Songs of the Century
NIGHT
TAKE-OFFS IN WEATHER
(Tune Deep in a dream of
you)
I
dim the fluorescents and fasten my belt
The
snow on the wings is beginning to melt
So
I taxi her out with my mind full of doubt
And
another nite take-off to do.
I
line up on 2-8 and give her the gun
We'r
off of the ground but our work isn't
done.
There's
thousands of feet of fog we must meet
An
instrument ascent to go through.
Then
out of nowhere, a plane meets our stare
And
we rack her off to the right
Just
by a hair, we missed it back there
Then
we're climbing back up thru the nite.
We
break out on top, for the Buncher we
heard
We
sigh with relief for we're glad we're not dead.
We're
not longer afraid, nothing left but the raid
For
we're back up again in the blue.
*********
Winnipeg
Whore
(Tune
Ruben, Ruben)
'Twas my first trip up the
Chippewah
River
My
first trip to the Canadian
Shore
Where
I first met Mrs. Carrie O'Flanagan
Commonly
known as the Winnipeg Whore.
"Now
young man, your face looks familiar
Slap
your ass across my knee
And
I'll give you a royal fuckin'
Dollar
and a half will be my fee".
Slapped
a dollar on the counter
Swore
to Christ I'd pay no more
Lifted
50 yards of calico
Put
the boots to the Winnipeg Whore.
Some
were diddlin', some were fiddlin'
Some
lay sprawled drunk on the floor
While
over in a cozy corner
I
put the boots to the Winnipeg Whore.
Then
out came trooping whores and bitches
There
must have been a score or more
You
woulda laughed to shit your
britches
To
see my ass wobble out that door.
**********
The
Mahogany Bar
(Tune
The
Mahogany is dusty
All
the pipes are very rusty
And
the good old fashioned musty
Doesn't
musty any more.
Then
the stuff got bum and bummer
Through
the middle of the summer
Now
the Bar is on the hummer
And
"For Rent" is on the door.
(Continued
next column)
The Mahogany Bar (Continured)
How
sad and still tonight, boom, boom, [
]
By
the old distillery
How
those moaners moan
'Round
the lager Brewery
Up
in the mountain tops
Far
from the eyes of cops
Up
where the moon shines on the moonshine so stillily.
Goodness
me how misery doubles
Ain't
one thing for making bubbles
For
to drive away your troubles.
Now
the tide has gone and went
Days
and nites are getting bleaker
Shiverin'
for an old time sleeker
'Bout
one-thenth of one percent.
How
sad and still tonite, Boom, boom
By
the old distillery
How
those cob-webs cob
'Roound the old machinery
So
mister, if you please
Don't
let nobody
sneeze
Up
where the moon shines on the moonshine so stillily.
************
My
Sweet Evalina
(Tune -
'Twas down in cunt valley where the maidenheads
grow.
On
Concksucker's Levy where the
Piss
River
flows.
'Twas there I met her, the girl I adore My Sweet Evalina
My
Cow Cunted Whore.
She's
dirty, she's filthy, she'll shit in the
street
And
each time I meet her she's always in heat.
She'll
fuck for a quarter, she'll take less or more My Sweet Evalina,
My
Cow Cunted Whore.
The
first time I met her, she was sweet and young.
She
didn't know a piece of ass from a piece of bull tongue.
She'll
fuck for a quarter, she'll take less or more. My Sweet
Evalina
My
Cow Cunter Whore.
The
last time I saw her, 'twas late in the fall.
She
gave me the clap at the Fireman's Ball.
She
gave me the eyes as she skirted the room
And
she singed all the hair off my touchy maroon
..
Sweet
Evalina, the girl I adore
My
sweet Evalina, my Cow Cunted
Whore
*******
Early
Aborts
(Tune
McNamarra's Band)
[Oh]
my name is Colonel ______________
[I'm]
the leader of the Group.
[So]
gather 'round you pilots
[And]
I'll give you all the poop.
[You]
wonder where the Luftwaffe is
[
..]all about the flak
I'm
the last one to take off
And
the first one to get back.
CHORUS
Early
aborts, avoid the rush
Early
aborts, avoid the rush
Oh,
my sister's name is Minnie
And
she plots the Yankee flights
She
monitors their radios
In
daytime and at night
She's
listeded to their corny quips
Untile
she is nearly deaf
SH's
even been propositiiond
Over
Yanke V.H.F.
CHORUS
Oh
my name is "Two-drawer" Merrrill
And
I'm just a paddle-foot
When
the 17s are up I think the idea's goot
Oh
the guns begin to blaze away
And
the flak begins to pound
But
it doesn't bother me at all
For
I am on the ground.
CHORUS
Oh
my name is Doc McCarthy
And
they call me "Mac the Quack".
I'll
give you your shot of whiskey
Whenevery
you get back.
If
you sho8uld get clap from a toilet seat
Or
syphilis from a glass
I'll
take some penticillin
And
shove it up your as.
CHORUS
********
Disc
Speed
(Tune
Disc
speed, erratic disc speed
Or
is your trail arm troubling you?
Bubble
trouble, roller slippage
Cable
too long
With
compensationg pre-set cross
trail
You
can't go wrong.
Disc
speed, erratic disc speed
Or
is your trail arm troubling you?
Ask
your instructor
It's
better on the other sight
..
..Dry
run!!!!!
********
WOMEN
IN THE SERVICE
(Tune
In
the services there are naughty women
Who
will do most anything if you have a shilling.
Waves
are half a crown, WACs are half a
Guinea.
Big
fat WREN two pound ten
[A]TS a penny.
********
THE
SAGA OF THE SWEDE
(Tune
We
were going on a mission
And
the Swede was on my right
When
the leader made a steep turn to the left.
Oh
the Swede he racked it over
And
he held it in there tight
But
he couldn't hold it there despite heft.
Oh,
the Jerries they did bounce him
As
he fell off in a skid.
SO
I cut back my 4 throddles
To
go back and help the kid.
It
was too late when I got there
He
was going down in flame,
And
it's lucky that I didn't get the same.
Oh
the Jerries they did bounce him
And
I say this heartfully
If
you will fly your missions
You
must cut across your knee.
Now
you all have heard my story
It's
the saga of the Swede
And
you'll never make a steep turn
When
you're flying in the lead.
***************
I
COULDN'T SLEEP A WINK LAS NITE
(Tune
same as title)
I
couldn't sleep a wink last nite
I
was in an awful plight
A
newly married couple
With
love in bloom
Were
occuping the next hotel room.
I
didn't have my favorite dream
For
they were on their favorite theme.
I
had to call them up this morning
To
see if everything was still all right
Yes,
I had to call them up this morning
For
they didn't sleep a wink last nite.
*******
MY
BLUE HEAVEN
(Tune
same as title)
When
eveing is nigh
And
passion grow high
I
hurry to my blue heaven.
A
little red light
I
turn to the right
And
climb up to my blue heaven.
I
see a smiling face
On
a pillow case
A
form divine
I'll
gladly pay the price
For
the paradise
I
know'll be mine.
Just
Molly and me
There'll
never be three
We're
careful in my blue heaven.
************
STEVE O'DONNEL'S WAKE
Steve
O'Donnell was an Irishman 'most everybody knew
He
was loved by all his friends, both rich and poor
And
of course they all felt sorry when they heard that Steve was
dead
And
they saw that bit of crepe upon the door
Now
Undertaker Feeney had the job to lay him out
He
bought a casket of the finest make
He
dressed the corpse in Broadcloth and said, "Boys I have no
doubt
That
you'll all remember Steve O'Donnell's wake."
**********************
CHORUS
For
there were fighters and biters and Irish dynamiters
There
was beer and lots of whiskey wine and cake
There
were men of high positions, lots of Irish politicians
And
they all got drunk at Steve O'Donnell's wake.
***********************
Now
the barber came to shave that Galway
slugger from his throat
And
comb his hair up a la pompadour
He
had a red necktie and a buttonhole bouquet was in his coat
And
a bunch of shamrocks in his hand he wore.
There
were fourteen candles at his head and thirteen by his side
And
lots of flowers sent for friendships sake.
"Oh
Steve me bye why did you die?" the weeping wido
cried
Shure
we all felt bad at Steve O'Donnell's wake.
CHORUS
Now
Mike McGovern said he though O'Donnell was a stew
Of
course he only meant if for a joke
But
Paddy Mack got up his back and at McGovern flew
And
he hit him in the eye an awful poke
All
hand started fightin' then, for everyone was
mad
And
blood enough was spilled to form a lake
They
knocked the casket on the floor and blew out all the
lights
There
was murder down at Steve O'Donnell's wake
CHORUS
The
police came in to stop the row and to make them understand
The
corpse was picked up by his brother Dan
But
someone stole the necktie that was 'round O'Donnell's
throat
And
McGovern said O'Rielly was the
man.
O'Rielly's
friends got crazy mad, they swore they'd have his life
McGovern
saw he'd made a great mistake
But
they fought and kicked and rolled around until the cops came
back
And
arrested all at Steve O'Donnell's wake.
CHORUS
A-----------------MEN.
CATS
ON THE ROOF TOPS
(Tune
John Peel
[
.]en you get up in the morning
[
.]ling full of sexual joy
[
]
you wife's in a family way
[
]
your daughter's feeling coy.
[
.]st rift it up the arsehole
[
]ur
eldest boy
[
.]
revel in the joys of fornication.
CHORUS
Cats
on the rooftops, cats on the tiles
Cats
with syphilis, cats with piles
Little
brown arseholes wreathed in
smiles
As
you revel in the joys of fornication.
The
donkey is a very funny bloke
He
very seldom get his poke
But
when he does --- he lets it soak
As
he revels in the joys of fornication.
CHORUS
- - - - -
Hippopotami,
so it seems very seldom have wet dreams,.
But
when they do ---- it comes in streams
And
they revel in the joys of fornication.
CHORUS
- - - - -
Dogs
on the beaches, dogs on the rocks,
Dogs
with syphilis, dogs with pox.
Dogs
with great big festering cocks
And
they revel in the joys of fornication.
CHORUS
- - - - -
There
was a Captain, a shagger or
renown,
He
shagged all over London
town,
But
then it finally got him down
But
he'd reveled in the joy of fornication.
CHORUS
- - - - -
*******
THE
BAND PLAYED ON
(Tune
The band Played on)
Casey
got hit with a bucket of shit
And
the band played on.
He
waltzed 'cross the floor with the dirty old whore
And
the band played on.
His
balls were so loaded
They
nearly exploded
The
old girl just shook with delight,
He
married the whore with the 18 inch bore
And
the band played on.
********
HE'S
SUCH A NICE BOY
(Tune
He's
such a nice boy, he wears a watch on his
wrist.
He's
such a nice boy and he's never been kissed.
When
he saw Rudolph Valentino in "Blood and Sand"
He
stood up and shouted, "Christ! What a man."
He's
such a nice boy with his pretty red tie,
And
his hair has a Vaseline shine.
He's
never been a sailor and he's never been to sea how he know so many sailors is a
mystery to me.
He's
such a nice boy, he's such a nice
boy,
Thank
God he's no relation of mine!
**********
LITTLE
BALL OF YARN
(Tune
It
was in the merry month of may
When
the jacks begin to bray
And
the jennies wipe their fannies on the
barn,
And
I asked her if she dare,
Let
me wind up her little ball of yarn.
She
said, "But, you're a stranger
And
you don't know the danger
And
you might do me some great harm.
But
for a five dollar bill
We
can go behind the hill
You
can wind up my little ball of yarn.
Nine
months have passed by
In
my little room I sit
Thinking
I had done her no great harm,
When
an Officer dressed in blue
Said,
"But I have come for you
As
the father of that little ball of yarn.
In
my lonely cell I sit
With
my shirt tail dipped in shit
And
the maggots play billiards with my balls,
And
the people as they pass
They
shove peanuts up my ass
As
the father of that little ball of yarn.
*******
WE'RE
GOING ON A MISSION
(Tune
Lilie Marlene)
We're
going on a mission
We
know we'll all be back
We
don't mind the fighters
And
we don't mind the flak,
For
we're the 100th Bomb Group
Tried
and true
We're
going up into the blue
We're
going on a mission,
And
we know we'll all be back.
We're
going on a mission
According
to S-2
He
tells the pilots
What
they're going to do
For
we're the 100th Bomb Group
Tried
and true
We're
going up into the blue
We're
going on a mission
According
to S-2.
We're
scheduled for a mission
But
we'll probably hit the sack
We
don't mind the fighters
And
we don't mind the flak.
For
we're the 100th Bomb Group
Tried
and true
We
seldom get into the blue.
We're
scheduled for a mission
But
we'll probably hit the sack
*********
THE
BASTARD KING OF ENGLAND
(Tune
- )
Oh!
The birds they sing
Of
a British King
Of
many a year ago.
He
was a mighty monarch
Though
his mind was weak and low,
He
loved to change [sic] the bounding stag
That
roamed the Royal wood
But
best of all to hunt the cunt
And
to punch the Royal pud.
His
only undergarment was a dirty undershirt
With
which he tried to hide the hide
But
he couldn't hide the dirt.
He
was dirty and lousey and full of fleas
His
terrible tool hung down to his knees.
He
was the Bastard King of England
Now
Queen Hortense was a sprightly wench
And
a sprightly wench was she,
But
she loved to fool with a majesty's tool
so
far across the sea.
So
she sent a special message
By
a special messenger invited the King
of
France
To
come and spend the night with her.
(Tune- Redwing)
When
news of this foul deed did reach
fair
England's
shore
The
king, he swore by the shirt he wore
He
would have that Frenchman's balls.
(Tune - Original)
So
he offered half a kingdom
And
a crack at Queen Hortense
To
any royal son of a bitch
Who'd
nut the King of France.
Then
he sent the Duke of Zippity-Zap
To
give the Queen a dose of clap,
Just
for spite, that Bastard King of England
The
Duke of Suffolk jumped on his horse
And
rode away to France
He
said he was a fluter
So
the king took down his pants
He
tied a thing around his dong
He
strode his horse and galloped along,
Back
to the Bastard King of England.
The
King threw up his breakfast
And
he wallowed on the floor
For
during the ride, that Frenchman's pride
Had
streached a yard or more.
When
the King of England had spied his tool
He
shouted to his court
She
must prefer my rival
Because
my dong is short
When
Britain's Ladies heard of this,
They
came from miles around
They
all took down their pants and said
"To
hell with England's
Crown."
So
Phillip of [France]
usurped the throne
His
sceptre is his mighty dong
With
which he rules the Bastard King of England
----
Rudyard Kipling.
I'M
NOT IN THE NUDE FOR LOVE
(Tune
I'm in the Mood for Love
I'm
not in the nude for love
Loving
is not so funny
I'm
fleshing this thing for money
So
I'm not in the nude for love
Nightly
I entertain
Dozens
of half-wit faces
The
boys feel like going places
But
I'm not in the Nude for love.
Though
my figures a trifle thinish
My
face a trifle rough
Yet
when my number's finished
Mr.
Otis regrets that he's not seen enuf.
Of
the lady without her fan
My
only claim is knowledge
For
I'm sending my son through college
So
I'm not in the nude for love.
THE
ISLE OF CAPRI
(Tune
The Isle of Capri
'Twas on the Isle of Capri
that I
Met her
Taking a snooze 'neath the old orange
Tree,
Oh,
I can still see the flies buzzing
'round
her
As
she slept on the Isle of Capri.
I
said, "Lady I'm not a rover
Working
my way through colledge, I am,
Wont
you take a little subscription?
Well,
she lifted her head and said
"SCRAM"
I
said, Lady please don't deny me!
Please do as you are bid."
She
said, "Brother, try and make me!
Well,
I not only tried but I did.
On
the morning I left for Mamorka.
Leaving
with her just a memory of me
Now
that memory can read the New Yorker
That
I sold on the Isle of Capri.
A
DISMAL LIFE
(Tune
My
home presents a dismal picture
Sad
and gloomy as a tomb
Father
suffered from a stricture
Mother
has a fallen womb
Brother
Bill has been deported
For
a cruel sadistric crime,
And
the maid has been aborted
For
the forty-second time
Sister
Sue has painful menstrations
No
one laghs and no one smiles
And
mine is a dismal occupation
Cracking
ice (clink-clink-clink) for grandpa's piles.
DON'T
SEND MY BOY TO
(Tune
Don't
send my boy to
The
dying mother said
Don't
send my boy to
I'd
rather see him dead
For
when the flak starts poppin!
With
fighters all around Don't send my boy to berlin
Just
keep him on the ground.
THE HIT SONS OF THE "CENTURY
[T]his
is a RESTRICTED
[pu]blication Please
[do] not leave it about
[car]elessely on tops
of
[
..]ous bars,
pianos,
[
.]however, when the
[time]
and place is
[right]
sing these
with
all your
might.
Compiled and passed by
"THE BOARD OF BAR ROOM BARITONES"
"TAPPA HALFA KEG FRATERNITY"
"ROYAL ORDER OF THRODDIE BENDERS"
"AMALGAMATED TOGGLEERS Ltd."
"SOCIETY
OF HIGH ALTITUDE BOOK[
..] PERS"
"MIGHTY
MICKEY MEN OF AMERICA"
"T.A. JUNIOR GLEE CLUB"
"PRATING PADDIEFOOT PROVISIONAL SOCIETY"
ETO March 1945
Without
any further adieu The Battle Hymns of the Hundreth
NELLIE
DARLING
(Tune
Ah, Sweet Myster of Life)
Oh,
your ass is like a stove-pipe
Nellie
darling,
And
the nipples on your tits are turning green.
There's
a yard of lint that's hanging from your navel.
You
are the filthiest bitch that I have ever seen.
There's
an odor of blue ointment 'round your pussy,
When
you piss, you piss a stream as green as grass.
There's
enough was in your ears to make a candle
So
kindly make one, dear,
And
shove it up your ass.
************
IRISHMAN'S
SHANTY
(Tune
Irish Washerwoman)
Oh,
I'd like to live in an Irishaman's
shanty.
Where
water is scarce, and liquor is plenty
A
three-legged stool and a table to match
And
a whore in the corner with hair on her snatch.
********
HOW
THE MONEY ROLLS IN
(Tune
My Bonnie Lies over the Ocean)
My
mother makes snow for the snowbirds
My
father makes synthetic gin
My
sister sells love for a living
My
god, how the money rolls in.
CHORUS
Rolls
in, rolls in
My
God, how the money rolls in
Rolls
in, rolls in
My
God, how the money rolls in.
------
My
uncles' a poor missionary,
He
save little girlies from sin,
He'll
save you a blond for five dollars
My
God, how the money rolls in.
CHORUS
-----
I've
tried out that snow for the snow-birds,
I've
tried out that synthetic gin
I've
tried out that love for a dollar,
My
God, what a shape I am in.
CHORUS
------
HUMORESQUE
(From
the tune of the same name)
Passengers
will please refrain
From
flushing toilets while the train
Is
standing in the Station, I love you.
We
encourage constipation
While
the train is in the Station
While
the train is moving, so can you.
If
you must water, please call the porter
And
he will place a vessel in the vestibule
Tramps
who're riding underneath
Will
catch it in the face and teeth
The
running water makes me think of you.
-
- - -
We
like to go out after dark
And
goose the statues in the dark
If
Sherman's
horse can take it
So
can you.
Chorus
girls and dancing ladies
Must
take douches or have babies
How
do you like the way I part my hair
- - - -
Little
birds that fly the ocean
When
their bowels receive the motion
Drop
their little droplets in the sea.
That
is how they formed Great
Britain
It
was by the seagull shittin'
And
the evidence is here for all to see.
*******
ARMY
PILOTS
(Tune
She'll be comin' Round the Mt.
Oh,
there are no Army pilots down in hell.
There
are no Army pilots down in hell
The
place is full of queets
Navigators,
Bombardiers
But
there are no Army pilots down in hell
*******
SWEET
MARIE
(Tune
She'll be comin' Rount the
Mt.)
There's
skeeter on my peter, sweet Marie
There's
another on my brother, can't you see
There's
a dozen on my cousin
Can't
you hear the bastards buzzin'
There's
a skeeter on my peter, sweet
Marie
********
LONDON
TOWN
(Tune
Red Wing)
There
once was an English maid
Who
said she wasn't afraid to show her shank to some Yank
For
the dough he paid.
For
a little jack, she'd gladly share her shack and give him a
treat
That
can't be beat and after that a snack
Oh,
the moon shines tonight on Picadilly
There's
no red lights
but maids all frilly
As
you walk around, you fool so silly
You
can't escape their naughty charms
Oh
They'll
be on benches, buxom wenches
With
peroxide hair
Lord
Nelson is there too but doesn't know what to do
As
he's in stone and up there alone
And
cannot follow through!
Oh,
there's no moon tonight in Trafalgar
The
girls will haunt you and some will taunt you.
Stone
lions sit there, they are asleep,
But
"she-wolves" creep all thru the nite.
Over
in Hyde
Park,
as soon as it gets dark, the cuddlin'
pairs
Leave
their chairs on a little lark.
If
a Bobby should, by chance, discover this romance
Give
the devil his due and carry thru,
Say
you're teaching her to dance!
Oh,
there's no moon tonite in Hyde
Park
Among
the trees you'll see some knees
On
the grass they're sure to leave their mark
In
Hyde
Park,
In LONDON
TOWN!
********
FUNNY
PAPER SONG
(Tune
Mairzy Doats)
Daisy
Mae laid in the hay
And
L'il Abner jabbed
her.
I
woulda jabbed 'er
too,
Wouldn't
you?
Dale
showed Flash
Her
little gash
And
Flash he really slashed 'er.
I
woulda slashed 'er
too,
Wouldn't
you?
Oh,
it's nothing new for boys and girls to screw, I happens
nite and day.
But
the people in the papers
They
cut their little capers
But
you never see them lay.
Tillie
the Toiler
She
wheezed like a boiler
When Little Mac he cracker 'er,
I
woulda cracked 'er
too,
Wouldn't
you?
* * * * * *
O'REILLY'S
BAR
(Tune
Seated
one nite in O'Reilly's Bar
Listening
to tales of blood and slaught[er]
Came
the thought into my mind,
Why
not shag O'Reilly's daughter.
CHORUS.
Tiddledy
eyeee, Tiddledy eye
e[
.]
Tiddledy
eye-ee for the one ball ri[
.]
Rig
a-jig, jig, jig, Balls and all
Rub-a-dub,dub,shag
on.
I
grabbed that she bitch by the tits
Then
I threw my left leg over
Shagged
and shagged and shagged some more
Shagged
until the fun was over
CHORUS
- - - - -
There
came a knock upon the door
Who
should it be but her Goddam
father,
Two
horse pistols in his hands
Looking
for the man who shagged his daughter.
CHORUS
- - - - -
I
grabbed that bastard by the cock
Shoved
his head in a pail of water
Jammed
those pistols up his ass
A
damned sight farter than I shagged his daughter
CHORUS
- - - - -
Now,
when I go walking down the street
People
yell from every corner
There
goes that Goddam Son of a Bitch
The
guy that shagged O'Reilly's daughter
CHORUS
- - - - -
*********
THE
FLIER OF GREAT RENOWN
(Tune
Barnicle Bill the Sailor)
There
was a flier of great renown,
There
was a flier of great renown,
There
was a flier of great renown,
And
. then
he
Whomped
a babe from out of town
Whomped
a babe from out of town.
Ha,
ha, ha, Ho, ho, ho, SOME SHIT!
He
laid her on the dewey grass,
He laid her on the
dewey grass,
He laid her on the dewey grass,
And
. then
he
Shoved his penis up her ass
Shoved his penis up her
ass.
Ha,
ha, ha, Ho, ho, ho, SOME SHIT!
He
laid her on a downy bed,
He
laid her on a downy bed,
He
laid her on a downy bed,
And
. then
he
Busted
up her maiden head
Busted
up her maiden head.
Ha,
ha, ha, Ho, ho, ho, SOME SHIT!
He
took her to the burial ground
He
took her to the burial ground
He
took her to the burial ground
And
. then
he
Thought
he'd go another round
Thought
he'd go another round
Ha,
ha, ha, Ho, ho, ho, SOME SHIT!
CASEY
JONES
(Tune
Casey Jones)
[
.]come all you airmen if you want to
hear
[
]ory of a brave a brave aviateer
[
.]ones was the pilot's name
[
.]ag 4 engine, boys, he won his
fame.
[
.]hey woke Casey it was black as sin,
[
.]tions told Casey that the target's
Casey
could tell by the lines on the map
That
this was to be his final lap
CHORUS
Casey
Jones, Lines on the map
Casey
Jones, his final lap
Casey
Jones, lines on the map
Yes,
this was to be his final lap.
Major
Bowman said, "Boys, there'll be some flak."
Casey
could tell that he wouldn't be back.
[H]e
turned to his crew, this is what he
said,
We're
goin' to make
Casey
walked into the drying room
He
hollered for his clothing with an awful boom.
The
sergeant knew by the bastard's groans
That
the man at the counter was Casey Jones.
CHORUS.
Casey
Jones, the man at the counter
Casey
Jones, by his moans and groans.
Casey
Jones, the man at the counter
Yes
the man at the counter was Casey Jones.
Casey
took off and all he left was smoke
He
said, "I've got a present for the Herrenvok,
They
may get me but I'm here to tell
There'll
be a lot of Nazis down with me in Hell."
They
formed up over Buncher 28.
Casey
could tell they were gonna be
late
He
called up the leader over V H F
Said,
"He'd better hurry up or we'll all be left.
Now
Casey was flyin' in the diamond that
day,
He
said, "For the Luftwaffe I'll be easy prey,
There's
gonna be a decoration comin'
to me
But
it'll be the Purple Heart, posthumously."
He
took a burst of flak between 3 and 4
He
yelled, "That's all brother, there aint any more!"
He
rolled her over, went into a spin
They
couldn't bail out so they rode her in.
CHORUS
Casey
Jones, couldn't bail out
Casey
Jones, they rode her in
Casey
Jones, couldn't bail out
No,
they couldn't bail out so they rode her in.
(Continued next column)
CASEY
JONES (Continued)
Fireball
Leader called to Yellow Low
Said,
"See that awful sight down there below?"
Yellow
said, "I'll betcha half a crown
That he landed on the gunner that shot him down."
CHORUS
Casey
Jones, he landed on the gunner
Casey
Jones, that shot him down
Casey
Jones, he landed on the gunner
Yes,
he landed on the gunner that shot him down!
The
boys were sad that evening in the club.
They
seemed to thnk that someone had flubbed their
dub.
The
Colonel said, "There'll be no more of this,
There's
another crew waitin' at the Station Diss."
************
WE
MISSED THE TARGET
(Tune
Stars and Stripes Forever)
We
started to go on a mission
And
they said that it would be visual,
But
the cloud cover was ten-tenths
So
we had to use our Mickey sets.
Now
you may think that we missed the target.
Well,
WE DID!!!!!!!
********
VALLEY
OF THE RUHR
(Tune
I-
We
took a tour, tour , tour
Christ,
we took a tour
To
the Ruhr,
to the Ruhr
We
took a tour, tour, tour,
Christ,
we too a tour
To
the valley of the Ruhr.
CHORUS
My
eyes are dim, I cannot see
The
searchlights they are blinding me
The
search lights they are blinding me.
II
We saw some flak.
III
We got whomped.
IV
We feathered one.
V
We were low.
VI
We feathered four.
VII
We hit the deck.
VIII
We set her down.
IX
To Stalag Luft, Luft
To
Stalag Luft we
go
From
the Ruhr,
from the Ruhr.
To
Stalag Luft, Luft
To
Stalag Luft we
go
From
the valley of the Ruhr.
CHORUS
.
My
eyes are dim I cannot see
The
searchlights they are blinding m[e]
The
search lights they are blinding me!
*******
HE
GOT HIS ORDERS
(Tune
The Wreck of the Old 97)
He
got his orders from 3rd Air Division
And
they said you're 30 minutes late
He
was way back in the column
And
he knew he'd get in trouble
Unless
he increased his rate.
Now
the pilot was drunk
And
the Navigator crazy
As
they headed out to the North
Sea
Now
the clouds were built up
From
the ground to 30,000
But
he said, "I'll make the I.P."
Now
he looked at the date, 'twas 31st Dec.
And
he said, "It's New Years Eve
If
I can get back to Old
T------ A-----.
Never
the ground I'll leave."
Oh
he started on the bomb run making 30 miles an hour
And
the flak was bursting in his face
He
looked at his co-pilot whose face had quite a
pallor
And
the boys were seeing daylight through the waist.
Now
he called up the leader said, "There's Bandits in the air.
Is this message of mine understood?"
Fireball
Leader said, "Close up the formation
Let's
make the old 100th look good."
There
were ME 109 and Focke-Wulf 190s
And
they hit them at the R.P.
Now
they may not scare you
And
they may not scare your brother
But
they sure scare the hell out of me.
So
he feathered Number 1, fell out of position
And
his turbos were a wreck
Now
he called up the Group said, "I'm aborting and I've got to hit the deck."
Then
he feathered Number 2 and he feathered
Number 3, Number 4 the
one he didn't lack.
"Now
listen here you bastards, don't go and steal my clothes
Cause
I'm sure I'm going to get back."
Now
he called up Air-Sea rescue over old "C" Channel
Said,
"You'd better be waiting for me
Now
the air may be cold and the water may be salty
But
I'm headin' for the old North
Sea."
So
he hit the drink with his hand on the throttle
And
his mind was filled with doubt
Oh,
they floated in the water for many an hour but they finally fished him
out.
So
he took his d[
] 'rum [
.] and reported to the
THIS
IS THE BIG B-17
(Tune
This Is The Army)
This
is the Big B-17
This
is a 4 engine machine
It
has taken off before
But
it won't fly around much anymore
He
ground looped our 17.
He
crashed right in to our Latrine
You
have sat on those stools before
But
those happy days are gone forevermore[e]
MEs
and Focke-Wulfs galore
Now
listed, Green, to what I've seen
And
you will want to fly no more.
He
took a trip right into France
The
poor bastard never had a chance
Mes
knocked him into a spin
Now
he'll never see England
again.
--------
Major
Bowman's our S-2
He
tells the pilots what to do
He
said the route would be free of flak
Only
one Flying Fort made it back.
The
pilot asked where's the I.P.
The bombardier said, "Its under me."
He
dropped his bombs just as before
Now
there's no turnip patch anymore.
This
is the famous Flying Fort
I've
seen many of them abort
They
got a sortie for that before
But
they won't get a sortie anymore.
Twenty-five
was the normal tour.
That's
all a pilot can endure
We've
had it easy in the E.T.O.
But
we won't have it easy anymo. [sic]
We
go down to the critique
We
are very very meek
We
have screwed up our missions before
And
we're going to screw up some more.
This
is the latest poop from group
If
you belive it you're a stoop
You
just follow the S.O.P.
And
England
will never be free.
I
go to the surgeon with a cold
I'm
feeling very very bold
He
says, "I know the very cure
It's
a trip to the heart of the Ruhr.
I
go to London
on a pass
I
go there to get my ass
Doc
McCarthy said "Take a Pro."
Now
I ain't got no ball anymo.
Promotions
and medals they are few
If
you're on a Bomber crew.
The
best place to be is in that old chair
For
flak cannot reach your bottom there.
**********
SAMUEL
HALL
(Tune
[Oh]
my name is Samuel Hall
[Sa]muel Hall Samuel
Hall
[Oh
my] name is Samuel Hall
[And
I] hate you one and all
[You']re a bunch of mockers all
[Damn]
your hides.
Oh
I killed a man, 'tis said
So
'tis said so 'tis said
Oh
I killed a man 'tis said
Left
him lying there for dead.
With
a bullet in his head
Damn
his hide.
Oh
they took me to the quad
To
the quad to the quad
Oh
they took me to the quad
Tied
me to an iron rod
And
they left me there, by God.
Damn
their hides.
Oh
the parson he did come
He
did come - he did come.
Oh
the parson he did come
And
he looked so God-damned glum
When
he spoke of Kingdom Come.
Damn
his hide.
Oh
my poppa he come too
He
come too - he come too
Oh
my poppa he come too.
Saying,
"Sam, what did you do?"
I
said, "Pop, t'hell with you
Dam
your hide."
So
it's up to the rope I go
Up
I go - up I go.
So
it's up the rope I go
With
my friends all down below
Saying,
"Sam we told you so"
Damn
their hides.
I
saw Nellie in the crowd
In
the crowd - in the crowd.
I
saw Nellie in the crowd
And
she looked so God-damned proud
That
I hollered right out loud,
"Damn
your hide."
Let
this be our parting knell
Parting
knell - parting knell.
Let
this be our parting knell
Hope's
to see you all in hell
Hopes
to hell you sizzle well
Damn
your hide.
********
I
USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO
(Tune
-
Oh,
I used to work in Chicago
In
a Department Store
I
used to work in Chicago
-
I
did but I don't anymore.
A
lady cam in and asked for a hat*
I
asked he what kind she'd adore
**Felt
she said, so felter I did
I
did but I don't anymore.
*Asked
**Kind
Socks Hose
Cake Layer
Dog Cocker
Coat Jumper
'Plane Fokker
Shoes Pumps
Blouse Jacket
Gloves Rubber
Tool Crank
Beef Corned
Nails Spikes
Meat Ram
**********
DRUNKEN
PILOT
(Tune
Ten Little Indian)
1
Oh, what do we do with a drunken
pilot
2
- Put him in the nose of a
Fortress Bomber
3
- He will bomb the blind and
pregnant
4
- He will bomb their homes and
Churches
5
- He will bomb their Turnip
Patches
6
- That's what we do with a drunken
pilot.
What do we do
with a drunken pilot
What do we do
with a drunken pilot
So early in the Morning?
************
DON'T
FORCE IT IF IT DON'T FIT
Don't
force it if it don't fit
Don't
force it if it don't fit
(Tune
Traditional)
Got
yourself a brand new size
Don't
force it if it don't fit
You'll
never have to 'pologise.
Now
the rooster, when he saw the egg was red
Went
across the street and knocked the peacock dead.
Don't
force it if it don't fit
Get
yourself a brand new size.
Get
yourself a brand new size
Don't
force it if it don't fit
You'll
never have to 'pologise
Now
the monkey, when he saw how the kid was slung
Went
and knocked hell out of the Orangatung.
Don't
force it if it don't fit
Get
yourself a brand new size!
*****
THE
HILLS OF
In
the hills of
She
came rollin' down the mountain
Along
came a western cowboy, with his chaps and spurs and
frills.
Along
came the city slicker
Now
she's living in the city
Then
along came the depression
*****
DOWN
IN RUHR
VALLEY
Down
in Ruhr
Valley,
flying so low
Flack
loves big bombers, fighters do too,
Write
me a letter, send it to me
****
FORTRESS
LEAVING BOMBAY
They
say there's a Fortress just leav[ing]
CHORUS
With
six OMDs and some bloody good
luck
*****
NO
BALLS AT ALL
When
Lulu was married she jumped into bed
CHORUS
Oh
mother, dear mother, oh what shall I
do.
There
once was a lady named Sylvia Fox
*****
CATHUSALEM
[I]n
ancient days there lived a maid
[CHOR]US.
This
maiden's cunt was round and red
Nearby
there lived a bugger tall
One
night returning from a spree
She
led him to a cozy nook
This
sonofabitch was underslung.
That
bugger sure enjoyed his fun
There
happened there that very night
He
chanced to spy that cozy nook,
Up
got that bugger full of fight
That
tittle tart she knew her part
An
airman told me before he died
CHORUS
Now
the tragedy of this little skit
********
FASCINATION
BITCH
Oh,
I wish I were a fascinating bitch
Once
a week I'd take a day off
******
MERSEBURG
Our
Bomb Group goes always to Merseburg
We
fly with those 95th bastards
*****
AWAY
WE GO
Away,
away, away we go
The
navigator is a drunk
*****
BIG
PETE
You
may have heard stories of bravery and guts in the land that they call
ETO
Each
night about dusk when the missions were through
When
I first met Big Pete he had two more to go
"Just
give me thouse two, I'll no longer be blue fighters
and flak I will meet."
When
Pete Went on pass, he was rarin' for ass.
The
old concierge, his face was like a dirge
Big
Pete opened the door on the floo crouched his
whore
Now
there's many a maiden from old Picadill
When
Pete finished up he drank his stirrup cup although he was barred from the
club
"There
goes my old group
*********
MONTY
WAS TRACKING THE HUN
It
was England
in Spring
The
weather was clear
With
smoke pots full blast
With
tanks loaded for bear
With
United
States
Gobs and Canadian Bobs
To
the folks in the pubs
*********
LITTLE
STILL
Down
beneath the hill
CHORUS
Now
if you should ever happen
******
THOSE
SWINGING DOORS
'Twas Saturday night in this old mining
town
[M]other, oh Mother, oh where can he be?"
[CHO]RUS
"Now I shall go fetch him," the daughter did say, "He shank't bring disgrace to our name."
"Oh
father, dear father come home with me now
Each
Saturday night in this old mining town
"Oh
mother," she wailed, "My mission I've failed my father will ne'er mend his
ways."
********
EVERY
CHILD MUST HAVE A LEGAL FATHER
Every
child must have a legal father
******
I
WANTED WINGS
I
wanted wings
Oh
yes I will, oh yes I will
***********
BOOGIE
The
alligator said as he swallowed the cat, Monkey
and the baboon sittin' in the
grass. Baboon said, "Goddam your soul Pappa
got drunk, got thrown in the can Pappa
got drunk, got thrown in jail Pappa
got drunk, couldn't find the latch Pappa
got drunk, got lost in a fog Mamma's
in bed, pappa's on top. *********
BETA
THETA PI
Oh
way down in Tenessee CHORUS
(Tune
traditional)
Lived
a girl named Nancy Brown
She
was the fairest maiden
In
country or in town.
Along
came the village decon
A-lookin' for a thrill
He
took our little Nancy
Away
up in the hills.
Rollin'
down the mountain
Rollin'
down the mountain mighty wise
For
she didn't give the deacon the thrill that he was seeking'
And
remained as clear as West
Virgina
skies.
He
took our little Nancy
'way up in the hills.
She
came rollin' down the mountain
Rollin'
down the mountain
Rollin'
down the mountain like a lamb
For
despite all his urgin' she remained the village virgin
And
as pure as West
Virgina
ham.
With
his hundred dollar bills
He
took our little Nancy
'way up in the hills.
She
stayed up in the mountain
Up
in the mountain, up in the mountain over night.
She
came down next morning early
More
a woman than a girlie and her Pa chased the slicker out of
sight.
Living
in the City, living in the city mighty swell
Her
life's all beer and skittles
And
she's catin' fancy "vittles"
And
the West Virginia Hills can go to hell.
Caught
the slicker by the pants
He
gave up all his motorcars and gave up little Nance.
She
went back to
Back
to
Both
the cowboy and the deacon got the trill that they were seekin'
For
our Nancy's
just a
(Tune
Birmingham
Jail)
Some
chair-borne bastard said we must go.
P-51
boys, what's happened to you?
Send
it in care of Stalag Luft
three.
(Tune
Bless Them All)
Calais
bound for the Limey shore
It's
heavily laden with petrified me[anure]
And
stiffs who are laid on the fl[
]
There's
many a Heinkel made man a[
..]
I
saw man a Messerschmitt fall.
They
shot off our bolics
Shot
up our hydraulics, but cheer up my
Lads.
BLESS 'EM ALL!
Bless 'em all, bless 'em
all
The
long and the short and the tall
Bless
all the blondies and all the
brunettes
Each
airman is happy to take what he
gets so we're givin the eye to the all
To
those who attract and appall
Each
Sally and Susie you can't be too choosy
We
made the Limey shore
The
cloud was eleven-tenths right on the deck
And
tried blood hard to be more.
They
dug up a windmill and six thach-roofed
shacks
When
they traced us back to landfall.
There'll
be no promotion
This
side of the ocean so cheer up my lad, BLESS 'EM ALL@
CHORUS
(Tune
Her
checks, they were rosy
Her
lips were red
She
reached for his penis
His
penis so small
She
reached for his balls
He
had no balls at all
No
balls, no balls, no balls at all
She
married a man who had no balls at all.
I've
married a man who knows not how to screw.
Oh
daughter, dear daughter don't worry your head
I
had the very same trouble with your Goddamned
dad!
CHORUS
She
had hair on her belly
And
cheese in her box.
She
married a man named Patrick McGaul
He
had a very short pecker
And
no balls at all.
CHORUS
(Tune
[wh]o
always did a roaring trade
[
.]prostitiute of ill
repute
[
]harlot of Jerusalem
[
.],
Cathusalem Cathusalem,
Cathusalem
[
..]Cathusalem
[
.]
arlot of Jerusalem.
For
forty years it had not bled
It
smelled as though it might be dead
The
bunghole of Cathusalem.
CHORUS
-
Who
with his tool could shift a wall
And
he had slept with nearly all
The
harlots of Jerusalem.
CHORUS
- -
With
customary cock stood he
And
balls that hung below his knee.
Was
accosted by Cathusalem.
CHORUS
- -
And
there uncoiled his famous crook.
Full
seven feet it throbbed and shook
And
quivered for Cathusalem.
CHORUS
- -
He
missed her hole he hit the bung
He
didn't stop 'til he hit the dung
In
the bung hole of Cathusalem.
CHORUS
- -
And
spitting like a Lewis gun
Had
sowed the seeds of many a son
In
the bowels of old Cathusalem
CHORUS
- -
A
bloody Shrike, a Gibbersite
And
he had come in search of right,
'Bound
the walls of old Jerusalem.
CHORUS
- -
He
seized that bugger by his crook
And
tossed him into Jabrons Brook
That
flows around Jerusalem.
CHORUS
- -
He
seized that Shrike, that Gibbersite
And
shoved it up with all his might
The
ass hole of Cathusalem.
CHORUS
- -
She
braqced herself and left a fart
And
blew him out just like a dart
A
mile above Jerusalem.
CHORUS
- - -
BLOODY
GREAT WHEEL
(Tune
I
wish I knew if the bastard lied
That
he had a wife with a cunt so wide
That
she had never been satisfied.
So
he fashioned a bloody great wheel
He
fastened it to a prick of steel
Two
balls of brass he filled with cream
And
the whole bloody issue was driven by steam
Around
and around went the blood great wheel
In
and out wen the prick of steel
"Enough,
enough, enough!" she cried.
For
she'd been bloody well satisfied.
There
was no way of stopping it.
Around
and around went the blood great wheel
In
and out went the prick of steel
She
was split from cunt to tit
And
the whole bloddy issue was covered with
SWEET
VIOLETS.
etc. etc.
(Tune
I'd
never be poor, I always
would be rich.
I'd
live in a house with a big red light.
I'd
sleep all day and I'd work all night
Just
to drive my customers wild.
Oh,
I wish I were a fascinating bitch
Instead
of an illegitimate child.
(Tune
My Bonnie)
Our
Bomb Group it never turns back
We
go right in to the target
We
don't give a damn for the flak.
CHORUS
Merseburg,
Merseburg, Oh look what has happened to
me.
Merseburg,
Berseburg, Oh look what has happened to
me.
They're
yellow as yellow can be
They
turn 20 miles from the target
And
look what has happened to me.
CHORUS
- -
What
care we for any a foe
As
over Germany
we do go
In
a Flying Fortress Bomber.
He
took his training in his bunk
He
shot a wing light for a star
And
we don't know where in hell we are.
(Tune
Ivan Skivinsky Skivar)
But
the bravest of these was that big hunk of cheese
And
he was a big BTO.
To
the bar he would stear his big
feet
For
the drunkest of these was that big hunk of cheese
Who
was known to us all as BIG PETE.
As
he leaned on the bar in the club
He
turned round and said, "I'd rather be dead than to keep on flubbin' the dub."
He's
seen them before, they don't scare him no
more.
He's
the legend who's known as Big Pete.
He
said, "I'll flak up old London
Town."
But
his love for his date it soon turned into hate
And
her panties fluttered down to the ground.
As
he held up her pants by the seat.
He
timidly knocked at the door that was locked the one occupied by Big
Pete.
A-shiverin' in her bare skin
Said
Pete to that man, "Do you think that I can wear that bra and that scanty
stop-in?"
Who
have gone to bed straight from the street
But
damn few are found, and I'll bet my last pound,
Who
have bedded down with our Big Pete.
He
took his last piss at the station in Diss
And
he cast his eyes way up above.
They fly 'cordin' to poop
I know that their bombs will fall sweet."
How
he wished he were there
Naviating
for fair
As
was only done by Big Pete.
(Tune
Ivan Skivinsky Skivar)
Churchill
said, "Heave that thing
For
we've go the blokes on the [run]
It
came out in bold type
Which
bandied such tripe
That
Monty was tracking the Hun.
For
the first time this year
And
each man was cleaning his gun
With
a stare on his face
As
he bent to the chase
For
Monty was tracking the Hun.
To
hide troops that had passed
As
they marched with their backs to sun
With
full hunting gear
They
called back to the rear
That
Monty was tracking the Hun.
A
barrage in the air
His
boys captured yards one by one
While
Patton in style covered 35 mile
While
Monty was tracking the Hun.
And
the 8th Air Force hiding the sun.
He
had Frenchmen and Poles in Limey foxholes
For
Monty was tracking the Hun.
Who
were flubbing their dubs
The
was
was practically won.
High
over the Rhine
His
beacon does shine,
For
Monty's still tracking the Hun.
(Tune
There
is a little still
And
its smoke goes curling to the sky you can easily tell
By
the sniffle and the smell
There's
good likker in the air close by.
Keep
your jug corked tight
And
keep it out of sight
For
it's only known to a few
SO
pucker up your lips
And
take a little sip
Of
the good old Mountain dew.
On
this little still
In
the morning,
You
can have your jug filled
With
the likker we distill
By
us men who make it right.
CHORUS
(Tune
Jakes'
bar room was mery and gay
And
far from this laughter a mother did wait
For
Pop to come home with his pay.
[Da]ughter
exclaimed thru her tears
[M]other
replied, "I'm sadly afraid
[That] father has stopped for some beets."
[Oh]
the doors swing in and the doors swing out
While
some pass in and others pass out
Your
father I fear has his nose in some beer
[Behind]
those swinging doors.
So
straightway she went to the corner saloon
To
save her poor father from shame.
The
clock in the steeple strikes two,
The
rents to be paid and I'm sadly afraid
You'll
spend all your money for brew."
CHORUS-
Oh
the doors swing in and the doors swing out
While
some pass in and some pass out
Through
the smoke and the hasze, there stands pop in a daze
behind those swinging doors,
Behind
those swinging doors.
The
miners come in with their gold
And
father blows in all his wages for gin
And
Nellie goes home in the cold.
The
mother replied, "It's always the same,
It's
always the women who pay."
CHORUS
Oh
the doors swing in and the doors swing out
While
some pass in and other pass out.
The
story is told of the fool and his gold
Behind
those swinging doors
Behing
thos SWINGING DOORS!
(Tune
Melancholy Baby)
So
honey don't you roll those eyes at me,
We
go out and neck and pet together
But
I know what you're trying to do to me.
First
you put your hand upon my shoulder
Next
you pout your hand upon my knee
But
let's pull up my pants
And
forget about romance
'Cause I'm not ready for maternity
Without
a father
I'll
have a nameless bastard on my knee.
(Tune
Now
I've got those goddamed things
I
don't want those blood wings anymore.
For
Distinguished Flying Crosses
Do
not compensate for losses
And
I'll never see my Nellie any more
I
will see my darling Nellie evermore
For
Distinguished Flying Crosses
Do
not compensate for losses
But
Christ, what a hero in a bar.
(Tune
"This is one pussy that you'll never get
at."
Sing
boogie Sing Boogie.
Monkey
shoved his finger up the Baboon's ass.
Sing
Boogie Sing Boogie.
Shove your dirty finger up your own ass hole."
Sing
Boogie, Sing Boogie.
Mamma's
in bed with another man.
Sing
Boogie, Sing Boogie.
Sister's
on the corner hollerin', "Pussy for sale."
Sing
Boogie, Sing Boogie.
Tried
to put the key in the landlady snatch.
Sing
Boogie, Sing Boogie.
Stumbled
over Junior truing to cornhole the
dog.
Sing
Boogie, Sing Boogie.
Juniors
in the cradle hollerin', "Shoot it to her Pop."
Sing
Boogie, Sing Boogie.
(Tune
Lives
a horses ass, that's me.
And
my father shoveled horse shit in the street.
Now
one day when I was youn
He
found diamonds in the dung
And
he sent me to this fraternity
Drink,
Drink, Drink you bitching Bastards.
Raise
your piss pots up on high
And
we'll drink another glass
To
the biggest horses ass
That
was ever pledged to Beta Theta Pi.