Please note that most of the songs below are not specific to Sigma
Chi but are the shared drinking songs of most sororities &
fraternities. If you haven't been drunk at a fraternity party,
you will not understand these songs. If you know any songs from Sigma Chi and would like
to set the record straight, please feel free to email me at
.
Compare this songbook with the untitled
Alpha
Sigma Phi Songbook (1962),
Theta Epsilon Omicron Iota Pledge Manual (1973),
Raunchy Songs of Phi Kappa Psi (1991),
Songs of Theta Xi (1992), and
Theta Xi Omega Fraternity (ΘΞΩ): An Anthology of Drinking
Songs (2003).
To verify the OCR below, you should download the
PDF of the
scanned pages of the original typescript.
 SHITTY
SONGS OF ΣΧ
[Sigma Chi]
DOWN IN TWAT VALLEY
Twas down in Twat valley Where maidenheads grow Where cocksuckers flourish And the red river flows Twas there I met Lulu The girl I adore That hare fucking c-o-o-cking sucking whore
Shell fuck you and suck you She'll gnaw on your nuts And if your not careful She'll suck out your guts.
She'll fuck for a nickle Take less or take more That hard fucking c-o-o-ck-sucking
Mexican whore.
Now Lulu is [dead] She lies in her tomb The flies and the maggots Crawl around in her womb
But from that dark region She cries out for more That hard fucking c-o-o-ck sucking Mexican Whore
BIG FUCKING WHEEL
There once was a man from across the sea And this is the tale he told to me About a maid with twat so wide She never could be satisfied
So they fashioned for her a big fucking wheel With balls of brass and a big prick of steel The balls of brass were filled with cream And the whole fucking issue was run by steam
Around and around went the big fucking wheel And in and out went the big prick of steel Until at last the maid she cried Enough enough I'm satisfied
But that was not the end of it There was no way of stopping it And the maid was split from twat to tit And the whole fucking issue went up in shit
NO BALLS AT ALL
Oh, come all ye maidens and listen to me I'll tell you a tale that will fill you with glee
About a young maiden both tender and small Who married a man Who had no balls at all
CHORUS:
-
No balls at all No balls at all She married a man Who had no balls at all
The night of her wedding She climbed into bed Her cheeks were all rosy Her lips were all red She felt for his penis His penis was small She felt for his balls He had no balls at all
Oh, Mother dear Mother I wish I were dead And lay in my grave With my poor maiden-head My troubles are many My pleasures are small For I've married a man Who has no balls at all
Now daughter, dear daughter Do not be so sad For the very same thing Was the matter with Dad There's always a _______ To answer the call Of the wife of the man Who has no balls at all
Now daughter, dear daughter took mother's advice And found the proceeding Exceedingly nice A bouncing young baby Was born in the fall To the wife of the man Who had no balls at all
The doctor examined the baby that night And swore up and down He'd examined him right The thing that was found Most astounding of all The babe had a penis But no balls at all
ROLL YOUR LEG OVER
If all the young maidens were little white rabbits And I were a hare I would show them bad habits
-
CHORUS:
-
Roll your leg over, Roll your leg over. Roll your leg over the man in the moon.
SIMILARLY:
rushes a'growing -- scythe I'd set a Mowing, fish in the ocean -- a shark I'd raise a
commotion sheep in the clover -- a ram I'd ram them all
over little white vixens -- a fox I'd fuck 'em and
fix 'em grapes on the vine -- a plucker I'd have me a
time bells in a tower -- a sexton I'd bang out the
hour bricks in a pile -- a mason I'd lay them in
style fish in a pool -- a shark with a waterproof
tool B-29's -- a fighter I'd buzz their behinds trees in a forest -- a woodsman I'd split their
clitoris flowers in a pasture -- a bee I'd leave them
in rapture bats in a steeple -- a bat there'd be more
bats than people statues of venus -- equipped with a petrifiedpenis little white foxes -- a dog I'd snap at their
boxes diamonds and rubies -- a jeweler and polish
their boobies dishes and china -- a washer and wipe their
vagina camels in Egypt -- I'd ride 'em and hump 'em
just like Joe Collegiate. whales in the ocean -- a whaler and show them
the motion.
LAST VERSE:
Oh, why are we standing here singing about
it That is because we're doing without it
Blinded By Turds
There was an old lady who lived on this street Her passage was blocked up from to much to eat She took stomach pills without reading the box before she could strip turds were flying like rocks
CHORUS
-
Tura-la Tura-lay a rolling stone gathers no moss so they say along learn the words its a bloody song but it's all about turds
She ran to the window, stuck out her ass Just at that moment a cowboy did pass He heard the strange noise so he gazed upon her and a bloody big turd hit him right in the eye
O he ran to the east and he ran to the west When a further consignment arrived on his chest He fled to the north and he fled to the south When a bloody big turd hit him right in the month
Chorus
The next time yon walk over Blatt river bridge look out for a cowhand asleep on the ridge his chest bears a placard where an are these words Be kind to a cowboy whose blinded by turds
CHORUS
END OF THE MONTH
You can tell by the smell that she isn't feeling well when the end of the month rolls around
You can tell by her stance that there's bleeding in her pants
-
When the end of the month rolls around For its HI, Hip Hee in the Kotex industry Shout out your sixes loud and clear Junior, Regular, Superduper, Bale of Hay! For where 'ere we go you will always know When the end of the month rolls around
You can tell by her walk that you'll sit around and talk You can tell by her stench that she is a bleeding wench
You can tell by her eyes that there's blood between her thighs You can tell by her pout that her eggs are falling out
WINNIPEG WHORE
My first trip to Canadian borders My first trip to Canadian shores Met a girl named Rosey O'Grady Better known as the Winnipeg Whore
* * *
So we walked off arm in arm To the place she used to sleep Dirty old room with a straw-filled
mattress It wasn't very clean, but it sure was cheap.
She said "My man you look familiar" Sat her ass down on my knee How about a little loving A dollar and a half is my fee.
* * *
We did it once, we dig it twice Then we did it one time more She gave a shout and her toes
curled under That was the end of Winnipeg
Whore.
CHARLOTTE THE HARLOT
-
Its Charlotte the Harlot The girl we adore The pride of the Prairie The Cowpuncher's whore---
Way down on the prairie where cow plop is thick Where women are women and cowpokes cum quick There lived pretty Chariot the girl we adore The pride of the prairie, the cowpuncher's where. (Chorus)
She's dirty, she's vulgar, she spits in the street. Why whenever you see her she's always in heat. She'll lay for a dollar, take less of take more, The pride of the prairie, the cowpuncher's whore. (Chorus)
One day in the canyon no pants on her quim A rattlesnake saw her and flung himself in; Chariot the Harlot gave cowboys the frights: The only vagina that rattles and bites. (Chorus)
One day on the prairie while riding along My seat in the saddle, the reins on my [d]ong, Who should I meet but the girl I adore The pride of the prairie, the cowpuncher's whore. (Chorus)
I got off my pony, I reached for her crack The damn thing Has rattling and biting me back. I took out my pistol, I aimed for its head, I missed the damned rattler and shot her instead. (Chorus)
Her funeral procession was 40 miles long With a chorus of cowpunchers singing this song: Here lies a young maiden who never kept score, The pride of the prairie, the cowpuncher's whore. (Chorus)
(LABOR DONATED)
Masturbate the Cry of Washington X
Masturbate the cry of Washington X
They're running it off by hand in mighty Washington. X
The boys are there with balls X
To cream their over-alls X
It's harder to push them over the line XXX
Than dawn for sixtynine XXX
Masturbate the cry of Washington! XXXXX
Horny Hand together with a STROKE, STROKE, STROKE! XXXXX
And o'er the land XXXXX
The horny hand Fuck You Will beat the meat of Washington forever.
OREGON
Oregon our alma mater Where the men of steel are found In the bushes, with the co-eds Making love upon the ground This goes on 'til early morning When the cops break the fun There'll be a military wedding For the sons of Oregon!
WESTWOOD HIGH
High above Pacific's waters Stinking to the sky Stands a two-bit alma mater Known as Westwood High.
Mighty campus, mighty buildings Mighty trees and grass You can take your mighty bruins And shove them up your ass.
CUM STAIN OUR BAND
Cum stain our band Where we run it off by hand It's such a kick, To masturbate without a prick
No balls we got
But then our girl's aint got
no twat, See our vests And be our guests And slap it to the Harvard of the west!!!
FUCKING SONG
Oh they had a little party down in Legport There was Hairy, there was Mary? there was Grace Oh they had a little party down in Legport And Hairy came all over the place.
Oh they had to carry Hairy to the fairy And the fairy carried Hairy to the shore AM the reason that they had to carry Hairy to Was that Hairy couldn't cum anymore. /the fairy
Prostitution, prostitution, fuck 'em till they cry Rape 'em till they die Prostitution, prostitution, fuck 'em twice or know the reason why.
And when the fuck is over, we will buy a box of s[...] And fuck for California til it dribbles off our chin
So fuck, tra-la-la, fuck tra-la-la
Fuck, fuck, fucked last night Fucked the night before Gonna fuck tonite like I never fucked before For when I fuck I'm as happy as can be For I am a member of the Hose family.
Now the Hose family is the best family That ever came over from old Spermany There's the anterior fuck and the posterior fuck The interior fuck and the A-SUC.
Sing glorious, victorious, one big cunt for the
four of us Sing glory be to IBM that there are no more of us For one of us could eat it all alone. DAMN NEARZZ
Here's to the foreskins, GET FUCKED!!!!!!! The horny pricks
DOWN BY THE RIVER PARDEE
CHORUS:
Down by the River Pardee,Pardee Down by the River Pardee Where nothing is heard but the
slush of a turd Down by the River Pardee
VERSES:
There once was a young man named Dan Who was an extraordinary man When he got excited His prick extrscited And stretched from Burma to Siam
There was a young girl from Leeds Who swallowed a package of seeds All kinds of grass Grew out of her ass And her twat was covered with weeds
There was a young lady from Istwich Who took grain to a mill to make grist But a miller named Jack Laid her flat on her back And united the organs they pissed with
There was a young man from Van Horn Who never should have been born But when his dad shoved it in The rubber was thin And in one little place it was worn
There was a young man named McRawls Who did his act in town halls His favorite trick Was to spit on his prick And slide off the stage on his balls
There wag a young lady from Carolina Who had a teasatat for a vagina She could lay all day With a man in Bombay While soliciting in Plina
There was a young lady from Azores Whose cunt was covered with sores Not a dog in the street Would touch the green meat That hung in festoons from her drawers
In the Garden of Eden lay Adam Stroking the ass of his madam He rolled over in mirth 'Cause he knew on all earth There were only two balls, and he had'm
There once was a man named Jossil Who found an interesting fossil He could tell by the bend And the knot in the end 'Twas the penis of Paul the Apostle
There was a young lady named Ostel Whose parents thought they had
lost her But out on the grass Was the print of her ass And the knees of the man who had
crossed her
There was an old man from Rangoon Who was born by the light of the
moon He had not the luck To be born of a fuck But a wet dream scraped up
with a spoon
There once was a girl from Seattle Who delighted in sucking off cattle Then a bull from the South Want off in her mouth And made her ovaries rattle
A luscious young thing named
Miss Trevor Was cute and exceedingly clever To damp her beau's ardor She put pins in her garter And spiked the poor fellow's
endeavor
There was a young lady from France Who walked down the Bus de la Cane She met a young Turk Mho got in good work And now she can't button her pants
There once was a
Scot named McGerkin Who was constantly jerkin' his
gherkin His wife said, "McGerkin, Quit jerkin' your gherkin You're shirkin' your ferkin' YOU BASTARD" (nt)
There once was a man from Bombay Who fashioned a cunt out of clay The heat of erection Caused a reaction And wore all his foreskin away
DOWN BY THE RIVER PARDEE (cont'd)
There was a young man named McGee Who buggered an ape in a tree The result was most horrid Three balls and a purple goatee.
There was a young lady from Thrace Whose corsets grew too tight to lace Her mother said "Nelly There's more in your belly Than ever got in through your face".
There was a young lady named Ransom Who was fucked six times by a handsome As she lay on the floor Panting for more He said, "My names Simpson, not Sampson"
There was a young lady from Sydney Who could take it clear up to her kidney But a man from Quebec Shoved it up to her neck He had a big one, didn't he?
There once was a man from Nantucket Whose prick was so long he could suck it He said with a grin As he wiped off his chin "If my ear were a cunt, I could fuck it"
There was a young man from Racine Who invented a fucking machine Concave or convex It would take cither sex Amusing itself in between
There was a young man from Clyde Who went in a shithouse and died And then there's his brother Who died in another And now they're interred side by aide.
There was a young girl from Pantucket Who went to hell in a bucket Who, when asked for a fare Pulled her dress in the air And aald, "Play with it, kiss it, or fuck it.
There once was a young wan from Lagora Whose cock was one inch and no more It was good for key holes and little girls' peaholes But no good for fucking a whore.
There was a young lady from York Who was greatly adverse to the stork But no matter how firm,
she feared no dick sperm For she plugged it up first with a cork
There once was a girl from Dallas Who used dynamite for a phallus They found her vagina In North Carolina And her torso in Buckingham Palace
There was a couple named Kelly Who was found stuck belly to belly They had in their haste Used library paste Instead of petroleum jelly
There was an old hermit named Dave Who kept a dead whore in a cave He said,"I'll admit, "I'm a bit of a shit, But think of the money I save.
There once was a girl in France Who boarded a train in a trance The engineer fucked her As did the conductor And the firman went off in his pants
There was a young from old
Sparta Who was a phenomenal farta He could fart anything From God Save the Queen To Beethoven's Sonata
He could fart a Gavotte for a
starter Then the theme from the cof'ee [?]
Cantata He would boom from his ass Bach's B Minor Mass And in counterpoint La Travia ta
There once was a man from Bel Air Who tried to bugger a bear But the beast was a brute Took a swipe at his root And left nothing but testes and
hair
The wife of a young man named Bolt Has a sense of humor most droll To a masquerade ball He wore nothing at all And backed in as a Parker House Roll
There was a young glrl from Calcutta Who used to screw in the gutter The sun was so hot That it melted her twat And the milk in her tits turned
to butter
DOWN BY THE RIVER PARDEE (cont'd)
There once was a girl named Brewer Who said nobody could screw her Alone came a fink With a cast iron dink And rammed it all the way through her
From the staid stone walls of St. Giles Came a scream that was heard for miles Said a monk, "Goodness Gracious I fear Brother Ignatius Has forgotten the Rector has piles
There was a man from Iraq Who played the bass viol with his cock With massive erections
He rendered selections From Johan Sebastian Bach
There was a young man from Boston Who bought hisself a new Austin Had had room for his ass And a gallon of gas Rut his balls hung out and he lost 'em
There once was a farmer named Fritz Who planed Bob's Acres tits They cam up that fall Pink nipples and all And by spring he had chewed them to bits
There once was a gal from Milpitas Who had a great yen for coitus And her athlete friend Han an itch on his end So now she has athletea fostus
There once was a girl from Mobile Who had a cunt of crucible steel Her greatest sex thrill Was a rotary drill And off-center emery wheels
A magnificent lady from Worchester Once dreamed that a film star seduced her She awakened to find It was all in her mind Just a lump in the mattress that gorcestor
A charmer from Amarillo Sick of finding strange feads on her pillow Decided one day That to keep men away She must stiff up her crevice with Brillo
There once was a man from Bel Air Who was fucking his wife on the stair The bannister broke He doubled his stroke And polished her off in mid air
On the chest of a tout named Gall Was tattooed the price of her tail For the sake of the blind On her behind Was the very same thing in braille
There was a fairy named McGoon Who went to a Lesbian's room They were up half the night Having a hell of a fight Deciding who was to do what to whom
There once was a man named Grost Whose relations was with a ghost He said with a spasm At the height of Orgasm I think I can feel it -- almost
There once was a pirate named Bates Who did the fandango on skates He fell on his cutlass Which rendered him nutless And practically useless on dates
There was a young girl from Detroit Who at fucking was quite aireit She could contract her vagina To a pin point or fina' Or enlarge it to the size of a quoit
There was a young lady from Brussels Accused of wearing two bustles She said, "It's not true It's a thing I wouldn't do You're simply observing large muscles
There was a young lady named Cager Who, as the result of a wager, Consented to fart The (w)hole oboe To Mozart's Quartet in F Major.
In the shade of the old apple tree A pair of fine legs I can see A little red dot With a hole on the top It looked like a tarbrush to me
In the shade of the old apple tree That's where karen first showed it to me It was hairy and black She called it her crack But it looked like a subway to me
So I pulled out my pride of New York It fitted in like like a cork And I said, Oh lady don't scream While I dish out the cream
In the shade of the old apple tree I could have fucked all night I could have fucked all night And still have fucked some more I could have spread my legs And laid a thousand eggs I'd never laid before
I'll never know what made it so exciting But all at once my cock was high. I only know when she Began to piss on me I could have fucked, fucked, FUCKED all night
------------
NEXT THANKSGIVING
Next Thanksgiving, next Thanksgiving Don't eat bread, don't eat bread Shove it up the turkey, shove it up the
turkey EAT THE BIRD, EAT THE BIRD !!!
-------------
Born in a whore house, raised like a slave Drinking and fucking are all that I crave Smashing in windows, breaking down doors Calling old ladies, chicken-shit whores Come on old lady, bring me a toddy I want to go out and duck everybody Beautiful hooker, lay down for me Since I'm your pimp, I'll do it for free.
Hummmmmm to MADGE!!!!!
------------
There once were two girls from
Birmingham And this is a story concerning
them They lifted the frock And diddled the cock of the Bishop who was confirmin'
them
This Bishop was no fool He had been to Divinity school He whipped down their britches And diddled these bitches With the tip of his Episcopal tool
There once was a guy named John Who was blessed with a very small
dong He looked kind of cute As he diddled his root For none of the girls helped him
along.
A guy named Dale from the city Used to play with Andrea's titty He said with a shock As he knocked it right off Goddamn but that titty was shitty.
There once was a guy named Thor Whose cock was terribly sore Was Felice cornholed last night Or did he just take a bite Of that thing that stuck through t[he]
do[or.]
There once was a guy named Ron Who used to root in the John He stuck it right in 'em And said with conviction Wish Helen would suck an my
dong
THE COREHOLLING OF DANGEROUS DAN McGREW
A couple of boys were whooping it up in one of those Youkon halls; While the boy handling the music box was scratching his balls. The Faro Kid had his hand on the box of a lady known as Lou, And there on the floor, on top of a whore, was dangerous Dan McGrew When out of the night as black as a bitch and into the din and smoke Came a shaky old prick right up from the crick with a rusty old
load in his poke He elbowed his way through the flea bitten crowd with his hand
at the crotch of his pants He looked like a man with a dose of the clap and the last stages
of St. Vitus Dance His britches were split and covered with spit; it looked like the
white of an egg
His balls hung low and swung too and fro every time he moved a leg His face was as red as a baboon's ass as the passion within him burned He rolled out his cock to display to the flock, and every asshole
squirmed The lights went out. I ducked to the floor. The stranger sprang
in the dark
His aim wag true and the sparks they flew as the donicker found its mark The wind it blew and the shit it flew as I looked around the room There were sighs and moans and farts and groans, and six bodies Lay stacked in the gloom The lights case on and the stranger arose with a satisfied look
on his pan;
And there on the floor with his asshole tore Lay poor old corn-holed Dan
SWEET ANTOINETTE
Sweet Antoinette, your pants are wet You say it's sweat; it's cum I'll bet In all my dreams you bare as gleems. You're the wrecker of my pecker. Sweet Antoinette.
BY THE LIGHT OF A FLICKERING MATCH
By the light, of a flickering match I saw her snatch, by the light of the match, Well, Well, By the light of the flickering match I heard her scream, I saw it steam, I burned her snatch - - With my flickering match!!!
There once was a man named Lance Who chanced to cum in his pants He said with a pout As he whipped it right out God Damn, it's all covered with ants.
There once was a guy named Boa Who was always yellen for moa He begged for Jill Cause she took the pill And they groveled around on the floor
There once was a guy named Nick Who had people suck on his dick One day it got to him That someone had chewed him And had ripped up 5 inches of prick
There once was a guy named Chuck Who always yearned for a fuck One night after supper He rammed it right up her Now Trixie's big as a truck
There once was guy named Fred Who had no use for a bed He said with glee As he slapped his knee I'd rather whip it instead!!
Here's to Madge, that rotten bitch Her cunt is lined with a seven year itch Between her toes, green matter grows And from her nose, corruption flows Before I climb those scaly logs or suck those festered teats I'd drink a gallon of buzzard puke and die of drizzily shits
Well I've fucked in France and I've fucked in Spain And I was the chief fucker on the Battleship Maine And when I dies, my tombstone will read Here lies a human fucking machine O cunt, O cunt, thy deep dark and bottomless pit All covered with hair and matted shit Like a pole cat's ass, thou smelt so bad But cunt, O cunt, thou will be had!
I wish I was in Lulu
Some girls work in factories Some girls work in stores But Lulu works in a little house With forty other whores
CHORUS
-
Banging away on Lulu Banging away all day Who you going to bang on When Lulu goes away
I wish I was a ring Upon my Lulu's hand And everytime she scratched her ass I'd see the promised land
CHORUS
I wish I was an apple A-hanging on a tree And every time that Lulu passed She'd take a bit of ma
CHORUS (use verses to Roll your leg over)
Little Jack Homer Sat in a Corner Eating his Grandmother
Jack be nimble Jack be quick Jack got fucked By a candlestick
Jack sprat could eat no fat His wife could eat no lean So they ate each other
PANCHO VILLA
My name is Pancho Villa I have the ghonorra I got it from Maria She gave it to me free-a And now I cannot pee-a
C. S. DICK
Down from the hills came corkscrew Dick Born to the world with a spiral prick All over the world he did hunt For a refined young lady with a spiral cunt
And when he found her he dropped dead For the sweet young thing had a lefthand thread.
LET ME CALL YOU SWEETHEART
Let me call you sweetheart I'm in love with you Let me pinch your titties Til they're black and blue Let me scratch your pussy Till its filled with goo Let's play hide the wienie In your old wazoo.
Don't you know why there's lipstick on my thigh Sloppy blow job...
YOU CAN TELL BY HER WALK SHE'S ONLY OUT TO TALK YOU CAN TELL BY HER EYES THAT THERE' BLOOD BETWEEN HER THIGHS
The Cardinals Be Damned
Oh, the cardinals bo damned boys The cardinals be damned The cardinals be damned boys The cardinals be damned
If any Stanford son-of-a-bitch Don't like the blue and gold He can pucker up his rosy lips And kiss the bear's asshole
Oh, I'm just a prostitute from Stanford And I fuck for fifty cents I'll lay my ass upon the grass My pants upon the fence
I'll lick your slimey belly I'll suck your cook with glee But get off me you son-of-a-bitch If you're from USC
Oh here's to turncoat Ralston [John Ralston (Football Coach '63-'71)] the dirty son-of-&-bitch We hope he dies of syphilis Combined with seven year itch
If you take his prick as radius And project his balls in space You can prove by the law of limits That his asshole's in his face
Oh listen all ye maidens Oh listen close to me Don't ever trust a Stanford man An inch above your knee
He'll take you down to Stanford And fill you full of fizz And before the night is over Your maiden head is his
If we ever find a Stanford man Within our sacred walls We'll take him down to Menlo Park And amputate his balls
And if that doesn't fix him I'll tell you what we'll do We'll stuff his ass with broken glass And seal it up with glue
If I had a prick of steel And balls of shiny brass I'd find a marble statue And ram it up her ass
Just to breed a race of giants To roam throughout the land And to swell the night chorus Of the cardinals be damned
Last Night I stayed at Home to Masturbate
Last Night I stayed at Home to Masturbate
Last night I stayed at home to masturbate It was so nice! I did it twice! Last night I stayed up late to pull my pud It felt so good! I knew it would You should see me working on the short strokes I use my hand. It's simply grand You should see me working on the long strokes I use my feet. It's really neat Smash it! Bash it! Beat it on the floor Smite it! Bite it! Beat it on the floor I have some friends who seem to think that
a fuck is simply grand But for all around enjoyment I prefer it in the hand.
--------------
Mary had a little lamb It's fleece was white as snow And everywhere that Mary went The Lamb was sure to go
It followed her to the barn one day for eggs she was to hunt It stuck its nose beneath her clothes To get a whiff of cunt
Now Many was a naughty girl And didn't give a damn She let him have another whiff And killed the God damned lamb.
High Above a Pi Phi's Garter
High above a Pi Phi's garter High above her knee Lies the key to Pi Phi success Her virginity
Once she had it Now she's lost it It is gone for good She goes down for all the brothers
like a Pi Phi should
Lift her dress But do it gently Lay her on the grass Often are the times I've dreamed of a piece of Pi Phi ass
Pushing
Was it you who did the pushin' Put the stains upon the cushin' Foot prints on the dashboard upside-down Was it you whose sly wood pecker Got into my girl Rebeker If it was you better leave this fuckin' town.
Yes it was me who did the pushin' Left the stains upon the cushin' Foot prints upon the dashboard upside down But since I got into your daughter I've had trouble passing water And I think we're even all around.
Leland Stanford
Hail to Leland Stanford Loyal man and true His pecker measured half an [inch] His only ball was blue.
If any a Stanford son of bit[ch] Should enter in our walls We'll take him to Menlo Park And amputate his balls.
Mother, Father
-
M is for the many times you made me O is for the other times you tried T is for the tawdy frat house parties H is for the hell thats in your eyes E is for the ever loving passion R is for the ruin you've made of me.
(Put them all together and they spell Mother Thats what I think I am going to be)
-
F is for your funny correspondence A is for this answer to your note T is for the tearful sad occasion H is for the hope I'll be your goat E is for the Ease with which I made you R is for the Rube you think I'll be.
(Put them all together and they spell Father, But you'11 never pin that title dear on me)
CHISEM TRAIL
Well I reached in my pocket and I pulled out a penny She said for that you won't get any
Chorus: Well come and tie my root around a tree- 'round a tree Well come and tie my root around a tree- 'round a tree
Well I reached in my pocket and I pulled out a nickel She said for that you won't even get a tickle
CHORUS
Well I reached in my pocket and I pulled out a dime She said for that you're wasting your time
CHORUS
Well I reached in my pocket and I pulled out a quarter She said: "Young man I'm a minister's daughter"
CHORUS
Well I reached in my pocket and I pulled out a half She didn't even talk, she just started to laugh
CHORUS
Well I reached in my pocket and I pulled out a dollar She took my hand and she put it in her collar
CHORUS
So I reached in my pocket and I pulled out a five She said come inside and we'll see if you're alive
CHORUS
Well I rode her standing and I rode her lying If I had wings I'd have rode her flying
CHORUS
Then I went to the doctor cause my gun was sore Good Lord said the Doctor, It's the same damn whore
CHORUS
You can put away your holster and you can put away your gun Your bullets been breached and your shootings all done
CHORUS
Well the last time I seen her and I haven't seen her since She was hustling a ball through a barbed wire fence
CHORUS
Barnacle Bill, The Sailor
Who's that knocking at my door Who's that knocking at my door Who's that knocking at my door Cried the fair young maiden
It's only me from across the sea Cried Barnacle Bill, the sailor It's only me from across the sea Cried Barnacle Bill, the sailor
I'll come down and let you in (3) Cried the fair young maiden
Just open the door and lay on the floor Said Barnacle Bill the sailor
What if Ma and Pa should see (3) Cried the fair young maiden
We'll fuck your Ma and shoot Pa Said Barnacle Bill the sailor
What if we should have a child (3) Cried the fair young maiden
Well dig a ditch and bury the bitch Said Barnacle Bill the sailor
Stop shouting at the door (3) Cried the fair young maiden
I just got paid and want to get laid Said Barnacle Bill the sailor
What's that thing between your legs (3) Cried the fair young maiden
It's only a pole to shove up your hole Said Barnacle Bill the sailor
What's that fur around the pole (3) Cried the fair young maiden
It's only Home grass to tickle your ass Said Barnacle Bill the sailor
[Hand
written:
"She can tell by your grin That there's cum upon her chin"]
ONE BALLED REILLY
Sittin' in O'Reilly's bar, telling tales of blood and slaughter Came the thought into my mind, why not shag O'Reilly's daughter Tiddily-i-ay, tiddily-i-ay, tiddily-i-ay for the one balled Reilly Rig-a-dig-dig, balls and all, rub-adub-dub, shag on!! I grabbed that she-bitch by the tits, then I swung my left leg over Shag, shag, shag some more, shags until the fun was over
There came a knocking at my door, who should it he but her Goddamned
father Two horse pistols by his side, looking for the guy who shagged his
daughter I grabbed that bastard by the balls, shoved his head in a pail of water Rammed those pistols up his ass, damn sight faster than I shagged his daughter As I go walking down the street people shout from every corner THERE'S THE DIRTY SON-OF-A-BITCH! the guy who shagged O'Reilly's daughter.
FRIGGIN' IN THE RIGGIN'
Chorus:
-
There's Figgin' in the riggin'(3 Times) When there's fuck all else to do
We sailed on the good ship Venus My God you should have seen us The figurehead was a whore in bed And the mast was an upright penis
The Captain's name was Morgon A homosexual gorgon He'd sit all day On the deck and play With his reproductive organ
The cabin boy's name was Chipper The dirty little nipper He lined his ass With broken glass And circumcised the skipper
The captain's wife was Charlott By god she was a Harlot Her thighs at night Were lilly white By morning they were scarlet
The cooks wife was Mable By god was she ever able She gave the crew Their weekly screw Under the chartroom table
JOHN'S VERSE
The First Mate
The First Mate
The Goddamn Captain's brother He wasn't fit to shovel shit From one hole to another!
Grandfather's Cock
My grandfather's cock was too long for his jock
So it hung 90 years on the floor It was longer by half than the old man himself
Though it weighted not penny weight more It was bought on the morn Of the day that he was born And was always his pleasure and pride But it stopped/short/never to cum again
When the old man died.
THE FRIAR
There was a Friar of great renown (3 times)
AND THEN HE
Raped a girl from out of town (3 times) Ha Ha Ha Ho Ho Ho HORSEShit
Similarly:
He laid her on the dewy grass And then he rammed his pecker up her ass
He laid her on a downy bed And then he rammed his pecker up her ass
He laid her on a downy bed And then he busted up her maiden head
He took hher to the village square And then he went and made her there He took her to the countryside
And fucked and fucked until she died He took her to the burial ground
And thought he'd go another round
Stanford Drinking Song
Oh it's wine, wine, wine that makes you feel so fine On the farm, on the farm Oh it's wine, wine, wine that makes you feel so fine On the Lelard Stanford junior farm My eyes are dim, I cannot see I have HEY not HO brought my specs with me
Similarly: Beer; cheer for queer) ale; hale brandy; dandy rum; bum rye; spry liquid; wicked coca; loco whisky; frisky corn; glad your born coke; choke champaign; gives you a pain gin; sin hot roast duck; fuck port; sport tea; pee vermouth; uncouth muscatel; feel like hell
THE BIG BLACK BULL
The big black bull came down from the mountain CHARDAWN, HUGH CHARDAWN(subst. name The big black bull came down from the mountain Long time ago.
-
Chorus: It was a long time ago a long time ago (repeat verse first line t[wice)]
He spied a heifer in a pasture
He jumped the fence and he jumped that heifer
He missed the mark and he pissed on the pasture
He wiped his prick on a white birch sapling
The big black bull went back to
the mountain
His head hung low tut his balls
hung lower.
ODE TO A BETTER SOCIETY
HERE'S TO RAPE, RIOT AND REVOLUTION! MAY PROSTITUTION FLOURISH AND SON-OF-A-BITCH BECOME A HOUSEHOLD WORD. (segue into ring-ading-ding)
Ring-ading-a-ding ( 3 times) Blow it out your ass Better days are coming by and by.
|