- Here's to men:
When I meet them, I like them.
When I like them, I kiss them.
When I kiss them, I love them.
When I love them, I let them.
When I let them, I loose them.
God damn them!
[1927 Immortalia]
-
here's to me,
here's to you,
may we never have reason to argue,
but if we do,
may we screw,
till it's out of me and out of you.
[15 August 2003. by Anonymous (it is in email archive --JP). ; A (unique?) variant of the below:
Here's to me.
Here's to you.
Here's to the guys we fuck and screw.
Here's to them for fucking us over,
and here's to us for never being sober!
[Retrieved from http://www.tamut.com/toasts/ on 15 August 2003]
/1950s_heres_a_toast_to_when_i_want_it/1950s_here_s_a_toast_to_when_i_want_it.gif)
- Cheers to men who are BIG!
Cheers to men who are small!
Cheers to men who think they are BIG but really aren't at all!
But the ones we raise our glasses to in the middle of the night,
Are the ones that go from small to BIG and stick it in just right!
[contributed by Alex Blesch <alexblesch(at) netscape.net> 16 Dec. 2002.; try to find other examples of this. It has a similarity to the male bawdy toast "I'll drink to the girl that will..."]
- Here's to men!
They don't kiss and tell,
They kiss and exaggerate.
[1970, Tipsi's Bar Guide]
- Here's to men, take warning!
Listen all you girls, take warning,
Take a tip from me,
Never trust a lover,
An inch above the knee.
He'll swear that he will marry,
He'll promise to be true,
But when he's picked your cherry,
He'll say, "To hell with you."
[1970, Tipsi's Bar Guide; this toast is part of a song. Find it in Ed Cray's MUSE II.]
- One drink is good.
Two at the most.
Three I'm under the table.
Four I'm under the host.
[Variation on Dorothy Parker's(?) statement: "I love to drink martini's. Two at the very most. Three I'm under the table. Four I'm under the host."]
-
Here's a toast to the Man I love, he is rich
And he adds much to my life,
He buys me every thing I want --
But please don't tell his wife!
[1970, Tipsi's Bar Guide]
- Here's to ya
And from ya
And to ya again,
I betcha
I wouldn't let ya
But now that I let ya
I'd betcha
I'd let ya
Again!
[1992 Fahey, ...acquired from Mrs. Nancy Cavanagh, Dover Heights, NSW, Australia, 1990]
Variant:
Here's to the night I met you.
If I hadn't met you, I wouldn't have let you.
Now that I let you, I'm glad that I met you.
And I'll let you again, I bet you!
[1960, Koken]
Here's to you and to you again,
If I hadn't met you, what I might have been,
But now that I've met you and let you --
I'll bet you I'll let you again.
[1948ca, Bedroom Party Literature]
-
He grabbed me around my slender neck;
I couldn't cry or scream.
He dragged me to his dingy room,
Where we could not be seen.
He tore away my flimsy wrap,
And gazed upon my form.
I was cold, damp and bare,
While he was hot and warm.
His fervent lips he pressed to mine,
I gave him every drop.
He drained me of my very self,
I couldn't make him stop.
He made me what I am today;
That's why you find me here.
A broken bottle, thrown away,
That once was filled with BEER![1948ca. Bedroom Party Literature, not originally listed as a toast; This is known as a Air Force Pilot bawdy recitation (can be found on "A Night At The Bar With The Boys"). Check to see if it is in Getz I or Getz II or the other bawdy miscellanies.]
- Here's to "The Usual". When we drink to the usual, we drink to the liberation of women and bigger and better orgasms.
- Here's to the men we love
Here's to the men that love us
And if the men we love don't love us
Fuck them and here's to us..
Variant:
Here's to the men that we Love
Here's to the men that love us
The men that we love
Aren't the men who love us
So Fuck them
Here's to us
- When I was a little girl, I had a little quim;
I'd stand before the looking-glass, and put one finger in.
But now that I am old and gray, and losing all my charm,
I can get five fingers in, and half my fucking arm.
[From Hash House Harriers trash hymnal. Specifically listed as a toast]
- I want to be naughty and still be nice,
I want the fun without the price.
I want the thrill of a long drawn kiss,
I want the things that good girls miss.
I want the lights that brightly shine,
I want the men, I want the wine.
I want the arms and the heart of a man,
And still stay single if I can.
Now what I want is a little advice,
On how to be naughty and still be nice.
[1964 Super Stag Treasury. Not listed as a toast. ]
Another:
WHAT I LONG FOR
I want the lights that brightly shine
I want the men, I want the wine.
I want the thrill of a long-drawn kiss
I want the things that nice girls miss.
I want the arms and heart of a man
And yet remain innocent if I can.
But what I want most is some good advice
On how to be naughty and yet be nice.
[ca 1943 England as remembered by Pat Sowrey (now in Australia)]
- Here's to the shafts of various size:
You think you're such a fucking prize.
But all the ego this side of hell
Won't wash away that spoota smell.
Sex toys, bondage, drugs and liquour
Won't make that thing grow any thicker.
And let me tell you, I've had slicker.
Ladies, to the King.
[Contributed by Dan Posluns - dan(at) danposluns.com. He says that this is what the female engineers say at McMaster University]
- I don't want no more whiskey,
And I don't want no more gin,
I don't want no more highballs
To drown my sorrows in.
I don't want no more cigarettes
To get me thin,
All I want is a great big daddy,
So I can sin and sin and sin.
[1938 Clean Dirt, not originally listed as a toast; see if you can find other sources]
- It's not the length.
It's not the size
It's how often he can make it rise.
The contributor, Swamp, has this to say of when & where she learned this toast:- It was at a hash back in the good old days of the Baltimore H3 official "Date Mate Rate A Date". We bimbos had a cardboard template of cut out circles. We used to "measure" the circumference of male hashers, looking for Mr. Right. One guy declined to be rated and recited that ditty. I have used it as a toast ever since.
- Now he lays me down to screw,
I hope this clown knows what to do,
If he should cum before I end,
I swear to God I’ll bang his friend.[Retrieved from http://davidlawmusic.com/blog/2013/9/27/collection-of-drinking-toasts on 2015-09-11]