct address to the bride:

"My dear Mrs.:-----"

Of course the lady starts at the mention of her
new name, and looks up, blushing and all that.

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 99

"My dear Mrs. —-------: You are about to set out on

two journeys, one, a marriage-tour, which will end in a
short time, and the other, marriage, which only ends
with the life of one of you. In all journeys if you want
to get along smoothly, you must be promptly, as the rail-
road people say—'on time.' To be on time, you must
have a faithful watch. I believe you have a rather good
one, but here is one that I think to be better. Be kind
enough to take it, with the good wishes of your uncle,
and all of your friends; and remember that though you
owe your first duty and your supremest love to your
husband, your new condition has not separated you from
your old connections, but merely introduced another into
our family. God bless you, my dear child, and give you
and your husband many and happy years."

Fire-engine companies, militia organizations
and benevolent societies have their little presen-
tations to make, and they are often puzzled how
to get through the ceremonies properly. It is
rather difficult to get up any eloquence over a
silver speaking-trumpet, and even the subject
of a sword has been so worn out that anything
novel is out of the question. But the speaker
should remember that the thing presented has
nothing to do with the talk. It is only neces-
sary that it should be appropriate. To give a
soldier a gold pen, or present a peaceable little
tailor with a Toledo blade, would be imperti-
nent, at least. It is the motive of the gift, and

100 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

the feelings which prompt the givers, with which
rhe speaker has to deal.

If the speaker is troubled as to matter, let
him think on the golden word "brevity." If he
take the fire-trumpet in one hand and the hand
of the recipient in the other, and say,

"My Dear Sir: Your fellow-members, who are also
your personal friends, have commissioned me to present
you this trumpet, as a mark of their respect for your
efficiency as a fireman, and of their friendship for you
as a man,"

—he will do very well. If he chooses to add,

"It is a very pleasant duty to fulfill, I assure you; for
I share all their feelings to the very utmost,"

—or words to that effect, he may with propriety;
but he had better stop with the first set.

Frequently at school exhibitions, where books
or other testimonials are given to pupils who
have distinguished themselves by scholarship or
deportment, or both, these are accompanied by
a little speech. This speech, which covers all
the gifts, is mostly of the namby-pamby, goody-
goody style, and neither pleases the audience nor
satisfies the boys, which last are better judges of
oratory than their elders are apt to think. The
usual style is to say:

"Master Jacky Goodboy: Your assiduity in the acqui-
sition of knowledge and your uniformly correct deport-

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 101

ment during the period of scholastic duties has rendered
this acknowledgment—"

And so on, ad nauseam. Jacky takes the
book and goes down, with a wink, to his com-
rades, which, in the language of Winklandr
means, "What an old pump!"

It would be much better to say to him,

"John Goodboy: This book, which I hope will inter-
est and amuse you, is presented to you because you have
been attentive to your studies, and have behaved yourself
in school properly. Continue the same industry and
good manners during life, and you will no doubt be a
successful man—at all events, you will never have occa-
sion to reproach yourself with idleness or bad manners,
and that is a kind of success in itself."

Or the speaker may say simply:

"This book is given you as an acknowledgment of
your attention to your lessons and your good behavior
during school hours. Take it, with the good wishes of
your teacher."

And this last form expresses everything. The
boys will understand it and respect the teacher,
and then the Winkland dialect may be trans-
lated, "Ain't he a nice old fellow?"

In the matter of sword presentations, as a
general thing, some practiced speechmaker is
chosen to do the talking. Where this is not the
case the task is by no means difficult, if the gen-

102 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

eral rule referred to is borne in mind. Say as
little about the weapon as possible. Allude
slightly to war. Make no reference to turning
the blade into a pruning-hook. Let the Roman
Mars and the Greek Ares remain in their respect-
ive mythologies. If the gift arise from mere
good-feeling and admiration, say so; if because
the recipient has distinguished himself on some
martial occasion, say that. In fact, the object
of the speech is to show that you give the sword
from personal feeling or from a sense of duty,
and the words should express the object plainly,
and no more.

Thus, in the first instance :

"Colonel —------: You have now been in command of

this regiment long enough for your subalterns and the
rank and file to appreciate fully your particular atten-
tion to your duties; your interest in the prosperity of
the force, and your peculiar fitness for command. They
desire you to accept this sword, whose blade is without
a flaw and has a matchless temper, and I give it in their
name, with the hope that you will not only prize it from
its beauty and serviceable qualities, but as one of the
proofs that all under your command have learned the
fact that a good officer may preserve the most rigid
discipline, and yet retain the respect, esteem and warm
affection of all his officers and men."

Or, in the second instance:

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

103

"Captain ----------: You may be modest enough not to

recall to your mind the day at (here name the battle)
when you led the charge so effectively on the enemy's
line. But our memory is more active, and as your old
comrades and friends, we present you with this sword,
to show somewhat our appreciation of your gallantry
and worth. Take it. We hope you may never have
occasion to use it—for as we have been in battle, we
know that war is a duty at time, to be fulfilled when it
comes, but never to be sought for. But should the
occasion arise when this blade has to be used, we commit
it to you with the full confidence that you will not draw
it without cause, but when once drawn you will not
sheath it until the glitter of its blade has lit the way to
triumph."

This last sentence has a rather warm figure,
only to be used if there be plenty of champagne
about. It might be better to say:

"And will not then sheath it till the occasion for its
use has past."

But this depends a good deal on the quantity
and nature of the liquor lying about loose.

And talking of liquor reminds us of another
kind'of presentation—the gift of a water bucket
to a temperance advocate which it befell us once
to have to speak for. It was a very small bucket
of silver—about three inches by four—meant
as a butter dish; but the idea of the gift was
not ours, and others are responsible for the in-

104

TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

congruity. As near as we remember the speech
was thus:

"Doctor A---------: A number of your friends, and

friends of the cause, have requested me to act as their
spokesman on this occasion. They ask me to present to
you in their name this token of their admiration for
your personal good qualities, and for the efficient and
earnest way you have so long advocated the principles
of total abstinence. It is, you see, a water-bucket, and
so small as to seem almost a satire on those who advo-
cate large draughts of cold water. But the truth is,
while to the external glance it is a water-bucket, to the
internal view it is a butter-dish. The cold water is to
be outside and not in. Thus you see that the article
is to represent the two most potent agents in the total
abstinence reformation—the pump and the cow. There
is a hidden meaning in it, I fancy. You are a bach-
elor—more shame to you. You have no wife, or you
wouldn't love any but her, and a butter-dish is appro-
priate enough. And the shape conveys our wishes for
your long life. You may kick at vice, kick at intem-
perance, kick at all the excesses that disfigure and
destroy society; but out of sheer regard for the pro-
prieties of life you can't kick at a thing given to you
with the warmest feelings of friendship, and therefore
cannot kick the bucket."

There was nothing but cold water about, but
from the uproar that followed, a bummer who
was listening outside was heard to exclaim:
"There's them teetotalers agoin' it—they're
drunk again V

Special Orations

THE SPANISH WAR.

1't is gratifying to all of us to know that this has
kcfer ceased to be a war of humanity. The last ship
that went out of the harbor of Havana before the war
was declared was an American ship that had taken to
the suffering people of Cuba the supplies furnished by
American charity, and the first ship to sail into the
harbor of Santiago was an American ship bearing food
supplies to the suffering Cubans, and I am sure it is the
universal prayer of American citizens that justice and
humanity and civilization shall characterize the final
settlement of peace, as they have distinguished the
progress of the war.

My countrymen, the currents of destiny flow through
the hearts of our people. Who will check them, who
will divert them, who will stop them? And the move-
ments of men, planned and designed by the Master of
Men, will never be interrupted by the American people.

I witness with pride and satisfaction the cheers of
the multitudes as the veterans of the civil war on both
sides of the contest are reviewed. I witness with
increasing t>ride the wild acclaim of the people as you
watch the volunteers and the regulars and our naval
reserves (the guardians of the people on land and sea)
pass before y wr eyes, for I read in the faces and
105

106 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS \

hearts of my countrymen the purpose to see to it thai;
this government, with its free institutions, shall never
perish from the face of the earth.

My heart is filled with gratitude to the God of battles,
who has so favored us, and to the soldiers and sailors
who have won such victories on land and sea and have
given such a new meaning to American valor. No
braver soldiers or sailors ever assembled under any ftng.

Gentlemen, the American people are ready. If the
Merrimac is to be sunk in the mouth of the Santiago
harbor to prevent the escape of the Spanish fleet, a
brave young hero is ready to do it and to succeed in
what his foes have never been able to do—sink an Amer-
ican ship. AH honor to the army and navy, without
whose sacrifices we could not celebrate the victory. The
flag of our country is safe in the hands of our patriots
and heroes. President McKinley.

THE CHARACTER OF WASHINGTON.

It matters very little what spot may have been the
birthplace of Washington. No people can claim, no
country can appropriate him. The boon of Providence
to the human race, his fame is eternity, and his resi-
dence creation. Though it was the defeat of our arms,
and the disgrace of our policy, I almost bless the con-
vulsion in which he had his origin. If the heavens
thundered, and the earth rocked, yet, when the storm
had passed, how pure was the clitnate that it cleared;
how bright, in the brow of the firmament, was the
planet which it revealed to us!

In the production of Washington, it does really

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

107

appear as if Nature was endeavoring to improve upon
herself, and that all the virtues of the ancient world
were but so many studies preparatory to the patriot of
the new. Individual instances, no doubt, there were,
splendid exemplifications of some singular qualification;
Ctesar was merciful, Scipio was continent, Hannibal was
patient; but it was reserved for Washington to bind
them all in one, and, like the lovely masterpiece of the
Grecian artist, to exhibit, in one glow of associated
beauty, the pride of every model, and the perfection
of every master.

As a general, he marshaled the peasant into a veteran,
and supplied by discipline the absence of eKperience;
as a statesman, he enlarged the policy of the cabinet
into the most comprehensive system of general
advantage; and such was the wisdom of his views, and
the philosophy of his counsels, that to the soldier, and
the statesman he almost added the character of the
sage! A conqueror, he was untainted with the crime of
blood; a revolutionist, he was free from any stain of
treason; for aggression commenced the contest, and his
country called him to the command.

Liberty unsheathed his sword, necessity stained, vic-
tory returned it. If he had paused here, history might
have doubted what station to assign him; whether at
the head of her citizens or her soldiers, her heroes or
her patriots. But the last glorious act crowns his
career, and banishes all hesitation.

Who, like Washington, after having emancipated a
hemisphere, resigned its crown and preferred the retire-
ment of domestic life to the adoration of a land he
might almost be said to have created.

108 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

"How shall we rank thee upon Glory's page,
Thou more than soldier, and just less than sage?
All thou hast been reflects less fame on thee,
Far less, than all thou hast forborne to be!"

Such, sir, is the testimony of one not to be accused
of partiality in his estimate of America. Happy, proud
America! The lightnings of heaven yielded to your
philosophy! The temptations of earth could not seduce
your patriotism.

TRUE MOEAL COURAGE.

There is a sort of courage, which, I frankly confess it,
I do not possess—a boldness to which I dare not aspire,
a valor which I cannot covet. I cannot lay myself down
in the way of the welfare and happiness of my country.
That, I cannot—I have not the courage to do. I can-
not interpose the power with which I may be invested—a
power conferred, not for my personal benefit, nor for
my aggrandizement, but for my country's good—to
check her onward march to greatness and glory. I have
not courage enough. I am too cowardly for that.

I would not, I dare not, in the exercise of such a
threat, lie down, and place my body across the path that
leads my country to prosperity and happiness. This is
a sort of courage widely different from that which a
man may display in his private conduct and personal
relations. Personal or private courage is totally distinct
from that higher and nobler courage which prompts the
patriot' to offer himself a voluntary sacrifice to b',f
country's good.

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

109

Apprehensions of the imputation of the want of firm-
ness sometimes impel ns to perform rash and incon-
siderate acts. It is the greatest courage to be able to
bear the imputation of the want of courage.

But pride, vanity, egotism, so unamiable and offensive
in private life, are vices which partake of the character
of crimes in the conduct of public affairs. The unfortu-
nate victim of these passions cannot see beyond the
little, petty, contemptible circle of his own personal
interests. All his thoughts are withdrawn from his
country, and concentrated on his consistency, his firm-
ness, himself.

The high, the exalted, the sublime emotions of a
patriotism which, soaring toward heaven, rises far above
all mean, low, or selfish things, and is absorbed by one
soul-transporting thought of the- good and the glory of
one's country, are never felt in his impenetrable bosom.
That patriotism which, catching its inspiration of the
immortal God, and, leaving at an immeasurable distance
below all lesser, groveling, personal interests and feel-
ings, animates and prompts to deeds of self-sacrifice, of
valor, of devotion, and of death itself—that is public
virtue; that is the noblest, the sublimest of all public
virtues!

THE STRUGGLE FOE LIBEETY.

Be not deceived, my countrymen. Believe not these
venal hirelings, when they would cajole you by their
subtleties into submission, or frighten you by their
vaporings into compliance. When they strive to flatter
you by the terms "moderation and prudence," tell them
that calmness and deliberation are to guide the judg-

110

TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

ment; courage and intrepidity command the action.
When they endeavor to make us "perceive our inability
to oppose our mother country," let us boldly answer—
In defence of our civil and religious rights, we dare
oppose the world; with the God of armies on ova- side,
even the God who fought our fathers' battles, we fear
not the hour of trial, though the hosts of our enemies
should cover the field like locusts. If this be enthusiasm,
we will live and die enthusiasts.

Blandishments will not fascinate us, nor will threats
of a "halter" intimidate. For, under God, we are
determined, that wheresoever, whensoever, or howsoever
we shall be called to make our exit, we will die freemen.
Well do we know that all the regalia of this world
cannot dignify the death of a villain, nor diminish the
ignominy with which a slave shall quit existence.

Neither can it taint the unblemished honor of a son
of freedom though he should make his departure on the
already prepared gibbet, or be dragged to the newly-
erected scaffold for execution. With the plaudits of his
country, and what is more, the plaudits of his con-
science, he will go off the stage. The history of his life,
his children shall venerate. The virtues of their sires
shall excite their emulation.

Is the debt we owe posterity paid? Answer me, thou
coward, who hidest thyself in the hour of trial! If
there is no reward in this life, no prize of glory in the
next, capable of animating thy dastard soul, think and
tremble, thou miscreant! at the whips and stripes thy
master shall lash thee with on earth—and the flames and
scorpions thy second master shall torment thee with
hereafter!

Oh, my countrymen! what will our children say, when

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 111

they read the history of these times, should I hey find
that we tamely gave way, without one noble struggle
for the most invaluable of earthly blessings! As they
drag the galling chain, will they not execrate us? If
we have any respect for things sacred, any regard to
the dearest treasure on earth; if we have one tender
sentiment for posterity; if we would not be despised by
the world; let us, in the most open, solemn manner, and
with determined fortitude, swear—we will die if we
cannot live freemen. While we have equity, justice,
and God on our side, tyranny, spiritual or temporal,
shall never ride triumphant in a land inhabited by
Englishmen.

PATRIOTISM A REALITY.

Sir, the pursuit of liberty must cease to be a traffic.
It must resume among us its ancient glory—be with us
an active heroism. Once for all, sir, we must have an
end of this money-making in the public forum. We
must ennoble the strife for liberty; make it a gallant
sacrifice, not a vulgar game; rescue the cause of Ireland
from the profanation of those who beg, and from the
control of those who bribe!

Ah! trust not those dull philosophers of the age, those
wretched sceptics, who, to rebuke our enthusiasm, our
folly, would persuade us that patriotism is but a
delusion, a dream of youth, a wild and glittering
passion; that it has died out in this nineteenth century;
that it cannot exist with our advanced civilization—with
the steam-engine and free trade!

False—false!—The virtue that gave to Paganism its
dazzling luster, to Barbarism its redeeming trait, to

112 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

Christianity its heroic form, is not dead. It still lives,
to preserve, to console, to sanctify humanity. It has its
altar in every clime—its worship and festivities. On
the heathered hills of Scotland, the sword of Wallace
is yet a bright tradition. The genius of France, in the
brilliant literature orf the day, pays its high homage to
the piety and heroism of the young Maid of Orleans.

In her new senate hall, England bids her sculptor
place among the effigies of her greatest sons the images
of Hampden and of Bussell. By the soft blue waters
of Lake Lucerne stands the chapel of William Tell. At-
Innsbruck, in the black aisle of the old cathedral, the
peasant of the Tyrol kneels before the statue of Andrew.
Hofer. In the great American republic—in that capital
city which bears his name—rises the monument of the
Father of his country.

Sir, shall we not join in this glorious homage, and
here in this island, consecrated by the blood of many a
good and gallant man, shall we not have the faith, the
duties, the festivities, of patriotism? You discard the
weapons of these heroic men—do not discard the virtues.
Elevate the national character; confront corruption
wherever it appears; scourge it from the hustings;
scourge it from the public forum; and, whilst proceed-
ing with the noble task to which you have devoted your
lives and fortunes, let this thought enrapture and
invigorate your hearts: That in seeking the independ-
ence of your country, you have preserved her virtue—
preserved it at once from the seductions of a powerful
minister, and from the infidelity of bad citizens.

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 113

ORATION—"WHAT AMERICA HAS DONE FOR THE
WORLD.

What has this nation done to repay the world for the
benefits we have received from others? We have been
repeatedly told, and sometimes, too, in a tone of affected
impartiality, that the highest praise which can fairly be
given to the American mind, is that of possessing an
enlightened selfishness; that if the philosophy and
talents of this country, with all their effects, were
forever swept into oblivion, the loss would be felt only
by ourselves; and that if to the accuracy of this general
charge the labors of Franklin present an illustrious, it
is still but a solitary, exception.

The answer may be given, confidently and triumph-
antly. Without abandoning the fame of our eminent
men, whom Europe has been slow and reluctant to honor,
we would reply, that the intellectual power of this
people has exerted itself in conformity to the general
system of our institutions and manners; and therefore,
that, for the proof of its existence and the measure of
its force, we must look not so much to the works of
prominent individuals, as to the great aggregate results;
and if Europe has hitherto been wilfully blind to the
value of our example and the exploits of our sagacity,
courage, invention, and freedom, the blame must rest
with her, and not with America.

Is it nothing for the universal good of mankind to
have carried into successful operation a system of self-
government, uniting personal liberty, freedom of
opinion, and equality of rights, with national power and
dignity; such as had before existed only in the Utopian
dreams of philosophers? Is it nothing, in moral science,

114 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

to have anticipated in sober reality numerous plans of
reform in civil and criminal jurisprudence, which are
but now received as plausible theories by the politicians
and economists of Europe? Is it nothing to have been
able to call forth on every emergency, either in war or
peace, a body of talented patriots always equal to the
difficulty?

Is it nothing to have, in less than a half-century,
exceedingly improved the sciences of political economy,
of law, and of medicine, with all their auxiliary
branches; to have enriched human knowledge by the
accumulation of a great mass of useful facts and obser-
vations, and to have augmented the power and the com-
forts of civilized man, by miracles of mechanical inven-
tion? Is it nothing to have given the world examples
of disinterested patriotism, of political wisdom, of
public virtue; of learning, eloquence, and valor, never
exerted save for some praiseworthy end? It is sufficient
to have briefly suggested these considerations; every
mind would anticipate me in filling up the details.

No—Land of Liberty! thy children have no cause to
blush for thee. What though the arts have reared few
monuments among us, and scarce a trace of the muse's
footstep is found in the paths of our forests, or along
the banks of our rivers; yet our soil has been consecrated
by the blood of heroes, and by great and holy deeds of
peace. Its wide extent has become one vast temple and
hallowed asylum, sanctified by the prayers and blessings
of the persecuted of every sect, and the wretched of all
nations.

Land of Kefuge—Land of Benedictions! Those
prayers still arise, and they still are heard: "May peace
be within thy walls, and plenteousness within thj

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 115

palaces!" "May there be no decay, no leading into
captivity, and no complaining in thy streets!" "May
truth flourish out of the earth, and righteousness look
down from heaven!"

ORATION—THE FATHER OF HIS COUNTRY.

The birthday of the "Father of His Country}" May
it ever be freshly remembered by American hearts!
May it ever re-awaken in them a filial veneration for his
memory; ever rekindle the fire of patriotic regard to
the country he loved so well; to which he gave his
youthful vigor and his youthful energy during the
perilous period of the early Indian warfare; to which
he devoted his life, in the maturity of his powers, in
the field; to which again he offered the counsels of his
wisdom and his experience, as President of the Conven-
tion that framed our Constitution; which he guided and
directed while in the Chair of State, and for which the
last prayer of his earthly supplication was offered up,
when it came the moment for him so well, and so
grandly, and so calmly, to die. He was the first man
of the time in which he grew. His memory is first and
most sacred in our love; and ever hereafter, till the last
drop of blood shall freeze in the last American heart,
his name shall be a spell of power and might.

Yes, there is one personal, one vast felicity, which no
man can share with him. It was the daily beauty and
towering and matchless glory of his life, which enabled
him to create his country, and, at the same time,, secure
an undying love and regard from the whole American
people. "The first in the hearts of his countrymen!"

116

TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

Yes, first! He has our first and most fervent lov*.
Undoubtedly there were brave and wise and good meii,
before his day, in every colony. But the American
nation, as a nation, I do not reckon to have begun
before 1774. And the first love of that young America
was "Washington. The first word she lisped was his
name. Her earliest breath spoke it. It stiil is her
proud ejaculation; and it will be the last gasp of hen
expiring life! I

Yes, others of our great men have been appreciated—*
many admired by all. But him we love. Him we all
love. About and around him we call up no dissentient
and discordant and dissatisfied elements—no sectional
prejudice nor bias,—no party, no creed, no dogma of
politics. None of these shall assail him. Yes, when
the storm of battle blows darkest and rages highest,
the memory of Washington shall nerve every American
arm, and cheer every American heart. It shall relume
that Promethean fire, that sublime flame of patriotism,
that devoted love of country, which his words have com-
mended, which his example has consecrated. Well did
Lord Byron write:

"Where may the Mearied eye repose.
When gazing on the great,
Where neither guilty glory grows,

Nor despicable state?—
Yes—one—the first, the last, the best,
The Cincinnatus of the West,

Whom Envy dared not hate,
Bequeathed the name of Washington,
To make man blush, there was but one,"

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

117

THE PEOPLE ALWAYS CONQUER.

Sir, in the efforts of the people—of the people struggling
for their rights—moving, not in organized, disciplined
masses, but in their spontaneous action, man for man,
and heart for heart—there is something glorious. They
can then move forward without orders, act together
without combination, and brave the flaming lines of
battle without entrenchments to cover or walls to shield
them.

No dissolute camp has worn off from the feelings of
the youthful soldier the freshness of that home, where
his mother and his sisters sit waiting, with tearful eyes
and aching hearts, to hear good news from the wars; no
long service in the ranks of a conqueror has turned the
veteran's heart into marble. Their valor springs not
from recklessness, from habit, from indifference to the
preservation of a life knit by no pledges to the life of
others; but in the strength and spirit of the cause alone,
they act, they contend, they bleed. In this they con-
quer.

The people always conquer. They always must con-
quer. Armies may be defeated, kings may be over-
thrown, and new dynasties imposed, by foreign arms, on
an ignorant and slavish race, that cares not in what
language the covenant of their subjection runs, nor in
whose name the deed of their barter and sale is made
out.

But the people never invade; and, when they rise
against the invader, are never subdued. If they are
driven from the plains, they fly to the mountains. Steep
rocks and everlasting hills are their castles; the tangled,
'■tathless thicket their palisade; and nature, God, is their

118

TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

ally! Now he overwhelms the hosts of their enemies
beneath his drifting mountains of sand; now he buries
them beneath a falling atmosphere of polar snows; He
lets loose his tempest on their fleets; He puts a folly
into their counsels, a madness into the hearts of their
leaders; He never gave, and never will give, a final
triumph over a virtuous and gallant people, resolved to
be free.

"For Freedom's battle once begun,

Bequeathed from bleeding sire to son

Though baffled oft, is ever won."

AN APPEAL FOE LIBERTY.

BY JQSEPH STORY.

I call upon you, young men, to remember whose sons
ancestors—by the dear ashes which repose in this
precious soil—by all you are, and all you hope to be—
resist every object of disunion, resist every encroach-
ment upon your liberties, resist every attempt to fetter
your consciences, or smother your public schools, or
extinguish your system of public instruction.

I call upon you, mothers, by that which never fails in
woman, the love of your offspring; teach them, as they
climb your knees, or lean on your bosoms, the blessings
of liberty. Swear them at the altar, as with their bap-
tismal vows, to be true to their country, and never to
forget or forsake her.

I call upon you young men, to remember whose sons
you are; whose inheritance you possess. Life can never
be too short, which brings nothing but disgrace and

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 119

oppression. Death never comes too soon, if necessary
in defence of the liberties of your country.

I call upon you, old men, for your counsels, and
prayers, and your benedictions. May not your gray
hairs go down in sorrow to the grave, with the recollec-
tion that you have lived in vain. May not your last
sun sink in the west upon a nation of slaves.

No; I read in the destiny of my country far better
hopes, far brighter visions. We, who are now assembled
here, must soon be gathered to the congregation of
other days. The time of our departure is at hand, to
make way for our children upon the theater of life.
May God speed them and theirs. May he who, at the
distance of another century, shall stand here to cele-
brate this day, still look round upon a free, happy and
virtuous people. May he have reason to exult as we do.
May he, with all the enthusiasm of truth, as well as of
poetry, exclaim, that here is still his country.

CENTENNIAL ORATION.

The conditions of life are always changing, and the
experience of the fathers is rarely the experience of the
sons. The temptations wdiieh are trying us are not the
temptations which beset their footsteps, nor the dangers
which threaten our pathway the dangers which surround
them. These men were few in number; we are many.
They were poor, but we are rich. They were weak, but
we are strong. What is it, countrymen, that we need
to-day? Wealth? Behold it in your hands. Power?
God hath given it you. Liberty? It is your birthright.
Peace? It dwells amongst you.

120 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

You have a government founded in the hearts of men,
built by the people for the common good. You have
a land flowing with milk and honey; your homes are
happy, your workshops busy, your barns are full. The
school, the railway, the telegraph, the printing press,
have welded you together into one. Descend those mines
that honeycomb the hills! Behold that commerce
whitening every sea! Stand by your gates and see that
multitude pour through them from the corners of the
earth, grafting the qualities- cf older stocks upon one
stem; mingling the blood of many races in a common
stream, and swelling the rich volume of our English
speech with varied music from an hundred tongues.

You have a long and glorious history, a past glitter-
ing with heroic deeds, an ancestry full of lofty and
imperishable examples. You have passed through
danger, endured privation, been acquainted with sor-
row, been tried by suffering. You have journeyed in
safety through the wilderness and crossed in triumph
the Bed Sea of civil strife, and the foot of Him who
led you hath not faltered nor the light <>f His counten-
ance been turned away.

It is a question for us now, not of the founding of a
new government, but of the preservation of one already
old; not of the formation of an independent power, but
of the purification of a nation's life; not of the conquest
of a foreign foe, but of the subjection of ourselves.
The capacity of man to rule himself is to be proven in
the days to come, not by the greatness of his wealth;
not by his valor in the field; not by the extent of his
dominion, nor by the splendor of his genius.

The dangers of to-day come from within. The
worship of self, the love of power, the lust for gold, the

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

121

weakening of faith, the decay of public virtue, the lack
of private worth—these are the perils which threaten
our future; these are the enemies we have to fear; these
are the traitors which infest the camp; and the danger
was far less when Catiline knocked with his army at
the gates of Rome, than when he sat smiling in the
Senate House. We see them daily face to face; in the
walk of virtue; in the road to wealth; in the path to
honor; on the way to happiness. There is no peace
between them and our safety. Nor can we avoid them
and turn back. It is not enough to rest upon the past.
No man or 'nation can stand still. We must mount
upward or go down. We must grow worse or better.
It is the Eternal Law—we cannot change it.

My countrymen: this anniversary has gone by for-
ever, and my task is done. While I have spoken, the
hour has passed from us; the hand has moved upon the
dial, and the old century is dead. The American Union
hath endured an hundred years! Here, on this threshold
of the future, the voice of humanity shall not plead to
us in vain. There shall be darkness in the days to
come; danger for our courage; temptation for our
virtue; doubt for our faith; suffering for our fortitude.
A thousand shall fall before us, and tens of thousands
at our right hand. The years shall pass beneath our
feet, and century follow century in quick succession.
The generations of men shall come and go; the great-
ness of yesterday shall be forgotten; to-day and the
glories of this noon shall vanish before to-morrow's
sun; but America shall not perish, but endure while the
spirit of our faihers animates their sons.

122

TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

APPEAL TO YOUNG MEN.

Could I call around me in one vast assembly the
temperate young men of our land, I would say,—Hopes
of the nation, blessed be ye of the Lord now in the dew
of your youth. But look well to your footsteps; for
vipers, and scorpions, and adders surround your way.

Look at the generation who have just preceded you:
the morning of their life was cloudless, and it dawned as
brightly as your own; but behold them bitten, swollen,
enfeebled, inflamed, debauched, idle, poor, irreligious,
and vicious, with halting step dragging onward to meet
an early grave! Their bright prospects are clouded,
and their sun is set never to rise. No house of their
own receives them, while from poorer to poorer tene-
ments they descend, and to harder and harder fare, as
improvidence dries up their resources.

And now, who are those that wait on their footsteps
with muffled faces and sable garments? That is a
father—and that is a mother—whose gray hairs are
coming witii sorrow to the grave. That is a sister,
weeping over evils which she cannot arrest; and there
is the broken-hearted wife; and there are the children,
hapless innocents, for whom their father has provided the
inheritance only of dishonor, and nakedness, and woe.

And is this, beloved young men, the history of your
course? In this scene of desolation, do you behold the
image of your future selves? Is this the poverty and
disease which, as an armed man, shall take hold on you?
And are your fathers, and mothers, and sisters, and
wives, and children, to succeed to those who now move
on in this mournful procession, weeping as they go?
Yes; blight as your morning now opens, and high as
your hopes beat, this is your noon, and your night,

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 123

unless you shun those habits of intemperance which have
thus early made theirs a day of clouds, and of thick
darkness. If you frequent places of evening resort for
social drinking; if you set out with drinking, daily, a
little, temperately, prudently, it is yourselves which, as
in a glass, you behold.

ORATION—THE NOBILITY OF LABOE.

I call upon those whom I address to stand up for the
nobility of labor. It is heaven's great ordinance for
human improvement. Let not that great ordinance be
broken down. What do I ,say? It is broken down; and
it has been broken down for ages. Let it, then, be built
up again; here, if anywhere, on these shores of a new
world—of a new civilization. But how, I may be asked,
is it broken down? Do not men toil? it may be said.
They do, indeed, toil; but they, too, generally do it
because they must. Many submit to it as, in some sort,
a degrading necessity; and they desire nothing so much
on earth as escape from it. Tbey fulfill the great law
of labor in the letter, but break it in the spirit; fulfill
it with the muscle, but break it with the mind.

To some field of labor, mental or manual, every idler
should fasten, as a chosen and coveted theater of
improvement. But so is he not impelled to do, under
the teachings of our imperfect civilization. On the
contrary, he sits down, folds his hands, and blesses him-
self in his idleness. This way of thinking is the
heritage of the absurd and unjust feudal system, under
which serfs labored, and gentlemen spent their lives in
fighting and feasting. It is time that this opprobrium
of toil were done away with.

124 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

Ashamed to toil, art thou? Ashamed of thy dingy
workshop and dusty labor-field; of thy hard hands,
scarred with service more honorable than that of war;
of thy soiled and weather-stained garments, on which
Mother Nature has embroidered, 'midst sun and rain,
'midst fire and steam, her own heraldic honors ?
Ashamed of these tokens and titles, and envious of the
flaunting robes of imbecile idleness and vanity? It is
treason to nature—it is impiety to heaven—it is break-
ing heaven's great ordinance. Toil, I repeat, toil,
either of the brain, or of the heart, or of the hand, is
the only true manhood, the only true nobility!

ORATION—THE LABORING CLASSES.

Sir, it is an insult to our laboring classes to compare
them to the debased poor of Europe. Why, sir, we of
this country do not know what poverty is. We have no
poor in this country, in the sense in whieh that word
is used abroad. Every laborer, even the most humble,
in the United States, soon becomes a capitalist, and
even, if he choose, a proprietor of land; for the west,
with all its boundless fertility, is open to him.

How can any one dare compare the mechanic of this
land (whose inferiority, in any substantial particular,
in intelligence, in virtue, in wealth, to the other classes
of our society, I have yet to learn) with that race of
outcasts, of which so terrific a picture is presented by
recent writers—the poor of Europe!—a race among no
inconsiderable portion of whom famine and pestilence
may be said to dwell continually; many of whom are
without morals, without education, without a country,

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 125

■without a God! and may be said to know society only
by the terrors of its penal code, and to live in perpetual
war with it. Poor bondmen! mocked with the name of
liberty, that they may be sometimes tempted to break
their chains, in order that, after a few days of starva-
tion in idleness and dissipation, they may be driven
back to their prison-house to take their shackles up
again, heavier and more galling than before; severed, as
it has been touehingly expressed, from nature, from the
common air, and the light of the sun; knowing only by
hearsay that the fields are green, that the birds sing, and
that there is a perfume in flowers!

And is it with a race whom the perverse institutions
of Europe have thus degraded beneath the condition of
humanity that the advocates, the patrons, the protectors,
of our working-men, presume to compare them? Sir, it
is to treat them with a scorn at which their spirit should
revolt, and does revolt.

Toasts and Sentiments

; Brisk wine and lovely women are

The source of all our joys;
A bumper softens every care

And beauty never cloys.
Then let us drink, and let us love,
While yet our hearts are gay;
^ Women and wine we all approve,

As blessing night and day.

May we always mingle in the friendly bowl
The feast of reason and the flow of soul.

Charity—A link from the chain that angels
wear.

May we be wiser to-day than we were yester-
day, and to-morrow7 than we are to-day.

Which is the properest day to drink?
Saturday, Sunday, Monday?
Each is the properest day, I think;
Why should I name but one day?
Tell me but yours, I wall mention my day,
Let us fix on some day;
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday,
Saturday, Sunday, Monday.
126

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 127

Come, fill the bowl, each jolly soul,
Let Bacchus guide our revels;

Join cup to lip, with hip, hip, hip,
And bury the blue devils.

Fill the bumper fair! every drop we sprinkle
O'er the brow of Care, smooths away a wrinkle.

The Merchant—May we always be exchanging
for the better.

The Hardware Trade—Although they profesa
to honesty, they sell iron and steel for a living.

SIXTEEN ^rEARS AFTER.

Knock and the world knocks with you,

Boast and you boast alone.
The bad old earth is a foe to mirth,

And has a hammer as large as your own
Buy and the gang will answer,

Sponge and they stand and sneer;
The revelers joined to a joyous sound

And shout from refusing beer.
Be rich and the men will seek you,

Poor, and they turn and go—

8 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

You're a mighty good fellow when you are
mellow

And your pockets are lined with dough.
Be flush and your friends are many,

Go broke and you lose them all.
You're a dandy old sport at $4.00 a quart—

But not if you chance to fall.
Praise and the cheers are many,
Beef and the world goes by.
Be smooth and slick and the gang will stick,
As close as the hungry fly.
There is always a crowd to help you
A copious draught to drain.
When the gang is gone you must bear alone,

The harrowing stroke of pain.

"THE CYPHER."

A place that is dear to true bohemians—
A place that exists in the hearts of those

which love it,
A place where hearts beat light, and hands

grasp firm;
"Where poverty is no disgrace and charity

does not chill,
A place where kindred virtues have fled for

refuge,
And Mrs.' Grundy has no sway.

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 129

THE SPHERE OF WOMAN.

They talk about a woman's sphere as though it

had a limit:
There's not a place in earth or heaven,
There's not a task to mankind given,
There's not a blessing or a woe,
There's not a whispered yes or no,
There's not a life or birth.
That has a feather's weight of worth—
Without a woman in it.

OUR ABSENT FRIENDS.

Although out of sight, we recognize them with
our glasses.

OUR COUNTRY.

To her we drink, for her we pray,

Our voices silent never;
For her we'll fight, what come may,

The Stars and Stripes forever!

WOMAN,

She needs no eulogy—she speaks for herself.

TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

THE AMERICAN NAVY.

With the bulldogs of war
Standing guard on our coasts
All fears of attack quickly vanish;
Manned with hearts that are true
To the Red, White and Blue,
They'll make all our foemen "walk
Spanish."

Here's to the wings of love;

May they never molt a feather,
Until your little barque and my little
barque,

Sail down the stream of life together.

Friend of my soul! this goblet sip—
'Twill chase the pensive tear;

'Tis not sweet as woman's lip,
But, 0! 'tis more sincere.

Like her delusive beam,

'Twill steal away the mind,
But unlike affection's dreams,

It leaves no sting behind.

—Thomas Moore.

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 131

Here's to the press, the pulpit and the

petticoat,
The three ruling powers of the day;
The first spread knowledge.
The second spreads morals
And the third spreads over a multitude of

sins.

The Nimble Penny—May it soon grow into a
dime and then swell into a dollar.

Sparkling and bright in the liquid light,
Does the wine our goblets gleam in;

With hue as red as the rosy bed

"Which a bee would choose to dream in.

Then fill to-night, with hearts as light,
To love as gay and fleeting

As bubbles that swim on the beaker's brim

And break on the lips while meeting.

—Charles Feno Hoffman.

"Well," murmured one, "let whoso make

make or buy,
But fill me with the old familiar juice

My clay with long oblivion is one dry,
Methinks I might recover by and by."
—Omar Khayyam.

132 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

May the sunshine of plenty disyeL the clouds
of care.

The Physician—Although professedly a good
man, the worse people are, the more he is with
them.

THE MAINE.

A mighty nation mourns thee yet;
Thy gallant crew—their awful fate;
And Justice points her finger straight,

Lest we forget—lest we forget!

Drink to-day and drown all sorrow;
Ton shall perhaps not do't to-morrow;
Best while you have it, use your breath;
There is no drinking after death.

—Beaumont & Fletcher,

HOME.

The father's kingdom; the child's paradise;
the mother's world.

Here's to those I love;

Here's to those who love me;

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 133

Here's to those who love those I love,
And here's to those who love those who love
those who love me.

—Favorite Toast of Ouida.

May we have the unspeakable good fortune to
arm a true heart, and the Merit to keep it.

While we live let us live in clover,

For when we 're dead, we 're dead all over.

WOMAN.

The fairest work of the great Author; the edi-
lion is large, and no man should be without a
copy.

Drink to me only with thine eyes,

And I will pledge with mine;
Or leave a kiss within the cup,

And I'll not look for wine.
The thirst that from the soul doth rise

Doth ask a drink divine;
But might I of Jove's nectar sip,

I would not change from thine.

—Ben Johnson.

134 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

Here's to you, my dear,

And to the dear that's not here, my dear;

But if the dear that's not here, my dear,

Were here, my dear,

I'd not be drinking to you, my dear.

'Bre's to the 'ealth o' your Royal 'Ighness:
hand may the skin o' ha gooseberry be big enough
for han humbrella to cover hup hall your ene-
mies. Caddy's Toast in "Erminie."

TITE CYNIC'S TOAST.

-Here's to the glass we so love to sip,

It dries many a pensive tear,
'Tis not so sweet as a woman's lip
But a d------sight more sincere.

The good die young-
Here's hoping that you may live to a ripe old

age.

FRIENDSHIP.

May its bark never founder on the rocks of
deception.

If you leave a kiss within the glass I '11 not ask
for wine.

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 135

Laugh and the world laughs with you;
"Weep, and you weep alone.
The American eagle—The older he grows, the
louder he screams and the higher he flies.

Its cannons swept the British decks,
And wrecked the hope of England's Rex.

LADIES' TOAST.
The soldiers of America,
Their arms our defence, our arms their

reward;
Fall in, men, fall in.

The American Navy—May it ever sail on a
sea of glory.

May those who are discontented with their own
country leave their country for their country's
good.

Discretion in sp'eech is more than eloquence.
May we always remember these three things:
The manner, the place and the time.

May we never give way to melancholy, but
always be merry in the right place.

Here's a sigh to those who love me,
And a smile to those who hate,

136

TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

And whatever sky's above me,
Here's to the heart for every fate.

Were't the last drop in the well-
As I gasped upon the brink,

Ere my fainting spirit fell,

Tis to thee that I would drink.

— lord Byron.

Champagne for our real friends, and real pain
for our sham friends.

Wit—A very cheap commodity when uttered
at the expense of good breeding and good sense.

Here's to you!

May you always be good, but not too good

The good die young,

D-----them; we don't want them.

Here's health to the girl who will drink when she

can;
Here's health to the girl who will "rush the tin

can,"
And health to the girl who can dance the can—

can—
'Tis the canny toast of an uncanny man.

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

137

Here's to the maiden of bashful fifteen;

Here's to the widow of fifty;
Here's to the flaunting, extravagant queen,
And here's to the housewife that's thrifty!
Let the toast pass;
Drink to the lass;
I'll warrant she'll prove an excuse for the
glass. —Sheridan.

UNSELFISH FRIENDSHIP.
May we ever be able to serve a friend and
noble enough to conceal it.

HOME.

The place where you are treated best and
grumble most.

Here's to the woman whose heart and whose
soul
Are the light and the life of each spell we pur-
sue,
Whether sunn'd at the tropics or chilled at the
pole,
If women be there, there is happiness too.

138

TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

Thus circling the cnp, hand in hand, ere we
drink,
Let sympathy pledge us, through pleasure,
through pain,
That, fast as feeling but touches one link,
Her magic shall send it direct through the
chain.

—Thomas Moore.

A fig then for Burgundy, Claret or Mountain,
A few scanty glasses must limit your wish ;

But he's the true toper that goes to the fountain,
The drinker that verily "drinks like a fish!"

— Thomas Hood.

A SPREAD-EAGLE TOAST. •
The Boundaries of Our Country: East, by
the Rising Sun; north, by the North Pole; west,
by all Creation; and south, by the Day of Judg-
ment.

Drink to-day and drown all sorrow;
You shall perhaps not do't to-morrow;
Best while you have it, use your breath;
There is no drinking after death.

. .Beaumont & Fletcher.

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 139

Here's to the heart

Though another's it be;

Here's to the cheeks,

Though they bloom not for me.

Wine is good,

Love is good,

And all is good if understood;

The sin is not in doing,

But in overdoing;

How much of mine has gone that way?

Alas! How much more that may ?

The lady we love and the friend we trust.
The Man We love—He who thinks most good
and speaks less ill of his neighbor.

Here's health to Columbia, the pride of the earth
The stars and stripes—drink the land of

our birth!
Toast the army and navy who fought for our

cause,
Who conquered and won vis our freedom and
laws.

Here's to the day (Thanksgiving) when first the

Yankees
Acknowledged Heaven's good gifts with Thank-

140 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

May friendship, like wine, improve as time
advances, and may we always have old wine, old
friends, and young cares.

When e'er with friends I drink
Of one I always think.
She's pretty, she's witty and so true;
So with joy and great delight
I'll drink to her to-night,
And when doing so think none the less of
you ! J. H. M.

Here's to the American Eagle: The liberty
bird that permits no liberties.

You may run the whole gamut of color

and shade,

A pretty gh'l—however you dress her—

Is the prettiest thing that ever was made,

And the last one is always the prettiest,

Bless her!

A PLACID LIFE.

May we never murmur without cause, and
never have cause to murmur.

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 141

Here's to the merry old world

And the days—be they bright or blue—
Here's to the Pates, let them bring what

they may,
But the best of them—That's you!

Here's a toast to all who are here,
No matter where you're from;

May the best days you have seen
Be worse than your worst to come.

I drink it as the Fates ordain it,

Come, fill it, and have one with rhymes;

Fill up the lonely glass, and drain it
In memory of dear old times.

Happy are we met, Happy have we been,
Happy may we part, and Happy meet again.

Here's to you two and to we two;

If you two love we two,
As we two love you two,

Then here's to we four;
But if you don't love two,

As we two love you two,
Then here's to we two and no more.

May Dame Fortune ever smile on you;
But never her daughter-
Miss Fortune.

142

TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

When going up the hill of Prosperity
May you never meet any friend coming
down.

Here's a health to the Future;

A sigh for the Past;
We can love and remember.

And hope to the last.
And for all the base lies

That the almanacs hold
While there's love in the heart,

We can never grow old.

Here's to the women, present and past,
And those to come hereafter;

But if one comes here after us,
We'll have no cause for laughter.

ACTIVE FRIENDSHIP.

May the hinges of friendship never grow rusty.

Here's to the white man's wife—

The white man's aid.
But not his burden.

Come, come, good wine is a good
familiar creature, if it be well used.

—Shakespeare?

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

143

THE SUMMER GIRL.
She'll learn to smoke a cigarette

And drink a glass of wine;
She'll get a breakfast, lunch or tea,

An appetite to dine;
She'll flirt, in dress decolette,

She'll think a kiss no sin;
And that's the kind of a summer girl—

Alas! that seems to win.

—The Cynic.

Drink no longer water, but use a little wine
for the stomach's sake.

An honest lawyer, a pious divine, aud a skill-
ful physician.

Our American Boys—Who have arms for their
girls, and arms for their country's foes.

Our Country—May she always be in the right
—but our country, right or wrong.

—Stephen Decatur.

Laugh at all things,

Great and small things,

Sick or well, at sea or shore;

While we're quaffing,

Let's have laughing—

Who the devil cares for more?

—Byron.

144 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

Drink to the fair woman, who I Ihink,

Is most entitled to it,
For if anything ever can drive me to drink,

She certainly can do it.

—B. Jabez Jenkins.

Censure—The tax man pays to the public for
being eminent.

May we always look upon the faults of others
with the same eye we look upon our own:

Here's to the four hinges of Friendship
Swearing, Lying, Stealing and Drinking.

When you swear, swear by your country;
When you lie, lie for a pretty woman;

When you steal, steal away from bad company;

And when you drink, drink with me.

Enjoy the spring of Love and Youth,
To some good angel leave the rest.

For all too soon we learn the truth;
There are no birds in last year's nest.

To the memory of

GEORGE WASHINGTON,
the childless father of seventy millions.

We come into this world all naked and bare;
We go through this world full of sorrow and
care;

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 145

We go out of this world, we know not where,*
But if we're good fellows here, we'll be thor-
oughbreds there.

I fill this cup to one made up

Of loveliness alone,
A woman, of her gentle sex

The seeming paragon.
Her health! and would on earth there

stood
Some more of such a frame,
That life might be all poetry,

And weariness a name.

—Edward Coate Pickney.

May we have wore friends and need them less
and less.

h< us have wine and women, mirth and laugh-
ter,
We will net ask her name.

—Lord Byron.

Drink ye to her that each loves best;

And if you nurse a flame
That's told but to her mutual breast,

AVi1 will not ask her name.

— Thomas Campbell.

146

TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

Here's to turkey when you are hungry,
Champagne when you are dry,

A pretty girl when you need her,
And heaven when you die.

Our Country, may she always be in the right
—but right or wrong—Our Country.

—Stephen Decatur.

Here's to our sweethearts and our wives

May our sweethearts soon become our wives
And our wives ever remain our sweethearts.

Here's to Our Friends,
Whether absent on land or sea.

Here's to the girls of the American shore,

I love but one, I love no more,
Since she's not here to drink her part,

I drink her share with all my heart.

The juice of the grape is given to him who will

use it wisely,
As that which cheers the heart of men after toil.
Refreshes him in sickness, and comforts him in

sorrow.
He who enjoyeth it may thank God for his wine

cup as for his daily bread.
And he who abuses the gift of heaven is not a

greater fool than thou in thine absti'

nence. —Scott.

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 147

Drink, for you know not
Whence you came, nor why;

Drink, for you know not why
You go, nor whence.

— Omar Khayyam.

The Land We Live In—Let him who don't like
it leave it.

Industry—The right hand of fortune, the
grave of care, and the cradle of content.

May we kiss whom we please,
And please whom we kiss.

Chess—Like a successful courtship, ends by
mating.

Poker—Like a glass of beer, you draw to fill.

The Surgeon — A man who bleeds for his coun-
trymen.

Dismay to Unskilled Surgeons—who, like the
nocturnal feline, mew-till-late and destroy pa-
tients.

Here's to the prettiest,
Here's to the wittiest,
Here's to the truest of all who are true.
Here's to the sweetest one,
Here's to them all in one—here's to
you.

148 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

Here's to American valor,
May no war require it) but may it ever be
ready for every foe.

Here's to a bird, a bottle and an open work

stocking,
There's nothing in this that's so very shocking.
The bird came from Jersey, the bottle from

France,
The open-work stocking was seen at a dance.

Here's to the tears of affection,
May they crystallize as they fall,
And become pearls, so in after years
To be worn in memory of those whom we
have loved.

CAREFUL KINDNESS.
May we never crack a joke or break a repu-
tation.

Hail to the graduating girl;
She's sweeter, far, than some;
For while she speaks she talks no slang
And chews no chewing gum.

May the devil cut the toes of all our foes,
That we may know them by their limping.

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 149

A little health, a little wealth,
A little house and freedom,

With some few friends for certain ends,
But little cause to need 'em.

And the night shall be filled with music,
And the cares that infest the day

Shall fold their tents like Arabs,
And as silently steal away.

—Longfellow.

Here's to the woman,

Who in our hours of ease

Uncertain, coy and hard to please,

But seen too oft—familiar thy face,

First we pity, then endure and then embrace.

OUR INCOMES.
May Ave have a head to earn" and heart to
spend.

The health of those we love the best: Our
noble selves.

Here's to the lasses we 've loved, my lad,
Here's to the lips we've pressed;

For of kisses and lasses

Like liquor in glasses,

The last is always the best.

150

TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

Heres' to a long life and a merry one,
A quick death and an easy one,
A pretty girl and a true one,
A cold bottle and another one.

The world is filled with flowers,
The flowers are filled with dew,

The dew is filled with love
And you and you and you.

Here's to you as good as you are

As good as you are and as bad as I am;

And to me as bad as I am;

I'm as good as you are, as bad as I am.

The Law—The only thing certain about liti-
gation is its uncertainty.

The Lawyer—A learned gentleman, who res-
cues your estate from yoiir enemies, and keeps it
himself.

It's the best wine that goeth down sweetly,
causing the lips of whoso drinketh to murmur
in praise. —Old Proverb.

The grape that can with logic absolute,
The two and seventy jarring sects confute;
The sovereign alchemist that in a trice
Life's leaden metal into gold transmutes.
—Omar Khayyam.

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 151

My life has been like sunny skies
When they are fair to view;
But there never yet were lives or skies
Clouds might not wander through.

Many foreign fashions never corrupt Ameri-
can manners.

The Three Great American Generals—Gen-
eral Peace, General Prosperity, and General Sat-
isfaction.

AMERICA.

"Our hearts, our hopes are all with thee.

Our hearts, our hopes, our prayers, our tears,
Our faith triumphant o'er our fears,

Are all with thee, are all with thee."

Our National Birds,

THE AMERICAN EAGLE,
THE THANKSGIVING TURKEY,
May one give us peace in all our states—
And the other a piece for all our plates.

Here's to the friends we class as old,
And here's to those we class as new;

May the new grow to us old,

And the old ne'er grow to us new.

152

TOASTS AND .SENTIMENTS

Here's to the swan that swims near yon

fair shore
I love one truly and I love no more.
May willow branches bend and break
Before that one I shall forsake.

Here's to Love, the only fire againrt v.-hich
there is no insurance.

A mighty pain to love it is
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains the greatest pain
It is to love and love in vain.

Endless torments dwell about thee,

Yet who would live and live without tl>e.

May those now love
Who've never loved before;
May those who've loved
Now love the more.

Pill the bowl with flowing wine
And while your lips are wet

Press their fragrance into mine
And forget.

Every kiss we take and give

Leaves us less of life to live.

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

15.3

tup: nation.

May it be no North, no South, no East, no
West, but only one broad, beautiful glorious
land.

May all single men be married,
And all married men be happy.

OUR COUNTRY'S EMBLEM.
The Lily of Prance may fade,

The Thistle and Shamrock wither.
The Oak of England may decay,

But the Stars shine on forever.

God made man

Frail as a bubble;
God made Love,,

Love made trouble,
God made the Vine,

Was it a sin
That Man made Wine

To drown Trouble in?

I fill this cup, to one made up

Of loveliness alone,
A woman, of her gentle sex

The seeming paragon.
Her health! and would on earth there
stood

154 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

Some more of such a frame,
That life might be all poetry,
And weariness a name.

— Edward Cate Pickney.

A cheerful glass, a pretty lass,

A friend sincere and true.

Blooming health, a good store of wealth,

Attend on me and you.

The Iledger—He makes no friend who never
makes a foe.

Here's to the health of everybody, lest some-
body should feel himself slighted.

The Good Things of this World—Parsons are
preaching for them, Lawyers are pleading for
them, Physicians are prescribing for them,
Authors are writing for them. Soldiers are fight-
ing for them, but true Philosophers alone are
enjoying them.

Come, fill a bumper, fill it round,
May mirth, wine and wit abound.
In them alone true wisdom lies—
For to be merry's to be wise.

The Fourth of July—like oysters,
It cannot be enjoyed without crackers.

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

155

The first duty of bachelors—
To ring the city belles.

May we either say nothing of the absent, or
speak of them like a friend.

Our Country—Where's the coward that would
not dare to tight for such a land.

Here's to champagne, the drink divine
That makes us forget our troubles;

It's made of a dollar's worth of wine
And three dollars' worth of bubbles.

Health to the bold and dashing coquette

Who careth not for me;
Whose heart, untouched by love as yet,

Is wild and fancy free.
Toasts of love to the timid dove

Are always going 'round;
Let mine be heard by the untamed bird

And make your glasses sound.

Yesterday's yesterday while to-day's here,.
To-day is to-day till to-morrow appear,
To-morrow's to-morrow until to-day's past,
And kisses are kisses as long as they last.

Friend of my soul! this goblet sip—
'Twill chase the pensive tear;

156 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

'This not so sweet as a woman's lip,

But, O! 'tis more sincere.
Like her delusive beam,

'Twill steal away the mind.
But unlike affection's dream

It leaves no sting behind.

— Tom Moore.

THE CHATTERBOX.
May he give us a few brilliant flashes of
silence.

Through this toilsome world, alas,
Once, and only once we pass,
If a kindness we may show,
If a good deed we may do
To our suffering fellow-men,
Let us do it, for 'tis plain,
"We shall not pass this way again.

May good fortune follow you all your days
(And never catch up with you.)

—An Irishman's Toast.

Let's be gay while we may,
And seize love with laughter.

I'll be true, as long as you,
And not a moment after.

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 157

Here's to the man who loves his wife,

And he loves his wife alone.
For many a man loves another man's wife,

When he ought to be loving his own.

THREE GREAT COMMANDERS.
May we ever be under the orders of General
Peace, General Plenty and General Prosperity.

Here's to one and only one,
And may that one be she,

Who loves but one and only one,
And may that one be me.

Of all your beauties, one by one,
I pledge, dear, I am thinking

Before the tale were well begun
I had been dead of drinking.

Some hae meat and canna' eat,
And some wad eat who want it;

But we hae meat and we can eat,
So let the Lord be thankit.

Here's to love; a. thing so divine;

Description makes it but less.
'Tis what we feel but cannot define,

'Tis what we know but cannot express.

158 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

May we have the wit to discover what is true
and practice what is good.

Our Noble Selves—May we all travel to onfe
destination—happiness; although we may go by
different roads.

To America's daughter—Let all fill their glasses.

Whose beauty and virtue the whole world sur-
passes;

May blessing's attend them, go wherever they
will,

And foul fall the man e'er offers them ill.

Be not elated if one soul is oppressed,
Be not dejected if one soul is blest.

May the juice of the grape enliven each soul,
And good humor preside at the head of each
bowl.

Who loves not women, wine and song,
Will be a fool his whole life long.

The grace that every man desires—the good
graces of woman.

One wife, one bottle, and one friend: the first
beautiful; the second ever full, the last faithful.

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

159

THE MAN WE LOVE.
He who thinks the most good and speaks the
least ill of his neighbors.

Here's to our wives and our sweethearts,
And may they never meet.

FALSE FRIENDS.
May w never have friends who, like shadows,
keep clos< to us in the sunshine only to desert us
on a cloudy day or in the night.

Here's to those who'd love us

If we only cared.
Here's to those we'd love

If we only dared.

Here's to one another and one other
Whoever he or she may be.

May the juice of the grape enliven each soul,
And good humor preside at the head of each
bowl.

Here's a health to all good lassies!
Pledge it merrily; fill your glasses!
Let the bumper toast go round.

May the bark of friendship never founder in
the well of deception.

160

TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

Drink, boys, drink, and drive away sorrow —
For perhaps we may not drink again to-morrow.
May the chicken never be hatched that will
scratch on your grave.

Here's lovers two to the maiden true,
And four to the maid caressin

But the wayward girl with lips i at curl
Keeps twenty lovers guessing.

. Here's to the maiden of blushing fifteen,
Here's to the housewife that's thrifty.
Here's to the flaunting extravagant queen,
And here's to the widow of fifty.

May the sunshine of comfort dispel the clouds
of despair.

Success to our army, success to our fleet.
May our foes be compelled to bow down at our
feet.

The Frenchman loves his native wine;

The German loves his beer;
The Englishman loves his 'alf and 'alf,

Because it brings good cheer.
The Irishman loves his "whisky straight,"

Beeause it gives him dizziness.
The American has no choice at all,

So he drinks the whole d-----business.

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

161

Here's to the girl I love,

And here's to the girl who loves me,
And here's to all that love her whom I love

And all those that love her who loves me.

Here's to the girl that's strictly in it,
Who doesn't lose her head; even for a min-
ute.
Plays well the game and knows the limit,
And still gets all the fun there's in it.

I will drink to the woman who wrought my woe,
In the diamond morning of long ago;
To the splendor, caught from Orient skies
That thrilled in the dark of her hazel eyes,
Her large eyes filled with the fire of the south,
And the dewy wine of her warm red mouth.

— Winter:

May those that are single get wives to their mind,
And those that are married true happiness find.

Well, I wonder what the vinteurs buy
One half so precious as the stuff they sell.

Here's a health to me and mine,
Not forgetting thee and thine:
&.nd when thee and thine,
Come to see me and mine,

162 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

May me and mine make thee and thine
As welcome as thee and thine
Have ever made me and mine.

Tobacco—Thy clouds all other clouds dispel,
and lap me in delight.

May we never make a sword of our tongues to
wound the reputation of others.

Sparkling and bright in the liquid light,
Does the wine in our goblets gleam in.

—Hoffman.

Come, fill the glass and drain the bowl;

May Love and Bacchus still agree;
And every American warm his soul

With Cupid, Wine and Liberty.

A health to tnv sweethearts, our friends and our

wives.
And may fortune smile on them the rest of their

lives.

May true love always gain its object.

May the sons of freedom increase and multi-
ply.

Every man a good man, and every woman a
goo--} woman.

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 163

\)ne bumper at parting! — though many
Have circled the board since we met,
The fullest, the saddest of any,
I Remains to be crowned by us yet.

The sweetness that pleasure has in it
Is always so slow to come forth,
1 That seldom, alas! 'till the minute

f It dies do we know half its worth!

But oh! may our life's happy measure

Be all of such moments made up,
They're born on the bosom of pleasure,
j They die in the tears of the cup.

May your wine add wings to old time, but »<rt
make us insensible of his flight.

May friendship propose the toast, and gin-
ferity drink it.

To the old, long life and treasure;
To the young, all health and pleasure;

To the fair, their face,

With eternal grace;
And the rest, to be loved at leisure.

' For let her be clumsy, or let her be slim,

Young or ancient, I care not a feather;
So fill up a bumper, nay fill to the brim,
Let lis toast all the ladies together!

164 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

BYRON'S TOAST.
Fill the goblet again; for I never before
Pelt the glow which now gladdens my heart

to its core.
Let us drink; who would not 1 since through

life's varied round
In the goblet alone no deception is found.

May the best day we have seen be the worst
that is to come.

Our Firesides—Few can receive honors of the
college, but all are graduates of the hearths.

The Irish Heart —Quick and strong in its gen-
erous impulses, firm in its attachments, sound to
the core.

Daniel 0 "Council —Athens boasted of a Solon,
an Aristides and a Demosthenes, but Ireland be-
holds all their great qualities combined in her
favorite Son.

Justice to Ireland—A domestic legislature
alone can confer it; to expect it from a London
Parliament is an idle dream, and we Irishmen,
on this side of the water, hope that full restitu-
tion will be made for past injustices.

The Daughters of Ireland, entrenched within
the fortress of parental affection: May they

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 165

never surrender the citadel of their hearts, ex-
cept to those who wield the arms of sincere love,
chastened by morality and temperance.

The Ladies—With assiduity we court their
smiles; with sorrow we receive their frowns;
but smiling or frowning, we love them.

Hibernia—Steeped in her own tears, she never
can get up:—soaking in whisky, she must go
down;—but bathing in "coult wather" she will
get on "swimmingly."

The Memory of Gen. Thomas Francis Meagher
— a martyr to the cause of American liberty:
May his blood constitute an enduring cement of
friendship between the land of his birth and the
land of his adoption.

The Harp of Ireland—He is no true son of
Erin whose heart does not respond to the inspira-
tion of its numbers.

Ireland and America—May the former soon
be as free as the latter, and may the latter never
forget that Irishmen were instrumental in secur-
ing the liberty they now enjoy.

Andrew Jackson, Ex-President of the United
States—The son of Irish parents in retiring
from office, we may justly say in the words of
the poet—

"An honest man's the noblest work of God."

166 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

The Descendants of Irishmen—May they
never forget the respect which they owe to the
land which contains the ashes of their fathers.

The Heart of an Irishman—A living monu-
ment of the kind and generous feelings—while
the hand of Charity guides the stream, may the
hand of Wealth yield a perpetual supply.

Irishmen — The love of liberty will burn in
their bosoms as long as their bright isle is washed
by the ocean.

The Emerald Isle—May her sons and daugh-
ters resemble a field of potatoes in full bloom,
beautiful to look iipon; and when called on to
assist the distressed, may they, like the roots,
prove a real blessing to the poor.

Horticultural Experiments—May the tree of
freedom soon be planted in Ireland, and may
John Bull find it as difficult to uproot it as he
found it there.

The Fair of Erin—The fairest of the fair—
may their fare be our fare, the best of fare.

Americans and Irishmen—They may differ as
to whether the patron saint of the latter had any

hand in driving out the enemies of the former—
but in this they will agree—to stand together

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 167

and fall together, before a hostile foot shall again
be placed on the land of their birth or the land
of their adoption.

Ireland—St. Patrick destroyed its creeping
things of other days—may his disciples speedily
exterminate the political reptiles of the present
age.

The Ladies—The anxiety and solace of onr
lives: how to make adequate return for the bless-
ings they confer is a continual perplexity—

"Why then a final note prolong,
Or lengthen out a closing song.
Unless to bid the gentles speed
Who long have listed to our rede;
To every lovely lady bright.
What can we wish but faithful knight?
To every faithful lover too,
What can we wish but lady true?
And knowledge to the studious sage,
And pillow soft to head of age."

Merit to gain a heart, and sense to keep it.

Money to him that has the spirit to use it.

More friends and less need of them.

May those who deceive us, be always deceived.

May the sword of justice be swayed by the
fo-vad of mercy.

168 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

May the lerow of the brave never want a
wreath.

May we be slaves to nothing but our duty,
and friends to nothing but real merit.

May he that turns his back on his friend, fall
into the bands of his enemy.

May honor be the commander when love takes
the field.

May reason guide the helm when passion blows
the gale.

May those who would enslave become slaves
themselves.

May genius and merit never want a friend.

May the road to happiness be lighted by vir-
tue.

May life last as long as it is worth wearing.

May we never murmur without a cause, and
never have a cause to murmur.

May the eye that drops for the misfortunes
of others never shed a tear of its own.

May the lovers of the fair sex never want
means to support and spirit to defend them.

May the tear of misery be dried by the hand
of commiseration.

May the voyage of life end in the haven of
happiness

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES 169

Provision to the unprovided.

Peace and honest friendship with all nations;
entangling alliances with none.

Riches to the generous and power to the mer-
ciful.

Short shoes and long corns to the enemies of
freedom.

Success to the lover and joy to the beloved.

The life we love, with whom we love.

The friend we love and the woman we dare
trust.

The union of two fond hearts.

The lovers of honor, and honorable lovers.

The unity of hearts in the union of hands.

The love of liberty, and liberty in love.

The libertjr of the press without licentiousness.

The virtuous fair, and the fair virtuous.

The road to honor through the plains of vir-
tue.

The hero of Saratoga—may his memory ani-
mate the breast of every American.

The Americans ti'iumvirate—love, honor and
liberty.

The memory of "Washington.

;

170 TOASTS AND SENTIMENTS

Wit without virulence, wine without excess,
and wisdom without affectation.

What charms, arms and disarms. _ t

Home pleasant, and our friends at home.

Friendship: May its lamp ever be supplied by
the oil of truth and fidelity.

Woman: The fairest work of the great author;
the edition is large, and no man should be with-
out a copy.

{the bmo.]

■i

CATALOGUE OF

FREDERICK J. DRAKE
& COMPANY

PUBLISHERS.

350-352 WABASH AVE., CHICAGO. ILL.

I TPON receipt of the price, any book
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Frederick J. Drake & Company's

CATALOGUE OF

Standard Up=»to=Date Hand Books;
on the following Subjects:

fHalogrues, Recitations, Tableaux,

Charades, Pantomimes, Mock Trials,

Monologues, Drills, Marches, Minstrel
and Entertainment Books, Magic,
Palmistry, Hypnotism, Black Art*
Electricity, Speakers, Poultry,
Setter "Writers, Dream Books,

Fortune Tellers, Popular Dramas,
Photography, Etiquette, Dancin&y
Etc., Etc., Etc., Etc.

Each book in this list is the work of a com-
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practical and thoroughly up-to-date.

Amy Book Advertised in This Catalogue Seafe /
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Frederick: j. drake & co.,

Frederick J. Drake & G&-*

New Century Series of Popular
Up-to-Date Books......

you can derive more solid, practical and valuable instruction from thii
series of little books than from any other source.

6ach book Is printed from new, large type, on a fine quality of wove
paper, making them the very best yet offered to our customers.

BROWN'S BUSINESS LETTER WRITER
AND BOOK OF SOCIAL FORMS. g^,!

M. The most complete practical compendium oi
correspondence and business forms ever published.
Gjt js full instructions for writing, and specimens
of Business Letters, Legal Forms, Leases, Deeds.
Wills, Contracts; models for Refined Love-Letters,
covering Courtship, Engagements, Marriage; Social
Forms, Invitations, Acceptances, Regrets, Condol
ences; Family Letters for Parents, Guardians and
Children; How to address the President and Gov
ernment Officials. Also leading synonyms. It wil)
tell you anything you really need in the way of *
letter. 208 pages.

Paper Covers.................................25 Cent*

Cloth, Gold Titles.............................50 CenU

NORTH'S BOOK OF LOVE LETTERS.

With directions how to write and when to use
(hem. By Ingoldsby North. This is a branch of
correspondence which fully demands a volume
alone to provide for the various phases incident bo
Love, Courtship and Marriage. Few persons, how-
ever otherwise fluent with the pen, are able to ex-
press in words the promptings of the first dawn of
love, and even, the ice broken, how to follow up a
correspondence with the dearest one in the whole
world and how to smooth the way with those who
need to be consulted in the matter. It also contains
the Art of Secret Writing. The language of Love
portrayed, and rules in grammar. 160 pages.

Paper Covers..................................25 Cents

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PRACTICAL ETIQUETTE.

A strictly modern book on politeness. Just what
one needs to keep in touch with what is "Correct'
at the present time. Hints on politeness and good
breeding, sensible talks about etiquette for home,
visiting, sensible talks about parties, evening en-
tertainments, social intercourse, dress, etc. No
part in daily conduct has been omitted. The im
mense popularity of this little book ia attested by
its enormous sales. It is an invaluable adjunct to
any home and will be found exceedingly helpful in
the hands of parents and teachers as well as younR
people of both sexes. 160 pages.

Paper Covers................................. 25 Cento

Cloth. Gold Titles.....................„.„.,..„60 Cento

DRAKE EDITIONS FILL THE WANT.

STANDARD DRILL & MARCHING BOOK.

By Edwin Ellis. Containing an endless variety
of new, original drills and marches for young peo-
ple. Each being illustrated with diagrams easy to
understand. No form of entertainment has
proved itself more Amusing, Healthful or Popular
than "Standard Drills and Marches." The author
has included all of the very latest and most amus-
ing drills and marches known. 160 pages, 30 illus-
trations.

Illustrated Paper Covers......................25 Cents

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ZANCIG'S NEW COMPLETE PALMISTRY.

The only authorized edition published. By Prof,
and Mme. Zancig. Here we have the simplest
presentations of the Science of Modern Palmistry.
All of the discoveries, investigations and researches
of centuries are summed up in this practical treat-
ise on Palmistry. There is no trait, no character-
istic, no inherited tendency that is not marked on
the palm of the hand, and can be traced with un-
erring accuracy by following the principles and in-
structions laid down in this book. 300 pages; 86
fine illustrations. N. B.—Other editions bearing
the name of Zancigs are not authorized by them.

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HtiqfUfflMWIII

THE GYPSY WITCH DREAM BOOK.

This is the most complete dream book published.
It contains an alphabetical list of dreams on every
subject, including the lucky numbers, given names
of both males and females and their numbers.
Birthdays and their significance, Lucky Days,
Rules to learn the number of saddles Gigs, and
Horses in any given row of numbers, and what
amount they will bring, Combination Tables, etc.
It is the most reliable and authentic dream book
ever published; the gathering of the material
alone has occupied years of careful research.
208 pages.

Paper Covers................................25 Cent*

Cloth.........................................50 Cents

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CRAKE'S AMUSEMENT BOOKS AND PkAYS ARE THE BEST MADE.

COMIC RECITATIONS AND READINGS.

A new volume of Comic Readings and Recita-
tions, compiled and edited by Charles Walter
Brown, A. M., many of which have never been
before published in book form. Its contents com-
prise some of the best efforts of such world-re-
nowned humorists as Mark Twain, Josh Billings,
Arteraus Ward, Ezra Kendall, Bret Harte, Bill
Nye, Ben King, Geo Thatcher, Lew Dockstader,
Wm. S. Gilbert, James Whitcomb Riley and others.
This is an unequaled collection of the most amus-
ing, eccentric, droll and humorous pieces, suitable
for recitations in schools, drawing-room entertain-
ments and amateur theatricals. 200 pages.

Paper Covers.............. ..................25 Centi

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PATRIOTIC READINGS AND RECITATIONS

By Josephine Stafford. This is the choicest, new-
est and most complete collection of Patriotic reci-
tations published, and inclndes all of the best
known selections, together with the best utter-
ances of all eminent statesmen. Selections for
Decoration Day, Fourth of July, Washington's and
Lincoln's birthdays, Arbor Day, Labor Day, and
all other Patriotic occasions.

There are few things more popular during Na-
tional Holidays than entertainments and exhibi-
tions, and there is scarcely anything more difficult
to procure than new and meritorious material ap-
propriate for such occasions. This book willfi.il
every want. 200 pages.

Paper Covers..........................................

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LITTLE FOLKS' SPEAKER

By Chas. Walter Brown, A. M. Containing cut*
and catchy pieces for recitations bv small children
of ten years and much younger, including Speeches
of Welcome and short Epilogues for opening and
closing Children's Entertainments. The subjects
are such as delight the infantile mind, and the
language, while child-like is not childish. All of
the selections are new and fresh, many being spe
cially written for this volume. It would be diffi-
cult to find another oollection so replete with
short, bripht, cheery printed pieces as contained
in this book. 128 pages.

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DRAKE'S HANDBOOKS ARE THE BEST MADE.

LITTLE FOLKS' DIALOGUES & DRAMAS.

By Charles Walter Brown, A. M. A collection of
original Dialogues and Dramas by various authors,
sprightly and sensible, particularly adapted for
little people from three to twelve years old, on
subjects and ideas fitted to their age, handled in
the quaint manner and appropriate action so often
observed in even children of tender age. Suitable
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With costumes for boys and girls. 180 pages.

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CHOICE DIALECT
STAGE JOKES.

AND VAUDEVILLE

Containingside-splitt ing

Stories, Readings, Recitations,
Jokes, Gags and Monologues, in Irish, Dutch,
Scotch, Yankee, French, Italian, Spanish, Negro,
and other dialects, representing every phase of
sentiment from the keenest humor or the tender-
est pathos to that which is strongly dramatic. We
heartily recommend this book to amateurs and
professionals as being the Best, Latest and contain-
ing the brightest dialect stories of the vaudeville
stage, as told and recited by Ezra Kendall, George
Thatcher, Lew Dockstader, Rogers Bros., Weber
And Fields, Joe Welsh and others. 200 pages.

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DUTCH DIALECT. Recitations, Readings and
Jokes, as told by our fore-
most vaudeville stars, Weber and Fields, Rogers
Brothers, Marshall P. Wilder, Ezra Kendall, Geo.
Fuller Golden, Gus Williams and others. Every
lover of German dialect, wit and humor ought to
procure a copy of this new and up-to-date book, as
it contains the choicest emanations of the most
celebrated and renowned Dutch comedians and
humorists of the present day. Rip-roaring, side-
splitting Dutch dialect. Hot humor covers its
many pages, and comedians and amateurs who
wish to keep an audience or social gathering in a
continuous stream of laughter and merriment,
and receive tumultuous applause at every appear-
ance, will find in this book exactly what they re-
quire. 130 pages. j

Paper Covers....................................................".___26 Centt

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BRAKE'S PRACTICAL DOCKS ARE PERFECT.

IRISH WIT AND HUMOR. I™* wit »nc

humor is a fao
tor in human experience which the world can 11]
afford to lose. In some of ita qualities it is second
to the wit and humor of no nation on earth. Judg
ing it by its average specimens—and it would be
manifestly misleading to take a lower standard - it
manages to convey an idea fully; but in its haste
to expiess itself,—the mataphors get mixed, and
the thoughts transposed or reversed. For playful
ness, for sarcastic keenness, for gracefulness, and
for red-hot scornfulness, nothing is more effective
than some of the examples of the wit and humoi
of the Irishman; as told In this timely volume
Amateur theatricals or entertainments of nay
character will find this book a most acceptable ad
dition for gathering material. 160 pages.

»aper Covers.........................................................25 Cent*

*,loth,Golcl Titles.....................................................60 Cent»

CONUNDRUMS AND RIDDLES.

Collected and arranged by John Ray. This is
She latest, largest and best collection of Conun-
drums ever published. Containing upwards of
four thousand choice new intellectual Conundrums
and Riddles which will sharpen your wit and lead
jou to think quickly. They are always a source
of great amusement and pleasure, whiling away
tedious hours and putting every one in a general
good humor. Any person, wiiti the assistance of
this book, may take the lead in entertaining a
oompanyand keep them in roars of laughter for
hours. We heartily recommend it to amateura
and professionals for entertainments of all kinds.
160 pages.

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NEGRO MINSTRELS. By Jack Haverly A
complete handbook
written to encourage, help and guide amateurs in
their efforts to form troupes and give a successful
evening's performance. An entire program is ar-
ranged with full details, consisting of a first part
with the brightest dialogue between "Tambo,"
"Bones" and the "Middleman" ; the introduction
of ballads, songs, gags, conundrums, side-splitting
stump speeches, etc. Mr. Jack Haverly was one of
the most widely experienced men on the minstrel
stage, and in this book has drawn on his stock of
tried features, selecting and offering his best there
from. 150 pages.

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iny

DRAKE EDITIONS ARE THE BEST.

BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.

THE BOOK OF LOVE, COURTSHIP Aflt
MARRIAGE.

It fully explains How Maidens Become Happj
Wives and Bachelors Become Happy Husbands in
a brief space of time and by easy methods. Also
Complete Directions for Declaring Intentions
Accepting Vows and Retaining Affections both
Before and After Marriage, describing the invita
tions, the dresses, the ceremony and the propel
behavior of both bride and bridegroom, whether in
public or behind the nuptial curtain. It also tellb
plainly how to begin courting, the way to get over
bashfulness, the way to "sit up," the way to find »
soft spot in the sweetheart's breast. This is just
the treatise to be in the hands of every young bach-
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CARD TRICKS. HOW TO DO THEM.

And principles of Sleight of Hand. By A. Roter-
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one known is fully explained, and exposed by
axplicit directions and carefully prepared illus-
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private amusement can be devised than that of
successful card tricks. 170 pages, 80 fine illus-
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TRICKS WITH COINS. By T. Nelson Downs.

A full and complete expose (illustrated) of th*
Author's World-Famous Coin Creation, "The Mi-
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A series of absolutely new Passes with Coins, in-
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causing the disappearance of a single coin.

This book contains a complete explanation, with
illustrations of every Coin Trick known. Written
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FREDERICK J. DRAKE & CO., Publishers

350-352 Wabash Avenue, CHICAGO, ILL.

ASK FOR DRAKE EDITIONS IF YOU WANT THE BEST.

HOW TO TELL FORTUNES BY CARDS.

By Madam Zancig. Fully illustrated. This little
manual has been written to give amusement) and
it describes the methods that are commonly used
by Gypsies and others when they "read your for-
tune." Many have witnessed a great number of
most wonderful and useful conclusions which have
been produced by this science, and many future
events have been foretold. Any one ean tell the
present, past and future by following these simple
instructions. 150 pages, 50 illustrations.

Paper Covers.................................25 Cents

Cloth, Gold Titles......„......................60 Cent*

NATIONAL POLICY PLAYER'S GUIDE
AND DREAM BOOK.

This little volume is priceless to those who play
the lottery or policy. It contains a complete iist
of dreams, arranged alphabetically, with their
lucky numbers; Playing Cards, their numbers;
Days of Week and Month, with numbers; Holi-
days, Unlucky Days, Lucky Days, Birthdays, Com-
bination Tables, etc.; Rules how to ascertain how
much any amount of money will bring on any
given row of numbeas, etc., etc. 208 pages.

Paper Covers.................................25 Cents

Cloth, Gold Title*.............................50 Cents

GIPSY WITCHES FORTUNE TELLING CARDS.

By Madame Le Normand. (Gipsy Witch.) MmlU.
Le Normand has left behind such a reputation, tlio
memory of so unusual a talent, that we believe Wfl
shall do a favor to the admirers of her system, by pub-
lishing the cards which were found after her death,
They are the same cards with which she prophesied t«s
Napoleon I. his future greatness, and the downfall ot
many princes and great men of France. Each pacfc
contains fifty-two fine illustrated cards, lithographed
in colors, with inscription foretelling your past, pres
ent and future. Can also be used for playing any card
game. Full directions with each pack.

Price per package of 52 cards
in neat case..........50 cents

Any book in this list sent postpaid to any address upon receipt of price.
Complete Catalogue sent free.

FREDERICK J. DRAKE & CO., Publishers

350-352 Wabash Avenue, CHICAGO, ILL.

Makes up-to-date books.

HERRMANN'S BOOK OF MAGIC. By Herrmann.

Including a full expose of the Black Art. This ia
a practical treatise on how to perform modern
tricks. Great care has been exercised by th8 au-
thor to include in this book only such tricks aa
have never before appeared in print. This assures
the performer a secret and almost endless fund for
suitable material to be used on all occasions. "With
little practice almost anyone can perform the
more simple tricks, and with practice, as he be-
comes more adept, he can perform the most diffi-
cult. No book published contains a greater vari-
ety of material for conjurers and slight-of-hand
fierformers than this book. 180 pages, 41 illustra-
ions.

Paper Cover...................................25 Ceni«

Cloth, Gold Titles.............................50 Cent*

"CARD SHARPERS, THEIR TRICKS
EXPOSED, OR THE ART OF ALWAYS

WINNING." By Bobert-Houdin.

This volume was expressly written to "en-
lighten the dupes and there will be no more
cheating."

In unveiling the tricks of card sharpers, the
author and editor have included everything
practioedby gamblers of all countries, they
having spent years in following every crooked
or cheating move made by them, which is fully
explained by diagrams.

The book when read will inspire no thought
beyond that of guarding the reader against the
card tricks of sharpers. 200 pages, 24 illustra-
tions.

Paper Coper, printed in three colors.. .Price. $ .50
Cloth Cover, designs in gold and inks. " 1.00

THE EXPERT AT THE CARD TABLE.

By S. "W. Erdnase. Without doubt the very best
and most up-to-date treatise on the numerous
sleights used by gamblers, concluding with a thor-
oughly interesting chapter on Card Sleights and
Tricks with Cards.

Among the various new gambler's sleights will be
found many which will prove of excellent servicq
to the progressive conjuror. 205 pages, 101 illustra
tions.
l2mo, Cloth...............................Price $1.06

Any book in this list sent postpaid to any ad-
dress, upon receipt of price. Complete Catalogue
sent free.

FREDERICK J. DRAKE & CO., Publishers

350-352 Wabash Avenue, CHICAGO, ILL.

DRAKE EDITIONS ARE UP-TO-DATE,

I0ASTS AND AFTER DINNER SPEECHES

Compiled and Edited by William Young Stafford,
How many times fyave you been called upon to re-
spond to some toast or speech? What would yott
not give for the ability to be rid of this embarrass-
ment? The book contains Presentation Speecnes,
At and After Dinner Speeches, Political Speeches,
Welcomes, Congratulations, School Commence-
ment Valedictories, etc. Also toasts and welcomes
on various subjects. From this book you may learn
some lessons that will prove profitable when called
upon to speak or respond to some toast or senti-
ment. Send for a copy and prepare yourself.

Not only is it valuable to the novice, but the ex
perienced orator will find many good suggestions
180 pages.

.............................................25 Gent*

...............................................50 Centt

Paper Covers..... ........................ .....

Cloth, Gilt Titles......................................

MODERN QUADtflLLE CALL BOOK AND
COMPLETE DANCING MASTER. ^>-0

President of the American National Association of
Masters of Dancing.

Containing all the new modern square dances and
tabulated forms for the guidance of the leader of
others in calling them, full and complete direc-
tions for performing every known square dance,
such as Plain Quadrilles, Polka Quadrilles, Prairie
Queen, United States Quadrille, Presidential Quad-
rille, Varieties Quadrille, Francaise, Cake Walk
guadrille, Dixie Figures, Girl I Left Behind, Old
an Tucker, Money Musk, Waltz Landers, Oak-
land Minuet, Waltz Quadrilles, The German, etc.
In the Round Dances a special feature consists of
the Wirth and other newest methods of teaching
the steps of the waltz, etc, 160 pages.

Paper Covers.........,.....,.............25 Cent*

Cloth, Gold Titles.........................50 Cent*

CHAS. K. HARRIS* COMPLETE SONGSTER,

Containing one hundred and fifty latest pop
ular songs—successes of Mr. Harris and his
staff of famous composers. Never before would
Mr. Harris allow all of his songs to be sold in
one single volume on account of their ever
ready sale singly, but through the untiring ef-
forts of the publishers at a great expense, we
are now prepared to offer this superb collection
of one hundred and fifty popular songs at a
price within the reach of alL 200 pages, 15Q
songs.

Paper Covers—Price............... ......25 Cent*

Cloth Covers—Price.......................50 Cents

Any book in this list sent postpaid to any
address upon receipt of price. Complete Cata
logue sent free.

FREDERICK J. DRAKE & CO.

PUBLISHERS

350-352 Wabash Avenue, CHICAGO, ILL.

DRAKE'S PRACTICAL HANDBOOKS HAVE THE CALL.

PHOTOGRAPHY SELF-TAUGHT.

By T. Stith Baldwin. The camera is now
recognized as a factor in the fields of pleasure,
profit and instruction and is used by every
class of citizen; by the tourist and other pleas-
ure seekers as an adjunct to further the enjoy-
ment of a vacation and to provide lasting sou-
venirs of a pleasant experience.

Any man, woman or child of ordinary intel-
ligence, without previous experience, by simply
following printed instructions, can soon acquire
the knowledge necessary to properly operate
the camera, develop the plate (or film), and
print and finish the picture. 160 pages, 59 illus-
trations.

Paper Covers............................25 Cents

Cloth......................................50 Cents

STANDARD PERFECTION POULTRY BOOK

By C C. Shoemaker. The recognized standard
work on poultry in this country, containing a com-
plete description of all the varieties of fowls, in-
cluding turkeys, ducks, and geese with illustra-
tions of each; poultry houses and how to build
them, also full directions Tor operating incubators
and brooders.

Chapters on diseases, feeding, caponizing.dressing
and shipping and fattening for market. Sites for
buildings, land needed, etc., etc. 200 pages, 80 il-
lustrations,

paper Covers.............................. ..25 Cents

Cloth..........................................50 Cents

COMPLETE DEBATERS' MANUAL.

By Charles Walter Brown, A. M. This book
will fill a place occupied by no other. It is not
only a manual of parliamentary usages but a com-
plete guide to all matters pertaining to Organiza-
tion. Debating Clubs will find this book un
equaled. It tells us all about how to start the ma-
chinery. How to outline and prepare a debate. It
gives full debates, so that the inexperienced speak-
er may know about what he is expected to say, and
how much is required to fill his allotted time. lfiO
pages.

Paper Covers................................25 Cents

Cloth. Gilt Titles..............................60 Cents

Any book in this liBt sent postpaid to any address upon receipt of price
Complete Catalogue sent free.

FREDERICK J. DRAKE & CO., Publisher*

350 352 Wabash Avenue. CHICAGO, ILL.

Felt's Parliamentary Procedure

By ORSON B. FELT.

A New Book on Parliamentary Law for Clubs, Fraternal Orders,
■■ Political Gatherings, Etc. —————

In preparing this work the author has eliminated

those legislative rules which tend to confuse the

student. The explanations of rules are in tented

ig£s particularly for students who have not given the

jgss subject much attention, and the arrangement of the

ipv book makes it possible to learn in the shortest time

slifi everything bearing upon any single topic. Each

motion is clearly and briefly explained under ita

proper head, so that the desired information can be

S£|| secured by consulting one part of the book.

*"'•'■! Many of the booxs on Parliamentary Law show

the practice in legislative assemblies; they contain

much that is either not useful or too complicated for

use in ordinary meetings.

' Another helpful feature is the Practical Lessons,
Jshowing the actual workings of an assembly and the
proper use of motions, giving propor forms for stat-
ing the question, putting to vote, and declaring the
results. These lessons proceed from the the simple
to the more difficult applications, and are peculiarly adapted to the use
of clubs or classes in parliamentary study. 203 pages.

Price, leather binding, 75c; Cloth bindiing, 50c.

Webster's System of Memorizing
—- Easy and Difficult Words —

ARRANGED AND EDITED BY WM. T. C. HYDE.

A new system of memorizing difficult and common
words—a complete handy dictionary. The handiest
book in the English language. Editors praise it. Bus-
iness men swear by it. Typewriters delight in it; Book
men recommend it. All troublesome words converted
by the type into pictures—the eye does not rest. The
word pictures in this manual are designed to stamp cor-
rect English orthography inelfaceably upon the visual
memory.

In Webster's System of Memorizing Easy and Dif-
ficult Words the letters which are usually transposed;
misplaced, omitted, or otherwise misused are printed in
boldface type, thus emphasizing to the eye thek proper
arrangement.

To this popular work has been added an appendfx in

which are denned many commercial and business terma

and abbrevations in everyday use the meanings, of which

are not always understood.

It is a book for the desk—smaller than an unabridged, larger than a

pocket dictionary, and more convenient than either. It contains ail the

troublesome words in the language. A book for busy people.

12mo, Cloth. Price. - - $1.00.

FREDERICK J. DRAKE & CO., Publishers

350-352 Wabash Avenue. CHICAGO, ILL,

Modern Carpentry

A PRACTICAL MANUAL
FOR CARPENTERS AND WOOD WORKERS GENERAL

y Fbbd T. Hodgson, Architect, Editor of the National Builder, Practical}
Carpentry, Steel Square and Its Uses, etc., etc.

A NEW, complete guide, containing hundreds of quick
**■ methods for performing work in carpentry, joining and
general wood-work. Like u'.'. of Mr. Hodgson's works, it is
written in a simple, every-day style, and
does not bewilder the working-man
with long mathematical formulas or
abstract theories. The illustrations, of
which there are many, are explanatory,
io that any one who can read plain
English will be able to understand them
easily and to follow the work in hand
without difficulty.

The book contains methods of laying
roofs, rafters, stairs, floors, hoppers,
bevels, joining mouldings, mitering,
coping, plain hand-railing, circular
work, splayed work, and many other
things the carpenter wants to know to help
him in his every day vocation. It is the
most complete and very latest work published, being thorough,
practical and reliable. One which no carpenter can afford co
|>e without

The work is printed from new. large type plates on a superior quality
qt cream wove paper, durably bound in English cloth.

Prioe .... $f.00
FREDERICK J. DRAKE & CO., Publishers.

350-352 WABASH AVE., CHICAGO. ILL,

Fred T. Hodgson's New (1905) Books For Builders

STEEL SQUARE

A TREATISE OF THE PRACTICAL USES OF

By FRED. T. HODGSON, Jtrchitect,

New and up-to-date. Published May 1st, 1903. Do not mistake this edition
for the one published over 20 years ago.

This is the latest practical work on
the Steel Square and its uses pub-
ished. It is thorough, accurate, clear
and easi'y understood. Confounding
terms and phrases have been relig-
iously avoided where possible,
and everything in the book has been
made so plain that a boy twelve years
of age, possessing ordinary intelli-
gence, can understand it from begin-
ning to end.

It is an exhaustive work including
some very ingenious devices for laying
out bevels for rafters, braces and other
inclined work; also chapters on the
Square as a calculating machine, show-
ing how to measure Solids, Surfaced
and Distances—very useful to builders
and estimators. Chapters on roofing
and how to form them by the aid of.
the Square. Octagon, Hexagon, Hip
and other roofs are shown and ex-
plained, and the manner of getting
tho rafters and jacks given. Chapters
on heavy timber f ramin g, showin g how
the Square is used for laying out Mor-
tises, Tenons, Shoulders, Inclined
Work, Angle Corners and similai
work The work also contains a large number of diagrams, showing how
the Square may be used in finding Bevels, Angles, Stair Treads and bevel
cuts for Hip, Valley, Jack and other Rafters, besides methods for laying
out Stair Strings, Stair Carriages and Timber Structures generally. Also
contains 25 beautiful halftone illustrations of the perspective and floor plans
of 26 medium priced bouses.

The work abounds with hundreds of fine illustrations and explanac
tory diagrams which will prove a perfect mine of instruction for to*
mechanic, young or old.

Two large vohxmes, 5(50 pages, nearly 500 illustrations, printed on •
superior quality of paper from new large type.

Price, 2 Vols.,cloth binding...............................................$2.00

Price, 2 Vols., half-leather binding.......„................................ 3.00

Single Volumes, Part I, cloth..............................................1.0C

" " Part I,half-leather........................,.............. 1.50

«' " PnrtU.cloth............................~................ 1.00

-• " PartH, one half-leather.................................. 1.54'

SEND FOR COMPLETE ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE FREE

FREDERICK J. DRAKE <&

PUBLISHERS OF SELF-EDUCATIONAL BOOKS
350 352 WABASH AVE;.. CHICAGO. ILL,

CO.

Modern Magician's

!•¥«. ~mJl DA<nk1. By WiLlJAM J. HHJJAB,

flrtllO nOOK witn an introduction Dy

******** **VV«* Henry Ridgely Evans

|*9rHIS is unquestionably the MOST COMPLETE
Vl/ Encyclopedia of Magic and its kindred arts yet
compiled. It teaches and thoroughly explains all the

tricks, sleights and illusions
that have made magicians
famous from the times of
M. Robert-Houdin to tha
"Continuous Back and
Front Palm" of to-day.

The author has included
in this work the best tricks
explained by Prof. Hoffman
in "Modern Magic," and
"More Magic, "also special
chapters on

Juggling and Hand
Shadowgraphy

In addition to all the
standard tricks, the very
latest illusions, are explained. With tnis book in
his possession the student has no difficulty whatever in
learning to perform every known trick of to-day.

Illustrated with nearly three hundred fine engravings.
Five hundred pages, handsomely bound in cloth, with
unique cover designs in inks and gold.

Price.....$1.50

Sold by Booksellers generally, or gent postpaid to »n$
address upon receipt of price.

FREDERICK"J. DRAKE & CO.

PUBLISHERS

350-352 Wabash Avenue, CHICAGO, ILL.

Practical Lessons in
Hypnotism and Magnetism

By L. W. De Laurence

Lecturer and Demonstrator at the De1 Laurence Institute of Hypnorism and

Occult Philosophy, Chicago; author of "Medical Hypnosis,"

(Physicians' Edition); "The Bible Defended," etc.;

Student of the Orient in Practical Psychology,

Metaphysics, Alchemy, Cabala, Occult

and Natural Philosophy.

SHIS is the author's latest and best
work. It gives the only course
which starts the student upon a
plain, common sense basis of Hypno-
tizing people. Each of the many chap-
ters contains practical lessons pre-
pared especially for self-instruction,
a feature never before offered the
public. Many books published on
Hypnotism pretend to teach the stu-
dent without first mastering the real
principles and entirely ignoring the
constituent elements of Psychology.
Prof. De Laurence teaches a method
which -will enable any student to go
right into a promiscuous audience
without any subjects whom you have
previously hypnotized, and give9
SUCCESSFUL HYPNOTIC DEMONSTRATIONS. He has demon-
strated the fact that anybody who can read can learn his methods
us contained in this valuable book; the instructions are plain
and the methods are the result of long experience, careful re-
search and much study. THOUSANDS HAVE MASTERED
HIS INSTRUCTIONS as taught in this book, and are now suc-
cessfully applying it in their daily vocations, which is sufficient
evidence to prove the worth of this volume. Fully Illustrated.
Paper Covers . . . $0.50
Cloth, Gold Titles . . . i.00

Sold by Booksellers generally, or sent postpaid to any
address upon receipt of price.

FREDERICK J. DRAKE & CO.

PUBLISHERS
330-552 Wabash Avenue, CHICAGO, ILL.

Farm Engines and How

«■•*« * nGm ENGINEER'S GUIDE

By STEPHENSON, MAGGARD « COOT, Export Engineer*

Fully illustrated with'about 75 beautiful

woodcuts. A complete instructor

for the operator or amateur.

The book first gives a simple
description of every part of a
boiler and traction or simple sta-
tionary engine, with definitions
of all the technical terms com-
monly used. This is followed by
over 80 test questions covering
I N^°5>2$^*£^1 every point that precedes. Then
°CL/ Qj£a*^Ln!L FNtiINt I come simple and plain directions
to the young engineer as to how
to set up and operate his engine
and boiler, followed by questions
and answers as to what should be
done in every conceivable diffi-
culty that may arise, covering
such subjects as scale in the boiler, economical firing, sparks,
pressure, low water and danger of explosions, lining and
gearing the engine, setting the valves, oiling, working injector
and pump, lacing and putting on belts, etc. There are two
chapters on Farm Engine Economy, giving the theory of the
steam engine, especially in its practical applications to secur-
ing economy of operation. Chapter XII, describes "Different
Types of Engines," including stationary, compound, Corliss
and high speed engines, and all the leading makes of traction
engines with an illustration of each. Also chapter on gasoline
engines and how to run them, and another on how to run a
threshing ma»kine. The book closes with a variety of useful
recipes and practical suggestions and tables, and 175 questions
and answers often given in examinations for engineer's license.
Beautifully illustrated with plans, etc.

12MO CLOTH. PRICE $1.00.

Sent prepaid to any address upon receipt of price.

FREDERICK J, DRAKE & CO., PUBLISHERS

1 i

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