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To my darling wife
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have
succeeded 36 times-here is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the kids
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you weren’t in the mood
7 times you were sunburnt
6 times you were watching the late film
5 times you didn’t want to mess your new hairstyle up
3 times you said the neighbors would hear
9 times you said your mother would hear
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was less than satisfactory
because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me the ceiling needed painting
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I’d finished
1 time I was afraid I’d hurt you because I felt you move
Dear husband,
I think you are a little confused: here are the reasons you didn’t get
more than you did
5 times you came home drunk and tried to fuck the cat
36 times you didn’t come home at all
21 times you didn’t cum
36 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you went in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramp in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you had been in a fight and had been kicked in the balls
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book
98 times you were busy watching football
Of the times we did get together, the reason I laid there still was
because you had missed and were fucking the sheets. I wasn’t talking about
the crack in the ceiling, what I actually said was do you want me on my back
or kneeling? The time you felt me move was because you had farted and I was
trying to breathe.
The above was retrieved from http://forums.torrentspy.com/showthread.php?t=37185
on 4 December 2006.
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