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START
FATHER ABRAHAM
Father Abraham had seven sons.
And seven sons had Father Abraham.
They never laughed and they never cried.
All they did was go like this.
With a left. (Chorus)
With a right. (Chorus)
With another left. (Chorus)
With another right.
And with a hoo-hee.
BEER CHECKS
IN MOBILE
Oh, the eagles they fly high in Mobile, in Mobile,
Oh, the eagles they fly high in Mobile,
Oh, the eagles they fly high,
And they shit right in your eye,
It’s a good thing cows don't fly in Mobile.
Chorus
In Mobile, in Mobile,
In-mo, in-mo, in-mo, in-Mobile,
[Repeat Verse]
Oh, the vicar is a bugger in Mobile...
And the curate is another,
And they bugger one another in Mobile.
Oh, there's a brand new lighthouse in Mobile...
Which the birds use for a shit-house,
Now the lighthouse is a white-house in Mobile.
There's a man by the name of Hunt in Mobile...
Who thought he had a cunt,
But his balls were back to front in Mobile.
There's a man by the name of West in Mobile...
Who thought he had a breast,
But is balls were on his chest in Mobile.
Oh, the girls they wear tin undies in Mobile...
And they take them off on Sundays,
You should see the boys on Mondays in Mobile.
There's a shortage of good whores in Mobile...
But there are keyholes in the doors,
And there are knotholes in the floors in Mobile.
Oh, the parson is perverted in Mobile...
And his morals are inverted,
There's a thousand he's converted in Mobile.
There's a bastard named Mercator in Mobile...
Who's the greatest masturbator,
Fornicator, cunt-inflator in Mobile.
CHICAGO STORE
Chorus
I used to work in Chicago,
In a department store,
I used to work in Chicago,
But I don't work there any more.
A woman came in for a computer,
A computer from the store.
A computer she wanted, my Wang she got,
And I don't work there anymore.
A lady came in for a beer...
6 pack she wanted, ate she got...
A lady came in for a sweater...
"Jumper," she wanted, jump her I did...
A lady came in for seafood...
Lobster she wanted, crabs she got...
A lady came in for a floppy disk...
Floppy disk she wanted, my hard drive she got...
A man came in for a balloon...
Balloon he wanted, blown he got...
A man came in for wheels...
Wheels he wanted, rimmed he got...
A man came in for a beer...
Bavarian he wanted, bush he got...
A man came in for a doughnut...
Doughnut he wanted, my hole he got...
I LOVE MY GIRL
I love my girl, yes I do, yes I do,
I love her truly,
I love the hole she pisses through,
I love her tits, those lily white tits,
And her nut brown asshole,
I'd eat her shit, gobble gobble, gobble gobble,
With a rusty spoon (with a rusty spoon).
THE MASTURBATION SONG
Lasta night I stayda home and masturbated....
It felt so good....I knew it would...
Lasta night I stayda home and masturbated....
It felt so nice...I did it twice...
You should have seen me on the short strokes
I used my hand... It felt so grand
You should have seen me on the long strokes....
It felt so neat...I used my feet.
Smash it, bash it, throw it on the floor.
Wrap it round the bedpost, stick it in the door
Some people say its nice to fornicate...
But as for me its gotta be masturbate!!
LITTLE BIT OFF THE TOP
Melody When Johnny Comes Marching Home
When I was eight days old, me boys,
Hurrah, Hurrah,
When I was eight days old, me boys,
Hurrah, Hurrah,
The rabbi came with a long sharp knife,
I surely thought he'd take my life,
But all he took was a
Little bit off the top.
Oh, this is what they call a bris,
Hurrah, Hurrah,
Oh, this is what they call a bris,
Hurrah, Hurrah,
And if the rabbi should happen to miss,
It will make for a more interesting piss,
But all he took was a
Little bit off the top.
The rabbi, he is called a moyl,
Hurrah, Hurrah,
The rabbi, he is called a moyl,
Hurrah, Hurrah,
Now over me he did toil,
If he took more off I'd have been a goil,
But all he took was a
Little bit off the top.
Oh, circumcision is all right,
Hurrah, Hurrah,
Oh, circumcision is all right,
Hurrah, Hurrah,
But every morning and every night,
You aim to the left and pee to the right,
But all he took was a
Little bit off the top.
I DON’T WANT TO JOIN THE ARMY
I don’t want to join the army,
I don’t want to go to war,
I’d rather stay in Richmond,
Living off the earnings of a whore.
I don’t want a bayonet up my asshole
I don’t want my bollocks shot away,
I want to stay in Richmond,
In merry, merry Richmond.
And fornicate my fucking life away - Gaw Blimey
On Monday me’ and was on her ankle,
On Tuesday I touched her on the knee
On Wednesday night, success, I lifted up her dress,
On Thursday I saw it, Oh Gaw Blimey
On Friday I got me and upon it
On Saturday night she gave me balls a twitch
And on Sunday after supper, I rammed the bastard up her,
And now I’m paying seven dollars a week - Gaw Blimey
BEASTIALITY’S BEST
Beastiality's best, boys, beastiality's best... (Echo) Fuck a
wallaby!
Beastiality's best, boys, beastiality's best!
Shove your log in a dog, boys,
Shove your log in a dog.
(Echo) Fuck a wallaby!
Shove your log in a dog, boys,
Shove your log in a dog...
(Songmaster:) All together now!
Intercourse with a horse...
Have a fuck with a duck...
Lick the twat of a cat...
Do an illegal with an eagle...
Up the hole of a mole...
Give some cock to a croc...
Have a rape with an ape...
Get in deep with a sheep...
Have a frig with a pig...
Up the thigh of a fly...
Give your gerbil some verbal...
Fool with the tool of a mule...
In the esophagus of an octopus...
Make it twirl in a squirrel...
Down the throat of a goat...
Shove your willy up a filly...
Stick you rod up a cod...
Up the spout of a trout...
Do it funky with a monkey...
Put your noodle to a poodle...
SWILLIGAN'S ISLAND
Just sip yer brew and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a drunken hash.
That started with a keg of beer,
And everyone got trashed. (Repeat)
The first hare was a brainless tart,
Her co hare was half as smart.
Two hundred some odd half minds,
Took off in a cloud of farts. (Repeat)
The hills got steep, the shiggy deep,
The back checks had them fooled.
Then someone found the beer stop,
And everybody drooled. (Repeat)
The mud had sucked their shoes off,
Their legs were ripped a lot.
But once they had their nectar,
The trail they soon forgot. (Repeat)
The moral is no matter how,
Much shiggy's on your trail,
A hashin' twit don't give a shit,
While he's swilling his ale.
GANG BANG
I love to gang bang, Oh yes I do!
Because a gang bang feels so good.
When I was younger and in my prime,
I used to gang bang all the time.
Now Im older and getting grey,
I only gang bang once a day.
Knock, knock Whos There?
Ida Ida Who?
Ida want another gang bang, if we could,
Because a gang bang feels so good.
Ben Ben-d over and have another gang bang
Turner Turner over and have another gang bang
Gladiator Glad he ate her out before the gang bang
Oliver All of 'er clothes were off at the gang bang
Ida Ida want another gang bang
Peter Meter My peter'll meet her at the gang bang
Ben Dover Bend over and have another gang bang
Dolly Parton Dolly's partin' her thighs at the gang bang
Kissinger Kissing 'er's great, but fuckin' 'er's better
Anita I need a little rest before the gang bang
Mabel Maybe she'll do us all the gang bang
Eisenhower It's an hour late for the gang bang
I'VE ONLY HALF A BRAIN
I could wile away the hours,
Searchin' hills for flour,
Across a wide terrain.
I'd be chipper, and I'd be cheerful,
If my stomach had a beerful,
'Cause I've only half a brain.
With my arms and legs akimbo,
I'll be chasing after bimbos,
Through mud, thorns, and rain.
I'll be making lots of passes,
As I fondle all their asses,
'Cause I've only half a brain.
Chorus: I'll do down downs till the keg begins to spit,
Then I'll fire one up and take a little hit,
I'll impress the women with my charming wit,
As I shout out, "Show us your tits!"
Then my beer I will be sharing,
With them as their breast they're baring,
Our urges unrestrained
Oh, our language will be rude as,
We exchange bod i ly fluids,
'Cause we've only half a brain.
BALL OF KIRRIEMUIR
Chorus
Singing, balls to your partner,
Arse against the wall.
If you've never been shagged on Saturday night,
Youve never been shagged before.
Four and twenty virgins,
Came down from Inverness,
And when the ball was over,
There were four and twenty less,
Mrs. O'Malley she was there,
She had the crowd in fits,
A jumping off the mantelpiece,
And landing on her tits.
The minister's wife was at the ball,
A sitting in the front,
A wreath of flowers 'round her ass,
A carrot up her cunt.
Father O'Flannigan he was there,
And in the corner he sat,
Amusing himself BY abusing himself,
And catching it in his hat.
The Parson's daughter she was there,
The cunning little runt,
With poison ivy up her ass,
And thistle up her cunt.
WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL
When I was a little girl, I had a little thing,
And if I tried, I could get, my little finger in.
Finger in, finger in, finger in,
Finger -i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i- finger in, finger in,
My little finger in!
I've grown into a woman now,
My thing has lost its charm,
I can get five fingers in,
And half mybloody arm,
Bloody arm, bloody arm, bloody arm,
Bloody -a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-arm, bloody arm,
And half my bloody arm!
Now my age is ninety-two,
I am almost dead,
The only thing I can do now
Is give a little head.
Little head, Little head, Little head,
Little (cough cough cough) little head, little head,
Is give a little head.
GIVE ME THAT GOOD OLD VINO
I like my gin - it helps me get in,
But give me that good old vino.
I like my vino,
It gives me a hard supremo.
Chorus
Aye-yi-yi-yi,
Si, si signora.
My sister Belinda she pissed out the window
And filled up my brand new sombrero.
I like my beer - it helps cure gonorrhea,
I like my liquor - it makes me cum quicker,
I like my brandy - it makes me feel randy,
I like my stout - it helps me get out,
I like my rum - it helps me to cum,
SIR JASPER
She wears her silk pajamas in the summer when it's hot,
She wears her woolen nightie in the winter when it's not,
But later in the springtime, and early in the fall,
She jumps between the lily-white sheets with nothing on at all.
Chorus
She's a most immoral lady,
She's a most immoral lady,
She's a most immoral lady,
As she lay between the lily-white sheets with nothing on at all.
Oh, Sir Jasper do not touch me,
Oh, Sir Jasper do not touch me,
Oh, Sir Jasper do not touch me,
As she lay between the lily-white sheets with nothing on at all.
Oh, Sir Jasper do not!
Oh, Sir Jasper do not!
Oh, Sir Jasper do not!
As she lay between the lily-white sheets with nothing on at all.
Oh, Sir Jasper do! etc.
THE GOOD SHIP VENUS
T'was on the good ship Venus,
By God you should've seen us,
The figurehead was a nude in bed,
Sucking a red hot penis.
Chorus
Frigging on the rigging,
Wanking on the planking,
Masturbating on the grating,
There's fuck all else to do.
The Captain's name was Slugger,
He was a dirty bugger,
He wasn't fit to shovel shit,
On any bugger's lugger.
The First Mate's name was Paul,
He only had one ball,
But with that cracker he rolled terbaccer,
Round the friggin' wall.
The Second Mate's name was Andy,
His legs were long and bandy.
We filled his ass with molten brass,
For pissing in the brandy.
The Third Mate's name was Carter,
By God, he was a farter,
When the wind wouldn't blow and the ship wouldn't go,
We'd get Carter the farter to start her.
The crew they were all whiney,
They'd drink up all their winey.
From bed to bed, they looked for head,
But settled for some hiney.
One seaman's name was Morgan,
He was a grisly Gorgon.
Three times a day he strummed away,
Upon his sexual organ.
Another's name was Wiggun,
By God he had a big 'un.
We bashed that cock,
With a bloody rocks,
For cumming in the riggin'.
Another's name was Slater,
He was a masturbator.
He'd pump and pump his massive stump,
And clean the mess up later.
The Captain's wife was Mabel,
Whenever she was able.
She gave the crew their daily screw,
Upon the messroom table.
His mistress was called Charlotte,
Who was born and bred a harlot
Her legs at night were lily-white,
But in the morning they were scarlet.
The Captain's randy daughter,
Was swimming in the water,
Delighted squeals came as eels,
Entered her sexual quarter.
Then there was the Navigator,
He was a fornicator.
The horny sod he took a broad,
And after he fucked her, her ate her.
The cook whose name was Freeman,
He was a dirty demon,
He served the crew with menstrual stew,
And hymens fried in semen.
The Boatswain's name was Lester,
He was a hymen tester.
Through hymens thick he shoved his prick,
And leave it there to fester.
The engineer was McTavish,
And young girls he did ravish.
His missing tool's at Istanbul,
He was a trifle lavish.
A homo was the Purser,
He couldn't have been worser,
With all the crew he had a screw,
Until they yelled, "Oh, no sir."
Another one was Cropper,
Oh Christ he had a whopper.
Twice round the deck, once round his neck,
And up his bum for a stopper.
The cabin boy was Kipper,
A dirty little nipper,
He lined his ass with broken glass,
And circumcised the skipper.
The ship's dog's name was Rover,
The whole crew did him over,
They'd ground and ground that faithful hound,
From Singapore to Dover.
The ship's cat's name was Kitty,
His hole was black and shitty,
But shit or not it had a twat,
The Captain showed no pity.
MY GOD HOW THE MONEY ROLLS IN
My father makes book on the corner,
My mother makes illicit gin,
My sister sells kisses to sailors,
My God how the money rolls in.
Chorus: Rolls in, rolls in,
My God how the money rolls in, rolls in,
Rolls in, rolls in,
My God how the money rolls in.
My mother's a bawdy house keeper,
Each night when the evening grows dim,
She hangs out a little red lantern,
My God how the money rolls in.
My cousin's a Harley Street surgeon,
With instruments long, sharp, and thin,
He only does one operation,
My God how the money rolls in.
Uncle Joe is a registered plumber,
His business in holes and in tin,
He'll plug up your hole for a tenner,
My God how the money rolls in.
My brother's a slum missionary,
He saves fallen women from sin,
He'll save you a blonde for a dollar,
My God how the money rolls in.
My Grandad sells cheap prophylactics,
He punctures the teats with a pin,
For Grandma gets rich off abortions,
My God how the money rolls in.
My sister's a barmaid in Sydney,
For a shilling she'll strip to the skin,
She's stripping from morning till midnight,
My God how the money rolls in.
My aunt keeps a girl's seminary,
Teaching young girls to begin,
She doesn't say where they will finish,
My God how the money rolls in.
I've shares in the very best companies,
In tramways, tobacco, and tin,
And brothels in Rio de Janeiro,
My God how the money rolls in.
My brother Jim whittles out candles,
From wax that is exceptionally soft,
He says it will come in real handy,
If ever his business falls off.
THE BAGPIPE SONG
(To: Scotland The Brave)
Here's to the lassie with the black hairy assey,
Who was lifting up her kilty at the ______ Hash.
(pack does two lines sounding like a bagpipe)
Then there was the jockey with his upstanding cocky,
Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey,
Who was lifting up her kilty at the ______ Hash.
(do two lines sounding like a bagpipe)
Then there was the Yankee who was wanking in his hanky,
At the thought of the jockey with the upstanding cocky,
Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey,
Who was lifting up her kilty at the ______ Hash.
(bagpipe)
Then there was the queerie who was leering through his beery,
At the sight of the Yankee who was wanking in his hanky,
At the thought of the jockey with the upstanding cocky,
Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey,
Who was lifting up her kilty at the ______ Hash.
(bagpipe)
Then there was the Harlot making money in the car lot,
To support the a' queerie who was leering through his beery,
At the sight of the Yankee who was wanking in his hanky,
At the thought of the jockey with the upstanding cocky,
Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey,
Who was lifting up her kilty at the ______ Hash.
(bagpipe)
Then there was the HASHER who was posing as a flasher,
Hustling customers from the Harlot making money in the car lot,
To support the a' queerie who was leering through his beery,
At the sight of the Yankee who was wanking in his hanky,
At the thought of the jockey with the upstanding cocky,
Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey,
Who was lifting up her kilty at the ______ Hash.
(bagpipe)
Then there was the Wenchy doing down-down on a benchy,
Making money for the HASHER who was posing as a flasher,
Hustling customers from the Harlot making money in the car lot,
To support the a' queerie who was leering through his beery,
At the sight of the Yankee who was wanking in his hanky,
At the thought of the jockey with the upstanding cocky,
Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey,
Who was lifting up her kilty at the ______ Hash.
(bagpipe)
Now the moral of this ditty is that when in ______ City,
And you're with your favorite girlie,
Chasing hairs all short and curly,
Just remember to take her hashing and to give her a good bashing,
And keep her away from the Wenchy doing down-down on a benchy,
Making money for the HASHER who was posing as a flasher,
Hustling customers from the Harlot making money in the car lot,
To support the a' queerie who was leering through his beery,
At the sight of the Yankee who was wanking in his hanky,
At the thought of the jockey with the upstanding cocky,
Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey,
Who was lifting up her kilty at the ______ Hash.
(bagpipe)
RINGADANGDOO
(To: My Ding-a-Ling)
Chorus
The ringadangdoo, pray what is that?
It's furry and soft, like a pussy-cat,
It's got a crack down the middle,
And a hole right through,
That's what they call the Ringadangdoo.
I once knew a girl, her name was Jean,
The sweetest girl I'd ever seen,
She loved a boy, who was straight and true,
Who longed to play on her ringadangdoo.
So she took him to her father's house,
And crept inside as quiet as a mouse,
And they shut the door and the window too,
And he played all night on her Ringadangdoo.
The very next day her father said,
'You've gone and lost your maidenhead!
You can pack your bags and suitcase, too,
And bugger off with your Ringadangdoo!"
So she went to town and became a whore,
And hung a red light outside her door,
And one by one and two by two,
They came to play on her Ringadangdoo.
There came to that town a son of a bitch,
Who had the pox and the seven-year-itch,
He had gonorrhea and syphilis too -
So that was the end of her Ringadangdoo.
MUSIC MAN
I am the music man,
I come from down your way,
And I can play.
Pack: What can you play?
I play the viola.
Pack: How does it go?
(with gestures)
Vio-vio-vio-la, vio-la, vio-la,
Vio-vio-vio-la, vio-vio-la.
I am the music man,
I come from down your way,
And I can play.
Pack: What can you play?
I play the piccolo.
Pack: How does it go?
Pick-a-pick-a-pick-a-low, pick-a-low, pick-a-low,
Pick-a-pick-a-pick-a-low, pick-a-low-a-low.
Vio-vio-vio-la, vio-la, vio-la,
Vio-vio-vio-la, vio-vio-la.
(Continue adding as above the
following verses:)
I play the German horn...
German-German-German-horn,...
I play the Sexyphone...
Sexy-sexy-sexy-phone...
I play the Piano
Pia, pia, piano, piano, piano...
I play the Trombone
Trom, trom, trombone, trombone, trombone...
I sing like Michael Jackson...
Holy shit my hair's on fire, hair's on fire...
I preach like Pope John Paul
Bless you , bless you, bless you son, bless you son, bless you
son...(putting hands in beer and sprinkle others)
I dance like Gene Kelly...
I'm singing in the rain...
(Continue lead-in to "Singing in the Rain")
THE ENGINEER SONG
(May be done to "Johnny Comes Marching Home")
An engineer told me before he died,
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum,
An engineer told me before he died,
Ah-hum, ah-hum.
An engineer told me before he died,
I have no reason to believe he lied,
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum,
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum.
He had a wife with a cunt so wide,
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum,
He had a wife with a cunt so wide,
Ah-hum, ah-hum.
He had a wife with a cunt so wide,
That she could never be satisfied,
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum,
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum.
So he built a bloody great wheel, ...
Two balls of brass and a prick of steel, ...
The balls of brass he filled with cream, ...
And the whole fucking issue was driven by steam, ...
He tied her to the leg of the bed, ...
Tied her hands above her head, ...
There she lay demanding a fuck, ...
He shook her hand and wished her luck, ...
'Round and 'round went the bloody great wheel, ...
In and out went the prick of steel, ...
Up and up went the level of steam, ...
Down and down went the level of cream, ...
'Till at last the maiden cried, ...
Enough, enough, I'm satisfied, ...
Now we come to the tragic bit, ...
There was no way of stopping it, ...
She was split from ass to tit, ...
And the whole fucking thing was covered in shit, ...
It jumped off her, it jumped on him, ...
And then it buggered their next of kin, ...
There is a lesson to the story I tell, ...
If you see it coming better run like hell, ...
The moral of the story is mighty clear…
Don’t ever fuck with and engineer.
THE WILD WEST SHOW
(This is best done by forming a circle and having hashers taking
turns being the Announcer.)
Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen!
Pack: Yes?
Announcer: In this cage we have the U-rang-u-tang.
Pack: The U-rang-u-tang. Fantastic! Incredible! Shut (the fuck) up
and tell us about it!
The U-rang-u-tang is an animal that lives in the jungles of North Borneo and it has balls that are made of brass, so that when it goes swinging from tree to tree, it's balls go u-tang, u-tang, u-tang, u-tang.
Chorus
Ohhhh, we're off to see the Wild West Show-o-oo,
The elephants and kang-a-roo-ooos,
Never mind the weather,
As long as we're together,
We're off to see the Wild West Show-o-oo!
The next hasher becomes the announcer as above substituting the name of the next attraction in place of the U-rang-u-tang.
2 The Wild Man of Borneo lives in the mountains and once a year he comes down to eat. Once every two years he comes down to shit and once every three years he comes down for sex.
Member of Pack: No wonder they call him the fucking wild man
of Borneo!
3 The Ooaah bird is a bird that lives in the rocky desert of North Africa. It has balls this long and legs this short so that each time it comes in for a landing it goes, "Oo-aah, Oo-aah, Oo-aah!"
4 The Asstrich lives in the deserts of Africa and whenever it sees its enemies, it buries its head in the sand and offers its ass.
5 The Porcupine is the only animal in the world that has a thousand and one pricks.
6 The Elephant has a ginormous appetite. In one day it easts two tons of sugar cane, one dozen bundles of bananas and twenty buckets or rice. Miss, don't stand too near the elephant's backside. Miss! Miss! Too late! Harry, dig her out.
7 The Winky Wanky bird, by some strange fate of nature, has the nervous system of its sexual organs connected to that of its eyelids, so everytime it wanks it winks. Hey lady! Stop throwing sand into that bird's eyes.
8 The Fuckawee tribe is found in the grasslands of Africa. They are this short and the grass is this tall, so that everytime they get lost, they will shout, "Where the fuck-ah-wee, where the fuck-ah-wee?"
9 The Gee-raffe is the only animal in the world that can walk into a bar and say, "The high-balls are on me!"
10 The Le-o-pard is the only animal in the world that has one spot for each day of the year.
Member of Pack: What about leapyear?
Announcer: Stupid, you just lift up its tail.
11 The Rhinosauras is reputed to be the richest animal in the world. It's name is derived from the Latin- rhino, meaning money; and sore-ass, meaning piles... hence piles of money.
12 The Baiyee is like a long playing record. First you play it on this side (points to crotch of opposite member of sex), then you flip it over (turns demonstrator around) and play the other side (points to the demonstrator's ass).
13 The Brr-Brr bird is a distant relative of the Oohaah bird and lives in the Antartic. When it lands, it drags its balls and says, "Brr, brr!"
14 The Sabertooth Tiger is a thousand pound pussy that can eat you!
15 The Khetat-Khetat bird is also a distant relative of the Oohaah bird. It has one ball made of brass and the other made of lead, so that when it lands, its balls make the sound, "Khe-tat, Khe-tat, Khe-tat, Khe-tat!"
16 The Tattooed Lady has "FIRE" tattooed on one thigh and "BRIMSTONE" on the other and every once in a while she makes some poor soul go down to hell.
17 The Gazelle farts as it leaps from place to place and scientists are still trying to discover whether it farts because it leaps or leaps because it farts.
18 (In this tank...) The Oct-i-pussy can suck you all over.
19 The Homosexual Sparrow will fly backwards for a lark.
20 The Tom Cat is the only pussy with a dick.
21 The Little White Rabbit keeps jumping from hole to hole to hole.
22 The Hare follows the little white rabbit and plugs his hole.
23 The Hash Hound follows the hare and the little white rabbit and and tags them both.
24 The Go-rilla a big monkey who can fuck anything it wants.
Member of Pack: Hey, mister, I thought Go-rillas were apes?
Announcer: Step inside here, Sonny, and see if he can make a monkey
out of you.
25 (The Fight between the Snake and the Asstrich - long
announcement to entertain or bore the pack. The following is just an
example which may be expanded or diminished to impress or relieve
the pack.)
CIRCLE
For the Hares:
And the Hares and the Hares
And the Hares of her dickie dido
Hung down to her knees
One black one, one white one
And one with a little shite on
And one with a light on to show us the way
And the Hares, and the Hares
And the Hares of her dickie dido
Hung down to her knees.
For the Hashit:
You are my Hashit, my only Hashit
You make me Hoppy, when skies are grey
You don’t know Beer, how much I love you
Please don’t take my Hashit away.
For the FRB:
What rolls down stairs, alone or in pairs
And over your neighbor’s dog?
What fits on your back and makes a great snack?
It’s Log, Log, Log!
It’s Log, it’s Log,
It’s big, it’s heavy, it’s wood!
It’s Log, it’s Log,
It’s better than bad, it’s good.
Front Running Bastard Log!
Now you’ll drink for your log!
For the Foulers:
He oughta be publicly pissed on
He oughta be publicly shot. Bang Bang
He oughta be tied to a urinal.
To lie there and fester and rot.
For the Slackers:
Where, Oh Where were you last week?
Why did you make us hash all alone?
You Fat Lazy Bastards, You weren't even here.
So we fucked all the virgins and drank all the Beer.
Down, Down, Drink it all Down
Drink it all Down, Drink all of that Beer
You Fat Lazy Bastards, You weren't even here.
So we fucked all the virgins and drank all the Beer.
Drink it down, down, down, down . . .
For the Milestoners:
Hashers, meet the Hashers,
They’re the biggest drunks in history.
From the town of Richmond,
They’re the leaders in debauchery.
Half minds, trailing shiggy through the years.
Watch them as they drink a lot of beers.
Down down
Other Circle Down Downs:
SALLY IN THE ALLY
Sally in the ally, sifting cinders
Lifted up her leg and farted like a man
Wind from her ass blew out six winders
Cheeks of her ass went Bam Bam Bam
THERE WAS A LITTLE BIRD
There was a little bird,
No bigger than a turd,
A-sittin' on a telephone pole.
He ruffled up his neck,
And shit about a peck,
He puckered up his little asshole.
(point at violators)
Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole,
He puckered up his little asshole.
WHY WAS HE BORN SO BEAUTIFUL
Why was he born so beautiful?
Why was he born to all?
He’s no fucking use to anyone.
He’s no fucking use at all.
So drink it down down down down
He may be a joy to his mother.
But he’s a pain in the asshole to me.
HER LEFT TITT
Her left titt hangs down to her belly.
Her right titt hangs down to her knee.
If her left titt did equal her right titt,
She’d get lots of weenie from me.
HIS ONE SKIN
His one skin hangs down to his two skin.
His two skin hangs down to his three.
His three skin hangs down to his four skin.
His foreskin hangs down to his knee.
Roll back, Roll back,
Oh roll back your foreskin for me, for me. Roll back, Roll back,
Oh roll back your foreskin for me, for me.
TWENTY TOES
Here’s the game of twenty toes.
It’s played all over town.
The girls play it with ten toes up.
The boys with ten toes down.
LITTLE BROWN MOUSE
The liquor was spilled on the bar room floor and the shop was
closed for the night.
When out of his hole, came a little brown mouse and sat in the pale
moonlight.
He lapped up the liquor on the bar and floor and back on his
haunches he sat.
And all night long you could hear him roar, "Bring on the god Damn
cat!"
Well out came the cat and they had a little spat.
And the cat ate up on the mouse
Chomp Chomp
The moral of the story is – "You can’t drink liquor on the house."
SHE’S THE MEANEST
She’s the meanest. She sucks the horse’s penis. She’s the meanest
She’s the horse’s ass.
Ever since she found it. All she does it pound it. She’s the
meanest.
She’s the horse’s ass.
MAY THE HASH GO IN PEACE,
MAY THE HASH GET A PIECE!
SWING LO
Swing Lo, Sweet Chariot
Cumming for to Carry Me Home
Swing Lo, Sweet Chariot
Cumming for to Carry Me Home
I looked over Jordan, and what did I see?
Cumming for to Carry Me Home
A band of angels, cumming after me,
Cumming for to Carry Me Home
(Chorus)
If you get there, before I do!
Cumming for to Carry Me Home
Tell all my friends,
I’m cumming too.
Cumming for to Carry Me Home
(Chorus)