The Official Rugby Book 2nd Edition 1st Revision

Below is the cover, title page and contexts of The Official Rugby Book 2nd Edition 1st Revision. This was issued in an expanded edition in 1993.

THE OFFICIAL RUGBY BOOK
(Songs and Other Strange Stuff)
SECOND EDITION
(First Revision)
Cap Pelletier
Published and Distributed by:
HARPEL Publishing
P.O. Box 53
Pioneertown, California 92268
(619) 226-8380

Cover designed and illustrated by Cap Pelletier.
Illustrations on pages 1,18, 26, 28, 29, 35, 36, 44, 47, 66, 68, 73,
74, 81, 84, 96 99,106,113,114,123,126,127,132,133,137, and 141 by "Stacey".
Illustrations on pages 8,12, and 59 (twice) by an anonymous artist.
Copyright © 1990 by HARPEL Publishing.
All rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced or copied in any form or by any means -
graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or information and retrieval
systems - without express written permission.
Any rugby club that initially purchases at least one copy of this book is
hereby granted permission to reproduce individual songs for the club's
non-commercial, private use.
Printed in the United States of America

TABLE OF CONTENTS
THE GAME OF RUGBY
The Field......................................2
Starting the Game..................................2
Accidents and Crimes.................................2
Throw-Forward..................................4
Knock-On ....................................4
Tackling.....................................4
Failure to Release the Ball After a Tackle ......................4
Lying on the Ball .................................4
Off-Side Play..........,........................4
Charging, Obstruction, Foul Play, and Misconduct...................5
Breaking and Entering.................................6
Penalties and Penances ................................6
Game Starts, Sort of................................6
The Scrum, In Sickness and In Health..........................7
Putting the Ball In.................................7
Getting the Ball Out................................8
The Loose Scrum or Ruck .............................8
Off-Side Play (BAD) .................................9
On-Side Play (GOOD) ................................9
More Off-Sides: Scrums, Rucks, or Mauls.......................10
The Line-Out —Who Needs It?...........................10
Line-Out Troubles................................11
Line-Outs and the Rest .............................11
The Line-Out — Odds and Ends.........................12
Scoring and Other Rubbish .............................12
Scoring a Try..................................12
Converting a Try ................................13
Penalty Try...................................13

Penalty Goal...................................13
Drop Goal ...................................13
Kicks, Penalty and Free — The Difference Between ...................13
Drop-Outs and Touch-Downs and Such........................14
The Advantage — What Good is It?...........................15
The Inscrutable In-Goal ...............................15
Balls, Boots, and All That ..............................16
The Ref. (Hats Off).................................16
Touch Judges....................................17
No Substitution, Even of Half-Wits ..........................18
Finale .......................................18
Post Finale.....................................18
A TRAINING PROGRAM
Pre-Season Weekly Schedule .............................19
In-Season Weekly Schedule..............................20
Interval Running ..................................20
Weight Training...................................21
Fartlek Training...................................22
Distance Running..................................23
AT LAST, THE SONG BOOK
The Official (?) Introduction .............................25
A Christmas Carol................................28
ARugby Toast..................................28
A Song About Turds ...............................28
AToastToBeer .................................29
AToastToMadge ................................29
A Toast To The Ladies ..............................29
Abortion ....................................29
Adelaine Schmidt ................................31
Aids ......................................31
All The Nice Girls Love A Candle .........................32
Alouette ....................................32
An Engineer's Dream...............................32
As I Was Walking.................................33
Barnacle Bill The Sailor..............................33
Be Kind To Your Web-Footed Friends....................... 34
Beer Is Best...................................34
Bestiality's Best! .................................34
Bill Bailey....................................35
Black Velvet Band ................................36
Boy Meets Girl .................................36
Brother Johnny .................................37
By The Light ..................................37
Bye, Bye, Blackbird................................37
Cal Drinking Song ................................38
Can You Walk A Little Way With It In? .......................38
Cathusalem...................................39
Cats On The Rooftop...............................40
Charlotte The Harlot...............................41
Charlotte The Harlot Lay Dying..........................41
Christopher Columbo...............................42
Christopher Robin................................42
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Clementine................................... 43
Cockles and Mussels............................... 43
Court Of The Horny Five Sweetheart Song..................... 44
Courtin' In The Kitchen .........,................... 44
Daisy ...............,...................... 45
Darkie Sunday School.............................. 46
Dead Whore.................................. 46
Diamond Lily.................................. 47
Did You Ever See................................ 47
Do Yours Hang Low? .............................. 48
Don't Say No.................................. 48
Down-Down Song................................ 48
Eskimo Nell .................................. 48
Eyes Right................................... 51
Fa La La.................................... 51
Fanny Bay ................................... 52
Farmer's Daughter ............................... 52
Fuck Him ................................... 52
Furburger King................................. 53
Gentlemen Should Please Refrain......................... 53
Glorious Beer................................. 53
Harlequin's Lament............................... 54
Has Anybody Seen J.C?............................. 54
Here's To The Split ............................... 55
He's A Dirty Bastard.............................. 55
His Father Was A Eunuch ............................ 55
Hitler Has Only Got One Ball .......................... 55
Hold 'Em Down You Zulu Warrior ........................ 55
I Don't Know What His Name Is........................... 56
I Don't Wanna Talk About It ........................... 56
I Don't Want To Join The Army.......................... 56
I Love My Wife................................. 57
I Used To Work In Chicago............................ 57
If I Were The Marrying Kind........................... 58
I'm A Gentleman Of Leisure, Of Nobility And Pleasure ............... 60
I'm Your Mailman................................ 61
In Mobile ................................... 61
In The Shade Of The Old Apple Tree....................... . 63
Incest Time In Texas............................... 64
Inside Those Red Plush Breeches......................... 64
It's The Same The Whole World Over...................... . 64
Ivan Scavinsky Scavar .............................. 65
Jenny Brown.................................. 66
Jesus Saves................................... 66
John Peel................................... 67
Jonestown................................... 67
Knockers ................................... 68
Large Balls................................... 69
Let Me Call You Sweetheart ........................... 69
Life Presents A Dismal Picture (Hymn) ...................... 79
Lil ...................................... 71
Lulu...................................... 71
Lupe ..................................... 72
Lydia Pinkham................................. 72
Maggie May .................................. 73
Mary Ann Burns................................ 74
Masturbation.................................. 74
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Men ......................................75
MissMilly....................................75
Monte Carlo...................................76
Morgan's Pies ..................................76
Mrs. Murphy ..................................76
My Ding-A-Ling.................................77
My God How The Money Rolls In .........................77
My Old Man...................................78
Nellie 'Awkins..................................79
Nelly Cartwright.................................79
NoBallsAtAll..................................79
O Unhappy Bella ................................80
Old King Cole..................................80
O'Lear/s Balls..................................82
Once There Was A Servant Girl Whose Name Was Mary Jane.............82
O'Reilly's Daughter ...............................83
Peg Of My Heart.................................84
Poetry .....................................84
Poor Little Angeline ...............................85
Pubic Hair ...................................86
Put On Your Bustle................................86
Put Your Thighs On My Shoulders .........................87
Queen Of All The Fairies .............................87
Red Flag ....................................88
Ring The Bell Verger...............................88
Rip My Knickers Away..............................88
Rodriquez, The Mexican Pervert..........................89
Roll Me Over In The Clover............................93
Roll Your Leg Over................................94
Roller, Roller ..................................95
Royal Marine..................................95
Rugby Alma Mater................................95
Rugby Anthem..................................96
Rule Britannia..................................96
Sambo Was A Lazy Coon .............................96
Seven Old Ladies ................................97
She Went For A Ride In A Morgan.........................97
Side By Side...................................98
Sit On My Face .................................98
Some Die Of Drinking Water ...........................98
Sonia Snell ...................................99
Stormy Weather, Boys..............................99
Sunshine Mountain...............................100
Sunstroke, Syphilis, And Varicose Veins..................... . 100
Sweet Violets .................................100
Swing-Low ..................................101
Syphilis....................................101
Take Me Out For A Good Ball..........................101
Team Chant..................................102
The Alphabet Song...............................102
The Bachelor's Son...............................103
The Ball Of Kerrymuir (Balls To Your Partner)...................103
The Chastity Belt................................106
The Church Song —Ding A Dong ........................107
The Country Gentleman ............................107
The Erection Factory..............................107
The Gang Bang Song..............................109
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The Good Ship Venus..............................110
The Green, Green Grass Of Home ........................Ill
The Hairs On Her Dicki Di Do..........................Ill
The Happy Wanderer..............................112
The Harlot of Jerusalem..............................113
The Hole In The Elephant's Bottom........................113
The Keyhole In The Door ............................114
The Kotex Factory ...............................115
The Lobster ..................................116
The Maid Of The Mountain Glen.........................117
The Minstrels Sing Of A Bastard King Of Many Long Years Ago ...........118
The Mole Catcher................................118
The Monk Of Great Renown...........................119
The Necrophiliac................................119
The North Atlantic Squadron...........................120
The Portions Of The Female ...........................121
The Puppy Song ................................122
The Rajah Of Astrakhan.............................122
The Ram Of Derbyshire.............................123
The Ring Dang Doo...............................123
The Rugby Tinker................................124
The S&M Man.................................125
The Sexual Life Of A Camel ...........................125
The Street Of A Thousand Arse Holes.......................126
The Tattooed Lady ...............................127
The Traveler ..................................128
The Tulagi Song.................................129
The Twelve Days Of Rugby............................129
The Virgin Sturgeon...............................130
The Walrus And The Carpenter..........................130
The Wild Rover.................................130
The Wild West Show ..............................131
The Woman Marine Hymn............................132
There Was- - -..................................133
There Was A Priest, The Dirty Beast........................133
These Foolish Things ..............................134
They Both Were Billy Boys............................134
They're Digging Up Dad's Remains........................ 134
Those Old Red Flannel Drawers That Maggie Wore.................135
Three German Officers .............................135
Three Old Whores From Winnipeg........................136
Trojan Is A Girl's Best Friend...........................136
Victory Song ............................1.....136
We Are Warriors ................................137
We're All Queers Together (Bum Tittie) ......................137
When Lady Jane Became A Tart .........................138
Whoredean School.............................. . 138
Why Was He Born So Beautiful? .........................139
Will You Marry Me?...............................139
Woodpecker Song................................140
Working Down The Sewer ............................141
YoHo.....................................141
You Expect Me.................................142
You Picked A Fine Time To Burn Me, Miss Lee...................142
Young Roger Of Kildare.............................143
Your Spooning Days...............................143
You're A Grand Old Fag.............................144
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