Curses

Sentiment-toasts are usually found the in the form "May you...." and then they go on to express a positive wish or sentiment that the toaster wishes for the person toasted. A negative sentiment -- a curse -- has also been used as from early times as a toast. Here are some curses that have been used as toasts:

Osama Bin Laden, you son of a bitch
may your balls develop a 7 year itch
may your pecker be twisted in such a manner
that your asshole whistles the Star Spangled Banner.

[Earliest USENET instance of this curse is from mrrobottow(at) aol.com (MrRobotTow) Usenet: rec.music.makers.bagpipe Date: 17 Sep 2001 22:22:44 GMT]

Variant:

Here's to Osama that son of a bitch
May his pecker fall off with the seven year itch
And may they beat on his balls with a big brass hammer
Until his asshole whisles the Star Spangled Banner.

[John Valby, Sept. 13, 2001, Toad's Place, New Haven, Connectticut; Recorded as "Toast to Osma" on AMERICAN TROUBADOUR cd. ]

A variant of ....
Here's to the Kaiser, the son of a bitch,
May his balls drop off with the seven-year itch,
May his arse be pounded with a lump of leather
Till his arsehole can whistle "Britannia for Ever."
[Cf. the following World War 1 text from the notebook of an Australian soldier, reproduced in Bill Gammage, The Broken Years (Canberra: ANU Press,1974),p.25.; according to Les Cleveland in his article "SOLDIERS' SONGS: THE FOLKLORE OF THE POWERLESS" retrieved from http://faculty.buffalostate.edu/fishlm/folksongs/les01.htm on 17 Jan. 2003. ]

Here is a bowdlerized version from WWI.

"Here's to the Kaiser, the Limburger cheese--
may the swell in his head go way down to his knees..."

[from How to be a Soldier, A Compendium of Useless Information, by Brainless Bates ©1917. Boston, MA: The A.M. Davis Company. 16pg. booklet for WWI recruits.]

WWII variant:

Here's to Hitler, on his last hitch
We are after him now the son of a bitch
His cock will hang like a rotten banana
When he hears us whistle "The Star Spangled Banner"

We will eat all his kraut and drink all his gin
And screw every princess in Berlin
We will cut off his balls and split his bag
And wipe our ass on his German Flag.

We will walk in his palace and shit on his floor
And hang Old Glory right over his door
We will tear up his city and shit on the street
And piss on every German we happen to meet.

We will darken his honor and shorten his joy
And show him the spirit of the American boy
From the land of the free and the home of the brave
We will march down and shit on his grave

[Tavern sheet ca 1943. ]

Another:

Here's to Hitler, the sonofabitch,
May his balls be infected with the seven year itch.
May his cock be twisted in such a manner
That his asshole will whistle "The Star Spangled Banner".
[as remembered by Diogenes <cdhoran(at) hotmail.com> Usenet: soc.history.war.world-war-ii Date: 13 Nov 2002]

Variant:

Oh, here's to ______ ______, boys,
That Stanford son-of-a-bitch
I hope he gets the syph and clap
And dies of the seven-year itch.
If you use his cock for a fulcrum,
And suspend his ball in space,
You can prove by the theory of limits
That his asshole is his face.

[Imbedded in the song "Cardinals Be Damned" version "A" as sung by Stuart Grayboyse in LA in 1964. He learned it at UCLA in 1950 according to 1992 Cray pg 333 & 336.]

Oh, here's to "Cactus Jack," boys, the dirty son-of-a-bitch.
We hope he dies of syphilis combined with the seven-year itch.
If you take his prick as a radius and project his ball in space,
You can prove by the law of limits that his asshole is his face.

[Imbedded in the song "Cardinals Be Damned" version "B" from the collection of Harry Taussig, in Berkeley between 1958 and 1963. Sung to the tune "Son of the Gambolier". According to Cray's Erotic Muse II. pg 334 & 336.]

Variant:

Hillary Clinton is a worthless bitch:
Her ass is eat up with seven year itch.
She speaks right up in a sluttish manner,
While Slick Willie hums the "Stars Spangle Banner"

[From: Gary James <gjames21 (at) lycos.com> Usenet: alt.atlanta,alt.fan.rush-limbaugh Date: 25 Mar 2001]

May bleeding piles persue you, and corns adorn your feet.
Crabs as big as coconuts, sit on your balls and eat.
And when your old and feeble, a syphelitic wreak,
I hope your spine falls out your ass and breaks your ugly neck!

[From: rthiem <rthiem (at) kc.net> Toast Date: 8 Dec 1997 Usenet: alt.humor]

May the bleeding piles possess him and adorn his bloody feet,
May crabs the size of horseturds climb up his legs and eat;
And when he's as old as I am and naught but a bloody wreck,
May his head fall down through his asshole and break his fucking neck.

[Retrieved from http://www.charlotteh3.org/songs.htm on 27 Sept. 2003]

Another:

To Ralph Nader and all the other do-gooders of the world:

May bleeding piles distress you and corns adorn your feet
May crabs as big horses crawl on your balls and eat
And when you're old and feeble and a syphilitic wreck
May your spine fall through your asshole and break your fuckin' neck

[attributed to....] (D.S. Harris, ~1930)

[called a toast. From: ksh(at) rtgvax.UUCP (Kent S. Harris) Newsgroups: net.jokes Subject: A Toast Date: Tue, 25-Mar-86 ]

May the bleeding piles possess him and adorn his bloody feet,
May crabs the size of horseturds climb up his legs and eat;
And when he's as old as I am and naught but a bloody wreck,
May his head fall down through his asshole and break his fucking neck.

[Retrieved from http://www.charlotteh3.org/songs.htm on 27 Sept. 2003]

Another:

To Ralph Nader and all the other do-gooders of the world:

May bleeding piles distress you and corns adorn your feet
May crabs as big horses crawl on your balls and eat
And when you're old and feeble and a syphilitic wreck
May your spine fall through your asshole and break your fuckin' neck

[attributed to.... (D.S. Harris, ~1930) called a toast. From: ksh(at) rtgvax.UUCP (Kent S. Harris) Newsgroups: net.jokes Subject: A Toast Date: Tue, 25-Mar-86 ]

May your clock run slow, your heart fast, your bile over, your wife away, your nose always.

May your wife be a witch who takes after her mother,
and may you all live together in a one-room house.

May you live happily ever after with a poor, ugly, shrewish wife.

LONG CORNS & SHORT SHOES:

Scottish:

Long corns and short shoes to all the enemies of Scotland.

[1779 Scott's Nightingale, 1779 St. Cecilia, 1780 Scots Vocal Miscellany]

America:

Long corns and short shoes to the enemies of America.

[1790 The Vocal Remembrancer, 1795 Feast of Merriment]

Great Britain.

Short shoes and long corns to the enemies of Great Britain.

[1791 Royal Toast Master 2nd ed.; 1806 Toast Master's Guide.]