Toasts for Men: General

Also see the men's subsection of Bawdy Toasts.

Here's to wives and sweethearts!
May they never, never meet.

[1910, Lowe, author "Unknown"; find earlier sources]

Variant?

Gentlemen, I bid you, a toast to our wives
Who make our lives complete
Drink to those women who love us well
so beautiful and sweet
May God grant this wish
the twain shall never meet!

Here's to a sweetheart, a bottle, and a friend.
The first beautiful, the second full, the last ever faithful.

Here's to the perfect girl,
I couldn't ask for more.
She's deaf 'n dumb, oversexed,
and owns a liquor store.

Here's to women's kisses,
and to whiskey, amber clear;
not as sweet as a woman's kiss,
but a damn sight more sincere.

The girl of my dreams has dyed her hair,
And now it's a fiery red.
She drinks, she smokes, and she tells dirty jokes;
She hasn't a brain in her head
The girl of my dreams is a cigarette fiend,
She drinks more booze than I.
But the girl of my dreams ain't as dumb as she seems ...
She's the sweetheart of six other guys.

[1963 Frank Lynn pg.9]

Variant?

Compare with 1952 AMERICAN BALLADS :

Here's to the girl who is mine -- all mine.
She drinks and she bets, and she smokes cigrettes,
And sometimes, I am told, she goes out and forgets
She is mine -- all mine.

[Also found in 1961 Frank Lynn, pg 144]

Here’s to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one.
A pretty girl and an honest one.
A cold beer — and another one!

Here's to my mother-in-law, who still calls me a son...
But I never let her finish the sentence.

Here's to King Solomon, ruler and sage,
the wisest of men in history's page.
He had wives by the thousand, and thought it was fun...
Here's hoping you'll know how to handle just one.

Here's to the lasses we've loved, my lad,
Here's to the lips we've pressed;
For of kisses and lasses,
Like liquor in glasses,
The last is always the best.

[1910 lowe; 1938 CLEAN DIRT; 1952 American Ballads]

Here's to woman! Would that we could fall
into her arms without falling into her hands.

[Ambrose Bierce]

Here's to her eyes, and her nose, and her hair, and all the rest that goes with it.

[1926 Morley]

Here's to the women that I've loved
     and all the ones I've kissed.
As for regrets, I just have one;
     that's all the ones I've missed.
Oh, women's faults are many,
     us men have only two:
Every single thing we say,
     and everything we do.

Here's to the girl with the dreamy eyes,
'Mongst all others she captures the prize;
Could I but win her, all others may rip,
The first time I saw her, I knew she was "it."

[1926 Morley]

Here’s to fine wine, women, and song.
And here’s to workdays that aren’t too long.
Here’s to shoes that always fit.
And here’s to you, you silly sh*t!

Gentlemen, I bid you, a toast to our wives
Who make our lives complete
Drink to those women who love us well
so beautiful and sweet
May God grant this wish
the twain shall never meet!

[Retrieved from http://www.mudcat.org/detail_pf.cfm?messages__Message_ID=518726
on 8 March 2003.]

Here's to the girl with a kiss like wine,
Here's to the girl with a form divine,
I like them both but I'll take for mine,
The girl whose boast is the dollar sign.

Here's to the most wonderful girl I know,
   The girl whom I more than adore;
The girl who is all in all to me --
   The girl whom I met at the shore.

I remember how those big blue eyes --
   No, I don't believe they were blue.
Brown, perhaps, but nevertheless,
   They thrilled me through and through!

And her golden hair I will ne'er forget;
   Golden? -- Now let me see --
It must have been her golden eyes --
   No! no! that could hardly be.

But how I loved that wonderful girl;
   I can see her smiling face
As we strolled down through that seaside town,
   I've really forgotten the place.

To me she's the girl of girls! With pride
   My love for her I proclaim.
So here's to that wonderful, wonderful girl --
   Great guns! I've forgotten her name!

[attributed to Kaser in 1926 Morley]

HERE'S TO THE MAIDEN ...'

Here's to the maiden of bashful fifteen,
Here's to the widow of fifty;
Here's to the flaunting extravagant queen,
And here's to the housewife that's thrifty;
Let the drink pass,
Drink to the lass,
I'll warrant she'll prove an excuse for the glass.

Here's to the charmer, whose dimples we prize,
And now to the maid who has done, sir,
Here's to the girl with a pair of blue eyes,
And here's to the nymph with but one, sir.
Let the drink pass,
Drink to the lass,
I'll warrant she'll prove an excuse for the glass.

Here's to the maid with a bosom of snow,
And to her who is brown as berry;
Here's to the wife with a face full of woe,
And now to the girl that is merry:
Let the drink pass,
Drink to the lass,
I'll warrant she'll prove an excuse for the glass.

For let 'em be clumsy, or let 'em be slim,
Young or ancient, I care not a feather;
So fill a pint bumper quite up the brim,
And let us e'en toast them together.
Let the drink pass,
Drink to the lass,
I'll warrant she'll prove an excuse for the glass.

[By Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816). School for Scandal.; this is was written as a song sung to the tune ___________. Often used as a toast. See 1849, Social & Convivial Toastmaster . ; Check for earlier instances. ]

Here's to the girl I love,
I wish that she was nigh,
If drinking beer would bring her here,
I'd drink the damn place dry.

[from an unmailed postcard, ca. 1910]

A Toast to you Girls,

Here's to the Ladies, and Here's to their Mothers,
Here's to their Aunt's, their sisters and others,
I'll drink to their health as long as I'm able,
and I'll dream of their charms when I'm under the table!

[From: "vusani" <vusani (at) cowtown.net> Date: 2000-03-14 Usenet: alt.support.loneliness; This is a variant of a more popular version. Find primary version and give earliest instance.]

Here's to the girl that gives and forgives.
And here is to the man who gets and forgets.
But to hell with the girl who gives and yells,
And damn the bastard that gets and yells.

Here's to the girl,
with eyes of brown,
Who cheers you up,
when you're feeling down,

Here's to the girl
with eyes of blue,
Who has a nice smile,
and a heart so true,

Here's to the girl,
with eyes of green,
Whose silky hair,
is the fairest I've seen,

But, no matter their hue,
Yours are best, know why?
'cause yours laugh when mine laugh
and cry, when mine cry.

Variant:

Here's to the girl with eyes of blue,
Whose hear is kind and love is true;
Here's to the girl with eyes of brown,
Who's spirit proud you cannot down;
Here's to the girl with eyes of gray,
Whose sunny smile drives care away --
Whate'er the hue of their eyes may be,
I drink this toast to the girls with thee.

[1938 CLEAN DIRT]

Here's to all of the women who have used me and abused me...
And may they continue to do so!

Here's to the women who love me terribly,
May they soon improve.

A drink, my lass, in a deep clear glass,
Just properly tempered by ice,
And here's to the lips mine have kissed,
And if they were thine, here's twice.

Here's to Woman -- once our superior, now our equal.

Here's to Woman -- who, generally speaking, is generally speaking.

Here's to Woman -- the only sex which attaches more importance to what's on its head then to what's in it.

I drink to Woman --
for each of them who makes a fool out of a man,
there is another who makes a man out of a fool.

Here's to God's first thought, Man!
Here's to God's second thought, Woman!
Seconds thoughts are always best,
So here's to Woman!

Here's to the girl that's strictly in it,
Who doesn't lose her head, for even a minute.
She plays the game well and knowing the limit,
Gets all the fun one's able to find in it.

Here's to women all over the earth,
Women of beauty and women of worth,
Women with missions and women with fads,
Women with figures and women with pads;
Blondes, brunettes, and all other shades,
Wives and widows and prim old maids;
Savage and heathen, Christian and Jew,
From faraway Tokyo and Kalamazoo;
The plump, the lean, the short, the tall --
Bless their dear hearts, I love them all.

Here's to the woman with face so fair,
Framed in a wreath of beautiful hair;
Pretty red lips as soft as a rose --
How many have kissed them God only knows.

Here's to the girls -- the young ones,
But not too young, for the good die young,
And who wants a dead one?

Here's to the girls -- the old ones too,
But not too old, for the old dye too,
And who wants a dyed one?

Here's to the girls that have jilted me;
I drink their healths, because
It is better to be a 'Has been'
Than to be a 'Never was.'

Here's to the Ladies --
We admire them for their beauty,
respect them for their intelligence,
adore them for their virtue,
and love them, because we can't help it.

[1910, Lowe]

Woman -- the conundrum of the age.
We can't guess her, but we'll never giver her up!

[1910, Lowe]

Woman -- She needs no eulogy -- she speaks for herself.

lowe, 1910.

Here's to woman:
If she cannot be captain of a ship,
may she always command a smack.

[1910, Lowe; This is a pun on the word smack...
which means both a small fishing boat and a kiss.]

Here's to woman, by nature a thing of change.

[1910. Lowe.]

To Truthful Woman

Here's to the love that lies in woman's eyes,
And lies, and lies, and lies.

lowe, 1910.

To the Petticoat Crew

Here's to the club girl,
Here's to the tub girl,
Here's to the lass who look you through;
Here's to the mannish girl,
Here's to the clannish girl --
Drink to 'em standing -- the petticoat crew!

[1910, Lowe]

To a Beauty.

Then her lip, so rich in blisses,
Sweet petitioner for kisses,
Rosy nest, where lurks Persuasion,
Mutely courting Love's invasion.
Next, beneath the velvet chin,
Whose dimple hides a Love within,
Mould her neck with grace descending,
In a heaven of beauty ending;
While countless charms, above, below,
Sport and flutter round its snow.

[Odes of Anacreon, translated by Thomas Moore; but attributed to Campbell in 1910, Lowe]

Here's to Woman, the source of all our bliss,
There's a taste of heaven for us in her kiss,
But from the Queen on her throne, to a maid in her dairy,
They're all alike, in one respect -- CONTRARY.

[1938, CLEAN DIRT; 1970, Tipsi's Bar Guide]

Here's to the girl in the high-heeled shoes,
Who eats your dinner and drinks your booze,
Who jollies you on and treats you right,
And sleeps with her mother every night.

[Retrieved from http://jewaira.wordpress.com/2007-08-30/toasts/ on 2010-01-25.]

Here's to the girl in the high healed shoes;
she'll drink your whiskey, she'll steal your booze;
she'll haunt you, she'll taunt you, she'll make you fight;
but she sleeps with her mother, every night!

From Kevin Coan - kcoan@pittsburghpipe.com on 2010-01-25.